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October-December, 2021

The Pothole

by Rev. Joyce Peebles, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

“Think what a happy world you walk, with truth beside you! Do not give up this world of freedom for a little sigh of seeming sin, nor for a tiny stirring of guilt’s attraction. Would you, for all these meaningless distractions lay Heaven aside?” (T-23.in.4:3-5)

A pothole is where I find myself when I say I want to understand some spiritual lesson but am not happy or at peace. A while back I planned a trip to go see my son who I had not seen in a long time. I had left him a message about when I could come see him and he did not return my call. Again, I felt the pain of rejection. This thought festered in my mind, my ego telling me I was unfairly treated yet once again. I even fantasized that this silent treatment could go both ways. If he called me and desperately needed my help, I would not talk to him. Even in that moment I was aware that the ego was in control. I had given up my “freedom for a little sigh of seeming sin.”  The pain in that perceived mindset was very real, rejection is painful.

The Course tells me what I am seeing is coming from my own mind and nowhere else. Lesson 189 5:1-4 says, “What would you see? The choice is given you. But learn and do not let your mind forget this law of seeing: You will look upon that which you feel within. If hatred finds a place within your heart, you will perceive a fearful world, held cruelly in death’s sharp-pointed, bony fingers. If you feel the love of God within you, you will look out on a world of mercy and of love.”

Remembering this, I quieted my mind which meant ceasing to listen to the shrieks of the ego. I told myself I was unhappy and wanted to feel better. Problem was I was unaware of the pothole I had fallen into.

Although I wanted to feel better, I was unwilling to give up my belief in lack and being unfairly treated. I wanted relief of my uncomfortable feelings, but not peace. Peace has a price tag and its all or nothing. That price is surrender. I could not give up my feelings of being unfairly treated halfway. I could see myself as separated (lacking love, vulnerable, and unfairly treated). Or recognize these were false ideas and see as God sees me whole (lacking nothing, certainly not love).

“Would you for all these meaningless distractions, lay Heaven aside?” The ego rears its head and says your son is not meaningless! You need him to act a certain way to feel loved. Holy Spirit’s Voice is gentle and soft, prompting me to make the choice that leads to peace. There were moments of self-pity and loneliness. Ultimately, I knew there is only one choice, for I cannot deny the Voice that speaks to me of unity and love. It draws me as nothing in this world can. I forgave my son for what he had not done. I choose to see myself as safe with God, invulnerable, lacking nothing.

“As you decide so will you see. And all that you see but witnesses to your decision.” All the pain I experienced was the result of my own thoughts. Jesus tells us what we see comes from our minds alone. Taking responsibility for what I saw created freedom. The world was not happening to me, I projected it outward. Self-limiting thoughts are depressing. I do not want them. Someone said the world has weapons of mass destruction. The ego has weapons of mass distraction.

Why wait to be happy? Miracles are immediate. I choose how I want to feel. This story I call my life is like watching a movie or play in a theatre. Imagine sitting in the balcony with Jesus and eating popcorn. I can laugh at the characters in the script, knowing I made it all up. Or I can choose sorrow by insisting I am the body itself and the play is real. In Jesus’ version of the story the characters take off their costumes when the play is done. I would not be unhappy with an actor in a play so why be unhappy with my son in the role he is playing? He played the part I wanted him to on some level and that character is not who he really is.

Lesson 340 says, “I can be free of suffering today.” “Father, I thank you for today, and for the freedom I am certain it will bring. This day is holy, for today Your Son will be redeemed. His suffering is done. For he will hear Your Voice directing how to find Christ’s vision through forgiveness, and be free forever from all suffering.”

© 2021, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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