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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-20-12

Day 80
8 Teacher of God, do not forget the meaning of sacrifice, and remember what each decision you make must mean in terms of cost. Decide for God, and everything is given you at no cost at all. Decide against Him, and you choose nothing, at the expense of the awareness of everything. What would you teach? Remember only what you would learn. For it is here that your concern should be. Atonement is for you. Your learning claims it and your learning gives it. The world contains it not. But learn this course and it is yours. God holds out His Word to you, for He has need of teachers. What other way is there to save His Son? 

I had supper with my friend Alisha last night. What a teacher of God she is! Her life is the lesson she holds out to the world. When I am with her I learn serenity, peace, acceptance, and consistency. When I leave her my mind is calmer and I am happier. It is our lives that teach. Our words are just the caption under the picture. Sometimes the words are congruent with the picture and sometimes not.

I don’t wake up in the morning thinking, “Today I will be a good teacher of God as I do only this and this and this.” I don’t wake up thinking, “Today I will be a teacher of God so I will say only these words or those words.” I wake up thinking, “I choose to be God’s Teacher today. What would You have me do? What would You have me say?” I give my willingness. It is not a matter of self-will, of efforting. It is about surrender. I choose to surrender my self to my Self. Then I get to watch the show. Will Myron remember her purpose today? Will she live that choice?

Yesterday I asked for a way to loosen my hold on a stubborn grievance and I was given the reminder that the Son of God is innocent. This is true no matter what the story seems to indicate. That proved to be a very helpful practice and applied to so much more than the one person and one situation.

It was helpful, not because I said the words, but because I desired to be free of the grievance. You wouldn’t have guessed that considering how tightly I was holding onto it, but I did truly desire release. The ego part of the mind wanted to be right, but the Heart desired freedom. If I had not really wanted to let go of the grievance the practice would not have brought me release. It is the prayer of the Heart that is answered, not the words.

Holy Spirit, when I first became aware of a desire to surrender, my willingness was just a tiny seed. My practice has watered that seed and it has grown. I am grateful. This morning you have helped me to see that I have seen surrender as a willing sacrifice. I didn’t realize this. Thank you for the clarity. I know that God does not want my sacrifice. I am willing to do this in joy instead. I am willing to surrender happily. I may need a little help.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-19-12

Day 79
7 Do not forget that sacrifice is total. There are no half sacrifices. You cannot give up Heaven partially. You cannot be a little bit in hell. The Word of God has no exceptions. It is this that makes it holy and beyond the world. It is its holiness that points to God. It is its holiness that makes you safe. It is denied if you attack any brother for anything. For it is here the split with God occurs. A split that is impossible. A split that cannot happen. Yet a split in which you surely will believe, because you have set up a situation that is impossible. And in this situation the impossible can seem to happen. It seems to happen at the “sacrifice” of truth.

I have a forgiveness lesson that I have tried to avoid. Because I do not want to forgive this man I have avoided any situation that puts me in proximity with him. I have told myself that I can forgive him some other time, that since I don’t have a lot to do with him it doesn’t matter if I put off forgiveness. I have told myself that it is just this one person, and that’s nothing compared to all the people I have forgiven. I have been kidding myself, obviously, since Jesus is telling us that sacrifice is total and that the impossible split happens when I attack anyone.

Why would I ever separate myself from God? Well, I’m doing it right now. The split didn’t just happen one time, it happens again and again and again. I keep the split in place every time I attack. My attack against this man is that I see him as guilty. His behavior seems to prove my judgment against him. I look at his behavior and I want him to be guilty, then I don’t want to be anywhere around him. I have split him off from the Sonship and decided that he is the one who really is guilty and not deserving of forgiveness. Now the Sonship is no longer whole, and so the truth is not true.

Oh jeez, Holy Spirit, I cannot keep this grievance and be at peace. Even though I see that this grievance is an attack on God, that it is keeping me in hell, that it is completely opposed to my one purpose, I hate the thought of giving it up. I need help.

Holy Spirit: You do want to give up this grievance, dear one. That is why you have asked me for help. You also want to keep the grievance. That is the nature of the split mind. This conflict in your mind is exhausting. Rest in me awhile and let your mind be still. (I did this and when I was comforted and at peace I heard more)

When your desire to return to your purpose is complete, the grievance will be gone. You know I cannot pluck it from your mind and save you from your self. You must give it to me because you do not want it anymore. Your decision to forgive keeps getting derailed as you return your attention to the ego story you created to justify your anger and keep it in place. There is only one thing true about this man and this situation; the Son of God is innocent. As your mind wanders to the story again, return it to the truth.

Do not become confused and distracted by the story. This is not about this man’s behavior. This story is just a symbol of the guilt you imagine to be in your mind. It is just another attempt to project it outward. It is your attempt to distract God from your guilt by showing him the guilt in someone else. You don’t want to give up the grievance because it seems to be your salvation.

There is no guilt, Myron, but you make yourself feel guilty through your attempt to displace the imagined guilt. Your efforts to project the guilt actually make you feel guiltier and the need to hide your “sin” from yourself makes it impossible to forgive it. The story is just a device. The man is just a place to put the guilt you believe in so that you can pretend you don’t believe the guilt is yours. So forget the story.

Bring your mind back to the truth. The Son of God is innocent. Let your mind linger here. Let the truth fill you and bless you. Each time you feel the grievance try to reestablish itself in your mind, remember that the story of this man is not the truth. He is innocent. You are innocent. Put your trust in God rather than the ego attempt to protect you from your guilt.

Me: Holy Spirit, I keep returning to the story and when I do I can’t see innocence and I forget that the story has the purpose of providing me with a way to defend against God. The story, when believed, becomes very important to me. It seems wrong to discount the story, and my mind becomes confused again. But already it is so much easier to shift my attention back to the truth.

I thank you for helping me to see what it is actually happening. I will use every return to attack as an opportunity to remember the truth. I trust that my mind will be healed because I trust You.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-18-12

Day 78
6 You may believe this course requires sacrifice of all you really hold dear. In one sense this is true, for you hold dear the things that crucify God’s Son, and it is the course’s aim to set him free. But do not be mistaken about what sacrifice means. It always means the giving up of what you want. And what, O teacher of God, is it that you want? You have been called by God, and you have answered. Would you now sacrifice that Call? Few have heard it as yet, and they can but turn to you. There is no other hope in all the world that they can trust. There is no other voice in all the world that echoes God’s. If you would sacrifice the truth, they stay in hell. And if they stay, you will remain with them.

What is it that I would “sacrifice” to answer the Call to service? What is it that I want and will have to give up? Special relationships, of course. The “right” to righteous indignation. I would have to give up being a victim, seeing guilt in others and myself, and feeling sorry for myself, and of course there goes all that delicious drama. I will have to give up all those hours of rehashing past stories of my life. I would have to give up the hope that I will finally think of the one story that will bring me perfect happiness. I would have to give up sickness, pain, and death. The belief that letting these go is sacrifice is a sickness in my mind. Holy Spirit, please heal me.

I have heard God call me to teach, as have each of you who are reading this. Our teaching is essential to the plan of salvation. We are the voice of hope in the desert. Would we sacrifice that trust for another go at the illusion? We began this experiment in separation so long ago that the memory is lost to us. We have nothing else to gain from staying. Surely, we tire of it now, and that is why we answered God’s Call. I will not turn my back on that Call now. I will not stay in hell, nor leave any part of my one self in hell.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-17-12

Day 77
5 What is the real meaning of sacrifice? It is the cost of believing in illusions. It is the price that must be paid for the denial of truth. There is no pleasure of the world that does not demand this, for otherwise the pleasure would be seen as pain, and no one asks for pain if he recognizes it. It is the idea of sacrifice that makes him blind. He does not see what he is asking for. And so he seeks it in a thousand ways and in a thousand places, each time believing it is there, and each time disappointed in the end. “Seek but do not find” remains this world’s stern decree, and no one who pursues the world’s goal can do otherwise.

As I have thought that giving up self requires sacrifice, I have missed the point. It is the illusion that asks for my sacrifice. To believe in illusion I must deny the truth; that is, I must sacrifice truth. The special relationships I have been talking about are an example of this. I hold tightly to them because I think they are my salvation. I think they are the source of my happiness.

In order to maintain the belief that my special relationships are the source of my happiness, I must sacrifice the truth, which is that the special relationship is not pleasure, but pain.  What do I sacrifice in the embracing of specialness? Well, the special relationship demands that I give up my Self, my unity with All That Is. I must pretend to be small, fragile, vulnerable in every way. I must suffer inevitable loss, and in fact, have come to accept that crushing loss is the price one must pay for love. The greater the love, the more awful the loss when it finally comes.

I suffer great pain to bring the child into my life. I watch in fear as the child lives its life; fear it will be hurt, will be sick, will be snatched from me by a vengeful God, as surely I deserve since I snatched my self from Him. I give less than is asked of me and suffer crushing guilt all my life. I give the child my all, and watch as he spends that life moving further and further from me, taking with him the love I have dedicated my life to building.

I watch each of his accomplishments with pride and love, but also with fear as each accomplishment brings him closer to independence, and so further from me. If the child manages to navigate the dangers of the world and grow into an adult, I then feel that I have “sacrificed” years of my life to his constant and vigilant care and am now reduced to staring at the phone in hopes of a call.

This is the ego’s idea of love. It centers on fear, sacrifice, and loss. And yet, the ego insists that God who is asking for the sacrifice when He asks that I give up my special relationships. The ego warns me that God wants to leave me with nothing.

It is becoming increasingly clear to me that the true sacrifice is believing in the ego version of love. This belief strips me of the memory of Love so completely that I am afraid of it. Who really remembers what it means to love without fear, without sacrifice of any kind? Who is it that does not associate love with loss? Who can remember that love is eternal and unchanging and that nothing that is done or said or experienced can affect it in any way? Who can remember what it is like to know ones self as Love? This is the true sacrifice, this memory, this certainty, this Self.

I have misunderstood sacrifice, and like everything else in the illusion, have seen it upside down. I have clung to sacrifice and called it salvation. I have turned my back on salvation and called it sacrifice. Thank you God for clarity. Please help me to be vigilant for the confusion in my mind so that I can let it go. Now that I am more aware of the true order of things, I am also more sensitive to the discomfort of my confusion and more ready to be corrected.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-16-12

Day 76
4 God’s teachers can have no regret on giving up the pleasures of the world. Is it a sacrifice to give up pain? Does an adult resent the giving up of children’s toys? Does one whose vision has already glimpsed the face of Christ look back with longing on a slaughter house? No one who has escaped the world and all its ills looks back on it with condemnation. Yet he must rejoice that he is free of all the sacrifice its values would demand of him. To them he sacrifices all his peace. To them he sacrifices all his freedom. And to possess them must he sacrifice his hope of Heaven and remembrance of his Father’s Love. Who in his sane mind chooses nothing as a substitute for everything?

Jesus assures us that we will not regret giving up the world of our dreams. He says that no one who has escaped this world will miss it, nor will they condemn it. That is an interesting statement. I can’t speak from personal experience about what it is like to no longer be confused. I have read books by those who have become self-realized, and they seem to find more joy and beauty in the world now that they no longer see it the way I do.

Byron Katie (in A Thousand Names for Joy) speaks of washing dishes as if it is a sublime pleasure. It makes me long for that experience. I even tried it. I tried to open to an experience of being one with the dish, the soap, the water… but evidently you can’t fake it.  It just felt like washing dishes to me. But then I have all sorts of stories attached to dishwashing and none of them are particularly joyful. As Katie often asks, I wonder what it would be like to be me without my stories.

Jan Frazier (in When Fear Falls Away: A Sudden Awakening) talks about what it is like to be suddenly awakened and she too has experienced this world in a much different way since fear fell away for her. She doesn’t hold any grudges against the world that used to be such a source of fear and suffering for her.  Seeing the world without her stories projected onto it seems to be a real joy for her. She says: There is a presence within you that has never suffered. It lives in joy that has no cause. It is who you most deeply are.

It doesn’t sound like either of these women miss the world they no longer see one bit. They don’t sound like they regret their awakening either.

I find their books helpful in many ways, especially A Thousand Names for Joy, which I listen to in its audio version often. I cannot make their experience mine by reading about them, but it has helped me accept that I am not being asked to sacrifice anything to experience spiritual liberation.

I know that Jesus has been saying this all along in the Course (that God does not want my sacrifice) but somehow I have had a hard time shaking lose of this idea. I don’t understand this stubborn belief in myself. I could swear that I don’t believe that awakening requires any sacrifice on my part, and that I want it more than anything. And yet, if that were true, I would be writing my own book about the experience of living awake, instead of writing about the process of letting go.

Holy Spirit, I have said to you that I am tired of suffering and that I am ready to fully surrender to You. You have since helped me to see the beliefs I still cling to and I am grateful. This has been harder than it needs to be, and I am sure it is because I am having trouble going with the flow. I seem to be trying to swim against the current as I try to escape from the feelings associated with these beliefs. Please help me to let go of my resistance and just let it be. I am willing to go wherever you would have me go, but I don’t want to prolong the trip anymore than necessary.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-15-12

Day 75
3 Once this confusion has occurred, it becomes impossible for the mind to understand that all the “pleasures” of the world are nothing. But what a sacrifice,-and it is sacrifice indeed!-all this entails. Now has the mind condemned itself to seek without finding; to be forever dissatisfied and discontented; to know not what it really wants to find. Who can escape this self-condemnation? Only through God’s Word could this be possible. For self-condemnation is a decision about identity, and no one doubts what he believes he is. He can doubt all things, but never this.

An example of a “pleasure” that I have valued and allowed to define me is the special relationship. The only enduring special relationship I have ever had is with my children. Even though I had considered myself a failure in many ways as a mom, my children persist in loving me and thinking well of me; I think even liking me. And yet, I have never felt secure in these relationships and since I value them above all else, I have gone to great lengths to keep them in place.

As I look at these relationships with the Holy Spirit I see that I have used bribery, sacrifice, martyrdom, guilt and fear to bind my children to them. I remember when my youngest child graduated from college and moved away, I felt bereft, adrift and anxious. When a very short time later he needed my financial assistance I remember the flood of relief that came over me. That was my first clue that something was seriously sick in this relationship. But it would be a long time before I was able to look at my thoughts without judgment and allow the Holy Spirit to help me see what was going on.

Because I believed that I could not be happy without the special relationships in my life, I condemned myself to misery. Special relationships are inherently guilt driven and destined to fail. What will not fail is the certainty that if I continue to hold onto the specialness in a relationship I will never experience real love, and if I don’t know Love, I will not know my Self. I fully understand the fear of letting go of special love because it seems to be all that I have ever known and yet, holding onto the specialness is what prevents me from knowing Love.

I have grasped these relationships so tightly and for so long that it has taken me a very long time to let them go. I am still letting go, but now it is easier because I see that the specialness I thought was precious was actually painful. It defined me in ways that diminished me, and in my desperation to hold onto it, I tried to teach those I loved that they were needy too. Specialness defines me as separate from others, and holds that belief in place. I believed in this definition of myself until I began to accept the Word of God through His Voice. I am letting go of my definition of my self and accepting His definition instead.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-14-12

Day 74
2 It takes great learning both to realize and to accept the fact that the world has nothing to give. What can the sacrifice of nothing mean? It cannot mean that you have less because of it. There is no sacrifice in the world’s terms that does not involve the body. Think a while about what the world calls sacrifice. Power, fame, money, physical pleasure; who is the “hero” to whom all these things belong? Could they mean anything except to a body? Yet a body cannot evaluate. By seeking after such things the mind associates itself with the body, obscuring its Identity and losing sight of what it really is.

In this paragraph Jesus points out that it is only the body that receives the “gifts” of the world. In the story from the point of view of Myron, she is our hero. Over the course of her life so far she has accumulated very little, really, but she is very protective of her little kingdom. She has special relationships with her children, which she jealously guards and is ever on alert in case something should disturb the delicate balance that holds them bound to her.

She has a good job that pays well which requires diligent effort to maintain lest the enemy steal her customers or the company realize she is not indispensable to them. Hardly an hour goes by that she does not have a plan in action to protect that bit of her kingdom.

She has a relatively healthy body to carry her through the rest of her life but it is proving to be something of a disappointment as it is giving into the pull of gravity and is showing signs of aging. It is useful still, but every look in the mirror is a reminder of its fragility and its ultimate demise.

Who is it that makes these evaluations? It cannot be the body itself, so it must be the mind and as Jesus points out, this is the real problem. By placing value in the destructible, the weak and the vulnerable, our hero has identified herself with these qualities, and therefore has forgotten who she is.

The more absorbed she becomes in maintaining her fragile kingdom the more obscure her reality becomes to her and the greater the feeling of sacrifice at the thought of its loss. She is the bag lady, living in a box under the bridge, afraid to go asleep because something might happen to her she own treasures if she fails to guard them closely, never realizing that it is all worthless anyway.

Myron, you’re confused, honey. You’ve placed such great value in all the wrong things. Wake up, sweet lady! Wake up and let go of this worthless and distracting illusion. You cannot imagine the joy and the peace that await you. You can walk away from your false kingdom, and all you need do is lose interest in it. You will lose nothing of any value and will walk into your Self.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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