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January-March, 2009

Beginning the Journey

Rev. Mindy Kurka

Yesterday I got a call from a young woman asking for help. She was so deeply depressed that she could barely talk on the phone. It started me thinking. What was the best way to help her? What was the best advice I could give? When someone hits rock bottom, whether from addiction, emotional problems or tragedy, where do they start to heal? How can they pick themselves up off the floor and get back on the right track? It seems to me that the best way I can help others in trouble is to tell them about how I healed — what worked for me.

This telling is a tool that they can use to help themselves. Unfortunately, there are no “easy buttons.” It would be nice if there were. The truth is that recovery takes work on yourself and it takes time. Just don’t give up hope, it can be done. I am living proof of that.

I hit rock bottom at age 46. I had a major nervous breakdown. That breakdown left me a train wreck of a human being. I was also an alcoholic and had been for 20 years. I lost my business. I lost friends. The neighbors became wary of me. I embarrassed my children. My husband was so worried we were going to lose the house and end up bankrupt that he was frantic and angry all the time. Why he didn’t take the kids and leave, I have no idea. I was worthless to myself and everyone else. The panic attacks were so fierce that I became house bound. The depression was so intense that I couldn’t get out of bed.

It was like falling off a cliff into a deep, dark well of misery and suffering. The emotional pain overwhelmed me and I lost all hope. At the same time, I knew that if I didn’t find some way to help myself, I would remain trapped in that terrible place until I died. There were times when I wanted to die.

For some reason, I have always had to learn things the hard way. When life was going along reasonably well, I had no interest in looking at my problems or solving them. Oh no, I had to get kicked in the teeth before I paid attention. That nervous breakdown was a serious kick in the teeth and it got my attention.

You can’t begin to solve a problem until you acknowledge that there is a problem. For many people that is such a hard thing to do, taking a good, hard, honest look at yourself and admitting you are screwed up. I had two dear friends who died at a very young age because they simply could not bring themselves to take that good, hard look. Perhaps it was their memory that gave me the courage to look in the mirror and say, “Mindy, you are an alcoholic and you have some serious emotional problems.”

Once I had acknowledged my problems, I realized that I needed help. There may be people out there who have been able to get themselves straightened out alone, but I don’t know any. I certainly wasn’t strong enough to go it alone. Besides, I didn’t understand exactly what was wrong with me. And there are so many places to get help. There are doctors and psychologists, there are treatment centers, and there is AA and NA. Some people find the help they need through support groups, churches and spirituality. All of these are a great place to start.

Another must for anyone who is an addict is changing life styles and friends. This is another difficult thing to do. It means giving up your current friends. But that is a must. An alcoholic simply cannot continue to hang around at bars with friends who love to get drunk. Drug addicts cannot continue to be around other drug users. Addicts need to find friendship and support with people who don’t engage in such destructive behavior.

Initially in my own recovery, the doctor put me on antidepressants because I was so desperately depressed. Without that, I never would have had the strength to even attempt getting better. I suggested to my caller that she should talk to her doctor.

One of the biggest components of my recovery was beginning a spiritual path. I started off by reading A Course In Miracles. The idea that God loves me exactly as I am, that I am a beautiful, holy child of God, brought me to tears. That started easing my self-hatred and guilt. It began releasing the pain. I fiercely hold on to that thought even now. Opening my heart to the Love of the Divine has blessed me. It has healed my soul. This was not something that happened overnight. It happened gradually over time. Spirituality is a journey that lasts a lifetime. Every day I put my heart and soul in God’s hands and he gives me the strength to get through that day with peace and joy.

People ask me why I am such a cheerful person these days and I tell them it is because I am so incredibly grateful for where I am. My life has changed from a nightmare into a blessing. In truth, my nervous breakdown was the greatest blessing I have ever had, even though it certainly didn’t feel like that at the time. That event forced me to work on healing myself. It brought me into an open, loving relationship with God. It gave me my life.

Rev. Mindy Kurka is a Pathways of Light minister living in Lodi, Ohio.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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January-March, 2009

From a Rooftop in Montana

Rev. Jim Armfield

While pondering over what I could submit to the Pathways of Light Miracles News Magazine, my beautiful wife suggested I write about my recent experience re-roofing our family mountain home in Montana. It sounded simple enough — hard work and beautiful scenery. But what does this have to do with the healing of the mind? In a word, everything!

I agreed to spend three weeks removing and replacing a roof — no problem. But what the family was concerned about was that I would be working with and living with someone who everyone felt would be more difficult than the roof itself. However, I was heartened by my ability to get along with all, and my eagerness to be in Montana. Not being naïve, I did realize that this would be a great trial of my belief in patience, forgiveness, and awareness. In short, this experience required all these and something more powerful that I would learn — my willingness.

So while the family members worried about the wellbeing of the both of us, we took off for the mountains of Montana. (I later found out that they had placed bets as to how long we would work in concert without throwing each other of the roof!) And what was I thinking? Well, I asked my Higher Self to help me be awake and be at peace, no matter the circumstance.

Although captured by the beauty of the mountains, I was soon deeply involved in repetitive hard labor. At first you could say I was enlightened, in a chop wood/carry water kind of way. Frustrations and tiredness were easily faced with the lightheartedness of being in this wonderful moment and beautiful place. The ego was active, but even it was possibly under the influence of Montana’s spell.

As the days wore on, my fellow family member and co-worker’s obvious attitudes persisted. His ego was seeking out and antagonizing my latent thoughts of all that my own ego felt I should judge, and find fault with.

After a long day and an evening of my ego enticing me with thoughts of, “How can he be so angry? Why does he do this and that? He is so different and difficult.”

I finally went to bed. I read my books and asked the Holy Spirit for peace. Peace came in a soft voice: “Let him be who he thinks he is. Remember your willingness. That is your opportunity to change everything and return to Heaven here on the roof in Montana.” What I learned from this experience was the following:

Forgiveness Without Willingness
Is Not Truly Possible

We have heard a lot about forgiveness and how powerful quantum forgiveness is. There are books that have been written about this topic including The Disappearance of the Universe, a marvelous book and an excellent example of how we can move toward our God-like abilities. I am grateful for Gary Renard as he guides and awakens.

Quantum forgiveness can void time and bring us into the precious present moment, giving us the chance to truly understand the power of forgiveness. And in the process, our universe, our very mental belief constructs will begin to disappear, because we can change our minds about the world through forgiveness.

But what ignites all the wonders of forgiveness and what brings it forth? I suggest it is our individual willingness, accessible through our God given free will. Willingness? How could this bring on such power? Perhaps a better question may be, how can forgiveness begin without it? Willingness is so small and so simple, how can it possibly stop time and set in motion the disappearance of our universe? Could this willingness ultimately begin to change the most powerful creating device of all, our own minds? How indeed could this be? I believe the answer to be, by our own free will, and from this, we will see the power of our willingness.

God protects our free will; it is most sacred. Our free will is so sacred that we are free to choose to war, to love, and to forgive. This is why so many of us see a world where countries are at war, or where we witness our neighbors fighting, or experience the separation of people. This world seems to be falling apart but are we really powerless to change it? Why would God allow such suffering and pain? Where is the mercy, where is the love, where is the forgiveness? It is right here, right where God has placed it. The answer is in our willingness to choose.

When we choose to dream or to think of separateness, we are exercising our free will. It is in our willingness. It is that same free will that enables us to begin to awaken from the dream of what we think we are, and what we think we are doing to ourselves and to others. Therefore we must awake! We are not dead or dying; we are just asleep, dreaming of things in this life that we have created, and continue to create.

God only asks us for a little willingness to remember who we truly are and where we truly came from. For it is not for us to change the world, but to awake to the world we have created; and then be willing to change our minds about that world.  Willingness is our God–Power to begin to open, to see, to begin to change. Our sacred free will is in our willingness. This is powerful stuff, for without it, all that is available is re-action, but with willingness we are provided a place from which we can create truth. Through our willingness, we can choose to see things differently.

Ask, and your will receives; from this you will be given the chance to see, to love, to forgive, and to change everything. For example, consider this angry exchange: I slap you on the face for berating me for doing something wrong. I can do this because I have the free will to re-act to your words and perceptions. Conversely, I could choose to use my free will to awaken to the moment and not re-act to the situation. How? By forgiving myself first. I can forgive myself for acting in such a manner that led to you having the perception that I should be berated in the first place. After forgiving myself, I can then be grateful that you gave me the chance to awaken to my errant behavior. By making this choice, forgiveness and gratitude encompass me! I have no need to be angry, or to forgive you, for you have done nothing to me but to remind me of the power of my own free-will. It is this willingness to choose, that is truly a God given gift. This

• willingness to awake

• willingness to forgive

• willingness to change the way we perceive… yes, all these are gifts, little reminders of what God asks of us. He simply asks us for a little willingness.
It may then be surmised, that without willingness there can be no true forgiveness, quantum or otherwise.

Rev. Jim Armfield is a Pathways of Light minister living in Fargo, North Dakota.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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January-March, 2009

Which One?

Gloria Cabassa

Have you ever seen those drawings often used as perception exercises in some personal growth workshops? They are shown to the participants while being asked: “What do you see here?”

I remember very well one of those drawings with two different images: One was a witch with a very wrinkled face, and the other, the face and low neck of a lovely, young lady. The fun part was when the ones who saw the witch wanted to convince the others of the “truth,” and vice versa.

“But what witch are you talking about? There’s no witch there. Don’t you see it’s a young lady?”

“Young lady? Look at her mouth. You see? Here, here…” (Repeatedly pointing to the image, impatiently) “Look at that wrinkled, sunken mouth! You can tell she has no teeth! See?”

“That’s not a mouth, buddy! That’s her neck. Don’t you see she has a little necklace?”

And so it goes on and on, until gradually the participants realize there are two different images, not only one, in the drawing.

A few weeks ago, during a wonderful telephone conversation with Rev. Mary and Robert Stoelting, Rev. Sharyn Zenz and my dearest friend, Rev. Annie Arbona, with whom I have had the joyous privilege of sharing ACIM for almost 25 years, the drawing with the two faces popped up in my mind.

Why? Maybe because I had been seeing the “witch” for a few days, thinking she was real and suffering because of it. During that holy encounter with these loving friends, the Holy Spirit shifted my mind and the “witch” suddenly disappeared.

In ACIM Jesus repeatedly tells us that this world is not real, but an illusion: “The world is nothing in itself. Your mind must give it meaning. And what you behold upon it are your wishes, acted out so you can look at them and think them real.” (Lesson 132, paragraph 4)

As with the drawing of the witch and the lovely lady, what we think we see is not really there. It’s our own perception. That is why we are always upset, fearful and suffering for nothing. Sounds incredible, right? Yet there is another way of seeing the world, for our perception can be corrected and healed. A distorted perception shows the chaos and scarcity of the ego’s world. A healed perception beholds Heaven here and now, the forgiven world, full of miracles and love.

“How lovely is the world whose purpose is forgiveness of God’s Son! How free from fear, how filled with blessing and with happiness!” (Text, p. 573.)

The good news is that God, our Creator, endowed us with the power to decide. Jesus himself is lightening our way and guiding our steps, and we have the Holy Spirit to heal and correct our minds.

And now that we know it, which one of these worlds will we decide to behold?

Gloria Cabassa is a student of A Course in Miracles living in Puerto Rico.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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January-March, 2009

Forgiveness

Rev. Christine McGunigale

I think the opportunity to forgive is an opportunity to grow. We are a Spirit having a human experience in which there will be human mistakes. I like ACIM Chapter 23, section IV pg 496 on “Above the battleground.” This is where I can see the idea of forgiving myself for those thoughts. “Be lifted up, and from a higher place look down upon it. Here in the midst of it, it does seem real. Here you have chosen to be a part of it. Here murder is your choice. Yet from above, the choice is miracles instead of murder. And the perspective coming from this choice shows you the battle is not REAL, and easily escaped.”

Yes, it releases the other person too, but it is not the reason. You may be saying, “But I am making it real.” Yes in a way I am, but I want you to go back and understand the idea that we are human.

When I am being pulled from my peace I ask myself, “Why?” Then I look at my thinking and see that I need to let it go to the Holy Spirit. I do not beat myself up for those thoughts. I really do let it go. I know in the beginning of my journey, I knew I was born perfect and loved unconditionally and I needed to find that again. I knew that through my life that is what I was taught from my elders, television and any exterior influences. I knew that I had created the world I was living. So from that place is where I was able to understand through A Course in Miracles that the ego was living, not me. I knew that learning to forgive was the way to perfect love. I want share what I teach and that is our ego has many years of practice of leading us.

So, in the beginning of this practice of letting go, it takes time and patience. In the beginning, the thoughts that you are trying to release may come once an hour; then you will realize that they come once a day; then they only happen once a week; then you are free. I say this happens because you finally trusted the Holy Spirit (or whoever is your One) and allowed forgiveness to happen.

So to forgive, you need to forgive yourself! Forgive yourself for thought processes your ego has created. When you do this, your life will be at peace and more harmony and love flows your way.

Rev. Christine McGuingale is a Pathways of Light minister living in College Park, MD.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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