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Goodby Guilt

Remember the story in the Bible about the people who wanted to stone the prostitute? Jesus said that the one who was free of sin should cast the first stone. He knew that the prostitute was safe because no one there would have a clear conscience. He knew this because the desire to blame and condemn others comes from our desire to project our own guilt outside of ourselves.

We feel guilty and we don?t like that feeling so we try to get rid of it. We find someone else to blame, to shame, to condemn. What an awful cycle we have going. We have chosen to see our mistakes as sin, and so ourselves as evil when we make these mistakes. We spend our lives hiding from these sins by making someone else guilty.

Guilt, doubt, self recrimination, these are the chains that hold us to our smallest self. Who has not made errors; drank too much, ate too much, spent too much money, spoken harshly, any one of hundreds of errors on a daily basis? What are we supposed to do with these errors? Are we to allow them to bury us, for certainly they will if we accept them as the truth of who we are?  Am I a glutton because I ate too much? Am I a bad person because I spoke harshly when I could have offered comfort instead? Or are these just actions I took?

I will not be defined by my actions. I am the perfect creation of a perfect God. I will not hide the truth of myself behind mistaken actions. I have a choice. I don?t have to look at anything I?ve ever done as a defining moment. I can see these moments as simple learning opportunities.

What am I learning? I am learning to see myself as a creation of an awesome God. I am removing from my life all the mistaken thoughts that block my awareness of my true nature. As I do this, my actions begin to mirror my newly remembered truth. I begin, more and more, to act like the person I was created to be. This is easy to say, but we have not had a lot of practice thinking this way and most of us don?t know how to do it. We need a guide; someone to show us the way. Luckily we have a willing and able guide through the Holy Spirit.

Before we can feel comfortable going to the Holy Spirit for help, we have to learn to trust God. We have to trust that He loves us and isn?t angry with us. We have spent our lives hiding out from God thinking that He has been angry with us since Adam and Eve, and that every bad thing we do just makes it worse. Our only help is God and if we are afraid of Him we have no help, do we? Am I likely to bring my darkest thoughts to God and ask Him to correct them, if I think He is going to condemn and punish me for them?

We have been misinformed when we were told that God is a harsh God. We have also been told that God is Love and that is the truth about Him. It is only our fear that makes us believe anything else. The reason for this fear is that in our minds we have made God look like us instead of the other way around. And we didn?t choose our highest self, the self that in an accurate reflection of our creation, but rather our smallest, meanest self as the mirror in which to see God.

It is time to give God credit for being the Creator. I am not the creator of God. I am not going to see God as harsh, angry and vengeful. These things are not loving and God is Love. I can forget who I am, but God does not forget Who He is.  And, He knows who I am because He created me. He is not deceived by my mistaken beliefs. God is not changed by my thoughts about Him, and neither am I changed by my thoughts about myself. What God creates, remains forever as He created it.

Julia Cameron wrote in Answered Prayers: Love Letters from the Divine, ?My will for you is not harsh or unpleasant. It is gentle and perfectly tailored to your unique needs. Do not fear my direction. I am your heart?s happiest guide.? This is an apt description of what we can expect from the Holy Spirit, the Voice for God within us. Rather than trying to rid ourselves of our guilt by projecting it onto others and onto the world, and even onto God Himself as we have done in the past, we can turn to God with this guilt and let Him reveal to us the truth about ourselves.

We can trust God to love us and to care for us, to bring us comfort and guidance, and never to condemn us. If I know that God loves me, and I know nothing else, I know enough. Instead of trying to hide my sin by seeing it in others, I can give my sin to the Holy Spirit, and let Him show me what to do with it.

He will show me that my error is not who I am; that I simply listened to the wrong voice, and so made a wrong choice. He will remind me that a mistake is not a sin, and that I am still part of God my Father. He will gently remind me that there is another Voice. I can listen to Him instead. It will take practice and patience, but is not a child of God worth patience?

What is most helpful to me is to remember that all errors are just thoughts.  If I am doing something wrong and feel guilty, I want to stop doing it. However, if I haven?t changed the thought that precipitated the action, I will just do it again. As I continue to repeat the action, thinking it is wrong, then the feeling of guilt becomes cemented, and I start to think of myself as bad. I hate the way that feels, so I look around for someplace to put the blame.

The place to make the change is at the level of thought. Changing behavior is a temporary fix at best. When I focus on behavior I am overlooking the cause and nothing is really going to change. No matter how big the error seems, how miserable I have made myself through believing in the error, it is just a thought, and a thought can be changed. Changing the thought and a change in behavior will follow.

So, how do we get into the blame game? This can be observed in any relationship. For example, John wants to buy a new gun and Ann says they can?t afford it right now. John knows this is true, but really wants that gun and convinces himself that it is a deal of a lifetime and buys it anyway. Then he feels guilty about going behind Ann?s back and about spending money he couldn?t afford.

John is pretty uncomfortable with this feeling so he starts thinking that Ann always buys what she wants. She?s always telling him how to spend the money. She?s always bossing him around. If she showed him some respect sometimes, he wouldn?t have to do things like this. He feels like he was pushed into an untenable situation by Ann?s unreasonable attitude. That Ann is so guilty, and John is now just her hapless victim.

If John wants to stop this vicious cycle he will have to change his mind about making Ann guilty. Sometimes it can be hard to withdraw the blame, especially if you have spent a lot of time building a case against the other person. Sometimes all you can think of is the seemingly obvious fact that they really did this to you.

What I have found true, is that I don?t want anyone to be guilty. I don?t want to be guilty, and I don?t want the other person to be guilty. If I believe in your guilt, then I have made it clear that guilt is a real thing and so I can be guilty, too. We are one, you and I, and if you are guilty then I am guilty. I want to move completely out of the guilt story.

Once John decides to withdraw the blame he had projected onto Ann, he wonders what to do with the guilt. Surely someone has to be guilty, right? And if it is not Ann, it must be him. At first, this part can be painful because there is a temptation is to internalize the guilt.  But that was the old way of thinking. This is the time to stop bouncing the guilt around and to completely undo it.

Now John is learning that finding and placing guilt is not helpful. If a mistake was made, it is only further error to move into guilt. Jesus has taught us that the way to undo guilt is through forgiveness and love. Even at the crucifixion, having been publicly beaten and nailed to a cross, Jesus continued his mission of showing us how to live. Did he take this moment to condemn and blame? No, he forgave. He was showing us that forgiveness is the proper response to whatever seems to be happening.

And he didn?t try to move the guilt to someone else. He didn?t say that if only the apostles had stayed awake in the garden with him, he?d never been captured so it must be their fault. He didn?t say that if Judas had not betrayed him he wouldn?t be up here. He did not try to accept the blame himself by saying if only he had not been so openly defiant of the authorities. Blame did not enter into this at all. His response was forgiveness which saw no blame in anyone.

Forgiveness is love and love is forgiveness. Jesus taught me that my only response to error of any kind is forgiveness and love. Our friend, John, could have blown the whole blame and guilt story out of the water if he had recognized his own innate goodness, and then seen his actions as errors rather than sin. This would have placed him in the position of choosing differently rather than using projection to protect himself from the intolerable burden of guilt.

If he was confused about this, it was only because he forgot what God is, and so forgot what he is. When he remembers that God is love, he will be able to see that thoughts of blame, anger, fear, and guilt cannot be coming from God, because they are not love. If they are not coming from God, they are not true, and call only for correction. Correction will never be blame and guilt, but will always be love and forgiveness. Life is just a series of thoughts brought into action. Change your thought, and your life changes. Bring your thoughts into alignment with your true nature, which is love, and your life will reflect the Will of God. Goodbye guilt, blame and condemnation.

 

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Special Relationships

Most of our relationships are based on the belief that we are not whole, that we are missing some vital piece of ourselves, and that we can get that missing part if we just hook up with the right person.  We seldom are aware, on a conscious level, just what it is that we are missing. So here we are with this fuzzy idea that something is missing and that someone else can complete us. I don?t know how we expect to find that missing piece when we don?t even know what it looks like.

The reason we feel incomplete is because we feel separate from God. I am a child of God, created by Him, created in His image and after His likeness. And yet, am I truly comfortable with that definition of myself, or do I try to keep a barrier between me and my Creator? Because if I do, if I think there should be some gap between us, a place where neither God is, nor am I, then I am going to feel incomplete, less than whole.

And so that is why I spend my life trying to achieve that sense of wholeness. I look for ways to identify myself as a whole person. I try to become special in whatever way I think will work. Most of us start out dreaming of success and wind up settling for much less, but always we seek for some elusive thing that says I am special in some way. Some people look for specialness on the other side of the street. I am especially bad, or especially lost, especially dysfunctional.

Our true identity as a child of God needs nothing to improve upon it. It is complete in itself, but how many of us believe in our true self, the perfect self that God created? If that person is listening to this sermon, you can just take a little nap, because I?m not talking to you. I?m talking to the rest of the folks who feel like they have a bottomless hole in their soul that just cannot ever be filled.

I?m talking to the people who eat when they are not hungry because they mistakenly think that food will fill up that hole. I?m talking to the people who think that alcohol or drugs will satisfy that emptiness. I am addressing this to the folks who think Dillards is the god of happiness, or at least it is his favorite home. Have you ever indulged in an ?if only? fantasy; you know, if only I won the lottery or if only I found that perfect soul mate? If you think that your next partner is going to be your savior, then I am talking to you.

I am talking to you because none of those things is going to complete you. Nothing outside of your mind can add to who you are. You are already whole and complete. What would the perfect creation of God need to make him self better? So if this is true, and logic tells us it is, then what happened? How did we get to the place that we find ourselves?

We all feel like something is missing. If we didn?t then we wouldn?t be spending all our money on stuff we sell at the next garage sale.  How many people do you know who have been divorced at least once? Let me make this easier, ?How many people do you know who have never been divorced?? I read an article that referred to first marriages as throw away marriages.

Where did this attitude come from? It comes from the idea that we are not complete, and that our completion comes from outside ourselves. We think that if only we found our perfect soul mate, then we would be complete. If the truth were to be known we are saying, ?I?m looking for you to help me feel more special to make up for the feelings of lack and unworthiness I experience in myself.?(from 905: Special Relationships Vs Holy Relationships) And so we set out on the hunt for the one who will help us feel whole and worthy, and when we are not in a relationship the attitude is that something is wrong. And that if we are in a relationship and we are not happy, it must be that we made a mistake in choosing our partner and that it is time to move on.

Sometimes it is time to move on. There are legitimate reasons for doing so. However, if you are looking for happiness in your partner or anyone or anything else, you are going to be disappointed. We get out of a relationship what we bring to it. Cinderella is a fairy tale. We do not get married because we want to live happily ever after. Well, often we do, but it doesn?t work that way.

Relationships are a wonderful classroom, a place where we can do real work toward revealing our true self. When we go into a relationship with this spiritually mature attitude, we can make great headway. Look at your relationships, romantic or otherwise, and ask yourself some questions about your expectations. Why do you want to be in this relationship? What do you want to get out of it? What do you expect the other person to do for you?

When I was married, I expected to get someone to talk to, to wake up next to. I expected to be special to that man, to be first in his loyalties, to be first in his love. I expected him to be true to me and to love me even when I got old. I had many expectations.  I am certain he had many expectations of his own, and I am certain he was as disappointed in his expectations as I was.

What if I felt absolutely complete in myself? Would I have needed him to make me feel special and loved? If I am complete and whole, I don?t need anything. So what if I went into a relationship knowing that I don?t experience myself as I really am, but that I want to, and that I want someone to join me on this path.  My relationship would still have many challenges, but now ?I? becomes ?we?; we are working together in full support of each other as we grow spiritually.

In a practical sense, what is the difference? Ok, let?s use the first relationship as an example. Jim and Susan are involved in a typical special relationship. They both want the other to be loyal. They want each to be first in the other?s life. Jim and Susan are supposed to be going out to eat. Jim says that he has changed his mind about going out because his friend wants him to help carpet his new living room. Susan becomes defensive. She has an agenda. She wants to be first in his loyalties and now feels betrayed. She feels that her agenda has been threatened, and since her agenda reflects her need to be made special, it feels like a personal attack. He is taking away her sense of specialness.

Feeling attacked, Susan quickly designs a defense strategy. She decides to go for the old tried and true guilt trip. ?How could you choose him over me? We never get to do anything together. I already bought a new dress and did my hair.? In other words, ?Feel so guilty that you give me my way.? Susan is speaking not from her true self, but from her ego which is in constant battle, with guilt being the glue that holds its relationships together. (From 905: Special Relationships vs. Holy Relationships)

Now Jim feels guilty, and in need of defense. So he thinks up a defense strategy. He decides to take the offensive and convince Susan that she is a selfish, self-centered, umm, ?witch.? The battle escalates. And that is what they have now; not a loving relationship, but a pitched battle, one of many in a war that they call a marriage.

This does not have to be the way it is. The relationship became a battleground because of the purpose they gave it. They set up this inevitable result when they decided that the purpose of the relationship was to get something from the other.

Course 905: Special Relationships VS Holy Relationships expresses this succinctly: In truth, love in this world of bodies really means, ?I want to be special, but I also feel alone, lacking and unworthy, which I can?t stand. Will you be my special partner and promise to keep your body around and help me feel special? This will help submerge my pangs of loneliness, lack and unworthiness. I will get the specialness, acknowledgment and attention I want so desperately. In return I will shower you with specialness. I will agree to give special attention to you and shower you with my exclusive ?love.? Through our alliance in being special partners, we will avoid the side-effects of loneliness and guilt that our desire for specialness brings. We will be happy our way, in our little world of specialness. We will be each others idols and replace the Love of God.?

This doesn?t have to be. We can choose differently. We can recognize our oneness in God and by setting a clear intention to express that truth of our selves; we open our mind to the Holy Spirit for the healing of those specialness thoughts. We don?t have to do it alone, and in fact cannot do it alone, but to receive His help, we need only to look honestly at what we are doing and ask for correction.

Suppose they had chosen another purpose. A Course in Miracles says, ?The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to make it happen.? Can you see how different that will make things? Suppose their purpose in having a relationship was to support each other in their spiritual growth, and to learn to have a relationship built on unconditional love rather than special love. In this case, when Jim decided to back out on the event, Susan might still be angry because she wanted to go out. However, because of their shared purpose, it would not have to escalate into war.

Susan could express her disappointment in the change of plans without needing him to capitulate. The need to be right that was experienced in the first relationship stemmed from a need to be special. It stemmed from a need to have specialness make her feel whole. In the second relationship, she still experienced the need to be special, but she will probably recognize that error because it is her intention to see things differently.

Jim is her partner in this process and wants to help her get there. He knows that giving in to her perceived needs may not be the most loving thing to do in this situation, because that would be reinforcing the idea of special guilt relationships. So he may still go to help his friend, but because he understands the dynamic he doesn?t feel personally attacked, and so is able to be loving in the situation. Even when they slip into the attack/defend mode, they both know that this is not the answer, that specialness is not the goal, and so at some point one of them will get off the merry go round.

The point is that whoever is saner at the time can stop the cycle of attack and defend. It doesn?t matter who does it because no one is trying to win on a personal level. They recognize that unless both of them win, neither wins. They are in this together. No one is trying to get something from the other.

Just recognizing that we are trying to complete ourselves through our relationships and that this never works is enough to open our mind to another possibility. There is a way to be in relationships that honors our self and our partner by honoring God as our Creator. We can achieve this by looking honestly at our relationships and asking the Holy Spirit to correct our errors. 

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Transforming Your Life

Here is a good question for you. Are you happy with your life? If you were to die tomorrow would you feel satisfied with what you have accomplished, with the way you have lived your life? It?s kind of funny, but one of the things that got me moving in my life was reading the obituaries, which, by the way, was a practice my kids thought was pretty morbid. As I tried to explain to them, at a certain time in your life this is as good a way as any to keep up with old classmates and acquaintances.

But anyway, one day while I was reading the obituaries, I wondered what my obituary would say, and realized it would be really short. I?m not saying I had not done anything with my life, but it did make me start thinking about how I would feel if I died today. What could be said of my life? I set an intention at that moment to do something about my obituary. I decided to live my life in such a way that I would leave a legacy when I went.

This was not a well formed intention, but it was an open door and I went through it. We are Sons of a Creative Force and therefore we are creative, as well. Our intentions are powerful, and if followed through, will transform our lives. Rev. Jack Boland said, ?March forth-and transform your life. Be the person God intends you to be.?

I can?t say that at the moment of the original intention I began marching forward. That was more of an intention to set an intention, but even that was enough to set my life in a new direction. The Universe wants us to succeed, and will conspire to assure our success with only the least invitation.

However, the Universe does not do it for us; It does it with us. Setting an intention is the important first step, but it is just one step. Once we decide to be the person God intends us to be, He provides us with all the support we will ever need. Previously closed doors open, but we must walk through them.

An important thing I learned was that transformation does not take place outside me; it is the work of the mind. Oh, I can learn to use the power of intention to manipulate my world; my job, my finances, my health, my home, all of that. But this doesn?t really change anything. It is like a child spending endless hours rearranging building blocks. It may be entertaining for awhile, and distracting, and even briefly satisfying. But at the end of the day, you just have building blocks. And after all the hard work, someone can just come along and knock them over.

The kind of change I am talking about is real. Change your mind and your world changes. Bring your thoughts in alignment with God?s plan for you, and the world sinks into insignificance. What is it that God wants for you? He wants you to experience yourself as He created you. He wants you to be like Him. He wants you to wake up from this bad dream you are having and realize that you are still as He created you and that you are still part of Him, and He is part of you.

I am not suggesting that there is anything about your true nature that needs to be changed. You are perfect the way you are. There is nothing about you that is wrong or needs to be fixed. We do not have to improve upon God?s creation. The change I am talking about is one of experience. If you are not experiencing yourself as God created you, then there is a way to change that experience. There is a way to awaken from the dream of lack and limitation, and to experience the abundance of God.

There are steps you can take to bring you to this awakened state. The first step is intention. I set an intention to wake up and know God. I didn?t know how to do this, but I did know I wanted to. It has been a stop and go process because this was not my only intention. When my focus is on God, my life begins to take that form. I am peaceful. I experience love, both in the giving and receiving. I am joyous.

When my mind wanders to other goals, things change. I spend my time and energy trying to make life conform to these new goals. I struggle and fight and work hard for little gain. Even when I do attain what I think will make me happy, I am inevitably disappointed.  It all seems so hard because I am fighting my own nature. When I acknowledge my Creator and thus my own true nature, I move back into the ease of being a child of God. Nothing else fits me like that role because nothing else is worthy of me as a Son of God.

Once I set my intention to live the life God has planned for me, I needed to develop some mind training. The problem is that my mind wanders. I intend to keep my mind on my goal, to make this my only goal, because a split mind in ineffective, but I get easily distracted. I chose A Course in Miracles as my vehicle for mind training. There are others to choose from, but this one suits me and offers a faster, surer way than most.

So the way this works for me, is that I designed a practice around the Course. The Course has three parts and one of them is a workbook with a lesson for each day of the year. I get up in the morning and make a cup of coffee. With my coffee in hand, I begin to read my lesson.  I plan carefully so that I have time to do this. If I have to be someplace early, I plan the night before to wake early enough to do this. I make time for God in my life. In fact, I make sure that God comes first in my life.

It is so easy to find excuses for putting this time off. Life intrudes with seemingly urgent problems. I choose not to respond to these. I put my trust in God. I know that if I give my attention to God first, everything else will fall in line. This is my trust and it does not fail me. I make my commitment and I show up for my commitment.

Rituals can be an important part of a spiritual practice.  Once practiced, they send a signal to yourself that it is time to set aside all distractions and begin your sacred work. Some people like an elaborate ritual with candle lighting and gentle music. Some incorporate yoga and lengthy meditations.  It is helpful to plan a quiet time that will not be interrupted and to use the same process everyday, a repeatable pattern of behavior that becomes an automatic call to your attention. Because I am often in different places when I wake up, I have created a very simple ritual, but I adhere to it daily.

My spiritual practice does not end with my daily lesson and meditation. My life is my spiritual practice. I practice being aware, that is paying attention to my life. It is through the stories of my life that I can see where my thoughts need correction. I don?t focus on changing the behavior because then I am back to playing with the blocks again. But particular behaviors signal a need to examine my thoughts.

So much of our life is spent in a fog of inattention. We say and do things without even noticing what is going on. Our life just seems to happen to us without our input because we aren?t paying attention, and are not examining our thoughts to see what caused our life to take that turn. Our life is not someone else?s fault, nor did it ?just happen.? Our life is the cumulative effect of our thoughts.

From the spiritual intention of the morning?s ritual, I open my mind to God?s Voice within me. Throughout the day I deliberately ask for guidance. It is not that God needs to be reminded, but that I need to remind myself to step back and let Him lead the way. Through my attentive focus, I notice when my thoughts are not leading me to peace, and I ask for correction. When I am uncertain what to do with circumstances in my life, I ask God how He wants me to use this. It is in this way that my life becomes my spiritual path.

Love is at the heart of every spiritual practice because God is Love. And because God is Love, so are we who were created in His image. To live my life according to God?s plan I must live a life of love. This is not romantic love, though God?s love can be expressed in this situation, too. It is not a special love for a special person. God?s love is impersonal. It is the same for everyone. Nothing is outside God?s love because nothing is outside God. This is my model. I do my best to express universal love; loving without conditions or limits.

Universal love is expressed as patience because I know that God?s Will must be done and so I can afford to wait. It is expressed as compassion because I know that none of us experiences our true Self all the time. It is expressed as devotion because we are all one in God, and my brother deserves my devotion. It is expressed as service because service to my bother is service to the Creator of my brother.

So, am I happy with my life? Yes I am. I am not living a perfect life, but I do the best I can every day. I start and end my day with prayer and I look to God for guidance in all things. I am, more often than not, at peace. I am happy. I don?t know that my obituary will read any different, but I know that at the end of my life I will leave a legacy. I will have made a difference in the world. You won?t read about my contribution in any history books, but the people in my life know they are loved and appreciated. My legacy will be to have lived the life God planned for me to the best of my ability.

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Pandora’s Box

Diversity is a great thing in theory, but in the practice of it, there are many challenges. Working and living side by side with people who are not like you in race, culture, sexual orientation, spiritual beliefs, politics, education or economic station can bring up a lot of garbage for us. It can bring up prejudices and discomfort that we didn?t even know we had.

Not that this is a bad thing. How are we going to experience a healing of these separation devices if we don?t look at them, and how are we going to look at them if we don?t know they are there? And please know that this healing is our purpose in life. Recognizing the unconditional nature of love is our function. Unity, the recognition that we are one in God, rather than many in the world, is why we are here, and we cannot know this if we think we are different. Galatians 3:28 says, ?There is no longer Jew nor Greek, there is no longer slave nor free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ.?

Every time we look at another person and think, ?This person is not like me,? we separate ourselves from our brother, and in our mind, this separates us from God. God knows us as He created us, not as we imagine ourselves to be. To know God, we must release our own creation and accept ourselves as He created us. If we do not know God?s creation, we cannot know God.

Separation is what was really in Pandora?s Box. In separation we move from one perfect and holy creation of God, to many different forms that exist in bloody competition with each other, fighting endlessly for their share of a limited supply. We don?t have to worry about going to hell, we put ourselves there already with our belief in separation.

Diversity sounds like a good idea at first. It is the idea of many different kinds living side by side peacefully. In the world, it is a lofty idea. In truth it is just another effort to keep our own version of creation in place of God?s. Being separate and constantly at war with each other over one thing or another is pretty wearing, so we?ll keep our individuality and just put up with each other. So, what are the chances of that working? How often has it worked in the past?

What really happens is that when I see someone as different from me I judge whether this is good or bad. Jesus warned us about judging. It doesn?t lead to wholeness. When I look at the person in front of me and I think they are in error, I know that I am the one in error.

I am reminded of something very wise that I read. It said, ?Do not worry about the condition of your brother?s mind. He has been given that part of the mind to heal, not you. And God?s Voice is with him intimately in that process.? So I step back from my judgment of my brother and know that he does not need my correction; he has God?s help.

How do I get back to remembering who I really am; to know myself as God created me? First I recognize that the self I am experiencing now is not the perfect creation of God. Then, I decide that I must have been mistaken and ask for correction.  At first it takes some practice to even recognize these mis-thoughts. After all, even in my mind I don?t turn to the one next to me and say ?You are different from me, and so I suspect you of being my enemy.? However, I may turn to the one next to me and think, ?That person is taking the chair I always sit in,? which is the first step toward guilt, hatred, war. Pandora?s Box has been opened.

Instead of being part of my One Self, this person with whom I came to join, is now my enemy, the person who took my favorite chair. I have made him guilty. I have made him my competitor, my enemy. Now we are at war; who can get to the favorite chair first becomes my objective rather than how can I love my brother and experience my unity with him. I talk about unconditional love, but my ?love? has a condition now; stay out of my chair!

Does this sound like a silly example? I read an article recently about a woman who killed her husband. They were going to watch television together and he took her chair, and wouldn?t give it back. She got their gun and shot him. Conditional love isn?t love. It is a bargain at best, and at its extreme it is war.

Perhaps you think that unvoiced thoughts don?t count. But they do count. We kid ourselves when we think we have private thoughts. Our thoughts are shared in a million little ways. If I think you are my enemy because you took my chair, you may not know what my problem is, but you will feel my withdrawal. You may not even be able to put your finger on what is wrong, but you will know, perhaps unconsciously, that something is not right.

We cannot think one way and act another. What we think is who we are, and while we have learned to put on a false face for civilities sake, the truth of our thoughts will show themselves in many ways. We move a few inches further away, our greeting lacks enthusiasm, our hug is half-hearted.

If we harbor our resentment long enough, our anger becomes more overt until it eventually becomes verbalized. It may come out as gossip rather than direct confrontation, and often we choose something unrelated to the original slight to actually verbalize, but it will show itself in some way. The slighted person feels the need to self defend, and the war escalates.

Even if we never saw the person again, if we harbor the resentment, that relationship is affected and we are affected. In truth we are one mind. How can my brother not be affected by what is in my thoughts. Hugh Prather, in an article on relationships, suggested sending silent messages of blessing to your partner. He said,“This practice is far more powerful than any spoken words could ever be… .” The same is true for unspoken words of separation. They are just as real as the spoken word, and have effects on the relationship.

The whole sordid mess could be avoided if I recognize the signs and act on them immediately. Someone takes my favorite chair and I feel a twinge of resentment. I see it for what it is, and ask the Holy Spirit to give me another way to think of this. The war is over before it begins. I remain in peace and am happy. I am also much closer to God now. So are you, because we are one creation and so what lifts me up lifts you as well.

The diversity of any group is not laudable because many different people come together to remain different, separated into our own little worlds by our perceived differences. It becomes a holy encounter as we gather for the purpose of shedding our differences and recognizing our oneness in God.

We do not reach the peace and joy that God means for us by ridding ourselves of people who don?t fit within the walls of our self made world, but rather by using these encounters for healing, and thus allowing those walls to come down. Our walls do not protect us; they imprison us in our separation. As we reinforce our separation from each other, we reinforce our feeling of separation from our Creator.

We have all built up thick walls of separation which we believe are protecting us from each other. It requires great faith and much work to learn a different way. But in our beliefs, we have set that as our intention. If we keep our eye on our goal it cannot fail, because it is in alignment with the Will of God.

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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What’s Your Plan?

I forget who said this, but I know it is true. The real test of intelligence is the ability to make ones self happy. No matter how smart, or rich, or beautiful you are, if you are not happy, then what have you got? Neither any of those things by themselves, or all of them together will bring happiness. It is a misconception that they will. Sure I would rather have money than not. But I don?t kid myself that money would bring happiness. Having money brings things into my life, not happiness.

So what is your plan for happiness? You have one rather you realize it or not. Your plan may be your parents plan, or some other plan you formulated without conscious thought as you grew up. The question is, is your plan working? Are you happy?

I had a plan most of my life that didn?t work. Now that I look back on it, I question my common sense in not noticing how ineffective it was. Ok, here was my plan in a nutshell. If I was unhappy, I looked around to see who or what was making me unhappy and blamed them for it. That?s it. Oh yeah, sometimes I would try to get them to change. I would write a book on how often that worked, but one page books don?t sell for much.

So how could I have been hooked into a plan that is so obviously flawed and why would I stay with it for such a long time? I think that it is because I never really looked at it. I just got used to being unhappy. I lost sight of the fact that I had a choice. Also, I didn?t know there was any other way to see it. Before I could even consider changing, I had to start really looking at what I was doing.

I started noticing my grievances. Who was I angry at and why? Who did I hold a grudge against? What did I expect from these people and what were my chances of getting it?  I was married three times. Each partner seemed very different from the others. Each marriage seemed very different from the others. But if I really looked at it, they were all the same.

I started out looking for something I didn?t have. I found someone who I thought could supply that need. Though I didn?t think of it, they were doing the same thing. Consciously, or unconsciously we made a bargain. You supply my needs and I?ll supply yours. We called this bargain a marriage.

Everything would be fine until one stopped meeting the needs of the other, or until one of us discovered that we had additional needs that were not being met. Then anger would be the inevitable result. I married this man so that I could be happy, and since I am not happy it must be his fault.

No problem, if he is the reason I am unhappy I?ll just trade him for someone who would make me happy. The problem with this plan is that I am looking for my happiness in the wrong place and so I will never find it. I look for my happiness in someone else, and choose a different person with new circumstances, and because it looks different, I think that it is different. But no, it is the same thing all over again, with the same results.

As long as I look outside myself for my happiness, I am never going to find it. What I will find, is somewhere to put my blame. These are my grievances, and they are like dark clouds hiding the light of the world from me. After a lifetime of collecting grievances, my world becomes dark indeed. It becomes a life filled with depression, anger, fear and guilt.

There is a way out of that darkness. God has a plan. Being God, he knew we would need one, and so He placed within us His Guide. This Guide, this Voice for God, the Holy Spirit, is there to help us get back to the light. He is there to help us choose a new plan for happiness.

We spend our lives collecting grievances. Something goes wrong and we look around for someone to blame.  These grievances collect like a thunder cloud and imprison us in our misery. The Holy Spirit?s plan is to help us release those grievances, and to reclaim our power in God. And indeed, our power in God is great! We can live in the light of God. We can live in joy and freedom, and this is God?s plan for us.  Like any good parent, God wants only happiness for us, his children.

God doesn?t need our help in designing a happy plan for our lives. We can trust that job to Him. What He does need is our complicity in accepting it. In order to see this glorious plan of His, we need to remove the dark clouds we have placed before it. We need to remove the grievances from our lives.

Some of our grievances are obvious. If you were to lose your job you might blame your boss, or the person who took your place. You are unhappy and you think it is their fault. As long as you keep the cause of your unhappiness outside of you, the correction will remain out of your grasp. You have just given your power to someone else. Even if you get a better job, if you are still holding that grudge, you still have that dark cloud obscuring your vision. You are still living in darkness. As long as you believe that someone else has power over you, you will live in fear that they will steal your joy again.

Know that this is not true. Withdraw your projections from the world. You don?t need to place blame. Look within for your happiness. Go to the Christ within and ask God for His plan for your happiness. Getting a new job is a good thing to do, but it isn?t what brings you joy. Forgiveness is the way to bring light into your life again. Release your brother from all blame in your life, and happiness is the inevitable result. This is God?s plan.

Part of God?s plan for happiness for us is abundance. Abundance is not the same as greed. Greed is the collecting of things in an effort to push the darkness back. It never works. You just wind up with more stuff to dust. You wind up spending your time earning money to buy more things that fail to satisfy. True abundance is knowing that what you need will be supplied when you need it. It is never fearing lack because you know that God is your source.

Until you accept your true abundance in God, you will spend your life greedily gobbling up whatever you think will finally fulfill you; special relationships, drugs, electronics, food, the list is endless and a waste of time. It is more than a waste of time, it is an assault on God?s plan for your salvation. It puts you in conflict with your brother.

There is just so much money, stuff, and special love, and if your brother takes it that leaves less for you. That is the law of greed. While we are living under the law of greed, the dark clouds of grievances pile up as we blame our brothers for taking what is ours and condemning us to lack.

Abundance on the other hand is of God. It is perfect as He is; it is unending as He is. There is no need to feel in competition to ?get yours while the getting is good.? In fact the more you get the more there is. The more you give what you got, the more you have. Abundance is a thought, a belief. And a thought cannot be used up. It only grows and is strengthened as it is shared.

Our grievances block the thought of abundance from our consciousness.  As we forgive, the light of abundance becomes stronger and stronger in our minds.  At first faith in God?s abundance feels like walking on water, but as we forgive more and more and the light of God glows brighter in our mind, it feels like walking on rock. We are perfectly supported and perfectly protected in God.

When I checked into a hotel last week, I was disappointed to not get the room I wanted. The clerk was busy and didn?t want to talk about it. I felt my anger rise. I resented being put in that room which I judged to be lesser than the one I wanted. The angrier I became, the more I found to be angry about. After all, anger is based on thought and what I think about grows. I didn?t have a desk to work at in this room. The computer hook up was in an inconvenient place. Never mind, I couldn?t get on line because their set up didn?t allow for pop up blockers and I couldn?t turn off my blocker without going on line. Catch 22.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I was angry at the hotel who messed up my reservation, the clerk who wouldn?t take the time to do anything about it, the person who got my room, whoever he was, and the computer system. The more I thought about it, the more things that seemed to be wrong with my life.  It was like there was a low lying dark cloud hanging over me.

But wait, I recognize that cloud! The problem is, when you allow your grievances to get so far out of hand, the cloud looks darker and feels thicker. It seems so much harder to get through to the light. I kept taking the whole thing to the Holy Spirit to heal. But then I?d change my mind. By golly, this was their fault. Why do I have to change my mind? I?m the one who was wronged.

I hate that feeling of being under a cloud. I wanted my peace back. But each time I started thinking about it, I got side tracked by angry thoughts. I finally got a pencil and paper because writing helps me focus on God?s answer. I started out by telling the Holy Spirit how amazingly hard it is to release a grievance when I let it get this far even though it doesn?t seem like an important issue. I know that this is just a hotel room, and that I am only going to be here a few hours. Why am I so upset? Sometimes these things hit me with the force of a tsunami, seeming to blow away my peace with no warning. It makes me feel like I am out of control. If I can be bowled over by such a small thing, what happens when it is something big?

Here is the answer I got: ?Myron, they are all the same. A grievance is an attack on God because it is an attack on His creations. It doesn?t matter what it is about. You think they are different grievances and divide them up into many categories in an effort to hide their true nature. But there is a part of you that knows what they are. You are not angry at the hotel clerk. You are angry at a god of your own invention; a god that seems to be bringing bad things into your life. That is how all grievances are the same. They change in form only; the content remains the same. You have invented a god of vengeance and you believe in him. That is why you are so angry. The hotel clerk was just a convenient place to project that anger and felt safer than putting it on your god of vengeance.?

?Myron your false idea of God does not hurt Him. He knows Himself and knows you. It does hurt you, though, by keeping you in hell. It robs you of your peace and makes you think that God does not love you and that you are separate from Him. That is hell. You don?t have to stay there. The light is just on the other side of this grievance. Release yourself by releasing God?s children from your grievances. When you know they are perfectly innocent, you will know that you are perfectly innocent as well.?

I thanked Holy Spirit for His words and His support, and I was finally able to release my grievances and step into my joy. God is so good!

So if you are still looking outside yourself for happiness; if you still think happiness can be found in another person, at circuit city, or at the bottom of a bottle; if you still think that you can get rid of your unhappiness by placing the blame on someone else, do I ever have a plan for you! I invite you to try God?s plan of forgiveness instead. I?ve tried it, and I?ve got to tell you, all of heaven is contained within it. Release your grievances and step into the light.

 

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Resolutions

So it is that time of the year again; a time of new beginnings. While everyday is a new day and a new start, New Years day is symbolic of wiping the slate clean and beginning anew.  And so the mind goes to past transgressions, grievances held and changes of all sorts that I long to make part of my life. On the blank paper that is the beginning of a new year and another chance to do my life better, I want to write my life story differently.

This year I want to choose God first in all moments of my life. I want to be a better minister, a better friend, a better mother. I want to put more money in my savings account, and be more organized and lose weight. I?m not even going to waste paper adding exercise more and eat right, having some sense of reality!

Naturally the mind goes to past resolutions, which looked a lot like these, and I can see some progress, but also a lot of times when I did not live up to them.  I do want to look at these places in my life where I fell short of my goals, but only so that I can let them go. The Cherokee have a wise saying; ?Don?t let yesterday use up too much of today.?  It is very easy to be pulled into the quicksand of regret and once there, it is hard indeed to extricate yourself. And what forward movement can I make if I am stuck in my own past, unable to get loose?

And so I ask the Holy Spirit to join me as I take a quick, but honest look at last year. He helps me to see where I veered from my path, and how I might do better this year. He reminds me that He is not delayed in His teaching by my mistakes. He can be held back only by my unwillingness to let them go.

What comes to me clearly is that in making my resolutions, I need to make them with God. First I make all my decisions with God, and then I trust in His strength to keep me on course. And so I ask Him, ?What do You want me to do? Where do You want me to go? What would you have me say??  I don?t get an immediate answer, but I know that I have set the intention to put God in charge of my life, and I know that as long as I keep that intention foremost in my mind, the answer will be there when I need it.

When I come to a fork in the road and stand uncertainly wondering which way to turn, I remember my intention to make all decisions with God, and I ask for guidance. It may come as a mental nudge that when acted upon feels right and brings with it a sense of peace. God never fails to answer though I may fail to listen. Sometimes I come to Him with preconceived ideas of what His answer should be. If I want it my way, He will wait lovingly and patiently for me to choose again, knowing that I will ultimately choose for Him. He knows this because He knows His creations.

I am happiest when I recognize that my will is God?s Will. Then I can avoid some of those wrong turns that hold me in the illusion. I know I have chosen wrongly when I feel depressed, sad, guilty, anxious and fearful. I know I have chosen for God when I feel peaceful, joyful and loving. It is impossible not to know which direction I have taken. I have, however, spent some time in my misery because I was unwilling to admit my error.

Sometimes I need a clear and immediate answer to a problem. At those times I get quiet and ask for guidance. I give the problem to God, minus the solution I had in mind, and wait for His solution. Sometimes not telling God what His answer should look like is the hardest part, but I have had enough experience with my own answers to know that I don?t have enough information to know what is best. How could I? I can?t possibly know how anything will affect everyone involved now and in the future. And when God answers, He answers for everyone. My solution will never be one that will cause harm to anyone else.

Once I have decided that I want God?s answer, I wait quietly for it to come. Sometimes I write what comes to me, trusting that it will be what God wants me to hear. It took me a little practice to do this, and more practice to trust what I got, but it is a very helpful process and it is comforting to know that God speaks to me through His Voice, the Holy Spirit. He must love me so!  Sometimes the answer comes as a thought or an inspiration. I suddenly just have an idea that puts everything right, or suggests a course of action. It may come as I sit there in meditation, or it may come as I go about my day, but it always comes. God is consistent. His love and His care for me never waver.

So I have, with God?s direction set my goals. What must I do to see these goals through. How can I make this year?s resolutions meaningful over the entire year? At this time next year, I don?t want to review 2006, and find that I forgot my resolutions shortly after making them. The secret to accomplishing any goal is singleness of purpose.

If I have only one goal concerning something, then accomplishing it becomes easy. One of the goals I set myself for this year is the relinquishment of guilt in all its forms. What a terrific goal that is! I am excited at the thought of working on this. On the other hand, I wonder how I can possibly do this.

First let me look at how I offer guilt to others. If one of my children wants to do something that I see as a bad idea, I might intimate that this would hurt me. Oooh, the ego is a sly devil isn?t he? See how he slipped guilt into that situation? My goal changed. It started as the relinquishment of guilt, but now my goal is to control my child through the application of guilt.

I argue with God about this saying that it is because I love them and want to protect them. Surely in this case, my goal should be different. The Holy Spirit gently reminds me that my goal is the relinquishment of guilt. He asks me to put my trust in the strength of God, not in my own solutions. Can I trust God with my children? Well, maybe. Ok, yes I can. God always answers for the good of each person involved. My solution wouldn?t have worked anyway since long practice has made my kids immune to my manipulations.

When I choose guilt for myself, I am reminded of my resolution. Why would I choose guilt, anyway? What could be my goal in choosing guilt? All of my life I have been taught that guilt is the proper response to error. It is what keeps me from doing wrong. But do I need guilt to keep me in line? I know the difference between right and wrong. Anyway when ever did guilt keep me from doing what I wanted to do?

What is my real goal when I choose guilt? Is guilt what I do instead of correction? Have I decided that I would prefer to experience guilt rather than give up a particular behavior? I have seen people drink themselves into a stupor and then feel so guilty that they did it again! Well, that certainly worked. The goal became to have an excuse to get drunk.

I?ve done the same kind of thing with food. I promise myself that I am going to stay away from sweets, then somehow find myself in a bakery. I feel really guilty for my transgression, and figure what?s the point, I?ll just do it again. I may as well eat everything in sight. So my goal became to use guilt to allow me to continue my behavior. My guilt becomes the glue that holds me in the past, ensuring the future will never be any different.

I choose to make peace my goal in every situation. There are many other goals which want to pop up as I choose the goal of peace. If I want peace to be my goal, then I must have that as the only goal in a particular situation. I cannot also have as my goal to be right. It is easy to add the goal of being respected, listened to, cared about.

When I add those goals, it makes it impossible not to feel justified in anger, and there goes my peace. I have to decide what I really want; do I want peace, or do I want to be right? Do I want peace, or do I want to be treated differently? What is my goal?

Having decided on my goals, how do I accomplish them? Certainly it is not always easy to stay true to my decision. On my own, I would not be able to, but I am not on my own. I can depend on the strength of God. There is a prayer from A Course in Miracles that I often use when tempted to give up on a resolution is, ?God is the strength in which I trust.? I am wise not to trust in my own strength, but I can trust in God?s strength to support me.

Choosing resolutions for the New Year is a way of setting my intention. I make my choices with God, and I trust in Him to strengthen me as I practice them. There is a New Years prayer that a friend sent me through email that I would like to share with you.

Dear God,
In preparation for an incredible New Year,
we release the failures and successes of the past.
Everything that has gone before is now complete.
We empty ourselves of all our yesterdays.
In this moment, we are present with You.
Thank You very much.
Amen

 

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Being Truly Helpful

I was thinking about my challenge around Sheryl and Archie. I want to tell her that she should not go back to Archie because she is happy now and she wasn?t happy while she was with him. I want to tell her that he is irresponsible and that going back to him will be hurtful to Julian. I want to tell her that wanting to return to him is probably just a part of her addictive disorder, and that she should look at this as if she were hearing the story from one of her clients, and advise herself as she would them. Lots of stuff that I want to tell her, and as I think of this, it becomes very clear that I am talking to myself.

I am expressing my fears for myself. I am reliving my relationship errors and projecting them onto Sheryl. In other words, I think I am looking at Sheryl?s life, but really I am looking into the mirror of my past, and the fear that my future will be like my past. I am angry with Sheryl for showing me this. I resent her for this. And all the time, this has nothing to do with Sheryl. It is all about me.

I think that this is always true about everyone in my life. They reflect for me what I need to see, and I do the same for them. No matter how fearful or painful the reflection, I owe them my eternal gratitude for their part in my spiritual growth. My spiritual growth is all that matters. So no matter what is happening to me in the illusion, the only part of it that has value is how I use it to awaken. The same is true for them.

Once I understand that I am projecting my life onto them, I can more easily withdraw those projections. Now I can see my daughter as she is; holy and beautiful and perfect; the Christ. All this stuff that she is doing, all this practice, all this trauma drama that seems to be her life is nothing. It is just the illusion she is temporarily lost in; the play acting that she became so deeply involved in that she forgot it was just play.

There is no chance that she will not find her way out, and I would not slow her down in that journey by trying to remove the very circumstances that she is using to get out. I will not hold her more deeply in it by believing that these circumstances are the truth. I will not become part of her ego dream by joining her in it.

By believing only the truth about her, I am teaching myself the truth about myself. As I see the Christ in her, I recognize that Christ in myself. This is another way of releasing the past so that it doesn?t become my future. It is the perfectly designed method of salvation through joining. I join my Christ Self with her Christ Self and we are both saved. When I look at the illusion and see something different, I recognize it as the ego deception it is. If I have trouble doing that I ask Holy Spirit for help in reinterpreting what I think I see.

There is nothing for me to do in her situation. There is nothing for me to say to her. My job is to recognize my projections and withdraw them so that I can see the truth of her, and then to hold that truth until she sees it herself. Everything is done on the level of the mind where all real work is always done. When I find myself playing around in the illusion, trying to manipulate what doesn?t exist, I know that I am wasting time. I go right back to the cause-my thoughts, not hers, but mine. This is the only way out for either of us.

I want to be truly helpful to my daughter, but the fear that she can?t help herself and so needs my help is counter productive. God believes in her. He created her so He knows the truth of her. He never loses sight of her perfection and His knowledge of her is perfectly unaffected by her actions. This is my job as a parent/friend/partner in any relationship. What they need from me is my certainty that they are as they were created by God, like Him, perfect in every way, perfectly unaffected by anything they say or do in the illusion. My faith in my daughter is my gift to her and also to myself. If I teach her that she is lacking in any way, that is what I am teaching myself

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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