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July - September, 2006

The One Correction

by Rev. Lee Catalano

To correct my Brother at the level of the world means nothing. It is an error of mind. What this means is, that if he does not teach the Course my way, etc., etc., for me to “offer” correction is an ego thought.

There is only one true correction. That is the one from the belief in guilt/unworthiness to the experience of innocence. A Course in Miracles states that, “No one comes to you by mistake.”

I am learning to only offer correction to my Brother when asked. In the asking, my Brother is ready to perceive his innocence. If I offer the correction to my Brother without being asked, the ego will always interpret the perception of innocence as an attack.

My Brother has the free will to decide what he believes he is. I trust and remain miracle ready, when asked for help. This is the only true correction as there is no world.

A mind is either in the experience of it’s innocence or not. True perception perceives only innocence. It does not look upon error through the lens of error and then offer correction.

Forgiveness Prayer

Holy Father I know I am forgiven. I have offered a correction where there was none to be made. My mind is yours. I am learning to fear you not.  Amen.

Rev. Lee Catalano is a Pathways of Light minister living in Needham, MA. Web site: heavensongministrypages.com

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2006

Special Relationships

by Rev. Myron Jones

Most of our relationships are based on the belief that we are not whole, that we are missing some vital piece of ourselves, and that we can get that missing part if we just hook up with the right person. We seldom are aware, on a conscious level, just what it is that we are missing. So here we are with this fuzzy idea that something is missing and that someone else can complete us. I don’t know how we expect to find that missing piece when we don’t even know what it looks like.

The reason we feel incomplete is because we feel separate from God. I am a child of God, created by Him, created in His image and after His likeness. And yet, am I truly comfortable with that definition of myself, or do I try to keep a barrier between me and my Creator? Because if I do, if I think there should be some gap between us, a place where neither God is, nor am I, then I am going to feel incomplete, less than whole.

And so that is why I spend my life trying to achieve that sense of wholeness. I look for ways to identify myself as a whole person. I try to become special in whatever way I think will work. Most of us start out dreaming of success and wind up settling for much less, but always we seek for some elusive thing that says I am special in some way. Some people look for specialness on the other side of the street. I am especially bad, or especially lost, especially dysfunctional.

Our true identity as a child of God needs nothing to improve upon it. It is complete in itself, but how many of us believe in our true self, the perfect self that God created? If this describes you, then you don’t need to read this article because I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the rest of the folks who feel like they have a bottomless hole in their soul that just cannot ever be filled.

I’m talking to the people who eat when they are not hungry because they mistakenly think that food will fill up that hole. I’m talking to the people who think that alcohol or drugs will satisfy that emptiness. I am addressing this to the folks who think Dillards is the god of happiness, or at least it is his favorite home. Have you ever indulged in an “if only” fantasy; you know, if only I won the lottery or if only I found that perfect soul mate? If you think that your next partner is going to be your savior, then I am talking to you.

I am talking to you because none of those things is going to complete you. Nothing outside of your mind can add to who you are. You are already whole and complete. What would the perfect creation of God need to make himself better? So if this is true, and logic tells us it is, then what happened? How did we get to the place that we find ourselves?

We all feel like something is missing. If we didn’t then we wouldn’t be spending all our money on stuff we sell at the next garage sale. How many people do you know who have been divorced at least once? Let me make this easier, “How many people do you know who have never been divorced?” I read an article that referred to first marriages as throw away marriages.

Where did this attitude come from? It comes from the idea that we are not complete, and that our completion comes from outside ourselves. We think that if only we found our perfect soul mate, then we would be complete. If the truth were to be known we are saying, “I’m looking for you to help me feel more special to make up for the feelings of lack and unworthiness I experience in myself.”(from Pathways course 905: Special Relationships vs Holy Relationships) And so we set out on the hunt for the one who will help us feel whole and worthy, and when we are not in a relationship the attitude is that something is wrong. And that if we are in a relationship and we are not happy, it must be that we made a mistake in choosing our partner and that it is time to move on.

Sometimes it is time to move on. There are legitimate reasons for doing so. However, if you are looking for happiness in your partner or anyone or anything else, you are going to be disappointed. We get out of a relationship what we bring to it. Cinderella is a fairy tale. We do not get married because we want to live happily ever after. Well, often we do, but it doesn’t work that way.

Relationships are a wonderful classroom, a place where we can do real work toward revealing our true Self. When we go into a relationship with this spiritually mature attitude, we can make great headway. Look at your relationships, romantic or otherwise, and ask yourself some questions about your expectations. Why do you want to be in this relationship? What do you want to get out of it? What do you expect the other person to do for you?

When I was married, I expected to get someone to talk to, to wake up next to. I expected to be special to that man, to be first in his loyalties, to be first in his love. I expected him to be true to me and to love me even when I got old. I had many expectations. I am certain he had many expectations of his own, and I am certain he was as disappointed in his expectations as I was.

What if I felt absolutely complete in myself? Would I have needed him to make me feel special and loved? If I am complete and whole, I don’t need anything. So what if I went into a relationship knowing that I don’t experience myself as I really am, but that I want to, and that I want someone to join me on this path. My relationship would still have many challenges, but now “I” becomes “we”; we are working together in full support of each other as we grow spiritually.

In a practical sense, what is the difference? Ok, let’s use the first relationship as an example. Jim and Susan are involved in a typical special relationship. They both want the other to be loyal. They want each to be first in the other’s life. Jim and Susan are supposed to be going out to eat. Jim says that he has changed his mind about going out because his friend wants him to help carpet his new living room. Susan becomes defensive. She has an agenda. She wants to be first in his loyalties and now feels betrayed. She feels that her agenda has been threatened, and since her agenda reflects her need to be made special, it feels like a personal attack. He is taking away her sense of specialness.

Feeling attacked, Susan quickly designs a defense strategy. She decides to go for the old tried and true guilt trip. “How could you choose him over me? We never get to do anything together. I already bought a new dress and did my hair.” In other words, “Feel so guilty that you give me my way.” Susan is speaking not from her true Self, but from her ego which is in constant battle, with guilt being the glue that holds its relationships together. (From 905: Special Relationships vs. Holy Relationships)

Now Jim feels guilty, and in need of defense. So he thinks up a defense strategy. He decides to take the offensive and convince Susan that she is a selfish, self-centered, umm, “witch.” The battle escalates. And that is what they have now; not a loving relationship, but a pitched battle, one of many in a war that they call a marriage.

This does not have to be the way it is. The relationship became a battleground because of the purpose they gave it. They set up this inevitable result when they decided that the purpose of the relationship was to get something from the other.

Pathways of Light course 905: Special Relationships vs Holy Relationships expresses this succinctly: In truth, love in this world of bodies really means, “I want to be special, but I also feel alone, lacking and unworthy, which I can’t stand. Will you be my special partner and promise to keep your body around and help me feel special? This will help submerge my pangs of loneliness, lack and unworthiness. I will get the specialness, acknowledgment and attention I want so desperately. In return I will shower you with specialness. I will agree to give special attention to you and shower you with my exclusive ‘love.’ Through our alliance in being special partners, we will avoid the side-effects of loneliness and guilt that our desire for specialness brings. We will be happy our way, in our little world of specialness. We will be each others idols and replace the Love of God.”

This doesn’t have to be. We can choose differently. We can recognize our oneness in God and by setting a clear intention to express that truth of our selves; we open our mind to the Holy Spirit for the healing of those specialness thoughts. We don’t have to do it alone, and in fact cannot do it alone, but to receive His help, we need only to look honestly at what we are doing and ask for correction.

Suppose they had chosen another purpose. A Course in Miracles says, “The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to make it happen.” Can you see how different that will make things? Suppose their purpose in having a relationship was to support each other in their spiritual growth, and to learn to have a relationship built on unconditional love rather than special love. In this case, when Jim decided to back out on the event, Susan might still be angry because she wanted to go out. However, because of their shared purpose, it would not have to escalate into war.

Susan could express her disappointment in the change of plans without needing him to capitulate. The need to be right that was experienced in the first relationship stemmed from a need to be special. It stemmed from a need to have specialness make her feel whole. In the second relationship, she still experienced the need to be special, but she will probably recognize that error because it is her intention to see things differently.

Jim is her partner in this process and wants to help her get there. He knows that giving in to her perceived needs may not be the most loving thing to do in this situation, because that would be reinforcing the idea of special guilt relationships. So he may still go to help his friend, but because he understands the dynamic he doesn’t feel personally attacked, and so is able to be loving in the situation. Even when they slip into the attack/defend mode, they both know that this is not the answer, that specialness is not the goal, and so at some point one of them will get off the merry go round.

The point is that whoever is saner at the time can stop the cycle of attack and defend. It doesn’t matter who does it because no one is trying to win on a personal level. They recognize that unless both of them win, neither wins. They are in this together. No one is trying to get something from the other.

Just recognizing that we are trying to complete ourselves through our relationships and that this never works is enough to open our mind to another possibility. There is a way to be in relationships that honors our self and our partner by honoring God as our Creator. We can achieve this by looking honestly at our relationships and asking the Holy Spirit to correct our errors.

Rev. Myron Jones is a Pathways of Light minister living in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Read more of her inspiring Healing Journal articles on the Pathways of Light web site. Be sure to visit Rev. Myron Jones Web site: ForgivenessIstheWayHome.org

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2006

New On the Web — A Course in Miracles Text Q & A

by Revs. Robert & Mary Stoelting

The past two years we have been working on providing additional perspectives for each section of the Text of A Course in Miracleson the Pathways of Light web site. Recently we have put these perspectives in a new question and answer format. Below are questions and answers for Chapter 17, Section III: Shadows of the Past from Text pgs 354-357.

How do we hear the Holy Spirit?

Paragraphs one and two explain why it is so important for us to step back from our usual way of thinking and invite the Holy Spirit into our mind. We remember to do this when it fully sinks in that what we think we know about ‘reality’ is not true. Being a ‘know it all’ just keeps us a prisoner to the ego thought system of separation. To consistently hear Holy Spirit, who does know reality, we need to make it a regular habit of remembering, “Nothing I see… means anything.” (WB Lesson 1) and, “My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.” (WB Lesson 11)

We need to be willing to remember that on our own we know nothing and it is only the Holy Spirit Who can show us the difference between truth and illusions. That is why Jesus tells us, “Forgiveness is a selective remembering, based not on your selection. For the shadow figures you would make immortal are ‘enemies’ of reality. Be willing to forgive the Son of God for what he did not do. The shadow figures are the witnesses you bring with you to demonstrate he did what he did not. Because you bring them, you will hear them. And you who keep them by your own selection do not understand how they came into your mind, and what their purpose is.” (1:3-8)

Why do irritating people show up in our lives?

In this fantasy world it certainly does not appear on the surface that the ‘shadow figures’ (the irritating and guilty ones that show up in our lives) are there by our own selection. It appears to us that it is just the opposite — that we are suffering (or are unhappy) because of their terrible behavior and that they certainly did not come into our lives by our invitation. But now Jesus is telling us that we invited them there because, “They represent the evil that you think was done to you [in the past]. You bring them with you only that you may return evil for evil, hoping that their witness [seeing their guilt] will enable you to think guiltily of another and not harm yourself. They speak so clearly for the separation that no one not obsessed with keeping separation could hear them.” (1:9-11)

When we join with the ego thought system, the more someone seems to match our need for a target on which to project our guilt and judgment, the more we are attracted to that person. To the ego, this is the perfect relationship. That is “why whatever reminds you of your past grievances attracts you, and seems to go by the name of love, no matter how distorted the associations by which you arrive at the connection may be.” (2:5) We see what we want to see and ignore what doesn’t fit our wishes of what we want to be real.

As we forgive, what happens to these ‘shadow figures’?

This is why Jesus is teaching us, “To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past, and those that were given you. All the rest must be forgotten.” (1:1-2) As we continue to forgive by seeing through Christ’s vision instead of what the body’s eyes are showing us, we free ourselves from making these ‘shadow figures’ real. We see what they are for: “Without exception, these relationships have as their purpose the exclusion of the truth about the other, and of yourself. This is why you see in both what is not there, and make of both the slaves of vengeance.” (2:3-4)

Why does Jesus tell us that this world is a world of vengeance?

Jesus has told us many times in many ways that this world is a world of vengeance. (See Workbook Lessons 22 and 26) We conveniently forget that the thoughts of differences we are believing in are meant to be replacements for God’s Thoughts of Love. We conveniently forget that making separate bodies real in our minds is trying to replace God’s oneness.

Unless we learn what is really going on at unconscious levels with all our relationships, we will not see a need to change our mind. Jesus wants us to recognize our unholy relationships (ones in which we see guilt and deem worthy of judgment) and forgive these insane ideas. That is why Jesus tells us, “Time is indeed unkind to the unholy relationship. For time is cruel in the ego’s hands, as [time] is kind when used for gentleness. The attraction of the unholy relationship begins to fade and to be questioned almost at once. Once [the unholy relationship] is formed, doubt must enter in, because its purpose is impossible. The ‘ideal’ of the unholy relationship thus becomes one in which the reality of the other does not enter at all to ‘spoil’ the dream.” (4:1-5)

In the ego’s unholy relationships, the face of Christ is not what it is wanting to see. That would spoil the dream of separation. That would spoil the ego’s idea of ‘bliss.’

Even though our grievances may be hard for us to look at, Jesus is giving us a great gift when he shows us how the ego thought system works in our minds and what the ego’s real motivations are. It is only when we recognize the ego’s attraction to holding grievances when it shows up in our mind and see these thoughts for what they are that we will be willing to let the Holy Spirit reverse our thinking.

What happens in our relationships when we join with the Holy Spirit?

When we join with the Holy Spirit, only the loving thoughts are remembered. “Let Him uncover the hidden spark of beauty in your relationships, and show it to you. Its loveliness will so attract you that you will be unwilling ever to lose the sight of it again. And you will let this spark transform the relationship so you can see it more and more. For you will want it more and more, and become increasingly unwilling to let it be hidden from you. And you will learn to seek for and establish the conditions in which this beauty can be seen.” (6:7-11)

These conditions are met when we are willing to focus on our brother’s kindnesses instead of counting up the hurts he gave. The more we focus on the love in our brother, the more we are letting in the truth. The more we let go of the past, the more we are freed from the bondage of our illusions.

What do I want to see? Am I joining with ego or Holy Spirit?

It all comes down to which thought system we value the most. What do we want to see? We cannot see the truth about our brother and see him as guilty at the same time. When we focus on his ‘guilty’ behavior and see him as a body, we are not seeing his eternal Spirit. We are not seeing the face of Christ. We are not seeing his true Reality as changeless Love in the Mind of Love. When we focus on one, the other disappears. “Which one you choose you will endow with beauty and reality, because the choice depends on which you value more. The spark of beauty or the veil of ugliness, the real world or the world of guilt and fear, truth or illusion, freedom or slavery — it is all the same. For you can never choose except between God and the ego.” (9:3-5)

This understanding is very significant. We are learning to recognize that there are only two thought systems and we are always choosing between one or the other. We can apply this learning to our daily lives. As we go through each day, we can learn to ask ourselves frequently, “Which thought system am I believing in right now? Am I joining with God or the ego?” This habit stimulates stepping back and questioning our habitual thoughts.

Stepping back from our habitual thoughts opens the door to letting Jesus in to heal our addictive habit of joining with ego thoughts. Jesus tells us, “My holy brother, I would enter into all your relationships, and step between you and your fantasies. Let my relationship to you be real to you, and let me bring reality to your perception of your brothers.” (10:1-2)

Jesus is asking us to join with him and let him into our minds. Letting Jesus in requires a willingness to be quiet and listen. It requires a willingness to lay ego thoughts down. We can’t have both at the same time. As we ask Jesus to enter and really mean it, he will light our minds with peace, gentleness and love. He will show us the goodness in every brother and extend God’s peace through us. He will bring our weary minds to a place of rest and quiet. He tells us, “Let me enter in the Name of God and bring you peace, that you may offer peace to me.” (10:8)

Mary & Robert Stoelting are co-founders of Pathways of Light. They live in Kiel, Wisconsin. To find ACIM Q & A on the Pathways of Light web site go to: http://pathwaysoflight.org/acimtext/textindex1-10.html

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2006

Forgiveness Is My Function

by Rev. Deb Phelps

In Chapter 17, in the first section, “Bringing Fantasy to Truth” we are reminded that “When you try to bring truth to illusions, you are trying to make the illusions real, and keep them by justifying your belief in them. But to give illusions to truth is to enable truth to teach that the illusions are unreal, and thus enable you to escape from them.” (T-17.I.5:4-5)

And so it is for me to bring the darkness to the Light. That is my function, that is why I am here. It also states in the Course in Chapter 9 that “To forgive is to overlook.” But how can I do this with various situations in my life when they may seem so unsurmountable? With my awareness and my willingness I can bring every situation to the truth. It is as I am ready. When I am ready to let go of the sense of weakness, strain, fatigue from my mind, I will understand what forgiveness will do for me. When I am ready to allow the fear, guilt and pain to be washed away, then I will know and accept peace. It is entirely by my own choice. What is it that I choose right now?

The dedication to one’s healing is important. How much do I want to heal? How much am I willing to let go? Am I willing to release the hooks of attachment to the outcome? When I can release, I can experience peace. I can experience the freedom that forgiveness offers me. This can be done. It is possible.

“Tolerance for pain may be high but not without limit.” That means when I have come to a point where I can no longer take the emotional stress of what is occurring in my life, I will open up to another way of living. That is when I forgive and become willing to truly walk with the Holy Spirit.

I went through this myself over a month ago. A day or so of anger that really not only interrupted my peace but seemed to disrupt my life. I experienced what I needed to experience. I had not been in that place of anger in a very, very long time. Anything that anyone could say, or what I could read that was Course-related meant nothing to me in the moment. I had to be where I was and as I was ready, I opened myself up to looking at the situation differently, which was also looking at myself differently. This included forgiving myself for not being as “spiritual” as the ego told me I wasn’t being. So it prompted me to take my spiritual dedication to a deeper level. For many years I have taken the idea of practical application of the Course very seriously. And so, why not now?

And that’s what I did. How many teachers of God admit when they have merely made a mistake? It is perfectly fine to make a mistake and then to move on. It is our own devotion to reprimand and punishment and pain that keeps us from moving forward. When I embrace the innocence that I am as the Holy Spirit sees me, overlook all that I see and seem to experience, then the happiness, the true happiness of the Father enters into my life.

I have felt and experienced this in the last month. And how is that? By applying exactly as it all states in the Course, following my specialized curriculum sent to me by the Holy Spirit. Not cursing what has happened in my life but blessing each situation as an opportunity to forgive, heal and move forward into the Light.

Many situations in my life have occurred over the years, the “trauma dramas” so to speak. The ones that the world would stand judgment on. However, if I stay stuck on the questioning of why did this happen, why did that happen, O, I should have done this differently, or not because of this such and such happening, my life is ruined.

This is not the truth. I am not what has happened to me. I am not the tragedies. I am God’s Child Whom He loves and has never abandoned. All the experiences that I have had lead me to the greater truth if I so allow them. It leads me to God.

All things are lessons that God would have me learn. Curse them and I curse myself. Bless them and I am free. That is my function today, forgiveness as I am the light of the world. I would remember this because I indeed want to be happy.

Rev. Deb Phelps is a Pathways of Light minister living in Madison, Wisconsin.  Revs. Deb & Paul Phelps web site: miraclesone.org

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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