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April-June, 2008

Undoing the Illusion of Needs

by Nouk Sanchez

We all are conscious that we have needs, needs that perhaps are not yet fulfilled and ones that are. And we don’t want to lose those things that we have so far acquired do we?  Unconsciously we set up expectations and strategies that the ego uses to protect and defend them. Realizing this you can ask then, what are your perceived needs? Do they include increased income, a home, an experience, to be a parent, more love, family, status or approval? 

It’s not until we’ve arrived at a point of trust in the Holy Spirit that we can begin to see that there exists an illusion of needs and truly understand why this is so. Until then, we resist the idea that any perceived need (other than forgiveness and waking up) is not real.

We seem to have many needs, most of which are unconscious and uninvestigated and therefore they lurk in our minds and reappear as outer projections that we often react to. And the minute we react to an exterior trigger we temporarily feel/believe we’re a victim of it. For example, many years ago I believed that I needed my husband’s love and I also needed both my mother’s and daughter’s love too. But acting from the unquestioned ego I thought I knew what love was. I was wrong.

To me back then, the idea of love came loaded with personal and collective desires or needs that I believed should be met by my husband, mother and daughter. These unquestioned desires arose from the ego’s addiction to special love. I had a set of needs for my partner, my mother and another for my daughter. And my belief that they should meet my ego’s needs caused us all conflict when those needs were not met the way I expected them to be.

I had special (conditional) relationships with my loved ones including my aging mother. As a mother myself I found I was still acting as a child with my own parent demanding she give me the love and approval that appeared to be withheld from me when I was growing up. And with my daughter there seemed to be another set of needs as well. What I didn’t realize back then was the ego’s purpose of these perceived needs, which is always to preserve the specialness of our relationships that leads to separation in various forms.

As a mother, I finally sat down and asked myself a simple question, “What do I need my daughter for?”  During radical self inquiry I had to say that I needed her to love me. But because I did not yet know love (hadn’t undone the ego) I wanted her to meet my ego’s expectations. These included some of the following:

•  Do what I ask; be good at school, clean up, eat well, pray.

•  Behave as I ask and expect; be affectionate, kind, thoughtful, helpful.

•  Agree with me; don’t argue or whine.

•  Share my interests: art, ACIM, writing, my sense of style, my values and ideas, etc

In other words I needed my child to mirror to me my self-worth. My identity as a ‘good parent’ was at stake and I depended on her meeting my ego’s perceived needs. I, as a mother, made the common mistake of perceiving her as a child and me as the superior mother in the ego sense. While we as parents must provide ‘parenting’ for our growing children much of our parenting is unconsciously rooted in ‘form’ and not ‘content.’ We forget that the focus of any relationship is always ‘content’ not form. Content arises from being mindful in everything we do. The bottom line in all our relating is to ask ourselves, “Is this arising from fear, resistance and the need to control or is it coming from love, forgiveness and trust?”

Too often, as parents, we respond automatically from the ego to a child’s seeming conflict. We forget that all conflict is purely a disguised call for love and therefore deserves a loving response.

Our children are our teachers. Every time they press our buttons we’re being asked not to employ the ego’s usual resistance, avoidance and control tactics. A sign of conflict is an opportunity to do the opposite of what the ego advises. In allowing a Holy Instant without judgment, the Holy Spirit can inspire profound healing and increase our ability to trust.

For instance when our 15 year old told us that she just could not do another day at school, we nearly flipped out. We knew she was experiencing a crisis but to leave school?

The incident called both Tomas and I to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and the guidance we got flew in the face of the world’s idea of help and ours as well. As it turned out she required an 18 month leave from school that helped her recover her sense of Self (not ego) and undo a significant block she had harbored to the awareness of Love within and without. This was a difficult period as some family, friends and peers strongly disagreed with our guidance insinuating that as parents, we were being irresponsible to say the least. Yet through this lesson we learned to trust the Holy Spirit and therefore increase our trust in the journey of unlearning that we call ‘undoing the ego’.

When we talk about our ‘needs’, we must stop and ask, “Is this true?” And honestly inquire, “What is this for?” Try it next time you find your buttons pressed by someone or something. If you feel conflict or unease it’s because you believe a thought or value and it’s really your own resistance that’s causing you distress. No body and no thing outside you can cause your problems, only your thoughts or judgments can be the culprit. This is one of the quickest ways to undo the ego, the thought of separation. The ego is the “I” you think you are, yet Who you really are beneath the ego along with the immense joy this awareness brings, will surpass your wildest imaginings!

The Ego Wants You to Need…

The ego wants you to keep on needing. Why? When you feel deprived, it’s the ego’s voice that you’re listening to. And when you believe it then you will follow its instructions and not the Holy Spirit’s.

Exercise: Let’s try this exercise where we transfer the meaning of the word ‘need’ to the word ‘use.’ In other words, take the question, “what do you need your partner, children, friends, parents, income, career, holiday, etc for? Name something/someone you feel anxiety about and substitute the word ‘need’ here with the word ‘use’. So the real question would be, “what do I use my _________ for?” Or “What do I use my career, sickness, health, body, pet, for?” or “What do I use the idea of scarcity for?” “What do I use money for?” Be specific and radically honest. While on the surface we use these things for positive reasons, can we dare ask Holy Spirit to really reveal how the ego uses these to keep us trapped in a cycle of fear and distrust? 

In any area or with any person you feel conflict, this exercise can be very revealing and healing. It can show you where you unconsciously hide the fears that cause your projected reality including all conflict of which you may feel victim. Once the ego’s unconscious intentions are revealed they can be dispelled but it takes our commitment to ‘look’.

Radical honesty, looking at your perceived needs with Holy Spirit, calls in a loving Observer Who will reinterpret whatever is being brought to the light of Truth. Just looking with Spirit allows correction and transformation. Be willing to look without guilt; that is all that’s asked of you. Watch the miracles unfold!

If You Need Something From Someone Then You Cannot Love Them.

The seat of the special relationship lies in the ego’s belief that its needs should be met by others. When they are met we call that love and when they’re not we call it hate, or conflict. It takes a lot of unlearning to appreciate why we can’t really love someone (partner, parent, child, friend, etc) while we think we need something from them. Why? Because when we think we need something from another we unconsciously see them as being different than us. The ego says they ‘have’ something that we ‘lack’ which immediately calls in the ego’s addiction to dependency and differences. An unconscious dependency is fueled by the ego’s investment in making you feel deprived. After all it thrives on deprivation because without it you wouldn’t believe that you are lacking in any way. You’d remember your natural inheritance; absolute love with no opposite and all your relationships would reflect no needs and therefore, no dependency or difference. So when we think we need something from another we can’t really love them; in place of real love is the ego form of special love.

In the ego state (deprivation) as children we needed approval, acceptance, and validation from our parents. Even as adults we sometimes still try to wrestle these things from our aging parents especially if we didn’t receive them when we were young. And in our relationships with partners we do the same. All our sense of ‘needing’ here is at the level of form and is always related to our body including our emotional body. The one thing that makes us think we ‘need’ is a sense of deprivation. But there’s only one real thing we do need. That is to heal our perception of the sense of separation that goes way back to our original decision to make a self that willingly entered this life (a dream) apart from God.

And the one remedy for all our needs does not rest with the body but within our mind. Our mind is the only cause. Therefore all needs are really just the ego’s manipulative ploy to distract us from our one need; which is to awaken through forgiveness.

Nouk Sanchez and Tomas Vieira are the authors of best-seller Take Me to Truth, Undoing the Ego. You may purchase this book online at the Pathways of Light web site. To visit Nouk and Tomas’ web site, go to: http://www.takemetotruth.com

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2008

Accepting God’s Plan

by Rev. Mary Ellen Freundl

I shouldn’t be surprised when I catch myself making plans again. I seem to wax and wane in terms of allowing Spirit to show me what to do and planning on my own.

I can make plans in my mind all day and not even be aware of what I’m doing. I am surprised by this but I accept it. I’m surprised because when I can see clearly, I gladly give up my ideas and patiently know I will be told what to do. I feel so happy when I do this and I think I’ll never resort to planning on my own again but I seem to continue to take a detour into illusions.

I “plan” on reducing my time spent planning in the mind! Ha, ha. Insidious, isn’t it!

Let me say it this way… I am willing to continue to offer up my own plan and accept God’s Plan.

For some reason I am going to Florida for spring break. I thought I knew why I was going. I “planned” a trip to meet a possible new roommate, talk to a potential employer, look at some properties, just generally check out the area.

Right now I realize I do not know why I am going. None of the reasons make any sense any more. I do not know what the purpose is. I do know that I can choose what it is for, though. I can choose to have only Spirit show me.

I truly only have one purpose here and that is to know my Self.

Everything is for the purpose of waking up. I can spend a whole bunch of time imagining what events are for, but then I’m wasting my precious now moment with irrelevant interpretations. I have come to a point now where I’m tired of that game. I know I do not know and confusion and fantasy no longer satisfy this Son of God.

Inertia seems to still be in place because I do resort to my own planning, but I am certainly coming to see I no longer want fantasy. As I continue to offer my willingness and stay aware, I can reverse this energy force and create a new habit of having everything show me what it is instead of me defining it.

This actually sounds like fun! My interpretations are boring anyway or way too over dramatic. Its the same old… same old!

I’m ready for something new from Holy Spirit! I want to truly see so I am surrendering my own ideas and making room for the new!
I reading The Holy Spirits Interpretation of the New Testament (NTI) and I found the following words in the introduction from Spirit inspiring. Now, this idea is certainly not new and the Course tells us this over and over in a million different ways but for some reason these word symbols came together for me and created a whole new level of willingness to let go of my interpretations.

Here they are:

“The new testament is a symbol just as you are a symbol and the words I share through you are a symbol. What they point to is Truth.

“In order to understand the symbol, one must accept the Love of Christ.” One prepares himself to accept that Love by recognizing he does not understand the symbol and then he asks for understanding. By opening up to receive understanding without judgement, he opens up to accept the Love of Christ. With that Love comes Christ’s knowledge, for they are the same and inseparable. Then the meaning that is beyond the words is understood as a light that shines for all who look to see. Whhooaa! That’s rocking!

If I want to understand anything, mySelf included, I am to accept the Love of Christ. Then Holy Spirit explains how to do that!

Recognize I do not understand the symbol and ask! It’s that simple. We recognize we don’t understand and we ask. In return we receive understanding which is the Love of Christ!

Well, I’m in! I accept.

Rev. Mary Ellen Freundl is a Pathways of Light ministerial candidate living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2008

Healing a Projection

Rev. Myron Jones

There is a young woman I do not like. I find it disturbing because usually I would say there is this particular thing about this person I do not like and from there I work with it until whatever it is in me has been forgiven. But I could only look with dislike on this person and be very uncomfortable.

I finally mentioned it to a couple of people hoping something would pop up. I know I am projecting. That I recognize something in her can only mean that I am familiar with it. Either I have done it before and failed to forgive it in myself or I do it now and am repulsed by my own behavior and so try to get rid of it by tossing it onto her.

I told Holy Spirit that I was tired of carrying around this projection. Once you understand projection it is impossible to keep kidding yourself about it. It is like sitting uncomfortably on a fence unable to get down on either side.

I tried to let the source of my dislike float up into my mind but I was too resistant. I tried to figure it out, looking for signs of myself in this woman. Neither thing worked. I mentioned it to a mind healing partner and she told me about a process she is doing with a long held resentment. She began praying for the person she resented. She prayed that this person would receive everything that she herself wanted. She wrote down each desire of her heart and asked that the other person be granted these beautiful gifts of love and abundance. She is doing this for two weeks.

I was very excited to hear this because it felt right to me. When I hear something meant for me I feel a kind of vibration deep within myself. The truth in me recognizing the truth in her, I think. So I began that process and prayed for this woman asking that she be granted all the things I want for myself.

Immediately I felt better, knowing I am finally going to come into a full willingness to be healed of my disturbance.

Then I spoke to another mind healing partner and though I had not planned to mention this situation, it came up. I was trying to explain what it is about her that I don’t like, even though I had never been able to do this before. I mentioned that it was hard to like her because she put up a wall that was impenetrable, just no way to get close to her. I had not realized before that this was bothering me, but as I talked to her about it I thought about what it feels like to hug her, kind of like hugging a tree, smoother bark but just about as responsive. As I spoke I started feeling some recognition in my mind.

I used to be pretty closed off. I hated hugging and didn’t want people too close. It was just a little flash of recognition and nothing I wanted to think about because there is still some of that in me.

Then I told my friend I didn’t like her voice because it sounded like a helpless little girl and was ridiculous coming out of this grown woman. Oh my, as I said this I heard myself. The venom in my voice indicated how strongly I hated this about her.

I know I have a scared little girl in me that I have spent a lifetime ignoring and shutting up. She only shows herself masked as something else. She steps out as the trusting and loving person who gets victimized in the name of spiritual sacrifice. She slips out in relationships and acts as if love is sacrifice.

She is like a fearful dog that rolls over to show her belly in hopes that submissiveness will ward off attack. I am very ashamed of her and have been for many years. That is why I hide her and pretend she doesn’t exist. She was born to be a victim and I don’t want to be identified with her.

I don’t hate this other woman; I hate this part of myself. She just shows me the parts of myself that I loathe the most. Is this classic projection or what? My prayers for her have taken on a new quality. I know what I most want for her and I really want her to have it. I want to look at her and see, not the weak and fearful child victim, but the wholly loved and accepted child. I want to embrace her child and so embrace my own. I have begun to see this woman differently. I hid my child but she honestly put hers forward. She is playing an important part for me, and so is facilitating a healing in my mind.

For awhile now I have been accepting healing in little small increments for my little girl, and this feels like a chunk. Woohoo!

Rev. Myron Jones is a Pathways of Light minister living in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Web Site: http://www.forgivenessisthewayhome.org

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2008

I Need Results!

by Rev. Larry Glenz

Having recently finished my ordination courses and having been a student of ACIM for years, I know full well that the practice of asking Holy Spirit for guidance in every concern or problem that I have is the path for receiving miracles. That being acknowledged, when it comes to life’s greatest challenges, my strongest tendency is to believe that if I don’t fix the problem it won’t get fixed.  I need results.

As the parent of a 25 year old drug addict, I feel like I have been in a battle with a powerful, fiendish demon using only prayer and meditation as my weapons. I am taught that my safety lies in my defenselessness. I am taught to always put “peace first.” I am taught to see the innocence in a son who must continuously lie and steal from his family to continue his addiction. After more than five years of in-patient rehabs, out-patient rehabs, addiction counselors and psychologists, AA, NA, and Al-anon meetings, sometimes I feel like I’m losing hope.

I have become pretty well versed in the problem of addiction and the behaviors that this disease will lead the addict to do. I am grateful for the lessons of the Pathways of Light courses, my wise and compassionate facilitators, and especially the guidance of the Holy Spirit in keeping me patient, calm, and compassionate in the face of this disease. Yet in my weakest moments I ask, “Why isn’t this working? What good is all this if it doesn’t get results?” 

Yet in my best moments, I hear a Voice tell me, “Of course it’s working. Love always works. Don’t judge the process with your own time table or your own standard of results. You don’t know what your son needs to go through or what those who love him need to learn. Love him anyway and serve as an example of compassion, understanding, and patience. Everything will be okay. Never, never give up or turn away.”

I am being taught that there is strength in defenselessness, non-judgment, gentleness, compassion, and trust. It is in a struggle as serious as this that these spiritual principles must be adhered to in order to do all I can to bring peace to myself and others.

No one ever said that following the teachings of A Course in Miracles would be easy. But it does guarantee that the direction of the Holy Spirit will bring me peace. That’s what I’ve signed up for. That’s certainly not a small result. In fact, it is and will be a miracle.

Rev. Larry Glenz is a Pathways of Light minister living in Long Island, New York.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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