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October-December, 2004

Healing Is Coming Home to God

by Rev. Linda Wisniewski, O.M.C.

Over the 4th of July, I attended a six day course at Pathways of Light titled, 905: Holy Relationships vs. Special Relationships. One of the issues I have been working with has been the special relationship I have created with my body. For most of my life, I have been identified with my body through sickness and pain. I am learning through the Course that, “The body is the ego’s home by its own election. It is the only identification with which the ego feels safe since the body’s vulnerability is its own best argument that you cannot be of God.” (T-4.V.4:1-2)

Before I found Pathways of Light, I identified myself as a nonbeliever for most of my adult life. I wasn’t fully aware that I was angry with God because I was so focused on the pain and symptoms in my body. Even as I began my studies at Pathways, I felt ambivalent about my relationship with God; so, it wasn’t surprising that on the first day of the program on Holy vs. Special Relationships, I experienced a severe headache which lasted an entire day. Even aspirin wouldn’t bring relief. On the second day I experienced such severe heartburn I was certain I was having a heart attack. Nothing relieved it till I regurgitated. I was scared and thought I should stay home and not continue with the program.

Jesus tells us in the Course how all sickness, lack and dis-ease is really a defense against truth. We are afraid of our unity with God and in our insanity we will try to make the body stronger than the truth by making the body sick. “The ego’s survival depends on our continuing to believe that the bodies and the world of form seen through the body’s eyes are real, to keep the ego the ruler of your mind.” (Course 909, Wellness Through Mind Healing. p. 11)

The symptoms of heartburn came to try to stop me from pursuing the truth and remembering my oneness with God and Love. However, I knew if I stopped ego would win and want to continue to destroy me. I asked Holy Spirit to guide me through this and lead me to healing.

I shared what was happening to me with the other students in the class. One of the students offered to work with me doing some mindfulness body work and clearing, which involved forgiveness through releasing guilt. “We need to understand the deeply hidden motivations behind our choice of sickness, suffering and pain.” (Course 909, Wellness Through Mind Healing. p.1)

During the lunch break, the student guided me through a mindfulness process asking me to notice where I was holding tension in my body and to speak from that place. “The body which the ego made is simply our vehicle for learning the lessons we need. It has no other purpose. It has no life of its own.” (Karen Casey, Daily Meditations for Practicing the Course: Jan. 31st)

“The body only reflects what the mind projects.”(Daily Meditations: March 3rd) I noticed a lot of tightening in my throat and experienced rage coming up. I was asked to speak from that rage as if I was that rage. Rage I never expressed came forcefully tumbling out. It was being directed at my biological father.

I was guided to go deeper and listen to the words I was expressing. All of a sudden I stopped and realized that the words, “You abandoned me;” “You were never there for me.” “I hate you;” were really the unconscious rage I felt against God projected onto my biological father and other authority figures. The Course states: “He (the god of sickness) is the symbol of deciding against God.” (T-10.IV.1:7) “To deny God will ultimately result in projection and you will believe that others and not yourself have done this to you.” (T-10.V.2:1)

All the projected rage I had repressed was coming out into the light. My belief that my biological father was not there for me was really my unconscious false ego belief that God was not there for me; that He was angry with me for having separated from Him and as a result I falsely believed I deserved to be punished for having left Him. This resulted in guilt that was being projected onto others and was being expressed in bodily symptoms.

Ego wanted to make the body real to distract me from remembering the truth — that my Home is in God and not in the body. “With this desire to separate from God comes the belief that we are guilty. We project that God would punish us for our ‘graven sins’ of separating from Him,” (Course 909: Wellness Through Mind Healing, p.2) “In our arrogance, we decided that God hates us for what we have done and now it is the vengeance of God that is the cause of all our misery.” (Course 909: Wellness Through Mind Healing, p.2)

During the clearing process, I was guided to remember my true Identity. I received the message that I had no need to feel guilty. I never left God and God never left me. I heard the message that I am loved because I am of God; I am perfect in that Love because I am of Him.

As I heard His words of Love for me, I felt the release of guilt and knew a deep healing had taken place, a healing that came out of forgiveness for forgetting my true Identity as Love. The Course states, “Forgiveness is the means by which we will remember. Through forgiveness the thinking of the world is reversed. The forgiven world beckons the gate of Heaven because by its mercy we can at last forgive ourselves. Holding no one prisoner to guilt, we become free.”(Preface xiii)

I felt overjoyed and bathed in peace. The bodily symptoms stopped, for the purpose was served. I needed to withdraw the projections, release the guilt through forgiveness and welcome myself Home into the loving arms of God, my True Home. It wasn’t an accident that I was being led by Holy Spirit to go to Pathways of Light and spend the week learning about Holy vs. Special Relationships.“Healing is returning to the thoughts of God; healing is letting go of separation, specialness and letting Oneness return at last.”(Course 909: Wellness Through Mind Healing)

Linda Wisniewski is a Pathways of Light student in training living in Plymouth, Wisconsin.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2004

Ode to Holy Spirit

by Rev. Barbara Kraetsch, O.M.C.

I rely on You, Holy Spirit. You are my strength and my Light. I totally trust in You. I see the illusion but I do not trust it. I trust only in You to be my guiding strength. You lead me into peace. You lead me to the still waters of my mind where I can see reflected the truth of what is. I can give my life to You. I do not know the way or the meaning of the illusion and so I give it all to You.

I want to be healed. It is my only desire. I rely on You to be there for me in every step. You support my mind with strength and Light. I surrender to You. I am most willing for You to lead me, to be my only Guide and my only support. I lean on You, giving You the total weight of my burden, knowing that You will take it from me and give me healing in return.

I give You everything I see and feel, and You give me everything eternal in return. I give You anxiety and You give me peace. I give You worry and You give me joy. I give You dissatisfaction and judgment and You give me Love. You take all I have and give me salvation in return. I give you weariness of the world and You show me Heaven in return. In my gratitude I follow You.

You take my hands and lead me gently away from the oppressive burden of illusion I have made. You comfort me and heal me. You take my cares and woes and transform them into glad opportunities to see the power of Your Love. I rely on You. I rely on Your vision of truth to support me. In the vastness, there You are with me most gently and caringly.

There, underneath the illusion, lies the truth fully supporting me. I know I cannot falter or stumble as You are there to place me firmly on the path to God again. You right my feet and my mind, point me into the direction I am to go and then walk with me holding my hand until I can walk again sure footed, listening only to Your Voice.

When I seem afraid, there You are appearing to me as God’s saving Grace. When I am calmed again, there You are as the part of me You always were, not separate but with me still. How miraculous is this Love You bear for me. You bring miracles of Love from Oneness to where I am. You love me always. I know I can rely on this. You show me Love and I follow Love. Love can see only Itself and so I know again that I am only Love. In my following You am I healed from all illusion.

Holy Spirit, I give You gratitude for Your healing Presence, for Your perfect willingness to show me Love, for Your role in bringing me to remembering that I can only follow Love, for Love is all there is. I can be at peace because You help me remember I am one with peace. This is all there is, just peace. In gratitude, in my willingness, I can let illusion slide away and return in this instant to the awareness of what I am in truth because of You, Holy Spirit. Trust turns to gratitude in the miracle of Your Love.

Rev. Barbara Kraetsch is a Pathways of Light minister living in Hartford, Wisconsin.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2004

The Call of God

by Rev. Erin Lawson, O.M.C.

I was recently ordained as a Pathways of Light minister on the island of Kauai in the state of Hawaii. I was there to complete my “in-person training” with Rev. Petra Sundheim. I have spent the past two years doing the work of all four steps in the process, over the Internet, with Petra as my facilitator. The experience of sharing with her was so enjoyable and fulfilling the two years seemed to go by in a flash.

However, when I came to the start of the fourth step I began to feel nervous. I was not at all sure why and so I pushed it aside and tried to forget about it. I was enjoying myself too much to let nervousness disturb the process. As the weeks went by the nervousness kept cropping up and I began to notice a connection between the nervousness and the up coming trip to Kauai.

for the past six or seven years I have lived a life of relative seclusion so I thought that maybe I was nervous about meeting new people. I found that hard to believe because I used to travel all over the country speaking to thousands of “strangers” and never thought twice about it. So once again i tried to forget the nervousness and let it pass.

The day finally came and I’m off to Kauai. Petra had let me know before hand that she hoped to take me sight-seeing, if we had the time, and she wanted me to meet her ACIM study group. I had not been to a study group since I started living in seclusion so I was looking forward to the meeting. That Wednesday morning we went to the church where the group met. By the time we arrived they had already started their meeting. Petra and I went in, took our seats and exchanged introductions. The group then went back to the business at hand. The first thing I became aware of was how very nervous I was feeling. I started to share and found it hard to speak normally because of the nervousness. I excused myself, closed my eyes and ask God to bless all there with His peace. I felt the calm come over me in the moment but I knew the problem was not resolved. I thanked God for His blessing and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the meeting.

On Friday afternoon we completed the “in-person training” and I began to ponder the ordination service the following day. The nervousness I had been experiencing suddenly became outright fear. I was shocked. My mind started racing, trying to find the answer. I thought maybe if I sat down and wrote some thoughts on paper it might calm me down. It did not help. Finally, I took the problem to the only place I would get the answer and I cried out, “Father, what am I so afraid of?” I felt a huge release of fear and an amazing sense of warmth and peace as if someone had wrapped me in a blanket. Then my mind was filled with the memory of a moment in my life from twenty-two years earlier.

Twenty-two years ago while cleaning up the altar at my church, God blessed me with the experience of witnessing the Holy Spirit descending into my Spiritual partner at the time and baptize me through her in the Name of God. My knees bent, my head bowed and I cried like a baby. When she made the sign of the cross on my forehead I collapsed into a state of ecstasy, unable to move for the next few hours. It was my moment of “Awakening to God.”

God was calling me to serve His Will on earth and I wanted to, but I felt so unworthy and afraid. I keep thinking I’ll honor God’s Law on earth, but I’ll do it this way not the way He revealed to me. For the past twenty-two years I have been running from “His Way.”
The fear I was experiencing regarding ordination was about me finally surrendering to my Father’s Way absolutely. I now know what Jesus truly meant when he said, “I am the way.” I am a Child of God, created by God, for God, in God. All else is a dream. I extend the Love and peace of God to all His children.

Rev. Erin Lawson is a Pathways of Light minister living in Honolulu, Hawaii.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2004

Soul Journeys

by Rev. Vallee Rose, O.M.C.

Prayers, miracles and God have always been a part of my life. The beauty of God’s creations and the serenity of God’s Love swelled in my spirit despite a society dismissing such serenity as easily as empty McDonald’s containers. We prayed for people’s health, their travels, their trials and tribulations though ignored the praises to our Creator for what health and happiness we experienced. God became a “Sugar Daddy”; “Give me this and that!” rather than seen for what Love is: Our Creator, the Guide of the Universe, the essence of our soul’s journeys.

We can pray and hope, beg and plead for what we want from a toy truck to a healthy heart. Yet we must remember to praise our Creator for assisting us on the journey we have agreed to, both the dark nights and the golden days. We must remember to pray with our Creator to assist us in remembering our spiritual life and to fulfill our soul’s journey to the best of our ability. Too often we judge ourselves in terms of how well we protect others, raise perfect children and behave by societal norms. We ignore the truth in order to be accepted, decrease earthly conflict and escape from ourselves. We run from what we know to be the truth only to be enmeshed within religious institutions and societal ways. And then we attempt to make sure that all others follow us.

I spent the first thirty years of my life with an internal battle between what I knew to be truth and the path I had been asked to follow. In the middle of studying to be an ordained minister, I had an experience that changed my life. My daughter was sixteen at the time. Her father and I separated when she was one year old, making me a single parent with no assistance. My daughter spent her younger years being labeled everything from emotionally disturbed, strong-willed and having potential, to being a joy to be around and a wonderful dance student. She lived with a mother who was often confused, a perfectionist, a workaholic and had few effective parenting skills. I tried everything from yelling to time-outs, sticker charts, rewards and consequences. Keeping her busy with dancing proved the most effective. Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) wasn’t very popular back then or she probably would have been diagnosed such, though I am glad that she wasn’t diagnosed in this way.

My daughter had her own soul journey and I was right in the middle of it, so it seemed. In my heart, I knew she was her own person and had her own journey. I allowed her to pick out her own clothes, eat when hungry, and attempt to monitor herself with parental guidance; something I hadn’t learned until later in life. I was ridiculed and scorned for her behavior as well as mine, and yet I stuck to what my Higher Self told me was the best action to take. As she became older, the advice and scorn increased. My daughter left home for weeks at a time saying she was going to this person’s home or the other. Often drugs were involved, cruising late at night and overall “deviant” behavior according to our society. But I was always there if she wanted to come home or needed a ride out of a potentially dangerous situation. I trusted her until she proved otherwise. I guided her and assisted with the positives in her life as much as I could. And I prayed! I didn’t pray that she would do this or do that; I didn’t ask our Creator for her to come home and go to school like a “good girl.” But rather, I prayed she was as safe as possible as she followed her chosen path and that she would keep God in her heart.

I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to allow my daughter to follow her own journey until one evening after work as I walked through the front door. My daughter was in her usual position: sprawled on the living room sofa. Everything appeared in its usual fashion: the apathy when I said hello, the lack of movement and the overall lethargy. But today had been different for her. Her boyfriend’s mother wouldn’t allow him to visit her that afternoon. So she made another plan: She asked her girlfriend to take her to WalMart, which her girlfriend did. Inside WalMart, my daughter purchased two bottles of aspirin and then had her girlfriend drive her home. She said she had a headache. Once at home alone, she swallowed the aspirin.

As I walked through the front door that evening feeling the daily frustration of my daughter not upholding her end of the bargain of either attending school or having a job, I had no awareness of the emotional pain she was experiencing or the journey she was following until she called out my name and told me of her actions. Often dealing with crisis in my work, I immediately went into the counselor mode. I had her tell me where the empty aspirin bottles were and I counted how many pills were left in the bottles. I, then, called the local emergency room to report that I was bringing her in immediately. I pulled my daughter into the car despite her objections and drove her to the ER as she was passing out on me.

Once in the ER, I stood by her side as she went in and out of consciousness and the nurses struggled to get a tube down her throat. I stood and watched as God spoke to me, “This is your daughter’s journey. You have been a good parent and guide. This is not about you, but rather between your daughter and Me. Pray that she keeps Me in her heart. This is her soul’s journey.” And so I did as I said good-bye to any selfish prayers I may have had of wanting her to live. I prayed she would keep her Creator in her heart and remember the truth. That day I learned how little I knew about the soul journey of others.

Today, my daughter is twenty-two years old with a beautiful husband and son. She is happy and living a life she loves. She may not do everything the way that her mother would do it, but she is being true to her soul journey and I am to mine. We love each other dearly and spend time together whenever possible. She continues to be my teacher and guardian angel.

Rev. Vallee Rose is a Pathways of Light minister living in Raton, New Mexico.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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