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The Peace of God Is All I Want

The Peace of God Is All I Want

What value do you place on your peace of mind? I think sometimes I sell my peace too cheaply. How many times have I traded my peace for anger that I thought was justified? How many times have I walked away from a peaceful mind so that I could wallow in self pity? How many times have I decided I would rather stay in fear than be peaceful. I had reason to think about this the other day.

I had been shopping at Albertsons and when I presented my check to pay for my groceries, they turned it down. The cashier explained to me that they use a service to cut down on bad checks, and that service advised them not to take mine. I must have looked totally shocked, because she reassured me that it was probably a mistake and these mistakes happen all the time. I paid for my groceries with a credit card and went home.

On the drive home I kept telling myself that there was no way I could have made such a big mistake with my account that it didn?t have money in it, and that it has been many years since I bounced a check, so that couldn?t be it. Why then did they turn me down? It had to be a mistake I reasoned, but what if it wasn?t? What if someone had taken a checkbook and was using it to finance their vacation? What if someone had stolen my identity? Finally, I gave it all over to God, and felt reassured.

I thought I was pretty calm about it by the time I reached the house. I checked my bank account over the internet and saw that all my money was still there. Then I called the company that denied my check and told them what happened. After asking a lot of personal questions they finally admitted it was an error on their part, and apologized. What I realized was that I had not entirely released this whole thing. I was still upset. I was angry at that company for the embarrassment and inconvenience it had caused me. I was not mean to the woman on the phone, but neither was I kind to her.

After I had hung up, I felt bad that I had been so sharp with her. After all it was not her fault this happened. I wanted to call Albertson?s and give them a piece of my mind. If this company makes mistakes, why were they using them? I wanted someone to be at fault. I wanted someone to take responsibility for this error. I wanted someone to blame.

Suddenly, I stopped what I was doing and asked the Holy Spirit to look at this with me. He showed me that I had given away my peace. I didn?t like the way I felt. I didn?t like being out of peace. The Holy Spirit helped me to see that I was trying to make myself feel better by making it someone else?s fault and then insisting that they fix it. He also helped me to see that this would never work. If I make my peace, or lack of it, someone else?s responsibility I would forever be dependent on forces outside of myself for my happiness.

What became clear to me was that this was a big mistake. The only way I could be sure of having peace was to take responsibility for it in every circumstance. It was so tempting to blame the check cashing company for my unhappiness. After all, they made the mistake that caused my upset, didn?t they? And what about Albertson?s? Weren?t they culpable as well? Didn?t their decision to hire an incompetent company figure in my loss of peace?

I could see that I was very angry about this. I wondered why I was so angry and the Holy Spirit helped me to see that I was feeling attacked. He led me to a course I took through Pathways of Light that talked about understanding attack. Here is how they explain it.

You build a house with your beliefs. It is your mental construction, your mental house (your state of consciousness).

When someone doesn?t agree with your mental house, you may feel that they are trying to attack it, which stimulates a need to build a fence around the house to protect against attack.

You can come from another perspective to see that when someone attacks your house, they are merely reflecting their belief about the house you are identifying with.

You can see it as an attack or merely a reflection of their belief.

It doesn?t have to be looked at as an attack.

OK now, I see that this is exactly what happened to me. I had a mental construct in which I saw myself as a person who didn?t write hot checks; as a person who is trustworthy. It was important to me that I be seen as the kind of person who has enough money to cover the cost of my groceries. Perhaps because this wasn?t always true about me, that image did not feel unassailable, so I felt a strong need to defend it. So, when I was told that they did not trust my check, I felt attacked. I felt like they were attacking my mental house. I wanted to defend that house.

Holy Spirit was helping me to see this differently. The clerk at the store and the woman who worked for the check cashing company were reflecting their belief about my check. Even if they carried it further and saw me as a person who would pass a bad check, they were still just reflecting their belief about me. I don?t have to own this belief, do I? I can choose to see this not as an attack on who I am, but just as a reflection of something these people think.

Did they take my peace? No one can take my peace unless I am willing to give it to them. My peace is my responsibility. Nothing anyone says or does to me can touch my peace unless I willingly allow it. As soon as I realized that peace is not a result of what happens to me, but is a decision I make, all of the anger went away. I realized in that moment, that I would rather have peace of mind, than have someone to make guilty. It was a simple choice. Choose for guilt, blame, and anger, or choose for peace, joy and happiness. Choose to listen to God?s Voice or choose to listen to my own little ego.

After I got clear of the anger, I could see how foolish my first choice had been. What good would choosing to place blame have done? It could not have changed what happened. It could only rob me of my joy, and of the chance to be a teacher for God. I wished I had made that decision earlier, I could have saved myself all that worry. I could have been a teacher of God when I spoke to that woman on the phone. Still, I managed to stop the ego insanity long enough to hear the Holy Spirit speak to me. I heard him remind me that I could have had peace instead of this. At least I was able to use this opportunity to strengthen my spiritual muscles.

I was talking about this to a good friend and she told me about an incident that happened with her. She was having an argument with her husband when suddenly in a sane moment, she was able to say, ?No, I don?t want this.? She was able to say to her husband that she wanted peace instead. Saying it out loud allowed them to break the cycle of attack and defend. From there they were able to change their focus from one of blame and guilt to one of problem solving. She was able to see, just for a moment, that peace was her real goal, and in that moment she chose for God, and God responded to her call.

What a gift we give ourselves when we choose peace.  It is also a gift to everyone else as well. As we allow God to lift us higher up the ladder, we are doing this for our brothers as well. They too, are lifted up that ladder. Being a teacher for God isn?t always about what you say. Your example in the face of a crisis is teaching. During the recent hurricane I heard about a man with a camp ground who offered through his local radio stations, openings for campers with all the amenities-free of charge for those who were fleeing the hurricane. This man is a teacher of God. He is extending God?s Love and is teaching others to do the same through the example of his life. In the stress and anxiety of dealing with catastrophe, He was an island of peace; a reminder that we are comforted and loved, and one of God?s own.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with problems and find it difficult to choose peace instead. Or I will choose peace and then find myself picking up the problems again. When this happens, I may need to take some time out and ask for help. There is a process that I find helpful. Perhaps you, too, could use a way to clear your mind and give the Holy Spirit an invitation to heal your thoughts. Why don’If we try this process right now.

Get comfortable in your chair, close your eyes and relax. ?Envision yourself in the basket of a hot air balloon, sitting on the ground. Jesus is standing with you in the basket. You can see the blue sky above you, and other balloons drifting among the clouds. You wonder why you can?t join them. Looking down at your feet, you see all around you in the basket the concerns of the day… . You imagine that you can pick up one of those concerns, and you hold it up to the light. ?You and Jesus look at the problem, and in his love and acceptance you watch as that problem seems to shrivel up and turn to dust.

Choose another problem, or perhaps a guilty secret, a depressing moment of regret, an offending personality. Do you see some fear thoughts, some anxiety provoking situations?Whatever you find hiding in the dark at your feet, I invite you to bring into God?s comforting Light. ?.As you give this over to Jesus as well, he smiles gently and shows you that it, too is nothing as it dries to dust and blows away. ?As you continue to give Jesus all of your burdens, you notice that without the weight of these problems, your balloon is lifting into the sky. You are lifted and held aloft by God?s Love.

As you revel in the delight of this gentle flight, Jesus places his arm around your shoulders. He lets you know that the peace of God is always yours for the asking. He asks if you have a question that you need to voice, and assures you that you will receive an answer in a way you can hear and understand. Ask your question now, and wait with Jesus for an answer. ?.When you are ready, gently return your attention to the room around you.

Here is what I have learned about peace.
1. No one can take my peace. I can lose it only if I voluntarily give it up.
2. Peace is not about what happens around me. Peace is a decision I make.
3. I can always have peace because this is what God wants for me.
4. I choose peace when I choose the Voice for God over the voice of the ego.
5. Living in peace is my gift to my brother. It is the way I teach for God.
6.        The peace of God is all I want.

As long as I am in this world I will be faced with distractions, with people who feel the need to attack, with fearful situations, because that is what the world is. I do have a choice though, about how I respond to this. I can choose to spread strife and unhappiness, or I can choose to give the gift of peace. It is up to me. Regardless of what is happening in my life, I can decide that the peace of God is all I want. I can quit selling my peace cheaply. I set my intention, right this moment, to choose peace and I invite you to join me in that choice. I choose the peace of God.

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Grain of Mustard Seed

A Grain of Mustard Seed

For most of my life, I thought that only what I did mattered. It never occurred to me that what I thought had any effect on my life. Over the years I have come to understand that what I do is a direct result of what I think. The thought always comes first. I also became aware of how powerful my thoughts are.  Mathew 17:20 quotes Jesus as saying that, ?If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you?. Let?s think about that for a moment. how do we express that faith? It is through our thoughts. Our thoughts may lead to action, but the thought must come first. Since our faith moves mountains, it follows that there is great power in our thoughts.

I must ask myself: Where do I place my faith? Do I have faith that I am as God created me? Do I have faith that I am created in God?s image; that I am like God, that I am good, and that I am all that this implies? I would have to be faithful to the image of myself as a perfect child of God created in His image and like Him if I am to believe that I can move mountains through my faith.

Or have I placed my faith in something entirely different? Have I placed my faith in my ego, that little self that I made to take the place of the perfect child God created me to be? Am I placing my faith in the image I made that shows me a sad, pathetic, and angry being, weighted with an intolerable burden of guilt and fear? 

To know where my faith is, I have only to examine my thoughts. I look at some of the thoughts around my sense of worthiness, for example, and I see that often I am unsure that I am worthy, and at times I am certain that I am unworthy. For instance, when I first decided to dedicate my life to being a teacher for God, I was overwhelmed with uncertainty and doubt. I felt I was not worthy.

My thoughts were influenced by what I learned as a child, by things people in authority have said to me, and by times I seemed to have failed and have let that seeming failure convince me that I must be unworthy. I say, seeming failure, because often those times that seemed to be a step back, turned out to be the very thing that helped me to grow. I have learned not to judge what happens to me. I guess this is a place in my life where my faith is stronger.

When I decided to become a minister, my thoughts went something like this: ?I must be out of my mind. Why would I think I could do this? Who am I to think I can help others when I have trouble helping myself??  Well, you get the picture. Perhaps you too have experienced this kind of thinking when you contemplated something new in your life. Maybe you understand how I felt.

If ever I needed my faith to be strong, it was at this time in my life. So, I asked myself, ?What do these thoughts mean? What is the belief I am holding that created these thoughts?? I obviously believed that I was unworthy of great things. I believed that I was different than God created me; not really like Him, not really good. I believed that some people are worthy of this, but certainly not me. I believed that I would fail. I believed that other people would disapprove and that they would be expecting me to fail.

Now I had a choice. I could support these beliefs, or I could choose to believe something else. I read a quote by Alan Cohen. It said, ?Agreement is powerful, and creates the reality you experience. Take care what you agree on, with whom, and why.? I could agree with these thoughts, these beliefs, if I chose to. But I had better be careful because my agreement is very powerful. My thoughts are a direct reflection of my faith and Jesus was very clear about the power of my faith wasn?t he?

I could choose, instead, to put my faith elsewhere. Since I am standing here before you, following my guidance to be a teacher for God, I obviously chose to place my faith in God?s vision of me. I asked Holy Spirit to help me see my thoughts of unworthiness differently. He showed me that I was mistaking arrogance for humility. He showed me that when I think I can make myself different from what God created, that is true arrogance.

After all, what am I saying when I see myself as unworthy? I am saying, ?God, I know that you think you created me in your own image and that you declared me good, but I have decided differently. I have decided that I will be something else.? Sounds insane doesn?t it? But, I do it all the time. No wonder I have a lot of fear and guilt to deal with. I think I am in competition with God over who I am.

The truth is that I am as God created me and I am not what I thought I had made of myself. Lesson 93 says this: Whatever evil you think you did, you are as God created you. Whatever mistakes you made, the truth about you is unchanged. Creation is eternal and unalterable. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. You are and will forever be exactly as you were created. Light and joy and peace abide in you because God put them there.

The Holy Spirit, Who is the Voice for God, went on to let me know that I can easily change my mind about this. I don?t have to do anything to make myself worthy. That was done by God in my creation. I only have to be vigilant against those thoughts which suggest a reality not in line with God. Then I take those thoughts to God and ask that they be corrected. Who I am is God?s perfect child, and that cannot be changed no matter what I think. However, I can think I have changed this and my belief in it makes the change seem real.

This world is full of small ego thoughts which bombard me constantly. Wall Street wants me to think that I am so vulnerable that using the wrong deodorant is going to be my undoing. The fashion industry would like me to think that no one will like me if my clothes are out of fashion. Television commercials constantly try to convince me that if I am not sick at this very minute, I soon will be and I need to buy some of their magic potions to protect myself.

Well meaning friends suggest that there is something wrong with my spiritual life because it isn?t like everyone else?s.  If I say that I am God?s perfect child created in His image and that nothing I can say or do will change what God created, they gently (or not so gently) suggest I am deluded, or worse.

If someone treats me unkindly and I choose to see it as a call for love instead of attack, someone is sure to tell me that I should be angry and that I should defend myself. When Susan was younger she asked me to go bungee jumping and I said yes. Some people looked at me like I was either nuts or irresponsible. I saw it as an act of faith; they saw it as foolish.

I know many people who are in twelve step programs. Some of them think of themselves as weak and as failures. I look at them in awe. I can hardly believe the power and strength it takes to do what they have done. It heartens me when I am feeling weak, to think of these friends and know that if they can overcome their addictions, I can do what I need to do. Some people have moved mountains in their lives and don?t even know that is what they have done.

I have a friend, another minister, who invited me to share in his joy at celebrating his 35th year sober. He says that he tells fellow substance addicts, that ?we are not weak-kneed impotent wimps but that we are very powerful and spiritually advanced beings.? I agree with him. I cannot imagine anyone who has gone through this as being weak. What strength it takes to do this! I have a friend who gets on the wagon only to fall off. She has done this repeatedly. Is she a failure? Good grief, no! What incredible strength it takes to keep trying even though everything in your life, and most people, are telling you that you can?t do it. Where does this strength come from? It was given you in your creation. It comes from your Father.

Everywhere we turn someone is saying we lack, we are vulnerable, we are weak, we are guilty. It takes great effort on our part to remain strong in our faith. It would be impossible except that it is God?s Will that we be as He created us, and therefore we have powerful help.

Archimedes said, Give me one firm thought upon which to stand, and I will move the earth. Well, my one firm thought is that I am as God created me. I hold to that one firm thought. I use it as a measuring stick against which I judge all other thoughts. If I find myself thinking that I can?t possibly succeed at something, I ask myself if God created me to fail. If I am afraid of anything, I ask myself if God created me fearful.  If I feel guilty because of something I said or did, I ask myself if God created me guilty.

The nay sayers will insist that I need fear to keep me from getting hurt and that I need guilt to keep me from behaving badly, and that I am being arrogant to think I am worthy of success. But I say to them, that my Father is God. The only thing I need is faith in Him. I don?t need to be afraid to protect myself. I only need to practice taking everything to God and following His guidance. That is true protection. I don?t need guilt to keep me from doing what is wrong. If I make a mistake, I take that to God for correction and let Him heal the thoughts that caused me to make the mistake. There is no need for guilt.

So, how much faith do I need to do this? How much faith does it take to fly in the face of convention? How much faith does it take to believe I am exactly as God created me? How much faith does it take to change the way I have thought all my life? It takes the faith of a grain of mustard seed. I believe, (even if my faith is small,) I believe that I can, and my faith will be bolstered by Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, by the angels. Heaven will send me all the help I need.

So, how do I go about making this change? It?s as simple as one, two, three. One, I become aware of my thoughts. Two, I take the false, mistaken thoughts to God for healing. Three, I feel the gratitude and comfort of knowing God is there for me and loves me and wants only the best for me. It isn?t hard or complicated. It just takes practice. Sure, at first it seemed strange and even impossible, but the more often I do it, the more natural it becomes and the more quickly I see my life change for the better.

Perhaps moving mountains seems more dramatic, but changing my life for the better is far more satisfying. And surely, there are times when the first seems no more out of reach than the other. But I am steadfast in my determination and persistence. I have faith, and I practice that faith, and I enjoy the fruits of that faith. Can all of you experience the joy of being as God created you? I know you can. I have faith!

 

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Letter to My Son: Keeping Life Simple

A Letter to My Son
Subject: Keeping Life Simple
                                                                    August 8, 2004

Dear Toby,

I was trying to explain to you what I mean when I say I keep my spiritual life simple. I don?t think I made myself clear during our discussion, and would like to try again in this letter. Writing how I feel about something is much easier for me. Writing affords the opportunity to take words back that you can never have in real time. It also allows me the luxury of expressing myself in a thoughtful manner which I cannot do when we speak face to face.

All decisions I make are very simple when I realize that all things are forgiveness lessons. That is what everything is for, an opportunity to forgive. No matter what form my problems may take, no matter how complicated the situation may seem, forgiveness is the answer. Forgiveness is achieved through the Holy Spirit. As soon as I identify a situation as an opportunity to forgive, I bring it to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help me to see it differently. I ask Him to heal my thoughts.

I started thinking about simplicity in my life when I began to realize that complexity is the way the ego distracts me from what is real. For instance, when I start thinking about my body size and shape, the ego quickly makes it seem like a very complex problem. There is what I eat; is it something that makes me gain weight? And, according to what expert? Which diet is really good for me? Which of the many diets offered will really work and of those, which will work for me? The experts can?t decide so how am I going to make a decision?

Then there is my metabolism. Different bodies seem to burn off calories at different rates. And, to further complicate the situation, our bodies experience a change in this rate as they grow older. So, what worked for a good part of my life, no longer does.

That is just the beginning. I haven?t even started on the psychology of weight loss and gain. How much am I affected by what my mom taught me through her experience of this problem?  She deeply impressed the idea that my weight is a deciding factor in who I am, and how people will think of me. I don?t think this is what my mom meant to teach me, but that is what I learned from her. And on goes the questioning..

Toby, you can see how complicated things get when you listen to the ego voice. The ego varies its rules as it needs to so it is hard to get a grip on anything it tells you. The one rule that never changes is this:You will seek and not find. You will try, but never succeed. The seeming complexity of everything in the illusion was made for this purpose. You can see how effective it is in distracting us from what really matters. And, in fact, it is very effective in keeping us from knowing what does matter. I have been so busy trying to achieve weight control that I have completely lost sight of what is meaningful.

This is why I strive for simplicity in my life. I have a purpose, a holy purpose, given me by God. My purpose in this life is to forgive. That is what everything is for. This keeps everything simple. If I am struggling with a weight issue, and I remember my purpose, then I know that what I am meant to do is to forgive.

Forgiveness is a matter of overlooking, or looking past an issue to the truth behind it. I don?t know what the truth is. If I did, I wouldn?t have anything to forgive. If I try to figure it out on my own, I will just wind up back in the ego trap of complexity. Instead, I ask the Holy Spirit for healing. I offer only my willingness to see it differently. That is my part, and my only part. I keep it simple.

Any time I find myself confused about something that is happening in my life, or uncertain what to do, I know that I am listening to the ego.  When that happens I take the whole thing to the Holy Spirit, and ask that He heal my thoughts around the issue. I usually start with my emotions because I am often not immediately sure what the thoughts are. For instance, let us consider my problem with weight.

When it looks like I am gaining a couple of pounds I feel panicky and fearful. When I eat something not on my current diet, I feel guilty. Because I have constructed such a complex thought structure around this issue, it has taken me some time and effort to get at the core problem. I did it by taking it a thought at a time and examining each one with the Holy Spirit. I thought about the fear I experience when I gain weight. I asked myself why I think I need to stay thin. The answer was that I think being thin helps me gain approval from others. Why do I need approval? I need approval because I think I am separate from my brothers, otherwise I could not see me here being attacked, and them over there attacking me.

So, the belief behind the thought behind the emotion is one of separation. And, of course, the belief in separation started with the belief I separated myself from God, the core belief behind all unconscious guilt and fear. It is at this level that I choose to allow healing, and I do this by choosing to listen to the Holy Spirit instead of my ego. When I asked my ego to help me with my problem, he took me down one dead end after another until I was so confused I could never find my way out. That is its purpose, to keep me in the illusion; to keep me coming back to the ego for my salvation.

The Holy Spirit on the other hand wants to teach me so that I no longer need a teacher. The Course says: I will teach with you and live with you if you will think with me, but my goal will always be to absolve you finally from the need for a teacher. The Holy Spirit shows me that the maze of complexity the ego created around this issue isn?t real. It is meaningless and therefore I can choose to ignore it. I don?t gain weight because I eat too much. I don?t gain weight because I eat the wrong things. I don?t gain weight because I have a slow metabolism or because my mom taught me all the wrong things. The Holy Spirit took me straight to the real problem, and gave me the opportunity to ask for healing, and to practice forgiveness. I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my belief that I am separate from God.

Because I have formed the habit of listening to the ego, I keep going back to it for advice, but now that I am listening to the Voice for God, I am no longer satisfied with the ego answers. I can see through its transparent efforts to keep me chained to it. I might listen for awhile, but then I return to the only Voice Which loves me and really wants the best for me.  Each time I return to the Holy Spirit, I am stronger in my willingness to follow its Voice.

This is the process I am learning to use with each issue in my life. I follow the emotion to the thought to the belief. Then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I forgive that belief and I am healed. This is sometimes instantaneous, but usually, it requires some effort on my part to maintain my willingness to allow healing, but each time I do it, it gets easier. This is my job; to practice forgiveness. All things that happen in my life are forgiveness lessons. My job is to forgive all things. I am very clear about this, and this is what I mean when I say I keep my life simple. When something comes up in my life, I ask myself what it is for and the answer is it is for forgiveness. I then express my willingness to forgive and ask the Holy Spirit to heal me. I no longer dance around the issue with the ego, or at least if I do, it is a much shorter dance, and then I remember what it is for.

This works the same on all things. If I feel like my feelings have been hurt by someone, I can follow the egos machinations and look for meaning behind the actions or words that caused the ill feeling. I can brood on the offense for days, even years. I can imagine what I would have said in retort if only I had thought of it. I can imagine how I will respond next time or even plot revenge.

The Holy Spirit will take me somewhere entirely different if I turn to Him instead of to my ego. He tells me my brothers’ words are either love or a call for love. How do I want to respond to my brothers’ call for love? Thinking of it this way puts the whole thing in perspective. What a moment ago seemed like an unwarranted attack on me, now with the Holy Spirit?s help, I see it was merely a plea for my love. I no longer feel attacked; I no longer feel the need to defend myself. Now I see my purpose here is not to attack, but to save.

So, again it is very simple. Instead of trying to figure out why I was attacked, and who shares what portion of blame; instead of trying to work out an appropriate defense and so attack in return; instead of filling my life with anger and fear, I have another choice. The Course says, ?This calls for salvation, not attack.? As I choose the Voice for God I am shown how to save the world through forgiveness. I am free to overlook what I thought was hurtful to me by seeing that nothing anyone says to me can hurt me. It is only how I feel about what they say that is hurtful, so there was no attack by that person. I attacked myself and I forgive myself for that attack. As I recognize my own invulnerability, I teach that person his invulnerability. As I teach him his invulnerability, I convince myself of my own. As the Course says:

  ?When a brother acts insanely, he is offering you an opportunity
              to bless him. His need is yours. You need the blessing you can
              offer him. There is no way for you to have it except by giving it.
              This is the law of God, and it has no exceptions.?

True forgiveness is such a lovely, elegant solution to all the misery we cause each other through our endless attack and defend reactions. And, best of all, it is so simple; not many solutions to many problems, but one solution to all problems. Simple, simple, simple.

Love,
Mom

 

 

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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The Comforter Which Is the Holy Spirit

The Comforter Which Is the Holy Spirit

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. John 14:26

When Jesus left us, he did not leave us comfortless. He left us with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has a very specific job. He is the Voice for God within us. When we need God?s love and comfort we have it, because we have the Holy Spirit. My friend called me today. Her family has suffered a death and she is grieving. Death seems so permanent to those of us who are left in this world of form. The body of her loved one is gone. She will not, in this life, see that form again. And yet, Jesus conquered death. He showed us, through his resurrection that there is no death. Still, she grieves for the loss of her daughter in law, because in this world, she is lost to her. Where can she turn for comfort?

The Holy Spirit is the Comforter that was given us by our Father. The Holy Spirit brings us comfort when we turn to Him. When we truly turn to Him with our grief in expectation of relief, it is ours. I have had times when I asked the Holy Spirit for comfort, but didn?t really mean it. What I really wanted was for things to go back to the way I wanted them. I wanted the dead to return from the grave. I wanted lost affections to be restored. I wanted absent lovers to return. I wanted my way. But when I released my demands and asked the Holy Spirit only for the comfort of God that is what I got, and the comfort of God is no small thing.

The Holy Spirit is my comfort and He is also my guide. He is the way- shower. When I am conflicted and unsure of the path, I need only turn to the Holy Spirit. He will direct my ways. There are so many times when I am unsure how to act, what to do. Each time He has been there for me, waiting patiently for me as I tried to work things out on my own, and when I was ready to finally ask for His help, He lovingly gave it, never rebuking me for not turning to Him sooner.

I was raised Catholic and attended church regularly. My faith was important to me. I was a Catechism teacher, and was raising my children Catholic. When I divorced my first husband, I felt that God turned His back on me along with the Church. It was a very hard time for me. My marriage fell apart, and I felt like God had abandoned me as well. I didn?t know where to turn. I was very fearful and fear often takes the form of anger. I became very angry with God. I was also confused, because I didn?t feel like a bad person just because I got a divorce.

I spent many months railing against God, and finally, in my confusion and my grief, I turned to the Holy Spirit. I asked Him for guidance. If I can?t love God as a Catholic, how could I love Him? Would He love me? Was He angry with me? I had practiced my faith in the prescribed ways, but I wasn?t used to going to the Holy Spirit for answers. I didn?t know how the answer would come. Frankly, I was hoping I wasn?t going to encounter any burning bushes. And, of course, I didn?t. I have since learned that the Holy Spirit always answers in a way we can understand and accept.

Soon, I started running in to people who would set me on a new spiritual adventure. I came across books that would help me learn a new way of worshipping my God. I found a church that nurtured my growing spirit. All that stuff, all those people were always there, but I wasn?t aware of them because I wasn?t ready. As soon as I signaled my readiness by asking the Holy Spirit for help, I saw what had been right before my eyes all along. God loves us. He never forces His Love on us, but He keeps it ever available for us in what ever form will be most helpful.

The Holy Spirit teaches me all things. He teaches me how to live my life, how to do God?s work, how to love my brother, how to be joyful, whole and perfect as my God created me.  This is His function and His joy. It is no burden for Him to do this for me. It is what He is for. A couple of years ago I got a call from my older daughter, Sheryl. She asked me if I had seen Susan lately. (Susan is my younger daughter.) She said that she thought Susan had done something to her hair because even though she was wearing a bandana, the little she could see looked strange. This really piqued my curiosity and worried me a little. Susan has the most beautiful hair.

Well, I went by to check it out and was I ever in for a shock. The girl had shaved her head. We are talking about totally bald, not even stubble! I didn?t know what to say. Well, I knew what I wanted to say, but I restrained myself, admirably, if I do say so myself. I had a real problem with this. I was angry. I was sad. I was completely confused with my own reaction. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. After a while of this, I longed for some peace and so, finally, I took the whole issue to the Holy Spirit. I asked Him for some help.

I wasn?t asking Him to talk some sense into my daughter. I wasn?t asking Him to give her back her beautiful hair. I just wanted my peace. He reminded me that Susan is not her body. She is spirit. Spirit cannot be altered. I love her as Spirit. ?So,? I asked, ?Why am I so upset?? Why am I having so much trouble getting over it?? I didn?t even want Susan to take her bandana off around me.

The Holy Spirit helped me to see that I had certain expectations around Susan as my daughter; a certain role for her to fill. I thought I needed her to be beautiful and talented, in a prescribed way. I thought I needed her to represent my success as a mother-whatever that means. As the Holy Spirit, gently and lovingly, showed me these feelings, I was able to release them. It was like cutting strings that were attached to my love, and watching it soar to new heights. I was freed from my judgments. I was at peace.

The funny thing was, the next time I saw her, she seemed more beautiful than ever. Her head has such a lovely shape and without the distraction of her hair, her features were especially lovely. Susan shaved her head for her own reasons, but the Holy Spirit used this incident to teach me how to love.

There are many ways the Holy Spirit helps me. Sometimes I take full advantage of this help. Sometimes I don?t. I had a teacher once, who told me that I should not berate myself for missed opportunities to learn. He said that the Universe is very patient. If you don?t get your lesson the first time, you will be given another chance. I have certainly found this to be true for me.

Marianne Williamson was talking about this in her book, ?A Return to Love.? She tells us about how self destructive she used to be, and how she kept falling back into the same behavior patterns no matter how hard she tried not to. She says that there is only one despair worse than, ?God, I blew it.?- and that?s, ?God, I blew it again.? It was at a twelve-step meeting that she finally heard something that really helped. She heard alcoholics asking God to take away their desire to drink. Well, drinking wasn?t her addiction; her addiction was her own pain. She says, ?It occurred to me that, just as with any other addictive behavior, maybe a power greater than myself could turn me around.?

I greatly admire her clarity in this. It took me a very long time to reach any kind of understanding of my own behavior. I would do things a certain way and when they didn?t work; I would do the same thing again. Strangely enough, the same thing didn?t work that time either. So I would do it again. I don?t think I ever realized that I was attached to my pain. I had gotten used to it; it was comforting in its familiarity. It may not have been all that pleasant, but I could always depend on it being there.

When I finally declared that I had had enough, and decided there must be a better way, I learned to turn to the Holy Spirit. It took some work because I had a life time habit to turn around. Like the ?one day at a time? philosophy, I would take it one thought at a time.? In the past, when my husband would berate me for not doing something the way he wanted me to, I would respond with accusations of my own. The battle would begin. You know, it got to where we knew our lines so well, it hardly seemed worth it to go through the motions. But it was like I enjoyed the pain. I just kept going, even though I knew it would bring us nothing but misery.

Eventually, with the Holy Spirit?s help, I got to the point that I could short circuit the argument. Sometimes I could even turn it into a loving moment. Though I did not choose to stay in that marriage, I am grateful that I was able to use some of our life together to practice going to the Holy Spirit. I learned that my addiction to my own pain could be overcome through surrender. I surrendered my demands and my expectations and just asked God what He wanted me to do in the situation.

This was hard at first because I had grown accustomed to defending myself. The first attempts to surrender were tentative because I was afraid of being vulnerable. But what I learned is that surrender to God does not leave you vulnerable, but rather strengthens you. As my faith grew, so did my comfort level. I?m not afraid of this process any more, and seldom resist it. I can be stubborn about giving up my need to be right, but most of the time, I understand that being happy is more important than being right.

The Holy Spirit is my guide, my teacher and my comforter. Because it is God?s Will that I return to Him, He placed this help within me. My only job is to surrender myself to His help. Let me share something else that Marianne Williamson said. “How ironic. You spend your whole life resisting the idea that there?s someone smarter than you are, and then all of a sudden you?re so relieved to know it?s true. All of a sudden you?re not too proud to ask for help. That?s what it means to surrender to God.? This is how I feel now. I am so relieved to know that I have help. I only need to ask.

 

 

 

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Teacher in Training

Teacher in Training

I have been working on 916: Teacher of God. As I am training to be a teacher of God, I am learning to listen closely to the Voice for God.  I quickly discovered that I am not always aware of which voice I am listening to, and so I made awareness my first priority. It is really not hard to do this. There are only two voices. I am either listening to the ego’s voice, or I am listening to the Voice for God. It is always my choice as to which voice I listen to.

I recently experienced a perfect example of choosing which voice I want to listen to. I was talking to a friend about something concerning her, and suddenly she became very angry with me. Her voice got louder and higher with each word and her face became red and blotched. I tried to reason with her, but I quickly realized that it wasn?t going to work. Then I tried to calm her down with gentle words. That wasn?t helping either. Finally, I let her vent, and then watched in helplessness as she stomped out. I was completely dazed after the experience. I couldn?t figure out what I had done to bring on that outburst.

The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. I would be heartbroken for a moment as I thought about maybe losing a friend, and then I would become angrier and angrier as I thought about how unfair the attack was. I felt helpless. This is something that would affect me profoundly and yet, it seemed to be so completely out of my hands. As I think back over the incident, I can see that my ego couldn?t decide if I was a victim of someone?s unfair attack, or if I was guilty party, somehow causing my friend to be so upset.

My success at controlling my own actions varies wildly, and certainly I can?t control others, so there will be times when I am faced with situations like the one I just described. The question is, what will I choose to do about it? How will I choose to respond? Or, more accurately, what voice will I follow? It took me awhile to sort out the voices because my first reaction was very emotional. As I thought about it, I couldn?t see any way it was my fault or that I had done anything to bring it on. I couldn?t see anything I could have done to prevent it. It was just so darned unfair. I felt justified in being angry with my friend. I felt like a victim of her unfair rage and blame.

Unfortunately, while this felt right to me, it didn?t make me feel any better. I was still distraught. I needed to forgive, but it is not possible to forgive as long as I was seeing her as wrong. But how could I see it any differently? It was just so obviously her fault. Do you hear the ego?s voice in there, egging me on, trying to place blame; trying to make someone wrong? As long as I kept listening to the ego?s voice, I was going to stay in this conundrum. I finally tired of my misery and took a few moments to surrender my view of the situation to the Holy Spirit. I told Him how I was seeing this, and asked Him to look at it with me because, clearly, I didn?t know what any of it meant.

I felt immediately more peaceful and waited patiently for a new understanding. What I got was that I had been taking this personally. I was seeing what my friend did as an assault on me and on our long standing friendship. I was simultaneously blaming her, and accepting blame. I was feeling a need to fix it with no earthly idea how to do that. The Holy Spirit showed me that what happened didn?t actually have anything to do with me. He showed me that I was like a person who stepped in front of a runaway car. The car wasn?t out to get me; I was just in the way. My friend was like that car. She was in the grip of runaway emotions, and I got run down because I was there, not really because of anything I did.

It reminded me of times when I yelled at my husband or my child about some minor offense and afterward realized my anger had nothing to do with their action. I was upset about something entirely different, but they got caught in the cross fire. This was much the same. As I received this message from the Holy Spirit, I became calmer. It wasn?t my fault; I didn?t need to feel guilty. It was not my responsibility to fix anything. Whew! It was good thing to know this, because I was feeling a lot of pressure to do something that seemed impossible. It felt good to know I was relieved of that need.

Holy Spirit helped me to see that the pain wasn?t mine, but hers. I did not need to blame her for anything, because I did not need to feel threatened. I was able to see my friend as the child of God that she is. I began to feel love for her. I began to see that listening to the Voice for God was showing me there really was a different way to see this. I had received the gift of peace, and prayed that she would also. Soon, she came back over and sheepishly apologized for flying off the handle. She had been having a really bad day, and just took it out on me. I was so glad to see her and to know we were still friends. In this instance, I was a teacher of God. I taught her that as a child of God, I am unassailable and if I am unassailable, so is she.

I shudder to think how this would have ended if I had continued listening to the ego?s voice instead. I would have had no interest in forgiving, and would have felt justified in returning the attack. Maybe then, I would have considered ?forgiving? her, but it would not have been true forgiveness. It would have been a pale shadow of forgiveness in which I would have decided I was big enough to overlook her bad behavior, and her personal attack on me. I would have been making myself better than her and giving her a gift she didn?t deserve. That is not forgiveness. I would have been teaching her that she had indeed attacked me, and hurt me and that she deserved the same treatment. That would have been the ego?s sad lesson.

It is clear that making a decision to choose the Voice for God is the way to be a teacher of God. I am always teaching; in that I have no choice.  I exercise my choice when I decide what I want to teach. I am so grateful that, in this instance at least, I chose well.

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Which Voice Will I Listen To?

Which Voice Will I Listen To?

Everything I do is teaching myself, and teaching others as well. I can’t stop teaching. What I can do is exercise control over what I teach. I do this by choosing the voice I want to listen to. If I listen the the ego’s voice, I will teach that we are vulnerable, fearful and guilty. If I listen to the Holy Spirit’s Voice, I will teach something entirely different. Which voice will I choose? The first thing I had to learn how to do was recognize which voice I was listening to. At first I was at a loss, but soon I started to see that the Voice for God is always gentle, loving and patient. This clearly separated it from the ego?s voice, which is always loud and strident. 

My son, Toby, tells me that not only are he and his girlfriend going to Europe this summer, but when he gets back, he is going sky diving! Knowing that they are traveling to Europe alone, was a little worrisome, but I?ve got to tell you, when he told me about his sky diving plans, I brought worry to a whole new level! It would be accurate to say that God?s Voice was not the first voice I heard. Boy, did my ego have a field day with this one. I heard the ego?s voice proclaiming loudly that this was crazy, crazy and recklessly dangerous. My ego wanted to know what kind of mom would go along with a stunt like this. It showed me pictures of my son stepping out of a plane and falling like a rock. It warned me of parachutes that don?t open.

If I listen to the ego?s voice, I will be afraid and fear is what I will teach. Even if I kept my comments to myself, I would express my fear in other ways. I will be teaching fear because I will be a fearful person. It is not God?s Will that I live in fear, nor is it His Will that I teach fear. After the initial shock wore off, I was able to tune out the loud, discordant voice of the ego and listen for the quiet, certain Voice of Love.

God?s Voice assured me that I was not created in fear and am not meant to live in fear. I do not want to teach fear because fear is not of God. My ego points out all sorts of scary stuff; war, personal strife, dangers small and great. The ego reminds me of sickness I have suffered and asks me how I could be like God if all of this is true. Behind this voice of fear is God?s Voice gently reminding me that there is nothing outside of God, and so if I think I can suffer I must be mistaken.

I hear the Voice for God and I hear its unassailable logic and yet I am seduced by what my body?s eyes and my body?s senses tell me. Looking at what I see in this world I have to ask, how can I be as God created me, and yet, how can I not be as God created me? This is why it is essential that I always choose to hear the Voice for God. This is the reason God gave me His Voice. Jesus assured us that he would be with us always and he meant this in a very literal sense. We are also assured that God would send His comforter, and He did.

I have all of this help, but I must agree to accept it for it to do me any good. The Holy Spirit is always whispering in my heart what I need to know, but I hear Him only if I choose to. Sometimes I will wallow around in misery for awhile before I decide that this kind of life is unworthy of a child of God. Then, I will call on God for help. The first thing I have to do is to surrender my own interpretation of what is happening. This clears the way for another way to see it. There is a prayer I learned while taking a Pathways course that starts like this: I open my mind to You Holy Spirit. I will not decide what anything means on my own.

In saying this prayer, I have invited the Holy Spirit into my mind to heal my thoughts. This is an important step because the Holy Spirit does not force His way in; He always waits for an invitation. I have also made a place in my mind for a new way to see things as I confessed to not knowing what anything means. I am very excited now, because I am going to experience my life change for the better. I have shown my willingness through this invitation. Willingness is my only job; the rest is up to God. In fact, if I tried to fix it myself, I would just be in the way. It would make no sense to come to God for help and to bring the proposed answer with me (though often, I confess, I am guilty of doing just that).

As usually happens, the first voice I heard was the ego’s voice, but I recognized it for what it was and, as I listened more closely, I began to hear the Voice for God. There are only those two voices. I chose the one I wanted to follow. If I had chosen the ego’s voice I would have taken a detour into fear. I have been down this road many times and I didn’t want to go there. By choosing to listen to the Voice for God, I have chosen to teach myself that I am God’s Holy Son. This is also the lesson I am teaching Toby. I am an imperfect teacher of God, but I am a willing learner and it is the Holy Spirit?s joy to teach me.

 

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Healing Dreams

Healing Dreams

Yet the Holy Spirit, too, has use for sleep, and can use dreams on behalf of waking if you let Him.  T-8.IX.3

The Course suggests that we give our dreams to the Holy Spirit so that He can use that time to teach us. I do that often, and most of the time I have to assume it is happening because I really can?t tell. Occasionally though, I am aware of and remember the lesson a dream offers me. This happened to me the other night. At least, I remembered the dream, and was aware that there was a lesson in it for me. Discerning that lesson was not as easy.

I dreamed of babies. There were triplets and though I can?t remember that part of the dream well, I do remember that the babies were stolen from the mother and I felt sad for her, in the way you feel when you hear a stranger?s sad story. Then, in my dream, I started remembering that I lost my child in the same way; someone took this child from me. Immediately, I felt guilty thinking,? ?how could I had forgotten this?? Then the horror of what had happened began to take hold, and I was overwhelmed with grief. I understood why I had chosen to forget. The grief and anguish were truly terrible and I felt it as strongly as if it were actually happening to me at that moment. When I woke up, I found that I was unable to shake the dream off. The sadness and grief stayed with me.

For the next two days I felt mildly depressed and then suddenly I would feel so grief stricken that I would start to cry. It was very strange. I have never had a dream affect me so strongly. I asked the Holy Spirit what I needed to understand from this dream, for surely, a dream this vivid must have a message for me. One thing I realized was that my youngest daughter, Susan, was associated (in my mind) with the stolen child for whom I grieved. This made sense, because I have lost her, in a way. She has a partner now and they spend all of their time together. Even though we have always been very close, now I don?t see her very often and miss that closeness acutely.

Feeling like I have lost the close relationship I used to have with Susan, and feeling regretful and sometimes angry about that is a situation I have taken to Holy Spirit often to ask for healing, so I thought this might be what the lesson is about. ?But then, Holy Spirit, what do you want me to learn from it?? I just couldn?t figure it out, but I kept asking for clarification because the emotions associated with the dream wouldn?t go away. Finally, on the third day I asked again what on earth is going on with me. Here I stand in the shower weeping over a child lost in a dream. I wondered how anyone could take someone?s child. How could someone deliberately cause another person so much grief? For that matter, how could I cause myself so much grief? Aha! Suddenly, I got it.

I have been grieving for a dream child; for a loss that never happened. I have been causing myself grief. Is this not what I do all the time? How often do I cause myself pain and grief over something that is happening in the illusion? This day dream world is no more real than my night dream world. Grieving for something in it makes no more sense than grieving for something in a night dream. And yet, I spend most of my waking moments experiencing the tug of one emotional attachment after another.

I started thinking about how much I would rather be writing or performing a wedding or delivering a sermon; yet, here I am, driving hundreds of miles each day, working in the heat, fighting off ants and mosquitoes so that I can earn a living. The more I thought about it, the more dissatisfied I became with my life circumstances. I wished I didn?t have to do this work, but I wasn?t willing to give up the money I earn doing it. I started to feel trapped and my anxiety level rose.

I thought about my dream. There is nothing wrong with my job. Many people would love to have it, and I enjoy it most of the time. The bottom line is that my job is neither good nor bad, it is just a job. I decide how I want to view it, and that decision determines how happy or how miserable I will be. As I was getting myself worked up about my dissatisfaction with the job, I stopped and asked myself why on earth I would choose to do this to myself. Why would I deliberately choose to feel frustrated, trapped, miserable and fearful? I decided right then and there to choose differently. I imagined myself sitting in front of a large box. I started placing all of my various dissatisfactions in the box. I looked at each one and thought that I didn?t want it anymore, and then I dropped it in the box. In went the frustration, then the fear went in next. I kept doing this until I couldn?t find anything else to put in the box.

I imagined myself carefully closing the box and taping it shut. Next, I wrapped it in paper and tied it with a bow. I then imagined myself bringing it to God and offering it as my gift to him. With that box, I knew I was giving him my need to think I was in control. It doesn?t seem like much of a gift since my sense of control is mostly in my head and has little effect in reality, but I have always clung to that illusion, and somehow thought it was important to my survival. It took some courage for me to give this gift. I had to acknowledge that God loves me and wants only what is best for me. I also had to acknowledge that He knows better than I do what is best for me. ?Duh?, you might say. ?Yeah, yeah, I know.? But still, my stomach quivers a bit as I hand it over. As I release my hold on this gift I say to myself, ?I relinquish the illusion of control which I have been hanging on to.?

I used this same process with my daughter. I sat down with the box. I put in my sense of loss as I acknowledged that loss is real only in the world of form and that world is an illusion. I put in my resentment at her partner for ?taking her away from me.? I put in my fear of being abandoned. As I prepared my gift to God, I asked that I might experience a Universal Love in place of this special relationship.

The world may seem to cause you pain. And yet the world, as causeless, has no power to cause. As an effect, it cannot make effects. As an illusion, it is what you wish. Your idle wishes represent its pains. Lesson 190

Since I have completed this ritual, I have had some of those emotions pop up unexpectedly, but I recognize them for the insubstantial shadows that they are; just habits of thought, really. I return them to God and express my gratitude for the peace He gives me in return. The days following my dream were unpleasant and confusing, but I am so grateful for that dream. It was a real blessing as it caught my attention in a way my usual lessons had not. I had asked repeatedly to be released from the pain of the situation with my daughter, but had not looked at the thoughts that were causing it. When I think about it, I realize my dream was the answer to my prayer. It helped me to see the thoughts causing my discomfort and so gave me the chance to look at them with the Holy Spirit and to ask for healing.

He is free to choose again when he has been deceived; to change his mind when he has made mistakes.  Lesson 194

 

 

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