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Gentle Healing Journal Day 56 11-22-18

Journal for Day 56
Lesson 52

1(6) I am upset because I see what is not there.
I understand this on two levels. On the level I am calling the world, I perceive everything according to the interpretation the ego gives it. For instance, suppose I found out that my friends went to the show together and didn’t invite me. If I used the ego mind to interpret this, I would believe my friends had abandoned me and maybe they didn’t really like me anyway.

If I used my holy mind (the Holy Spirit) to interpret this situation I would be happy that they had a good time and enjoyed each other’s company because that is what Love does. The ego’s interpretation showed me something that was not there. The Holy Spirit’s interpretation showed me Love, which is always there.

On a higher level, I see a world that represents separation. Everything is separate from every other thing and this puts all things in competition with each other. It creates conflict and strife. There is jealousy and rage and guilt. On this level, I acknowledge that nothing I see with my eyes actually exists; I see only the projections of ideas in my mind. If I am upset it can only be that I see what is not there. Reality is not upsetting.

2(7) I see only the past.
Again, I am seeing this on two levels. From within the world, I might be upset that I wasn’t invited to be with friends. If so, it is because I have learned from life that friends should not abandon you. Perhaps I learned this from listening to adults with this mindset, or from books I read or TV shows. I think of the mind as this big computer that holds all these learned behaviors and interpretation of behaviors.

When something happens that triggers a search through the ego mind, for instance, my friends didn’t invite me along, I find memories from the past that seem to apply to this situation. I make decisions about the current situation based on this past learning because if I use the ego mind to decide, I don’t have any other information to use.

If I look at this on another level, it is not really about not getting invited to the movies. It is about acknowledging that the ego mind is not useful in making judgments and that those judgments are based on faulty premises and so are not helpful. It is about looking at the root cause of the emotional reaction so that it can be healed. The root cause might be a feeling of unworthiness. If I allow that error to be corrected, I am free to see differently, and am no longer mired in the past.

3(8) My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.
All it takes to know this is true is to pay attention to the thoughts that run through the mind. I sat in silence for just a moment and the thoughts that ran through my mind were all thoughts based on the past. Every last one of them. If I have only those thoughts on which to make decisions, nothing is ever going to change. How could it? And that is the ego’s purpose, to use time to maintain the illusion of separation from God.

On another level, as long as I continue to turn to the ego mind for solutions, I am turning to the past and the past does not exist. As Jesus tells us in Chapter 26 of the Text, “You keep an ancient memory before your eyes.” When I am thinking about the past, I am not actually thinking at all; I am reviewing what it is I want to know. Being thus preoccupied with past thoughts, I have defended against the thoughts I think with God and assured that the cycle of birth and death continue and nothing is solved.

4 (9) I see nothing as it is now.
Everything I see with my eyes or perceive with my mind is a reflection of my thoughts. If my thoughts are mired in the past and therefore do not exist, then what I see with my eyes cannot exist either. If I want to see what is actually there to be seen, I must recognize the problem as it is. I must be willing to acknowledge that my eyes are not for seeing but for image making, and I must acknowledge that there is a way to see and that I want to see.

(10) My thoughts do not mean anything.
My thoughts are meaningless because not only are they thoughts of a non-existent past, but because they are “my” thoughts. They seem to be my own private thoughts that belong only to me. This is as impossible because we share the same mind. These thoughts that I think I think are as much of an illusion as is the world they show us, but as long as I accord value to them and treasure the idea of private thoughts, I will be unaware of my real thoughts. I share my real thoughts with all of us, and with our Creator. These are the thoughts I want to uncover.

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