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Study of Manual for Teachers 2/17/12

Day 48
5 The real basis for doubt about the outcome of any problem that has been given to God’s Teacher for resolution is always self-doubt. And that necessarily implies that trust has been placed in an illusory self, for only such a self can be doubted. This illusion can take many forms. Perhaps there is a fear of weakness and vulnerability. Perhaps there is a fear of failure and shame associated with a sense of inadequacy. Perhaps there is a guilty embarrassment stemming from false humility. The form of the mistake is not important. What is important is only the recognition of a mistake as a mistake.

6 The mistake is always some form of concern with the self to the exclusion of the patient. It is a failure to recognize him as part of the Self, and thus represents a confusion in identity. Conflict about what you are has entered your mind, and you have become deceived about yourself. And you are deceived about yourself because you have denied the Source of your creation. If you are offering only healing, you cannot doubt. Doubt is the result of conflicting wishes. Be sure of what you want, and doubt becomes impossible.

This is very helpful. Any time I doubt the outcome it is because I am confused about who I am. I have identified with the ego self and separation is the opposite of healing. When I heal it is the Holy Spirit within me rising to answer the Holy Spirit in the “other.” It is true joining, true union. There is no place for ego in this.

If I return my attention to the ego self, I have placed a gap between us and healing is no longer possible because union is no longer possible. I fill this gap with thoughts of self; “how do I do this,” “what if I fail,” “what will people think?” It is no longer about healing, about joining. It is now about me in exclusion of the other.

When I offer healing, that is my prayer. When I doubt who I am, I now have conflicting prayers. My prayers are that I will look good, I will be successful, I will not fail. Where is my prayer that my brother and I will join in truth and wholeness and the perfection of creation? How can I expect this outcome when I am confused about who I am?

The solution to this is very simple. Let me recognize the mistake as a mistake. When I was dealing with the situation with my son’s sickness I see that I made this mistake. I began by praying for his healing, but when I became distracted by the appearance of continuing symptoms, I fell into ego thinking. I was no longer joined in healing with him, but became egocentric. It was all about me; it was about my fear of failure, my pain, my sense of helplessness, and my guilt.

When I finally saw this as the error it was, I surrendered as ego and allowed the Self to fill me instead. As I let go of identifying with ego, all of that self-doubt fell away, too. As Self there is no room for doubt, and no room for “me” as separate from him. As I heal, he heals because there is no separation.

It occurs to me that this is equally true of all forms of healing, not just physical. I think of a friend with a problem and I pray for her healing. I know she is healed and I have no problem with doubt. I don’t need to see her accept the healing, because I know she is healed and will accept it when she is ready to.

Another time she has a problem and I pray for the perfect resolution to that problem, but I notice doubt and confusion in my mind. I have the same kind of egocentric thoughts in my mind that Jesus describes; fear of failure, guilty embarrassment.

I realize that I have the same problem she does, and so I believe in the problem and not the solution. Now it is my mind that needs to be healed. I have forgotten who I am, and am identified with the ego self. I recognize it is just a mistake, and I ask that my mind be healed. In my acceptance of the healing, it is offered to my friend who will accept it when it is time for her to do so.

As I consider the contrast in those two instances, I see very clearly what Jesus is telling me in these two passages. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing me this additional clarity.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 2/16/12

Day 47
4 One of the most difficult temptations to recognize is that to doubt a healing because of the appearance of continuing symptoms is a mistake in the form of lack of trust. As such it is an attack. Usually it seems to be just the opposite. It does appear unreasonable at first to be told that continued concern is attack. It has all the appearances of love. Yet love without trust is impossible, and doubt and trust cannot coexist. And hate must be the opposite of love, regardless of the form it takes. Doubt not the gift and it is impossible to doubt its result. This is the certainty that gives God’s teachers the power to be miracle workers, for they have put their trust in Him.

When I read this section I think about the time my son was very sick. I prayed for his healing, and was discouraged because his symptoms continued. I became confused and thought I had not prayed right or that my prayer was not being answered. My confusion came from thinking I knew how the prayer should be answered. It also came because I forgot that I was praying that my son’s my mind be healed, and so was looking to his body for proof. I was also insisting he accept the healing whether he was ready for it or not.

While he was still experiencing symptoms he would call me to talk about it. He was so sick and was also afraid because he didn’t know what was wrong or what to do about it. I felt really bad for him and expressed my concern because that is what love does. But is that true? Does love doubt? Does love fear? What if I put my fear and doubt into words? What if I gave my feelings words?

“Toby, you want to be whole and perfect but I don’t see that happening for you. You just don’t seem willing to accept this. Maybe if you were stronger and less vulnerable. Maybe if you were not so weak. As it is, I have prayed and prayed and you just won’t get well. I’m started to feel like you are proof that my prayers are inadequate, and I resent this. I’m tired of feeling helpless before your helplessness and fearful before your fearfulness. Please get well or stop torturing me with your stories of refusing to get well. Oh God, what a horrible mom I am. I can’t help you and now I resent you.”

Of course I didn’t say these words or even think them, or at least I didn’t let myself realize I was thinking them. That’s a nifty trick of the ego, that instant amnesia when the thoughts are too revealing. But even without my active participation in the thoughts, they do their job of keeping me in hell. And looking at them like this, seeing what it means to doubt a healing, I have no trouble understanding what Jesus tells us. Continued concern is attack, not love. If doubt is not love, and clearly it isn’t, then it must be hate.

I came back to this situation because it is a very clear example of an unhealed healer attempting to heal. When finally through surrender I prayed truly with my friends, I received a healing. It was my own healing. I let go of the need to see any change in my precious son. I let go of the need to see him meet my expectations, and gave him the gift of my acceptance. I released him to be sick or even to die if that was important to his lesson. This was my healing. His followed shortly after.

I often write about this situation because it was such a profound healing for me and was rich with many lessons that transfer in my life to other situations. When it happened I didn’t see how all the lessons at once; I only felt the deep peace that comes from healing. I see that all my errors stemmed from one. I doubted the gift. I doubted its Source. As Jesus says,
Doubt not the gift and it is impossible to doubt its result. This is the certainty that gives God’s teachers the power to be miracle workers, for they have put their trust in Him.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 2-15-12

Day 46
3 It is in this that the teacher of God must trust. This is what is really meant by the statement that the one responsibility of the miracle worker is to accept the Atonement for himself. The teacher of God is a miracle worker because he gives the gifts he has received. Yet he must first accept them. He need do no more, nor is there more that he could do. By accepting healing he can give it. If he doubts this, let him remember Who gave the gift and Who received it. Thus is his doubt corrected. He thought the gifts of God could be withdrawn. That was a mistake, but hardly one to stay with. And so the teacher of God can only recognize it for what it is, and let it be corrected for him.

As I read about healing in the Teacher’s Manual, I am beginning to understand that as I am healed, that is as I accept the Atonement for myself, I will be a healer. I will heal all the time simply by my presence and my certainty. My mind will be a light that shines away the darkness of sickness as it shines away the darkness of false beliefs.

This is not true for me right now. I have moments of clarity and in those moments I am a healer. Sometimes I do this intentionally as I pray for a healing and those are the times when I might look for proof, and of course, in the looking, I express doubt. My doubt takes me out of the state of clarity that allowed healing, and now I need healing. As the saying goes, “Physician, heal thyself,” or more correctly, “Healer, heal thyself.”

So does this mean I cannot heal until I am fully realized or completely awake? No, at those times when my mind is clear and I am totally surrendered to Holy Spirit, I am an instrument of healing. That I retreat back into fear does not negate the moment when I was in Love. And neither is it a lost moment because the feeling of being even a shadow of my true self is a powerful inducement to continue my practices. Failing to stay in a more awakened state is not a failure at all, just another step toward total realization, as I use it to ask for healing.

Holy Spirit, please help me to remember Who it is that heals. When I am tempted to think the personality self is doing this, shake me awake. OK? Then we’ll have a good laugh.

PS: I had an interesting experience last night. I began to notice a feeling of sadness and unease. I couldn’t find a “reason” for it, but it kept deepening and soon I was crying, just sobbing. I felt momentarily lost, like being in the dark and not being able to find my way out, so I started looking for the light.

It’s funny to be in that state. I know this is not right, yet cannot really reason myself out of the feeling. I just kept saying the truth to myself as phrases came to me. Like, “This cannot be real because it is not God.” (That’s how I look for the light.) Then I had the thought, “Stop fighting the feeling and just let it be.” So I did that.

As I let the feeling wash over me without resistance, I realized how contracted I had been around that feeling, and the more contracted I became the more fearful it felt. I guess the contraction itself is fear. Anyway, as soon as I stopped fighting it and accepted it as perfect, it went away. A few minutes later, I had a few seconds of crying and then it was gone completely and I felt light and happy. I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t sad or crying. It was an inner joy that was welling up in me.

I have no idea what that was about. I guess I don’t need to know. It was some kind of release. The ego mind wants to make up a story so that it feels some kind of control, but I am happy just to let it be without my understanding.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 2/14/12

Day 45
2 Whenever a teacher of God has tried to be a channel for healing he has succeeded. Should he be tempted to doubt this, he should not repeat his previous effort. That was already maximal, because the Holy Spirit so accepted it and so used it. Now the teacher of God has only one course to follow. He must use his reason to tell himself that he has given the problem to One Who cannot fail, and must recognize that his own uncertainty is not love but fear, and therefore hate. His position has thus become untenable, for he is offering hate to one to whom he offered love. This is impossible. Having offered love, only love can be received.

Jesus reiterates that an offer of healing is complete. If I doubt it has worked, there is no reason to repeat the healing, but rather, it is reason to return to my own healing. Doubt has arisen because I forgot Who it is that does the healing. I have forgotten that I am only the channel, through which healing occurs.

Still, it seems harsh to say that I am now offering hate rate than love, but if I think about it, I can see how this is true. If I think I have failed, this throws me into fear, and fear is hate. I have a friend with a chronic illness and I have prayed for his healing. There is little obvious sign that healing is taking place if I look at his body. When I begin to doubt that I did anything at all, I feel guilty as if it is my fault and I feel that if I were more worthy, the healing would occur.

In this frame of mind, I notice more ego thoughts creeping in. I have thoughts that it is really his fault. He is stubborn and doesn’t want to accept the healing. Its his fault he got this way. If he had a better life style, he would never have gotten sick. If we were more worthy, had been on a spiritual path, or would get on one, he would do better.

I feel ashamed of these thoughts and recognize them for the attack that they are. I see that I feel like I must attack this good friend of mine, because I must defend myself against the guilt I feel when I look at him. I began with the loving thought that I know he is not his story, and I know that he is perfect because of who he is. I know that he is healed because that is God’s Will. Then when I did not see the proof of healing I expected, that love became hate. It is the ego way.

Healing is always of the mind. Sometimes it also occurs in the body. Sometimes the patient needs time to accept the healing so as not to create more fear in his mind. I cannot know what is best for this person. Holy Spirit please heal my mind of these false thoughts. My brother does not need my hate, and neither do I. I am happy to disregard appearances and place my full trust in you.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 2/13/12

Day 44
7. SHOULD HEALING BE REPEATED?

1 This question really answers itself. Healing cannot be repeated. If the patient is healed, what remains to heal him from? And if the healing is certain, as we have already said it is, what is there to repeat? For a teacher of God to remain concerned about the result of healing is to limit the healing. It is now the teacher of God himself whose mind needs to be healed. And it is this he must facilitate. He is now the patient, and he must so regard himself. He has made a mistake, and must be willing to change his mind about it. He lacked the trust that makes for giving truly, and so he has not received the benefit of his gift.

If I feel the desire to repeat a healing, if I doubt the first healing worked, I must be judging from appearances. I would have approached the healing with a set outcome in my mind and then tried to achieve that outcome. Now when the outcome does not match my idea of what it should look like, I am disappointed and think something went wrong.

I asked Holy Spirit for a way to see this that would be clear to me. I see in my mind that I am standing before the patient. I have the desire to be a healing instrument and I start by telling the Holy Spirit how he should heal this person and what that healing should look like. Then I kind of (metaphorically) shove Him out of the way so I can make this happen. Oh my, this is hysterical!

Show me another one, Holy Spirit.

I’m standing before the patient with a desire to be a healing instrument. My mind is clear and I allow light to fill it. The Holy Spirit rises in my mind to meet the Holy Spirit in her mind and I am filled with joy to be used in such a miraculous way. I feel only love in this holy instant of joining, and gratitude that it is done.

Then I shift my awareness back into time and the body, and begin to doubt that such a thing could happen. I look at the patient and she seems the same to my body’s eyes. Did I do anything? Who do I think I am that I could heal anyone? What would people think if they heard me make such claims? And where is my proof?

I see, Holy Spirit, how this happens, and I also see that the healer needs healing. I recognize these thoughts and these feelings. I know what to do with them. Having seen them in my mind, and looked at them with you, having felt the fear and guilt, the shame and discouragement that they produce, I ask you to heal my mind. I long to return to the ease of surrender. I long to be the clear and open channel of healing.

The Holy Spirit shows me one more picture. Its like I am looking at a split screen. On one side I stand in light with my brother. We are holding hands and are at peace. Our minds are being healed. On the other screen, I stand facing my brother. I want to heal him but there are so many things to consider and I am confused and uncertain.

Thank you, Holy Spirit. I gladly surrender the desire to be the one in charge. Knowing my part is what it means to have a healed mind.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 2/12/12

Day 43
4 It is the relinquishing of all concern about the gift that makes it truly given. And it is trust that makes true giving possible. Healing is the change of mind that the Holy Spirit in the patient’s mind is seeking for him. And it is the Holy Spirit in the mind of the giver Who gives the gift to him. How can it be lost? How can it be ineffectual? How can it be wasted? God’s treasure house can never be empty. And if one gift is missing, it would not be full. Yet is its fullness guaranteed by God. What concern, then, can a teacher of God have about what becomes of his gifts? Given by God to God, who in this holy exchange can receive less than everything?

What stands out for me in this paragraph are lines 3 and 4.

Healing is the change of mind that the Holy Spirit in the patient’s mind is seeking for him. And it is the Holy Spirit in the mind of the giver Who gives the gift to him.

The healing is accomplished through the union of the Holy Spirit, in both minds, for a single purpose, which is to accomplish a change of mind. So the Holy Spirit in the patients mind determines what is needed. The Holy Spirit in my mind offers this gift. What is my part? It seems that I am to step back and allow it to happen. Stepping back means I will not try to direct the healing or make it happen. I will not decide what it should look like and if it is successful. I will not decide what the gift is, or how it should be accepted.

I will simply be the willing instrument of healing. No wonder I don’t have to be concerned about what happens to my gifts. Once again, I realize that while my part is vital, it is very small. I used to be distracted when the ego resented this, and wanted to do more and wanted credit. I don’t even hear the ego’s complaints anymore. I am only grateful to know my part and to know that I can do what is asked of me.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 2/11/12

Day 42

3 It is not the function of God’s teachers to evaluate the outcome of their gifts. It is merely their function to give them. Once they have done that they have also given the outcome, for that is part of the gift. No one can give if he is concerned with the result of giving. That is a limitation on the giving itself, and neither the giver nor the receiver would have the gift. Trust is an essential part of giving; in fact, it is the part that makes sharing possible, the part that guarantees the giver will not lose, but only gain. Who gives a gift and then remains with it, to be sure it is used as the giver deems appropriate? Such is not giving but imprisoning.

If I pray for someone and then watch them to see if they have accepted my prayer, I am not offering a true prayer because my concern is an expression of doubt, and healing is an expression of faith.

I remember that I used to feel that way. Some years ago I took a Reiki class and did some practice treatments on friends. When I would give a treatment, I would feel wonderful. It was like being energized and happy at the same time. I had a couple of very extraordinary experiences with the people I worked with, too.

I did it for my aunt. I had her lie down of course, and I spent an extra long time with her. Afterwards she told me that she had been concerned because an ongoing back problem made it painful for her to lie flat, but that she had no pain during the treatment at all. She enjoyed it very much and asked me to do it again.

Another lady I worked with had cancer all over her body. She could not lie down so I worked with her sitting up. She later told me the night after was the first time in a very long time that she was able to sleep through the night.

I stopped doing the Reiki because I thought I knew what the outcome was supposed to look like. Because the outcome did not always meet those expectations, I thought it meant I had failed. This attachment to outcome made me feel inadequate and unworthy of being a healer.

Now I think back on that and realize that I don’t know what anyone needs when it comes to healing. They probably don’t know what they need, so why should I think I know. I also understand how it feels to think they should accept the healing. When I thought they should, and they didn’t, it’s like they let me down, and so in typical ego fashion, it became their fault that I didn’t heal them. It took a long time, but I no longer have these concerns.

I’m learning a lot about healing as I study the Manual for Teachers, and also from my recent study of The Song of Prayer. I feel comfortable with this particular section. I know that time is an illusion and so what difference does it make when a prayer is accepted? I know that healing is real so it is never lost, and only increases. I also know that it is not my job to evaluate the outcome of the healing, or to keep an eye on the patient to be sure they accept my gift.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.