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Study of the Text 6-19-13

6-19-13
8 The ego tries to exploit all situations into forms of praise for itself in order to overcome its doubts. It will remain doubtful as long as you believe in its existence. You who made it cannot trust it, because in your right mind you realize it is not real. The only sane solution is not to try to change reality, which is indeed a fearful attempt, but to accept it as it is. You are part of reality, which stands unchanged beyond the reach of your ego but within easy reach of spirit. When you are afraid, be still and know that God is real, and you are His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased. Do not let your ego dispute this, because the ego cannot know what is as far beyond its reach as you are.

The bad news is the ego is doubtful and afraid and nothing is going to change this. I have spent my life trying to make a stronger, better ego self with more education, more income, buying more stuff, developing a better personality, etc. I cannot shore up the ego so there is no reason to try, which means I have been wasting my time. I now have a nicer ego, a more spiritual ego, a kinder ego, but it compares itself to others and finds itself wanting in every department. It is still doubtful and fearful. 

The good news is I am not my ego. What I am is established in God and is beyond doubt and has nothing to fear. What I am cannot be affected by ego doubts and fears or anything the ego does or says or thinks. What I am is like God in every way. This means I am not my personality. I am not my body. I am not any of the traits I have spent my life trying to develop to stave off the doubts and uncertainties that plague the ego. I am simply and only the Son of God.

I forget who I am on a regular basis. This memory of Self is far too new to consistently stand against the ego self I have identified with for so long. What do I do when I feel doubtful and uncertain, when guilt overcomes me and I become afraid? Jesus tells me that when I am afraid, I should be still and know that God is real, and I am His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased.

I have used many prayers or affirmations to turn my mind back toward truth. I have reminded myself that the truth is true. I have asked that the Holy Spirit heal my mind. I have accepted the Atonement. I have reminded myself that I am still as God created me. I have remembered that God goes with me wherever I go. Yesterday I often remembered that what is not God’s Will is not real and can have no effect on me. I prayed that God would show me His Will for me.

However I choose to break the ego’s hold on my mind, the goal is to return to the peaceful certainty of my true Self. I rest in God. In that rest there will be no words, but my mind remembers that I am His Son and He loves me. In trust, I surrender all to Him. I am at peace, and doubt, uncertainty and fear cannot find me. Sometimes it is only for a brief respite, but it is enough to remind me that this is my natural state and that it is what I want. When it is all that I want, it is all that I will have.

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Study of the Text 6-18-13

6-18-13
7 Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. Your worth is established by God. As long as you dispute this everything you do will be fearful, particularly any situation that lends itself to the belief in superiority and inferiority. Teachers must be patient and repeat their lessons until they are learned. I am willing to do this, because I have no right to set your learning limits for you. Again, - nothing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your worth. This point is not debatable except in delusions. Your ego is never at stake because God did not create it. Your spirit is never at stake because He did. Any confusion on this point is delusional, and no form of devotion is possible as long as this delusion lasts.

My worth was established by God and so it is unassailable. Nothing I do or say can change it. I cannot make myself more worthy with good works or successes in my life. I am not a better Son of God because I teach or because I write spiritual books. Nor can I or anyone else diminish my worth. When I feel guilty about something I said or did, I am learning that there is nothing I need to do to prop up my self-worth. If I think I need to apologize to someone because I may have caused harm I do that. But my words did not change my Self. I am innocent.

This applies to everyone else as well. In my most lucid moments, I imagine my perfect and holy Self moving through this imagined life, having experiences with other holy Beings. Sometimes I imagine our holy Self simply being, and imagined experiences passing through us. But in those moments, I never see those experiences leaving a stain on our brilliant Selves.

When I am immersed in the stories, I forget that this and I feel guilt or assign guilt for the things we imagine happen. Then I remember my prayer: Reveal to me my innocence. Not make me innocent, or restore my innocence, just reveal to me my innocence. Yesterday I was having an experience in which I felt attacked. I asked that God reveal to me our innocence. Then I had another experience of being attacked. I watched my thoughts and I saw that I was assigning blame for my feelings. Again, I asked that God reveal to me our innocence.

The third time it happened, I realized that I needed to look more closely at this. If I am having experiences of blame (mine or someone else’s, it doesn’t matter) I have forgotten who I am. I have forgotten that my worth was established by God in my creation and nothing can change that. Unworthiness has become my belief and unworthiness stories are what I will project. I asked that my innocence be revealed, but did not accept it.

Sometimes I can hardly believe myself. I had a choice; I could hold onto my grievances, continue to project blame for a false belief in my mind and continue to find my brothers guilty, and suffer the consequences of this. The consequence is loss of peace. I felt angry, abused, confused, afraid, uncertain and doubtful. I forgot who I am. No matter who I blamed, I didn’t feel any better. Or, I could accept the Atonement in this situation. I could allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to me our innocence. I could return to peace and joy.

I noticed that I still wavered between the two choices. It seemed a sure bet that the other person was the guilty one and I hesitated to let him off the hook. Then I had a sudden moment of sanity and realized that I was literally choosing against God and for the separation all over again. Is my whole “life” a variation on that one moment, the moment choice was born, and with it, guilt and fear? I think so.

I asked myself what it is that I want. Do I want another story of guilt and blame, attack and defend, or do I want peace and happiness? It is absolutely my choice. Do I want to keep this guy on the hook so bad that I am willing to give up Heaven to be sure he stays hooked? Really, Myron? Really? I came to my senses and when I asked again for innocence to be revealed, I was ready to accept it. Today’s reading in the Text is a perfect follow up for me. I had forgotten for awhile yesterday that our worth has been established and that our stories cannot change that.

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Study of the Text 6-17-13

6-17-13
6 Egos can clash in any situation, but spirit cannot clash at all. If you perceive a teacher as merely “a larger ego” you will be afraid, because to enlarge an ego would be to increase anxiety about separation. I will teach with you and live with you if you will think with me, but my goal will always be to absolve you finally from the need for a teacher. This is the opposite of the ego-oriented teacher’s goal. He is concerned with the effect of his ego on other egos, and therefore interprets their interaction as a means of ego preservation. I would not be able to devote myself to teaching if I believed this, and you will not be a devoted teacher as long as you believe it. I am constantly being perceived as a teacher either to be exalted or rejected, but I do not accept either perception for myself.

Looking at teachers as bigger egos used to be a problem for me. I saw them as having what I did not have and me as wanting it desperately. It was as if just being around them would give it to me. It was devastating to me when one of them fell off their pedestal. Since I had put my faith in their ego instead of their message, when they did not live up to the message I would be afraid this meant that the truth was not true. I also worried how I looked to these teachers and how I looked in comparison to them.

When I myself first began to teach the Course there were different problems. I was constantly watching for feedback, hoping that I would not be rejected. I was very nervous about posting anywhere and if I didn’t receive some kind of encouragement, would become discouraged. My ego was definitely involved. Looking back on it, I am amazed that the teaching itself was pretty clear. I asked for words and passed them on, seldom allowing ego to influence the writing itself. However, at that beginning stage I would often fall into ego fears about it.

Now when I write and post, I don’t have that kind of reaction. I don’t need feedback because I realize that the writing is for me, and if someone else needs to see it, that will be taken care of by Jesus. He is the one in charge of this. I just do my best to be true to the Inner Voices and trust it will be close enough. I understand that there are many teachers because there are many students. Not everyone is at the same level and different people learn in different ways. Some people will resonate with what I say and others won’t.

I don’t need the approval of anyone and I don’t need encouragement. That is not to say the ego isn’t alive and well in my mind. The ego cares, but I don’t. I have some students who study with me one-on-one. Sometimes they stay for a long time, and sometimes they are with me for just awhile. They get what they need and move on. Sometimes one will leap frog over me and become my teacher. I don’t have a desire to “keep” students. I am happy when they move on to become teachers to others.

I am not a perfect teacher and I am not anyone’s only teacher, or necessary teacher. I would not be interested in a teacher who thought he was the one who everyone needed or thought he was always right. I would walk away from a teacher who fed off my devotion. Jesus, in A Course in Miracles, is a genuine teacher.

Jesus loves us and wants us to follow him until we have what he has to offer and then he wants us to sit beside him and help him awaken others. He is certain of what he teaches but is OK if others do not accept it. He says at the beginning of the Course that his is not the only path. Jesus is a model teacher, and I do my best to follow his lead.

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Study of the Text 6-14-13

6-14-13
5 Every good teacher hopes to give his students so much of his own learning that they will one day no longer need him. This is the one true goal of the teacher. It is impossible to convince the ego of this, because it goes against all of its own laws. But remember that laws are set up to protect the continuity of the system in which the lawmaker believes. It is natural for the ego to try to protect itself once you have made it, but it is not natural for you to want to obey its laws unless you believe them. The ego cannot make this choice because of the nature of its origin. You can, because of the nature of yours.

What Jesus is teaching me is that I am not the ego, but I have an ego. I am the maker of the ego and am confused in my identity, thinking that I am what I made. Since my true identity is spirit, I don’t need to be taught, but I do need help in remembering the truth. The ego cannot make a choice for sane thinking because it was made to avoid right-minded thinking. It was made as an alternative to truth. But, I can make a choice to believe the ego thinking or to believe the truth because of the nature of my origin. I was created Truth, and though it can be forgotten, it cannot be lost.

Jesus was the first to realize the truth of his nature and to remember who he is. Since he had found his way out, he chose to set up a plan (Atonement) to help us all escape the cycle of the ego’s dream of death and to return ourselves to God. So far, what I understand about this plan is twofold. First, I am to accept healing through allowing the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. Second, I am to share what I am given through surrendering my body to the Holy Spirit to use as a teaching device.

The first phase, allowing my mind to be healed, occurs as I let down my defenses and invite healing. When I stop protecting my beliefs they are corrected for me. I protect my beliefs from being healed when I insist they must be true. For instance, I might say that there is no death, and I think that must be true, but then I hear that someone is very sick with stage four cancer and is waiting for death.

On hearing the bad news that this person is dying of cancer, my first thought is that their death is inevitable. I see that I believe in death, and I protect that belief from the Holy Spirit when I insist that in some cases death cannot be overcome. My belief is now that at some point, even the Will of God is not strong enough to overcome the death of a body riddled with cancer. This belief is my defense against God, and while I defend my belief there is nothing the Holy Spirit can do to heal my mind.

What can I do when I feel trapped by my own beliefs? I can recognize that my mind is confused. I can give this confusion to the Holy Spirit and ask that He purify my thoughts. I can ask that He heal my mind of the belief in death and suffering. No matter what my wrong-minded thought might be, the solution is the same. The temptation at that point is to look at the illusion to see if my prayer worked, and if I do not see evidence of success to judge myself as being inadequate and unworthy. If this happens, I simply have another thought to be healed. My part is simply to accept the Atonement, that is, to ask for and accept the healing of my mind.

The second part of the plan is for me to join with my brother for the one purpose of healing. I do this in many ways. Sometimes the joining is of minds with no action and no words. Sometimes, I am to allow my body to be used for this purpose. I do this as I put aside my own thoughts about it and welcome the Holy Spirit to live me. The words I speak may sound like my words, but they are words I did not decide on. The actions may look like something I would have done, but again, I did not make that decision.

My experience is that, like the first phase of mind healing, this second part, the surrender of self, is at first inconsistent. But as I learn to trust and allow more and more healing of my mind, I find that I am becoming more willing to be a clear channel for healing. In fact, I find that surrender is sweet and peaceful. I absolutely astound myself when I turn from the Will of God and choose self-will instead. Why would I do that, when it is so painful? Sigh.

If I love teaching because it is my assurance of learning, and if I love surrender because it is so natural, the ego hates these things because it wants to be in control. The ego wants the sense of self, and in fact, the ego thinks to lose this sense of self is annihilation. Of course this is the reason I turn from the peace of God to self-will. I still become confused about my identity and think I am the ego and its fear becomes my fear.

The ego’s love of teaching is self-centered because that is its nature. It wants to be “The Teacher” and to use teaching, not as a learning device, but as a way to prop up its flagging self-worth. So naturally, the ego does not want to lose its students. Jesus wants to teach us all he knows so that we will have all that he has. The ego’s purpose in teaching is to remain teacher, and so there is no real joining, and therefore no healing. I hear that voice in my head that longs for adoration, but, “Thank you, God,” I don’t believe it.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 6-13-13

6-13-13
3 Spirit need not be taught, but the ego must be. Learning is ultimately perceived as frightening because it leads to the relinquishment, not the destruction, of the ego to the light of spirit. This is the change the ego must fear, because it does not share my charity. My lesson was like yours, and because I learned it I can teach it. I will never attack your ego, but I am trying to teach you how its thought system arose. When I remind you of your true creation, your ego cannot but respond with fear.

Jesus is emphasizing that the ego must be taught, and he is warning me that this teaching is going to be perceived as frightening to the ego. Even though relinquishment to the light is not its destruction, the ego feels threatened and will resist. Understanding this, there is no need to feel upset when I seem to resist the very thing I am trying to attain.

For instance, I have been using the prayer, “Reveal to me my innocence.” This prayer is very important to my ultimate goal, which is to return my mind to God, and yet I resist the thing I ask for. I judge myself and I see guilt everywhere I look. The ego mind, which I am still identified with, is terrified of change of this magnitude. When I resist my own desires it confuses me and makes me doubt myself, but understanding why I resist makes me feel more comfortable with this behavior. It is to be expected and doesn’t mean anything. With this clarity I am at ease with simply continuing my practice and disregarding the ego resistance. 

4 Teaching and learning are your greatest strengths now, because they enable you to change your mind and help others to change theirs. Refusing to change your mind will not prove that the separation has not occurred. The dreamer who doubts the reality of his dream while he is still dreaming is not really healing his split mind. You dream of a separated ego and believe in a world that rests upon it. This is very real to you. You cannot undo it by not changing your mind about it. If you are willing to renounce the role of guardian of your thought system and open it to me, I will correct it very gently and lead you back to God.

This sentence made me laugh. The dreamer who doubts the reality of his dream while he is still dreaming is not really healing his split mind. I laughed because that is what I do. It is such a good ego plan. I say I want to wake up and the ego part of my mind that doesn’t want to wake up proposes a compromise. I can learn that I am dreaming this life, which satisfies the spiritual ego, while never moving further out of the dream, which soothes the ego’s fears of destruction.

Jesus is reminding us that we really believe in our story of a separate ego and a whole world that rests upon it. If we believe that we are living this life, how can we teach ourselves that we are not actually living this life? It just is not possible. I can teach myself that this is a dream, but it will all be just a concept that I do not actually believe because I am believing the opposite.

There is only one way out of this and that is the plan of Atonement. Jesus found the exit and he is teaching us so that we, too, can get out. The only thing we have to do is to stop guarding our beliefs so that they can be changed. I am not being asked to do the impossible. I am not being asked to believe something that is diametrically opposed to my beliefs. I am asked only to stop defending those beliefs, to open my mind to the Holy Spirit, and allow them to be corrected for me.

The only thing stopping me from taking this easy step is my fear of change. I really do believe that allowing change to the ego thought system will destroy me. Jesus is using A Course in Miracles to gently teach me that this is not true. His whole job here apparently, is to convince me that I don’t have to be afraid of God, which is my true nature, my true Self.

That’s it! That’s all that is required of me! I only need to believe Jesus when he tells me that he relinquished his fear and it was ok. Not only did nothing bad happen, but it was actually salvation. Just let go of my fear, let my defenses go, and I am healed. I return to knowing instead of perceiving. I return to true creation. I return to bliss.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 6-12-13

6-12-13
2 Many stand guard over their ideas because they want to protect their thought systems as they are, and learning means change. Change is always fearful to the separated, because they cannot conceive of it as a move towards healing the separation. They always perceive it as a move toward further separation, because the separation was their first experience of change. You believe that if you allow no change to enter into your ego you will find peace. This profound confusion is possible only if you maintain that the same thought system can stand on two foundations. Nothing can reach spirit from the ego, and nothing can reach the ego from spirit. Spirit can neither strengthen the ego nor reduce the conflict within it. The ego is a contradiction. Your self and God’s Self are in opposition. They are opposed in source, in direction and in outcome. They are fundamentally irreconcilable, because spirit cannot perceive and the ego cannot know. They are therefore not in communication and can never be in communication. Nevertheless, the ego can learn, even though its maker can be misguided. He cannot, however, make the totally lifeless out of the life-given.

There are two ideas here that I want to think about. First Jesus tells us that we don’t want change. We think that peace lies in keeping the status quo. I know this is true because I see it in my own behavior. Change, no matter how much it might be helpful, causes anxiety. Our first experience with change, the separation, didn’t work out so well, so now we have a deep fear of change. This is the reason we have this big book and all these lessons. We are gently easing ourselves into a change that is beneficial. This change will bring us back to the changeless.

The second idea is that my self and God’s Self are in such profound opposition that there is no communication between them and never can be. The ego doesn’t know, but only perceives. God does not perceive, but only knows. The only thing I can use to imagine this is that they speak different languages and so cannot communicate with each other. That is not it, of course, because the difference is even more profound than that, but it helps me to imagine it.

At first that felt very scary to me, the thought that spirit and ego could never communicate, but then I realized that this is why we have the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was created for us so that we could return our mind to God when we were ready. It is through the Holy Spirit that we communicate with God. The Holy Spirit is our translator. He both perceives and knows, or to use my metaphor, He speaks both languages.

The way the Holy Spirit is helping is to teach the ego a new way of understanding, but this can only be done if I stop trying to protect my thought system and allow Him to change my mind. If I keep fighting change, I will prevent learning from occurring. This is why I use a very simple formula, based on the belief that I don’t know, and the Holy Spirit does know.

I begin with the premise that God Wills I be happy. His Will is peace, love and joy. There is only His Will and so if I seem to be experiencing something else, I must be experiencing something that does not exist. I know that the ego completely believes in what it shows itself through the body’s senses and so resists the idea that appearances are not to be trusted. But I go back to the simple thought that if it is not God’s Will it can’t be true no matter how real it seems to be. I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my faulty thinking and I accept the Atonement. By keeping it simple, I am able to resist the ego tendency toward complexity, which leads to confusion.

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Study of the Text 6-10-13

3 The journey to the cross should be the last “useless journey.” Do not dwell upon it, but dismiss it as accomplished. If you can accept it as your own last useless journey, you are also free to join my resurrection. Until you do so your life is indeed wasted. It merely re-enacts the separation, the loss of power, the futile attempts of the ego at reparation, and finally the crucifixion of the body, or death. Such repetitions are endless until they are voluntarily given up. Do not make the pathetic error of “clinging to the old rugged cross.” The only message of the crucifixion is that you can overcome the cross. Until then you are free to crucify yourself as often as you choose. This is not the gospel I intended to offer you. We have another journey to undertake, and if you will read these lessons carefully they will help prepare you to undertake it.

The useless journey, or the journey to the cross is death in its many forms. It is sickness, loss, lack, hatred, anger, fear, judgment, jealousy, and depression. Can you think of any other forms of suffering that you choose? All suffering is a form of death. Then, of course, there is the end of life, which represents the final death, or the final defense against God.

Jesus is telling me that this is done. He did this for me so I don’t have to do it anymore. He overcame death and in doing so it is done. All that is required of me is that I accept this gift and then it is done for me, too. His was meant to be the last useless journey, done for all of us and done for the last time. Instead, we have chosen sacrifice (a form of death). We have chosen to follow in his footsteps, endlessly reenacting the crucifixion while rejecting the resurrection which proved that death is not real and it proved that the ego/body/ cannot overcome God’s Will.

I say “we” because it is what we all do when we buy into sickness, suffering and death as inevitable parts of life. Here is what I have noticed in my own mind that finally convinced me that I have been embracing the useless journey rather than accepting the gift of Atonement. I have seen someone suffering and thought to pray for that person, and then wondered how I should pray.

They may be sick and I think I should pray for their healing. But then I wonder if it is my place to do this. What if their sickness is part of their lessons? Should I even pray for their body? Would that be reinforcing the idea they are a body and setting us both back on our journey? What if I pray for them and they don’t want to be healed? Should I overcome their own will to be sick with my will they be healed?

In my confusion I have once again chosen a form of death. I have chosen to suffer as I turn my back on my brother. I have chosen fear over love. What am I really saying as I hesitate to heal? Am I saying that sickness is the will of God? Am I saying that sickness in someone else is not my business, not my job to heal? Is there someone else? Or is their but one Son of God appearing as many?

The sick body I see, wherever I see it, is a symbol of death. It is a projection from a sick mind. When I see a sick body, I see a need for healing, and I pray for that healing. Because the cause of the projection is the sick mind, it is the mind that needs prayer. The body is a neutral thing that will reflect only what is in the mind, so it does not need my healing prayers. Once the mind is healed, it will reflect a healed body.

In a Course in Miracles we are told that if a person is not ready to accept their healing, the healing will stand back until it can be seen as gift. Healing will not impose itself on an unwilling mind. But the mind will inevitably accept the healing because the idea of a separate, personal will is as much an illusion as is the body. The Will of God will prevail because it already has. The healing will wait until the mind is healed of its fear enough so that it can accept what is already done. I need not fear that I will impose healing on someone.

I may believe that I pray for a sick body, or a financial ruin, or a shattered relationship, but always healing is of the mind that projected these beliefs. I reality, the prayer for healing is always the prayer that God’s Will be recognized as done. There is no form of suffering that reflects God’s Will. I will not hesitate to invoke healing for my brother or myself because I would not leave them or myself on the cross. That has been done for us. Let us not suffer any longer than necessary. Let us accept his gift and follow Jesus into resurrection and finally into ascension. That is the journey Jesus intends for us.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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