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October-December, 2011

Understanding Forgiveness

by Rev. Mary Beth Ellis, O.M.C.

Forgiveness is probably the most important spiritual lesson for many reasons, one of which is that our lives depend on it.

To truly forgive we need to understand the why’s and how’s of how it works. As with any fix-it project, the most important factor, after the decision to repair something, is to use the right tools. Without the proper tools, all the determination in the world usually results in little change. We are fortunate to have these tools today. I wish I’d had them at 16. I wish I’d had them at 30 when I was blaming the world for my problems. I wish I’d used them yesterday when I felt slighted by one of God’s children, and condemned him in my mind.

Historically there have been three major steps in the development of Judeo-Christian spirituality. Out of the chaos of our animal ancestors and Cro-Magnon man’s habit of randomly killing to get whatever food and territory the other had, a giant step in our spiritual evolution arose. Some tribes quit randomly killing anyone in their way. They would only kill the tribes of a tribesman who had harmed them. The whole tribe was mercilessly slaughtered — but it wasn’t done randomly, only to avenge a wrong. Then another giant spiritual step was taken.

With the advent of Judaism and the teachings of Moses, a second giant spiritual step was taken. The Jews were admonished to live by the dictum of, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Instead of punishing a whole tribe for what one member had done, only the person who had transgressed was accountable. Think what peace ensued and how much more sane life must have become. 

Then somewhere around 2,000 years after Moses came another Jew who introduced the third major spiritual step: a revolutionary idea that changed Western culture. He asked us to “turn the other cheek.” He lived his idea by forgiving sinners and even asking God to “forgive his crucifiers for they ‘know not what they do.’” Lest we think that idea of forgiving too daunting for ordinary men, Christ very clearly said, “These things that I do, ye shall do also.”

We see instances of forgiveness everywhere. It is possible. When the Dali Lama was asked if he had forgiven the Chinese communists for invading Tibet, stealing their land and mercilessly killing countless Buddhist priests and monks, he answered that he had forgiven them because he understood that they were doing the only thing they were programmed to do. He saw that the Chinese soldiers were like a wind-up toy soldier that had been made to stand straight until a child wound it up and set it on its course. Even if one of these toy soldiers tracks spilt milk all over the floor or scratches the antique chair, few sane people would have issues with forgiving it. Everyone understands that it was just doing what it was constructed and programmed to do. The Dali Lama understood that about men. We are programmed by hundreds of thousands of years of instincts. We are programmed by society.

Let us now turn to the real crux of the issue of forgiveness. Why should we forgive everyone for everything and how in the world do we do it?

There are many reasons why we should forgive:

1. First of all, it’s just the right thing to do. Probably most people would like to be able to do it. It’s mature. It’s noble. It’s respectable.

2. Secondly, forgiveness sets us free — free from the negative energy that consumes us when we don’t, from the negative emotions that make us sick, and from the torture that we inflict upon ourselves as a result.

Dr. Hans Seelye won the Nobel Prize in 1937 for his “stress theory.” He said that there is a chain of factors precipitating all diseases, but that the stress link was the common denominator. For example, for polio there are a number of links, the polio bacillus, a somewhat compromised immune system, fatigue being some of them. But if a person doesn’t have stress, even if he has all the rest of the polio links in the chain, the person won’t contract the disease.

Not forgiving, holding inside the negative emotions of not doing so causes stress and depression. Many doctors have written about the correlation of stress and depression to diseases like cancer. Not forgiving is a spiritual cancer.

3. The third reason for forgiving is that it brings us closer to God. If He made us in his image and likeness, and if He is all good and loves all his children unconditionally, shouldn’t we want to be more Godlike, more like who we are, and see the good and God in everyone? We are all part of God. In the East, people say “Namaste” when they encounter others. It means, “I salute the God in you.”  Namaste.

We all know that we should forgive, so let’s get on with the real biggy: How do we forgive? What are the tools? How can we get to a point where it is sure and even automatic in our lives?

Most of the tools involve a greater understanding of the process and the psychological awareness of how our minds and programming work. Just going to church and hearing about it doesn’t always make forgiveness possible for most of us. Going to church doesn’t make us a good Christian any more than standing in a garage makes us a car.

It takes understanding and awareness, but it is also up to each of us to practice. Just being aware and admitting to ourselves that we aren’t forgiving someone is a huge step. Most people repress it. But ultimately we have to: 1) be aware that we aren’t forgiving, 2) understand the process, and then 3) practice, practice, practice until our original fumbles go on to a touchdown.

So we come to the first tool which has two sides: a) awareness and b) turning it over to God. Awareness means simply allowing yourself to admit that we are harboring negative, unforgiving thoughts — about ourselves and others. If we don’t own up to it, we’ll never be able to deal with it and cure it. If someone is in denial about being ill, he or she usually won’t be able to cure the malady. Sometimes the result of looking at these thought processes is alcohol, drugs, or ‘schitzing’ out — or some other form of buffering it out. This inability to be a forgiving person makes us feel separate from others, separate from God, separate from the All. Often we can’t accept what we see because we feel guilty and we condemn and won’t forgive ourselves.

Some Eastern religions say that one should not change anything for a period of time after seeing an issue. If you start noticing that you aren’t a forgiving person, just notice all the times you aren’t. Don’t try to change yourself right away, or you will be inclined to buffer it out. The ego doesn’t like seeing these things.

Once we have clearly seen and had time to digest what it is that we want to deal with about ourselves, we need to realize that all that we have seen should simply serve as a learning experience in the school of spirituality. It can help us see where there is an opportunity to see differently and be free. The last thing we should do is not forgive ourselves.

It’s then that we must remember the second part of this tool: b) turn it over to God and ask to see the situation differently. We needn’t use our egos to forge a battle against it. That is just playing into the old habits of using our self-serving egos that got us into the situation in the first place to get us out.

We need to a) identify what we aren’t forgiving and then b) sincerely ask the Holy Spirit to help us see the situation differently. We simply need to realize that we are powerless with our special anti-forgiveness programming that we inherited through evolution and from society that often corrupts.

We no longer need to kill our prey to eat. We don’t need to wipe out our neighbors to be safe. We don’t need all those instincts any more. In fact, the remnants of that programming are counter-productive in our society.

We may have some remnants of the fight and flight tendencies, the vengeful thoughts, and our egos even have the reasoning power to figure out reasons why forgiveness doesn’t apply to a certain situation. We may feel powerless when dealing with the vestiges of the very traits which helped our genes survive. But if we admit to ourselves that we are powerless and then turn it over to God, the answer will always come — maybe not in three minutes or even a day, but it will come. “Ask and it shall be given.” Our Higher Self knows the answer right now. It is within our power to forgive. If we turn it over to God and then listen for the answer, peace will come in a form we will recognize.

So tool number one is to let yourself clearly see when you aren’t being forgiving and then to turn it over to God and ask that He help you see the situation differently. And, of course, don’t fail to forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Another tool is visualization. Imagine the person whom you can’t forgive as a newborn baby. Imagine that adorable, innocent, precious child smiling at you and reaching for your love. Then it starts screaming during your important conversation with its parent. You’re irritated, but it’s not hard to forgive the newcomer to planet earth for being hungry, sick or in need of attention. The baby is just doing what babies do.

Fast forward 40 years. The baby is fully programmed. This baby in a man’s suit was allowed to watch the wrong programs, meet the wrong people, play the wrong video games. He steals your wallet or idea at work. He is mean to you. Maybe that baby, for whatever reason, grew up physically, but never did psychologically. Its adult self is still crying out for love, screaming to get what it wants, spitting up on people if it needs something. The baby who didn’t understand that its demands for being the center of its universe weren’t acceptable in society has matured physically but is dwarfed psychologically. It never grew up.

Scott Peck, who wrote The Road Less Traveled, also wrote a book called People of the Lie. Those are the people who only grow up physically and who commit terrible crimes because they still believe they are the center of the world. Dr. Peck refers to this phenomenon as pure narcissism — the adult stays psychologically dwarfed as a baby.

We are all narcissistic at times, but most of us sooner or later realize we aren’t the center of the universe and we develop compassion for others. We don’t metaphorically scream and throw toys or shoot people ‘til we get what we want. Some of our brothers never had that opportunity, and they became hardened criminals, maybe even serial killers. It might be helpful for us visualize them as Scott Peck suggested — as overgrown babies who are still narcissistically demanding and taking what they want, with no thought to the inconvenience and pain it causes others.

Some don’t have the capacity. Now our society has carefully decided what the “social contract” is that we are all to abide by, and it has decided what should be done to those who don’t or can’t live in accordance with it. That is not the issue here. I’m merely suggesting a tool. The tool of imaging the “sinners” in our lives — those who don’t say and do what we want them to — as grown narcissistic babies, no different from a mentally or physically challenged adult who can’t function. This tool of imaging can be helpful to work with until we learn to use more complex spiritual tools.

So the second tool is to visualize the person we can’t forgive as the innocent baby that he was originally — before the damaged child got corrupted. We can never judge a man until we’ve walked in his moccasins. We never know how physically, socially or psychologically damaged another might be. There is God in everyone, and most people who do bad things probably wish they hadn’t done it or hadn’t needed to do it to survive. Do we condemn Jean Valjean in Les Miserables for stealing the loaf of bread from the baker so that the young child wouldn’t die of starvation? He served his 20 years for being a thief, but do we find it hard to forgive him? Many people honestly feel like what they do is right. Many can’t help it. Some are too damaged not to. Some just don’t think. But if we condemn them in our hearts, we are hurting one of God’s children and ourselves. We are also exhibiting a kind of insanity ourselves for thinking that the world and others should be just like we want them to be — like the psychotic who thinks he’s Napoleon and that everyone should salute and obey him and be exactly as he wants them to be — and not who they are.

Another — and the most complex of these — tools is one that we all learn in Psychology 101. It is the tool of projection recognition. It tells us that when we feel bad about ourselves and can’t accept it, we often project what we think of ourselves onto others and then judge them. This creates an unreal, uncomfortable world that is founded on myth. It creates confusion, more negativity and separation. We feel that we have done or thought something unworthy, like being selfish, rude or controlling, and then we see another as selfish, rude or controlling, and we judge and condemn them. We thus don’t have to deal with it in ourselves.

We think that we aren’t supposed to be selfish, we can’t accept it in ourselves, we project it on Henry or Jane Doe and we hate them for their vile actions. Jane took the last portion of chicken. Henry didn’t give you credit for your idea in the workplace. It’s not to say they didn’t do these things, but the judgment, often hate, and certainly not forgiving these things is more charged because that’s exactly what we have condemned ourselves for and suppressed. We then project it onto another and deal with it there. There’s a saying, “If you spot it, you’ve got it.” I suppose that some true sociopaths or psychopaths can escape these guilt feelings, but most of us feel bad about ourselves when we don’t live an exemplary life. The result is that our unconscious knows what is going on, just as the man in the mental ward knows on some level that he’s not Napoleon, yet he lives his life in an insane quagmire. So, tool number three is an awareness of the fact that we often project our guilt onto others and then find them hard to forgive.

So the logical conclusion to this phenomenon is to Stop, Look, and Listen. Stop your monkey-mind thoughts and see what’s going on so clearly that nothing is between you and the reality — no judgments, no emotional responses, no suppression. Look carefully at what is going on. Are you judging another for something that you feel about yourself? Forgive yourself. Turn the tendency for self-condemnation over to God. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see it differently. Then listen to the answer.

It’s all just a spiritual learning experience. We need to forgive ourselves. When we do, there is no longer a need to project what we don’t forgive onto another. Then the miracle of forgiveness happens automatically and sets us free to be at one with Holy Spirit and others. Peace, balance and love can enter our lives. This principle is interesting, because by forgiving others of their “sin” we are forgiving what we have suppressed in us. By forgiving ourselves, we won’t have to project the “sin” onto another.

So the third and often most difficult tool is to look at the things that we can’t forgive in others, consider that it’s a symbol for something we can’t forgive in ourselves, and ask God’s help in forgiving ourselves. Realize that it’s just a learning experience — and nothing to feel bad about — and then enjoy the peace and the realization that you have taken a huge step in your spiritual growth. You are also free to live your life with this part of yourself healed.

When really looking at this idea of forgiveness, I am probably most struck by something from the A Course in Miracles Workbook. It says about forgiveness that, if we do, “Your brothers stand released with you… God’s son will weep no more… Heaven offers thanks for the increase of joy your practice brings even to it… I hear the Voice That God has given me, and it is only This my mind obeys.”

Jesus said, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” May we all have the willingness to bring understanding to the process of forgiving so that we may do so and be more like the Christ. May we thus be liberated from living a life separate from God and His children. May we practice until we have gained the peace and joy that is ours to have.

Rev. Mary Beth Ellis, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Metairie, Louisianna.

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2011

What Is Guided Is Provided

by Rev. Sylvia Joy, O.M.C.

Since I was very little, my highest joy was always in singing and communing with God. I was aware that I came here to follow a path back Home and that He was leading me. Through the years I remained aware of and cherished His Presence. After many years in a very successful career as manager, I started to feel an inner calling, as if something was missing and I started to wonder what it was.

I didn’t have any idea at that time about what my purpose was, what someone’s purpose could be like, or even more, how to find purpose at all. It was just a wondering. This wondering made me uncomfortable and it wasn’t until later that I understood that what really felt uncomfortable was listening to the ego trying to tell me what to be. What was really uncomfortable was to experience life without meaning. It just wasn’t clear to me at first. All I knew was that I was willing… willing to stop and listen for directions and follow. Willing like never before!

So one day came and, talking to God, I said, “Father, if — and only if — You have a purpose for me in this life, please show it to me. I put this next year in Your Hands to show me clearly the way, for I want to work for only one Master! I realize I cannot just quit my job, because I would have no money to live on this year. I ask You instead to show me a way without financial worries and still be shown my purpose.”

Then the enterprise where I was working came to a process of fusion, and we were told by the President of the company that between the twelve managers working at the time, he needed to choose only six to continue the next year.

“The next year?” I thought. “This is it! I have a real purpose!” In trust, I took this as a “Yes” from God. I stayed in trust, waiting for everything to happen. From my trust, I could watch how everyone else was going through a lot of stress and anxiety. I could see how my trust was my invulnerability, and I was so grateful.

One and a half months later, the president of the company called me into his office and said, “Sylvia, since the beginning, your results have always been much more than what we asked of you. We really would like you to be part of the new structure of the company. More than a third of the workers in the factory are now keeping their jobs during this fusion because of the extra profit that came from your products last year. We had a great projection for you but something just happened. This morning we were informed that your counterpart is now pregnant and the law in this country protects pregnant women from being fired. We are so sorry, Sylvia, but we will continue to cover all your benefits during the next six months to a year and your severance pay is going to be the best we can offer.”

I was so grateful! I understood that I did have a purpose and I was going to be shown during that year. It was what I was asking for — to feel free to dedicate all my time to my spiritual path. I could now meditate, listen for directions and follow the inner prompts, read books, watch movies and meet teachers from different spiritual orientations but always listening within for my lessons.

My idea was to dedicate one whole year to be shown about my purpose. But the first message I was getting through everything was about peace. I didn’t know much about peace, so I wondered what peace had to do with my purpose. I really felt clueless at that time, confused and even disappointed that I was getting messages about peace instead of purpose. I laugh now as I share this part with you. So much undoing was still necessary!

The more peace I was experiencing, the more I started to value peace. Little by little, I started to notice that peace was necessary to hear to God’s Voice even clearer. He started to lead me in every move and every encounter. Everything in my life was changing.

One day, I had almost nothing left. No apartment, no car. Even some of my past relationships I used to value were left behind. It felt like I was going to be traveling, but I didn’t know where to or how I would get there. All I knew was that a year had already passed, and that the joy and peace I was experiencing was all I wanted, so I was willing to keep following.

After a very deep and powerful meditation during a retreat weekend with some friends, I discovered a book called A Course in Miracles. I was in the back seat of a car and there we were — this book and me. I took it, closed my eyes, asked my Inner Guidance for help and let my fingers be guided. I opened the book and read: “God is Love.” I closed my eyes again, asked and let my fingers be guided. I opened the book for the second time: “God’s Will for you is Perfect Happiness.” That was enough to know that this encounter was guided.

The very next week, I went to a conference and met an ACIM Teacher from the United States and received guidance to come to his retreat house. I embraced a very practical retreat for myself to listen within. I was mostly by myself, watching my mind day and night for three months, carefully and consistently releasing every thought and belief that I found menacing my cherished state of peace and joy and Love.

Three months later, Jesus said to me, “Now go out and follow me. This way is inspired and is meant to be inspiring, so just keep it that way for yourself. Just keep the house clean, keep your mind at peace. Now that you see the value of a clean house, it will be easier for you to keep it clean.”

Very soon after, I was guided to Pathways of Light and I am now very proudly one of its ministers. I did not choose POL, it was completely guided. I often say that to teach how to listen to God within is to teach how to fish instead of giving the fish. In this I find myself feeling really helpful. Thank you Pathways of Light.

I have learned to listen and follow His Voice by doing it, and this is all I have to do to be helpful: To remind you now to choose peace first and then be willing to listen and follow your Inner Guidance in trust and gratitude, and to remind you that your happiness is your own choice and that you can only choose to be happy now.

When you are aware of what it is that you really want, you can see everything that interferes with it and let it go. Meditation is a great tool to help you become more aware of your purpose. Meditate, for example, on the purpose of water for the planet; meditate on how clear the purpose of water is for the planet. Then resting in the feelings of gratitude and joy that come with the clarity of purpose, ask yourself what your purpose is. What is it that you really want? What is it that brings you real happiness? Then write down whatever comes to you without judging it. Trust everything is connected because everything is reflecting the same truth. Be gentle with yourself in becoming more and more clear, but be consistent in going deeper.

Literally, life is not made by a series of casual events where things seem to happen to us. It is not the result of millions of wills interacting in conflict to access a limited source of means. Life is forever, intelligent and perfect. When you were created, your purpose was given to you along with the way to fulfill it, divinely provided. Your real joy lies in living life aware of your purpose and being consistent with it.

Just like giving and receiving are one, trust and Divine Providence are one. Trust and Divine Providence are one in gratitude! When there is gratitude there cannot be worries. You cannot be grateful and worry at the same time. So in the now, worrying can simply be seen as lack of gratitude. In trust there is gratitude, for you are aware that you are divinely provided for and that is all already given.

Awakening is divinely provided. It was given to you from the beginning of time. All you have to do is accept it! Accept that God’s Will for you is perfect happiness now, and place the future in God’s Hands.

What is guided is provided! Your trust lies in knowing this. Just be willing and consistent in listening to and following the peace, Love and joy within. Release the fear. Trust! You are never alone…

Rev. Sylvia Joy is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Rutland, Massachusetts.

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2011

The One About The Song of Prayer

by Rev. Steve Mead, O.M.C.

“Myron* and I are going to teach from The Song of Prayer on ACIM Radio*,”  my ex-wife Nancy informed me a few weeks ago. “Would you like to read the book with me and then talk about it?”

My first response was thinking, “not really, I already know about prayer and forgiveness and healing,” then almost immediately was my thought that “the ego always speaks first.”  “Sure,” I said, “It would probably be a good idea for me to review that pamphlet.”

The very first sentence in the introduction reads, “Prayer is the greatest gift with which God blessed His Son at his creation.” I had to stop and really think about that for a moment. (Meditate on it?) “The greatest gift?” “Really?” With new motivation and curiosity, I carefully read through the book. The metaphoric “ladder of prayer,” the four common attitudes regarding forgiveness, called “forgiveness-to–destroy” and so much more information was presented in such a simple, loving way. It was like I had never read it before.

Nancy and I wanted a much deeper experience with the pamphlet, so we each ordered course 918: The Power of Prayer and Meditation from Pathways of Light and Myron agreed to facilitate the lessons with us. Although I have completed over two dozen different courses from Pathways, Course 918 has by far had the greatest impact on me and in my daily life.

It’s most difficult to admit that before the recent experiences with The Song of Prayer, I actually thought I knew what prayer, and forgiveness and healing were all about. Wonderful circumstances presented themselves at a perfect time for me to see things differently! (I’m guessing this wasn’t a coincidence.)
Listening to Myron and Nancy on the radio these past several weeks, and even getting to participate a couple of times have been the highlight of my summer. Thank you Myron, Nancy and Pathways!

Finally, in the last paragraph of the book, the second sentence says, “The song of prayer is silent without you.” Singing the song loudly, (and a little off-key).

Rev. Stephan Mead is a Pathways of Light minister living in Seattle, Washington.

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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October-December, 2011

How Do We Know Whether We Are Helping or Hindering?

by Rev. Peggy Rivera, O.M.C.

All of my life I struggled with that one. I was always a little bit too sensitive; I couldn’t stand seeing anyone suffer. So there I would go, jumping head first into the dance of being overly helpful.

I just knew there was a halo hiding somewhere underneath my scalp. But before I knew it, I would either be exhausted or getting someone mad at me. I didn’t have a clue about the dynamics that were involved and my part in the whole dance. For a long time, I couldn’t understand why people didn’t seem to like me. I didn’t understandy why, even though I did everything I could to help and then it seemed that everyone turned on me.

I then began to realize I was blocking them from getting what they needed. Who did I think I was, acting like I had all the answers and getting in the way of their growth? So I started being very careful about trying to help. Whenever you see a flower in the shade leaning towards the sunlight, you know what I mean, I had to learn to get out of the way and quit blocking the light.

I had to learn that it isn’t always beneficial to take away their discomfort; I now realize that sometimes we are more helpful when we get out of the way and let the light shine in. God has plans of His Own. This is where we can be most supportive and helpful, by understanding that sometimes by helping someone by taking away their pain, we take on their problems and then they become ours as well. And not only that, I take away their opportunity to grow.

As painful as it can be for them, they are on their own journey back home. We can always Love them unconditionally and pray for them and be there for them but most of the time the choices are theirs.

Now I have to really ask for guidance regarding this issue because I have often felt that I had to help others or I would be selfish. I now listen for Holy Spirit’s guidance to know when to help and when to it go and let God.

On page 489 of the Text, the Course tells us that the “Laws of Chaos can be brought to light, though never understood. Chaotic laws are hardly meaningful and therefore out of reason’s sphere.”

To me this means that the things that we harbor as our truth or our beliefs are made by the ego and don’t have any base in reality. Therefore we turn only to God for the answers to our perceived problems where His Light can show us where we need to heal our minds. My only job is to help myself and others find their communication with their Higher Power. For me to suggest that I know the answers would only create more separation.

I am learning to just be with Love, healing Love. The answers will come to those who seek. In quiet peace we find joy, peace and Love.

Rev. Peggy Rivera, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Miami, Florida.

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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