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Study of Text, Chapter10: V. The Denial of God, P 1. 7-1-15

V. The Denial of God
1 The rituals of the god of sickness are strange and very demanding. Joy is never permitted, for depression is the sign of allegiance to him. Depression means that you have forsworn God. Many are afraid of blasphemy, but they do not understand what it means. They do not realize that to deny God is to deny their own Identity, and in this sense the wages of sin is death. The sense is very literal; denial of life perceives its opposite, as all forms of denial replace what is with what is not. No one can really do this, but that you think you can and believe you have is beyond dispute.

Journal
I went through a period of relinquishing fear and then another of relinquishing guilt. Both were very intense and while in the middle of doing this I would often forget that looking with Holy Spirit at guilt and fear was what I wanted. I would get caught up in these beliefs and think that I was guilt or that I was fear. I would think that I had forgotten everything I ever learned and that I had no way out.

Then I would remember the truth and it was like a drowning person surfacing and gasping for breath, and so thankful for air, then looking around and realizing I was drowning in a foot of water. I would have to laugh. Then I would be immersed in fear or guilt again and the process would start over. Eventually, I stopped believing in fear and guilt so much and the process was gentler and lasted for a shorter period. I won’t say that I never experience guilt or fear anymore, but I never completely believe in them, and now I extricate myself more quickly.

Lately, I have been looking at grief, sadness and depression. I thought I was through with depression, but evidently, the belief in depression is still rooted in my mind, and so it is coming up for me to look at and to release, just as I did guilt and fear. I didn’t realize what was happening at first. I would just get washed away in these feelings and wonder what was happening. But I have done this kind of work before, so I began to recognize it for what it is. This makes the process easier and less frightening.

Here is what I have learned through going through this. First, it is not a sign that the truth is not true. It is not a punishment or proof that I am not loved by God. It is not reason to be upset. It is actually a good thing that these beliefs are surfacing, to be looked at and released. I remind myself of this when I start to feel upset by them.

Looking at them with the Holy Spirit means feeling them, and noticing how much I believe them, so it is not pleasant, but it doesn’t have to be scary. So the second thing is that I welcome them, as much as I can do that. I don’t push these feelings away. I don’t deny them. I don’t project them. I don’t try to bury them. At least I do my best with this and when I notice I am in denial or I am projecting, I stop. These are ego strategies and they do not work.

Thirdly, as I become aware of the feelings and the beliefs that source the feelings, I release them to the Holy Spirit. I cannot undo this on my own. This is His function and so I give it to Him. The ego will try to take over and offer suggestions to get rid of the feelings. It will suggest medication, therapy, blame, and eventually will suggest self-annihilation, as its true desire for me is death. The Holy Spirit, on the other hand, will offer true healing and so I reject the ego solutions, and release the problem to Him.

And finally, as I sit with these feelings, releasing them as best as I can, I notice how hard the ego mind tries to cling to them. The ego just loves all this drama, this focus on separation and misery. So I choose the opposite. I remind myself of the truth of my being. I direct my mind to look away from the darkness and toward the light. The more firmly I make this choice, the more quickly I experience relief, and the less intense the feelings when they surface.

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Study of Text, Chapter10: IV. The End of Sickness, P 8. 6-30-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 8
8 In many only the spark remains, for the Great Rays are obscured. Yet God has kept the spark alive so that the Rays can never be completely forgotten. If you but see the little spark you will learn of the greater light, for the Rays are there unseen. Perceiving the spark will heal, but knowing the light will create. Yet in the returning the little light must be acknowledged first, for the separation was a descent from magnitude to littleness. But the spark is still as pure as the Great Light, because it is the remaining call of creation. Put all your faith in it, and God Himself will answer you.

Journal
I think that most people, when they pick up A Course in Miracles, are aware of a small spark, and as we study and practice, the small spark begins to grow into a brighter light. Eventually, the light becomes a Great Light and then we move from healing to creating. Right now, while it is nice to know my ultimate goal, my concern is in keeping my eye on the spark. I want to see that spark brighten.

Jesus says the way we do this is to start with what we have and work from there. He says that separation was a descent from magnitude to littleness, so we start at littleness and work our way back to magnitude. I do this every day as I notice my thoughts and ask for healing when I see that I am descending into littleness again. I direct my mind to focus on what is true about me and what is true about my brother, rather than giving my attention to error.

Yesterday, I let my mind stray to the ego and when I did, the ego mind, the belief in separation, took over for awhile. This is the problem with giving my attention to the ego, it is easy to become entangled with it and then it is hard to find my way out again. Thank God for that spark of light that is the beacon that guides me back to reality. Then when others add their light to mine, there is more light, and everything becomes clear once again. The mind is healed and healing is our goal at this time.

The most encouraging thing is to realize that the spark, small though it might be, is just a pure as the Great Light. And that as I put my faith in that spark, God Himself answers me. Oh my goodness! This is motivation to keep my eye on the goal and not let my attention stray to the illusion. What in this story is as important as this?

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Study of Text, Chapter10: IV. The End of Sickness, P 7. 6-29-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 7
7 The miracle is the act of a Son of God who has laid aside all false gods, and calls on his brothers to do likewise. It is an act of faith, because it is the recognition that his brother can do it. It is a call to the Holy Spirit in his mind, a call that is strengthened by joining. Because the miracle worker has heard God’s Voice, he strengthens It in a sick brother by weakening his belief in sickness, which he does not share. The power of one mind can shine into another, because all the lamps of God were lit by the same spark. It is everywhere and it is eternal.

As I read this I am, of course, reminded of the miracles Jesus performed as a man. He healed many without any distinction between the seriousness of the illnesses. He healed the cripple and the mentally ill. He healed those who were in front of him and those he did not actually see. He raised the dead, and he calmed the seas and he walked on water. He died and rose from the dead. If Jesus joined us in this world to be the model we would use to follow him out of the world, then these things we, too, can do; these things and more according to our brother.

Jesus accomplished these miracles because he believed only the truth. He laid aside all false gods, all ego beliefs. He joined with the Holy Spirit in his mind. He joined with the minds of his brothers and sisters in whom he had perfect faith, because he knew them for who they were. What Jesus did, we can do. We can look past the ego belief in separation, weakness, sickness, suffering and death. We can see these for the lies they are and know that these things cannot be God’s Will, so they cannot be.

We can know our brother for the Son of God he is and not be deceived by his words or actions in this dream world. We can know that what God creates is eternal and eternally exactly as it is created. Knowing this truth and only this truth about our brothers we do not share in their confusion. We know that sickness is only an illusion and cannot stand up under scrutiny. Because we do not believe in the sickness, we weaken our brother’s belief in the sickness.

Can I heal another? Apparently, l can. I can heal him with my unwavering faith in God and in my brother. If the light in my mind is sufficiently strong, I can do this. Jesus says that the power of one mind can shine into another. It is possible that my mind can be powerful in its faith, but it is not always so. I still see levels and degrees of sickness. I still believe that I can heal certain things and not others. My faith in some of my brothers is strong and in others is weak, because I still see them as separate.

When my faith wavers, I call on others to join me in my prayer. Our joining with each other strengthens the light in all our minds. This light helps us to overcome our fear and see past the guilt that blocks the awareness of loves presence. I trust this joining in purpose, and I trust the light in my brothers.

We are not meant to suffer and be sick, to be in pain, nor even to die. This morning as I write this, I am also thinking about doing a stress test today. It is part of the “chest pains” episode from a couple of weeks ago. I am dreading the whole thing. I don’t want to find out there is something wrong with my heart. When I think that I can choose healing I notice I feel afraid of that, too. It is like I would rather just give into the sickness than face the possibility that I will not be healed.

What if I am not worthy? What if my faith is not strong enough? What if God does not love me? What if the truth is not true? That seems so much worse than clogged arteries. Having clogged arteries or even dying of a heart attack is better than discovering that I really am just a body, rejected by my creator and destined to live a pointless life and then die.

The ego gets very dramatic when I think about this. But I know I need to look at the thoughts in the mind, because looking at them makes it possible for me to release them to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps you would like to join me in remembering the ego cannot be the truth of me, of us. I will join with the Holy Spirit in our mind, and you can strengthen my faith by joining with me in this. Thank you.

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Study of Text, Chapter 10: IV. The End of Sickness, P 6. 6-25-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 6
6 When you have experienced the protection of God, the making of idols becomes inconceivable. There are no strange images in the Mind of God, and what is not in His Mind cannot be in yours, because you are of one mind and that mind belongs to Him. It is yours because it belongs to Him, for to Him ownership is sharing. And if it is so for Him, it is so for you. His definitions are His laws, for by them He established the universe as what it is. No false gods you attempt to interpose between yourself and your reality affect truth at all. Peace is yours because God created you. And He created nothing else.

It can be difficult for us to not feel threatened by the idea of a God that we belong to, one that rules the universe and whose laws we must live by. This can be frightening as the ego mind rebels and says that we are each independent and that independence is a point of pride. Ego says that we are separate and distinct and our uniqueness is what makes us what we are, and to lose that is to lose our self. And if God makes all the laws and we must live by them, what if we don’t? What if we fail to do this? In our world of time and space, when someone fails to live by a law they are punished, so punishment is what we expect.

But Jesus tells us that for God, ownership is sharing. This is meaningless in our experience, but it is the way of Reality. And while we cannot have that experience in the ego mind, we can infer its meaning.  What God is, He shares with us. So if we belong to God, if we are His creation, we share all that is God. We share the Mind of God and His laws are our laws, and His power is our power, and His safety is our safety. The inference is that in Reality, there is no loss in belonging to God. All that God Is, He gave to us in our creation because that is the very definition of creation.

And could we fail to obey the laws of God? In the illusory world of time and space we act as if we can do this, and we see the effect of our imaginative play. This effect is the reason, the motivation, to awaken from this dream of separation. As we pretend we can make laws different from God’s laws we suffer pain and death. But we are not bound by those laws and can step out of the stories of separation at any time because they are not reality.

God’s laws are not optional. They are like the law of gravity here. We can thumb our nose at gravity, but the moment we step off a cliff we will plummet to the ground. Gravity is gravity. This is the way God’s laws operate. They simply are and nothing undoes them. We are one. That is a law of God, as immutable as our law of gravity, and as irreversible. We are one, we are love, we are mind, we are part of God and in God. We create as God creates. We are eternal. These are laws of God and nothing can change this. Anything else is just a thought, an idea that we are free to explore, but that changes nothing.

We can make an anti-gravity chamber and float around as if nothing holds us to the ground, but when we step out of that chamber we find that the law of gravity has not altered. That is how it is for us. We have made an anti-oneness chamber and we are hanging around in it and playing at separation. We won’t stay forever because this is not natural for us. We will get tired of suffering or just get tired of the restrictions, and we will wake up to our true and perfectly free Selves. We will step out of the chamber we made and the laws of God will still be in effect.

And thank God for that!

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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The End of Sickness, P 5. 6-24-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 5
5 You are not free to give up freedom, but only to deny it. You cannot do what God did not intend, because what He did not intend does not happen. Your gods do not bring chaos; you are endowing them with chaos, and accepting it of them. All this has never been. Nothing but the laws of God has ever been, and nothing but His Will, will ever be. You were created through His laws and by His Will, and the manner of your creation established you a creator. What you have made is so unworthy of you that you could hardly want it, if you were willing to see it as it is. You will see nothing at all. And your vision will automatically look beyond it, to what is in you and all around you. Reality cannot break through the obstructions you interpose, but it will envelop you completely when you let them go.

Journal
I am free regardless of the experience I have chosen. I cannot undo my Self. I can only choose to experience chaos instead of my natural state, which is peace. I am not being asked to re-make what I destroyed in my choice for separation, because nothing was destroyed. I am only being asked to accept what remains perfectly intact.

It cannot be difficult to simply accept what is true. And yet, I see that my sight is often determinedly fixed on the illusory state of being that I chose as my experience. I see separation everywhere I look. I see its affects; I see anger, fear, guilt, jealousy, sickness, all manner of suffering, and death. I see it as if it is real and true and the mind balks at the idea this is only an illusion and that the truth is its exact opposite.

This is the reason I give workshops and write about releasing guilt and accepting responsibility for our lives. I talk about how Jesus starts early, with Lesson 15 that tells us our thoughts are images we have made, and Lesson 152 that tells us that the world is a representation of our wishes. I remind myself all the time that Jesus says that we but do this to ourselves. I go back to Lesson 325 that describes the process we use to make the images that seem to be our lives.

I focus on this in my teaching because it helps me to learn to believe what Jesus tells us all through the Course. God creates the eternal and the unchanging. Nothing about us has changed even in the slightest. We remain as we were created. We are part of God and in God. Our minds are very holy, and there is nothing our holiness cannot do. And everything else is an imaginative representation of an idea that entered the mind of the Son. It is not real and could never be real no matter how realistic it seems.

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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The End of Sickness, P 4. 6-23-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 4
4 God’s laws will keep your mind at peace because peace is His Will, and His laws are established to uphold it. His are the laws of freedom, but yours are the laws of bondage. Since freedom and bondage are irreconcilable, their laws cannot be understood together. The laws of God work only for your good, and there are no other laws beside His. Everything else is merely lawless and therefore chaotic. Yet God Himself has protected everything He created by His laws. Everything that is not under them does not exist. “Laws of chaos” is a meaningless term. Creation is perfectly lawful, and the chaotic is without meaning because it is without God. You have “given” your peace to the gods you made, but they are not there to take it from you, and you cannot give it to them.

Journal
This is what chaos looks like. As I was trying to fall asleep last night I started thinking about some advise I gave a co-worker earlier in the day. The more I thought about it, I realized I needed to recant what I had said. It was not good advice. I thought about calling her first thing in the morning before she acted on it. I thought about what I would say, how I would phrase it. I replayed the original event in my mind. In other words, I obsessed about it until it grew all out of proportion.

I finally pulled myself out of it and asked Holy Spirit to remind me to call in the morning, and to direct my words. For a moment I was at peace and then I started thinking about my upcoming stress test and I obsessed about that for awhile.  And so on, for way too long. I wound up feeling like everything in my life was wrong and then it went downhill from there.

My mind was chaotic with nonsense thoughts. This is the law of the ego.  It is the natural consequence of seeing each person, each thing and each circumstance as separate from each other and each requiring its own specific solution. It becomes a never ending job and an impossible job. There is no peace when I look at the world with the ego mind.

Peace came when I asked for help to see clearly. I thought of the co-worker and gave the uncertainty and regret to the Holy Spirit. I thought of the stress test and gave the fear that evoked to the Holy Spirit. I did this with each emotional response to the worries and fears and all the guilt that accompanied them. I asked for His judgment on each in place of my own judgment.

In each case, He reminded me that I am loved and guided through every problem life presents. His judgment of each circumstance was the same. God still loves me and this is not His Will. I am innocent and I am as perfect as the moment I was created.  Each person in my worried mind is innocent and perfect. No matter what thorny problem I bring Him, His answer is the same.

I can choose to live under the chaotic laws of the ego, or I can choose to live under the laws of Peace. Always, it is up to me.

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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The End of Sickness, P 3. 6-22-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 2
3 The Sonship cannot be perceived as partly sick, because to perceive it that way is not to perceive it at all. If the Sonship is one, it is one in all respects. Oneness cannot be divided. If you perceive other gods your mind is split, and you will not be able to limit the split, because it is the sign that you have removed part of your mind from God’s Will. This means it is out of control. To be out of control is to be out of reason, and then the mind does become unreasonable. By defining the mind wrongly, you perceive it as functioning wrongly.

Journal
Jesus says that the Sonship must be perceived as one and that means no part of it can be perceived as sick. The mind will work correctly only in its whole state, because wholeness is the only state of the mind in reality. I was thinking of my computer. If I open the computer up and remove a single part, the whole computer will cease to work as it is designed to, if it works at all.

How do I keep some part of the Sonship separate? I can see this happening when I hold a grievance against someone. The act of holding a grievance is an attack on the Sonship. It is the same as saying that this one is not part of the whole and now the Sonship is missing a vital part. The mind no longer works as it should.

While nothing has happened in reality, we all know how painful it is in our experience when we think we have separated. I think it is important that I be aware that I cannot single out anyone and see that one as guilty or I have, in my mind, destroyed Wholeness. Or to say it differently, I think I have destroyed God because He is no longer whole. It is a replay of the original error. We think we separated from God, and often wonder why we would have made that choice, and yet, each time we hold a grievance against even one person, we are doing it again.

It works the same way within my own thinking. If I believe everything Jesus tells tells me, and I become willing to release all thoughts that are out of alignment with God’s Will, all except for one idea, one ego belief that I think I need to hold onto, then I will not know my own union with the Sonship. This is all or nothing. I am whole and a part of the Whole or I am separate. In no moment can I be as God created me and what I made of myself.  To be as God created me, I must release all that I made to be different than God created.

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