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October-December, 2017

Letting Go of the Outcome

by Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C.

It has been more than two years now since an independent filmmaker first approached me. He asked if he could make the book I authored, Forgiving Kevin, into a motion picture. It is my memoir about my years as the father of a heroin addict.

I had mixed feelings about how I should respond to the movie proposal. Years of study in A Course in Miracles have taught me to take such an important decision to the Holy Spirit for clarification.

My method of contemplation is simple. I wrote the following question in my journal: “Should I give the rights of the book to this filmmaker to make a movie?”

Then I wrote all my own thoughts about how I feel. The third step is to pray for grace and meditate, asking Holy Spirit, “What would You have me do?” Following the meditation, I write the answers I receive.

I had concerns that the story might hurt certain members of our family. Kevin’s mom and his brother did not originally like the idea of our family’s ordeal being displayed publicly. My greatest concern, however, was how Kevin’s young daughter, Olivia, would be affected as she grew up.

In short, I received this answer from Holy Spirit: “Say yes to the movie proposal and let go of the outcome.”

Since then much has happened. I had no knowledge of the process of making a movie. It has been a roller-coaster ride of highs and lows full of exciting possibilities and heartbreaking disappointments.

The movie stalled in November just as the filming was all set to begin. The initial money had been raised. The staff of filmmakers was fully assembled. The screenplay was written. Well-known actors had been chosen and secured. The locations had been scouted and selected. The daily schedule for a 5-week shooting was set and distributed to all involved. It was all ready to go.

For reasons I do not know, a large chunk of the preliminary funding dropped out on Election Day 2016. That money was essential to the start-up and the team is still trying to recover this funding. This withdrawal of funds started a chain reaction of problems that still need to be overcome.

Spirit’s advice to me remains: “Let go of the outcome.” As all Course students know, it can be difficult to let go and let God handle the details. But this is our practice.

Most of the team is still in place and is working to secure new funds to kick-start the process. There are many wonderful people involved with their hearts set on helping to heal those caught in this insidious opioid epidemic.

I continue to be reminded that Holy Spirit has counseled me to let go of the outcome. All this can be very challenging. I am determined, however, to follow Spirit’s advice. Let God’s Will be done.

I have often wondered why Holy Spirit would have this project unfold in such a manner. So many well-intentioned people have reached out to support the cause of healing drug addiction. Why would such a promising effort by such passionate people fall apart?

I have solicited no one for funds. Nevertheless, there recently has been some more investment money coming from people who have a strong desire to help this cause. But as the opioid epidemic continues to increase its death grip on our children, we are all left wondering how it will turn out.

My role seems clear. I am not to agonize over the apparent obstacles to the solution. I am to trust in Spirit and to keep my mind open to opportunities that will present themselves. Only God’s plan will work. I trust in that. And I will let go of the outcome.

Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Long Beach, New York.
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© 2017, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2017

Healing Pain

by Rev. Rosemarie Tropf, O.M.C.

This article is about chronic pain and how I have been dealing with it for many years. I was told there was nothing wrong with me for such a long time but I finally received a diagnosis in the 90’s! Yes! I knew it! There is something wrong with me. I am not a hypochondriac. It’s called Fibromyalgia! Victory dance! Now, what do I do for it?

Nothing. There is no cure for fibromyalgia! How perfect is that for the ego mind? Seek and do not find a cure. But I tried anyhow! I tried every holistic cure in the world and I mean world. I even went to India to find a cure but I already knew there was no cure. I just knew it. Then I learned about Somatization. That’s when the body expresses physical pain instead of allowing emotions to surface. Yes! I knew there must be more to this diagnosis. The cure for that?

Years and years of therapy. I knew it. I really am a complicated case. After all, I suffered sexual abuse since age 4. How complicated is that? I suffered physical abuse from age 9 to 18. That’s pretty deep and very complicated to address too. So I tried therapy. Three different times. Three different wonderful, caring therapists who could see how specially complicated and delicate my case was. After five to six years of this, I grew tired of talking about the past. I preferred ACIM.

I decided I won’t talk about it anymore, I’ll just give it to Holy Spirit. The pain increased. I ended up this week having surgery on my neck removing two discs…not one but two. Isn’t that very special and complicated?

I’ve been in a neck brace for a week now with a lot of time to think. One day a thought popped into my head. What if this surgery doesn’t remove the pain of fibromyalgia? What if I stay in this pattern of pain separating me from so many activities my loved ones want me to join in? Will neck surgery cure my thought patterns? Will neck surgery turn me into an extrovert? Will neck surgery make me a top notch business woman who can now have a career? I knew the answer to all those questions. Seek and do not find.

Today’s Lesson 236 says, “I rule my mind, which I alone must rule. I have a kingdom I must rule. At times, it does not seem I am its king at all. It seems to triumph over me, and tell me what to think, and what to do and feel.”

This kingdom of mine seems to have a monkey running loose. A very strange monkey. It’s bigger than a gorilla but faster than a spider monkey. The monkey thinks it is the “king” of the kingdom because it can move at the speed of light. It is also very sly and it can hide in small spaces and even imitate Holy Spirit.

I have had periods of time when I live in peace and stillness for months at a time. Then whammo. Usually the whammo is physical pain. Because of the pain, once again the monkey begins running the kingdom. Thoughts of anger, pride, rage, specialness rule the kingdom again. But I’m a good Course student. I know better than to dramatize stupid emotions like that. I am way more together than to act like some drama queen and give in to that. I am not going there!

As a child there was chaos in our home that terrified me. Especially in the middle of the night, when it was dark, when they thought we were asleep. Thumping, screaming, running, drunken slurred threats. I was terrified of the darkness. So my mind developed a coping mechanism for this child’s interpretation of that terror which was to shut down. I used to tell people, you know you could torture me and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me. Nothing bothers me. That is what being shut down feels like.

I also became a do-gooder. I became a people pleaser. I became determined to save the world from chaos by finding God and teaching God to the world. I wanted everyone to do good…damn it. Why don’t people appreciate me? How could anyone not be like me? I am so nice. I am harmless. See, I am already so sick you need not be threatened by me! I am harmless and I only want to do good.

I fashioned myself after Doris Day. I even dress like her. I am the pretty girl next door who is always feeding the poor and helping out at hospice, who cares for everybody. Why doesn’t everybody like me? Why don’t they want to be like me? Very frustrating! Very disappointing. I felt a lot of cynicism creep into my mind by the time I was in my 40’s. That cynicism never left me, coloring my world dull. These were coping mechanisms that don’t work anymore, I am discovering this week. Shutting down and developing a personality that keeps the chaos at bay only adds to the problem by burying it.

As I learn to listen to Holy Spirit, I am learning to be grateful for that coping mechanism because it kept me feeling sane for a long time. But now I have to gently dismantle it. This is the peeling of the onion, as they say.

I’ve been reading a book about how the brain will express physical pain in the body instead of allowing painful emotions to surface. I remember as a kid being terrified of emotions like grief expressed as crying. If I cried, I cried giant heaving sobs that were uncontrollable.

My dad used to look at me in fear of the amount of tears I spewed over the smallest thing. I felt so sad that our home was so chaotic and upsetting. But my mum? No way was I ever allowed to cry. She was horrified by my crying. “You cut that out, Missy.” The thought of expressing rage was equally unthinkable. “Don’t you dare talk like that around here, Missy.”

I had a disproportionate terror of abandonment. I just knew that if I cried or expressed anger, I would be thrown out of the house for good (not true but who knew). Hiding emotions like this is called Somatization. That means, instead of feeling the emotions, the body feels pain. That’s a coping mechanism of the brain.

Most children from abusive families bury their emotions and so they will act out in one way or another. I learned how to disconnect from my feelings and the more I disconnected from those emotions the more physical pain I experienced. But, as Lesson 236 says, this is my kingdom and, with Holy Spirit’s help, I will learn to be mindful, to allow emotions to be exposed and to Love those emotions, no matter what they are, instead of resisting them.

Not allowing those emotions to surface is rather like trying to hold a beach ball under water. Eventually it will pop up to the surface, no matter how hard I wrestle it to hold it down. Only with Holy Spirit can I deal with the beach ball and the monkey mind that is trying to keep the beach ball under the water. No need for guilt. No need for blame. Only releasing to the Holy Spirit will heal these wounds enough until I get to the original wound of the separation.

I was terrified of abandonment. Do I feel abandoned by God? Ego mind sure does. Was I acting like a do-gooder so I wouldn’t be punished? Isn’t that an ego trick to convince God I am worthy of Her Love? “If I’m perfect enough, will God Love me?” ego says. Wouldn’t God just love Doris Day? I mean she is so sweet and so funny and so kind to everyone. “If I fix the world, won’t God let me into heaven?” ego says?

I am grateful I didn’t choose to act out as a drug addict or a promiscuous girl or a criminal. But, there is no judgment from God on “how” we act out. Acting out is fear. All fear needs is to have the Love of God shining onto it so there are no more dark corners to scare little girls who don’t know God is right there beside them, loving them, trying to tell them there is no such thing as abandonment. I am not alone. I was never alone.

Thank you God. I am so grateful for Holy Spirit, for ACIM and for my worthy companions on the path to God. We are all shining our Light into those dark corners together because God’s Love shines through us every time we choose again. Today, I choose again.

Rev. Rosemarie Tropf is a Pathways of Light minister living in Safety Harbor, Florida.  Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2017, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2017

The Wisdom Within You

by Rev. Cathy Silva, O.M.C.

Every one of us has Wisdom within us. Even before we found A Course in Miracles (or rather it found us) or consciously stepped onto a spiritual path (or don’t feel spiritual at all). Even when we were going through what seemed like the worst of the worst, It was there, that still small Voice of Truth, our Inner Guide.

There is an eternal love that is us that shines through and guides us when given the chance. When we are willing or even when we’ve had quite enough of the nonsense and have no choice but to surrender it all, the reassuring, loving and helpful guidance comes through in the form of words, images, or feelings.

Throughout my life’s journey the Guidance found its way through as a reminder, especially in the times when I needed it the most.

One morning while I lay in bed in the back of our RV, the following message came through which I included as the introduction to my book, I Am, Inc., written during a time in my life when I was attempting to be a successful coach, entrepreneur and full time mom. 

The words came on my heart so clear and gently. The RV was the temporary home for our family of four plus two dogs and a cat for two years while our home was rebuilt in the aftermath of hurricane Charley. I believe it was a nudge from Holy Spirit that reminded me that even while I and my husband were dealing with shady building contractors and attempting to make some sort of ‘normal’ life for our family after the storm, there was the Call to wake up to what is real and eternal within.

Whatever you are going through right now, whatever burdens you are trying to carry, whatever thoughts of the past are taking up space in your mind, in this holy instant, LET IT ALL GO.

Let it be a reminder for you, too.
Here’s the message:

Are you aware of the wisdom within you?


Do you know of the Love we share?


Are you aware of the Light within you?


Or is it hiding in the shadows of your fears?


Do you know that I AM with you — with every step and every breath?

When you look through the patterns of your life, do you see Me in every thread?


Do you know you have a mission that only you can do?

And you were created with ALL you need,
even the smallest seed,


To do what you are here to do, and love as I love you.

Rev. Cathy Silva is a Pathways of Light Accessing Inner Wisdom Counselor, Minister and facilitator of ACIM and related programs Life Purpose Coach. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) Web: http://www.cathysilva.org

© 2017, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2017

Trust

by Rev. Maura Williams, O.M.C.

Sometimes I doubt myself. I can think of a million and one reasons not to trust myself, but I’m beginning to see this is a very destructive habit. I’m working, once again, on trust and trust always boils down to trusting myself.

I tell myself I don’t trust you. I tell myself people cannot be trusted and world affairs would prove this to me. But what is trust? If I already know I can’t trust anything outside myself, then what is trust? If I’m constantly trying to control or influence situations outside of myself, am I trusting?

I think trust is a deep reliance on God and the faith and belief that He knows what is best for me. Knowing this enables me to trust myself.

He created me like Himself. The Holy Spirit watches over me and can use anything I do for my good and for the good of all mankind. This way no one loses and that is God’s way. Sometimes this is hard for me to accept. A Course in Miracles says, “You are asked to trust the Holy Spirit only because He speaks for you. He is the Voice for God, but never forget that God did not will to be alone. He shares His Will with you; He does not thrust it upon you. Always remember that what He gives He keeps, so that nothing He gives can contradict Him. You who share His life must share it to know it, for sharing is knowing.” (T-11.I.11:1-5)

Sharing is a good guage for me to use to see just how trusting I am. When I feel trusting, I share and I share willingly. When I’m mistrustful or full of doubt, I’m afraid and I’m not willing to share. I’m stuck in the ego thought process, and I’m not willing to be open. I would lock myself in my house and refuse to answer the door or the telephone. Yes, I have done this. Sometimes this down time is very healthy and necessary. Feeling the feelings of hurt, anger and lack of trust show me how miserable I really am all by myself. Not only have I locked myself in my physical house, I have locked myself outside of my spiritual home. The ego always wants to isolate. It is afraid to share and is incapable of being honest.

The ego needs compassion and understanding. There is nothing it can do or undo to hurt me. Ultimately there is nothing anyone can do to hurt me. I don’t have to be afraid. I don’t have to feel doubt or mistrustful. These are choices. I can choose again with the Holy Spirit. I can accept the love and the peace of God inside me. It’s always there. Accepting and being in touch with this part of myself helps me to be open, to trust and to share.

The events of the last two days have been lessons in accepting and have brought me the gift of peace. These two situations have shown me how silly it is for me to worry about anything. I had scheduled a meeting, but I really wanted to consult with one other person before the meeting. It just didn’t seem to work out. Then my plans were abruptly changed by situations beyond my control and now I’ll be able to meet with that person before the meeting. That same day an important decision I thought I was going to have to make was made for me. I had no control or influence over these two situations. Things just worked out. I didn’t have to do anything, but sit back, relax and observe. Why on earth would I ever doubt myself or this journey we call life?

But what would I have done if things didn’t turn out so well? I recently attended the memorial service of someone who died too young by his own hands. He suffered from depression. Depression is a great isolator. It will always leave you feeling alone in the world. Depression is one of the reasons sharing is so important. If he had been able to share his feelings with even one other person he may have changed his mind about ending his life.

I cannot judge what he did. I can only accept it and learn from it. He is why it’s so important to reach out to others. You never know who may be helped by your words or your simple actions. You never know, but you can trust. I can’t say it any better than this quote from A Course in Miracles.

You may wonder how you can be at peace when, while you are in time, there is so much that must be done before the way to peace is open. Perhaps this seems impossible to you. But ask yourself if it is possible that God would have a plan for your salvation that does not work. Once you accept His plan as the one function that you would fulfill, there will be nothing else the Holy Spirit will not arrange for you without your effort. He will go before you making straight your path, and leaving in your way no stones to trip you. Not one seeming difficulty but will melt away before you reach it. You need take thought for nothing, careless of everything except the only purpose that you would fulfill. As that was given you, so will its fulfillment be. God’s guarantee will hold against all obstacles, for it rests on certainty and not contingency. It rests on you. And what can be more certain than a Son of God? (T-20.IV.8:1-12)

Rev. Maura Williams, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2017, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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