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Transitioning from San Francisco to My “Ordinary” Life

For the last five days I have been in San Francisco at an ACIM conference. I had so much fun attending classes where I was reminded of the truth over and over in many different ways. I visited with old friends and made new friends. I felt supported and uplifted being in the presence of over 400 people who were there to remember and express their function.

This morning I am tired from the trip home, and a little thrown by the time change. I am not looking forward to returning to work. I probably should have scheduled my week differently. I have to drive about four hours today just to get to the first customer. I have to attend a board meeting tonight and help a group of people understand why they need to change their treatment process and why it is important. It will cost them more money and everyone is fearful about money. I can’t suggest they forgive the idea of lack. 😊

The Holy Spirit is helping me with this. He told me that this is the story the ego is writing around this perfectly neutral event. The ego loves stories, and all its stories have the same central theme. They all encourage me to feel vulnerable, weak, fearful, put upon, sad, angry, hateful, envious, or any other emotion that causes me to feel separate from my brothers and from God.

He encourages me to ask Him the purpose of today. When I do He tells me that I am to extend light today. He wants me to help all my brothers feel loved and cared for. Those board members are going to be afraid and will need my gentle reassurances. They don’t need any special buzz words, just my love.

Today already feels different. I am going to stop trying not to feel tired, and just allow myself to feel whatever the body feels without judging it. I am going to stop withing today was other than it is, and just allow it to be as it is. I am going to stop deciding what it all means and what I should do. I am going to step back in every instance and allow myself to be led, remembering that each word, gesture and feeling is an opportunity to forgive my projections and to extend light and love instead. This is no ordinary day. This is a day of salvation.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Christmas Story

One year at Christmas I had no gifts for my kids. My husband had hurt
himself in an oilrig accident and was out of work. We were dead
broke. This is before I began the study of the Course. I had been
reading a book from a Unity church and it talked about making a
treasure map when you needed or wanted something.

The idea was to put pictures and words onto a poster that would
remind me what I wanted, and to then look at the poster frequently to
think those things into existence with the power of the mind. I told
my husband what I was going to do. My kids wanted bikes and, while he
was not against the treasure map, he could not imagine how we would
get them. As broke as we were they may as well have asked for the
moon.

I totally believed in the process, though, and so I made my treasure
map and began to focus on it. In a day or two I was inspired with an
idea. I put a little add in the local paper saying that Santa needed
a little help this year because of unemployment. If anyone had used
bikes that could be fixed up he would be grateful to get them.

In the next couple of days we were flooded with offers to help. One
kind man called to say that his wife would meet me at Sears and I
could pick out bikes for the kids. I was overwhelmed with the offers
and it turned out to be a wonderful Christmas, not just for my kids,
but for me as well. I recieved confirmation that the mind is indeed
very powerful.

This was like a beginning step on my path to the Course. I had been
opening my mind to the idea there was more to life than meets the
eye, and now for the first time, I was part of something I could not
explain through my past experience. I had other extraordinary
experiences with treasure mapping. Now I treasure map with the Holy
Spirit. I have learned that I have no idea what would make me happy
so I ask the Holy Spirit to tell me what I want. This saves a lot of
time as I don’t have to make all those endless choices only to
discover that the world doesn’t offer me anything of value anyway.

This Single Quiet Thought is very much like my process:

The heart is desire.
The true Heart
is true desire.
There is only one true Heart.

Focus on the true Heart today.
Ask it to tell you
what you truly want.

Listen intently
to the answer it gives.
It speaks to you
of your truest desire,
the one that out shines
everything else
you think you want.

www.reginadawnakers.com

This is the process I use. I ask the Holy Spirit (or my true Heart)
what it is that I want and then I listen intently. I think I want
things. I think I want my house to be finished so I can move in. I
think I want my son to find a new job. I think I want more time for
writing and teaching. At one time I would have put those things on my
map and then I would have recieved them. Then I would have discovered
that some of them were pretty neat to recieve, and some I wish I had
not received. But what is most true is that I had thought that
receiving them would make me happy and then discovered that I only
wanted more things, because nothing outside me makes me happy.

I know this is true because I have had lifetimes to discover it is
true. Now when I think I want my house to be finished, I give this
thought to the Holy Spirit and ask Him what I really want. He reminds
me that I want to awaken. I tell him that I think that if my son gets
a new job I will be so relieved and so happy. Then I ask him what I
really want and he reminds me that I want to awaken.

If there is something in the world that I do actually need, I leave
that to Him as well. I truly do not know what I need. I tell Him of
my percieved need, and I do not suggest ways that need might be
filled. I wait for His inspiration. I wait in anticipation to see how
it might be met. There is no stress or strain; there are no
disappointments because there are no expectations. It is a light and
happy thing to recognize I do not know, but there is One who does.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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NTI Matthew 16 Peter as Symbol of Faith

Matthew 16:21-23 Peter is the symbol of faith within the unhealed mind, and so Per is also the symbol of the unhealed mind that has faith. In Peter you see great faith! And in Peter, you will see doubt, fear and confusion.

This is very meaningful to me because I relate to Peter so completely. As the next line says, I am Peter. I have great faith, and sometimes even amaze myself with my faith. And yet, I am often doubtful, fearful and confused. I have been confounded by this behavior, not understanding why I seem to rise to such heights only to fail miserably in the next moment. Then I read this passage from Matthew and I feel like laughing. Of course I will sometimes feel confused; I am an unhealed mind. Whew!

Another thing that makes me laugh is that I feel such relief when I finally understand what needs to be done in a situation, and it is always the same solution. As it says in Matthew, “It is doubt, fear and confusion you must let go of….”  It always goes back to noticing my thoughts, looking at them with the Holy Spirit, and allowing my mind to be healed. Letting go of a thought is not hard; I just decide for it and it is done. It is getting to the point that I want to let it go that feels very hard sometimes.

There is a person in my life that I don’t like. This has been making me crazy because I can’t seem to release this grievance. I cannot even figure out why I have a grievance. It came to me yesterday to share this problem with a friend of mine and to ask if she had any thoughts on it. I thought this was my idea, my choice as to who I would speak to, and done for my own reasons. (Ha ha ha. I am so funny.) After we emailed each other a few times I realized that asking this particular person was a divinely inspired decision.  As we communicated, I found out that she had nearly the same problem as I did, and in helping me she was helping herself. That Holy Spirit. 😊

As I wrote to my friend I realized that I felt very guilty for not forgiving this person, and I also felt shamed that I was unable to release the grievance. She helped me to see this, and to realize that my only job is to forgive myself. She pointed out for me that I was thinking my failure to accept a solution to this problem proved that I was not good enough and that something was wrong with me. She was so right! I felt the truth of that in my gut when I read the words.

When I wrote the email that confessed to this “sin” of maybe feeling like a failure the unexpected emotion that came up was very strong and I began to cry. Still, I hid from myself the truth and couldn’t see why I felt that way. Then when I read her words it was so obvious. In trying to like this person I was saying there is something wrong with her and that is why I have to “try” to like her.

In feeling bad because I couldn’t seem to like her I was saying there was something wrong with me. I also felt intense resentment of her because I have projected all of this onto her. This tells me I believe I wouldn’t have this problem if she had not shown up. Typically, the ego is projecting my stuff onto the world and I am feeling like a victim. I thanked her for nudging me to this. I was tired of sitting in this self condemnation.

She also helped me to see that I was looking in a mirror and saying to myself, “I do not like what I see. I had that thought at one time, but I allowed my mind to veer off into the “why” of it and I got distracted from what matters. I forgive myself for all of that. I gladly and without reservation forgive myself. I do it for Myron and, in extension, for the Sonship. Now my tears are tears of gratitude. And if I experience dislike for that woman again, I will forgive myself again, and be grateful for opportunity.

This experience was a really good illustration for me of this passage in Matthew. I could see myself as Peter with all the doubt, fear and confusion around this situation. And yet, even though this has been an ongoing problem for some time now I stuck with it, determined to find the solution and return my mind to peace. That takes great faith. I also saw myself following guidance and listening with my heart when Holy Spirit spoke to me through my friend. That took great faith, too.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Accepting with Enthusiasm

I was thinking that I am solely responsible for my life and that my thoughts are the cause of all I experience. Then I wondered what I would like to experience differently and what thoughts I would change to see this happen. I had just written a blog and my thought was I wish I had more time to write. This led to the thought that I wish I had more time for teaching and counseling. So I started thinking which thoughts have created this situation where I spend most of my time at work rather than doing what I would rather do. But then I stopped because somehow this did not feel right.

I remembered that I don’t know what is best for me, or what will make me happy. So I asked Holy Spirit what I should ask for. The answer I got from Him is to ask for acceptance. He said to ask, in each situation, “for acceptance with enthusiasm and without judgment.” I knew I had heard right because it felt good to think of this. I thought about this idea for awhile and I really began to warm up to it. I notice that He did not say “accept going to work today with reluctance”, or “accept this situation with a sigh of resignation.” Ha ha ha. He said “accept with enthusiasm!”

I must have fully embraced His words because I felt immediately happy at the thought. I really did feel enthusiastic about getting to work. I wondered how I would use this during the day and how my customers would react to my enthusiasm. I was really looking forward to this day.
One of the things that happened during the day was that I had to visit a customer I have a grievance against.  At first I didn’t notice anything different about this visit. I just did what I needed to do, but then I noticed I was no longer happy. I didn’t really want to be there. I also noticed how I was using the business of the work to obscure my true purpose. I was so busy getting things done that I barely noticed the grievance. If I had not begun the day with a firm intention to accept with enthusiasm what came my way, I would have missed this forgiveness opportunity.

Once I allowed the grievance into my awareness I realized what caught my attention. The grievance was draining my enthusiasm. So as I spoke to him I started this little background program going in my mind. I asked, “What would he look like if I saw him as the Christ?” I kept that program going while we got on with our business. I wish I could say that he began to glow with the light that he is, but I never seem to have those kinds of neat mystical experiences, but what did happen is that I regained my enthusiasm for the task at hand. I felt the grievance melt away and I was happy to be just where I was.

As the day began to wind down and I got closer to home, I began to wonder how much work had been done on my house while I was gone.  I am living with my daughter while a house is being prepared for me. It has been an extended project and has gone on for much longer than expected. My daughter and grandchildren are easy to live with and it is very comfortable in their home, but as the house gets closer to being finished I have started wishing I could be in it. This time as I noticed this desire I stopped myself and thought about it. What would happen if I set aside this longing to be someplace else, and just accepted with enthusiasm the fact that I am going to be living with my daughter today? As I did this I noticed how happy I was.

I realized that wishing for things to be different than they are was keeping me from experiencing the joy of sharing my time with my grandchildren. They are such neat kids, and it is a very fortunate thing that I have had this time with my grandson as he is nearly grown now, and this opportunity won’t happen again. My granddaughter is nearly three and such a loving and fun child.

Since I have been living with my daughter I have gotten to know her better than I ever would have. I know her as an adult and mother rather than as my daughter. I think of her as a friend now and a fellow soul on the journey home. This would never have happened if I had not lived with her. Why would I want to rob myself of the joy of being with this truly delightful family by choosing to be restless and dissatisfied? By the time I got home my enthusiasm had been restored and I enjoyed the evening with my family.

I’m really looking forward to today. I am going spend this day watching my mind for signs of discontent, and gladly, enthusiastically, choose acceptance instead.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Fear is Just a Story

I was reading the single quiet thought that the Holy Spirit gave Regina Dawn Akers and I thought about how I have used these ideas.  The following is first the thought, and then an example from my own life.

Fear will hold you back from forgiveness.
Fear will hold you back
from letting go of
a false idea as false.

Fear will tell you
that it protects you from harm
and to let go of the idea in question
is to open up to complete vulnerability
and harm.

But fear is just a story.
Fear is an illusion itself.
It promises to care for you,
but what it says isn’t true.

Look at the idea of fear.
Look at its counsel
until you see it isn’t true.

You are free to practice forgiveness
when you’ve learned
not to listen to fear.
Holy Spirit through Regina Dawn Akers

When I take my mistaken thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction I am forgiving them. This is what forgiveness means to me; it is the undoing of ego or separation thoughts. As I read this single quiet thought from Holy Spirit many instances I have experienced this flashed through my mind. The one that grabbed my attention was from the situation with my son’s sickness. He was very sick for weeks and the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with him. He was weak, losing weight and becoming dehydrated every few days. It was very frightening to me.

I experienced so much fear as this situation dragged on and on, but at the same time, I kept going to Holy Spirit with this fear. There were a lot of thoughts that I did not want to keep, and each one I brought to Holy Spirit only to notice that in a bit the thought was back in my mind. Now I know that Holy Spirit isn’t failing to do His job, so it must be me that is failing to let go of the thought. I imagine myself handing a thought to him but then clutching the thought so that He cannot take it.

Clearly, the reason I was not letting go of these fear thoughts is that I thought they held some value to me. I was listening to the stories the ego was telling me and I was believing them. I was afraid to examine the stories, because I was afraid that this would lead to not believing them, and the stories were all that I had to protect me. Writing this out here I can see how absurd this reasoning really is, but at the time I didn’t see it because I was afraid to look too closely.

But each time I brought these thoughts to the Holy Spirit it helped me move a tiny bit closer to trust. Each time my willingness grew a little and I became a little more willing to forgive myself and this situation. Finally, when a friend suggested we pray as a group for Toby, I was ready to finally accept Holy Spirit’s gift. I agreed and in the moment I joined with my friends in praying I felt the shift from fear to acceptance.

I was finally able to look at the fear and see what it was telling me. I said I wanted to give the fear thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction. The ego said that if I did that I would have nothing to protect me from the Holy Spirit. I said that the Holy Spirit would give me only what would be helpful. The ego said that maybe the most helpful thing would be for Toby to die. This is where I had always shut down before. This time I stayed with it and continued to look at the ego story. I gave my trust to the Holy Spirit and surrendered completely.

This part is harder for me to put into words because there were no words involved. In my willingness to surrender to trust, the ego story dissolved. Well, the story was still there, but it became meaningless to me. I simply didn’t believe in it anymore. This did not mean I knew Toby wasn’t going to die. I surrendered to that possibility, too. I accepted that I did not know what would be the next step in his and my awakening, but that I wanted it. If this is the time when Toby let go of his story and moved on to the next one, then that is what would happen. What I let go of was the meaning I was giving that possibility.

I thought about what that would feel like, and as I think of it now I feel intense grief, but I still do not feel fear about it. I don’t know what it means and I am not interested in making up a meaning. Without my meaning clouding the picture I find it easy to trust. Fear was promising to care for me. I see that very clearly now, and I also see that when I was able to really look at what fear was offering me, I knew that was a lie. I am very grateful for where I am now. Toby began healing after we all joined in prayer and so did I. I am very glad that he is still here in this story with me, but I am even more grateful to be free of the fear. I am grateful for the experience I had which taught me so much.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Better Question

This message is an answer to a question posed on a Yahoo discussion group site. I thought it was of general interest so I am posting it here as well.

—- In NTIDiscussionGroup@yahoogroups.com, “julieta_in_bcn” <julieta_in_bcn@...> wrote:
> At the end of the third paragraph you wrote: As I was persistent in my asking, I was giving myself time to form the right question, or perhaps to finally really want what I was asking for.
I really get that last bit about really wanting what we ask for, but
could you please elaborate on the forming of the right question?
Do you think the words are important or can I just trust that HS will
> see my true intent regardless of how I express it?

Julieta, thank you for asking and giving me this opportunity to clarify in both our minds what I was saying.

I know that I can truly and completely trust the Holy Spirit. He will never give me what I do not want. So I can pretend to want something, or think I want it and ask for it, or I can be less than clear in my asking, and it does not matter. He disregards my words altogether and answers my heart. So you see, I cannot mess this up, and I will never receive what I do not truly want. The reason I want to ask the question, to clarify the question and to ask the right question is for my own benefit. This helps me to see what it is I truly want.

Asking the right question can look different at different times, but here is an example. Yesterday I had to work in the rain. It was cold and wet and I was slipping and sliding in the mud. I was miserable. The question (which I had not formulated into words as a question, but which was the question of my heart) was, why do I have to be out here and why does the weather have to be this way, and why do I have to be miserable?

Suddenly I remembered that I am committed to acceptance and allowance and this would be an excellent time to practice it. So my question changed. I told the Holy Spirit I was willing to accept the weather and my condition exactly as it was, but that I didn’t know how to do this. I offered to open my mind. This was an entirely different question. Since my goal is to awaken, it was the right question.

I got out of the car to do the next job and just stood there getting wet and being cold. I was given the thought that I could withdraw the judgment that this is bad. So I just noticed how the wind felt on my skin. And how the rain fell gently on the hood of my jacket. I noticed how it smelled very sweet. I finished this job and got back in my car and noticed how it felt to be warm and dry. Then I went on to the next job and did it again.

I began to rejoice in the day that we had created and to rejoice in the power and creativity which produced this day just for my awakening. How extraordinary we are when we allow the Love of God to create through us. I am so glad that I decided to enjoy and appreciate the moment rather than to reject it.

My first question was “why am I in this situation?”, and the better question was “what do you want me to do with it?”, or another way to say it is “how do I use this for my awakening?” The better question was more helpful to achieving my goal and so that was why it was a better question.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Holy Encounter in a Store

I was at a store today and there was a woman standing at the counter. Her body was badly deformed.  When I was young I have been repelled by this kind of thing, and would turn away.  As I grew older I was still repelled but ashamed of my feelings and would cover them over with pity. As I matured spiritually, I began to learn that neither response was appropriate, but that was just learning, the collection of new ideas. How I felt had not really changed and so I was conflicted between how I felt and how I thought I should feel. I would still turn away and still feel guilty, the only difference is that I was now confused about my feelings..

This time when I saw the woman I felt that sense of confusion, but beneath it was something else, something new. However, it was not clear. But it was right there, like a word on the tip of the tongue that I could not quite grasp. So I showed my confused thoughts to Holy Spirit. I asked Him how to see past what the body’s eyes show me. Immediately this beautiful, perfect thought came into my mind. “The soul that animates this body looks exactly like your soul.”

I had spent a lifetime imprisoning myself within the ego, looking out of the body’s eyes and seeing only an illusion. I had tried to see differently using the body’s eyes and that had left me only confused and frustrated. I still saw a separate being, different than me, whose goals were different than mine. In that one instant, with this new thought, I saw truly for the first time and knew this woman as myself. I knew the body I thought of as myself was only a tool, a communication device, something useful for that purpose only. I had heard those words before, but this was the first time their meaning had come alive for me.

As I looked at that woman’s body I saw that the mind chose a different communication device to learn specific lessons. It was not a sad or frightful thing that had happened to her. It was soul choice to learn in a particular way and so it was perfect for that soul’s lifetime desire. She was not deformed, the body was deformed. Deformity was not bad, only useful for a time. It did not just happen, it was a choice. And as all of this fell into place within my mind, the judgment born of fear that had prompted past reactions fell away, and my vision cleared. I didn’t see an unlucky or cursed woman, but another part of myself having an experience. In that holy instant I saw no separation and wanted no separation.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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