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WHO IS THAT BEHIND THE MASK?

WHO IS THAT BEHIND THE MASK?

I have spent nearly all of my life in a kind of spiritual amnesia. I had forgotten who I was. From the moment I was born into this illusion that I think of as my life, I began to look for a separate identity for myself. I was born with one question on my mind: Who am I?

In my search for my identity, I played many roles, and wore many masks. On his website, Dan Joseph tells a story about the roles we play and the masks we wear.

The Costume Ball
Imagine that you are invited to a masquerade ball. You spend weeks choosing a costume for the event. Should you dress up as royalty? As a villain? As someone famous? As an angel?
You eventually settle on a costume, and go to the ball. There you find hundreds of other people, dressed in the widest variety of outfits. The party is all in good fun, and you play through the night in your chosen role.
Then, around midnight, a strange thing happens. Everyone in the costume ball suddenly falls asleep. When they awake, their memories have vanished. Where am I? everyone asks. And silently, they wonder: Who am I?

People look around the room, and begin to sort out the situation. Over there is someone dressed in gold finery, with a crown. She must be the queen of this place. And look at him over there ? he has knives and swords. He must be dangerous. And look at that one: she looks like some sort of animal. Maybe she?s crazy.

There?s a great scramble. People flock to the “good” people, away from the “bad” ones. Some of the good people bravely begin to round up the bad ones, using the weapons at their disposal. For a while there?s a chaotic melee. Eventually, after a struggle, things settle down. The bad people are subdued, and they sit ? tied together ? in the middle of the room.
Then, abruptly, part of a man?s costume falls away, and a woman cries out. “Wait,” she says, “I remember now. That pirate ? he?s my husband. He isn?t really a pirate.” The memories begin to return. “She isn?t a queen ? she?s just dressed that way. And he?s no priest, I?ll tell you that.”

As the costumes come off, people begin to remember their true relationships. “I?m sorry, I didn?t recognize you,” they say as they untie their friends and family. “Please forgive me ? I forgot who you were.” “I don?t know what came over me.”

The party-goers shake their heads at the strange turn of events. They tear off their costumes as they walk out of the party, concerned that they might forget again.
“How easily we are fooled,” remarks a man as he tosses away a mask. “A little cardboard, a little paint, and our loved ones are gone.”

This illustrates perfectly what happens to me as I go through life. I try on different masks. That I tried these masks on and even wore them for awhile did not make them real, nor change who I am. But I am easily fooled into thinking I have become the role I am playing. The role becomes so real, I am so accustomed to the mask, that I forget I have a true identity.

As a very young child I tried to separate myself from my mother, demanding my independence even though I wasn?t ready for it. It was very frustrating for my mom as it was for me when my children entered that stage of their development. At each stage I thought I was developing into an independent, separate person.

As I grew older, the need to complete this separation process became more acute. I needed to know who I was. I tried on a lot of masks as I moved through the process. As a teenager, I traded one mask for another as quickly as I discovered them. I tried being more mature, more glamorous, more hip. I tried being sophisticated. Periodically, I tried going back to being a child.

Even as I moved into adulthood, I kept trying on masks, trying to find one that ?fit?; that felt like me. I wore a student mask off and on for awhile. I saw myself as a college student with all that implied for me. I saw myself as an intellectual, but also as a party person; a combination that was not easy to balance.

I tried on the mask of a more mature wife and mother and when I looked into the mirror, I didn?t recognize that person and was really scared of the responsibility represented by that mask. I took that one off for awhile and threw on a mask easier to wear. I pretty much liked the free spirit mask. There was lots of alcohol, drugs, free sex, hard rocking music, burning my bra, paying lip service to saving the rainforest, and stopping the war, if not actually doing much about it. I liked the thought of connecting myself with these lofty ideas, but it is a little hard to do a lot about it and keep up with the partying.

Well, that pretty much got me through the sixties and into the seventies, but that mask became a little too dangerous to wear. It also became heavy with guilt and regrets, so I put it aside. I wandered around trying first one mask then another, feeling uprooted and uncertain. There was a lot of depression going on as I tried to discover myself, and nothing seemed a good fit.

What I couldn?t see at the time was that I wasn?t alone in my search; that all along there was a guiding hand.  Even as I tried these things, there was a guide showing me another way. I ignored my guide for so long that I no longer recognized His help when it came my way, but it was always there and helped me to, eventually, get where I am now.

I was looking, in my mind?s eye, at the discarded pile of masks and thinking what a waste of time all that was. But then I thought, no, not a waste of time. Every role I played, every mask I tried on, taught me valuable lessons. I learned through my errors and the personal guilt they brought me to feel compassion for others as they look for their own path. I learned to forgive others and myself for what I thought were horrible mistakes, and to accept that they were only learning experiences.

For a long time, I was unable to discern my true Self. I thought I was the mask, not the person wearing the mask. But as I discarded the masks I was brought closer to the realization that I am not any of these roles I play. As I took off the mask of one role and picked up the mask of another, I didn?t cease to exist. Who was I in that interim? What I learned is that I have a true identity that the roles I choose to play in my life are masking. I have spent the last several years of my life, learning about my true Self.

What I have learned is this: My true Self is me as God created me, perfectly preserved, waiting for me to notice. And what else could be there? How could I have ever thought differently? To think that I could be different than what God created me to be is arrogance of a degree as to be almost comical. What am I saying here? Am I suggesting that I have the power to un-create what God created? God created me like Himself, so I am powerful, but I am not more powerful than my Creator. Even in my most foolish moment, I could not really believe that. The closest I could come is to pretend that I can?t see the obvious.

So here I am, a child of God, created like Him, therefore powerful and holy; powerful enough to move mountains, holy enough to heal the sick and raise the dead. Didn?t Jesus promise that I could do all he did and more? Why does this sound so unlikely? It even sounds scary to think of it.

I think it is because I have spent so much time making small the power my Father has given me. Instead of playing the Child of God, I have been playing little roles. I have been trying to be something I am not. I have allowed this behavior to obscure the truth of who I am. The most damaging thing I have done to myself is to obscure the truth that I am whole, that I am a part of you and a part of God. I have believed that I exist in a separated state, little me in defense against evil. No wonder I have been afraid and depressed in my life. No wonder I have been guilty and regretful. I thought I had thrown away my birth right. I thought I had thumbed my nose at God and made myself into something He doesn?t know.

I am truly the prodigal son spoken of in Luke 15. I have squandered the gifts of my Father, but He doesn?t care about my foolish mistakes. He only wants me to remember who I am. He doesn?t forgive me because He never condemned me. It is only I who condemned myself to a life without the peace and love of my Father. It is only I who can set aside all those roles I chose to play and all the masks I have worn in this illusion and choose instead to recognize the truth of who I really am; God?s holy child, forever perfect as He created me.

Just as I have been easily fooled into believing in the role I am playing, into thinking I am the mask I wear, I have been equally fooled by your mask. I have thought you were what you did. I have thought the role you are playing defines you and identifies you. But it is not true. You are not a gay couple. You are not a recovering addict. You are not a student, a father, a black man. There are no thieves, no liars, no cowards. There are no strong people, no weak people, no leaders, no followers. There are only children of God, still just as He created them. When they slip out of their masks, and walk away from the roles they have chosen, I will recognize them for who they are and wonder how I could have been so fooled by such flimsy evidence.

Can I see my true Self now? Can I see you as you really are? Is it really only a matter of choosing to recognize the truth of who we are? Could it really be that easy? Well, I never said it was easy. It is that simple, but I have not found it to be so easy. It requires great vigilance to remember my true identity. It also requires that I remember your identity as well. God created you perfect just as He did me. He did not favor me over you. In fact, He created us just the same and that is the secret of our strength. We are strong in our sameness, in our wholeness. We experience our wholeness only when we recognize that we are one. It is in our unity that we know our true self and experience our perfection.

So, if I look at you and see only the mask you wear, I am teaching myself that I am only the mask I wear. What do I see when I look at someone else? This is where my vigilance is important. When I went to visit my friend in the hospital, it would have been easy to see her has sick, weak and vulnerable, but that is only the role she was playing now. ?Sick person? is the mask she was wearing. I give that vision of her to God and ask that I might see her as she truly is. I ask to see her as God sees her, brilliant and beautiful and perfect and very very holy. This picture of her whole and healed is the vision I hold for her until she is able to look past her own role playing and see this for herself. This is my healing prayer for her.

Sometimes the picture I see of the other person is too vivid for me to see past. This often happens when fear becomes part of the equation. Imagine that you were fired from your job and you could not see that you had done anything wrong. Wouldn?t you be angry with your boss? Wouldn?t you think he was jerk? How hard would it be to see him as a child of God instead?

It would be hard for me because I would be feeling fear at the loss of income. In my fear and frustration, I would want to lash out. It would be hard to see this differently. Luckily, God has provided me with the help I need to change my perspective. I have His Voice and I can ask for help. I can give all this fear, and all the thoughts around the fear, to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to show me another way to see it. I can ask Him to show me the reality of my boss; the real person behind the mask.

Even if I am not entirely willing to see him differently, I can give what willingness I have and then ask that the Holy Spirit help my unwillingness. In the one case, I would be looking out of a victim mask and into an attacker mask. The Holy Spirit will change my vision if I let Him. He will help me take off the victim mask so that I can see I am my Father?s Son and then I can see the boss?s true identity and know he is my Father?s Son as well. He is not the attacker that his mask is showing me; he is my brother. Together we are One.

I look at my children and see them as the roles they play for me, which are different than the roles they play for their friends, the roles they play for their bosses and co-workers, for their own children. Sometimes I get a glimpse of one of their other roles, and I have a flash of realization. For a moment, I recognize how flimsy are the trappings that define their different roles. And right beneath these masks, these costumes, is something else for me to see. As Dan Joseph puts it: For a moment, our hearts are touched by a flash of beauty ? perhaps we see it in a friend or family member; perhaps a stranger. But for a moment, we find a glimmer of something that we didn?t know was there.

For a moment, there?s a shimmering of glory that makes the costume seem ridiculous. It might be gone an instant later, but we saw it. And we can see it again. As we let our vision be led past the outer trappings, the light within begins to emerge.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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The Greatest of These is Love

The Greatest of These is Love

1 Corinthians talks about love. In 13.2 it says: And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

It is pretty clear that there is nothing more important than the expression of love. Most of us save true expressions of love for those we are closest to, and yet, that is not what this verse is telling us. Nowhere are we told to love only those who are of our blood, or those who have personalities we like. It doesn?t suggest that we save our love for special people or special occasions.

The kind of love spoken of here is a universal love. Just as God loves us all without special favor, raining His love on the unjust as well as the just, we are to love everyone in that same way. In T-1.V.3:2-3, the Course tells us:  God is not partial. All His children have His total love, and all His gifts are freely given to everyone alike. The trick of course, is how to express our love in this way. I can?t begin to tell you how you should accomplish this, I can only tell you how I try to do it.

The most basic tenet of the Christian religion is that God is Love. I also know that God created me like Himself, so I must be love also. The Course says: You are the work of God, and His work is wholly loveable and wholly loving. T-1.III.2:3 Then why do I have so much trouble expressing myself as love? It is a lot easier to tell you of those times when I fail to express my true nature as love than it is to come up with examples of love. It really shouldn?t be so hard to do. I must be making some basic mistake, putting up some block to my awareness of my true nature that prevents me from seeing the value of love.

Who am I supposed to love? Everyone that God sends my way is someone I am supposed to love. All of these people are lessons in love; opportunities for me to remember who I am. If I express love to you, I am teaching myself that I am love. I am removing one of those blocks to my awareness of my true nature.

I will be given many opportunities for practice. There are lifetime relationships such as I have with my children. These relationships are rich in opportunity. I am so deeply bound to my children that the ties are virtually unbreakable, so I have to find ways around our seeming differences and disagreements. If this were any other relationship I might be able to run from it rather than repair it, so it is very good that I have lifetime relationships because if I could run, I probably would. Then I would rob myself of the chance to learn that I am love.

I have long term relationships. These relationships, while not lasting a lifetime, are sustained and have their own teaching and learning values, and there is usually enough time to learn to use love to work out conflicts. Then there are short term relationships like the ones I have at work with people who come and go. There are shorter lessons to learn with these people, but it doesn?t mean that they are not just as important. One lesson well learned is enough.

Then there are the people who just pop into my life briefly. They are given me so that I can teach love and learn love. Someone pulls out of traffic right in front of me. I can make a rude gesture, or I can smile in understanding. After all, I have done the same thing because I was in a hurry, frustrated, or just misjudged my timing. One response teaches me that I am love, the other doesn?t. Each lesson, no matter how simple or how brief, is of equal importance in its value as a teaching aid.

So, now I am clear about who I am to love. I am to love everyone that God sends to me. How about the ones I don?t actually meet? The people I see on TV or read about in the paper? Surely they don?t count? But, yes they do. Even if I don?t verbally express my thoughts, they still count.  The Course says: What you decide in this determines all you see and think is real and hold as true. T-31.VI.1.5 What I think is who I am, so I can?t discount these opportunities.

That is a lot of people to love, but on the other hand, there is nothing to figure out. I can?t confuse the issue by arguing that some people deserve my love and others don?t.  I have one rule only to follow. If they are here in my life, they are here for me to love.

Then there is the question of how to love. I have often been mistaken when I thought I was being loving and really that wasn?t the case. When my son, Toby said he wanted to go sky diving, I wanted to convince him not to. I felt that it was the loving thing for me to protect him. Or was it? Perhaps I was trying to protect myself from fear. Perhaps, the loving thing to do was to teach him to be fearless and faith filled. I could teach fear or I could teach love.  Doesn?t the Course tell us that:  Perfect love casts out fear.  If fear exists, then there is not perfect love. T-1.V.5:4-5

Nor am I talking about love in a romantic or physical sense. In fact, we call a lot of things love, when often we could more accurately replace the word love with desire or want. I might tell you that I love chocolate, and I do feel pretty strongly about chocolate, but that isn?t really love.

I have thought that strong feelings I?ve had for certain people was love, but it was really neediness. I thought I loved them, but what I felt was a need for their approval and affection. I thought they had something I didn?t have and that I wanted. That isn?t love either.

Let me give you an example of this. One of the things I was attracted to in my ex husband was his ability to socialize with so many people. Everyone liked to be around him. He was fun and had lots of friends. I found that intriguing because that was never true for me. I wasn?t very good at socializing and wasn?t what you would call a fun kind of person. I probably wasn?t the first person you would think of if you were looking for someone to liven up your party. I really wanted to be like him in that way.

This is not the only thing I liked about him, but it is a good example of the kind of thing we look for in others and hope to make part of ourselves through our union with them. The problem with this is that when the other person fails to produce this special behavior, or when you decide it isn?t important to you anymore, you become disillusioned with the relationship. Suddenly, you decide the other person isn?t what you thought they were, and you are ready to throw them over for someone with something more to offer. This isn?t love. This is a bargain that went bad. It may have been an unconscious bargain, but it was a bargain none the less. In 905: Special Relationships vs Holy Relationships, we read: If the truth were to be known it is saying, ?I?m looking for you to help me feel more special to make up for the feelings of lack and unworthiness I experience in myself.?

Another way to see this is in co-dependent relationships. I was in a relationship with a man who was emotionally immature. He needed someone to support his need to remain so. I needed someone who could support my need to feel worthy and important. So that was our bargain. It was such a good fit. He could be forever an emotional child, and I could be forever needed. It felt right and good. We called it love.  Then, I grew out of that need, and suddenly the relationship was one sided.  It became clear that what we had called love was really mutual need.

Love is not really an emotion, either; it is a decision. Contrary to romance novels people do not fall in love and fall out of love. People decide to love and they decide not to love. If I am experiencing an emotional response to someone, that is not love. It is something else, probably having to do with a sense of need on my part. The emotions that accompany this decision are not love. They are related to our perceived needs. If we are getting our perceived needs filled by our partner we feel strong positive emotions. If we don?t feel fulfilled by the other person, we feel strong negative emotions that can run from disappointment to rage.

I have decided to love everyone because it is what I must do to experience the peace of God. This kind of love is often referred to as Universal Love. It is unconditional love. We often speak of unconditional love as if it were a kind of love. Actually, unconditional is the only kind of love. If my feelings about someone are conditional, then they are based on something other than love.

I have a friend who is in and out of treatment for drug abuse. Do I love her any less because she does not stay clean? No, because that would be putting a condition on my love. If my partner were unfaithful to me, would that be reason to stop loving him? No, because, once again, I would have put a condition on my love. If my child grew up and moved away and seldom came to see me or contacted me, would I stop loving that child? No. My love has no conditions.

I don?t say to my friend that I will love you only if you are clean and sober. I might be sad to see her hurt herself. I might ask her not to bring her drugs into my life. But, I would not love her any less. I might decide that I did not want to share a home with an unfaithful partner, but that doesn?t mean that I would stop loving him.  I might feel very sad to lose the company of a beloved child, but I would not stop loving him. Love, real love, has no conditions.

Now take unconditional love and apply it universally. If I apply this same kind of love to everyone, I am loving as we are told to love. So, how does this work in my daily life? Well, this is where it gets a little tricky. When the towers came down, universal love required that I love the terrorists who crashed the plane into them. This was hard. I wanted to hate them. But I cannot. 1 John 4:20 says, ?If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?? I at least wanted to put some pretty basic conditions on my love of these people. Quit killing people, or I won?t love you. Is this asking too much?

I am certain that the world was full of people who did evil things when Jesus was here. In fact, if you read your history you know there were some terrible people, but Jesus did not say, love only those who do good. In fact, he went to some trouble to emphasize that we should love everyone in every circumstance. He said: But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Matthew 5:44

So, I must love Osama Bin Laden. Does this mean I must condone his actions? No, but I must separate his actions from who he is. I do not love what he does and if I could stop him, I would, but he is a child of God and so I love him. This is spiritual love. It is loving each person exactly the same and with no conditions.

Love is Universal and its laws are universal. If I am not expressing love always and in every circumstance, then I am not expressing Love. If I am not expressing Love, then I don?t know who I am. Because God created me like Himself, if I don?t know who I am, I don?t know who God is. It becomes clear why love is the most important principle of all; why none of the others mean anything without love.  Love is the key not only to my understanding of who I am, but to my understanding of my creator, and to our relationship with each other.  As it says in I John 4:8 : He who does not love does not know God, for God is Love.

I would like to share with you this ?Prayer of Patience?.  I wish I could give credit where credit is due, but I don?t know who wrote it.
 
Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night could be a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job)! is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Lord, please remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Please remind us to open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Once again reminding us to be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.
 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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MY MIND IS NOT IN MY BODY

My Mind Is Not In My Body

I used to be embarrassed by how much trouble I had with some of the simple spiritual concepts. It seems I work on the same issues forever. This became especially noticeable when I started writing. I found that I was writing about the same thing over and over. But I can see with the progression of the writing that this is just my learning curve.

I have written several times about my efforts to control my weight. I felt kind of funny writing about it at all. After all, I shouldn?t care what my body looks like. It is just an illusion. There are lots of things more important than my body size. Perhaps I should concentrate on some of those things and relegate my body to the unimportant pile.

But no, I don?t think so. I think everything I encounter in my illusion is an opportunity to practice forgiveness. I don?t think my body is important; I don?t think anything in the illusion is important, except as how I choose to use it. In that way all things are equally important, and to line them up in any other order is a mistake. On one side I have the Atonement, forgiveness. On the other I have tools with which to work toward Atonement.

After years of dieting and fretting over everything I eat, I decided to use this issue for spiritual growth and started asking the Holy Spirit to show me a new way to see it. It has seemed like a slow process to me, but I understand that I have a lot of ingrained beliefs about food and my body that I have been unwilling to relinquish all at once. I have made some progress, though.

My most recent step up the ladder has been a decision to give up all dieting of any kind. I am asking the Holy Spirit to guide my eating. My prayer is something like this: ?I don?t know what anything means. I won?t decide for myself. I ask the Holy Spirit to decide for me.? I do not do this perfectly. Sometimes I forget all about my new intention. I eat without asking first for help in choosing. I worry about what I ate and how it will affect my body. I forget that I don?t know what my body should look like and that I have surrendered that outcome to the Holy Spirit. But, the more I do remember, the easier it becomes and the more automatic it is.

It is interesting to see how this works. I never seem to want the same type of food twice in a row, and I don?t eat very much unless I am not paying attention. It feels good to eat like this and it feels peaceful. I had not realized how much at war I was with my body. I am learning that we can choose peace in everything we do, even in our eating choices.

I am also receiving insights as I am willing to consider them. I trust that this is moving along at the speed that is best for me. I accept that if I could be aware of all truths at once I would, and that if I don?t know everything at once, then it is because I need to take it a step at a time. The trust feels peaceful, too. I like it better than warring with myself about how fast I should be learning and what it meant that I wasn?t living up to that expectation.

One day recently I was talking to the Holy Spirit about my body. I was thinking that I would be more comfortable if I lost a few pounds and wondering if this is something that I could do without dieting. The thought that came to me is that my mind is not in my body. My body is in my mind. My body is just a figment of my imagination. It has no power of its own.  My body cannot do anything without my mind. It cannot get sick or get fat unless I make that decision. Workbook Lesson 152 says, ?Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose.

Of course I can be thinner. What am I thinking? If my body is in my mind, then all changes to the body are made in my mind. Losing weight has nothing to do with what I eat. It is a natural result of what I think. It is a decision I make. I decided that my body will be this size, so now I change my mind and decide differently. It may take me a while to become comfortable with this new thought and to picture it in my body because I am not used to making these decisions consciously, but it is really no different than what I have always done unconsciously. So, why do I get sick? Why do I get fat? Could this really be what I decided? Am I insane?

Well, in a word, yes. I did decide this and I am insane. As long as I continue to see the world through the eyes of my ego, I will continue to be insane because the ego is insane. Once I accept the premise that I am acting insanely because I am acting through the ego, all becomes clear. (Well, a lot of it becomes clear.)

I think I choose sickness and death over healing and life all the time. If I am still in the illusion, I can be sure that I am doing this at least some of the time. Sometimes when I make this choice, I do it in a very obvious way. I decide that if I eat certain things I will get fat or get sick and then? I eat them. Is that insane? Did I just choose illness and eventually death? Well, yeah, obviously I did.

Other times, my choices are not so obvious. I choose to use my body for attack. I attack my brother and I attack myself. I do this verbally, mentally, physically, with my beliefs. In the past I have attacked my partner with words in the heat of an argument. I have thought unkind things about someone and thought it didn?t count because I didn?t voice the words. It was still an attack and it attacked me first. I haven?t attacked anyone physically in a while, but when my kids were little I spanked them when I ran out of imaginative ways to get their attention. I have attacked those I love the most with my beliefs when I didn?t trust them.

All of these attacks on others is an attack on myself. If I don?t trust them, I am teaching myself that I am not trustworthy either. If I attack them in any way, I am teaching myself that I am vulnerable. Attack is always against my self and it is always seen in the body. So, I am constantly attacking my body. When I decide to attack, I am deciding on illness and death.

How do I correct these errors in thought? The Course tells us to remember that only the mind can create and that creation belongs at the thought level. Just knowing that my body is only a realistic representation of a thought in my mind is helpful in getting me started on this.  It is a truth that can be hard for me to hold in my mind. The body seems so real and is so compelling. When I feel pain in my body, it is very hard to remember that the pain is really in my mind.

Of course that is the purpose of the body. It is the home of the ego and is supposed to keep me engaged so that I cannot remember that I am a powerful and very holy Son of God. My body does, indeed, engage my attention. Hardly an hour goes by that I don?t lavish some attention on my body. It seems to call out for my care and love (or hate-the ego doesn?t really care as long as it has my attention) all day long.

For most of my life I thought that how my body looked depended mostly on what I put on it and into it. I thought the condition of my body was a reflection of my weakness as I failed at one diet after another. I thought that I was my body. I thought I was weak. That is what I was teaching myself with all those failed attempts to control my body through the manipulation of form. I was teaching myself that I was weak, helpless, and less than. It was a perfect ego set up; seek but do not find. Try and fail.

It was all because I was listening to the wrong voice. My mind is so powerful, but I have been denying that power by listening to the ego as it tries to convince me of my fallibility. I convinced myself that I have no control over my body as I listened to that voice. It is time for a new Voice. The Holy Spirit speaks to me of my power, of my holiness, of my invulnerability and I can hear this Truth if I choose to listen. How the Universe must chuckle at the idea that the Son of God is somehow imprisoned in this little body.

I?ve been dreaming such a life. The most powerful force in the universe, standing on a little scale hoping the needle went down today instead of up. Gulping down pills thinking they would protect this body illusion from harm. Queuing up for a flu shot (Gosh, I hope they don?t run out before I get mine) to protect against microorganisms so tiny they can?t be seen with my eyes and yet capable of slaying this body I have come to call myself. Truly, this is a nightmare. But a nightmare is just a dream after all, and a dream is not truth.

My mind is not in this body. This body is in my mind. This body is just a mistaken thought. The Course tells us that health is the result of relinquishing all attempts to use the body lovelessly.  There is a way to use the body that will lead me back to God. All things the ego has made for its own purposes the Holy Spirit will use for God if I let Him. I invite the Holy Spirit into my mind and I ask that He heal my thoughts. I will step back and let Him lead the way in this as in all things.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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The Peace of God Is All I Want

The Peace of God Is All I Want

What value do you place on your peace of mind? I think sometimes I sell my peace too cheaply. How many times have I traded my peace for anger that I thought was justified? How many times have I walked away from a peaceful mind so that I could wallow in self pity? How many times have I decided I would rather stay in fear than be peaceful. I had reason to think about this the other day.

I had been shopping at Albertsons and when I presented my check to pay for my groceries, they turned it down. The cashier explained to me that they use a service to cut down on bad checks, and that service advised them not to take mine. I must have looked totally shocked, because she reassured me that it was probably a mistake and these mistakes happen all the time. I paid for my groceries with a credit card and went home.

On the drive home I kept telling myself that there was no way I could have made such a big mistake with my account that it didn?t have money in it, and that it has been many years since I bounced a check, so that couldn?t be it. Why then did they turn me down? It had to be a mistake I reasoned, but what if it wasn?t? What if someone had taken a checkbook and was using it to finance their vacation? What if someone had stolen my identity? Finally, I gave it all over to God, and felt reassured.

I thought I was pretty calm about it by the time I reached the house. I checked my bank account over the internet and saw that all my money was still there. Then I called the company that denied my check and told them what happened. After asking a lot of personal questions they finally admitted it was an error on their part, and apologized. What I realized was that I had not entirely released this whole thing. I was still upset. I was angry at that company for the embarrassment and inconvenience it had caused me. I was not mean to the woman on the phone, but neither was I kind to her.

After I had hung up, I felt bad that I had been so sharp with her. After all it was not her fault this happened. I wanted to call Albertson?s and give them a piece of my mind. If this company makes mistakes, why were they using them? I wanted someone to be at fault. I wanted someone to take responsibility for this error. I wanted someone to blame.

Suddenly, I stopped what I was doing and asked the Holy Spirit to look at this with me. He showed me that I had given away my peace. I didn?t like the way I felt. I didn?t like being out of peace. The Holy Spirit helped me to see that I was trying to make myself feel better by making it someone else?s fault and then insisting that they fix it. He also helped me to see that this would never work. If I make my peace, or lack of it, someone else?s responsibility I would forever be dependent on forces outside of myself for my happiness.

What became clear to me was that this was a big mistake. The only way I could be sure of having peace was to take responsibility for it in every circumstance. It was so tempting to blame the check cashing company for my unhappiness. After all, they made the mistake that caused my upset, didn?t they? And what about Albertson?s? Weren?t they culpable as well? Didn?t their decision to hire an incompetent company figure in my loss of peace?

I could see that I was very angry about this. I wondered why I was so angry and the Holy Spirit helped me to see that I was feeling attacked. He led me to a course I took through Pathways of Light that talked about understanding attack. Here is how they explain it.

You build a house with your beliefs. It is your mental construction, your mental house (your state of consciousness).

When someone doesn?t agree with your mental house, you may feel that they are trying to attack it, which stimulates a need to build a fence around the house to protect against attack.

You can come from another perspective to see that when someone attacks your house, they are merely reflecting their belief about the house you are identifying with.

You can see it as an attack or merely a reflection of their belief.

It doesn?t have to be looked at as an attack.

OK now, I see that this is exactly what happened to me. I had a mental construct in which I saw myself as a person who didn?t write hot checks; as a person who is trustworthy. It was important to me that I be seen as the kind of person who has enough money to cover the cost of my groceries. Perhaps because this wasn?t always true about me, that image did not feel unassailable, so I felt a strong need to defend it. So, when I was told that they did not trust my check, I felt attacked. I felt like they were attacking my mental house. I wanted to defend that house.

Holy Spirit was helping me to see this differently. The clerk at the store and the woman who worked for the check cashing company were reflecting their belief about my check. Even if they carried it further and saw me as a person who would pass a bad check, they were still just reflecting their belief about me. I don?t have to own this belief, do I? I can choose to see this not as an attack on who I am, but just as a reflection of something these people think.

Did they take my peace? No one can take my peace unless I am willing to give it to them. My peace is my responsibility. Nothing anyone says or does to me can touch my peace unless I willingly allow it. As soon as I realized that peace is not a result of what happens to me, but is a decision I make, all of the anger went away. I realized in that moment, that I would rather have peace of mind, than have someone to make guilty. It was a simple choice. Choose for guilt, blame, and anger, or choose for peace, joy and happiness. Choose to listen to God?s Voice or choose to listen to my own little ego.

After I got clear of the anger, I could see how foolish my first choice had been. What good would choosing to place blame have done? It could not have changed what happened. It could only rob me of my joy, and of the chance to be a teacher for God. I wished I had made that decision earlier, I could have saved myself all that worry. I could have been a teacher of God when I spoke to that woman on the phone. Still, I managed to stop the ego insanity long enough to hear the Holy Spirit speak to me. I heard him remind me that I could have had peace instead of this. At least I was able to use this opportunity to strengthen my spiritual muscles.

I was talking about this to a good friend and she told me about an incident that happened with her. She was having an argument with her husband when suddenly in a sane moment, she was able to say, ?No, I don?t want this.? She was able to say to her husband that she wanted peace instead. Saying it out loud allowed them to break the cycle of attack and defend. From there they were able to change their focus from one of blame and guilt to one of problem solving. She was able to see, just for a moment, that peace was her real goal, and in that moment she chose for God, and God responded to her call.

What a gift we give ourselves when we choose peace.  It is also a gift to everyone else as well. As we allow God to lift us higher up the ladder, we are doing this for our brothers as well. They too, are lifted up that ladder. Being a teacher for God isn?t always about what you say. Your example in the face of a crisis is teaching. During the recent hurricane I heard about a man with a camp ground who offered through his local radio stations, openings for campers with all the amenities-free of charge for those who were fleeing the hurricane. This man is a teacher of God. He is extending God?s Love and is teaching others to do the same through the example of his life. In the stress and anxiety of dealing with catastrophe, He was an island of peace; a reminder that we are comforted and loved, and one of God?s own.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with problems and find it difficult to choose peace instead. Or I will choose peace and then find myself picking up the problems again. When this happens, I may need to take some time out and ask for help. There is a process that I find helpful. Perhaps you, too, could use a way to clear your mind and give the Holy Spirit an invitation to heal your thoughts. Why don’If we try this process right now.

Get comfortable in your chair, close your eyes and relax. ?Envision yourself in the basket of a hot air balloon, sitting on the ground. Jesus is standing with you in the basket. You can see the blue sky above you, and other balloons drifting among the clouds. You wonder why you can?t join them. Looking down at your feet, you see all around you in the basket the concerns of the day… . You imagine that you can pick up one of those concerns, and you hold it up to the light. ?You and Jesus look at the problem, and in his love and acceptance you watch as that problem seems to shrivel up and turn to dust.

Choose another problem, or perhaps a guilty secret, a depressing moment of regret, an offending personality. Do you see some fear thoughts, some anxiety provoking situations?Whatever you find hiding in the dark at your feet, I invite you to bring into God?s comforting Light. ?.As you give this over to Jesus as well, he smiles gently and shows you that it, too is nothing as it dries to dust and blows away. ?As you continue to give Jesus all of your burdens, you notice that without the weight of these problems, your balloon is lifting into the sky. You are lifted and held aloft by God?s Love.

As you revel in the delight of this gentle flight, Jesus places his arm around your shoulders. He lets you know that the peace of God is always yours for the asking. He asks if you have a question that you need to voice, and assures you that you will receive an answer in a way you can hear and understand. Ask your question now, and wait with Jesus for an answer. ?.When you are ready, gently return your attention to the room around you.

Here is what I have learned about peace.
1. No one can take my peace. I can lose it only if I voluntarily give it up.
2. Peace is not about what happens around me. Peace is a decision I make.
3. I can always have peace because this is what God wants for me.
4. I choose peace when I choose the Voice for God over the voice of the ego.
5. Living in peace is my gift to my brother. It is the way I teach for God.
6.        The peace of God is all I want.

As long as I am in this world I will be faced with distractions, with people who feel the need to attack, with fearful situations, because that is what the world is. I do have a choice though, about how I respond to this. I can choose to spread strife and unhappiness, or I can choose to give the gift of peace. It is up to me. Regardless of what is happening in my life, I can decide that the peace of God is all I want. I can quit selling my peace cheaply. I set my intention, right this moment, to choose peace and I invite you to join me in that choice. I choose the peace of God.

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Grain of Mustard Seed

A Grain of Mustard Seed

For most of my life, I thought that only what I did mattered. It never occurred to me that what I thought had any effect on my life. Over the years I have come to understand that what I do is a direct result of what I think. The thought always comes first. I also became aware of how powerful my thoughts are.  Mathew 17:20 quotes Jesus as saying that, ?If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you?. Let?s think about that for a moment. how do we express that faith? It is through our thoughts. Our thoughts may lead to action, but the thought must come first. Since our faith moves mountains, it follows that there is great power in our thoughts.

I must ask myself: Where do I place my faith? Do I have faith that I am as God created me? Do I have faith that I am created in God?s image; that I am like God, that I am good, and that I am all that this implies? I would have to be faithful to the image of myself as a perfect child of God created in His image and like Him if I am to believe that I can move mountains through my faith.

Or have I placed my faith in something entirely different? Have I placed my faith in my ego, that little self that I made to take the place of the perfect child God created me to be? Am I placing my faith in the image I made that shows me a sad, pathetic, and angry being, weighted with an intolerable burden of guilt and fear? 

To know where my faith is, I have only to examine my thoughts. I look at some of the thoughts around my sense of worthiness, for example, and I see that often I am unsure that I am worthy, and at times I am certain that I am unworthy. For instance, when I first decided to dedicate my life to being a teacher for God, I was overwhelmed with uncertainty and doubt. I felt I was not worthy.

My thoughts were influenced by what I learned as a child, by things people in authority have said to me, and by times I seemed to have failed and have let that seeming failure convince me that I must be unworthy. I say, seeming failure, because often those times that seemed to be a step back, turned out to be the very thing that helped me to grow. I have learned not to judge what happens to me. I guess this is a place in my life where my faith is stronger.

When I decided to become a minister, my thoughts went something like this: ?I must be out of my mind. Why would I think I could do this? Who am I to think I can help others when I have trouble helping myself??  Well, you get the picture. Perhaps you too have experienced this kind of thinking when you contemplated something new in your life. Maybe you understand how I felt.

If ever I needed my faith to be strong, it was at this time in my life. So, I asked myself, ?What do these thoughts mean? What is the belief I am holding that created these thoughts?? I obviously believed that I was unworthy of great things. I believed that I was different than God created me; not really like Him, not really good. I believed that some people are worthy of this, but certainly not me. I believed that I would fail. I believed that other people would disapprove and that they would be expecting me to fail.

Now I had a choice. I could support these beliefs, or I could choose to believe something else. I read a quote by Alan Cohen. It said, ?Agreement is powerful, and creates the reality you experience. Take care what you agree on, with whom, and why.? I could agree with these thoughts, these beliefs, if I chose to. But I had better be careful because my agreement is very powerful. My thoughts are a direct reflection of my faith and Jesus was very clear about the power of my faith wasn?t he?

I could choose, instead, to put my faith elsewhere. Since I am standing here before you, following my guidance to be a teacher for God, I obviously chose to place my faith in God?s vision of me. I asked Holy Spirit to help me see my thoughts of unworthiness differently. He showed me that I was mistaking arrogance for humility. He showed me that when I think I can make myself different from what God created, that is true arrogance.

After all, what am I saying when I see myself as unworthy? I am saying, ?God, I know that you think you created me in your own image and that you declared me good, but I have decided differently. I have decided that I will be something else.? Sounds insane doesn?t it? But, I do it all the time. No wonder I have a lot of fear and guilt to deal with. I think I am in competition with God over who I am.

The truth is that I am as God created me and I am not what I thought I had made of myself. Lesson 93 says this: Whatever evil you think you did, you are as God created you. Whatever mistakes you made, the truth about you is unchanged. Creation is eternal and unalterable. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. You are and will forever be exactly as you were created. Light and joy and peace abide in you because God put them there.

The Holy Spirit, Who is the Voice for God, went on to let me know that I can easily change my mind about this. I don?t have to do anything to make myself worthy. That was done by God in my creation. I only have to be vigilant against those thoughts which suggest a reality not in line with God. Then I take those thoughts to God and ask that they be corrected. Who I am is God?s perfect child, and that cannot be changed no matter what I think. However, I can think I have changed this and my belief in it makes the change seem real.

This world is full of small ego thoughts which bombard me constantly. Wall Street wants me to think that I am so vulnerable that using the wrong deodorant is going to be my undoing. The fashion industry would like me to think that no one will like me if my clothes are out of fashion. Television commercials constantly try to convince me that if I am not sick at this very minute, I soon will be and I need to buy some of their magic potions to protect myself.

Well meaning friends suggest that there is something wrong with my spiritual life because it isn?t like everyone else?s.  If I say that I am God?s perfect child created in His image and that nothing I can say or do will change what God created, they gently (or not so gently) suggest I am deluded, or worse.

If someone treats me unkindly and I choose to see it as a call for love instead of attack, someone is sure to tell me that I should be angry and that I should defend myself. When Susan was younger she asked me to go bungee jumping and I said yes. Some people looked at me like I was either nuts or irresponsible. I saw it as an act of faith; they saw it as foolish.

I know many people who are in twelve step programs. Some of them think of themselves as weak and as failures. I look at them in awe. I can hardly believe the power and strength it takes to do what they have done. It heartens me when I am feeling weak, to think of these friends and know that if they can overcome their addictions, I can do what I need to do. Some people have moved mountains in their lives and don?t even know that is what they have done.

I have a friend, another minister, who invited me to share in his joy at celebrating his 35th year sober. He says that he tells fellow substance addicts, that ?we are not weak-kneed impotent wimps but that we are very powerful and spiritually advanced beings.? I agree with him. I cannot imagine anyone who has gone through this as being weak. What strength it takes to do this! I have a friend who gets on the wagon only to fall off. She has done this repeatedly. Is she a failure? Good grief, no! What incredible strength it takes to keep trying even though everything in your life, and most people, are telling you that you can?t do it. Where does this strength come from? It was given you in your creation. It comes from your Father.

Everywhere we turn someone is saying we lack, we are vulnerable, we are weak, we are guilty. It takes great effort on our part to remain strong in our faith. It would be impossible except that it is God?s Will that we be as He created us, and therefore we have powerful help.

Archimedes said, Give me one firm thought upon which to stand, and I will move the earth. Well, my one firm thought is that I am as God created me. I hold to that one firm thought. I use it as a measuring stick against which I judge all other thoughts. If I find myself thinking that I can?t possibly succeed at something, I ask myself if God created me to fail. If I am afraid of anything, I ask myself if God created me fearful.  If I feel guilty because of something I said or did, I ask myself if God created me guilty.

The nay sayers will insist that I need fear to keep me from getting hurt and that I need guilt to keep me from behaving badly, and that I am being arrogant to think I am worthy of success. But I say to them, that my Father is God. The only thing I need is faith in Him. I don?t need to be afraid to protect myself. I only need to practice taking everything to God and following His guidance. That is true protection. I don?t need guilt to keep me from doing what is wrong. If I make a mistake, I take that to God for correction and let Him heal the thoughts that caused me to make the mistake. There is no need for guilt.

So, how much faith do I need to do this? How much faith does it take to fly in the face of convention? How much faith does it take to believe I am exactly as God created me? How much faith does it take to change the way I have thought all my life? It takes the faith of a grain of mustard seed. I believe, (even if my faith is small,) I believe that I can, and my faith will be bolstered by Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, by the angels. Heaven will send me all the help I need.

So, how do I go about making this change? It?s as simple as one, two, three. One, I become aware of my thoughts. Two, I take the false, mistaken thoughts to God for healing. Three, I feel the gratitude and comfort of knowing God is there for me and loves me and wants only the best for me. It isn?t hard or complicated. It just takes practice. Sure, at first it seemed strange and even impossible, but the more often I do it, the more natural it becomes and the more quickly I see my life change for the better.

Perhaps moving mountains seems more dramatic, but changing my life for the better is far more satisfying. And surely, there are times when the first seems no more out of reach than the other. But I am steadfast in my determination and persistence. I have faith, and I practice that faith, and I enjoy the fruits of that faith. Can all of you experience the joy of being as God created you? I know you can. I have faith!

 

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Letter to My Son: Keeping Life Simple

A Letter to My Son
Subject: Keeping Life Simple
                                                                    August 8, 2004

Dear Toby,

I was trying to explain to you what I mean when I say I keep my spiritual life simple. I don?t think I made myself clear during our discussion, and would like to try again in this letter. Writing how I feel about something is much easier for me. Writing affords the opportunity to take words back that you can never have in real time. It also allows me the luxury of expressing myself in a thoughtful manner which I cannot do when we speak face to face.

All decisions I make are very simple when I realize that all things are forgiveness lessons. That is what everything is for, an opportunity to forgive. No matter what form my problems may take, no matter how complicated the situation may seem, forgiveness is the answer. Forgiveness is achieved through the Holy Spirit. As soon as I identify a situation as an opportunity to forgive, I bring it to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help me to see it differently. I ask Him to heal my thoughts.

I started thinking about simplicity in my life when I began to realize that complexity is the way the ego distracts me from what is real. For instance, when I start thinking about my body size and shape, the ego quickly makes it seem like a very complex problem. There is what I eat; is it something that makes me gain weight? And, according to what expert? Which diet is really good for me? Which of the many diets offered will really work and of those, which will work for me? The experts can?t decide so how am I going to make a decision?

Then there is my metabolism. Different bodies seem to burn off calories at different rates. And, to further complicate the situation, our bodies experience a change in this rate as they grow older. So, what worked for a good part of my life, no longer does.

That is just the beginning. I haven?t even started on the psychology of weight loss and gain. How much am I affected by what my mom taught me through her experience of this problem?  She deeply impressed the idea that my weight is a deciding factor in who I am, and how people will think of me. I don?t think this is what my mom meant to teach me, but that is what I learned from her. And on goes the questioning..

Toby, you can see how complicated things get when you listen to the ego voice. The ego varies its rules as it needs to so it is hard to get a grip on anything it tells you. The one rule that never changes is this:You will seek and not find. You will try, but never succeed. The seeming complexity of everything in the illusion was made for this purpose. You can see how effective it is in distracting us from what really matters. And, in fact, it is very effective in keeping us from knowing what does matter. I have been so busy trying to achieve weight control that I have completely lost sight of what is meaningful.

This is why I strive for simplicity in my life. I have a purpose, a holy purpose, given me by God. My purpose in this life is to forgive. That is what everything is for. This keeps everything simple. If I am struggling with a weight issue, and I remember my purpose, then I know that what I am meant to do is to forgive.

Forgiveness is a matter of overlooking, or looking past an issue to the truth behind it. I don?t know what the truth is. If I did, I wouldn?t have anything to forgive. If I try to figure it out on my own, I will just wind up back in the ego trap of complexity. Instead, I ask the Holy Spirit for healing. I offer only my willingness to see it differently. That is my part, and my only part. I keep it simple.

Any time I find myself confused about something that is happening in my life, or uncertain what to do, I know that I am listening to the ego.  When that happens I take the whole thing to the Holy Spirit, and ask that He heal my thoughts around the issue. I usually start with my emotions because I am often not immediately sure what the thoughts are. For instance, let us consider my problem with weight.

When it looks like I am gaining a couple of pounds I feel panicky and fearful. When I eat something not on my current diet, I feel guilty. Because I have constructed such a complex thought structure around this issue, it has taken me some time and effort to get at the core problem. I did it by taking it a thought at a time and examining each one with the Holy Spirit. I thought about the fear I experience when I gain weight. I asked myself why I think I need to stay thin. The answer was that I think being thin helps me gain approval from others. Why do I need approval? I need approval because I think I am separate from my brothers, otherwise I could not see me here being attacked, and them over there attacking me.

So, the belief behind the thought behind the emotion is one of separation. And, of course, the belief in separation started with the belief I separated myself from God, the core belief behind all unconscious guilt and fear. It is at this level that I choose to allow healing, and I do this by choosing to listen to the Holy Spirit instead of my ego. When I asked my ego to help me with my problem, he took me down one dead end after another until I was so confused I could never find my way out. That is its purpose, to keep me in the illusion; to keep me coming back to the ego for my salvation.

The Holy Spirit on the other hand wants to teach me so that I no longer need a teacher. The Course says: I will teach with you and live with you if you will think with me, but my goal will always be to absolve you finally from the need for a teacher. The Holy Spirit shows me that the maze of complexity the ego created around this issue isn?t real. It is meaningless and therefore I can choose to ignore it. I don?t gain weight because I eat too much. I don?t gain weight because I eat the wrong things. I don?t gain weight because I have a slow metabolism or because my mom taught me all the wrong things. The Holy Spirit took me straight to the real problem, and gave me the opportunity to ask for healing, and to practice forgiveness. I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my belief that I am separate from God.

Because I have formed the habit of listening to the ego, I keep going back to it for advice, but now that I am listening to the Voice for God, I am no longer satisfied with the ego answers. I can see through its transparent efforts to keep me chained to it. I might listen for awhile, but then I return to the only Voice Which loves me and really wants the best for me.  Each time I return to the Holy Spirit, I am stronger in my willingness to follow its Voice.

This is the process I am learning to use with each issue in my life. I follow the emotion to the thought to the belief. Then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I forgive that belief and I am healed. This is sometimes instantaneous, but usually, it requires some effort on my part to maintain my willingness to allow healing, but each time I do it, it gets easier. This is my job; to practice forgiveness. All things that happen in my life are forgiveness lessons. My job is to forgive all things. I am very clear about this, and this is what I mean when I say I keep my life simple. When something comes up in my life, I ask myself what it is for and the answer is it is for forgiveness. I then express my willingness to forgive and ask the Holy Spirit to heal me. I no longer dance around the issue with the ego, or at least if I do, it is a much shorter dance, and then I remember what it is for.

This works the same on all things. If I feel like my feelings have been hurt by someone, I can follow the egos machinations and look for meaning behind the actions or words that caused the ill feeling. I can brood on the offense for days, even years. I can imagine what I would have said in retort if only I had thought of it. I can imagine how I will respond next time or even plot revenge.

The Holy Spirit will take me somewhere entirely different if I turn to Him instead of to my ego. He tells me my brothers’ words are either love or a call for love. How do I want to respond to my brothers’ call for love? Thinking of it this way puts the whole thing in perspective. What a moment ago seemed like an unwarranted attack on me, now with the Holy Spirit?s help, I see it was merely a plea for my love. I no longer feel attacked; I no longer feel the need to defend myself. Now I see my purpose here is not to attack, but to save.

So, again it is very simple. Instead of trying to figure out why I was attacked, and who shares what portion of blame; instead of trying to work out an appropriate defense and so attack in return; instead of filling my life with anger and fear, I have another choice. The Course says, ?This calls for salvation, not attack.? As I choose the Voice for God I am shown how to save the world through forgiveness. I am free to overlook what I thought was hurtful to me by seeing that nothing anyone says to me can hurt me. It is only how I feel about what they say that is hurtful, so there was no attack by that person. I attacked myself and I forgive myself for that attack. As I recognize my own invulnerability, I teach that person his invulnerability. As I teach him his invulnerability, I convince myself of my own. As the Course says:

  ?When a brother acts insanely, he is offering you an opportunity
              to bless him. His need is yours. You need the blessing you can
              offer him. There is no way for you to have it except by giving it.
              This is the law of God, and it has no exceptions.?

True forgiveness is such a lovely, elegant solution to all the misery we cause each other through our endless attack and defend reactions. And, best of all, it is so simple; not many solutions to many problems, but one solution to all problems. Simple, simple, simple.

Love,
Mom

 

 

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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The Comforter Which Is the Holy Spirit

The Comforter Which Is the Holy Spirit

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. John 14:26

When Jesus left us, he did not leave us comfortless. He left us with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has a very specific job. He is the Voice for God within us. When we need God?s love and comfort we have it, because we have the Holy Spirit. My friend called me today. Her family has suffered a death and she is grieving. Death seems so permanent to those of us who are left in this world of form. The body of her loved one is gone. She will not, in this life, see that form again. And yet, Jesus conquered death. He showed us, through his resurrection that there is no death. Still, she grieves for the loss of her daughter in law, because in this world, she is lost to her. Where can she turn for comfort?

The Holy Spirit is the Comforter that was given us by our Father. The Holy Spirit brings us comfort when we turn to Him. When we truly turn to Him with our grief in expectation of relief, it is ours. I have had times when I asked the Holy Spirit for comfort, but didn?t really mean it. What I really wanted was for things to go back to the way I wanted them. I wanted the dead to return from the grave. I wanted lost affections to be restored. I wanted absent lovers to return. I wanted my way. But when I released my demands and asked the Holy Spirit only for the comfort of God that is what I got, and the comfort of God is no small thing.

The Holy Spirit is my comfort and He is also my guide. He is the way- shower. When I am conflicted and unsure of the path, I need only turn to the Holy Spirit. He will direct my ways. There are so many times when I am unsure how to act, what to do. Each time He has been there for me, waiting patiently for me as I tried to work things out on my own, and when I was ready to finally ask for His help, He lovingly gave it, never rebuking me for not turning to Him sooner.

I was raised Catholic and attended church regularly. My faith was important to me. I was a Catechism teacher, and was raising my children Catholic. When I divorced my first husband, I felt that God turned His back on me along with the Church. It was a very hard time for me. My marriage fell apart, and I felt like God had abandoned me as well. I didn?t know where to turn. I was very fearful and fear often takes the form of anger. I became very angry with God. I was also confused, because I didn?t feel like a bad person just because I got a divorce.

I spent many months railing against God, and finally, in my confusion and my grief, I turned to the Holy Spirit. I asked Him for guidance. If I can?t love God as a Catholic, how could I love Him? Would He love me? Was He angry with me? I had practiced my faith in the prescribed ways, but I wasn?t used to going to the Holy Spirit for answers. I didn?t know how the answer would come. Frankly, I was hoping I wasn?t going to encounter any burning bushes. And, of course, I didn?t. I have since learned that the Holy Spirit always answers in a way we can understand and accept.

Soon, I started running in to people who would set me on a new spiritual adventure. I came across books that would help me learn a new way of worshipping my God. I found a church that nurtured my growing spirit. All that stuff, all those people were always there, but I wasn?t aware of them because I wasn?t ready. As soon as I signaled my readiness by asking the Holy Spirit for help, I saw what had been right before my eyes all along. God loves us. He never forces His Love on us, but He keeps it ever available for us in what ever form will be most helpful.

The Holy Spirit teaches me all things. He teaches me how to live my life, how to do God?s work, how to love my brother, how to be joyful, whole and perfect as my God created me.  This is His function and His joy. It is no burden for Him to do this for me. It is what He is for. A couple of years ago I got a call from my older daughter, Sheryl. She asked me if I had seen Susan lately. (Susan is my younger daughter.) She said that she thought Susan had done something to her hair because even though she was wearing a bandana, the little she could see looked strange. This really piqued my curiosity and worried me a little. Susan has the most beautiful hair.

Well, I went by to check it out and was I ever in for a shock. The girl had shaved her head. We are talking about totally bald, not even stubble! I didn?t know what to say. Well, I knew what I wanted to say, but I restrained myself, admirably, if I do say so myself. I had a real problem with this. I was angry. I was sad. I was completely confused with my own reaction. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. After a while of this, I longed for some peace and so, finally, I took the whole issue to the Holy Spirit. I asked Him for some help.

I wasn?t asking Him to talk some sense into my daughter. I wasn?t asking Him to give her back her beautiful hair. I just wanted my peace. He reminded me that Susan is not her body. She is spirit. Spirit cannot be altered. I love her as Spirit. ?So,? I asked, ?Why am I so upset?? Why am I having so much trouble getting over it?? I didn?t even want Susan to take her bandana off around me.

The Holy Spirit helped me to see that I had certain expectations around Susan as my daughter; a certain role for her to fill. I thought I needed her to be beautiful and talented, in a prescribed way. I thought I needed her to represent my success as a mother-whatever that means. As the Holy Spirit, gently and lovingly, showed me these feelings, I was able to release them. It was like cutting strings that were attached to my love, and watching it soar to new heights. I was freed from my judgments. I was at peace.

The funny thing was, the next time I saw her, she seemed more beautiful than ever. Her head has such a lovely shape and without the distraction of her hair, her features were especially lovely. Susan shaved her head for her own reasons, but the Holy Spirit used this incident to teach me how to love.

There are many ways the Holy Spirit helps me. Sometimes I take full advantage of this help. Sometimes I don?t. I had a teacher once, who told me that I should not berate myself for missed opportunities to learn. He said that the Universe is very patient. If you don?t get your lesson the first time, you will be given another chance. I have certainly found this to be true for me.

Marianne Williamson was talking about this in her book, ?A Return to Love.? She tells us about how self destructive she used to be, and how she kept falling back into the same behavior patterns no matter how hard she tried not to. She says that there is only one despair worse than, ?God, I blew it.?- and that?s, ?God, I blew it again.? It was at a twelve-step meeting that she finally heard something that really helped. She heard alcoholics asking God to take away their desire to drink. Well, drinking wasn?t her addiction; her addiction was her own pain. She says, ?It occurred to me that, just as with any other addictive behavior, maybe a power greater than myself could turn me around.?

I greatly admire her clarity in this. It took me a very long time to reach any kind of understanding of my own behavior. I would do things a certain way and when they didn?t work; I would do the same thing again. Strangely enough, the same thing didn?t work that time either. So I would do it again. I don?t think I ever realized that I was attached to my pain. I had gotten used to it; it was comforting in its familiarity. It may not have been all that pleasant, but I could always depend on it being there.

When I finally declared that I had had enough, and decided there must be a better way, I learned to turn to the Holy Spirit. It took some work because I had a life time habit to turn around. Like the ?one day at a time? philosophy, I would take it one thought at a time.? In the past, when my husband would berate me for not doing something the way he wanted me to, I would respond with accusations of my own. The battle would begin. You know, it got to where we knew our lines so well, it hardly seemed worth it to go through the motions. But it was like I enjoyed the pain. I just kept going, even though I knew it would bring us nothing but misery.

Eventually, with the Holy Spirit?s help, I got to the point that I could short circuit the argument. Sometimes I could even turn it into a loving moment. Though I did not choose to stay in that marriage, I am grateful that I was able to use some of our life together to practice going to the Holy Spirit. I learned that my addiction to my own pain could be overcome through surrender. I surrendered my demands and my expectations and just asked God what He wanted me to do in the situation.

This was hard at first because I had grown accustomed to defending myself. The first attempts to surrender were tentative because I was afraid of being vulnerable. But what I learned is that surrender to God does not leave you vulnerable, but rather strengthens you. As my faith grew, so did my comfort level. I?m not afraid of this process any more, and seldom resist it. I can be stubborn about giving up my need to be right, but most of the time, I understand that being happy is more important than being right.

The Holy Spirit is my guide, my teacher and my comforter. Because it is God?s Will that I return to Him, He placed this help within me. My only job is to surrender myself to His help. Let me share something else that Marianne Williamson said. “How ironic. You spend your whole life resisting the idea that there?s someone smarter than you are, and then all of a sudden you?re so relieved to know it?s true. All of a sudden you?re not too proud to ask for help. That?s what it means to surrender to God.? This is how I feel now. I am so relieved to know that I have help. I only need to ask.

 

 

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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