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Study of the Text 2-13-13

2-13-13
(4) The miracle is always a denial of this error and an affirmation of the truth. Only right-mindedness can correct in a way that has any real effect. Pragmatically, what has no real effect has no real existence. Its effect, then, is emptiness. Being without substantial content, it lends itself to projection.

With my new house being half unpacked and work being done in it all around me, I feel very disorganized. I don’t know where anything is and I will put something down and not be able to remember where I put it because there is not yet a place for everything. For instance, when I received the invitation for the Mardi Gras Ball I put it someplace but then later couldn’t remember where. Normally, I would know exactly where it was, but with everything in disarray there was just no telling where I put it. I had to look all over the place until I found it.

Not only is my home life out of order and so harder to keep up with, but work has changed. I recently started sharing duties with another person and that is good, but now I have to get used to doing things differently. After working at the same job, with the same duties for over 16 years, suddenly I have to figure out a new way to do things. I feel ungrounded and vaguely anxious because I am concerned that things are not getting done in a timely manner.

I began to notice that the mind was obsessing with things like where I put something and would I be able to find it, and did I see a particular customer and was it time to return. Worry thoughts would go round and round in my mind and this is not peaceful. I asked for help with the mind chatter and the worry, and the thought I was given is that I can allow Spirit to be in charge.

I can ask that my day be guided by Spirit. I felt relaxed when I thought of this because I have done this often enough that I know it works and that it is, all around, a better choice. It is a good practice to ask Spirit for guidance rather than allowing ego to run the show. I am always listening to one voice or another. Why deliberately choose to listen to ego when I could so easily choose Spirit?

This is what I am doing now. I made my schedule for work Monday, asking for guidance. I am following that general plan, but leaving my mind open for guidance during the day. When worry thoughts about work come into my mind, it is easier to let them go because I know that I am not making plans on my own.

When I realized Tuesday morning that I didn’t know where some things were that I needed to pack to go out of town, I relaxed and asked for help. What I didn’t find I decided I didn’t need, or I could use something else instead. I remembered that what happens, finding what I need, leaving on time, organizing my work day, all of this is just what I do. It is not my purpose.

Remembering not to make plans on my own, letting go of the obsessive mind chatter, extending love wherever I go, stepping back and putting Spirit in charge… this is my purpose. Often during the day I ask, “What would you have me do now?” This is so much more effective and peaceful that making the decisions on my own and worrying that I am forgetting something. And this is how I go from wrong-minded to right-minded thinking, from stress to peace. This is how I accept the Atonement for myself. I allow my thinking to be corrected and the resultant peace is a miracle.

Before I asked for help and when I was anxious and worried about things, my mind was clouded. Jesus says that only right-minded thinking actually corrects. When I was trying to fix the world in the world, that is when I tried to fix my anxiety through obsessively worrying and organizing things differently, nothing was actually being fixed.

I was temporarily making a difference but the real error went untouched and so the anxiety returned. The effects of my efforts were not real and so nothing was actually done. I was busy so it looked like something was happening, but not really. Jesus says that without substantial content, the situation lends itself to projection. I had never noticed this before, but now, looking back on it, I see how true that is.

I notice that the anxiety in my mind was projected as a stiff neck and a headache. When my efforts to relieve the anxiety with more ineffective rearranging of the situation didn’t really work, I began to project blame. I felt like the contractor was not working fast enough and that I was not getting the support at work I needed.

To go from worry, anxiety, headaches and being angry and resentful with the people around me, to being peaceful and happy with only a change of mind, is absolutely a miracle. I didn’t affect the change, I only desired it. I wanted peace and I wanted to follow Holy Spirit more than I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to remember my purpose. Because this is what I truly wanted, my mind was healed and I returned to right-minded thinking which facilitates the miracle.

In other words, I didn’t make myself stop my wrong-minded thinking; I just wanted to stop and this desire invited the Holy Spirit into my mind to undo what I had done. I am always amazed that when I am caught up in wrong-minded thinking everything seems so complicated and out of control. Then when I change my mind it is so simple and effortless. It all just turns on a dime. From crazy to sane, just like that. ~smile~

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 2-12-13

2-12-13
13 Never confuse right- and wrong-mindedness. Responding to any form of error with anything except a desire to heal is an expression of this confusion.

Jesus is clear on this. First he tells us to never confuse right and wrong-mindedness, which means we probably do that all the time. How do we know when we make that mistake? If we respond to any form of error with anything except a desire to heal, we know that we have confused right- and wrong mindedness.

My grandson is wandering around the house looking for his phone. He is afraid he has lost it and is upset. He asks me for help, then gets annoyed if I ask him questions about it. My first thought is that he was the one who asks for help and who interrupted my morning meditation to do so. Now that I am trying to help, he gets short with me. I feel stressful about this and worry that he really has lost it and now it will have to be replaced. I feel resentment. This is wrong-mindedness.

I reconsider and ask Spirit to help me see this differently. I feel peaceful about the whole thing. I hear him rummaging around as he looks. I sense his fear and frustration in the sharp way he moves things, and the hopelessness he feels in the deep sighs. Just a moment ago I felt like getting up and looking with him. I wanted to fix this situation and make things right for him. Now I don’t.

I suggest he go to bed and sleep. Later he may find it. I know that he will find it, or he won’t. Either way is perfect. This is right-mindedness. My calmness and certainty is healing. I remember the truth that we are always exactly where we need to be. I remember that whatever problem we think we have has the potential to wake us up if we are ready for that, or to move us a little bit closer to awakening if that is what we are ready for.

There are no bad or good things going on in our lives, just potential. What will we do with it? Will we use it to move out of the illusion, or go deeper into it? How exciting each moment is as we make this decision, over and over. My grandson does not know this. He thinks that his world revolves around finding his phone. Momentarily I agreed with him, but I remembered something. I remembered who we are and what we are doing here. I remembered our purpose. This is right-minded thinking, and this is healing.

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Study of the Text 2-11-13

2-11-13
12 A clear distinction between what is created and what is made is essential. All forms of healing rest on this fundamental correction in level perception.

What is made? When I wonder if something is real, if it is created instead of made, I ask if it is eternal. Is this something that changes, or is this something that dies? These things are made. If it is eternal and if it is love then it is created. The ego mind cannot conceive of this. It appears to the ego as if I am saying that nothing exists, because the ego doesn’t really believe in anything it cannot see and it believes most strongly in that which it fears and hates and defends against. So to the ego mind, the idea of letting go of the belief in what is not real feels dangerous. It feels like annihilation.

As I am beginning to wake up, I am allowing my perception to be corrected. This is not as easy as it sounds. I spent years just getting to the place where I understood that special relationships are not actually love, and I am still in the process of allowing all of the many forms of specialness to be purified. It felt very frightening at first, and it is still an obstinate belief that I find hard to completely release. In the beginning it felt as if I were being asked to let go of love, but eventually I realized that in letting go of the belief in what I thought was love, I have made room for actual love.

Now I seem to be working on changing my perception of the body. This is not any easier. This too, this belief that I am my body, is a stubbornly persistent belief. I have done the lessons. I said that “I am not a body, I am free.” I have said it many times and practiced it in many ways, and yet I have not believed it. Now I am ready to look more closely at this belief in body, and I am ready to be healed.

This is what it feels like. It appears as if Jesus invites me to look at a layer of belief and to see that this is not true. It might take me months of looking at it as he shows me in many ways that this belief is false. Finally, I know that this belief is not true and it is as if the layer is peeled away. Then I get another invitation, and I begin to look at another belief that makes the body seem real.

I looked at pain through Lesson 190. I practiced it for months, using the pain I was in as many opportunities to practice the idea that pain could not be true because it is not of God. Eventually, my belief began to shift and I was able to experience this shift in form. Pain that had been pretty intense simply disappeared with no help from any magical solutions.

I did not change my circumstances. I did not find relief from medical intervention. I just began to believe that pain could not possibly be real and I did this through asking the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of this impossible belief. I saw many small but irrefutable proofs as I went through this process.

You would think after all that I would never experience pain again, but I do. Now, however, I absolutely know that I am doing this to myself and I ask that my mind be healed of any belief that it could be caused by something else. I know I did this, not through anything happening in the world, but through my thoughts and beliefs, and I ask the Holy Spirit to come into my mind and undo what I did. How long will it take before I stop doing this to myself? As long as it takes.

Recently, Jesus invited me to work with some of my magical solutions. The way he suggested we do this was to stop taking my Ambien when I couldn’t sleep and to not take pain pills when I experienced pain. He is helping me to let go of another layer of belief in the unbelievable. I am learning that the body does not create pain and insomnia. This happens in the mind, and by not reaching for the magical solution right away, I am allowing my mind to be healed of this belief.

Sometimes I will still take the medications, but even if I do, I realize that it is not the medication that makes the difference, but my belief in the medication that does the job. How very strange it feels to me now to take those medicines. It is almost a joke I play on myself and sometimes I laugh when I do it. So I know that the mind is being healed. Another layer is being peeled back.

Something else that happened recently is that a smoker sat near me and I had an old reaction. My eyes began to burn and itch and I wished I had some Visine AC to stop that feeling. It was so irritating that I decided to buy some. As I was getting in the car and while driving to the store, I was given the thought that it was not the cigarette smoke that caused the itching. I accepted that thought and more was revealed.

I saw that as the smoke had drifted to me, I had judged the smoker and felt resentment.  As soon as I realized that it was not anything outside me that caused the problem, but the thoughts in my mind that once again made the physical discomfort, the itching stopped. Changing the mind can be like a runner going full out and suddenly stopping. She does not just stop on a dime, but perhaps skids to a stop.

I let the realization that once again I had done this to myself roll around in my mind for awhile. I considered that maybe I was wrong and if I didn’t buy the Visine, it would start again. This is the ego mind arguing for its way. It wants to defend against the world and is adamant about that. I bought the Visine but by the time I got home I knew I didn’t need it. It has never been opened.

I see very clearly through these practices that it is essential that I understand that there is a difference in what is made and what is created. Anything that is made, the body for instance, has no creative ability. The body cannot make pain or disease, or discomfort, and since none of those things are creations, they are not real either.

The body nor the effects I experience in the body are real. They cannot be real because they are not part of creation. They are all the effects of a mind that has distorted reality to suit its purpose. Since the effects are not real, it can affect me only if I choose to believe in it. Now that I am accepting the Atonement, I am letting go of my perverse desire to twist reality into something unrecognizable as love. I am starting to see this healed perspective reflected in my world.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 2-8-13

2-8-13
A. Special Principles of Miracle Workers
11 The miracle abolishes the need for lower-order concerns. Since it is an out-of-pattern time interval, the ordinary considerations of time and space do not apply. When you perform a miracle, I will arrange both time and space to adjust to it.

I love that Jesus just said that time and space are lower order concerns. ~smile~ I have never really thought of it just that way, but of course it must be true. Time and space are just part of the illusion and have no reality. I think I will remind myself of this by meeting any concerns I have about time and space with the thought that they are just lower order concerns and not rigid and inflexible.

I have proven this to myself in the past, but I see now that I act like those moments were “special” and that there is a limit on the number of miracles I can expect so I should use them sparingly, and not waste them on little things. I see the error in that kind of attitude. The more I expect time and space to bend to my needs, the less I will believe in it. I have frequently seen time expand to accommodate my writing in the morning.

I will need to finish at a certain time and even though it doesn’t seem possible, I will do so and with no stress or concern about passing time. In fact, when I write with Spirit I often experience it as if it is a meditation and time and space disappear for me. The first time this happened it was quite startling, and I excitedly told everyone about it. Now I do it without the surprise, but with the same gratitude.

Another way I experience time and space yielding to the miracle is when I forgive a person or situation after it has happened. I can be in the middle of an argument, for example, and if I become aware of what I am doing, I can stop, forgive it, and return to peace. Sometimes, though, I am too deep into ego and I continue.

Later, when I return to sanity I will probably feel miserable about the whole thing, regretful and anxious. I simply stop, forgive it and return to peace. I expect that, having given it to the Holy Spirit and asked that my mind be healed, that He will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision.

It does not matter how long ago this happened. I have forgiven retroactively things that happened when I was a child. I wrote about some of these in a book I recorded for Pathways of Light called Healing Family Relationships. It is remarkable how perfectly forgiveness works and how little time and space matter.

I have had this experience with grievances that I have held for years, grievances against others or myself that are so painful or so shameful that I could hardly stand to think of them. And yet, after the forgiveness process I am free of the pain and can speak and write of them easily. They lose their sting and become just good examples of how forgiveness works. What a miracle that is!

I am going to add an excerpt from my audio book, Healing Family Relationships, as an example of this kind of retroactive forgiveness. In this example I was able to forgive my mom and in forgiving her, I forgave myself. Years of regret and recriminations fell away as if they had never happened. This happened after my mom had Alzheimer’s and was unavailable to me in the normal way.

At one time I would have lived in regret that I did not do this while she and I could still communicate, but by this time I understood that speaking with words, face to face, is the lesser kind of communication. I also understood that the miracle was not curtailed by time and space. Even knowing that, it was awesome to experience the healing.

From Healing Family Relationships.

Forgiving Mom
At some point I decided that I needed to forgive the grievance I was holding against Mom. It took a few tries because in forgiving the situation I was going to have to give up using Mom as the scapegoat for my sins, which meant I would have to take full responsibility for my life. This was very scary for me because it was my inability to be a “good” mother that caused me the most guilt and pain in my life. What would I do if I had no one else to share the blame? I felt like I would drown in it.

What made the difference for me was that I wanted to be free more than I wanted to be the innocent victim. So eventually I was able to ask with complete sincerity for help to see differently. I asked the Holy Spirit to look at this situation with me. This meant that I had to look with total honesty. I had to look at the rage I felt at my mother for the part I saw her playing in this. It is not a pretty thing to see my darker side and I resisted this for quite awhile. Who wants to face their own murderous desires? I think it is particularly hard when it is a parent because our parents are our stand- in for God. So it feels just like the original error being replayed again.

I had to look at my part in the situation and see that I wanted to set this up to make someone else guilty and to make myself appear innocent. That was not any easier. I really had to get naked here, take off my spiritual cloak and see my underlying desire to set up a situation to prove my innocence at my mom’s expense and then to cover it all in denial so that I could pretend I had nothing to do with it.

Convincing myself to be honest was the hardest part. Once I made that decision to be willing to see differently it was not as painful as I had anticipated. I did experience strong feelings of self hatred and guilt, but I knew I was not alone and that the Holy Spirit was looking with me. I became willing to turn my mind from the idea that my mom’s demands caused this disturbing situation; I remembered that I am the source of my experience. This is always, wholly, and completely the truth; under no circumstances is it not true. I am the source of all I experience.

Through my willingness to forgive, I was able to feel compassion for the young and frightened mother I was rather than feeling guilt and contempt for myself. I saw then that with this healing, there was no guilt within me to project onto my mom, and I felt compassion for her, too. She was only doing the best she could, just as I was doing the best I could. Rather than berating myself for my mistakes and blaming my mom for how I had turned out, I was able to see that she and I had much the same issues and that we spent this lifetime working on them together.

I finally began to feel deep gratitude and love for my mom and now I can’t wait to have a good laugh with her over all the years I held onto that silly grievance. I didn’t talk myself into this attitude, or reason myself into it. I just made room for the truth with my willingness to be wrong and to accept the Holy Spirit’s help. 

We have looked at the idea that we are completely responsible for everything that we experience. We see that we chose our parents and that we deliberately choose to set up our own victim stories. We see that the reason for this is so that we can keep our ego intact, and thus keep our separated, unique, individual self identity. We see that separation promotes guilt, fear, hatred, and depression. I wonder why I hold onto to it like I do. It hardly seems worth it.

We also see that the way to correct the situation is through forgiveness. It is necessary that we forgive ourselves for choosing the ego, and that we forgive others for the projection of this separation choice that we place on them. The easiest way I know to do this is to simply notice the effects of separation when they show up in my life, then look at it with the Holy Spirit.

I am willing to forgive myself for the error and so the Holy Spirit gives me a new way to look at it. I can then look at the one who mirrored this for me and forgive my projection onto them. I will be able to see this person differently if I do this, to see this person as innocent. Seeing the innocence of whoever I am working with at the moment will remind me that I am innocent as well. What a lovely circle of forgiveness and healing this is.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 2-7-13

2-7-13
10 Charity is a way of looking at another as if he had already gone far beyond his actual accomplishments in time. Since his own thinking is faulty he cannot see the Atonement for himself, or he would have no need of charity. The charity that is accorded him is both an acknowledgement that he needs help, and a recognition that he will accept it. Both of these perceptions clearly imply their dependence on time, making it apparent that charity still lies within the limitations of this world. I said before that only revelation transcends time. The miracle, as an expression of charity, can only shorten it. It must be understood, however, that whenever you offer a miracle to another, you are shortening the suffering of both of you. This corrects retroactively as well as progressively.

I have a student that I have seen as accomplished far beyond what she has done here in time. I have seen her this way from the start and I have had no doubt that she would catch up to my vision of her. We have been working together long enough that I have seen this happen. It was easy to do this and my certainty seldom wavered, and when it did, I just asked for healing in my own mind. I didn’t have to talk myself into this, it was just that way.

With some people this is not so easy. I have to ask for help to see more clearly. I honestly don’t know why this is so, other than I am distracted by what I see with my eyes and so overlook the truth that lies behind the illusion. But I have noticed that, over time, I more often look with charity. Here is what this looks like to me.

A student comes to me with a lot of confusion in their mind. The student may be angry or fearful. He may be unable to accept the basic precepts of the Course. His relationships might be in shambles, or he may be experiencing physical or financial problems. What I see is the light in the mind that draws him to the truth in spite of the challenges in his life. No matter what he says or does, I see the light.

I know that we are together because I can see that light and I know that the light will grow in brightness until it overshadows the darkness. Sometimes my vision is so clear that it is hard for me to believe that he doesn’t see it. But I have done this enough now, and had my own experience of it, so I am not discouraged by anyone’s lack of vision. I am patient because I know that, in the end, it will all unfold perfectly. This will happen whether I get to see it or not.

The reason we have been brought together is because he needs my vision of him, that is he needs me to accept the Atonement for him until he is ready to do this for himself. I need the gifts that he brings to me. I will gain from the relationship in some way. That is the dance of life and Jesus arranges our dance cards because he knows exactly who to bring together for the most gain for both.

The dance continues for as long as it is beneficial. Sometimes the student moves on to someone else who has the next part. Sometimes the student moves on to take on students of his own. Sometimes, to my delight, the student becomes the teacher and I the student. It’s always a surprise however it unfolds. Because I understand my part, I am not concerned about the ending.

When I first started taking students, I felt a lot of stress because I did not always seem to be doing my part. It would seem like I had failed because I could not see with charity or because the student seemed unwilling to accept my vision. That happened because my mind was still confused and I was still looking at this through the ego where failure and success were reasonable concepts. But I kept working with Spirit and the tangled mess that was my mind began to unravel and I let go of the judgment that had me in such confusion.

Now I operate on trust. I trust that I am where I am supposed to be and each of my relationships is perfect for our next step. I trust that if I have doubts, those doubts will fade into nothing as my mind is healed. Of course it is not always as smooth and seamless as it appears when I write about it here. Sometimes it feels frustrating as I waver between sight and vision, but I trust that light in my own mind to strengthen eventually and I will be able to see again.

Looking back on my life I see what Jesus means when he says that whenever I offer a miracle to another, I am shortening the suffering of both of us. I didn’t start off with the certainty and the patience that I have now. But each time I chose to give what I could, the next time I had more to give. In joining with my brother I was teaching myself that we are one. As I closed my eyes to appearances, my Inner Eye opened and showed me the truth. This is what shortens the suffering of both. The more often I see clearly, the easier and more natural it becomes.

Jesus says that this corrects retroactively as well as progressively. The best way that I can understand this is to remember that time is not real. I think of time as running before and behind me and this is just not true. Actually, there is no time and all things happen at once. Since I am stuck here in time for a bit, the way it appears to me is that as my mind is healed now, it affects what came before and after.

I might understand this better one day or have better words to explain what I do understand, but while here I will never really get it. Whether or not I understand it, I am delighted to think that time as I know it does not really exist and so I am not stuck in my errors. Otherwise, I would spend eternity dragging around the past and so nothing would really be undone.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 2-6-13

2-6-13
9 Healing is an ability that developed after the separation, before which it was unnecessary. Like all aspects of the belief in space and time, it is temporary. However, as long as time persists, healing is needed as a means of protection. This is because healing rests on charity, and charity is a way of perceiving the perfection of another even if you cannot perceive it in yourself. Most of the loftier concepts of which you are capable now are time-dependent. Charity is really a weaker reflection of a much more powerful love-encompassment that is far beyond any form of charity you can conceive of as yet. Charity is essential to right-mindedness in the limited sense in which it can now be attained.

I am intrigued by the sentence that says, in part,
… charity is a way of perceiving the perfection of another even if you cannot perceive it in yourself.
My first reaction was surprise. How could this be? How could I perceive someone as perfect if I were unable to perceive my own perfection? But thinking about it, I realized that I do this. I probably do this nearly every time I pray for someone else. My prayer is not words so much as it is a certainty that this person is perfect as God created her and therefore she cannot be limited in the way she believes she is.

I am not just saying those words, I know those words are true. I feel them to the very core of me. And this is true even if I am in crisis. In my prayer for this person, I step out of my self, and allow truth to flow through me. It may be only temporary, and depending on the depth of my own personal fear, I may go back to my own crisis after the prayer. Or sitting in the truth for that moment may be enough to wake me up from my own nightmare.

I think it can happen like this because when I am in crisis I have temporary amnesia. The truth hasn’t gone anyplace and is still in my mind. The need for it brings it forward in my mind. My desire to be helpful clears my mind enough to allow Spirit to work through me. If I am in a lot of fear at the time, the fear may roll back over the truth but it may not.

As I think about this, I realize that this has always been true, even before I had any understanding of it, even when my faith was weak. I am sure that this is because the truth does not need my understanding. All that is required of me is that I want the miracle for the one I pray for, and that my desire for the miracle be strong in that moment. I don’t think it has anything to do with my “abilities” at all. In fact I don’t think it has anything to do with “me” at all. In prayer, or miracles, I willingly step back and allow it to flow through without help or hindrance.

Something else I notice is that doing this for others increased my willingness to be the healer, as it increased my willingness to be healed.

Healing and miracles are temporary help and will no longer be necessary when we wake up. Charity is a bit of Love, not the whole thing, a kind of shadow of the real thing. When we are no longer believe in time and space we will no longer need healing or miracles, and we will experience Charity differently, but right now they are an essential part of our awakening process.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 2-5-13

Paragraph 8 continued
8 The fear of healing arises in the end from an unwillingness to accept unequivocally that healing is necessary. What the physical eye sees is not corrective, nor can error be corrected by any device that can be seen physically. As long as you believe in what your physical sight tells you, your attempts at correction will be misdirected. The real vision is obscured, because you cannot endure to see your own defiled altar. But since the altar has been defiled, your state becomes doubly dangerous unless it is perceived.

I am still reading this paragraph.  Yesterday my attention was drawn to the idea that we are afraid of healing because we don’t really accept that healing is necessary. I looked at the fear of God as the source of this confusion. I recognized that I spent many years being afraid to look at my defiled altar because I was afraid to see what I had done, and afraid I would be condemned for my error. Thank God, (quite literally) that I am undoing that belief as I consistently look at the mistaken beliefs with a willingness to see differently.

And yesterday I thought about how the healing actually takes place. I accept the Atonement and my mind is healed, then I project this healed vision on my world. Now that I have accepted that healing is necessary, I want to look more closely at the actual healing. Just as I was once confused about how the healing translated in the world, I was also confused about asking for healing and asking for healing of others.

When I use the word healing it covers anything that proceeds from a wrong-minded thought, anything that is born of a separation thought. This applies equally to all thought errors whatever form they might take. I don’t see any difference in lack of physical health or lack of money or lack of friendship or a strained relationship. Guilt over past behaviors, fear of heights, expressions of unworthiness, grievances and projections, blame, anger and indifference, all are the same error. And all of them are a call for healing.

I am mostly using physical healings as examples right now because this is what Spirit is helping me with at this time. He seems to want me to fully accept the unreality of the body and so this is what He is showing me in many ways. This is why He offered me the opportunity to let go of sleep aids and pain pills. He wants me to observe that I can use magic solutions to deal with these problems or I can use His power to do the same thing. In accepting his solution I am learning that the pills are as illusional as the body.

I noticed that using the pills pulled me deeper into the dream. Using them kept me focused on the body, when to take them, how often, how I felt when I did and didn’t use these magical solutions. It began to seem like the world revolved around my body and its need for sleep and freedom from pain. Everything I did was scheduled around my need for sleep and how it would affect the pain in my body.

I have followed Holy Spirit’s guidance and am learning to see pain differently and now am learning to see sleep differently. I feel like a person who has suddenly been released from a life sentence. I don’t make social plans based on how it will interfere with my sleep. I don’t schedule customer visits so that I can be sure I have had the “right” amount of sleep. I don’t allow for extra time in my schedule to take frequent breaks to relieve the stiffness and pain. I’m free! Woohoo!

The most important thing that happened, though, is that when I followed Spirit’s guidance, I stopped digging the hole any deeper. That is, I stopped going deeper into the illusion and, instead, began breaking its hold on me. Holy Spirit helped me to understand that nothing I could see would cure me. Ambien helps me sleep only because I decided it would. As I was making the transition, I would suddenly decide I really do need the Ambien and there were a few times when I would take one and nothing would happen. “Very funny, Holy Spirit. But I got your point.”

The timing on this was impeccable though. By the time this began to happen to me, I noticed that my mind had been healed enough that there was no longer any fear about the pill not working. I just shrugged my shoulders and assumed I either didn’t need the pill or didn’t need the sleep. And so he taught me that both were true. But what I was learning at the same time is that I didn’t need the pill or the sleep because the body is not the cause of the problem and so the problem is not solved through the body.

The body is not creative. It cannot create sleep disorders. This situation occurred in the mind and was then projected onto the body (which itself is a projection from mind.) Obviously, the solution would have to begin in the mind. As the mind is healed, the projection changes as well. Always it is the mind that is healed. The body and everything about the body is a projection that comes either from a healed mind, or a sick mind.

In the past when I was sick, I would ask that the body be healed. Then after I started studying the Course, I realized that this was not right, but I didn’t really understand why because my mind was not clear yet. I didn’t think that I am meant to suffer, but had enough understanding to know that repairing body is not the aim of healing. I just could not reconcile the two thoughts, and so I was confused. I didn’t know how to pray.

Eventually I began to fully embrace the metaphysics of the Course and to accept that I am not the body, and that the body is as much illusion as everything else in form. When I realized that, I understood prayer for healing better. I began to realize that the body was receiving the projections of my beliefs, so it was my beliefs that needed to be healed. It was only one small step from there to realize that when the mind is healed it can only project a healed body. Ah, now I see that I am not meant to suffer, and I see how it works. I am so grateful.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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