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October-December, 2013

The Raging River of Life

by Rev. Maria Kingsley, O.M.C.

Every morning my husband and I sit down and look at what we need to work on. We both use the Course to guide us in letting go what does not work, in forgiving and allowing all things. It is amazing how many issues can come up when you are determined to let go of worldly thoughts and perceptions. We have been doing this for a long time now, and yet there are feelings of judgment and fear that present themselves to be looked at almost daily.

When we sit down, it is either my turn or his to focus on an issue that we have noticed throughout the day or week that we want to let go of. I am so grateful for this time and for his willingness to sit down with his or my issues and allow them to be looked at. It feels so right to do this work together and so, even though it does not feel like a holy moment, it always is just that.

As we focus on whatever issue we look at, we do some tapping along with it. Tapping, as some of you may know, is Emotional Freedom Technique, which works with energy and is wonderfully effective and allows emotions to be quickly reduced so your mind is clear and can see things differently.

To me this has been critical because it cuts time and fear down and lets me be clear about what I really want. The founder of EFT, Gary Craig, has put A Course in Miracles on his website and I love that he is following this way also.

What I really want is the peace of God because nothing else is really worth pursuing.

However, some core issues hide in the back of my mind and it takes some digging, or patience, for them to come to the surface to be let go. Recently I discovered that I had a fear of ‘engaging with life’. It has held me back for a long time, but it was now time to look at it. There is always some embarrassment involved in bringing up such sensitive issues, but when I see no judgment coming from him, I feel it’s okay to look at it without feeling guilty.

So as I was doing my self-talk and tapping away, I realized that I had been going around in circles in a quiet eddy next to a raging river. I was afraid of the raging river and did not want to be carried off to some dangerous and uncertain ride. I saw this so clearly in my mind. I felt the safety of the eddy, and the awfully raging river passing just a few feet away from me. I was going around and around in my little boat, not even looking in the direction of the river, but, of course, knowing full well it is there.

I saw the river as raging, dangerous and unmanageable. I saw it as a force that wants to hurt and cannot be maneuvered easily. I didn’t know how, and it was too much to really try.

I asked the Holy Spirit to help me see it differently. I was finally tired of going around in circles and avoiding life and not engaging with it. The Holy Spirit gave me this wonderful insight:

The river could be looked at differently. Instead of a huge raging force, I could now see it as a gentle and safe waterway. The song, Row, Row, Row Your Boat Gently Down the Stream, came to mind. So it lost its frightfulness. But there was more. I saw that the ‘force’ was a gentle strength that was creative like the water is creative. It sees boulders and rocks and trees, not as obstacles, but it adapts to its presence and moves around or under, over or next to it. It is not harmed or held back by any of it, and so it is very creative in its way of including and allowing all things to be as they are. There is nothing to fear.

Several lessons from the Course came to mind right away: God is the strength in which I trust; I am sustained by the Love of God; My thoughts are images that I have made, etc. I then felt such gratitude for this new way of seeing and applying creativity to these images, changing them to see God’s Love flowing through it all. How silly it was to see danger anywhere in the world when I am guided by such a creative gentle power. As I felt this gratitude, I could feel the presence of celestial helpers coming in. It seemed that they went through my body and showered me with an internal effervescence. It was a delightful, tingly feeling of joining, and happiness was flowing from them to me and from me to them.

I am so grateful for this experience, and for my husband to allow me to bring such issues to the table. And I would not have been able to see things differently if the Holy Spirit had not helped me. We are all truly blessed with so much help and creative ways to see things differently.

So I now can leave my eddy and join the stream of life… not alone but with the mighty Guide of Creative Power. Water showed me the way. All things are lessons God would have me learn. The final outcome is joy. And I choose joy. Thank you.

Rev. Maria Kingsley is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Tucson, Arizona.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2013

Teach Me How Not to Make of This an Obstacle to Peace

by Rev. Judy Rae Angus, O.M.C.

This is my favorite and oft-used prayer from ACIM:

Take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me. Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, nor use it for destruction. Teach me how not to make of it an obstacle to peace. But let You use it for me, to facilitate its coming. (T-19.IV.C.11:8-10)

I was raised Catholic, and in times of stress I can still awake in the middle of the night to find myself saying the ‘Hail Mary’ over and over. Consciously I have replaced that prayer with the above prayer. It is useful for any upset, great or small.

Recently I have had cause to use this prayer of surrender, over and over, in a challenge ‘bigger’ than any I have been confronted with in my life so far. (I put bigger in quotes because the Course says there is no order of difficulty in miracles, no matter what the ego says!) My 27 year old son took his own life last year — deliberately crossed over to ‘the other side.’ Notice your own reaction as I share that with you, and join me for a moment and read the prayer again.

Yes, indeed, this is where the rubber meets the road, as they say. Even now? Can I do this? I asked myself. Do I really know what I’ve been saying I know, or believe?

This experience has been an alternately terrifying, torturing, amazing, horrifying, and full of big Love; a spiritual, ego-filled, roller coaster of emotions and experiences — experiences of separation with ego, and very powerful joining with loved ones and Spirit.

This circumstance is one of many horrors and tragedies in this world that we have been taught to fear. If my son had passed on due to cancer, everyone would tell me it was ‘God’s will.’ But they are not saying that. It strikes a deep, deep fear in people’s hearts, not just because we are parents who have outlived their child — fearful enough, but also that our son made this decision to leave earthly life. And what’s more, by destroying his body in a violent method — in front of a train. What he has done is so shocking and disturbing to the ego — not just mine, but everyone’s I come in contact with, that it is all but incomprehensible to most. He has destroyed the body. There is a part of our minds that reacts — ‘Boy, you are really in for it now, buddy. You have done the ultimate. You will surely be punished.’

If the body is the ego’s temple, held holier than anything else in this world, and at all costs to protect, then destroying it intentionally would seem to be the ultimate no-no, the worst possible thing that could happen. Because now, not only have you lost your body, but if you are a spirit, now you will be punished as well! The ego then lives on! Still separated, in fear of punishment by God. This fear in us raises the body to the highest importance and equates it with who we are.

So. What do I believe? What do I know? Do I believe what ACIM says? Really? How about now? Who is Ryan? Where is he? And — what does that make me?

If Ryan is not a body — (which he certainly is not now, even if my ego viewed him that way before) — and Ryan is free, then what am I believing if I am fearful and in pain? My ego at this point is extremely uncomfortable to say the least. It is terrorized. It is overwhelmed. It is stunned. It wants to get comfortable again, but it cannot.

This is actually a blessing.

Uncomfortable, nightmarish and extremely painful, but— transformation and a willingness to let go of ego views are possible now, more than ever. The ego has no answers; it is quiet. It is amazingly silent sometimes.

I have been aware almost since the day this happened, of two things going on. One, my earthly human ‘mommy’ grief and bodily reaction of trauma and pain; and two, my Spirit knowing he is with God now, experiencing the ‘beyond the physical’ — he is Home. What those two things are is this: The ego’s view, and the Holy Spirit’s view, in the starkest, harshest contrast I have ever seen it in my mind and experience. In the beginning, I would only ping-pong back and forth between these two states — terror, and a peace that passes all understanding. I have received no more powerful teaching than this. It is a 24 hour, 7 days a week teaching. When I look at this through the eyes of my worldly personality self, I am instantly in tremendous grief and horror. All the questions with no answers. All the resistance to ‘death.’ All the guilt and responsibility questions a parent has. Could I have done more? What did I do? What didn’t I do? The wrongness of it. The tragedy. The mistake. The finality of it. I can come to terms with ‘death’, but this? Suicide? My child?

Then I reach out for the Holy Spirit — when I ask for a miracle, a shift in perception — and I see Ryan as he really is. I can breathe again. I can know ‘only the Love is real.’ Then I am in peace, my heart open to Love more fully than ever before.

This will you look upon when you decide there is not one appearance you would hold in place of who [Ryan] really is. (T-30.VIII.6:1) 

But do not give it power to replace the changeless in him in your sight of him. There is no false appearance but will fade, if you request a miracle instead. There is no pain from which he is not free, if you would have him be who he is. (T-30.VIII.6:4-6) 
But not while you would have it otherwise in some respects. For this but means you would not have him healed and whole. The Christ in him is perfect. Is it this that you would look upon? Then let there be no dreams about him that you would prefer to seeing this. (T-30.VIII.5:3-7)

This quote is startling to me in its stark and clear-cut — simple, but not easy — rendition of the challenge I am facing. When I imagine Ryan’s pain, when I imagine him facing the train, when I imagine what happened to his body — I have the worldly, bodily reaction I was trained to have — pain, grief, terror. But all that is not who he really is. He is spirit. We all are. He is only spirit now. He left the body. And oh, what an overwhelming idea it is to his mom that his body is gone! My choice of thought systems could not be more apparent at every minute of every day. Ego? Spirit? Ego? Spirit? With one, I am crumbled in grief. With the other, I am uplifted and in Love, at Peace, joined with Ryan’s spirit and all healing.

When the grief and horror arise in my chest and throat and mind, I ask the Holy Spirit to be with me as I recognize the fear of the ego, and ‘choose it not.’ Divine Love ‘is the strength in which I trust’ to face this, and bring healing for myself and the world. There is not one false appearance of Ryan that I would cherish — that I would want to keep and let it define who he is. He was exhibiting the pain of the world, the pain of the ego, the pain of a human being feeling separate and not being able to see the Light. And needing that very Light so much! A tremendous call for Love. That’s who his ego thought he was — and I will not stare at the train tracks and decide to agree with his ego by holding that picture and wailing over it.

Up until now in my life, my connection to Spirit and my spiritual practice was a top priority in my life. It had to come first, just as you put your own oxygen mask on first. That doesn’t mean it was a constant priority, just gradually, over the years, more and more where I would hang out. But now? It is a constant priority. It is oxygen to me. I cannot function without it, and it is my only function. The dramatic and stark contrast between the ego’s thought system and that of the Holy Spirit is literally shocking to behold in my mind.

It is much, much too painful to stay with the thoughts of the ego now. It seems to me that grief is the extreme emotional evidence of feeling separation. Ryan, also, whether he realized it or not, found it much too painful to stay in the world of the ego. And if I stare at the train tracks, I am letting the ego crush me, as it did him. He found no value in this world, but he could not see the real world.

Everything my ego thought is up in smoke. The ego house is burning. The ego is cowering in terror and grief. It is quiet. Everything it believed and thought is open to question. It is falling apart, crumbling as so much sand. Nothing looks the same. The meaningless is seen as the meaningless, every minute of every day. I have cried out, where are you? The ego has no answers. His form is gone. His vehicle is no more. Who is he, then? My fierce love and longing leads me to find the answer: Where is he now? Who is he? The answer not only assuages my grief and heartache, but is my salvation, before me in an intense lesson that cannot be missed. The changeless Spirit in him is what I must realize, and know now. Only that. And when I do, I realize and know who I am, who you are, and what the purpose of the world is. The Real, the changeless Spirit of Love, is recognized everywhere. The Love is powerful, and amazing! I’ve been upset and agonizing over things that are not Real, thinking they can threaten the Real!

The Holy Spirit’s thought system, the real world, is only found in the present moment. If I move outside the present moment, I am burned like putting my hand on a hot stove. If I agonize over the past and what happened — I call this ‘going through the rubble’ or ‘staring at the train tracks’ — I am burned immediately. If I look at the future of never again seeing my son in the physical — burned again. What a teaching! It is constant, 24/7, and very obvious and powerful. I cannot live, I cannot breathe, outside this present moment. I cannot live without the awareness of Spirit. Nothing else matters.

My husband is experiencing a spiritual awakening. He says, ‘I used to be a person for whom spirituality was (holding his arm out) over here. It wasn’t that important to me. But now? It’s right here (hand to heart). I consider that — a gift from my son.’ It’s quite the wild ride.

Love is the only way through this. The love of our family and friends is nothing short of phenomenal. We have never experienced such an outpouring of love in our lives. This has affected many others powerfully as well. My prayer has been that this will be a catalyst for spiritual awakening for all who are affected by this. And we are seeing miracles occur in other’s lives as well.

In my tremendous desire to know who he really is — and nothing else — I come to know who I really am, who we all are. It’s as necessary for me to reach out for this knowing as it is to breathe right now.

My choice — I will use this for my awakening. Will you join me?

A message I received from Spirit: What is not Love is a call for Love, always. Respond accordingly. There is no death. Truly, there is no separation. All are joined in Love and wholeness, and all events are triggering your desire to know this, nudging you toward realization. When faced with a very difficult situation, notice that you tense up and feel you have no choice but to be upset; you think ‘anyone would.’ But also notice that your tenseness, your upset, your grief… take you deeper into the ego’s world… which certainly doesn’t hold your answer… and is further from the Help you need most — the Light.

This is a powerful example showing that the ego’s reactions… while considered ‘normal’ and entirely understood by almost everyone… are not helpful, do not lead to peace, and do not lead to God. Yes, this is awful as the world judges it; however, if you stay in that perception the rest of your life you are building a prison for yourself.

What will you use this for? What Ryan wants for you now and what you want for him are the same thing. When you are on the field of Love… you are joined. If you stay upset… you think you are separated.

It is your choice.

Rev. Judy Rae Angus is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Orland Park, Illinois.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2013

Trusting the Starting Point

by Rev. Ken Gorman, O.M.C.

What is the starting point? My understanding is that what we really are is what we have always been and never changes. It is indestructible, unchangeable and will always be. Because it is so profound, it is difficult to put a label on it, but some that work for me are Basic Goodness, Infinite Awareness, Unlimited Consciousness, Boundless Joy and, of course, just plain old perfect… Simple Love.

If we knew this is what we really are, we would have no fear or resistance to spiritual practices and have no reason not to embrace fully and live everything the Course teaches us. If we knew this was our true Reality, we would never fear anything that was happening in the illusory world, even the death of the body, because nothing could change this truth about us.

But a lot of people like me do still experience fear and anxiety and seem to spend a lot of time separated from the
awareness of our true nature. What is happening? I like to think that it is just a matter of our natural, indestructible radiance being temporarily covered or our awareness very momentarily (from a cosmic perspective) being distracted. Nothing really happens, like the clouds blocking the sun, the sun is still shining brightly and will eventually break through when the clouds inevitably pass or dissolve.

This concept is expressed to us in the first paragraph of the Course when it states, “This Course does not aim at teaching the meaning of Love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence…” (Intro.1.6-7)

If this is true, then the next question is, “What is the nature of what is blocking my awareness to Love and how do I let it go?” The Course (for me) answers this.

Basically this is primarily habitual, negative thinking mostly centered on grievances. The Course teaches us that “My Grievances Hide the Light of the World in Me.” (ACIM Lesson 69) It is also interesting how one of the foundation elements for the basic 12 Step program is identifying and letting go of ‘resentments’ to attain ‘emotional sobriety’ to avoid ‘blocking the Sunlight of the Spirit.’

This negative thinking or negative story lines that our ego tries to get us to buy into create dark clouds which block our awareness of the light. If one story line (like pride) does not work, the ego will try another of our favorites — maybe, ‘poor me’ or ‘jealous’ or ‘lust’ or ‘indignation’ and then back again to ‘pride’ — until it finds a channel we will buy into; anything to keep the clouds building. The ego’s favorite trick is for me to make up a perceived threat, then formulate a defense to the imagined attack, then run a script for how this will unfold and round and round it goes.

When we realize this is all just in our mind and stop following the stories by surrendering them to Holy Spirit and practicing forgiveness, we are left with the Starting Point — our true nature as Brilliant Radiance wanting to shine and express itself as pure Love.

This concept has been one of the most helpful to me in me in my practice and I always know it is there, even if it feels ‘down there’ sometimes, just waiting for me. There is nowhere to go, no transitions into something else that I am not now and really nothing to do other than letting Holy Spirit remove my addiction to the negative stories in my mind I have been making real for so long and letting who we all are shine into my awareness.

Rev. Ken Gorman, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in London, UK

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2013

Mastery

by Rev. Veronika Wilcox, O.M.C.

Have you ever said
That you feel bad because…?
Have you ever felt
That you were happy because…?
Well, then you are not alone
Because this is the norm.
It goes without thinking
That reactions are there
Because of something
Outside of you.
How about being still
For just long enough
To observe without judgment
Your thoughts
And your feelings?
You might soon notice
That they arise
And it is up to you
How to use them.
If there is fear, you are free
To choose Love
If there is error, you are free
to choose Truth.
You are free to be the
Master of your experiences.

Rev. Veronika Wilcox is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in New South Wales, Australia.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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