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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-14-12

Day 104
5 Anger in response to perceived magic thoughts is a basic cause of fear. Consider what this reaction means, and its centrality in the world’s thought system becomes apparent. A magic thought, by its mere presence, acknowledges a separation from God. It states, in the clearest form possible, that the mind which believes it has a separate will that can oppose the Will of God, also believes it can succeed. That this can hardly be a fact is obvious. Yet that it can be believed as fact is equally obvious. And herein lies the birthplace of guilt. Who usurps the place of God and takes it for himself now has a deadly “enemy.” And he must stand alone in his protection, and make himself a shield to keep him safe from fury that can never be abated, and vengeance that can never be satisfied.

This phrase is most meaningful to me: …the mind which believes it has a separate will that can oppose the Will of God, also believes it can succeed. When I read that, I felt it in my gut. I know the Course has been trying very hard to get me to understand the source of my guilt, and then to understand that the guilt is unfounded. But it has been hard for me to embrace this idea.

Intellectually I can accept it, but I can’t feel it. This phrase is helping me to more fully accept that I harbor a deep reservoir of guilt which affects everything I believe, and this guilt was born of the belief that I can and did separate myself from God, and that I have a will that is in opposition to God.

Only recently have I understood that the whole world as I see it is a projection of that guilt, a repository for the guilt that is so deeply buried that I am, on the surface, unaware of it. Letting go of the idea that the stories of my life are the source of my fear and guilt has been very hard for me to do. I will think I understand this, but then I notice I still look to my stories for the cause of how I feel.

I had to stop and laugh because just this moment I was thinking that I woke up feeling draggy and was wondering what caused it. Did I sleep too hard? Was it a dream I had? Was it working such a hard week and not sleeping well during the week that caused this draggy feeling this morning? It is, indeed, hard to remember that the cause is not to be found in the story.

Something else that has helped me very much came from The Teachings of Inner Ramana. It talks about fear, but fear and guilt are so closely associated they are interchangeable. This is what it says.

The mind is afraid because the unnatural is not natural. The mind that has forgotten reality knows that something is wrong, but it does not know what that is. It projects stories in an effort to give itself a reason for its fear, but it cannot find the answer it seeks because it is looking in the wrong direction. Its fear does not come from its own projections, and so solutions to those projections cannot end the fear.

My sluggish body is the projection and not the cause. Figuring out how to wake up energetic is not the way to solve the problem. That is looking in the wrong direction.

This really helped me to see that the fear and guilt came from someplace else, not from what was happening in my life. In fact, what was happening in my life came from the fear and guilt that the Course has been trying to help me see. It must be some incredible fear and guilt for me to bury it so deeply that I seem unable (or perhaps more truthfully, unwilling) to extract it. But now I know that I will never be rid of the guilt through trying to fix the story.

As I look back on my life it is as if it were made of one guilty, fearful situation after another with me always trying to make up for something. I would do something that caused circumstances that made me feel guilty and I would then try to fix it, or be a better person to make up for it. I never caught up. I see now that this is because all those things I did were caused by the buried guilt in my mind. Trying to fix the story was like trying to repair the reflection in the mirror. I really was looking in the wrong direction.

I still don’t feel the full burden of that guilt, and that’s ok. I am willing for this slow and gentle healing. I am willing to take the next step and the next. The Holy Spirit knows the perfect path for me and I am content to walk it. I continue to watch my stories and notice what yet needs healing within my mind. I am being guided now to see my innocence and for that I am supremely grateful.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-13-12

Day 103
4 Perhaps it will be helpful to remember that no one can be angry at a fact. It is always an interpretation that gives rise to negative emotions, regardless of their seeming justification by what appears as facts. Regardless, too, of the intensity of the anger that is aroused. It may be merely slight irritation, perhaps too mild to be even clearly recognized. Or it may also take the form of intense rage, accompanied by thoughts of violence, fantasized or apparently acted out. It does not matter. All of these reactions are the same. They obscure the truth, and this can never be a matter of degree. Either truth is apparent, or it is not. It cannot be partially recognized. Who is unaware of truth must look upon illusions.

I am happy to say that I really know that it is always my interpretation of a fact that causes my anger. I am never angry that something happened or that someone said something. I am angry because of the meaning I gave that something. It is helpful for me to remember that there are no exceptions to this rule. It is always true regardless of the apparent circumstances.

How does knowing this change things for me? When I become angry with someone I don’t try to figure out how to change them or the situation. I know that they are not the problem. I look to my own mind for the belief that needs to be healed. Sometimes the circumstances can be so compelling that I become temporarily confused. I know that this is my problem, but for a bit I can’t see how that could be. So I have some processes that help.

One thing I can do is to write down on a sheet of paper what happened. I put only the basic fact or facts. An example might be that my boss yells at me for something I absolutely did not do and did not have any control over. I feel very angry. In the wash of emotion I may find it hard to understand why this has anything to do with me. I am innocent and I don’t do that to him or anyone else, I think. My mind is confused because I am holding these two conflicting thoughts. It is my perception that is causing the problem and it is his behavior that is causing the problem.

So I get out my paper and I ask the Holy Spirit to sit with me as I do this exercise and to do it in a way that helps me. I write the fact down; my boss yelled at me for something I didn’t do. Then under that sentence I make a list about every thought I have concerning this situation beginning with, “he is wrong”.

He has no right to yell at me at all. He is taking his upset out on me. I am an innocent victim. He’s treating me with no respect. If he can yell at me for something I didn’t do, can he fire me for something I didn’t do? Sure he can. No matter how hard I work or how good a job I do, he can lose his temper and I lose my job. These will probably lead into more thoughts and I write down all that come to me.

Then I fold the paper so that the first line is on one side of the fold and the other side holds everything else. The side with the one fact (Katie calls it the first generation thought) is the only thing that happened. The other side of the paper is my interpretation of what happened. Just doing this exercise is helpful to me when I am confused. Now I remember that I have given this situation all the meaning it has for me. Everything under the fold is that meaning.

Once this has been established, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me see this differently. If I am ready to choose peace then peace is given me. If not, then I may have to do some more work. One thing I might do is get out a Byron Katie worksheet and ask the Holy Spirit to help me fill it out. This can also give me more clarity and help to bring me to the place where I am ready for healing.

Another way I do this is to sit with pen and paper or maybe at my keyboard, and tell Holy Spirit all about it. Then I ask Him for help, and begin to put down what comes into my mind. This is very powerful. The answer may be the same thing I can read in the Course or some other book, or hear from a teacher, but when it comes from within, it has far more impact.

The work is never about me healing my mind; it is about me desiring healing more than I desire to project blame. Once I truly want healing, I am healed.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers4-12-12

Day 102
3 It is easiest to let error be corrected where it is most apparent, and errors can be recognized by their results. A lesson truly taught can lead to nothing but release for teacher and pupil, who have shared in one intent. Attack can enter only if perception of separate goals has entered. And this must indeed have been the case if the result is anything but joy. The single aim of the teacher turns the divided goal of the pupil into one direction, with the call for help becoming his one appeal. This then is easily responded to with just one answer, and this answer will enter the teacher’s mind unfailingly. From there it shines into his pupil’s mind, making it one with his.

Pam calls me every week and we talk about the difficult relationship she has with her husband. Very gently we explore this relationship and each time she realizes that her husband is not the source of her unhappiness, and she ends the hour with a renewed desire to focus on her own mind, and each week she forgets this. Each week we start the process over again and it appears as if we are not making any true progress.

When I listen to the thinking mind I wonder if we are wasting our time. I wonder if I am doing something wrong and maybe I should suggest someone who would be better able to help. I think maybe I should say something to her, something that would give her a mental shake, get her to try harder or be more serious about moving through this.

If I were to listen to the ego mind and act on those thoughts I would be attacking my student. I would be making the problem real for her by telling her that she needs to work harder or do something to make a change. Right now those thoughts are just passing through my mind and I can just let them pass through. But if I begin to focus on them, I will say something whether I plan to or not. Even if I don’t say something, our one mind will be affected by the belief.

When Pam and I first started talking we shared one goal; we wanted to join in healing the mind. If I listened to the ego impatient mind, we would no longer share a single goal, because now I would have a different goal. I would have a perceived best outcome and I would have a timetable, and I would think the goal would be to get Pam to that outcome and to do so in a timely manner. In my mind Pam’s goal would be to meet my expectations, and my goal would be to succeed in getting her to do that.

Now whatever I say to Pam to encourage this goal of mine will be an attack, and will engender fear in Pam that she cannot do this, that maybe she cannot heal and be happy. And it will engender fear in me that I won’t be successful in helping Pam and so will be a failure. If carried too far, I will start to project my fear onto Pam and believe it is her fault I am failing and that I feel so bad.

If instead I see the thoughts and ignore them, and stay true to our one shared goal, I will trust the Holy Spirit to guide my words and actions. I will wait for His answer to be in my mind before I say anything. Without a perceived outcome and without a need to make something happen, the counseling will move at a pace and in a direction that is not my concern. I will trust that Love will find its own way in its own time. Pam cannot fail and neither can I because our goal is one and Love cannot fail.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-11-12

Day 101

2 There is, however, a temptation to respond to magic in a way that reinforces it. Nor is this always obvious. It can, in fact, be easily concealed beneath a wish to help. It is this double wish that makes the help of little value, and must lead to undesired outcomes. Nor should it be forgotten that the outcome that results will always come to teacher and to pupil alike. How many times has it been emphasized that you give but to yourself? And where could this be better shown than in the kinds of help the teacher of God gives to those who need his aid? Here is his gift most clearly given him. For he will give only what he has chosen for himself. And in this gift is his judgment upon the holy Son of God.

Jesus says that we may be tempted to respond to magic in a way that reinforces it. I am aware of that temptation in myself at times. This is usually a temptation when someone else’s magic belief is also my belief. It may not be one I acknowledge, and if it is one I deny in myself, the reinforcement may not be obvious. This makes sense because I am keeping the belief a secret from myself, so I will need to keep the reinforcement a secret, too.

Yesterday I mentioned that while I was at the hospital with family, we got into a conversation about illnesses. I noticed that I still reinforce the belief that sickness is a result of outside forces, and I did this in an effort to be helpful. “Have you tried this? I heard that works” It’s the kind of thing nearly everyone does, and it seems like I’m just trying to be helpful, but the ego’s hidden agenda is to make the illusion of illness more real and to limit the solution to the ego choices.

Jesus emphasizes that as I reinforce these beliefs I am doing so for the person I am speaking to, but also for me as well. It is as if the one to whom I am responding is showing me the prison he inhabits and instead of offering him a key to release the door, I put another bar in place. Since I am in agreement with him, we share this prison and so I have reinforced both his confinement and my own.

Now as I write this I have another choice to make. I can judge my behavior and feel guilty for my lapse in which case I reinforce the ego identity and fall deeper into the illusion of a false self. Or I can allow myself to be exactly where I am in every moment without judgment. In the hospital setting I was confused about my identity. Now I am not. I am not guilty for my confusion. It is judgment and the resultant guilt that makes me hide what’s happening, and what is hidden cannot be healed. Without judgment and guilt I feel happy and excited to see how easy it is to change my mind.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-10-12

Day 100
7. HOW DO GOD’S TEACHERS DEAL WITH MAGIC THOUGHTS?

1 This is a crucial question both for teacher and pupil. If this issue is mishandled, the teacher of God has hurt himself and has also attacked his pupil. This strengthens fear, and makes the magic seem quite real to both of them. How to deal with magic thus becomes a major lesson for the teacher of God to master. His first responsibility in this is not to attack it. If a magic thought arouses anger in any form, God’s teacher can be sure that he is strengthening his own belief in sin and has condemned himself. He can be sure as well that he has asked for depression, pain, fear and disaster to come to him. Let him remember, then, it is not this that he would teach, because it is not this that he would learn. 

Its obviously very important that we learn to deal with magic thoughts, for our own sakes as well as those we teach. We always get what we give, and so if we teach magic we learn magic. It is these magic thoughts that keep the illusion in place and prevent us from awakening from this illusion.

I know I still do this. I still have many magic thoughts, and sometimes its hard to see them. I know that I am listening to ego when I am upset in any way, but I am pretty clever at hiding my beliefs from myself. I was trying to think of an example this morning because examples from my life help me to see more clearly.

I over slept this morning and so was running behind on my time. Also I had an early appointment so I was anxious about how I could do my study, get ready for the day and pack my car for the week out of town. I am unwilling to skip any of those things that needed to be done. My customer had told me that he would call if he needed to cancel, so I thought that might happen, was hoping it would happen.

I don’t like feeling anxious and now that I know it is not necessary and that anxiety is a choice and therefore avoidable, I stopped and thought about today’s reading.

I asked Holy Spirit to help me because my mind was still wrapped in a fog of ego confusion. I was looking at appearances and believing them so it was hard to see the magic in the thinking. When I asked for clarity, I saw that I believed several thoughts that are in that category.

When I saw that I had over slept I thought about how groggy I felt even though I had enough sleep, and immediately the ego mind went to work finding excuses and reasons including my age, and my extra busy weekend. I thought about articles I have read about sleep deprivation and how long it takes to catch up. The ego always directs my attention outwardly. This is magic thinking.

If someone had spoken to me this morning I might have expressed the ego beliefs, much as I sometimes do when people start talking about their illnesses. I might tell them what I know about that illness, share something I read, suggest possible treatments. This response is so hard for me stop.

While at the hospital this weekend I did exactly this, and even as I did it I knew it was not good. When I asked the Holy Spirit what I could say instead, the thought I had was to listen in the moment for His words, and if I could not do that then just listen to the person speaking rather than adding to the error.

Looking for a story to explain my unhappiness is magic thinking because the story is the result, not the cause. I will never find the cause in the story; therefore I will never fix the cause. The cause is in my mind, my thoughts and beliefs

Sharing in someone’s delusion about anything is magic thinking and only adds to the illusion, increasing their fear and their belief in what is not true. In both these cases I am teaching a lie and therefore learning the lie, so I am doing double harm. Holy Spirit, I understand that when I am not extending love, I am attacking. Please help me as I watch my mind for this kind of thinking. First, I would do no harm.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-9-12

Day 99
11 Is not this an exchange that you would want? The world would gladly make it, if it knew it could be made. It is God’s teachers who must teach it that it can. And so it is their function to make sure that they have learned it. No risk is possible throughout the day except to put your trust in magic, for it is only this that leads to pain. “There is no will but God’s.” His teachers know that this is so, and have learned that everything but this is magic. All belief in magic is maintained by just one simple-minded illusion;-that it works. All through his training, every day and every hour, and even every minute and second, must God’s teachers learn to recognize the forms of magic and perceive their meaninglessness. Fear is withdrawn from them, and so they go. And thus the gate of Heaven is reopened, and its light can shine again on an untroubled mind.

It’s Saturday night about 6pm and I get a call from my sister-in-law. She heard from Methodist Hospital in Houston, Texas. The Transplant Center there has put her on standby for a heart and two lungs. Standby! This means she may well get the long awaited organs she needs to remain in this body for awhile longer.

She has been waiting for so long, and her life been such a long, difficult and often frightening series of emergencies, it seems my mind is having trouble making this adjustment. We share our gratitude for this opportunity and then she has to hang up so that she can pack and get ready for the call to head for the hospital. It’s a 3 hour drive and time will be of the essence. When she says she’s packing my mind finally makes the leap. This might be happening!

I am stirring the roux for an Easter gumbo. Gumbo is always better the next day and so my plan was to cook it tonight and put it in the refrigerator to let the flavors blend and strengthen. Sunday night my kids and grandkids would come over for supper and it will be just right for them. I have a seriously intense headache and it seems to be a migraine. Catching it quickly will probably stop it before it gets really bad, but the medicine makes me drowsy so I am getting as much done as I can before I am too sleepy to finish. Now with this phone call, plans are changing.

The ego mind goes to work on the problem right away trying to figure out how to get everything done so that I can get to Houston before Brinda goes into surgery. I’m laying out all sorts of possible scenarios and possible plans but I’m not doing well with it, what with the headache, the medicine and drowsiness, and the unreal quality of the situation. Could this be really happening for my sweet sister-in-law?

The more I think, the more anxious I become. I will probably miss Easter supper but maybe my kids come over and eat the gumbo since I have to finish it. Way too far into the process to just stop right now. I’ll need to pack because its impossible to know if I will be there overnight or for days.

Have to shower and dress. Is there gas in the car? Calls to make to see if I can get someone to drive me there because of the medicine I just took. I know I can’t stay awake for that drive and I wonder how I will stay awake for the whole night, something I can’t imagine doing even under the best of circimstances.

I get another call from Brinda. She is in the car and John is driving her to the hospital! Okay, this really is happening, and I have to complete the task at hand and get everything ready. It feels surreal as I try to operate out of the fog of medication and drowsiness and very confusing as I try to multi-task from this state. I notice I am feeling resentful and while I know that’s just an ego response to the anxiety, I now feel guilty.

What is my sister-in-law supposed to do, ask the hospital to call her back when they have another three organs that fit her small body, but when it happens at a more convenient time? Ok, no matter how pushed for time I feel, I need to stop and ask for guidance. I need to put the ego mind aside and give God my full attention.

The immediate thought that appears in my mind is that I am to have thoughts of joy and peace. It seems almost ludicrous in the face of all my ego thoughts of confusion and the ego is really pushing for making lists and moving fast. But I remember what we read just the other day, and that I’ve been practicing. Start the day with thoughts of God. I did that. End the day with thoughts of God and I know I will do that. In between, have thoughts of joy and peace. Now??!!

And then I felt the rightness of this guidance and knew it didn’t come from the ego. I opened my heart to it, and just like that, I felt peaceful. I asked what I should do next and I did that. I was absolutely amazed and gratified to see how effortless this is and how perfectly it worked. I had fun! I got everything done and arrangements made. My grandson helped me pack my stuff into the car and I picked up our friend, Mary Daw who would be doing the driving. Together we got my other sister-in-law, Jenny, and off we went.

I sat in the back with headphones on and ACIM playing on my I-Pod, and with off and on light naps, I let the medicine work its way through my system. The sounds of my companions in the front, seat laughing and talking, were the background for this ride, and we made it to Houston in good time. I felt peaceful and happy, and the feelings continued all through the night as Brinda was receiving her new organs. We all kept John company and chatted and took little cat naps as we could. 

I could only marvel as I watched the rules I have about careful planning, and the body laws I have about needing sleep, just fall away like the nonsense they are. My gratitude overflowed as I sat with my friends and my brother. I felt gratitude for the opportunity to trust the promises Jesus made in the Course. It was amazing to see these promises work in my life as I opened to them. I felt so much joy as I allowed myself to surrender my efforting and to just be carried.

Twelve hours later, at about 7:00am, the doctor called us back. Brinda was doing well, the organs were working and we got the chance to see her. Five hours later we got to talk to her and see that everything was going well. She couldn’t talk yet, but we could see that she knew we were there and loving her. This morning she is sitting in a chair by her bed!

There is no circumstance that stands outside God’s plan. This morning as I wrote this, I felt a thrill when I read, “All through his training, every day and every hour, and even every minute and second, must God’s teachers learn to recognize the forms of magic and perceive their meaninglessness.” And for sure my mind is untroubled as I allow the light of Heaven to shine on it.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-7-12

Day 98
10 There is no substitute for the Will of God. In simple statement, it is to this fact that the teacher of God devotes his day. Each substitute he may accept as real can but deceive him. But he is safe from all deception if he so decides. Perhaps he needs to remember, “God is with me. I cannot be deceived.” Perhaps he prefers other words, or only one, or none at all. Yet each temptation to accept magic as true must be abandoned through his recognition, not that it is fearful, not that it is sinful, not that it is dangerous, but merely that it is meaningless. Rooted in sacrifice and separation, two aspects of one error and no more, he merely chooses to give up all that he never had. And for this “sacrifice” is Heaven restored to his awareness.

What really stands out to me in this paragraph is the sentence that says: Yet each temptation to accept magic as true must be abandoned through his recognition, not that it is fearful, not that it is sinful, not that it is dangerous, but merely that it is meaningless.

When I look back on my life I see that I have always felt guilty for one thing or another, even beginning when I was a very young child. When I began to study the Course, I learned that guilt is never helpful and I started watching my mind for guilty thoughts and asking the Holy Spirit to help me see differently. But guilt has a deep root in my mind and I noticed that I felt guilty for having those thoughts, and guilty that the same thoughts would appear over and over again.

I seemed never to get to the end of it. It felt very circular as I tried to relinquish guilt and then felt guilty for my apparent failures. When I did the lessons with the Holy Spirit’s help, many of His messages to me were directed at this guilt. He helped me to relax into the study and the processes. He reminded me often that I was innocent.

I read a very helpful passage in The Holy Spirit’s Interpretation of the New Testament. It says: The choice you make will seem to be made many times in complete sincerity and truth of heart. And then you will seem to slip and forget the choice you have made. Do not let this distress you. Simply make the choice again. That really helped me to let go of the concerns I had about my seeming failures.

Jesus has been trying to tell me all along that my substitute for truth is without effects and that it is simply meaningless. The ego will insist I have reason to be afraid and that I have reason to be guilty but this is wrong. There is only one thing I need to do, and that is to accept that I have been mistaken and that my mistake has not changed anything.

I spent a long time learning to recognize my mistaken beliefs, and learning that they have no value so I can let them go. Now I am learning that their effects are not real effects. Jesus talks about possibly having a phrase to say when needed that will help anchor me to the truth. The one I often use is, “I will disregard these appearances.”

I will not be afraid of them, or feel guilty for them, or try to change them. They are not important enough to warrant that kind of attention. I will simply disregard them because they are meaningless. The only value they have for me is that they point to a belief that is not true and that I will release.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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