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THERE ARE NO JUSTIFIED RESENTMENTS

I was listening to a Wayne Dyer CD yesterday and I heard something that was very helpful to me. He said that there are no justified resentments. That?s great isn?t it? There are no justified resentments. I love that it is so clear. It doesn?t say there are almost no justified resentments. It doesn?t say that most resentments are not justified, just that there are no justified resentments.

If I accept that statement as true, then letting go of resentments becomes much easier. I don?t have to decide which resentments to let go of. I don?t have to decide which resentments deserve my attention because they are just so justified. I simply accept that none of them are justified, and go from there. And why would I accept that statement as true?

I accept it as true because I want to be happy. If I have even one resentment in my life, I have given up my peace. I have placed my happiness in someone else?s hands. I have said that my happiness and my peace are up to you. If you will just apologize or act differently, if the world will just modify itself to accommodate me, then I can be happy. Well, good luck with that!

If, on the other hand, I am willing to take full responsibility for how my life is at this moment, then I can have peace; I can be happy. It is all in my own hands as soon as I acknowledge that there are no justified resentments.

The only problem with this is that I want to argue that there are a few of my resentments that seem justified. I mean, that person really did something bad to me. He did it on purpose and ruined my life. Actually, once I get to thinking about it, my whole life is just a string of justified resentments. Well, ok, there a few resentments that become a stretch as I try to justify them, but the rest are certainly justified.

That?s the problem when I try to justify any one of them, the rest ride in on its coat tail. And the simple truth is, no matter what anyone did to me, or said to me, or how the world treated me, it is entirely up to me what I do with that. I can bemoan what happened and feel sorry for myself. I can continue to allow it to poison me for the rest of my life. Or, I can accept that the world does what it does, and how I feel about it or choose to see it, is the only reality it has for me.

I can recognize that what this person standing in front of me says is not the cause of my unhappiness. I am not angry because of what he said. I am angry because of how I chose to experience what he had to say. In this way, I am entirely responsible for my life. I am free at any moment to change my mind about how I feel about what happens to me. It is that simple.

While it is that simple, it isn?t always that easy, I grant you that. I have a death grip on some of my resentments. I can?t let them go because I don?t want to. I would prefer to be right than happy. It is insane to think that keeping you in the prison of my blame is going to make me happy or do anything good for me, but there you are. I do it all the time.

Since I made the decision to be happy I have been systematically releasing resentments. As each one comes up, I let it go. I give it to God and I ask Him for another way to see it. No one is prying it from my clenched fist; I am choosing to open up and let it fall away. I tell you; such a weight is lifted from my shoulders when I do this.

Sometimes, though, I will hide a resentment from myself. I?m not exactly lying when I say there are no more resentments. It is more like I am just withholding the truth. If I never think about them, then they can?t really hurt me, right? Wrong. I was reading Conscious Loving by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. These two psychologists say that withholding is a form of lying and that, physically, it can show up in several ways.

? Tight throat
? Clenched jaw
? Headaches at the temples or back of the neck
? Held or shallow breath
? Tension areas between shoulder blades or in the forearms
? Fluttering sensations in the stomach
? Evasive eye contact

I mention these symptoms because the other day I got a chance to experience them all. I didn?t realize what was going on at the time, but when I read this book I was amazed at how accurate they were.

Mary had invited me to the AA convention in Beaumont and I agreed to go. At the time I agreed, I felt a slight flutter in my stomach, but put it down to concern that I would have to cancel appointments and free up an entire day to accommodate this plan. By the time I got everything all arranged and arrived in Beaumont, I was fine with it, and was wondering what it would be like.

Well, when I went in I immediately realized I was way out of my comfort zone. As I started walking through all the people there, I felt myself closing off, putting up my shields. I knew this was crazy, but I couldn?t seem to help how I was feeling. I kept trying to see it differently, and just got more and more uncomfortable.

This really made no sense. Why was I feeling so threatened? I tried to think it out and couldn?t. There was a speaker for Al-Anon and I thought that this would be interesting to me. I grew up with an alcoholic father and have several relatives and many friends who are alcoholics and drug addicts. Even so, I have never been interested in going to Al-Anon, and had never attended a meeting.

If I had been really truthful with myself, I would have realized that it was more than a casual disregard that kept me from joining this group at some point. Well, we listened to a really nice lady who spoke very honestly about her experience as a wife of an alcoholic. She has been his wife for a very long time, and though it was a difficult marriage for much of that time, she loves her husband, and is very happy.

Those are the facts of what I heard, but my reaction indicated I was hearing something different. The more she spoke, the angrier I became. I didn?t know why. I just knew that I felt such resentment toward her, and now that I thought about it, I felt resentment toward the rest of the people in the room. What was going on? I was feeling all of those symptoms I told you about.

I couldn?t figure it out and I couldn?t really think about it. I was so busy keeping a tight control over my emotions that I couldn?t really think clearly. I just knew that I was going to have to look at this when I got home and could think again. I asked the Holy Spirit to look at it with me-later.

Well, later stretched on awhile. I kept myself pretty busy for awhile, but finally I couldn?t take the loss of peace any longer. I sat still and meditated. When I felt calmer, I asked the Holy Spirit to look at it with me and to help me see this differently. I took it a step at a time, and allowed myself to look closely at what happened, and to experience my feelings fully.

This is when I got a glimpse of some of those unconscious, deeply buried resentments. I remembered that I felt discomfort from the first moment I encountered the attendees in the halls. Why should I feel discomfort around people I don?t even know? The Holy Spirit helped me to see that I wasn?t seeing those people-I was seeing my fears. It was as if there were hundreds of people representing my fears rushing at me all at once. No wonder I was feeling overwhelmed.

Immediately, I got a picture of my father in my mind. Oh my, I thought I was through with that. I thought my dad was all dealt with and put away. I knew in that moment, I had been withholding the truth from myself. I felt such rage toward him. And the resentment I felt toward the people in the Al-Anon group, what was that all about?

The Holy Spirit helped me to see that they were bringing up for me the un-forgiveness that I was hiding from myself. That woman had forgiven and was happy. There was a part of my mind that was outraged that she had forgiven. Her story proved that she was fully justified in her resentments, and yet she had chosen forgiveness instead. Seeing this, I had to look at my own un-forgiveness toward my dad and also toward my ex husband, and what it was doing to me.

Ok, I thought I had fully forgiven these people, but I will just do it now. There, that?s done. Then I would see the face of the speaker in my mind, and it was like I put up my hand and said, ?Stop.? All the anger and hostility would rise up in me again. I tell you, I was really having issues with that poor woman! Every time I thought about her, I got mad.

I didn?t know what to do. This was just so disheartening. You think you have worked through something, and there it is all over again. I just couldn?t seem to get past my anger. I said, ?Holy Spirit, I just can?t do this. What am I going to do?? And the thought that came very clearly in that moment was, ?But you are not alone. I am with you.? I felt such a deep sense of relief flow over me.

I said, ?OK. I don?t know how to forgive this, but I am willing. What do I do?? He said to me, ?Nothing. You have already done your part. I will do the rest.? I just stood there and cried. I felt such peace.

After this, I saw that this had nothing to do with anything that happened outside of me. It had nothing to do with the convention, or the people there. I was no longer angry at that nice Al-Anon lady. I saw that it didn?t even have to do with my dad. My mom and dad came here to work on their forgiveness lessons, and that is what they were doing. I joined them so that I could work on my own. Why on earth would I resent them for providing the very circumstances that allowed me to do the work I had chosen to do?

I told my dad that I love him and that I appreciate him. I also appreciate that, all these many years after he died, he is still providing me with an opportunity to practice forgiveness, and to love unconditionally.

If I told you all the stories about my life living with an alcoholic father, and then with an alcoholic husband, I might convince you that my resentments are justified, but I don?t want to be justified. I don?t want to be right. I want to be happy. I want peace and joy. The world is just chock full of teachers, people who help me to see my own buried resentments, and so give me the chance to heal. I feel only gratitude toward them.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Hurricane Meditation

Complete Release Through the Restoration of the Sonship from 905

My mind is on Hurricane Katrina. I read this morning that the levies which keep Lake Ponchetrain out of New Orleans have been breached. I feel the sadness of the people who love that city. I feel the grief of those who have left behind their homes and everything they own, and may never return to. I feel my son, Toby?s upset over losing his first real home away from his childhood home, and the school he loves.

As I begin to do this meditation, I realize that this whole drama was created as a fantasy. It is an extreme and vivid way to make the illusion feel real. How very special are the people involved in this. How special, separate and unique. How special is the situation, and how separate and unique it is; very different from what is happening to other people.

This kind of drama on such a big scale, makes it easy to see how specialness works. As I am reading the accounts of Hurricane Katrina, I notice that I am buying into the specialness of New Orleans as a target; making us so very special because of special circumstances. It becomes so big in my mind that I am not interested in what happens in Alabama or Mississippi. There is even a sense of competition; they lost fifty people, but wait until the water goes down and we count the dead in New Orleans. I bet the count will be even higher.

As I realize how this is happening to me and I am sure to many other people, too, I can see so clearly how we use our twisted fantasies to support our belief in specialness-to make it feel even more real to ourselves. I also notice that the bigger, and more dramatic the illusion, the harder it is to remember that it isn?t real.

As long as we treasure our specialness and continue to support it with our fantasies, these special circumstances will continue to develop within the illusion. We cannot have more favorable illusions, gentle, sweet and precious illusions without also having the more dramatic, frightening, and devastating illusions. We cannot keep any of our illusions without keeping all of them.

I am suddenly aware that I have been counting my lucky stars because I don?t live in New Orleans, and this isn?t happening to me. But it is; there is only one mind. They are me, this is happening to me; that is to me as I am truly, when I am not experiencing myself as separate. So, my relief at not being literally part of the experience of living thru a direct hit, reinforces my belief in separation. It happened to them-how sad; it didn?t happen to me-how lucky. But there are no differences in us. The Sonship is whole; we are one, and it happened to all of the Sonship. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say this illusion was created by all of the Sonship-we made it and it is our experience.

As I think of the people who were directly involved in this experience, I am tempted to feel sadness and sorrow. In fact, not to feel these things seems cold and callous. But in truth, I know that they are not suffering and devastated people. In truth, they are still loving extensions of God. They are still in God?s Mind. How could they be in harms way if they are in God?s Mind? They can be in danger only in our twisted fantasies. My part will be to remember for all the truth of who we are, rather than to join in the illusion of separateness and make it stronger in our mind.

I see myself embracing all of these people who are experiencing themselves as separate, suffering individuals. I see myself embracing the mayor of New Orleans whose heart is heavy as he sees his beloved city drowning under the waters of Lake Ponchatrain and feels the helplessness of not being able to stop it. I see myself bringing comfort and reassurance to all parts of the Sonship as I know for them that we are all one, and that we are all really safely at home in the loving embrace of our Father.

Our sick fantasies, no matter how real and devastating we make them, remain fantasies. Nothing has changed. I am part of All, and so are you. In my body and within my own story, I continue to offer refuge to those who see themselves as harmed, but my real work is in holding the truth for them, and for me. Holy Spirit, please support me in this work. Please keep the truth firmly in the forefront of my mind. Please do not let me become distracted by the illusion of pain and destruction we have made. 

 

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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I AM HERE ONLY TO BE TRULY HELPFUL

A Course In Miracles has a prayer that begins; I am here only to be truly helpful. How can I be truly helpful? What constitutes true help? Have you ever had someone interfere in your life, and when you called them on it they said, ?I was only trying to help?? Have you ever been asked, ?How can I help?? only to have no answer because though you wanted help, you didn?t really know what would help.

A common mistake I have made is to think that it is truly helpful to fix people. I have spent my life thinking that it is my responsibility to fix everyone. I thought that this was being helpful, and a good person. I thought this gave my life purpose.

What I have learned is that when I see another person as needing to be fixed, this is wrong-minded thinking. Now I am learning to trust my brother, to know that he is not his actions, but rather he is perfect as God created him.

I have learned that if I truly want to be helpful, then the most useful thing that I can do is to hold him in the Light. By holding him in the Light, I mean that I never lose sight of his wholeness, of his holiness. I know who he is. He is God?s perfect child. In God he is mighty.

Does this mean that I pretend he is not facing a challenge? Do I turn a blind eye to his pain?  No, I honor his story. Yes, he is experiencing himself in pain and I know what that feels like. I know how real it seems and how difficult it is to move out of it.

At the same time, I don?t join him in his illusion by making it real. I don?t believe in his illusion. I don?t believe that this person is a weak, vulnerable creature in need of outside help. God knows how strong and perfect we are. He does not reach down and move us out of the sticky traps we have put ourselves into, because He knows we don?t need Him to do that. If He did this for us, He would be saying that we are weak and needy. If God did believe this about us, it would be true.

Something that I learned listening to a set of tapes by Tom and Linda Carpenter is that anytime I am counseling someone, formally or informally, the moment I think I know the answer, that I know how they can fix this, this is the moment I back off. I know that I have put the ego in charge. I step back, and ask the Holy Spirit to take the lead.

One thing I know for sure-I don’t know what I am supposed to say or do. This is why I always ask Spirit first. I surrender my need to be in charge and to be right. As I do this, I am also releasing my attachment to the outcome. My son called me the other day to tell me that he is having trouble with his landlady, and can’t figure out what to do about it. As he told his story, it did indeed seem that he was justified in his anger and confusion.

He has a window in his apartment that opens from the outside and, for security reasons, he wanted to put some kind of lock on it. She didn?t want him to, and all of her reasons for not doing so were unreasonable. She has such an odd way of looking at things that one doesn?t know how to talk to her. It left Toby feeling confused and vulnerable.

I could easily have joined him in this perception of what was happening. In fact, that is exactly what I did at first. I looked at what seemed to be going on, and saw that his landlady was being unreasonable, and that she was a threat to him. I saw my son in a position of vulnerability and I looked for ways he could defend himself. I made some reassuring comments, and some suggestions on how he could get the upper hand.

As we said goodbye and I put the phone down, I felt uneasy with my response. At first I didn?t realize why. I just knew that I didn?t feel peaceful with what I had said. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me where I went wrong. I was reminded of a message I had recently heard on one of those tapes by Tom and Linda Carpenter. Tom said that any decision made should be of benefit to all. 

What could Toby do or say that would fit that description? I asked the Holy Spirit what I could say that would be truly helpful to Toby and to the landlady. I called Toby back and told him that I had a different answer for him. I don?t remember exactly what I told him, but it was something like this. I suggested that he recognize her behavior for what it was; fear. As a matter of fact, Caroline, his girlfriend, had already noted this, and so he had been thinking about it. When people are fearful, calmness and kindness is a better response than retaliation.

I suggested that even when she wasn?t around that he might think of her as she really is, that perfectly created child of Light and Love, and that he could use this time to practice seeing past her fearful actions to the truth of her. This is holding her in the Light. It is the best prayer we can have for someone. It is the solution that benefits everyone.

As we see others we see ourselves. If I think you are lacking in some way, I am teaching myself that I too, can be lacking in this way. What is possible for you is also possible for me. I don?t want to teach you that you are something I don?t want to be. So as Toby is learning that unreasonable is what his landlady is doing, not who she is, he is at the same time teaching himself that neither is he the errors he makes. They both remain as they were created. This is a win-win answer.

I was given a spiritual response and so that is what I gave him. What I told him felt right, but I had no attachment to the outcome. It was not the quick and easy answer I am sure he was looking for in the moment. He listened with interest, but I am not sure he will do it. That?s ok, I fully trust Toby to make his own decisions. Even when he makes decisions that cost him in some way, I trust that these errors are just stepping stones to the place he needs to be.  I fully trust him to do just that. I love him enough to allow him to do that. Whatever Toby needs to do to learn his lessons is what I want him to do. This is holding Toby in the Light. The way I can be most helpful to him, in any circumstance is not to be sure he does what I say, but to believe in who he is, and to never mistake what he does for who he is.

Sometimes I feel the need to fix someone because, while I hate to see her suffer, I also recognize that a lot of that pain I feel is caused by my own projections. I see that person doing what I have done in the past and what I am afraid I will do in the future, and I hate that she is mirroring my own nightmares back to me. I even find myself feeling resentment toward her when what she mirrors for me is particularly painful. But on the other hand, I am also able to feel gratitude that I am being shown what needs to be healed in myself, and so can now ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking on this.

When someone I care about found herself in desperate financial straits, I wanted to do something to help her through this. The problem was, I didn?t have the kind of money that it would take to do it. Every time I would think about what was happening in her life, I would feel anxious. I kept taking it to the Holy Spirit and asking for another way to see it.
The next morning as I was once again feeling anxious about the situation and asking for help seeing this clearly, I found my mind wandering to my own finances. I was doing OK, but I started thinking about what would happen if I suddenly lost my job, knowing that I am not financially prepared for something like that. What would I do? How would I cope?

Ah, now I understood why I was having so much trouble seeing my friend?s problem clearly. The Holy Spirit was showing me that she was being a mirror in which I could see my own fears plainly-fears I didn?t even realize I had. Now, with this new clarity, I could ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking. With my thinking on the subject healed, I was able to see her as healed as well. I was able to be truly helpful to her.

My job is to allow healing for myself. As I am healed, I will be a blessing to the other people in my life. I cannot bless them in this way unless I first accept healing for myself. When they see how happy that makes me, they will just naturally want it for themselves. It is not my job to correct anyone; it is only my job to model for them what has been corrected in myself.

So, when my motivation to help someone flows from a feeling of discomfort, I can recognize that the discomfort is my own, not theirs. When my friend told me that her husband was getting drunk and acting out violently, I felt a flash of anger. I was angry at him for his behavior and at her for staying there and putting up with it. I stepped back for a moment and asked the Holy Spirit why I am feeling so much anger.

I was shown that when I looked at my friend?s situation, I was seeing my own past vulnerability. I saw myself in a similar place and felt my fear and frustration at the situation. I remembered how long I stayed in it and felt stupid. I never want to be in that situation again, and here is my friend showing me how easy it is to get caught up in it again.

I can see that I am not really reacting to my friend; I am reacting to my own feelings. My motivation is mixed. Sure, I want my friend to be happy and safe, but I also want to protect myself from what she is reflecting back to me. My friend is the mirror in which I see something about myself that I don?t like. My secret dark heart that I don?t want anybody to see (including myself) wants to reach out and smash that mirror. Instead, I become invested in trying to fix her so that I don?t have to look at what upsets me.

The solution I chose was to look, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and with complete honesty at what I was feeling. I owned all my feelings, even the ones that I felt embarrassed or ashamed about. I then asked the Holy Spirit to correct my wrong minded thoughts and so to heal my mind.

Now I will have something real to offer my friend. If she sees my joy and my peace she may be motivated to get out of her present situation so she can have that, too. If she is not, then I know that it is OK. I have planted a seed, and someday it may take root. In the meantime, I will do my part and hold her in the Light, knowing the truth about her until she is ready to acknowledge that truth herself.

So how can I be truly helpful? Let me read you the rest of the prayer:

I am here only to be truly helpful.
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry about what to say or what
to do, because he who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing
He goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.
                          ACIM T-2.V.18:2-6

I can be truly helpful by getting my little self out of the way and allowing God to direct me.

 

 

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Worry

Lately I have been indulging in worry, and I?ve got to tell you that this is a monumental waste of time. I know this for sure because after a week of concerted effort put into worry, I can say with absolute certainty that nothing was accomplished through this activity.

Worry seems like such a natural thing to do. Like everyone else, I learned early on to worry about things. Our teachers told us to worry about passing tomorrow?s math test because it was going to be a big part of our grade. They did it because they were afraid we would not study otherwise. Our parents encouraged us to worry about a myriad of things, and we do the same to our own children. It falls under the guise of protecting them. We do it because we don?t want anything bad to happen to them; because we love them.

Alan Cohen said, ?Worry is not a form of love. Vision, confidence, and belief in him are.? I was thinking about this last week after I got tired of giving my peace away through worry. I am so accustomed to worry as a form of love, that I had never questioned it. My son was in a wreck, so I spent three days worrying. A hurricane was coming so I worried about him being in its path, and when I convinced him to come home I worried about him losing all his stuff that he had left behind.

I worried about my daughter?s financial plans. She is in the middle of some exciting but risky ventures. What if everything went wrong? I think about it and I seem justified in worrying. Hurricanes and financial loss seem scary. Unexpected things do happen, and they can seem bad. I love these people so shouldn?t I worry? If I didn?t worry wouldn?t that mean I didn?t care about them?

I asked myself how it would feel not to worry about them. It seems weird to even think about it. If Toby was caught in a hurricane and I wasn?t worried about him, wouldn?t you wonder what was wrong with me? And yet, what good does it do? Is he one iota safer because I am here worrying about him? And is it really love that prompts worry?

I think it is fear, actually, that causes anyone to be worried; fear of loss. I am not really afraid that Toby will die. Toby will die when it is his time. There is nothing bad about dieing. We do what we came here to do, and then we leave. There is no real ending, just a change in venue. I get that. My fear is about my own sense of loss, and the grief I would experience. I am afraid to be without him for the time that is left for me.

I don?t really believe that financial loss is the end of the world either. All things that happen to us are opportunities to love, to forgive, to practice being in peace and that is all the meaning anything has. If Toby lost all his stuff, then he would learn that stuff can be replaced. It has no real value of itself. If Sheryl were to fail in her financial venture, she would learn from her errors and move on, a better person for it. So why do I worry? I think it may be because, as a mom, I feel a misguided need to fix everything for them, even when I know that it is not possible or even desirable for me to do so. I think if I can?t fix it, I will be a failure as a mom.

Well, it became apparent to me as I thought this out, that my worry for others was really worry for myself. I had not realized this before. If I want to be truly helpful, I can choose to do as Alan Cohen suggested; I can see my children with true vision. I can see them as confident, strong, and able. I can see them as God created them. If this is the vision I have of them, it will be reflected in my words and my actions. They will be aware of my belief in them and it will strengthen their belief in themselves. Isn?t this a far more loving thing to do than to worry about them?

It is very important that I realize my words and actions are continually teaching. Do I want to teach fear and weakness? Or do I want to teach strength and faith? I have no option but to teach, however, it is up to me what I choose to teach. While there may seem to be many options, it is really very straight forward. There are always only two options. I can choose for the ego, or I can choose for God. The choice I make supports one or the other. Which do I support?

And it does matter which I support. What I support I strengthen, and what I do not support I weaken. I think we all recognize this at some level even though we may not have really thought it out. This is the reason we want people to agree with us. We know that their agreement supports our beliefs. We know that their failure to agree weakens it. That is why some people are very upset when we refuse to go along with their religious or political beliefs. They need our agreement to strengthen their point of view.

So what do I do with worry when it starts? Over the last couple of weeks I have had some experience with this. I held onto my fear for several days before I let it go. I don?t entirely understand why I choose to stay in my dramas, but I recognize that I do. Eventually, though, I remember how much better life is when I choose peace instead.

Once I choose peace, I have set an intention to make it happen. This gets things rolling. I may not move immediately into peace, but my intention invites heaven to assist me. I have all the help I need to get to where I intend to be. The longer I stay in chaos, the more difficult it is for me to make that choice. It is as if I get lost there and can?t find my way out. My mind becomes busy with thoughts, and I don?t know which one to believe.

This is what happened to me recently. So when I decided that I wanted my peace back, I recognized that I needed help. I asked the Holy Spirit to look at all my thoughts with me and to correct the ones that were in error. I thought I had already done that, but I wasn?t in peace. What I realized was that I had been asking the Holy Spirit to take away my discomfort, but I was holding onto my thoughts.

I can?t have both. I can?t have mistaken thoughts and peace of mind. One will not exist with the other. As soon as I saw what I was doing, I decided that I was willing to see this in a different way. The Holy Spirit showed me the truth about worry, and gave me this new way of looking at things. This was not instantaneous. I had to practice choosing peace. Each time ego thoughts would rise to the top, I looked at them with the Holy Spirit. I allowed my mind to be healed.  Eventually, as each was corrected, there were fewer and fewer worry thoughts, and my peace was uninterrupted.

The truth is, I don?t know what anything means anyway. There is a great sense of relief as I say that. I don?t know what anything means. Why should I think that it is my responsibility to make decisions? It is one of my favorite prayers to say, ?I make no decisions on my own.? I open my mind to the Holy Spirit and invite Him in. I ask Him to decide for me because I know that He speaks for God. This too, brings peace.

Life goes on; things happen, some of them upsetting to my plans. I can?t change that. I can choose to keep my peace in the midst of it all. I can allow the Holy Spirit to show me a different way to see the things that are happening. He can help me change my perspective.

I was reading a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called ?There?s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem.? Shortly after Dr. Dyer wrote this book, he had an opportunity to practice what he had just preached. He had a heart attack. He ate healthy, exercised regularly all his life, meditated daily, did what he loved and loved what he did. Heart attacks were supposed to happen to other people, not to him.

Dr. Dyer couldn?t believe this was happening to him. He felt sorry for himself. He was in a state of shock and disbelief. He was feeling self-pity, sadness, doubt. He was scared. Then he turned this around as he thought of the principles of his book and realized there was a spiritual solution to this problem, too.

He said: The facts are the facts, my heart had been injured. Now it was up to me. I am not this body; I am a spiritual being, eternal, always connected to God. I could shift my awareness to being the observer rather than the victim? It was as if a light came on in a dark room.  Dr. Dyer had brought his problem to God, and had been shown a different way to see things. He began to feel cheerful rather than morose. He began to circulate around the hospital ward bringing cheer to others. He started seeing the other people and the staff differently. Instead of looking at everyone with fear and anxiety, he was seeing them with awe, love, and respect. He said: I looked for what was right about that place and experienced gratitude for everything my senses witnessed. Surely the presence of God is in this place.

Dr. Dyer recognized that he could not change what was happening in the world of form, but that did not mean he was helpless in the situation. He had a choice. He could choose to stay in worry, or he could choose to allow the Holy Spirit to show him a different way to see. Choosing for God made all the difference in the world. He helped not only himself, but his actions taught everyone there. His doctor?s wife had been suffering from illness, and what she heard about Dr. Dyer?s spiritual solution to his physical problems it set her on a spiritual path. It also impressed his cardiologist and gave him a new way to help his patients.

So what I have learned these past two weeks is that when I see I am in a state of worry and fear, I know that there is nothing to be gained from staying in it. Worry serves no useful purpose. I know that I am not a victim of the world, and do not have to remain in this state; I can choose differently by choosing God. I know that all my problems are a direct result of faulty thinking, and that I can ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking. I may not be able to change what is happening in the physical world, but by changing my mind, I can change my experience of what is happening. I know that changing my thinking changes everything.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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The Path to God

It seems that there are many paths that I can take in my life. But in truth there is only one. All roads lead to God. I look back over my life and some of the things I have experienced argue against this idea. It certainly doesn?t look like I have always been on the right path. It doesn?t seem that I have always been on the path to God. But then, when I reconsider, I see that I have experienced in life exactly what I need to be where I am now. I also see that, yes, all roads do lead to God, because God is all there is.

I?ve done a lot of crazy things in my life. During those times, it certainly didn?t seem that I was on a path to God. I didn?t sleep through the sixties, and I lived the seventies as if they were the sixties, too. I burned my bra, I practiced free love with enthusiasm, I inhaled! I made mistakes that felt really big. I hurt myself and I hurt other people. I spent some time being very angry at God. I openly and frankly cursed Him. And each thing I did brought me a step closer to my Father, because there is no place else to go.

At some point in the eighties, I made up with God. How amused the Universe must have been to hear that I was returning to where I had never left. Now I sat my foot more deliberately on the path home. I began to realize that I wanted the road to God, and I started to really put some effort into it. I studied and meditated. I opened my mind to seeing things differently. I worried that I would choose the wrong path. The Holy Spirit tried to show me that all the paths, no matter how different or odd one might seem, wound up right back at the same place.

I wasn?t very consistent in my spiritual efforts. I would be working really hard, and then suddenly I would wake up to the fact that I was floating aimlessly through life again. I would feel guilty for losing my way, for veering off path again. As if I could. As if there was some other path.

I spent the nineties slipping on and off my intended spiritual path. I would do what I thought God wanted me to do and I would feel good about myself. Then I would mess up and I would feel guilty. I would feel like a failure. I would feel like I had made a promise to God and then failed to keep it. God just kept right on loving me, carrying me. When I felt able I would get back on my feet and try again. Why did I think that I needed to walk my path on my own? Why did I think it would be better if God did not carry me?

With the new millennium I came near to celebrating another decade in this life. It also brought a new determination to walk a straighter path. I finally realized that I probably was not going to remain in this life forever. I felt a driving force moving me steadily toward God. I asked for whatever it would take to keep me going-to get me to my destination. I expressed a willingness to do whatever it took. God answered my prayers, and I heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my heart in a way I never had before.

I was led to Pathways of Light, and they provided a structured program that would help me reach my hearts desire. I was shown how to use A Course in Miracles to move me forward at a faster, surer pace. I was led each step of the way. I was assured that I need only focus on my true purpose and everything else would be taken care of. Did that mean that I would never have any problems? No, but it did mean that whatever problems came up in my life, I would have the option of taking them to the Holy Spirit to be solved. If that is what I chose to do, then the problems themselves would move me another step down the path.

My path brought me to the Church of the Brethren. I am so grateful for this opportunity to share with, and learn from, such a terrific bunch of people. I can hardly believe my good fortune to find a church so inclusive, so loving, and so open minded. But then, it is not really good fortune; it is another step planned for me by the Holy Spirit. I set my intention to follow His lead, and He, in turn, led me to exactly the place where I should be.

I would like to share with you some of the things that I have learned while on this path.  I have learned that I have never done anything wrong. I have taken a few side roads, but they all led back to the path. They slowed me down, but that?s OK because I learned many lessons while on them. I spent some time in regrets and guilt, and that slowed me down, too, but what I learned was that guilt and regrets are a waste of time. What I have done or failed to do is irrelevant to God. He knows His creations and He knows that my actions cannot change what He created. I am just as God created me. Still.

I have learned that there are only two voices; the voice of the ego, and the voice of the Holy Spirit. I can choose the voice I want to hear. It is always my choice which I listen to. One will lead to chaos and one will lead to peace. I love the simplicity. I can ask at any time, ?Who am I listening to?? and the answer is always only one of two voices. The answer is very clear and the choice to listen to the Voice for God is always possible.

I have learned that peace is my one goal. Peace is all I want in life. I have tried lots of other things and none of them have brought me happiness. I don?t remember where I read it, but something that has always impressed me as true is that intelligence is the measure of your ability to make yourself happy. If that is so, my intelligence quotient has risen over the years.

If I have to choose between being right or being happy, happy is going to win out every time.  That is another place in my life that has become simpler. I look at my choices and ask which one will bring peace into my life, and that is the one I choose. 

I?ve learned that everyone, without exception, is always giving love, or asking for love. There?s that simplicity again. If my boss speaks to me in anger, I know that he is not expressing love, so he must be asking for love. My choice is to return the attack, or choose a loving response. Which will bring peace into my life? So simple.

I?ve learned that when Jesus told me not to judge, he wasn?t joking. He really knew what he was talking about. He was very aware that there was no way I could know everything there was to know about each person involved, past, present and future. Without that information to work with, how could I make any kind of informed judgment? It was amazing to me how much smoother my life?s path became when I stopped trying to do what I am clearly not qualified to do. When I step back into that role of judge, it is exactly like stepping onto a rocky path, and I stumble.

While I could see that it was a mistake to judge the people in my life, it took a little longer to apply the non-judgment rule to everything else in my life. I just didn?t see that at first. Then I began to apply the same criteria to events. I don?t know what this event means in the long run.

At one time, I thought that I absolutely could not live if I didn?t have a certain man in my life. I judged that he was necessary to my happiness and that having him was a good thing. I was
wrong about that, but I couldn?t have made a clear judgment, because I couldn?t possibly know all that would happen as a result of my machinations to make this alliance possible.

I am learning to let life be what it is. I am learning not to judge what is happening, and instead, to seek peace no matter what seems to be happening. This, too, has made life simpler and happier. If my focus is peace instead of change, I am able to disengage from what is happening around me. One way I see this in action is through work. I used to think that when I got a new customer it was an exciting occasion. I judged that as good.

The thing is, if getting a new customer is good, what is losing a customer? So long as my goal is increasing my customer base, my peace is constantly at risk. Even when I get a new customer, my happiness is tainted with the fear of losing a customer. I can change my goal. I can decide that all I want is peace. I can stop judging each event as good or bad. When I am tempted to do so, I can give that judgment to the Holy Spirit. I can ask him for another way to see this. When I bring God into my life, I bring peace into my life.

I have learned that every seeming problem in my life is just a forgiveness lesson. It is an opportunity for me to practice forgiving. It doesn?t matter what seems to be happening, this is what it is for. When I hit those rocky places on my path, I ask myself what it is I need to forgive. Forgiveness is really simple; it is just a change of mind.

If I think you have done something to me, I forgive the idea that you have attacked me. Instead I allow the Holy Spirit to show me a different way to see this. I see your ?attack? as a call for love. The Holy Spirit may show me that you didn?t really do anything at all, and that I am actually seeing my fears reflected in your actions, and that is why I feel attacked. I forgive the picture I was holding of you, and this allows me to see the Christ that you are.

All paths lead to God. My choice is who I want to walk with. I can walk with the ego in fear, or I can walk with God in love. It makes no difference in reality, but in my experience it makes a world of difference. One brings me happiness and peace and the other leads me down a rocky and rough road; same road, different experience. When I walk the path of Love, God walks with me. When I walk a different path, God still walks with me, I just don?t know it.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Retroactive Forgiveness

I have talked about forgiveness more than once, but I want to revisit this idea again. Forgiveness is my purpose in life. It is what I do. Anytime I feel anything less than joy about whatever circumstances pop up, I know that I have before me another chance to forgive. It is through forgiveness that I am healed. If I have held onto a grievance, then that grievance has had time to play itself out through my body, and so when I forgive, I give my body a chance to heal. Holding a grievance affects my mind. It holds me prisoner to raging emotions; anger, fear, guilt, vengeance, despair.  Forgiveness frees me, and allows me to experience joy again.

I want to talk about retroactive forgiveness today. This is the idea that we can forgive today what has happened in the past and so be free of its effects. I have wasted a lot of time on regrets. I am sorry for things I have said and done in the past. I am burdened with grudges I hold against people for things they have done in the past. I want to clean up all of this detritus.

I have been keeping these grievances imprisoned in the dark cellar of my mind, bringing them up from time to time to reexamine; to revel in righteous anger, or to wallow awhile in guilty regrets. Now I am ready to ?clean up my act? as folks say.
Even the oldest unforgiving thought still affects my life, and so I want to be free of it. There is a most powerful passage from A Course in Miracles:    The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love. (T.26.IX.6.1) 

Forgiveness will do this for me. It will free my mind, it will create in my life the holiest of spots. Forgiveness works just as well on past regrets as it does on what is happening in my life today. It is never too late to forgive. It doesn?t matter how ancient the grievance. Nor does it matter at all how big or how small the unforgiveness. Each is just as destructive to my peace of mind. If I hold a grudge because my ex-husband said an unkind word to me, I have lost my peace. If I am angry because I think that someone has ruined my life, I have lost my peace. Either way, I have lost my peace.

To start the forgiveness process I must first understand what true forgiveness is. Most commonly we look at forgiveness as a mercy we bestow on someone who doesn?t deserve it. We say to ourselves that this person did something wrong, they don?t deserve my forgiveness because they truly wronged me, but I am a big person so I will go ahead and forgive them. It feels like I am sacrificing my own best interests so that this person can be forgiven.

I am going to use an old grievance I had held onto for a very long time as an example. Let?s look at it from the conventional view of forgiveness. About 30 years ago (yes, I have been dragging around this albatross for 30 years!) I worked for a doctor. He was a real horror to work for and eventually he just got to be too much. He was angry at me for quitting and held it against me.

While I did not like working for him, I did love working in a doctor?s office. I loved helping people, and I was good at it. When I applied for a similar job in another city, the doctor gave me a bad reference. I had done such a good job for him, and even after I quit, I came back on my own time and helped his new employee learn her job. I did not deserve the reference he gave me.  Because of the bad reference, I did not get the job I applied for, and I never tried for another job with a doctor.

Conventional wisdom holds that to forgive him for the bad reference would mean that first I recognize that he wronged me, and then I decide that, being the better person, I will let him off the hook for what he did. What happened is that I found I was not that good of a person. I resented what he said. He embarrassed me. He also kept me from a kind of job that I would have enjoyed and been good at. Every time I thought about him, I would feel a surge of anger. From time to time, I would bring out this old grievance so I could experience my righteous anger all over again. It sounds funny to say that I got something out of this-and that I somehow enjoyed my anger, but I must have because I kept doing it. For thirty years!

Whatever little satisfactions I get from replaying in my mind my little drama with the doctor, does not come without a cost. I can have my grievance, or I can have peace. I cannot have both. We tell ourselves that we can compartmentalize our anger but this isn?t true. Anger at anything, is going to spill over into other parts of our lives. If you happen to come into my life while I am reliving this particular drama, look out because the chances are good that my anger will spill over onto you. You say something to me and I snap at you. Later we are both left wondering what happened.

I have chosen for peace often enough now that I want peace all the time. I really miss my peace when I choose against it, so I want to truly forgive the doctor. I am no longer willing to give him my peace in exchange for anger no matter how righteous I think it is. Can I forgive him at this late date, I wondered? I doubt he is even alive now. But here?s the thing, it doesn?t matter when I forgive. It doesn?t matter if he is in his body to accept my forgiveness. Let?s face it; he isn?t interested in my forgiveness.

I am not forgiving him because he needs my forgiveness. In fact he lived on blissfully unaware that I harbored a grudge against him. In truth, it is only I that am prisoner to my grievances. Do I believe that he walked around burdened with this heavy guilt about how he wronged me? It is only I who struggle through life under the burden of my perceived grievances. I am not choosing forgiveness for his sake, but only for my self.

There are some things in life that seem so hard to forgive when we look at forgiveness in the way I just described. Well, no problem is so big that it can?t be solved by a good miracle, and what is more miraculous than a change of mind.

So, how do I change my mind? Before I pull anything up from the dark places in my mind to really look at it, I ask the Holy Spirit to look with me. The Holy Spirit brings light to my mind and that light shines away the darkness. If I try to look on my own, I only see what I remembered storing there. Nothing changes. I see his error, and my anger. I didn?t get vengeance in the moment and so I seek for it in my imagination. This is all I see.  With the light the Holy Spirit brings, I am able to see this differently.

Here is what the Holy Spirit showed me when we looked together. He showed me that the doctor didn?t really hurt me. He spoke some words. They were not true. That really happened, and it would be silly and ineffective to try to say it didn?t. But what he said is not what caused me pain. It is how I felt about what he said that was the problem.

There was something in his words that brought up for me a feeling of unworthiness. There was a part of me that believed I was guilty, if not of this, then of something. I didn?t want to feel guilty and unworthy, and I didn?t want to look at those feelings, so I projected them onto the doctor. There, now he is the guilty one. He is to blame for this bad feeling in me.

The problem is, as long as I think he is responsible for my feelings, I have given him all the control. He can keep me feeling bad about myself for 30 years. Forgiveness shows me that he is not guilty. He is not to blame for my feelings. Through the process of forgiveness, I am able to take complete responsibility for my feelings.

I also thought that the doctor robbed me of my future. I wanted to be part of a healing place and his bad reference kept me from doing this. The Holy Spirit also told me that I wound up exactly where I needed to be. I thought that the doctor prevented me from experiencing my destiny, but the Holy Spirit said that he put me on the road to my destiny, and that I owed him only thanks as I owe only thanks to all my brothers, without exception.

Through the process of forgiveness, I am able to give the belief system that supports unworthiness to the Holy Spirit for correction. Through the process of forgiveness, I am healed. I did not do the healing myself. All healing is of God. My part was to be willing to accept the gift of healing, and forgiveness was the way I did it. I traded my righteous anger for the peace of God. It was a good deal. I don?t miss that drama at all.

True forgiveness happens as I become willing to see this differently. I become willing to see that I chose to feel anger at his words and actions. I accept full responsibility for my own feelings and I stop trying to make them someone else?s fault. The process of forgiveness forgives, not the person or his actions, but rather it sees that it is only my perception of what happened that needs to be changed.

In the old way of perceiving forgiveness, I was making what the doctor did real, and then was trying to forgive it. It didn?t work. Through the miracle of true forgiveness, I recognize that he didn?t do anything to me, and I am forgiving the thought that he did, by seeing the situation differently.

Forgiveness is all inclusive. In order to experience the peace of God, I forgive everyone for whatever I thought they did to me. I make no exceptions. That is its beauty. I don?t have to take each instance and decide which is deserving of forgiveness. I don?t have to figure anything out. I love the absolutes, the ?nevers? and the ?always?; they take the guess work out of it. I already know that I want to forgive whatever the circumstances, I only need to bring God into the process and it is done.

So what I have learned about forgiveness is this:
1. Forgiveness is retroactive. It doesn?t matter how old the perceived wrong, it can be forgiven in the present moment.
2. Forgiveness is the way to peace. It is all inclusive and no one or thing gets left out. There is no place in my life where I will say everything else gets forgiven, but this one grievance I am holding onto.
3. Forgiveness is not about anyone else. It is about changing my own mind with the recognition that I alone am responsible for my feelings. I am always free to change my mind about how I feel about my grievances. I am always willing, with the Holy Spirit?s help, to see this differently.
4. And most important of all, I am not alone in this process. I give to it my willingness, and God does the rest. When I fail to accept forgiveness and have to repeat the process, I forgive myself and just get on with it. I do the process as often as I must in order to fully accept forgiveness.
5. And finally, as forgiveness becomes my goal, and the way I live, I live in peace.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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State of Fear

State of Fear

I have been reading the new novel by Michael Crichton, “A State of Fear.” The premise is that since the cold war ended, there has been a conspiracy to find new ways to keep people in a state of fear so that they can more easily be controlled. Examples would be global warming, thousands of ways we get cancer from our environment, etc.

My first thought was how easy we make it for them. We don’t need much of a conspiracy because we fall so quickly and so willingly into fear of every kind. I can’t see any way out of this except through A Course in Miracles. The hardest part of letting go of fear is that first step. I see that I am very afraid of something and I take that thought (because after all, it is only a thought even if it does seem hugely frightening) to the Holy Spirit and offer Him my willingness to see it differently. But like anything that scares me, it is hard to take my eyes off it. It is as if the boogey man will eat me up if I let my eyes stray from the danger. So sometimes I have to start out by giving the Holy Spirit what little willingness I have, and asking Him to fortify it. That works, too.

It does, indeed, seem that we live in a state of fear. Why do I so willingly accept fear each time it is offered to me? Some years ago there was a scare about apples. It was announced that apples are sprayed with something that causes cancer and people became afraid to eat them. There was a real run on organic apples in health food stores. I was getting caught up in the scare along with everyone else when someone pointed out that we need to be sane about this. He reminded us that we live longer and are healthier than people have ever been. He reminded me that I was in far more danger of being killed in a car wreck than I was of dieing from eating apples and he didn?t see me giving up driving. Why was I so willing to buy into the fear that the media was selling?

Could it be that I am responding to the deep seated, unconscious guilt that I have because I think I have sinned against God? Sin is the belief I have separated myself from God and so am no longer Love. The body is the proof that this is so and it is the way I play out sin. This state of fear I find myself in always revolves around the body. Without the body there would be no fear. Without the body, where would be my proof that I have sinned and so have something to fear?

How do I get free of this mindset? I have been taking Pathways of Light Course 915 and what I am learning is that I have a choice in the goal the body serves. The ego thought system is designed around the body serving fear, but I can choose to serve truth instead. Workbook page 419, P 2:6-7 says, ?Truth can be its aim as well as lies. The senses then will seek instead for witnesses to what is true.? One thing I have discovered is that it is very hard to seek for witnesses to truth if I keep my attention focused on lies. I don?t find truth on CNN, or watching endless replays of scary stories on the local updates. I get my news from the papers or off of the internet, and only periodically. I am then able to read only as much as I want to and am not as likely to get pulled into the drama.

In fact, I can use the news stories as practice for seeing the truth. An example of this would be instead of seeing President Bush as the antichrist trying to drag us into another Vietnam, I can see him as the holy Son of God that he is and recognize that he, like me, is just struggling to break free of the state of fear he has brought himself to.

Something else I read in Course 915, is that seeing that the separation never really happened and that our Identity in God is unchanged is what releases us from fear. The idea of Halloween is used to demonstrate how our belief in separation through bodies is just a game we frighten ourselves with. It reminded me of my child?s first participation in Halloween. She loved dressing up for Halloween, but when I put on my mask she was very frightened. I had to take it off and show her it was really me and that the mask didn?t change that. I had to do it several times before she really relaxed and was able to enjoy the fun of it.

This is what is happening to me. I wanted to play this game of being separate from God and imagining that living in a body made me separate from my brothers. It was the scary mask of pretend, but I got so involved in my play that I forgot it wasn?t real. I began to believe in the fearful idea that I could be separate from God, different from what He created me to be, and that He was mad at me for it.

The way I am learning to return to the truth is by being aware of what I am doing. I notice those thoughts that try to draw me into a state of fear. I look straight at them and ask the Holy Spirit to look with me. They seem so dark and so threatening when I look alone, but when the Holy Spirit looks with me, He shines the light of truth on them and the darkness is gone. I do this every time I am aware of fearful thoughts. It is like taking little small steps, but each step leads me out of the state of fear and into God?s loving arms.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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