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Manual for Teachers, Development of Trust, P 7. 1-28-20

A. Development of Trust, P 7
7 The next stage is indeed “a period of unsettling.” Now must the teacher of God understand that he did not really know what was valuable and what was valueless. All that he really learned so far was that he did not want the valueless, and that he did want the valuable. Yet his own sorting out was meaningless in teaching him the difference. The idea of sacrifice, so central to his own thought system, had made it impossible for him to judge. He thought he learned willingness, but now he sees that he does not know what the willingness is for. And now he must attain a state that may remain impossible to reach for a long, long time. He must learn to lay all judgment aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstance. Were not each step in this direction so heavily reinforced, it would be hard indeed!

My problem when I was at this step was that I thought I could do this on my own. Later, I came to realize that there is no me alone; there is me with the Holy Spirit and me with the ego. When I think I am doing something on my own, I am actually using the split mind to do my thinking. I have learned to use the holy mind instead.

Another problem I had was that I wanted to decide what was valuable and what was valueless. I wanted to decide what I would keep and what I would release. This, of course, brought the ego into the process and derailed it. I learned that I want the Holy Spirit to decide for me because I have no other way of making good decisions. I no longer say, “Here is an idea, please help me decide if I want to keep it.” I say instead, “Here is an idea. Is it helpful? If not, please remove it.”

I have learned that I don’t even know what anything is for and so how could I make good judgments? I am lost in my mind, dreaming of a world that could never exist. Christopher Nolan’s film Inception features a classic optical illusion called the Penrose staircase, which folds back upon itself in space. You can walk it forever and never get anyplace but on the staircase. This is a perfect metaphor for our life here. Until we choose to allow ourselves to be led out of illusion, we are just walking the Penrose staircase.

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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy, P 4. 1-28-20

I. True Empathy P 4
T-16.I.4. True empathy is of Him Who knows what it is. 2 You will learn His interpretation of it if you let Him use your capacity for strength, and not for weakness. 3 He will not desert you, but be sure that you desert not Him. 4 Humility is strength in this sense only; that to recognize and accept the fact that you do not know is to recognize and accept the fact that He does know. 5 You are not sure that He will do His part, because you have never yet done yours completely. 6 You cannot know how to respond to what you do not understand. 7 Be tempted not in this, and yield not to the ego’s triumphant use of empathy for its glory.

Journal
What is required of me is full surrender. I don’t know what to say or do in any situation. I don’t know what anything means or what it is for. There have been times when I thought I did know. Someone was suffering and I thought that I knew how they felt and why. What I meant was that I knew how I would feel in that situation. And even then, I did not have what it would take to answer their fear based on my own feelings and my past experiences.
What a relief it is to know that I am not alone in responding to suffering. The sad fact of the matter is that I still believe in suffering. Not so much as I used to, but once in a while, I feel an answering pain and for that moment, I have joined in their suffering and made it stronger. This is not a helpful response, not for them, for me or for the Sonship. I remember that I am never alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts and so I want to offer my brothers healing and love, not pain and suffering. I want to teach strength, not weakness.

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Manual for Teachers, Development of Trust, P 6. 1-20-20

A. Development of Trust, P 6
6 Now comes “a period of settling down.” This is a quiet time, in which the teacher of God rests a while in reasonable peace. Now he consolidates his learning. Now he begins to see the transfer value of what he has learned. Its potential is literally staggering, and the teacher of God is now at the point in his progress at which he sees in it his whole way out. “Give up what you do not want, and keep what you do.” How simple is the obvious! And how easy to do! The teacher of God needs this period of respite. He has not yet come as far as he thinks. Yet when he is ready to go on, he goes with mighty companions beside him. Now he rests a while, and gathers them before going on. He will not go on from here alone.

It is at this step that I began to see that not only did I suffer when I made certain choices, but that I suffered every time I made those choices. It was the previous step that helped me to discern what was valuable and what was not so that I could make choices that would eventually enlighten me. Each choice for God brought more light into my mind. It really is simple. When faced with making a choice, I only have to ask if this choice will awaken me? If not, I would lose interest in it. Eventually. 

I also began to notice that the form didn’t matter, but was just an ego distraction that I used to keep me unaware that I was making the same error over and over. I was dressing the same error in various costumes and pretending they were, therefore, different and so needed to be investigated. Here is an example of this.

I used to feel guilty when I thought of a mistake I made raising my children. So, I would notice how this makes me feel, realize that it wasn’t bringing me closer to God and so accept the Atonement for this judgment. In other words, I forgave it. Then later, I would remember a time I was thoughtless and noticing that I felt guilty, I would bring this to the Holy Spirit for correction, too.

When I thought someone else was guilty, I felt just as bad as when I thought I was guilty. So, I would let that belief go as well. I continued to bring these guilt thoughts one at a time until finally I realized that no matter how you experience guilt; it is just guilt. The circumstances don’t change this basic fact. Transfer of learning was occurring and finally, I was able to forgive the belief in guilt itself.

When one gets to this place of relative peace and contemplation, it is an error to think it’s done. Having come through so much confusion and fear, and having made so much progress, then suddenly feeling this peace and having these insights is heady stuff. But one begins to see that all is not done. This was just a coffee break. ~smile~ It was also interesting to me that while passing through these various stages, it was not clear to me where I was. It was only in retrospect that I could discern the changes. I had to be out of it to see where I had been.

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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy, P 3. 1-20-20

Chapter 16: I. True Empathy P 3
T-16.I.3. Your part is only to remember this; you do not want anything you value to come of a relationship. 2 You choose neither to hurt it nor to heal it in your own way. 3 You do not know what healing is. 4 All you have learned of empathy is from the past. 5 And there is nothing from the past that you would share, for there is nothing from the past that you would keep. 6 Do not use empathy to make the past real, and so perpetuate it. 7 Step gently aside, and let healing be done for you. 8 Keep but one thought in mind and do not lose sight of it, however tempted you may be to judge any situation, and to determine your response by judging it. 9 Focus your mind only on this:

10 I am not alone, and I would not intrude the past upon my Guest.
11 I have invited Him, and He is here.
12 I need do nothing except not to interfere.

Journal
I used to say that relationships are hard. This is because I was trying to define the relationship and to control it so that it became something I thought I wanted. My relationships always suffered from my efforts to do this and so I was always working on them until I gave up and let them go. But then there were the relationships with my children. I couldn’t give up on them, and didn’t know what to do to repair them.

My problem was that I was always trying to heal the rifts that were there or that I imagined were there. But I didn’t know how to do this. I would hear my child say something that felt like an attack and then I would think of ways I had failed them in the past and I would feel like they were justified in their attack. I would try to do something to make up for the past but nothing seemed to work. I always felt separated from their love.

Eventually, I stepped aside from my desire to fix my relationships and from my desire to make up for past errors. I stepped aside and allowed the Holy Spirit to correct and heal. A strange thing happened. My children showered me with love. I didn’t do anything outwardly to cause this. Honestly, I think there was nothing wrong with the relationships in the first place. It was my guilt for imagined wrongs that was haunting me and overshadowing what was right before me.

Sure, I made lots of mistakes in the past and many of those mistakes involved my children, but I was the only one keeping score. Evidently, I was the only one who was judging me. My judgment of myself and my belief that my past sins were affecting my present relationships kept me from seeing what was right before me. Because of my distorted vision, I could not do anything to heal my mind and thus my relationships, but the Holy Spirit sees clearly and knows the truth about us. Stepping back and letting Him do His job corrected my thinking and healed my mind and what I discovered was love everywhere I looked.

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Manual for Teachers, Development of Trust, P 5. 1-16-20

A. Development of Trust, P 5
M-4.1.A.5 The third stage through which the teacher of God must go can be called “a period of relinquishment.” If this is interpreted as giving up the desirable, it will engender enormous conflict. Few teachers of God escape this distress entirely. There is, however, no point in sorting out the valuable from the valueless unless the next obvious step is taken. Therefore, the period of overlap is apt to be one in which the teacher of God feels called upon to sacrifice his own best interests on behalf of truth. He has not realized as yet how wholly impossible such a demand would be. He can learn this only as he actually does give up the valueless. Through this, he learns that where he anticipated grief, he finds a happy light-heartedness instead; where he thought something was asked of him, he finds a gift bestowed on him.

Studying A Course in Miracles I have come to appreciate how Peter felt when Jesus called him to get out of the boat and walk on the water toward him. And like Peter, I have often stepped out onto the water only to become overcome by fear and to sink back into the ego, doubt and uncertainty seeming to pull me under.

But what I did was to recognize my mistake in choosing the ego as my advisor and my interpreter. I would then choose again, though reporting this makes it seem simple and easy. It may have been simple but it was hardly easy. Giving up the idea that I was making my own choices outside either ego or Holy Spirit was hard. At first, it felt dangerous to consciously submit even to the Holy Spirit. What did He know about my happiness and about what was important to me?

Eventually, though, as my willingness grew from repeated practices, I began to surrender willingly, recognizing that, after all, Jesus was right. Everything is in my best interests. More and more frequently, I let go of trying to direct my life. Eventually, I came to understand that this charade I call my life was just a way to closely observe the effects of the beliefs I held, and that relinquishing a belief that brought me suffering was not a sacrifice at all.

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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy, P 2. 1-16-20

I. True Empathy P 2
T-16.I.2. The clearest proof that empathy as the ego uses it is destructive lies in the fact that it is applied only to certain types of problems and in certain people. 2 These it selects out, and joins with. 3 And it never joins except to strengthen itself. 4 Having identified with what it thinks it understands, the ego sees itself and would increase itself by sharing what is like itself. 5 Make no mistake about this maneuver; the ego always empathizes to weaken, and to weaken is always to attack. 6 You do not know what empathizing means. 7 Yet of this you may be sure; if you will merely sit quietly by and let the Holy Spirit relate through you, you will empathize with strength, and will gain in strength and not in weakness.

Journal
I’m thinking of how I might empathize through the ego. If I am told by a friend that her mother died and I feel a pang of loss myself and share that feeling of loss with her, perhaps talking about my own loss, that would be empathizing with the ego. I would be forming a special relationship, bonding through loss and pain, which would weaken us both.

So, how might I express true empathy? Perhaps, I would tell her I am sorry to hear that, and ask her when it happened so that she would feel invited to talk if that is what she needs. Perhaps I would invite her to share stories about her mother, again, so that she will feel invited to talk about her mom. I would remain open to Spirit to know what is needed and what would be truly helpful, strengthening us both.

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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy. 1-16-20

Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions
I. True Empathy
T-16.I.1. To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand. 2 That is the ego’s interpretation of empathy, and is always used to form a special relationship in which the suffering is shared. 3 The capacity to empathize is very useful to the Holy Spirit, provided you let Him use it in His way. 4 His way is very different. 5 He does not understand suffering, and would have you teach it is not understandable. 6 When He relates through you, He does not relate through your ego to another ego. 7 He does not join in pain, understanding that healing pain is not accomplished by delusional attempts to enter into it, and lighten it by sharing the delusion.

Journal
I used to think that empathy was to relate to the problem and to express that to the person who had the problem. For instance, if someone lost a loved one, I would agree with them how very hard this is and I would cry with them because their grief triggered my fear of loss.  I catch myself doing this very thing sometimes even now that I know better. I am always surprised at myself when I choose to form a special relationship through shared suffering. In doing this, I would be strengthening the belief in suffering for both of us. That is just plain crazy.

The question becomes, how do I relate to someone who is suffering? It would seem cruel not to respond at all and I’m not foolish enough to believe this is the time and place to talk to them about illusions. The solution is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is in my mind and will give me the words to say if I ask and then pause long enough to receive them. I sometimes do funerals and, of course, I go to funerals, more of them than before now that I am older. So, it is important to me that I follow Holy Spirit’s guidance.

When I am talking to a Course student, it is a little different. My assumption when a fellow student comes to me with a problem, they are hoping to receive some guidance from Holy Spirit through me. I will speak to them differently than I do with someone else but, again, I ask first so that what I share will be helpful. I do feel empathy in both cases because I have both grieved and been confused.

If I feel more than empathy, if I feel sympathy or a desire to share their suffering, I give it to the Holy Spirit and then I ask for words to share with the one in front of me. If I need to revisit the issue later, I do that when I am alone. One of the things I have noticed is that with grief, sometimes all that is required of me is a hug. And with other problems sometimes all that is needed from me is a listening ear. The important thing for me to remember is that my part is to be there, to be open and receptive. Knowing what to say or do is the Holy Spirit’s part.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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