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State of Fear

State of Fear

I have been reading the new novel by Michael Crichton, “A State of Fear.” The premise is that since the cold war ended, there has been a conspiracy to find new ways to keep people in a state of fear so that they can more easily be controlled. Examples would be global warming, thousands of ways we get cancer from our environment, etc.

My first thought was how easy we make it for them. We don’t need much of a conspiracy because we fall so quickly and so willingly into fear of every kind. I can’t see any way out of this except through A Course in Miracles. The hardest part of letting go of fear is that first step. I see that I am very afraid of something and I take that thought (because after all, it is only a thought even if it does seem hugely frightening) to the Holy Spirit and offer Him my willingness to see it differently. But like anything that scares me, it is hard to take my eyes off it. It is as if the boogey man will eat me up if I let my eyes stray from the danger. So sometimes I have to start out by giving the Holy Spirit what little willingness I have, and asking Him to fortify it. That works, too.

It does, indeed, seem that we live in a state of fear. Why do I so willingly accept fear each time it is offered to me? Some years ago there was a scare about apples. It was announced that apples are sprayed with something that causes cancer and people became afraid to eat them. There was a real run on organic apples in health food stores. I was getting caught up in the scare along with everyone else when someone pointed out that we need to be sane about this. He reminded us that we live longer and are healthier than people have ever been. He reminded me that I was in far more danger of being killed in a car wreck than I was of dieing from eating apples and he didn?t see me giving up driving. Why was I so willing to buy into the fear that the media was selling?

Could it be that I am responding to the deep seated, unconscious guilt that I have because I think I have sinned against God? Sin is the belief I have separated myself from God and so am no longer Love. The body is the proof that this is so and it is the way I play out sin. This state of fear I find myself in always revolves around the body. Without the body there would be no fear. Without the body, where would be my proof that I have sinned and so have something to fear?

How do I get free of this mindset? I have been taking Pathways of Light Course 915 and what I am learning is that I have a choice in the goal the body serves. The ego thought system is designed around the body serving fear, but I can choose to serve truth instead. Workbook page 419, P 2:6-7 says, ?Truth can be its aim as well as lies. The senses then will seek instead for witnesses to what is true.? One thing I have discovered is that it is very hard to seek for witnesses to truth if I keep my attention focused on lies. I don?t find truth on CNN, or watching endless replays of scary stories on the local updates. I get my news from the papers or off of the internet, and only periodically. I am then able to read only as much as I want to and am not as likely to get pulled into the drama.

In fact, I can use the news stories as practice for seeing the truth. An example of this would be instead of seeing President Bush as the antichrist trying to drag us into another Vietnam, I can see him as the holy Son of God that he is and recognize that he, like me, is just struggling to break free of the state of fear he has brought himself to.

Something else I read in Course 915, is that seeing that the separation never really happened and that our Identity in God is unchanged is what releases us from fear. The idea of Halloween is used to demonstrate how our belief in separation through bodies is just a game we frighten ourselves with. It reminded me of my child?s first participation in Halloween. She loved dressing up for Halloween, but when I put on my mask she was very frightened. I had to take it off and show her it was really me and that the mask didn?t change that. I had to do it several times before she really relaxed and was able to enjoy the fun of it.

This is what is happening to me. I wanted to play this game of being separate from God and imagining that living in a body made me separate from my brothers. It was the scary mask of pretend, but I got so involved in my play that I forgot it wasn?t real. I began to believe in the fearful idea that I could be separate from God, different from what He created me to be, and that He was mad at me for it.

The way I am learning to return to the truth is by being aware of what I am doing. I notice those thoughts that try to draw me into a state of fear. I look straight at them and ask the Holy Spirit to look with me. They seem so dark and so threatening when I look alone, but when the Holy Spirit looks with me, He shines the light of truth on them and the darkness is gone. I do this every time I am aware of fearful thoughts. It is like taking little small steps, but each step leads me out of the state of fear and into God?s loving arms.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Mother’s Day Sermon

MOTHER’S DAY SERMON

I was reading a list of questions and answers from kids about their mom and I loved this one. The child was asked:
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

I love being a mother. It is through being a mother that I have learned what it means to love unconditionally. There is nothing that my children could do that would make me love them any less. That is what unconditional means. I have absolutely no conditions on my love for my children. I have moments when I wonder at their sanity, moments when I would rather not be with them, moments when I don?t like what they are doing, but never a moment when I don?t love them.

Motherhood has not been a smooth road for me. I started the job when I was too young and immature. I seemed to have no natural aptitude for the work, and no training. Who would have thought that such a difficult and vital job would come with no manual and little guidance? All I had to go on was what my mom did, and she only had what she picked up from her mom.

Add to this that I and society in general, had placed some pretty unrealistic expectations on me. I was measuring myself against June Cleaver and it wasn?t a Leave it to Beaver world. I started out trying to be Beaver?s mom, but I didn?t feel like her, and I didn?t have her script writer. My kids didn?t seem to know their part either. I got really scared because I seemed to be failing and didn?t have a clue what to do about it. I did what I always did when I got scared and when I felt inadequate. I ran.

A few years later I tried again and did better because I was more mature and had begun to grow into my spiritual self-at least somewhat. I learned to love being a mom, and tried to do a really good job. I wasn?t a ?perfect mom? whatever that is, but I did the best I could. I still do. Just because my children are grown doesn?t make me less their mom. My job raising them is over, but my job of loving them continues.

I also understand that the Cleavers only live in TV re-runs, and no one does a perfect job as a parent. The most loving parents in the world make huge mistakes while raising their children. So what do we do with the mistakes? It is too late to fix them, if it were ever possible. We are left with this sometimes crushing guilt and no idea how to live with it.

Here is what th Holy Spirit helped me to understand. Just as I love my children unconditionally, my Father loves me unconditionally. God does not look at my life and think that I am unworthy because I have not lived perfectly. God does not stop loving me because I make mistakes, and that is comforting.

He helped me to understand that I am not here because I already know how to express the perfection that I was created to be, but rather I am here to learn I am God?s perfect creation. This world is my class room. I signed up for this curriculum. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to do. I am here to learn. Since everything I do teaches me something, I can?t really do anything wrong, I can only learn my lessons.

This is equally true for my children. They are here because this is the classroom they chose. I am exactly the mom they wanted, warts and all. We are here to give each other opportunities to learn unconditional love and total forgiveness. We are each others life time learning experience. We have not been thrust upon each other as some kind of Divine punishment or Divine indifference. We are with each other for a Divine purpose, a Divine purpose that we are in on and that we gladly agreed to.

Sometimes the mother who brought us into the world, is not the mother who will raise us. This is not a mistake. There are no mistakes in the Divine Plan.
...“Remember that no one is where he is by accident, and chance plays no part in God’s plan.’”  ACIM-M.26
We are always with the person we are supposed to be with. Sometimes we need to be born to someone, and that is all we need from that person. In that case, we can thank that person, even if it is only in our thoughts, for birthing us, and then move on with the rest of our lessons.  It is not necessary to see this as a loss or as an attack. We can forgive these thoughts and gain our freedom from the prison of our grievances. And believe me, our grievances do imprison us.

That?s the big picture. Now there is another level I must work on while I am here in this place that is not my home. On a day to day basis, I take action-or not, and there seem to be consequences. I am angry at my boss and so when I get home, I yell at my son. I see the look of hurt in his eyes and I feel guilty. I know that I have fallen short of being that perfect mom. I know that I have hurt the one I love.

How do I deal with that? What do I do with all this accumulated guilt? As I bury myself under more and more guilt, I feel separated from my Father and from everyone else. Because I have judged myself and believe that I am guilty, I start to believe that God has judged me and found me guilty. Thinking I am separate from God is hell. Thinking that my mistakes have made me separate from God, I think I am in hell.

But no matter how guilty and fearful I feel, there is a place in me that knows this can?t be true. God created me good, and there is no power that can undo what God has done. My little errors cannot affect God?s Work. I can only think I am flawed. But it is just a thought. It is not reality.

So, how do I get out from under the burden of guilt I have accumulated in this world? First, I realize that there is no value in guilt. I will gain nothing good by feeling guilty. Guilt is only destructive. It is the barrier that keeps me from seeing that I am His precious child. It is the barrier that keeps me from experiencing the peace and the joy that God intended for His children.

In this world, however, it is hard not to pick up guilt as we go. The trick is learning to relinquish it. Just because we accepted guilt doesn?t mean we have to keep it. What does Jesus tell us about this?  ?These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.? John 16:33 As I place my faith in Jesus, I am able to release the guilt I have used to imprison myself. I can be free. I am meant to be free. God wants me to be free. It is freedom that I came here to learn and to teach.

I have a little process I use to help me release guilt. I was at a Course in Miracles conference recently and there was a deaf student who had interpreters using sign language to help her understand what was going on. A friend showed me the sign for release. I hold out my left hand, palm up and fingers facing away from my body. I then place my right hand on my left in the same position, but palm down. Then I move my right hand across my left hand. This is sign for release. Incidentally, it is also sign for forgive.

Now when I sense feelings of guilt, or when I notice a thought that leads to guilt, I do the sign for release with the intention of releasing the guilty thought to the Holy Spirit so that He can correct it for me. I am forgiving myself. God will never take from me my guilt if I really want it. But, as soon as I am willing to release it, it is gone. Sometimes I have to do this more than once because, while I want to be free of the bad feeling, I sometimes feel reluctant to entirely relinquish my guilt. I hold stubbornly to that which causes me pain. But, as A Course in Miracles says, my tolerance for pain may be high, but it is not without limit.

There is another part to this. To experience God?s forgiveness, I must forgive. The reason for this is because I learn what I teach. If I teach you (through my words and actions) that you are guilty, then I am teaching myself that I am guilty, too. If you can be guilty for your mistakes, then I must be guilty for mine as well. On the other hand, if I see that you are not your mistakes, that your mistakes are only something that you did, and that you are really my brother who is doing the best that he can, then I can see that I am not my mistakes and that I am doing the best that I can. If I can see that you have nothing to be guilty about, then I can believe that I have nothing to be guilty about. I can?t have one without the other. I can?t make you guilty and at the same time forgive myself.

I must forgive not only myself, but everyone else including my mother. My mom taught me what love is. She loved me completely and unconditionally. I never doubt that. But, like me, she came here to learn her own lessons.  In the course of her lessons, she taught me stuff that I have spent my life unlearning. She made mistakes, many of which affected me. I spent a lot of time being angry for some of those things, resenting my life as her daughter, resenting her for not being a better mother. Heck, I still get angry that she named me Myron!

In truth, though, she and I signed up for this curriculum. We signed up to be in the same classroom. We wanted to learn these lessons together, and what I know, is that we are exactly where we should be, doing exactly what we need to be doing. I have nothing to resent. My mom is sharing her lessons with me. I learn from her errors just as I learn from my own. There are no exceptions to this, no matter how big the error seems. I owe her only gratitude for her part in my spiritual growth, both the part that seemed painful and the part that seemed comforting.

My mom has Alzheimer. Her brain has short circuited, so I don?t know if she will understand when I tell her I love and appreciate her, and that finally I forgive us both for our errors. Probably she won?t. Love though, is never lost because Love is God, and God never changes or is lost. The love and gratitude I feel for her will be saved and will be waiting for her when she is released from her malfunctioning body. I love you Mom, and finally I understand that you are not the fallible human being I thought you were. Finally I understand that you are a perfect child of God sent to teach me that I am a perfect child of God. Thanks, Mom. 

 

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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