Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

Sleepless in Wisconsin

Another sleepless night.  My body seems to run in cycles of sleep, sometimes I sleep, sometimes sleep doesn’t come.  There is a part of my mind that complains and whines about the insomnia; this part feel sorry for itself and compares levels of sleep with others who sleep every night.  This part wants to place great importance on the body and its meaasure of tiredness.  If I pay attention to this voice too long I feel guilty for not sleeping, knowing that its my split mind that causes this, and I feel even more tired.  How tiresome!

Its times like these that I return to the first and basic ACIM lessons about meaning.  I don’t know the meaning of anything.  Everything has the meaning I give it.  I need to let go of applying meaning from the ego mind.  I have learned to rely on a Pathways of Light statement in the Opening Preparation we read before focusing on any course work, which in essence says that I am willing to look at circumstances and events in my life as showing me where there is still a need to heal my mind.  I turn it over to Holy Spirit.

I surely know that of myself I can do nothing to help this situation.  God knows I have tried to fix this at times and angrily not tried at other times.  I am in a process of learning to let go of it and forgive myself for having it.  It sometimes does little good to say that there really is no groggy body, no headache, no tiredness, that it is really nothing.  After all, it seems so real, and it continues.  Sometimes, some situation require turning to Holy Spirit over and over, letting go of attachment to what I think would be best.  I am learning to accept what is.  Sometimes we just don’t understand the meaning of chronic body conditions, whether it seems to be disease, pain, cravings, or whatever the body seems to be demanding.  Sometimes its hard not of obsess or attach great significance to bodily discomfort.  But obsessing never helps and keeps us focused on wrong-mindedness, that part of mind that thinks its separate from God.

When the going gets rough for me, I know I can choose what to focus on.  I know I can choose to practice the lessons and principles in ACIM.  It is not always easy to practice these and to learn from them, to let go of the call from body over and over and focus on listening to the Voice for God.  Anyone who has seemed to live in chronic pain knows that turning it over is a constant practice.  We don’t know the meaning for we consciously wouldn’t choose pain.  Somewhere in the subconscious mind that thinks its separate from God, that part has chosen to project a body with certain conditions.  Just knowing this helps me.  I may or may not know the meaning.  But I do know that Holy Spirit knows the meaning and will speak to me in a way that I can understand right where I am.

All I need is my willingness to listen, and willingness to let go of what I think I see or feel.  And the Course says that I only need to be willing to do this for an instant.  I like to be in willingness because I know there is no further obligation on my part.  When I give it, whatever “it” is, to Holy Spirit I have done it all.  There is nothing else I need do.  I trust that all is as it should be.  I can rest.  I can be at peace regardless of what the body seems to be.  I can be at peace with seeming grogginess, tiredness, headache, knowing its not really me.  The sensation still seems to be there and I ‘m not required to say that I seem to feel differently or “better.”  I just let go of any meaning the body gives it.  The body cannot fix the body.  The ego mind cannot fix the body.  Holy Spirit shows me there is something more and that body is not so important after all because its nothing but a projection from my “sick” mind. 

ACIM promises me that I truly cannot be this “sick” mind.  I trust Holy Spirit to show me the way.  I have discovered that I can trust Holy Spirit through practicing the lessons of ACIM.  Discovering that trust made all the difference in my life.  I now trust that peace is possible in any circumstance or situation if I focus on Holy Spirit and not on body.  Today I choose to focus on Holy Spirit.

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