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January-March, 2017

Old Time Religion: “You’re an Abomination. Get Out!”

by Rev. Barbara Adams, O.M.C.

Being recently ordained by Pathways of Light Spiritual College, I seek the path where I may best serve. I have been following a vital teaching of the Course: Listen. And as Rev. Mary Gerard Lenihan, O.M.C. would say, “Pause for Inspiration in the midst of everyday life.”

These easy to remember steps of “Pause for Inspiration include: PAUSE. The decision to stop in the moment. STEP BACK. The decision to get out of my own way. STEP ASIDE. The decision to invite Inspiration Within to help. And LET INSPIRATION GUIDE. The decision to choose my Inspired Mind and follow the Wisdom of Inspiration.”

I’m grateful to Mary. Following the Pause Steps has brought me to, what should have been, an obvious insight. As a gay woman—a woman who was previously married to a wonderful man with whom I have two amazing adult-children; a woman who has been in a committed relationship with a loving, beautiful and talented woman for nearly three decades, I saw the Light: Serve the LGBTQ community. Of course!

I suffered for years as a closeted Catholic. Being preached at and lectured to from the pulpit I was sent the message that I was damned to the flames of hell. However, I couldn’t publicly grieve or lash out. So I did what so many LGBTQ people do. I damned myself. I escorted myself to hell. I internalized the hate and attempted to hide it deep within.

Years ago at a workshop, I heard a woman tell of suppressing feelings and needs. I’m paraphrasing when I relate her message: Hiding something you fear is like burying yourself alive. You clamor and claw at yourself as you attempt to dig your way back out… to life.

Clamor and claw I did. Hiding my sexuality was life-taking. Bit by bit society and the church sent devastating messages that I was no good. That I was a mistake. That I was to be stricken down. I listened and believed those messages. At that time, I didn’t realize that I was listening to my ego that, through my fear, was taking sheer delight in witnessing my incremental demise.

Society at-large fed into the diatribe that so many of my brothers and sisters and I were force fed. Having been born within the early years of the Baby Boomer spectrum, medical and psychological practices were still evolving. Open minds had not caught up with open wounds. There were numerous instances of conversion therapy that I was subjected to. The electric shocks to my brain didn’t change me, but they removed numerous memories and my self-worth. They reinforced what I had come to believe: I was an unchangeable abomination!

While in education for over 32 years as both a teacher and administrator, I feared being outed. My job was on the line as was my reputation and my family. In the closet, I huddled in fetal position for years. Listening to colleagues tell stories of the love-of-their-lives while socializing over lunch in the teacher’s lounge, I could only sit there with a wooden smile on my face and bury my story, my pain and my fear even deeper.

The late ‘80s and early ‘90s brought a miracle! A metaphorical shovel was handed to me as a way of digging myself out of my tomb. Dignity-Integrity, a joint organization and gathering place for Catholic and Episcopalian LGBTQ individuals, couples and families offered spiritual masses and services. The brave priests and nuns who served and ministered to the community extended unconditional love, hope and a renewal of our faith. There was no condemnation, no old time religion. They offered us Life through the Truth of the Holy Spirit. Through my willingness to accept those messages, my self-perception was transformed.

By pausing, getting out of my own way, inviting Inspiration and then listening, I now realize that I have the opportunity to serve the organization that once served me, that helped save my life. I can also reach out our local PRIDE organization and offer my gifts of joining in spirit and extending love and acceptance, which I have come to realize will become a vital part of my Peace and Harmony Ministry.

Rev. Barbara Adams, O.M.C. was ordained in July 2016. This past October, she invited her Pathways facilitator, Rev. Maria Felipe from L.A. to perform a local ordination near her home in upstate NY, which was witnessed by family and friends. Rev. Barb can be contacted at: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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January-March, 2017

Love Created Me as Love

by Rev. Rosemarie Tropf, O.M.C.

Last week I heard that Linda Wiesnewski was in hospice and I heard today that she has passed. Linda was my facilitator for the Pathways Course 909, “Wellness Through Healing The Mind,” so I got to know her somewhat then. Sometimes, we also engaged in the monthly calls that she oversaw to help those with chronic illness. In the last few months we had many conversations (on Facebook on the Daily Course Lessons as well as the Rules for Decision FB pages) about the Course and healing the body. As Myron Jones said, “Linda’s classroom was her body.”

When I came to the Course, body pain is what the ego mind had used to keep me hypnotized in the dream as well. For some students it may be money issues, for some it is addiction, for some it may be prison, for some it may be special relationships, but for me it was the body. Linda was as dedicated to helping me with Course as anyone can possibly be.

When I heard about her body’s cancer this last week I thought, “WHOA!” That was a reality check for me. So many thoughts swirled through my mind for a few days. I thought about how the Course has taught me that I am not this body. But when I heard about Linda’s terminal diagnosis my “belief” was put to the test.

I have studied spiritual subjects since the 1960’s that taught me, I am not this body. I have always believed that. Yet with Linda’s diagnosis my first reaction was a jolt of fear that shot through my body. I was shocked how fast that fear and threat of loss of Linda gripped me. I watched ego mind electrify my body with fear of death that day. Past memories of death and fear captured my mind. I have lived my life protecting my body from dying and from fear of illness and other potential dangers.

I flashed on death images that may have been from movies or from the collective consciousness. Those images smothered me with fear the last few days, even though I don’t want to admit that I’m still afraid like that. As I meditated about Linda, those images flashed through my mind like a film on a screen. The Course says, “Death is the central dream from which all illusions stem.” (M-27.1) That became very real to me this week. Death scares me so much I have spent inordinate amounts of time conjuring up “magical cures” or trying to find the “cause” of my illnesses to prevent my death.

Ironically, I have often blamed God for the death I saw, whether it was through cancer, traffic accidents or illness. How often have I or my parents said things like, “God could have saved that child from death.” Or, “God took her too early.” “Why did God let this happen?” I “made” that version of God in the dream and that version is all powerful and punishing. The irony is how often I thought I could cure what was caused by that all powerful god in my mind. I thought I could usurp God’s power to stave off death. But, as the Course says, “Who loves such a god knows not of love, because s/he has denied that life is real.” (M-27.2:5) Death was not “created” by God, rather it was made by ego mind.

Regardless, those “death images” bubbled to the surface, strangling me with fear and guilt, because I allowed ego mind to be the voice I listened to. I spent a few days flipping through the Text, letting the book fall open to whatever page came up. I kept seeing messages about Love over and over. Lesson 67 is titled, “Love created me as itself.” (W-pI.67) That means Love created Linda as Love. That means Love created me as Love. Linda is Pure Love’s Presence as am I.

There is a meditation in Pathways of Light course 203 about seeing Divine Light in each other. I did that with my student, Kalen, as her facilitator. Today I did that meditation again and I saw Linda as Divine Light. I saw her as gentle colors of whites, blues and delicate pinks that are opalescent swirling in gentle love, merging with the Pure Love flowing from God through the Christ. That same Christ, is in me because we are One.

Holy Spirit, today I will listen only to Your Voice. Holy Spirit, today I thank You for the opportunity to see where my mind still needs healing. Today, I send Love and Light to Linda and her family to bless them during this time of transition. Linda has been a joyful teacher to me and she still is my teacher, if I listen in the stillness with Holy Spirit.

Rev. Rosemarie Tropf is a Pathways of Light minister living in Safety Harbor, Florida.
Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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January-March, 2017

Fear of Healing

by Rev. Gail Hamley, O.M.C.

“Is healing frightening? To many, yes. For accusation is a bar to love, and damaged bodies are accusers.” (T-27.II.1:1-3)

The quote above continues “Who has been injured by his brother, and could love and trust him still?” (1:5) It seems to be the state of our world today, doesn’t it? And when I look at my own responsibility in the ‘state of the world’ I can clearly say that I have been a grand participant in this consciousness… until recently. 

For starters I began to recognize the ‘fear of healing’ as I mentored people who seemed to be stuck. Beautiful answers would arise from them as solutions to current problems but they seemed not to be able to hear them. Stuck in a circle of distrust and accusations, love was barred from entering their awareness. Since this happened several times, I began to question my own ‘fear of healing’. Certainly I was in a teaching and learning relationship with these beautiful souls  and it was time for me to look at what they were teaching me. 

The first question that came to mind was: Who is God to me? After I affirmed an omniscient, omnipresent Oneness, an energy field of Love, Wisdom and Grace, the second question arose: Then why do I continue to experience separation and fear?

Several examples came to mind such as self-protecting myself through ‘shyness’ when meeting new people or the feeling of walking on eggshells in the presence of someone who is angry or judging someone who looks down and turns away rather than giving me a greeting. And even as I pray to create a new ministry, fear comes up in thoughts such as “I can’t do that!,” “I need more training,” or “I am afraid to work with those people!” I also began to realize that I still had a bit of victim mentality running through my thoughts. It showed up in pointing fingers of blame when something didn’t go the way I expected. I knew it was time to align myself with my Pathways of Light lessons and with the God I knew to be True. Through meditation I touched the inner place within me that held a tiny thought of fear and I wept.

I wept at the magnificence of the lesson I was receiving! I asked for help. I asked to see in a different way. I re-committed to daily morning and evening meditations. I re-committed to opening my awareness in each moment to knowing the Truth that I AM a whole and divine expression of Creation and so is everyone and everything else. I re-committed to taking full responsibility for my experiences and I re-committed to honoring the sacred which meant that I see all people, places, things and experiences as sacred. I have a choice.

I am happy to say that I am witnessing a change in my consciousness. Why even this morning as I walked along a path I noticed a baby snake and rather than run as fast as my feet would carry me, I slowed down and marveled at his coloring. Beauty. Beauty everywhere. Later in the day a healing conversation took place as well. Love. Love everywhere. Lesson 293 states “All fear is past and only love is here. All fear is past, because its source is gone, and all its thoughts gone with it.” Amen.

Rev. Gail Hamley is a Pathways of Light minister living in Georgetown Texas. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) 714-334-8176

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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January-March, 2017

Beyond Acceptance Is Perfect Love

by Rev. Andrea Sassa Archuleta, O.M.C.

Walking with wandering eyes, I rest my gaze upon the statuesque pines before me, drawn to the long crevices in between their layered fertile skins — those scented crevices of sweet vanilla — and I feel how comfortably seated these pines are in being the forest.

“So, they don’t have feelings of sadness or loneliness in them?” I ask.

“Well, they might. But they don’t get attached to those feelings,” is Spirit’s reply.

“But, what does that mean, to ‘not get attached?’ Everyone says that — about being in non-attachment as the way to emotional and spiritual freedom. But how do I live non-attachment when the feelings seem so real, like I can’t out run them, can’t put them away or out of me.”

Are you willing to try not out-running them, not putting them out of you? Just letting them be in you and allowing them to exist, accepting that some part of you – maybe remnants of some life experiences – introduced those feelings and all those feelings need to know is that it is OK for them to be there.

Trusting, I reply, “I can try that.” 

Bella, my 4-legged companion, and I continue hiking. Long, pointed pine needles and lushly textured cones — plump with cherished pinon seeds - blanket the forest floor sheltering tree roots. Winter is coming. 

“I can accept that I’ve had experiences where I have felt sad and lonely. I can accept that these feelings are in me and that is OK.”

Animal tracks walk on the trail’s deep-brown earth with us. A deer, maybe an elk. The stride in between each hoof-print is long, like that of a large animal. A buck? Bella alights to track our unseen friend. 

“You know, it feels like all I have to do is let the feelings be there and not judge myself for them. I think that is where I get entangled. When I am feeling sad or lonely and I start talking to myself, saying things like — ‘Well, come on, aren’t you over this yet? Don’t feel this way, let’s get on with it already.’ So, I’m not accepting myself then, all of my Self.”

No, not really. You’re safe, you know, to feel anything and everything. All I want is for you to be exactly who you are. Sad or lonely, shy, even scared; it’s all OK with Me. I accept you exactly as you are, in every moment.

I look up from the trail, to those statuesque pines, asking, “What do they do when they feel sad or lonely, do they ever feel sad or lonely?” 

They may. But even in this, the trees don’t forget what they are, ever-knowing their True nature.

“Oh,” settles across my inquisitive mind. I stand quiet in the forest.

Gazing towards the pines, I see them within the completeness of the forest. I hear myself say, “Oohhh,” again. A soothing peace nestles into my heart.

And I understand. The duality of the role I play as embodied Love — being only Light and at the same time being oh, so human. And I remember, yet again, “I am the light of the world. How holy am I, who have been given the function of lighting up the world! In its calm light let all my conflicts disappear. In its peace let me remember Who I am.” (W-pI.81.1:2-5)

Rev. Andrea Archuleta is a Pathways of Light Minister living in Santa Fe New Mexico. Rev. Andrea joins with you for Accessing Inner Wisdom Counseling, spirituality counseling, and to officiate your Wedding and other ceremonies. Find Rev. Andrea at Awakening JOY Ministries, llc at http://www.awakeningjoyministries.com, emailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), and calling 505.699.5066.               

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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