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April-June, 2011

Japan — Cause and Effect

by Rev. Lee Catalano

Images and thoughts of Japan are in my family’s mind. We love a lot of Japanese people, but it is not just that, we are a brotherhood of every nation. All Souls joined in the great Fatherhood of God.

Over and over Jesus asks us in ACIM to look to the cause of everything. He says that if we choose to listen to the wrong voice (cause) we will suffer. Not because we are being punished, but because we have chosen to listen to the voice of punishment.

Why do I do everything that I do? Each and every thing needs to be looked at. Anything that is of selfish interest will surely come back to bite me in the ass. Why? Because we were created to love, not to pursue self-interest. It’s that simple. I can rail against this simple truth until I have been brought to my bloodied knees again and finally surrender my way.

So that said, how do I look upon Japan? The cause of all the Japanese tragedies is false. God would not have us suffer. All of the pain and punishment is a reflection of the mind of pain and suffering in all of us. On a small scale it’s gambling away the rent money, on a large scale it’s a tsunami.

Is this some kind of reflection of guilt? Not having the money for the rent? Having an earthquake bare down on us? Certainly not.

We are taught to deny the denial of truth. The Son of God is forever innocent. We deny the denial of truth and reach out our hand to our brother. We look at earth quakes with horror, but in the mean time we are still listening to the cause of earth quakes in our own minds. Talking bad about the neighbors or excluding anyone from anything is to keep the earth quake quaking in our own minds and keeping the false cause alive and well.

It brings us back full circle to accepting the atonement (worthiness and equality in God) for oneself. From this view we automatically reach out to our brother, ALL brothers. Time collapses and tragedies literally disappear, says Jesus.

Praise be to God and may I quiet the temptation to quakes in my own mind today. Amen.

Rev. Lee Catalano is a Pathways of Light minister living in Belmont, Massachusetts
Web site: heavensongministrypages.com

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2011

What Does Love Look Like?

by Laura Waldmeier

This story is the telling of a miracle, a miracle in which God used Mardi Gras, chocolate chip cookies and brown sugar to show me what love looks like, and to set me on the path that would lead me to A Course in Miracles and to the Pathways of Light Ministerial Courses.    

I began a spiritual journey in 1986 through Alcoholics Anonymous. I was 32 years old, married, and had two children and though I had not yet found the Course, I was about to learn that my plan for salvation will not work. I began with enthusiasm, telling myself to get my act together, and so I began to act as if I were healed.

The part I gave myself was AA cheerleader. If there had been AA pom poms, I would have had a pair. I was the AA cheerleader. I went to meetings constantly, made friends with everyone who walked through the door, and don’t regret a minute of the years I spent as the self-crowned Miss AA. Anybody that needed anything, came to me. That included AA, my church, my family, and my husband’s family. I was all things to all people. I worked very hard at developing my ego and people loved me enough to let me.

But, my plan for salvation was not working. I was able to stay sober for 14 years, but sobriety does not equal peace. I had become so self-absorbed and self-important. I had all the answers to everyone’s questions. I had become completely separate, spiritually and emotionally, from anything greater than myself. 

My world had become a very lonely, isolated place. I was carrying around so much emotional pain with no relief in sight. I was drowning in the world I had created and could not let anyone know how much pain I was in, much less let anyone in.

In the year 2000 I began a relapse that lasted five years, during which I was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer. The doctor told me that I would have to quit drinking in order to be treated. I eliminated alcohol and replaced it with fear, despair, and hopelessness. In August of 2003, I had a mastectomy, fourteen lymph nodes removed, six months of chemotherapy and two months of radiation. 

The day I went for my third chemo treatment, I stopped on the way home and bought a bottle of Vodka.  From that day and through the rest of my treatment, I drank daily in excess of a fifth of vodka a day. The more I drank, the more I needed to drink. I almost drank myself to death. I was hiding. I didn’t want to be found. I hid my emotions, my feelings, my pain, and my Vodka. I became consumed with feelings of shame and unworthiness.

Then something happened that helped me make another shift in my life. Our son had graduated from college in December of 2004, and was engaged to be married in May of 2005. I told him one day that I felt left out of the wedding plans. He lovingly and courageously looked at me and said, “Mom, one of the most important days of my life is about to happen and I would love for you to be involved, but not like you are.” I was devastated. 

This eye opener came on the heels of receiving a six page letter from my daughter, informing me of every single thing I had done to her during my drinking that caused her to question her own sanity. My children were handing responsibility for my life back to me. I had spent most of my life seeking solutions for my own peace outside of myself. Something had to change. Realizing that I was loosing my family, I knew that I had to do something different. I made a decision to quit drinking on February 4, 2005.

February 8, it was Mardi Gras, which is a huge celebration where I live in southern Louisiana. It is a celebration which involves a lot of partying with alcohol being as much a part of it as the colorful costumes and parades. I knew that it would not be a good idea for me to participate in the Mardi Gras festivities so early in my recovery. Instead, I gave myself the task of baking chocolate chip cookies. 

Thoughts of past Mardi Gras binges triggered my desire to drink, and I wanted a drink worse that day than any other time I could remember, but I determinately continued with my project. I didn’t know God very well and really didn’t know how He could possibly help me, but I thought I’d give it a shot, and asked for his help.

I was gathering my ingredients to bake cookies, and when I went to my pantry for the two and a half cups of brown sugar I needed, I discovered that I had only about a fourth of a cup in the bag and immediately began to curse God. I whined and cried and screamed, “God, I can’t go to the store for brown sugar. The brown sugar and Vodka are on the same aisle. I need brown sugar, God. I am going to bake these cookies with this brown sugar, but with Your help, I won’t drink today.” My dog was watching my one woman show. I actually think I saw her smiling.

I went over to the counter, put the brown sugar down, turned around to get my measuring cups, and began measuring flour, baking powder, and finally brown sugar. What! Where did this brown sugar come from? Right there, before my eyes, lay a full bag of brown sugar. I was overcome with emotion. Not only did I have the two and a half cups I needed, I had two and a half cups extra. I began to weep. I placed my hands on the counter, bowed my head, and sobbed. I cried out to God again and said, “God I don’t know why You want me sober, but I will do whatever You want me to do, go wherever you want me to go, and serve however You want me to serve.” And I have honored that commitment.

I am so grateful for the Love I am today. I have finally put aside my plan for salvation and accepted God’s plan instead. Since then I have seen many of the different faces of Love. My children love and trust me. They encourage and support my recovery. I enjoy the unconditional love of four wonderful grandchildren. When my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV bladder cancer in 2010, I was terrified. Several days after his surgery, while he was in Intensive Care, I was unable to see him as sick. I realized I didn’t believe in sickness any longer. One day, I might be able to express that in Course language. Today, I express it as another face of Love.

On days when I feel tired and want to give up, and I can’t remember why I’m working with another alcoholic, or spending time on the phone with a friend in distress, or journaling about the daily lesson in ACIM, or forgiving some long held grievance, or making a child smile, or helping my elderly mother, or picking up trash in a parking lot, I remember what Love looked like on February 8, 2005. Love looked like brown sugar.

Laura Waldmeier is a Pathways of Light ministerial candidate living in Westlake, LA.

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2011

A Katrina Experience

by Rev. Mary Beth Ellis

I was on my way out of New Orleans with 25 cents, a rescued Doberman pinscher I barely knew (full of stitches from an operation), and a cell phone that no longer worked. Katrina was bearing down. The skies were ominous, the rains had started, and the wind was blowing the water up on the Bonnie Carrie spillway, where I was trying keep my tiny Honda Insight from giving in to the hurricane forces that were bearing down on me.

I was too much on adrenaline to register my fear, and many years of learning to buffer out rough situations had come to my rescue. I was just going one wheel turn at a time. Even when the spillway en route to Baton Rouge flooded out and the police turned us all around and headed us back into New Orleans, I just went on automatic and drove the Insight where the authorities were directing us. I couldn’t let myself consider the results of a Cat 5 storm in a city surrounded by lakes, swamps and the Mississippi River.

When, after 8 hours of 25 mph caravanning with hundreds of thousands of others, I needed to stop, the police were blocking the down ramps of every town between the “City that Care (but not Katrina) Forgot” and my Shreveport destination. The ride usually took 5-6 hours. It took me 18 on that Sunday. At least I got there. I had seen many cars which had just run out of gas on the side of the road, there being no way to buy any, since no one would let evacuees come into their towns.

I had wanted to leave on the Saturday before the storm, but they needed us to stay late at work, and I was way too physically heat exhausted at 9:00 p.m. to do anything but crash. I had tried to get money, too, but Whitney Bank’s ITM machines were empty. Since it was a regional bank, I would not be able to access any resources for many weeks. I had tried to be wise, but every venue was blocked.

At least Sucre the dog and I had a place to spend the night in Shreveport and Dallas, on our way to Oklahoma City. If my companion hadn’t bit my gracious cousin host on their first encounter, all would have gone well. But it had apparently all been just too much for her. At least she was in touch with her feelings! I was in la-la land, not even giving a thought to the fact that I could have lost everything I had worked for during my many decades of teaching. Anyway.

I would watch the devastation on television when I wasn’t on the road, and it was like a horror movie. I was totally out of touch with my feelings. I was connected enough to look for jobs in Oklahoma City, but I hadn’t let myself think about the fact that my new Salvation Army clothes (I had left with two changes and one pair of lime green shoes) and new Red Cross apartment in which Sucre and I would spend the days, might become a way of life.

Looking back on it, it seems like a miracle. An Oklahoma minister overheard me say that I was evacuating and gave me $50.00. Almost everywhere I stopped to eat, someone heard me tell the waitress that I was a Katrina evacuee and paid the bill. My Honda Insight made it all the way to Shreveport (18 hours) on one tank of gas. The pet boarding place where I had to take the rescued Doberman didn’t charge me. Strangers in Oklahoma City completely furnished my Red Cross apartment. My long lost cousins let me spend every night at their house, because after 11:00 p.m. things got a little rough around my new abode. People gave me clothes, the school board gave me a job, and I was totally provided for in terms of survival and a sense of well being.

I will forever be grateful to the endless spirits who looked out for me during the whole Katrina crisis. I feel like Holy Spirit sent them my way. Now that I look back on it, Holy Spirit comforted me and protected me from the fear of the whole event.

Now, if I could just go through the hurricanes that I create in life with the knowledge that everything is okay. It is always okay. Whatever I dread, fear, and run from can be dealt with one minute at a time. Like my destination of Oklahoma during Katrina, my destination in life is toward enlightenment. The journey may look bleak at times. It may seem like the waters of adversity are drowning out the road. It may look like I am blocked out, that I lack a sense of direction, resources, or the personal ability to get there, but all I need be concerned with is the present moment.

I need only ask Holy Spirit to help me see the path. My Insight will then carry me. And then I’ll see that I never really left. On the one hand, even the nightmare of escaping life’s Katrinas can be negotiated. We have only fear itself to deal with. On the other hand, the storms of life are churned up by our own lack of vision. We see through a glass darkly, but then we see the Light face to face. We can always leave the hurricanes we create, because they are never a reality. They are just news stories on our personal televisions. We can turn off the program by applying the principles of Truth. We are the creators of our world. “Nothing I see… means anything… I have given everything I see… all the meaning that it has for me.” (W-pI.1,2).

Rev. Mary Beth Ellis, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Metairie, LA.

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2011

Who Do You Typically Turn to in a Time of Need?

by Rev. Nancy Miiller

For quite some time I had been feeling a growing sense of release building within. Typically, I say it starts in my toes and works its way upward until I feel it beginning to crescendo. I had been experiencing elements of intense fear coming out of nowhere and in very strange situations, seemingly to have no relationship at all.

My emotions seemed to be at a critical peak as well. Many times to the point of feeling that at any moment I may burst into tears, for no reason at all. These were the ‘symptoms’ that I experience when I know that I am ready to release something big.

It’s important to note that many times it is not necessary for us to know the details of why or what for. Those are typical ego thoughts to keep us perpetuating separation. The real question to ask yourself is, “Are you ready and willing to let go?”

For a couple weeks I had been working through A Course in Miracles Workbook, lessons 281-290, starting with ‘7. What is the Holy Spirit?’ (W. 437) Each day I read, ‘What is the Holy Spirit?’ and then proceeded to each subsequent lesson.

For each lesson I focused on the Truth about my Self in God and forgiving all thoughts that are not in alignment with Oneness in Heaven. Working with these lessons and using forgiveness shook something deep within and each day the feelings of upcoming release were building intensely.

Last Friday, I just happened to pick up the newspaper, something I rarely do. A title caught my eye and I began to read. Horror filled my mind as I read about people I knew who, according to the world of form, had done something wrong. Needless to say my mind raced with all kinds of questions and fear overwhelmed me. My ego was having a heyday and this pretty much took the cake.

The following morning I awoke with sadness, fear, anxiety and you name it! At the same time I knew enough was enough of my ego projecting my unconscious guilt.

I began reading my lesson, starting with ‘7. What is the Holy Spirit?’ and as I read, “And if you offer them to Him, He will employ the means you made for exile to restore your mind to where it truly is at home.” (W.pII.7.3:3), the words ‘you made for exile’ stood off the page as if they were in 3D. At that instant, I recognized and felt the power of the Holy Spirit speaking to me to remember what I had to do.

I recognized that I had made my own exile, which is a very fearful place; it was all I had seen and experienced in this world that blocked me from feeling the peace of God within. It is my own projections of guilt played out for me to recognize and release. So, I put the Course book down to meditate, I closed my eyes and I remember asking, “Holy Spirit, I desperately need your help to heal my mind of all these fearful thoughts I’ve been experiencing.”

Immediately my body began to relax. My mind grew quiet. A wave of warmth and intense love swirled around me and embraced me fully like a mother would do to her child who was in pain. Tears were streaming down my face as the waves of Love nurtured me, calmed me and released all the fear thoughts and feelings. It was the most incredible experience I’ve had and words cannot express the Love I felt.

Any doubt I may have had about the power of the Holy Spirit and the process of True forgiveness has been eliminated. Any lingering doubts about A Course in Miracles’ practical application and experiencing results are gone as well. Amen.

Rev. Nancy Miiller is a Pathways of Light minister living in Scottsdale, Arizona.

© 2011, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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