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Gentle Healing Journal Day 61 11-29-18

Journal for Day 62
Lesson 58
1 (31) I am not the victim of the world I see.

“How can I be the victim of a world that can be completely undone if I so choose?”

How is it that I choose to walk out of this world? This morning, I joined with the Holy Spirit in choosing the kind of day I would have. This is what was decided.

Today I will make no decisions by myself.

Today, I am going to make every effort to remember that I am not a victim of my life but the maker of this life, the scriptwriter. I will enjoy the story. If the script becomes one of suffering, I will remember to ask Jesus what thought error needs correction, allow it to be corrected and feel gratitude for the events that pointed to the error in thinking.

If I make no decisions by myself, this is the day that will be given me.

Later this morning, I was at the eye doctor. I had to get my eyes dilated, something I don’t like doing. I also don’t particularly like my doctor. He doesn’t really listen and he doesn’t like to be questioned or disagreed with. I noticed my mood and realized that I was not having the day I decided on. I had to wait for my eyes to dilate so I took advantage of that time to talk to Jesus.

I put my hand on my heart and called to him. When I felt connected, I told Jesus how I was feeling and that I recognized that I was holding a grievance against this doctor and that I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to free my mind of ego thinking. I asked Jesus what this was really about. I knew right away that it was about not feeling safe. I didn’t feel safe with this doctor and that made me feel vulnerable.

All ego thoughts and situations are a result of the tiny mad idea in which we chose to see ourselves as separate from God and the resultant fear and guilt. We just play that moment out over and over in different ways. In seeing myself separate from God, I felt vulnerable for the first time and that is all that was happening here, this time with the doctor playing the part God played.

But nothing actually happened in the tiny mad idea other than a fantasy. I am not ever vulnerable. I am always safe. The ego is what feels vulnerable and it is the ego that seeks to defend itself. I am not the ego and unless I choose to identify with the ego, I do not have to feel endangered. I gave the Holy Spirit the belief that I am what I made.

I accepted His correction and saw myself outside of and apart from the body in that chair waiting for her eyes to dilate. All the anxiety and the resentment just fell away. Nice. This is how I step outside the world I made. This is how I leave behind the idea of victimhood. I went to the doctor for my yearly exam and left with a prescription for new glasses and a peaceful mind.

2 (32) I have invented the world I see.

“I made up the prison in which I see myself.”

I made up the idea of a body and I made up the idea of a world of separate things that have no connection to each other. I made up the idea that I could somehow be separate from my Source. Because of the power of our mind, all that could be imagined was imagined and we have been exploring it since.

But no matter how extraordinary the illusion, it is still an illusion. I can be free of it simply by not thinking it anymore. That is what I am learning now and slowly, as I understand what thoughts are perpetuating the illusion, I choose to release them and they are undone.

3 (33) There is another way of looking at the world.

“I would look upon the world as it is, and see it as a place where the Son of God finds his freedom.”

I have used the illusion as a prison for the Son of God, but there is another way to see it. As I let more and more of the imprisoning thoughts be corrected, the world takes on a different meaning. Each person in my life and each situation in my life mirrors the beliefs in my mind and lets me see which I want to keep and which I am ready to let go. What held us prisoner now becomes the way to freedom.

4 (34) I could see peace instead of this.

This morning at the doctor’s office, the world felt like a prison. I was stuck with a doctor I didn’t trust and who seemed arrogant and uncaring. The world felt dangerous to me. Because I have learned to choose peace above all else, I let my mind be corrected. All the judgmental thoughts and feelings fell away as I decided that I wanted everyone there to feel loved. This was the best checkup I have ever had. They took their time and did a good job. The world is a place of war if my mind is at war. It is a place of peace if my mind is peaceful. It’s up to me.

5(35) My mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.

“I begin to understand the holiness of all living things, including myself, and their oneness with me.”

My doctor is very holy. The technicians are very holy. I am very holy. We are all part of God and so we are all very holy. That is just a fact. Everything else that I seem to experience is an illusion. That we are all part of each other and part of God is the only thing that is true.

PS This is the first time in two years that I can see clearly and that I don’t suffer eye fatigue. I think that my past judgment and resultant distrust of the doctor is the reason I was having so much trouble getting a correct prescription. I had gone in with a loveless attitude and my thoughts were projected outward as this situation. This year I let that all go and the prescription I received was absolutely perfect. It has made a big difference in my life.

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