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Worry

Lately I have been indulging in worry, and I?ve got to tell you that this is a monumental waste of time. I know this for sure because after a week of concerted effort put into worry, I can say with absolute certainty that nothing was accomplished through this activity.

Worry seems like such a natural thing to do. Like everyone else, I learned early on to worry about things. Our teachers told us to worry about passing tomorrow?s math test because it was going to be a big part of our grade. They did it because they were afraid we would not study otherwise. Our parents encouraged us to worry about a myriad of things, and we do the same to our own children. It falls under the guise of protecting them. We do it because we don?t want anything bad to happen to them; because we love them.

Alan Cohen said, ?Worry is not a form of love. Vision, confidence, and belief in him are.? I was thinking about this last week after I got tired of giving my peace away through worry. I am so accustomed to worry as a form of love, that I had never questioned it. My son was in a wreck, so I spent three days worrying. A hurricane was coming so I worried about him being in its path, and when I convinced him to come home I worried about him losing all his stuff that he had left behind.

I worried about my daughter?s financial plans. She is in the middle of some exciting but risky ventures. What if everything went wrong? I think about it and I seem justified in worrying. Hurricanes and financial loss seem scary. Unexpected things do happen, and they can seem bad. I love these people so shouldn?t I worry? If I didn?t worry wouldn?t that mean I didn?t care about them?

I asked myself how it would feel not to worry about them. It seems weird to even think about it. If Toby was caught in a hurricane and I wasn?t worried about him, wouldn?t you wonder what was wrong with me? And yet, what good does it do? Is he one iota safer because I am here worrying about him? And is it really love that prompts worry?

I think it is fear, actually, that causes anyone to be worried; fear of loss. I am not really afraid that Toby will die. Toby will die when it is his time. There is nothing bad about dieing. We do what we came here to do, and then we leave. There is no real ending, just a change in venue. I get that. My fear is about my own sense of loss, and the grief I would experience. I am afraid to be without him for the time that is left for me.

I don?t really believe that financial loss is the end of the world either. All things that happen to us are opportunities to love, to forgive, to practice being in peace and that is all the meaning anything has. If Toby lost all his stuff, then he would learn that stuff can be replaced. It has no real value of itself. If Sheryl were to fail in her financial venture, she would learn from her errors and move on, a better person for it. So why do I worry? I think it may be because, as a mom, I feel a misguided need to fix everything for them, even when I know that it is not possible or even desirable for me to do so. I think if I can?t fix it, I will be a failure as a mom.

Well, it became apparent to me as I thought this out, that my worry for others was really worry for myself. I had not realized this before. If I want to be truly helpful, I can choose to do as Alan Cohen suggested; I can see my children with true vision. I can see them as confident, strong, and able. I can see them as God created them. If this is the vision I have of them, it will be reflected in my words and my actions. They will be aware of my belief in them and it will strengthen their belief in themselves. Isn?t this a far more loving thing to do than to worry about them?

It is very important that I realize my words and actions are continually teaching. Do I want to teach fear and weakness? Or do I want to teach strength and faith? I have no option but to teach, however, it is up to me what I choose to teach. While there may seem to be many options, it is really very straight forward. There are always only two options. I can choose for the ego, or I can choose for God. The choice I make supports one or the other. Which do I support?

And it does matter which I support. What I support I strengthen, and what I do not support I weaken. I think we all recognize this at some level even though we may not have really thought it out. This is the reason we want people to agree with us. We know that their agreement supports our beliefs. We know that their failure to agree weakens it. That is why some people are very upset when we refuse to go along with their religious or political beliefs. They need our agreement to strengthen their point of view.

So what do I do with worry when it starts? Over the last couple of weeks I have had some experience with this. I held onto my fear for several days before I let it go. I don?t entirely understand why I choose to stay in my dramas, but I recognize that I do. Eventually, though, I remember how much better life is when I choose peace instead.

Once I choose peace, I have set an intention to make it happen. This gets things rolling. I may not move immediately into peace, but my intention invites heaven to assist me. I have all the help I need to get to where I intend to be. The longer I stay in chaos, the more difficult it is for me to make that choice. It is as if I get lost there and can?t find my way out. My mind becomes busy with thoughts, and I don?t know which one to believe.

This is what happened to me recently. So when I decided that I wanted my peace back, I recognized that I needed help. I asked the Holy Spirit to look at all my thoughts with me and to correct the ones that were in error. I thought I had already done that, but I wasn?t in peace. What I realized was that I had been asking the Holy Spirit to take away my discomfort, but I was holding onto my thoughts.

I can?t have both. I can?t have mistaken thoughts and peace of mind. One will not exist with the other. As soon as I saw what I was doing, I decided that I was willing to see this in a different way. The Holy Spirit showed me the truth about worry, and gave me this new way of looking at things. This was not instantaneous. I had to practice choosing peace. Each time ego thoughts would rise to the top, I looked at them with the Holy Spirit. I allowed my mind to be healed.  Eventually, as each was corrected, there were fewer and fewer worry thoughts, and my peace was uninterrupted.

The truth is, I don?t know what anything means anyway. There is a great sense of relief as I say that. I don?t know what anything means. Why should I think that it is my responsibility to make decisions? It is one of my favorite prayers to say, ?I make no decisions on my own.? I open my mind to the Holy Spirit and invite Him in. I ask Him to decide for me because I know that He speaks for God. This too, brings peace.

Life goes on; things happen, some of them upsetting to my plans. I can?t change that. I can choose to keep my peace in the midst of it all. I can allow the Holy Spirit to show me a different way to see the things that are happening. He can help me change my perspective.

I was reading a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called ?There?s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem.? Shortly after Dr. Dyer wrote this book, he had an opportunity to practice what he had just preached. He had a heart attack. He ate healthy, exercised regularly all his life, meditated daily, did what he loved and loved what he did. Heart attacks were supposed to happen to other people, not to him.

Dr. Dyer couldn?t believe this was happening to him. He felt sorry for himself. He was in a state of shock and disbelief. He was feeling self-pity, sadness, doubt. He was scared. Then he turned this around as he thought of the principles of his book and realized there was a spiritual solution to this problem, too.

He said: The facts are the facts, my heart had been injured. Now it was up to me. I am not this body; I am a spiritual being, eternal, always connected to God. I could shift my awareness to being the observer rather than the victim? It was as if a light came on in a dark room.  Dr. Dyer had brought his problem to God, and had been shown a different way to see things. He began to feel cheerful rather than morose. He began to circulate around the hospital ward bringing cheer to others. He started seeing the other people and the staff differently. Instead of looking at everyone with fear and anxiety, he was seeing them with awe, love, and respect. He said: I looked for what was right about that place and experienced gratitude for everything my senses witnessed. Surely the presence of God is in this place.

Dr. Dyer recognized that he could not change what was happening in the world of form, but that did not mean he was helpless in the situation. He had a choice. He could choose to stay in worry, or he could choose to allow the Holy Spirit to show him a different way to see. Choosing for God made all the difference in the world. He helped not only himself, but his actions taught everyone there. His doctor?s wife had been suffering from illness, and what she heard about Dr. Dyer?s spiritual solution to his physical problems it set her on a spiritual path. It also impressed his cardiologist and gave him a new way to help his patients.

So what I have learned these past two weeks is that when I see I am in a state of worry and fear, I know that there is nothing to be gained from staying in it. Worry serves no useful purpose. I know that I am not a victim of the world, and do not have to remain in this state; I can choose differently by choosing God. I know that all my problems are a direct result of faulty thinking, and that I can ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking. I may not be able to change what is happening in the physical world, but by changing my mind, I can change my experience of what is happening. I know that changing my thinking changes everything.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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The Path to God

It seems that there are many paths that I can take in my life. But in truth there is only one. All roads lead to God. I look back over my life and some of the things I have experienced argue against this idea. It certainly doesn?t look like I have always been on the right path. It doesn?t seem that I have always been on the path to God. But then, when I reconsider, I see that I have experienced in life exactly what I need to be where I am now. I also see that, yes, all roads do lead to God, because God is all there is.

I?ve done a lot of crazy things in my life. During those times, it certainly didn?t seem that I was on a path to God. I didn?t sleep through the sixties, and I lived the seventies as if they were the sixties, too. I burned my bra, I practiced free love with enthusiasm, I inhaled! I made mistakes that felt really big. I hurt myself and I hurt other people. I spent some time being very angry at God. I openly and frankly cursed Him. And each thing I did brought me a step closer to my Father, because there is no place else to go.

At some point in the eighties, I made up with God. How amused the Universe must have been to hear that I was returning to where I had never left. Now I sat my foot more deliberately on the path home. I began to realize that I wanted the road to God, and I started to really put some effort into it. I studied and meditated. I opened my mind to seeing things differently. I worried that I would choose the wrong path. The Holy Spirit tried to show me that all the paths, no matter how different or odd one might seem, wound up right back at the same place.

I wasn?t very consistent in my spiritual efforts. I would be working really hard, and then suddenly I would wake up to the fact that I was floating aimlessly through life again. I would feel guilty for losing my way, for veering off path again. As if I could. As if there was some other path.

I spent the nineties slipping on and off my intended spiritual path. I would do what I thought God wanted me to do and I would feel good about myself. Then I would mess up and I would feel guilty. I would feel like a failure. I would feel like I had made a promise to God and then failed to keep it. God just kept right on loving me, carrying me. When I felt able I would get back on my feet and try again. Why did I think that I needed to walk my path on my own? Why did I think it would be better if God did not carry me?

With the new millennium I came near to celebrating another decade in this life. It also brought a new determination to walk a straighter path. I finally realized that I probably was not going to remain in this life forever. I felt a driving force moving me steadily toward God. I asked for whatever it would take to keep me going-to get me to my destination. I expressed a willingness to do whatever it took. God answered my prayers, and I heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my heart in a way I never had before.

I was led to Pathways of Light, and they provided a structured program that would help me reach my hearts desire. I was shown how to use A Course in Miracles to move me forward at a faster, surer pace. I was led each step of the way. I was assured that I need only focus on my true purpose and everything else would be taken care of. Did that mean that I would never have any problems? No, but it did mean that whatever problems came up in my life, I would have the option of taking them to the Holy Spirit to be solved. If that is what I chose to do, then the problems themselves would move me another step down the path.

My path brought me to the Church of the Brethren. I am so grateful for this opportunity to share with, and learn from, such a terrific bunch of people. I can hardly believe my good fortune to find a church so inclusive, so loving, and so open minded. But then, it is not really good fortune; it is another step planned for me by the Holy Spirit. I set my intention to follow His lead, and He, in turn, led me to exactly the place where I should be.

I would like to share with you some of the things that I have learned while on this path.  I have learned that I have never done anything wrong. I have taken a few side roads, but they all led back to the path. They slowed me down, but that?s OK because I learned many lessons while on them. I spent some time in regrets and guilt, and that slowed me down, too, but what I learned was that guilt and regrets are a waste of time. What I have done or failed to do is irrelevant to God. He knows His creations and He knows that my actions cannot change what He created. I am just as God created me. Still.

I have learned that there are only two voices; the voice of the ego, and the voice of the Holy Spirit. I can choose the voice I want to hear. It is always my choice which I listen to. One will lead to chaos and one will lead to peace. I love the simplicity. I can ask at any time, ?Who am I listening to?? and the answer is always only one of two voices. The answer is very clear and the choice to listen to the Voice for God is always possible.

I have learned that peace is my one goal. Peace is all I want in life. I have tried lots of other things and none of them have brought me happiness. I don?t remember where I read it, but something that has always impressed me as true is that intelligence is the measure of your ability to make yourself happy. If that is so, my intelligence quotient has risen over the years.

If I have to choose between being right or being happy, happy is going to win out every time.  That is another place in my life that has become simpler. I look at my choices and ask which one will bring peace into my life, and that is the one I choose. 

I?ve learned that everyone, without exception, is always giving love, or asking for love. There?s that simplicity again. If my boss speaks to me in anger, I know that he is not expressing love, so he must be asking for love. My choice is to return the attack, or choose a loving response. Which will bring peace into my life? So simple.

I?ve learned that when Jesus told me not to judge, he wasn?t joking. He really knew what he was talking about. He was very aware that there was no way I could know everything there was to know about each person involved, past, present and future. Without that information to work with, how could I make any kind of informed judgment? It was amazing to me how much smoother my life?s path became when I stopped trying to do what I am clearly not qualified to do. When I step back into that role of judge, it is exactly like stepping onto a rocky path, and I stumble.

While I could see that it was a mistake to judge the people in my life, it took a little longer to apply the non-judgment rule to everything else in my life. I just didn?t see that at first. Then I began to apply the same criteria to events. I don?t know what this event means in the long run.

At one time, I thought that I absolutely could not live if I didn?t have a certain man in my life. I judged that he was necessary to my happiness and that having him was a good thing. I was
wrong about that, but I couldn?t have made a clear judgment, because I couldn?t possibly know all that would happen as a result of my machinations to make this alliance possible.

I am learning to let life be what it is. I am learning not to judge what is happening, and instead, to seek peace no matter what seems to be happening. This, too, has made life simpler and happier. If my focus is peace instead of change, I am able to disengage from what is happening around me. One way I see this in action is through work. I used to think that when I got a new customer it was an exciting occasion. I judged that as good.

The thing is, if getting a new customer is good, what is losing a customer? So long as my goal is increasing my customer base, my peace is constantly at risk. Even when I get a new customer, my happiness is tainted with the fear of losing a customer. I can change my goal. I can decide that all I want is peace. I can stop judging each event as good or bad. When I am tempted to do so, I can give that judgment to the Holy Spirit. I can ask him for another way to see this. When I bring God into my life, I bring peace into my life.

I have learned that every seeming problem in my life is just a forgiveness lesson. It is an opportunity for me to practice forgiving. It doesn?t matter what seems to be happening, this is what it is for. When I hit those rocky places on my path, I ask myself what it is I need to forgive. Forgiveness is really simple; it is just a change of mind.

If I think you have done something to me, I forgive the idea that you have attacked me. Instead I allow the Holy Spirit to show me a different way to see this. I see your ?attack? as a call for love. The Holy Spirit may show me that you didn?t really do anything at all, and that I am actually seeing my fears reflected in your actions, and that is why I feel attacked. I forgive the picture I was holding of you, and this allows me to see the Christ that you are.

All paths lead to God. My choice is who I want to walk with. I can walk with the ego in fear, or I can walk with God in love. It makes no difference in reality, but in my experience it makes a world of difference. One brings me happiness and peace and the other leads me down a rocky and rough road; same road, different experience. When I walk the path of Love, God walks with me. When I walk a different path, God still walks with me, I just don?t know it.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Retroactive Forgiveness

I have talked about forgiveness more than once, but I want to revisit this idea again. Forgiveness is my purpose in life. It is what I do. Anytime I feel anything less than joy about whatever circumstances pop up, I know that I have before me another chance to forgive. It is through forgiveness that I am healed. If I have held onto a grievance, then that grievance has had time to play itself out through my body, and so when I forgive, I give my body a chance to heal. Holding a grievance affects my mind. It holds me prisoner to raging emotions; anger, fear, guilt, vengeance, despair.  Forgiveness frees me, and allows me to experience joy again.

I want to talk about retroactive forgiveness today. This is the idea that we can forgive today what has happened in the past and so be free of its effects. I have wasted a lot of time on regrets. I am sorry for things I have said and done in the past. I am burdened with grudges I hold against people for things they have done in the past. I want to clean up all of this detritus.

I have been keeping these grievances imprisoned in the dark cellar of my mind, bringing them up from time to time to reexamine; to revel in righteous anger, or to wallow awhile in guilty regrets. Now I am ready to ?clean up my act? as folks say.
Even the oldest unforgiving thought still affects my life, and so I want to be free of it. There is a most powerful passage from A Course in Miracles:    The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love. (T.26.IX.6.1) 

Forgiveness will do this for me. It will free my mind, it will create in my life the holiest of spots. Forgiveness works just as well on past regrets as it does on what is happening in my life today. It is never too late to forgive. It doesn?t matter how ancient the grievance. Nor does it matter at all how big or how small the unforgiveness. Each is just as destructive to my peace of mind. If I hold a grudge because my ex-husband said an unkind word to me, I have lost my peace. If I am angry because I think that someone has ruined my life, I have lost my peace. Either way, I have lost my peace.

To start the forgiveness process I must first understand what true forgiveness is. Most commonly we look at forgiveness as a mercy we bestow on someone who doesn?t deserve it. We say to ourselves that this person did something wrong, they don?t deserve my forgiveness because they truly wronged me, but I am a big person so I will go ahead and forgive them. It feels like I am sacrificing my own best interests so that this person can be forgiven.

I am going to use an old grievance I had held onto for a very long time as an example. Let?s look at it from the conventional view of forgiveness. About 30 years ago (yes, I have been dragging around this albatross for 30 years!) I worked for a doctor. He was a real horror to work for and eventually he just got to be too much. He was angry at me for quitting and held it against me.

While I did not like working for him, I did love working in a doctor?s office. I loved helping people, and I was good at it. When I applied for a similar job in another city, the doctor gave me a bad reference. I had done such a good job for him, and even after I quit, I came back on my own time and helped his new employee learn her job. I did not deserve the reference he gave me.  Because of the bad reference, I did not get the job I applied for, and I never tried for another job with a doctor.

Conventional wisdom holds that to forgive him for the bad reference would mean that first I recognize that he wronged me, and then I decide that, being the better person, I will let him off the hook for what he did. What happened is that I found I was not that good of a person. I resented what he said. He embarrassed me. He also kept me from a kind of job that I would have enjoyed and been good at. Every time I thought about him, I would feel a surge of anger. From time to time, I would bring out this old grievance so I could experience my righteous anger all over again. It sounds funny to say that I got something out of this-and that I somehow enjoyed my anger, but I must have because I kept doing it. For thirty years!

Whatever little satisfactions I get from replaying in my mind my little drama with the doctor, does not come without a cost. I can have my grievance, or I can have peace. I cannot have both. We tell ourselves that we can compartmentalize our anger but this isn?t true. Anger at anything, is going to spill over into other parts of our lives. If you happen to come into my life while I am reliving this particular drama, look out because the chances are good that my anger will spill over onto you. You say something to me and I snap at you. Later we are both left wondering what happened.

I have chosen for peace often enough now that I want peace all the time. I really miss my peace when I choose against it, so I want to truly forgive the doctor. I am no longer willing to give him my peace in exchange for anger no matter how righteous I think it is. Can I forgive him at this late date, I wondered? I doubt he is even alive now. But here?s the thing, it doesn?t matter when I forgive. It doesn?t matter if he is in his body to accept my forgiveness. Let?s face it; he isn?t interested in my forgiveness.

I am not forgiving him because he needs my forgiveness. In fact he lived on blissfully unaware that I harbored a grudge against him. In truth, it is only I that am prisoner to my grievances. Do I believe that he walked around burdened with this heavy guilt about how he wronged me? It is only I who struggle through life under the burden of my perceived grievances. I am not choosing forgiveness for his sake, but only for my self.

There are some things in life that seem so hard to forgive when we look at forgiveness in the way I just described. Well, no problem is so big that it can?t be solved by a good miracle, and what is more miraculous than a change of mind.

So, how do I change my mind? Before I pull anything up from the dark places in my mind to really look at it, I ask the Holy Spirit to look with me. The Holy Spirit brings light to my mind and that light shines away the darkness. If I try to look on my own, I only see what I remembered storing there. Nothing changes. I see his error, and my anger. I didn?t get vengeance in the moment and so I seek for it in my imagination. This is all I see.  With the light the Holy Spirit brings, I am able to see this differently.

Here is what the Holy Spirit showed me when we looked together. He showed me that the doctor didn?t really hurt me. He spoke some words. They were not true. That really happened, and it would be silly and ineffective to try to say it didn?t. But what he said is not what caused me pain. It is how I felt about what he said that was the problem.

There was something in his words that brought up for me a feeling of unworthiness. There was a part of me that believed I was guilty, if not of this, then of something. I didn?t want to feel guilty and unworthy, and I didn?t want to look at those feelings, so I projected them onto the doctor. There, now he is the guilty one. He is to blame for this bad feeling in me.

The problem is, as long as I think he is responsible for my feelings, I have given him all the control. He can keep me feeling bad about myself for 30 years. Forgiveness shows me that he is not guilty. He is not to blame for my feelings. Through the process of forgiveness, I am able to take complete responsibility for my feelings.

I also thought that the doctor robbed me of my future. I wanted to be part of a healing place and his bad reference kept me from doing this. The Holy Spirit also told me that I wound up exactly where I needed to be. I thought that the doctor prevented me from experiencing my destiny, but the Holy Spirit said that he put me on the road to my destiny, and that I owed him only thanks as I owe only thanks to all my brothers, without exception.

Through the process of forgiveness, I am able to give the belief system that supports unworthiness to the Holy Spirit for correction. Through the process of forgiveness, I am healed. I did not do the healing myself. All healing is of God. My part was to be willing to accept the gift of healing, and forgiveness was the way I did it. I traded my righteous anger for the peace of God. It was a good deal. I don?t miss that drama at all.

True forgiveness happens as I become willing to see this differently. I become willing to see that I chose to feel anger at his words and actions. I accept full responsibility for my own feelings and I stop trying to make them someone else?s fault. The process of forgiveness forgives, not the person or his actions, but rather it sees that it is only my perception of what happened that needs to be changed.

In the old way of perceiving forgiveness, I was making what the doctor did real, and then was trying to forgive it. It didn?t work. Through the miracle of true forgiveness, I recognize that he didn?t do anything to me, and I am forgiving the thought that he did, by seeing the situation differently.

Forgiveness is all inclusive. In order to experience the peace of God, I forgive everyone for whatever I thought they did to me. I make no exceptions. That is its beauty. I don?t have to take each instance and decide which is deserving of forgiveness. I don?t have to figure anything out. I love the absolutes, the ?nevers? and the ?always?; they take the guess work out of it. I already know that I want to forgive whatever the circumstances, I only need to bring God into the process and it is done.

So what I have learned about forgiveness is this:
1. Forgiveness is retroactive. It doesn?t matter how old the perceived wrong, it can be forgiven in the present moment.
2. Forgiveness is the way to peace. It is all inclusive and no one or thing gets left out. There is no place in my life where I will say everything else gets forgiven, but this one grievance I am holding onto.
3. Forgiveness is not about anyone else. It is about changing my own mind with the recognition that I alone am responsible for my feelings. I am always free to change my mind about how I feel about my grievances. I am always willing, with the Holy Spirit?s help, to see this differently.
4. And most important of all, I am not alone in this process. I give to it my willingness, and God does the rest. When I fail to accept forgiveness and have to repeat the process, I forgive myself and just get on with it. I do the process as often as I must in order to fully accept forgiveness.
5. And finally, as forgiveness becomes my goal, and the way I live, I live in peace.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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State of Fear

State of Fear

I have been reading the new novel by Michael Crichton, “A State of Fear.” The premise is that since the cold war ended, there has been a conspiracy to find new ways to keep people in a state of fear so that they can more easily be controlled. Examples would be global warming, thousands of ways we get cancer from our environment, etc.

My first thought was how easy we make it for them. We don’t need much of a conspiracy because we fall so quickly and so willingly into fear of every kind. I can’t see any way out of this except through A Course in Miracles. The hardest part of letting go of fear is that first step. I see that I am very afraid of something and I take that thought (because after all, it is only a thought even if it does seem hugely frightening) to the Holy Spirit and offer Him my willingness to see it differently. But like anything that scares me, it is hard to take my eyes off it. It is as if the boogey man will eat me up if I let my eyes stray from the danger. So sometimes I have to start out by giving the Holy Spirit what little willingness I have, and asking Him to fortify it. That works, too.

It does, indeed, seem that we live in a state of fear. Why do I so willingly accept fear each time it is offered to me? Some years ago there was a scare about apples. It was announced that apples are sprayed with something that causes cancer and people became afraid to eat them. There was a real run on organic apples in health food stores. I was getting caught up in the scare along with everyone else when someone pointed out that we need to be sane about this. He reminded us that we live longer and are healthier than people have ever been. He reminded me that I was in far more danger of being killed in a car wreck than I was of dieing from eating apples and he didn?t see me giving up driving. Why was I so willing to buy into the fear that the media was selling?

Could it be that I am responding to the deep seated, unconscious guilt that I have because I think I have sinned against God? Sin is the belief I have separated myself from God and so am no longer Love. The body is the proof that this is so and it is the way I play out sin. This state of fear I find myself in always revolves around the body. Without the body there would be no fear. Without the body, where would be my proof that I have sinned and so have something to fear?

How do I get free of this mindset? I have been taking Pathways of Light Course 915 and what I am learning is that I have a choice in the goal the body serves. The ego thought system is designed around the body serving fear, but I can choose to serve truth instead. Workbook page 419, P 2:6-7 says, ?Truth can be its aim as well as lies. The senses then will seek instead for witnesses to what is true.? One thing I have discovered is that it is very hard to seek for witnesses to truth if I keep my attention focused on lies. I don?t find truth on CNN, or watching endless replays of scary stories on the local updates. I get my news from the papers or off of the internet, and only periodically. I am then able to read only as much as I want to and am not as likely to get pulled into the drama.

In fact, I can use the news stories as practice for seeing the truth. An example of this would be instead of seeing President Bush as the antichrist trying to drag us into another Vietnam, I can see him as the holy Son of God that he is and recognize that he, like me, is just struggling to break free of the state of fear he has brought himself to.

Something else I read in Course 915, is that seeing that the separation never really happened and that our Identity in God is unchanged is what releases us from fear. The idea of Halloween is used to demonstrate how our belief in separation through bodies is just a game we frighten ourselves with. It reminded me of my child?s first participation in Halloween. She loved dressing up for Halloween, but when I put on my mask she was very frightened. I had to take it off and show her it was really me and that the mask didn?t change that. I had to do it several times before she really relaxed and was able to enjoy the fun of it.

This is what is happening to me. I wanted to play this game of being separate from God and imagining that living in a body made me separate from my brothers. It was the scary mask of pretend, but I got so involved in my play that I forgot it wasn?t real. I began to believe in the fearful idea that I could be separate from God, different from what He created me to be, and that He was mad at me for it.

The way I am learning to return to the truth is by being aware of what I am doing. I notice those thoughts that try to draw me into a state of fear. I look straight at them and ask the Holy Spirit to look with me. They seem so dark and so threatening when I look alone, but when the Holy Spirit looks with me, He shines the light of truth on them and the darkness is gone. I do this every time I am aware of fearful thoughts. It is like taking little small steps, but each step leads me out of the state of fear and into God?s loving arms.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Mother’s Day Sermon

MOTHER’S DAY SERMON

I was reading a list of questions and answers from kids about their mom and I loved this one. The child was asked:
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

I love being a mother. It is through being a mother that I have learned what it means to love unconditionally. There is nothing that my children could do that would make me love them any less. That is what unconditional means. I have absolutely no conditions on my love for my children. I have moments when I wonder at their sanity, moments when I would rather not be with them, moments when I don?t like what they are doing, but never a moment when I don?t love them.

Motherhood has not been a smooth road for me. I started the job when I was too young and immature. I seemed to have no natural aptitude for the work, and no training. Who would have thought that such a difficult and vital job would come with no manual and little guidance? All I had to go on was what my mom did, and she only had what she picked up from her mom.

Add to this that I and society in general, had placed some pretty unrealistic expectations on me. I was measuring myself against June Cleaver and it wasn?t a Leave it to Beaver world. I started out trying to be Beaver?s mom, but I didn?t feel like her, and I didn?t have her script writer. My kids didn?t seem to know their part either. I got really scared because I seemed to be failing and didn?t have a clue what to do about it. I did what I always did when I got scared and when I felt inadequate. I ran.

A few years later I tried again and did better because I was more mature and had begun to grow into my spiritual self-at least somewhat. I learned to love being a mom, and tried to do a really good job. I wasn?t a ?perfect mom? whatever that is, but I did the best I could. I still do. Just because my children are grown doesn?t make me less their mom. My job raising them is over, but my job of loving them continues.

I also understand that the Cleavers only live in TV re-runs, and no one does a perfect job as a parent. The most loving parents in the world make huge mistakes while raising their children. So what do we do with the mistakes? It is too late to fix them, if it were ever possible. We are left with this sometimes crushing guilt and no idea how to live with it.

Here is what th Holy Spirit helped me to understand. Just as I love my children unconditionally, my Father loves me unconditionally. God does not look at my life and think that I am unworthy because I have not lived perfectly. God does not stop loving me because I make mistakes, and that is comforting.

He helped me to understand that I am not here because I already know how to express the perfection that I was created to be, but rather I am here to learn I am God?s perfect creation. This world is my class room. I signed up for this curriculum. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to do. I am here to learn. Since everything I do teaches me something, I can?t really do anything wrong, I can only learn my lessons.

This is equally true for my children. They are here because this is the classroom they chose. I am exactly the mom they wanted, warts and all. We are here to give each other opportunities to learn unconditional love and total forgiveness. We are each others life time learning experience. We have not been thrust upon each other as some kind of Divine punishment or Divine indifference. We are with each other for a Divine purpose, a Divine purpose that we are in on and that we gladly agreed to.

Sometimes the mother who brought us into the world, is not the mother who will raise us. This is not a mistake. There are no mistakes in the Divine Plan.
...“Remember that no one is where he is by accident, and chance plays no part in God’s plan.’”  ACIM-M.26
We are always with the person we are supposed to be with. Sometimes we need to be born to someone, and that is all we need from that person. In that case, we can thank that person, even if it is only in our thoughts, for birthing us, and then move on with the rest of our lessons.  It is not necessary to see this as a loss or as an attack. We can forgive these thoughts and gain our freedom from the prison of our grievances. And believe me, our grievances do imprison us.

That?s the big picture. Now there is another level I must work on while I am here in this place that is not my home. On a day to day basis, I take action-or not, and there seem to be consequences. I am angry at my boss and so when I get home, I yell at my son. I see the look of hurt in his eyes and I feel guilty. I know that I have fallen short of being that perfect mom. I know that I have hurt the one I love.

How do I deal with that? What do I do with all this accumulated guilt? As I bury myself under more and more guilt, I feel separated from my Father and from everyone else. Because I have judged myself and believe that I am guilty, I start to believe that God has judged me and found me guilty. Thinking I am separate from God is hell. Thinking that my mistakes have made me separate from God, I think I am in hell.

But no matter how guilty and fearful I feel, there is a place in me that knows this can?t be true. God created me good, and there is no power that can undo what God has done. My little errors cannot affect God?s Work. I can only think I am flawed. But it is just a thought. It is not reality.

So, how do I get out from under the burden of guilt I have accumulated in this world? First, I realize that there is no value in guilt. I will gain nothing good by feeling guilty. Guilt is only destructive. It is the barrier that keeps me from seeing that I am His precious child. It is the barrier that keeps me from experiencing the peace and the joy that God intended for His children.

In this world, however, it is hard not to pick up guilt as we go. The trick is learning to relinquish it. Just because we accepted guilt doesn?t mean we have to keep it. What does Jesus tell us about this?  ?These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.? John 16:33 As I place my faith in Jesus, I am able to release the guilt I have used to imprison myself. I can be free. I am meant to be free. God wants me to be free. It is freedom that I came here to learn and to teach.

I have a little process I use to help me release guilt. I was at a Course in Miracles conference recently and there was a deaf student who had interpreters using sign language to help her understand what was going on. A friend showed me the sign for release. I hold out my left hand, palm up and fingers facing away from my body. I then place my right hand on my left in the same position, but palm down. Then I move my right hand across my left hand. This is sign for release. Incidentally, it is also sign for forgive.

Now when I sense feelings of guilt, or when I notice a thought that leads to guilt, I do the sign for release with the intention of releasing the guilty thought to the Holy Spirit so that He can correct it for me. I am forgiving myself. God will never take from me my guilt if I really want it. But, as soon as I am willing to release it, it is gone. Sometimes I have to do this more than once because, while I want to be free of the bad feeling, I sometimes feel reluctant to entirely relinquish my guilt. I hold stubbornly to that which causes me pain. But, as A Course in Miracles says, my tolerance for pain may be high, but it is not without limit.

There is another part to this. To experience God?s forgiveness, I must forgive. The reason for this is because I learn what I teach. If I teach you (through my words and actions) that you are guilty, then I am teaching myself that I am guilty, too. If you can be guilty for your mistakes, then I must be guilty for mine as well. On the other hand, if I see that you are not your mistakes, that your mistakes are only something that you did, and that you are really my brother who is doing the best that he can, then I can see that I am not my mistakes and that I am doing the best that I can. If I can see that you have nothing to be guilty about, then I can believe that I have nothing to be guilty about. I can?t have one without the other. I can?t make you guilty and at the same time forgive myself.

I must forgive not only myself, but everyone else including my mother. My mom taught me what love is. She loved me completely and unconditionally. I never doubt that. But, like me, she came here to learn her own lessons.  In the course of her lessons, she taught me stuff that I have spent my life unlearning. She made mistakes, many of which affected me. I spent a lot of time being angry for some of those things, resenting my life as her daughter, resenting her for not being a better mother. Heck, I still get angry that she named me Myron!

In truth, though, she and I signed up for this curriculum. We signed up to be in the same classroom. We wanted to learn these lessons together, and what I know, is that we are exactly where we should be, doing exactly what we need to be doing. I have nothing to resent. My mom is sharing her lessons with me. I learn from her errors just as I learn from my own. There are no exceptions to this, no matter how big the error seems. I owe her only gratitude for her part in my spiritual growth, both the part that seemed painful and the part that seemed comforting.

My mom has Alzheimer. Her brain has short circuited, so I don?t know if she will understand when I tell her I love and appreciate her, and that finally I forgive us both for our errors. Probably she won?t. Love though, is never lost because Love is God, and God never changes or is lost. The love and gratitude I feel for her will be saved and will be waiting for her when she is released from her malfunctioning body. I love you Mom, and finally I understand that you are not the fallible human being I thought you were. Finally I understand that you are a perfect child of God sent to teach me that I am a perfect child of God. Thanks, Mom. 

 

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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II’S AN INSIDE JOB

ITS AN INSIDE JOB

There was a man who was stranded on a desert island for many, many years. One day, while strolling along the beach, he spotted a ship in the distance. This had never happened in all the time he was on the island, so he was very excited about the chance of being rescued.

Immediately, he built a fire on the beach and generated as much smoke as possible. It worked! Soon, the ship was heading his way. When the ship was close enough to the island, a dinghy was dispatched to investigate the situation. The man on the island was overjoyed with the chance to be rescued and met his saviors as they landed.

After some preliminary conversation the man in charge asked the man on the island how he had survived for so many years. The man replied by telling of his exploits for food and how he was able to make a fine house to live in. In fact, the man said, “You can see my home from here. It?s up there on the ridge.”

He pointed the men in the direction of his home. They looked up and saw three buildings. They inquired about the building next to the man?s house and he replied, “That?s my church - I go there to worship on Sundays.”

When asked about the third building, the man replied, “That?s where I used to go to church.”

We laugh at this fellow because we recognize in him someone we have known, and perhaps see our self in some way. Some folks are quick to change churches if the one they are in doesn?t seem to be doing the job for them. Perhaps they are looking for the church that will make them feel safe. They want to think that salvation is within their grasp and so they go to the church that promises to deliver. They soon move on because they find that they don?t feel anymore saved at this one than they did at the last one. Well good luck to them, because they aren?t going to find what they seek in a church. Salvation is an inside job.

This isn?t something we are always comfortable looking at. We are a people looking for a quick fix in all areas of our lives. If we have a pain, we go to the doctor and get him to prescribe a pill for it. Too fat? Look for the magic diet that will take that extra weight off in 90 days, just in time for this years new bathing suits. There?s no problem finding one; every magazine on the stand promises the diet to end all diets right there within their covers. And guess what, follow their diet and you can lose weight without effort, without sacrifice, without exercise! If that isn?t easy enough, Walmart has an entire isle devoted to pills that will do the job for you, sometimes while you sleep! Depressed? No problem, there?s a pill for that, too. Child too rambunctious? Give him a pill. Doing drugs? Just say no. Life not working? Ask Dr. Phil for a quick 10 minute fix. He does it on Oprah all the time.

But guess what. There isn?t a quick fix for what ails us. I?m not going to give it to you in a 15 minute sermon, or even a two hour sermon. You can?t buy it at Walgreens and you can?t get it from a psychologist, not even a celebrity psychologist. Changing churches won?t make us feel better and neither will changing the circumstances of our lives. What is wrong in our lives isn?t out there at all.  What we see as wrong in our lives, what we see as the circumstances of our lives, is just a reflection of what is wrong in our minds. It is a reflection of our wrong- minded thinking.

I created my life as I see it today. The building blocks are my beliefs and if I don?t like the structure I have made, then I am going to have to change my beliefs. I wish there were just a shot I could take, or a magic incantation that I could utter and everything would be different. But that?s not how it works. I have wasted too much of my life trying to fix the effect, while leaving the cause in place. This makes no sense. It is time for a change that will really make a difference.

Joy and peace are the natural state of God?s children. So what happened to me? Where is my joy and peace and how do I get back to them. God, in His infinite love and mercy, placed within me a Guide Who will help me get to the life I am intended to live. Once I give up on the quick fix, and once I quit trying to build this structure from the top down, I can start my real work.

Please let me make a suggestion. If you are unhappy in your relationship, stop trying to make your partner into someone who can make you happy. If you want a strong and fulfilling relationship, your work isn?t in the other person. Begin your work in yourself. No one can make you happy and no one can make you unhappy. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a state of being. And happiness can be achieved only within yourself. It is your thoughts that create one state or the other, so if you are unhappy in your relationship the change must begin with your thoughts.

I must be psychic because I hear a question from you. What good is changing my thoughts, changing myself, if my partner is going to remain the same? How can this change the relationship? It takes two to make a relationship, doesn?t it? Well, this is the really neat thing about it. If you change your beliefs and thus change yourself, the relationship will change.

Stop wasting your time trying to place blame outside yourself. You might build a great case for your misery being someone else?s fault, but you won?t make yourself one bit happier in doing so. You will simply reinforce the idea that you are powerless. Keep the responsibility for your happiness within you where you have absolute control. In changing your own mind and teaching yourself to live in joy and peace, you will necessarily influence those around you. Your model of self-love will touch all of us deeply. Your inner work will infect the quantum field which will create a change in the physical world. Your life will change. Your relationship will change.

This is the only way to affect real change in your life. Anything else you do will only shuffle around what is already there. You may make a different design that you prefer over the old, but eventually it will prove itself to be as comfortless as the past design.  So how do we make real change? How do we know how to change our thoughts and which beliefs will work? What if we choose new beliefs and they are as ineffective as the ones we have already tried?

This is where God comes to the rescue. This is why He placed within us His Own Voice to gently whisper to us the truth we seek. This Voice for God, the Holy Spirit, will correct our thinking and heal our minds. We only need to be willing to hear a new way. Here is our only part in the process: We need to be mindful of thoughts that do not serve us, and we need to give these thoughts to the Holy Spirit to correct. This will not happen without our active participation because God will not force our happiness on us. He will wait patiently for us to recognize that joy is our will as it is God?s Will.

Remember the passage in the Bible that says seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be open? Well notice that it doesn?t say just stand there and wait for something to happen. First we must knock because God so loves us that He honors our free will. He so trusts us that He knows it is inevitable that we will recognize our will is His Will. How much time will it take us? I don?t know. How much pain can you endure? Your pain is self inflicted, and will not be relieved until you choose differently.

This is not complicated. It is very simple. You have two voices within you. You have your ego voice. This is the voice that got you into this mess in the first place. You may want to reconsider listening to it in the future. It hasn?t worked out so well thus far. This is the voice that assures you your problems are someone else?s fault. It is enticing because it invites you to believe that the blame lies outside of you. If you lose your job, the ego?s voice comforts you with the thought that it is the economy. If you speak harshly to your children, your ego voice says that they drove you to it. It is their own fault. In other words, the problems are not yours, they are outside you where you have no control over them, there is nothing you can do to change things, so sit back, do nothing and suffer. That is your lot in life.

If you are the sort that is not willing to just sit back and take it, the ego has another story line. He tells you that you need to get off your duff and start making changes. If the people at your church don?t seem to appreciate your attitude, find another church with a more discerning membership. If your boss doesn?t like your work, find a new job. It has lot?s of advice like, eat less, exercise more, stop smoking, buy new furniture, change the color of your hair, have another drink, another toke, another relationship, a new best friend. Change the flavor, color, design of your life. Switch everything around because if it looks different, maybe it will be different.

This ego voice tells you that if your relationships aren?t working, if your partner is making you miserable, you need to fix her. Explain to her what is wrong with her; what is wrong with her behavior. Help her see the error of their ways. Make her listen to you with unfailing logic, with manipulation, with force. Make bargains with her. If you loved me, you would do this. If you want me to love you, you must do that. Oh yeah, that has worked really well in the past.

Or you can listen to the other Voice. You can bring your problems to God. You can bring your unhappiness and your lack of peace to your Father and ask for help in understanding what you need help in changing. Give Him your thoughts about work and the boss you can?t get along with. Give Him your thoughts about ungrateful children, uncooperative partners. Search your mind for the thoughts behind the emotional upheavals in your life and ask your Father for another way to see this.

How do you know which voice you are hearing? Is the voice harsh? Is it demeaning? Does the voice place blame? Does it berate, enforce guilt, and deflate your hope? Does the voice suggest you are special in ways other children of God are not? Does it tell you about your mistakes? Does it warn you of dangers and increase your fear? This is not God?s Voice.

God?s Voice is always quiet and gentle. His Voice speaks of love and brings comfort with it. He reminds you of your innate holiness and your perfection. He speaks of your brother with the reverence a blessed child of God deserves. He sees only innocence and speaks to you only of unity. He knows that all of us are special in the same way, and one is not greater than or lesser than another. He knows that you have never done anything wrong in your life; that all of your circumstances are here for the purpose of your personal growth, and He knows that you have met each challenge in the best way that you possibly could have at that moment.

If the ego?s voice seems always to be the voice that you hear first and is always the loudest voice, it is only because it speaks from a place of desperation, and out of fear and uncertainty. If the temptation to listen to that voice is strong, it is only because you have made a habit of doing so. Like any habit, it will require consistent effort on your part to make a change. If you have ever tried to break a bad habit, you know how much work is required of you. It doesn?t usually happen overnight. However, as you do the work, the rewards for your effort, the peace and joy you feel, will be the motivation to continue the work. Like any other new skill, the more often you practice it, the easier it becomes.

There are only two voices. Which will you listen to? One will bring you confusion and unhappiness; the other will bring love and joy into your life. You can have either one. You can choose the fruitless work of trying to change the effects of your thoughts, trying to change the world outside of you. Or, you can choose instead, to work with God on your inner self where the only real change can be affected. Each moment of your life provides an opportunity to choose anew.

 

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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From 920: Being a Miracle Worker

From 920: Being a Miracle Worker

How my life is becoming less complex and agitated as I let go of the separated world belief.

Now when something seems to disturb my world, I sooner or later (and more often sooner) see the disturbance not as something to fix or to regret, but something to forgive. Recognizing that everything is for forgiveness makes all of it very simple.

I was thinking this morning that I needed something I don’t have. Then I thought that if I do indeed need this in my life, it will be in my life. I give the illusion of need to the Holy Spirit. He knows what I need, and will supply all things that will not hurt me. If there is something I need to do, I will be told.

I was thinking how this applies to my body. I have been having trouble applying this principal to my desire for a certain body image because I did not want to surrender my control of this situation. So it felt very complicated with lots of issues. I would become agitated, feeling angry and guilty, and then fearful when my attempt to control went awry.

As I begin to loosen my grip on this situation, I feel lighter. I welcome peace into my life. When I again experience the need to control the outcome, I lose my peace. It’s all a matter of trust. I’ve been thinking that I don’t trust the Holy Spirit to take care of this. What I meant was, I don’t trust the Holy Spirit to manipulate form in the way that I want Him to. I don’t trust the Holy Spirit to make form important in the way that I think it is.

What the Holy Spirit is telling me is that I can trust Him to show me that form doesn’t matter; that it is meaningless. My job is to release the need for a certain outcome.

I was thinking of a time when my little one climbed up a little too high, and when he tried to get down, his feet didn’t touch the floor. He was so frightened and panicky. I told him that it was OK, that I would catch him, and that he could just let go. He desperately wanted down, but was afraid to release his grip. It seemed silly to me because I knew how little danger he was in, but it was very frightening to him.

That’s how I feel sometimes as I learn to relinguish my illusions. But just as my child took that leap of faith and trusted me, I am learning to do the same and put my trust in God. After the first time my son trusted me and he saw that it was OK, it became easier and easier to trust me in subsequent emergencies.

Again I see a parallel here. That is just how I’ve built my trust as I’ve gone through the Course. The first time I released my grip on illusions, it felt like free-falling in space, but then everything was alright. In fact, everthing was better. With each small relinquishment it becomes easier, and as the contrast between peace and chaos becomes more obvious, my motivation becomes stronger.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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