Together, We Light the Way

Click link to go to:
Together We Light the Way Index

Defensiveness is War

I’ve been reading a lot of Byron Katie recently, and have found much of what she says to be really helpful. Something that really helped me was hearing her be completely defenseless. She says something like, “So you think I am too emotional. Maybe you are right. Let me sit with that awhile.” This is peace. What might she have said instead? She might have denied it. “What do you mean I am too emotional? That’s ridiculous. I am nothing like that.” That is war.

I have been in both places, but most often, I have been to war. I can remember being defensive even when I knew my accuser was right. What drives me to defend myself at all cost? Katie says that I do this because I believe my thoughts. I have thoughts which I have not examined, have not questioned, but have simply accepted as truth.

Someone says, “Myron, you are too emotional.” I have a thought that says I have been attacked by this person. I must defend myself. Instead of questioning whether this thought is true, I simply accept it as gospel and set up my defenses. There is another choice, though.  Using The Work, I would consider the thought I am being attacked by this person, and ask myself if that is true. Can I absolutely know this is true?

I will have to say no right off because I can see that this might not be his intent at all. Maybe he is trying to help me. Maybe he is projecting his own stuff on me and so cannot see me at all. Actually, I could delete the maybe because I know this is true. That doesn’t mean he is not right.

Now here is a thought. Maybe I don’t understand the nature of attack in this case. Maybe he means to attack me for whatever reason, but choosing to see it as attack is my choice. Perhaps I could see it as a chance to go within to examine my thinking and my motives. In this case, however he might have meant the remark, for me it is not an attack but a gift.

So, no, I cannot know for a certainty that he has attacked me. Katie would then encourage me to notice how this lie affects me when I hold onto it. I put myself back into that place where I heard him say that I am too emotional and I decided he was attacking me. I notice my feelings, my body, my reactions. I see that I tense up, I become agitated and I defend myself through attack.

The way I defend myself is to make him wrong so I can be right. He becomes the guilty one so that I can preserve the illusion of my innocence. I cannot defend myself without attacking him. Even if I make my words pretty and spiritual, it is still an attack, perhaps a veiled attack, but still an attack. Maybe I could try to fool myself and him by saying, “Honey, I know you mean well, but this simply is not true.” Take the pretty words, and gentle delivery away, and what do I have? “You are wrong and I am right.”

If I want to protect my illusory innocence I will have to justify my response by reminding myself that he threw down the gauntlet. He fired off the first round so he is at fault. I am just doing my best not to be taken out by his unwarranted attack. Now I have to gather some ammunition so I can return fire. I have to think of all his faults, all the times he has been wrong and gather them close to me because I will be needing them. I also need to reinforce my embattlements so that he cannot pierce my heart again with his unkind words. All meaningful communication has ceased because we are both busy preparing for war.

And what am I protecting? A lie. An unexamined theory as Katie would say. I listened to the thinking mind, the ego mind, and I believed the thought that he is attacking me. There is more at stake here than simply arguing who is right. There is an underlying idea behind this state of war. To argue who is right it is necessary that I see us as separate. He is over there and I am over here. He has an agenda that is different from my agenda.

God created us whole, one, undivided and forever a part of each other. In a moment of senseless defense I have taught myself that I am divided, separate, weak and vulnerable. And what I teach myself I teach my brother. Wherever we go, we go together. We remain in hell… together, or we go to heaven… together.

In Lesson 135 in A Course in Miracles, it says, “For no one walks the world in armature but must be afraid.” It goes on to say, “Defense is frightening. It stems from fear, increasing fear as each defense is made.  You think it offers safety. Yet it speaks of fear made real and terror justified.” As I defend myself I teach myself that I am one in need of defense, that I have reason to be afraid.

Then Katie would have me put myself in that place again and examine how I would feel if I let go of my story. How would it feel to hear him say that I am too emotional if I did not have the thought in my mind that he was attacking me? I could answer that by saying I would be free, and interested, and curious.

I might even be grateful that he cared enough to chance being attacked. I might feel compassion for him if he was projecting his own stuff because I know how that feels. I could be so open to possibilities. I feel excited just thinking about it. I feel grateful for this gift.

I have experienced not being willing to let my story go. It feels like I can’t. The story isn’t true. It hurts me and yet I cannot bring myself to even imagine what it feels like without the story. That kind of resistance is painful. My saving grace is that I know I am not alone. I go within and ask my Holy Spirit for help. I give whatever willingness I have to this and then I don’t worry about it. I know that if I ask it will be given.

Katie has what she calls the turnaround and this is especially helpful when I am resisting. I had said that that he attacked me and I turn it around to say that he did not attack me. I have seen already where this is at least as true as my original thought. I saw that maybe he was only trying to help me. I saw that maybe he didn’t mean it the way I heard it. I saw that maybe he was only talking to himself, whatever he believed he was doing.

Another turnaround is that I attacked him and I know this is equally true. When I saw him wrong it was an attack. When I blamed him it was an attack. When I wanted him to change it was an attack. I was as good as saying that it is not ok that he be what he is. This is an attack.

Katie says that all our suffering comes not from what is happening to us by from what we think about what is happening to us. I was reading NTI, The Holy Spirit’s Interpretation of the New Testament, and in Luke 13 the Holy Spirit says, “It is your thoughts that have made you suffer. And so, if you would choose freedom, you must also choose freedom from your thoughts.” A Course in Miracles says, “The fact that I see a world in which there is suffering and loss and death shows me that I am seeing only the representation of my insane thoughts, and am not allowing my real thoughts to cast their beneficent light on what I see.”

I am not slave to my thoughts, and though they come and go seemingly without my control, I do have a choice as to whether I believe them or not. I have thoughts that are true. Those are the thoughts I think with God. But I also have many thoughts that are not true. Those are the thoughts I think with the ego. They are defensive thoughts because that is the ego’s job. It represents a false system of thought and so must always defend itself. But I am not the ego and so I do not have to believe what it tells me.

The next time I feel attacked by someone’s words I can believe that thought and suffer. Or I can choose not to believe in attack, and simply listen with a child’s open curiosity and consider the possibilities that acceptance opens for me. Perhaps someone reading this will not agree with me and will tell me that I am wrong. And perhaps I will be willing to lay aside my armament and instead go inside to question if they might be right. In so doing, maybe I will become aware of a deeper meaning or a truer way to see.

The difference between holding onto the story and letting it go is the difference between suffering and joy, between war and peace. It is my choice which I experience. I am free to open my mind and loose it from all thoughts that are not the truth. Then my mind will hold only what I think with God.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

I am Essential to the Plan for the Salvation of the World

I stay busy doing my spiritual work just as do you. It is the way I remain faithful to my purpose and the way I achieve my purpose. Sometimes the form of the work varies. The most important work I have ever done has been the lessons from the workbook for A Course in Miracles. This is a mind changing, life altering experience. It has been enhanced since by using the Illumination Journal by Revs Paul and Deb Phelps. Journaling with the Holy Spirit through these lessons has enriched my experience in ways I cannot explain.

I love using the courses from Pathways of Light to inspire and guide me as I do this work. I have found Dan Joseph’s three step process to be invaluable in my work. Everything I do is based on his steps of honestly acknowledging my dark thoughts and feelings, then offering that darkness to God and become willing to release it. And finally, having cleared a space, I now open to a new inner experience of comfort and love. Steady and consistent use of this process has helped me to see things differently.

I have found some of Regina Dawn Aker’s practices to be especially helpful to me. She has taught me to notice that while I have many thoughts, I do not have to believe them. She has also taught me not to be attached to the “I” thought, to be fully surrendered so that the truth of God can be made manifest through me. I practice this by noticing those ideas that I seem to attach to and remembering that I am not that.

Lately I have been using Byron Katie’s, The Work which is helping me to break the cycle of believing my thoughts by questioning them. She calls this inquiry and she makes it very simple through her process. Katie asks that I consider my beliefs honestly and without sugar coating them. She asks that I let the ego run wild and express itself fully. Then she suggests that I question if that is true. Is it really true?

Using her process I then ask myself how I react when I believe that thought, and then I follow that question with one which wants to know who I would be without that thought. Once I have answered these questions, I turn it around, and the see the opposite as true. I then give myself three genuine specific examples of how it is as true, or truer, than my original statement.

All of these processes and many more have helped me so much. This is my life. This is what I do, and have been doing for a very long time. It takes motivation to stick to this kind of effort. It is easy to read about it and think you understand, but that does not change you. It is only the practice of it that creates change. It is easy to practice it for awhile, but it has been my experience that choosing God over ego requires constant vigilance. It is a moment to moment endeavor. What is my motivation?

When I first began this spiritual path, or should I say when I first realized I was on a spiritual path, my motivation was to create a better life. I didn’t like my stories and I wanted new ones. I was unhappy and wanted to change my world so I would be happy.  I wanted what is to look like something else thinking that would make me happy. God said, “Ok, let’s start there.” He loves me so much. Wherever I am, there He is.

Then I began to realize that there was a lot more to this than fixing my life. As the Course says in many places, “I am the means God as appointed for the salvation of the world.” How is that for motivation? The salvation of the world depends on me. How could that be?

The ego mind finds that thought to be a fearful thought. It says that probably it was the same thought Jesus had right before they crucified him. It seems to suggest sacrifice and the ego can get really whiny about this. “I have little enough, and now I’m supposed to give it up? I can’t save myself, how am I supposed to save myself?” And of course, the ever favorite, “Why me?”

Jesus knew this would be the ego reaction and he answered it before we even got around to asking. He assures us that crucifixion was his method of teaching and need never be repeated. He tells us over and over in the Course that God does not want our sacrifice. One objection, at least, is true. I cannot save myself. But I am not alone. I am surrounded by enlightened help.

In Lesson 153, Jesus tells us, “We rise up strong in Christ and let our weakness disappear, as we remember that His strength abides in us. We will remind ourselves that He remains beside us through the day, and never leaves our weakness unsupported by His strength.” He also says, “Be not afraid nor timid. There can be no doubt that you will reach your final goal.” Thank you, God. Thank you, God!

I was trying to remove the flooring in my room and realized I could not do this alone. I stood looking at it wondering how the job was going to get done. Then once the flooring was up, I still had to figure out how water collected under it. It seems impossible as I follow the water line and realize it does not go into my bedroom and yet, there is water pooling under the flooring. And I still didn’t know how to get the flooring up.

I began to feel helpless and victimized, when I remembered the Work. I looked at that thought, “I am helpless and victimized by this circumstance.” Is that true? Well it seems to be true. Can I absolutely know it is true? Well, no, not absolutely. It might not be true.

How do I react when I believe that thought? I feel afraid. I feel like crying. I feel embarrassed. I feel anxious.

Who would I be without the thought that I was a helpless victim? I would be a person with a problem to be solved. I would be free to solve the problem with a sense of anticipation as I watched the solution come into my mind.

I turn the thought around. I am not a victim. I am not helpless. I am not a helpless victim because there are solutions to my problem and if I can’t find those solutions I can ask for help. There, that is two examples right there. I am not a helpless victim because I have solved many problems.

That was how I did The Work on this particular problem. I stopped the cycle of ego thinking, and ego story telling by questioning the legitimacy of that thought. If I had not done this I would soon have had many ego stories to support my belief in victimhood and helplessness. It would only take me a moment to come up with half a dozen of them.

Instead I used my practice to bypass the ego and to reinforce the truth that I don’t have to believe my thoughts. I still have to get the flooring up, but now I can do it in joy. I look forward to seeing how I solve this problem rather than dreading the anxiety and fear it could have generated had I chosen to believe the lie that I am a helpless victim.

So how does this tie in with my job of saving the world? How could this possibly have anything to do with the salvation of the world? Nothing I experience in this world is real or means anything, not the floor or the leak or the solution. But as I remember my purpose, which is to save the world, I can use this event to heal my mind. As my mind is healed, the Sonship is healed, because my mind is part of the whole Mind of the Sonship.

Let me take this even further.  Lesson 115 says, “I am essential to the plan for the salvation of the world.” It does not say I have a little part or even a big part. It says I am essential. I looked up the word essential. It means, of the utmost importance, basic, indispensible, and necessary. That’s me. I am essential to the plan for the salvation of the world. That’s you. You are essential to the plan for the salvation of the world!

Not obsessing over my floor and not feeling victimized and helpless kept me from having a bad day. I was happy all day long with my destroyed floor and no plan of action. That is a miracle all by itself, but it is nothing compared to the real miracle. Because I chose not to believe that thought I saved the world. The world may not look any different to you, but it was essential that I chose not to believe that ego lie.

If I held onto that thought and believed it the world would still be held hostage by the ego belief in separation. It was essential that I let it be healed. It was essential that I forgive the idea of victimization and helplessness because these things are not part of the Son of God. If I hold onto a lie, I cannot hold onto the truth. If I do not hold the truth in the mind of the Son, it is not held. It is in this that my part is essential, as is yours.

This is what I am finally learning about this spiritual work. It is not about making a better life. It is not about me at all. It is not personal. It is about the healing of the Sonship. These are not my thoughts, this is not my body, this is not my life. I don’t need to wake up. I don’t exist. My identity as I experience it in the world is tied to an illusion. It is an illusion.

But I do exist outside that illusion and I want to wake up to that Self which is real. And so I use the ego body and the ego stories and the ego thoughts to awaken the sleeping mind of the Son.  This awakening has nothing to do with Myron but that’s ok; I don’t have anything to do with Myron either, other than to use her story as a symbol for the separation belief, and to use her story as a tool to awaken from that belief.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Transitioning from San Francisco to My “Ordinary” Life

For the last five days I have been in San Francisco at an ACIM conference. I had so much fun attending classes where I was reminded of the truth over and over in many different ways. I visited with old friends and made new friends. I felt supported and uplifted being in the presence of over 400 people who were there to remember and express their function.

This morning I am tired from the trip home, and a little thrown by the time change. I am not looking forward to returning to work. I probably should have scheduled my week differently. I have to drive about four hours today just to get to the first customer. I have to attend a board meeting tonight and help a group of people understand why they need to change their treatment process and why it is important. It will cost them more money and everyone is fearful about money. I can’t suggest they forgive the idea of lack. 😊

The Holy Spirit is helping me with this. He told me that this is the story the ego is writing around this perfectly neutral event. The ego loves stories, and all its stories have the same central theme. They all encourage me to feel vulnerable, weak, fearful, put upon, sad, angry, hateful, envious, or any other emotion that causes me to feel separate from my brothers and from God.

He encourages me to ask Him the purpose of today. When I do He tells me that I am to extend light today. He wants me to help all my brothers feel loved and cared for. Those board members are going to be afraid and will need my gentle reassurances. They don’t need any special buzz words, just my love.

Today already feels different. I am going to stop trying not to feel tired, and just allow myself to feel whatever the body feels without judging it. I am going to stop withing today was other than it is, and just allow it to be as it is. I am going to stop deciding what it all means and what I should do. I am going to step back in every instance and allow myself to be led, remembering that each word, gesture and feeling is an opportunity to forgive my projections and to extend light and love instead. This is no ordinary day. This is a day of salvation.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

A Christmas Story

One year at Christmas I had no gifts for my kids. My husband had hurt
himself in an oilrig accident and was out of work. We were dead
broke. This is before I began the study of the Course. I had been
reading a book from a Unity church and it talked about making a
treasure map when you needed or wanted something.

The idea was to put pictures and words onto a poster that would
remind me what I wanted, and to then look at the poster frequently to
think those things into existence with the power of the mind. I told
my husband what I was going to do. My kids wanted bikes and, while he
was not against the treasure map, he could not imagine how we would
get them. As broke as we were they may as well have asked for the
moon.

I totally believed in the process, though, and so I made my treasure
map and began to focus on it. In a day or two I was inspired with an
idea. I put a little add in the local paper saying that Santa needed
a little help this year because of unemployment. If anyone had used
bikes that could be fixed up he would be grateful to get them.

In the next couple of days we were flooded with offers to help. One
kind man called to say that his wife would meet me at Sears and I
could pick out bikes for the kids. I was overwhelmed with the offers
and it turned out to be a wonderful Christmas, not just for my kids,
but for me as well. I recieved confirmation that the mind is indeed
very powerful.

This was like a beginning step on my path to the Course. I had been
opening my mind to the idea there was more to life than meets the
eye, and now for the first time, I was part of something I could not
explain through my past experience. I had other extraordinary
experiences with treasure mapping. Now I treasure map with the Holy
Spirit. I have learned that I have no idea what would make me happy
so I ask the Holy Spirit to tell me what I want. This saves a lot of
time as I don’t have to make all those endless choices only to
discover that the world doesn’t offer me anything of value anyway.

This Single Quiet Thought is very much like my process:

The heart is desire.
The true Heart
is true desire.
There is only one true Heart.

Focus on the true Heart today.
Ask it to tell you
what you truly want.

Listen intently
to the answer it gives.
It speaks to you
of your truest desire,
the one that out shines
everything else
you think you want.

www.reginadawnakers.com

This is the process I use. I ask the Holy Spirit (or my true Heart)
what it is that I want and then I listen intently. I think I want
things. I think I want my house to be finished so I can move in. I
think I want my son to find a new job. I think I want more time for
writing and teaching. At one time I would have put those things on my
map and then I would have recieved them. Then I would have discovered
that some of them were pretty neat to recieve, and some I wish I had
not received. But what is most true is that I had thought that
receiving them would make me happy and then discovered that I only
wanted more things, because nothing outside me makes me happy.

I know this is true because I have had lifetimes to discover it is
true. Now when I think I want my house to be finished, I give this
thought to the Holy Spirit and ask Him what I really want. He reminds
me that I want to awaken. I tell him that I think that if my son gets
a new job I will be so relieved and so happy. Then I ask him what I
really want and he reminds me that I want to awaken.

If there is something in the world that I do actually need, I leave
that to Him as well. I truly do not know what I need. I tell Him of
my percieved need, and I do not suggest ways that need might be
filled. I wait for His inspiration. I wait in anticipation to see how
it might be met. There is no stress or strain; there are no
disappointments because there are no expectations. It is a light and
happy thing to recognize I do not know, but there is One who does.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

NTI Matthew 16 Peter as Symbol of Faith

Matthew 16:21-23 Peter is the symbol of faith within the unhealed mind, and so Per is also the symbol of the unhealed mind that has faith. In Peter you see great faith! And in Peter, you will see doubt, fear and confusion.

This is very meaningful to me because I relate to Peter so completely. As the next line says, I am Peter. I have great faith, and sometimes even amaze myself with my faith. And yet, I am often doubtful, fearful and confused. I have been confounded by this behavior, not understanding why I seem to rise to such heights only to fail miserably in the next moment. Then I read this passage from Matthew and I feel like laughing. Of course I will sometimes feel confused; I am an unhealed mind. Whew!

Another thing that makes me laugh is that I feel such relief when I finally understand what needs to be done in a situation, and it is always the same solution. As it says in Matthew, “It is doubt, fear and confusion you must let go of….”  It always goes back to noticing my thoughts, looking at them with the Holy Spirit, and allowing my mind to be healed. Letting go of a thought is not hard; I just decide for it and it is done. It is getting to the point that I want to let it go that feels very hard sometimes.

There is a person in my life that I don’t like. This has been making me crazy because I can’t seem to release this grievance. I cannot even figure out why I have a grievance. It came to me yesterday to share this problem with a friend of mine and to ask if she had any thoughts on it. I thought this was my idea, my choice as to who I would speak to, and done for my own reasons. (Ha ha ha. I am so funny.) After we emailed each other a few times I realized that asking this particular person was a divinely inspired decision.  As we communicated, I found out that she had nearly the same problem as I did, and in helping me she was helping herself. That Holy Spirit. 😊

As I wrote to my friend I realized that I felt very guilty for not forgiving this person, and I also felt shamed that I was unable to release the grievance. She helped me to see this, and to realize that my only job is to forgive myself. She pointed out for me that I was thinking my failure to accept a solution to this problem proved that I was not good enough and that something was wrong with me. She was so right! I felt the truth of that in my gut when I read the words.

When I wrote the email that confessed to this “sin” of maybe feeling like a failure the unexpected emotion that came up was very strong and I began to cry. Still, I hid from myself the truth and couldn’t see why I felt that way. Then when I read her words it was so obvious. In trying to like this person I was saying there is something wrong with her and that is why I have to “try” to like her.

In feeling bad because I couldn’t seem to like her I was saying there was something wrong with me. I also felt intense resentment of her because I have projected all of this onto her. This tells me I believe I wouldn’t have this problem if she had not shown up. Typically, the ego is projecting my stuff onto the world and I am feeling like a victim. I thanked her for nudging me to this. I was tired of sitting in this self condemnation.

She also helped me to see that I was looking in a mirror and saying to myself, “I do not like what I see. I had that thought at one time, but I allowed my mind to veer off into the “why” of it and I got distracted from what matters. I forgive myself for all of that. I gladly and without reservation forgive myself. I do it for Myron and, in extension, for the Sonship. Now my tears are tears of gratitude. And if I experience dislike for that woman again, I will forgive myself again, and be grateful for opportunity.

This experience was a really good illustration for me of this passage in Matthew. I could see myself as Peter with all the doubt, fear and confusion around this situation. And yet, even though this has been an ongoing problem for some time now I stuck with it, determined to find the solution and return my mind to peace. That takes great faith. I also saw myself following guidance and listening with my heart when Holy Spirit spoke to me through my friend. That took great faith, too.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Accepting with Enthusiasm

I was thinking that I am solely responsible for my life and that my thoughts are the cause of all I experience. Then I wondered what I would like to experience differently and what thoughts I would change to see this happen. I had just written a blog and my thought was I wish I had more time to write. This led to the thought that I wish I had more time for teaching and counseling. So I started thinking which thoughts have created this situation where I spend most of my time at work rather than doing what I would rather do. But then I stopped because somehow this did not feel right.

I remembered that I don’t know what is best for me, or what will make me happy. So I asked Holy Spirit what I should ask for. The answer I got from Him is to ask for acceptance. He said to ask, in each situation, “for acceptance with enthusiasm and without judgment.” I knew I had heard right because it felt good to think of this. I thought about this idea for awhile and I really began to warm up to it. I notice that He did not say “accept going to work today with reluctance”, or “accept this situation with a sigh of resignation.” Ha ha ha. He said “accept with enthusiasm!”

I must have fully embraced His words because I felt immediately happy at the thought. I really did feel enthusiastic about getting to work. I wondered how I would use this during the day and how my customers would react to my enthusiasm. I was really looking forward to this day.
One of the things that happened during the day was that I had to visit a customer I have a grievance against.  At first I didn’t notice anything different about this visit. I just did what I needed to do, but then I noticed I was no longer happy. I didn’t really want to be there. I also noticed how I was using the business of the work to obscure my true purpose. I was so busy getting things done that I barely noticed the grievance. If I had not begun the day with a firm intention to accept with enthusiasm what came my way, I would have missed this forgiveness opportunity.

Once I allowed the grievance into my awareness I realized what caught my attention. The grievance was draining my enthusiasm. So as I spoke to him I started this little background program going in my mind. I asked, “What would he look like if I saw him as the Christ?” I kept that program going while we got on with our business. I wish I could say that he began to glow with the light that he is, but I never seem to have those kinds of neat mystical experiences, but what did happen is that I regained my enthusiasm for the task at hand. I felt the grievance melt away and I was happy to be just where I was.

As the day began to wind down and I got closer to home, I began to wonder how much work had been done on my house while I was gone.  I am living with my daughter while a house is being prepared for me. It has been an extended project and has gone on for much longer than expected. My daughter and grandchildren are easy to live with and it is very comfortable in their home, but as the house gets closer to being finished I have started wishing I could be in it. This time as I noticed this desire I stopped myself and thought about it. What would happen if I set aside this longing to be someplace else, and just accepted with enthusiasm the fact that I am going to be living with my daughter today? As I did this I noticed how happy I was.

I realized that wishing for things to be different than they are was keeping me from experiencing the joy of sharing my time with my grandchildren. They are such neat kids, and it is a very fortunate thing that I have had this time with my grandson as he is nearly grown now, and this opportunity won’t happen again. My granddaughter is nearly three and such a loving and fun child.

Since I have been living with my daughter I have gotten to know her better than I ever would have. I know her as an adult and mother rather than as my daughter. I think of her as a friend now and a fellow soul on the journey home. This would never have happened if I had not lived with her. Why would I want to rob myself of the joy of being with this truly delightful family by choosing to be restless and dissatisfied? By the time I got home my enthusiasm had been restored and I enjoyed the evening with my family.

I’m really looking forward to today. I am going spend this day watching my mind for signs of discontent, and gladly, enthusiastically, choose acceptance instead.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Fear is Just a Story

I was reading the single quiet thought that the Holy Spirit gave Regina Dawn Akers and I thought about how I have used these ideas.  The following is first the thought, and then an example from my own life.

Fear will hold you back from forgiveness.
Fear will hold you back
from letting go of
a false idea as false.

Fear will tell you
that it protects you from harm
and to let go of the idea in question
is to open up to complete vulnerability
and harm.

But fear is just a story.
Fear is an illusion itself.
It promises to care for you,
but what it says isn’t true.

Look at the idea of fear.
Look at its counsel
until you see it isn’t true.

You are free to practice forgiveness
when you’ve learned
not to listen to fear.
Holy Spirit through Regina Dawn Akers

When I take my mistaken thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction I am forgiving them. This is what forgiveness means to me; it is the undoing of ego or separation thoughts. As I read this single quiet thought from Holy Spirit many instances I have experienced this flashed through my mind. The one that grabbed my attention was from the situation with my son’s sickness. He was very sick for weeks and the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with him. He was weak, losing weight and becoming dehydrated every few days. It was very frightening to me.

I experienced so much fear as this situation dragged on and on, but at the same time, I kept going to Holy Spirit with this fear. There were a lot of thoughts that I did not want to keep, and each one I brought to Holy Spirit only to notice that in a bit the thought was back in my mind. Now I know that Holy Spirit isn’t failing to do His job, so it must be me that is failing to let go of the thought. I imagine myself handing a thought to him but then clutching the thought so that He cannot take it.

Clearly, the reason I was not letting go of these fear thoughts is that I thought they held some value to me. I was listening to the stories the ego was telling me and I was believing them. I was afraid to examine the stories, because I was afraid that this would lead to not believing them, and the stories were all that I had to protect me. Writing this out here I can see how absurd this reasoning really is, but at the time I didn’t see it because I was afraid to look too closely.

But each time I brought these thoughts to the Holy Spirit it helped me move a tiny bit closer to trust. Each time my willingness grew a little and I became a little more willing to forgive myself and this situation. Finally, when a friend suggested we pray as a group for Toby, I was ready to finally accept Holy Spirit’s gift. I agreed and in the moment I joined with my friends in praying I felt the shift from fear to acceptance.

I was finally able to look at the fear and see what it was telling me. I said I wanted to give the fear thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction. The ego said that if I did that I would have nothing to protect me from the Holy Spirit. I said that the Holy Spirit would give me only what would be helpful. The ego said that maybe the most helpful thing would be for Toby to die. This is where I had always shut down before. This time I stayed with it and continued to look at the ego story. I gave my trust to the Holy Spirit and surrendered completely.

This part is harder for me to put into words because there were no words involved. In my willingness to surrender to trust, the ego story dissolved. Well, the story was still there, but it became meaningless to me. I simply didn’t believe in it anymore. This did not mean I knew Toby wasn’t going to die. I surrendered to that possibility, too. I accepted that I did not know what would be the next step in his and my awakening, but that I wanted it. If this is the time when Toby let go of his story and moved on to the next one, then that is what would happen. What I let go of was the meaning I was giving that possibility.

I thought about what that would feel like, and as I think of it now I feel intense grief, but I still do not feel fear about it. I don’t know what it means and I am not interested in making up a meaning. Without my meaning clouding the picture I find it easy to trust. Fear was promising to care for me. I see that very clearly now, and I also see that when I was able to really look at what fear was offering me, I knew that was a lie. I am very grateful for where I am now. Toby began healing after we all joined in prayer and so did I. I am very glad that he is still here in this story with me, but I am even more grateful to be free of the fear. I am grateful for the experience I had which taught me so much.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Page 249 of 264 pages ‹ First  < 247 248 249 250 251 >  Last ›

<< Back to main page of Together, We Light the Way

Has this page been helpful to you?
Your contribution to support this site is greatly appreciated. To make a tax deductible contribution with a credit/debit card, click here.
Click here to donate from your PayPal account.
Or send a check to Pathways of Light, 12530 Lions Chase Court, Huntley, IL 60142.