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Study of the Text 8-19-13

V. The Ego-Body Illusion
8-19-13
3 Any thought system that confuses God and the body must be insane. Yet this confusion is essential to the ego, which judges only in terms of threat or non-threat to itself. In one sense the ego’s fear of God is at least logical, since the idea of Him does dispel the ego. But fear of the body, with which the ego identifies so closely, makes no sense at all.

The idea of God dispels the ego and I made a choice this weekend to dispel the ego more quickly and more completely. I chose to shift the idea of God’s Will in my life to something more inclusive. For awhile now the idea that I want God’s Will has been playing around the periphery of my consciousness. I would consider doing something and then I would ask, “Is this God’s Will for me?” Sometimes I would even wait for an answer to form in my mind.

Saturday, I read an article by Nouk Sanchez in which she used this prayer:

I choose only God’s Will for me, from this moment onward. In so doing, I choose to forfeit my own independent will in every area of my life.

I knew immediately that this is the prayer I had been moving toward. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, my previous prayer was me asking me myself if I was ready to choose God’s Will. It was me preparing myself to make this choice.

Later that morning when I was studying a Pathways of Light course with two other people, I noticed a slip of paper on the table. It had the same prayer on it. One of the women I was studying with had been using this prayer and I had written it down for my own use, but then had seemingly forgotten about it. I don’t think I really forgot about it. I think I was not quite ready for this total commitment. Now I am.

I see the Holy Spirit’s gentle hand in this. He guides me a step at a time so that in each instance of change I am ready for it. I recognize some resistance to the idea of forfeiting my independent will in every instance. I also realize how nonsensical this is. To be afraid of God’s Will is to believe that He wants me to suffer, that His Will might be something bad for me.

The fear of God is the last obstacle to peace and I choose to overcome that obstacle now. Just as I have done many, many times I see the fear, the resistance, and I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. This is a mighty thing I do and I do it for the Sonship. This is no time for false humility. I step up and take my place as savior of the world.

Its funny really, because this all began with the thought a few months ago that I was tired of dieting, of worrying about what I eat and trying to figure out what was good for me and what wasn’t. It seems (to the ego) that saying this decision has led me to being the savior of the world is way over the top, and yet isn’t that our function? Lesson 206, says clearly that the salvation of the world depends on me. And what does it matter the story that leads us to that function? They are all just stories, some funny and some dramatic, but always just stories. One is as good as another if we use it as an opportunity for healing the mind.

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Study of the Text 8-16-13

V. The Ego-Body Illusion, Paragraph 2
8-16-13
2 A major source of the ego’s off-balanced state is its lack of discrimination between the body and the Thoughts of God. Thoughts of God are unacceptable to the ego, because they clearly point to the non-existence of the ego itself. The ego therefore either distorts them or refuses to accept them. It cannot, however, make them cease to be. It therefore tries to conceal not only “unacceptable” body impulses, but also the Thoughts of God, because both are threatening to it. Being concerned primarily with its own preservation in the face of threat, the ego perceives them as the same. By perceiving them as the same, the ego attempts to save itself from being swept away, as it would surely be in the presence of knowledge.

I am a Thought of God, as are you. But up until now I didn’t think of myself like that. I thought of myself in terms of my personality and my body. I defined myself by my job, the roles I played, and how others saw me. I still do that sometimes but mostly I notice these tendencies and ignore them. Or when I see that I want them to be true, I put that desire on the Altar and the Holy Spirit and I look together at it before His Light shines the darkness away.

There is the Thought of God, pure and unadulterated, glorious and perfect. And then there is the ego, and it is the ego thought that blinds me to my true Self. As I bring those false thoughts to the Altar, I undo the ego and my brilliance shines bright and clear as ever.

The ego mind resists this with every trick it has. It says that I am the body and to lose the body is to lose myself. The ego is so certain of that belief that I have believed it, too. But the ego is not trying to preserve me, but only trying to preserve itself. To know who I am is to see the ego cease to exist in my mind and if it does not exist in my mind, it does not exist at all.

To further convince me that I am this body, it convinced me that God has a similar body and with God embodied it was a simple matter to see Him with all the personality traits I accepted as part of me. He became angry and vengeful. He had favorites and I had to behave so as to catch his attention in a positive way. He gave favors to some and to some He did not. I learned to beg and to bargain for what I thought I needed.

The ego mind is very clever. First it convinced me that I am this pathetic, unstable personality in this vulnerable and fragile body, forever at the mercy of the world. When I argued that I had to be like my creator it readily agreed. It gave me a god that was just like me, a body with an unstable personality, a personality that was in constant need of adoration, obedience praise and victims.

Now that I am choosing to remember the truth, the ego fights for its life. When I feel like the beloved of a God of perfect Love, the ego reminds me of my many faults and all my awful sins. This is the way it tries to convince me that I do not deserve forgiveness. It argues that my daily thoughts and actions prove I am neither loving nor lovable.

It projects its vengeful thoughts onto the body as sickness and pain to prove I deserve punishment and that God is untrustworthy. Do you see how it tries to confuse the Thoughts of God with the ego thoughts and keep us so off balance that we can’t discriminate between reality and illusion? This is why the Course is so simple. We are so bewildered by the conflicting thoughts in our mind that we are no longer completely sane.

Jesus makes it simple for us. He says there are only two Voices. There is the ego voice and the Voice for God and only the Voice for God is real. When I ask how to know which one I am hearing, I am told that if it is not completely loving and joyful, gentle and kind, it is not God’s Voice. There is only love (God) and fear (ego). Easy to tell them apart.

I am told that I don’t have to do anything to fix this problem other than to want healing more than I want the problem. The actual healing is done by the Holy Spirit and so is not my problem. I am asked to be vigilant for my thoughts and to place the ones that are unlike Love on the Altar and allow them to be healed. As these thoughts are purified, the truth is revealed. I am told to disregard appearances, that what the body’s eyes show me is a lie. It is simple, and when it feels hard it is only because I resist the truth, but even that resistance is forgiven as I place it on the Altar.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-15-13

8-15-13
V. The Ego-Body Illusion
1 All things work together for good. There are no exceptions except in the ego’s judgment. The ego exerts maximal vigilance about what it permits into awareness, and this is not the way a balanced mind holds together. The ego is thrown further off balance because it keeps its primary motivation from your awareness, and raises control rather than sanity to predominance. The ego has every reason to do this, according to the thought system which gave rise to it and which it serves. Sane judgment would inevitably judge against the ego, and must be obliterated by the ego in the interest of its self-preservation.

I often hear people say that all things work together for good, and I say it myself, but I know I don’t always believe it. If I did believe it I would not be anxious about things. This morning as I sit here writing this I am anxious about the time because I have an appointment I can’t be late for. I ask Jesus to adjust the time for me as I often do, but I still feel the need to rush, to watch the time, to stay in control. Obviously I don’t think all things work together for good. I seem to believe that if I am late for this important appointment, that would not be good, and that I must make all of this happen, the writing and the arriving on time part.

Maintaining control is the ego’s primary objective this morning and I guess all of the time. It allows only what it wants to believe into awareness. I have studied A Course in Miracles for 32 years. I “know” a lot of stuff just from reading it so long,  and even more stuff from the practice of it. But at any time, I forget parts of it and take into my awareness only what the ego wants to remember. This is one of the ways the ego maintains control.

The ego says it is our job to use common sense about time and to keep an eye on the clock. It says that we have to decide if this appointment takes precedence over my commitment to this time with Spirit, and it decides that the appointment is more important. After all what is one day out of the hundreds I have been doing this. When I remind myself of the miracles I have experienced around time, the ego draws my attention to the times I have fallen short in faith and given into fear. According to the ego, my faithlessness means I don’t deserve miracles.

Do you see how the ego hijacks the knowledge that is in my mind? When I ask for help from the Holy Spirit I am given the thoughts that lead me to truth, but the ego begins a relentless battle for control over knowledge. Here is what I am doing today. I notice the anxiety that manifests in my body as a tightening of the jaw and clenching of the stomach. I know what it means. I am hearing the ego warnings, but I also know that I can afford to ignore them. I hear them, I am tempted to believe them, but I return my mind to the Holy Spirit instead. I trust.

The ego is in constant battle for my mind. It wants this body to control and so to control me. It keeps me as distracted as possible to prevent me from remembering the truth because that would be the end of the ego. It does its best to convince me at every opportunity that I am this body and that I am very vulnerable and that my only hope of survival is to control everything in my life. It works vigilantly to keep my attention on the illusion so I will not glimpse my freedom.

It has now become my job to be vigilant against the ego and for God. As I have done this I have become convinced that I cannot be the ego since I am the one who is vigilant against it. I still forget sometimes and allow the ego to narrow my focus to the ideas it wants in my awareness, but I can only be fooled for a little while now, and then I return to sanity.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-14-13

IV. This Need Not Be, Paragraph 11
8-14-13

11 I do not attack your ego. I do work with your higher mind, the home of the Holy Spirit, whether you are asleep or awake, just as your ego does with your lower mind, which is its home. I am your vigilance in this, because you are too confused to recognize your own hope. I am not mistaken. Your mind will elect to join with mine, and together we are invincible. You and your brother will yet come together in my name, and your sanity will be restored. I raised the dead by knowing that life is an eternal attribute of everything that the living God created. Why do you believe it is harder for me to inspire the dis-spirited or to stabilize the unstable? I do not believe that there is an order of difficulty in miracles; you do. I have called and you will answer. I understand that miracles are natural, because they are expressions of love. My calling you is as natural as your answer, and as inevitable.

Every morning before I write in my journal, I post from my journal earlier writings. I have a group that started recently that wanted to get my journaling starting from the beginning, so I send that one out. I also have a group on Facebook where I post from my study of the Manual for Teachers which I did last year. Before I post them I read them and make any updates I feel are needed. What I discovered in doing this is that I am waking up.

The reason it is a discovery I make every morning is that during the day I notice all these ego thoughts in my mind and some of them grab my attention and pull me more completely into that part of my mind. By the end of the day I sometimes feel more identified with ego than I do with spirit. If the ego has had its way with me that day, by evening I despair of ever waking up. Then I read my journal from the past and I remember that not only will I wake up, but I am doing so now, right now, right this moment!

I cannot fail to wake up. Jesus holds my hand throughout this journey. He stands with me even when I think I am facing the ego alone. He upholds me and uplifts me and sometimes just helps me keep my head above water. He is never confused about what I am and he never despairs of me. If during the day I become dispirited he is not fooled by this. He knows this feeling is meaningless and has no power over me. He simply comforts and soothes me and helps me find my feet again.

Recently, because I have seen this happen over and over again, I have realized that my problem is that I have been taking my thoughts too seriously. I have this potential customer that I am waiting to hear from and every day I don’t get a call increases the fear that I have lost this sale. I feel bad about that, like I have let down my boss and fellow workers.

I feel like as long as I have done this job I should be better at it. I feel ashamed I am not. I look back on the meeting with the potential client and I see all sorts of mistakes I made, things I could have said and things I should not have said. These kinds of thoughts keep popping up in my mind all day long. I become dispirited and since I watch my feelings and thoughts I see that I need help.

Jesus does not fight my ego for me. He simply reminds me of the truth, working with my higher mind which is open to his help. I feel myself relax and let go of the fear and guilt. I remember my true purpose which has nothing to do with selling chemicals. I think about this potential customer and instead I see my brother and I love him and want the best for him, whatever that is.

I think about my company and instead of seeing them as my judges, I see them as my brothers and I feel close to them. Separation is the only problem and the only solution is union. I join with Jesus as I accept the Atonement and I join with my brothers knowing that however the story of Myron and the sale of the chemical ends, each of us will have had the opportunity to join in some form. I choose joining for myself and on their behalf as well. This is success, and the only success I am interested in.

These kinds of little battles go on all the time in my mind. What I see today is that I can feel like I am waking up all day if I watch the thoughts without battling them. I see the thought that I may be in danger of losing this sale and I see that thought causes fear. I see that the idea of winning over someone else is not joining. I see that me against them is not an attitude I would find in God, and so it cannot be real. I ask for healing of my mind and let go of it. If it comes back, I ask again.

If I don’t take these thoughts seriously and realize they are just the reflection of the ego mind and so not true and not worthy of my belief, then they are just something to place on the altar. They do not reflect my true self. I am not endangered by the thoughts. Why should I care about them? Certainly they do not keep me from waking up.

Thank you for this paragraph, Jesus. And thank you, my brother, for being here for me and for remembering the truth while I still sometimes forget.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-13-13

IV. This Need Not Be, Paragraph 10
8-13-13
10 The First Coming of Christ is merely another name for the creation, for Christ is the Son of God. The Second Coming of Christ means nothing more than the end of the ego’s rule and the healing of the mind. I was created like you in the First, and I have called you to join me in the Second. I am in charge of the Second Coming, and my judgment, which is used only for protection, cannot be wrong because it never attacks. Yours may be so distorted that you believe I was mistaken in choosing you. I assure you this is a mistake of your ego. Do not mistake it for humility. Your ego is trying to convince you that it is real and I am not, because if I am real, I am no more real than you are. That knowledge, and I assure you that it is knowledge, means that Christ has come into your mind and healed it.

I cried when I read the last sentence. Christ has come into my mind and healed it. It is done and I am healed. So what am I waiting for? Why do I still listen to the ego when it tells me how small and weak and vulnerable I am? The ego stands up and preaches fear and guilt and I just sit there in my wretchedness saying, “Amen, brother!” But I am healed and it is time to walk out on the ego’s sermon of misery.

I have, actually, walked out on the ego any number of times, but once in awhile I become mesmerized by its litany of judgments and suddenly I am right back there in its thrall until I again break free. All I have to do to be free is to want to be free, and the only thing keeping me bound to ego is my fear of freedom. The ego spins some story or another and for awhile I think that the answer to my problem is in the story, but eventually I always remember that there is only one problem appearing as many, and there is only one answer. My problem is that I have forgotten who I am and the answer is the Holy Spirit in my mind.

Jesus has not forgotten who I am and he has called me forward to take my place among his teachers. The ego, of course, is having a hissy fit about this. It keeps trying to bring me back into its fold with reminders of my many sins, and with dire warnings about lack of humility. Who am I to imagine I am a teacher for God? Who am I to imagine I stand side by side with Jesus? And yet, Jesus says he chose me and that he does not choose his helpers wrongly.

Just a very short time ago I would have cowered under the ego’s attack. I would have been willing to continue my practices and to commit to “someday” being ready, and the ego would have been there smirking at me as it pretended to go along with the plan knowing that someday would never come. But those days are over. I still practice, but I do so with conviction and passion.

I know who I am even as I act as if I am still an ego. I may be removing my costume a layer at a time, but I am removing it. I am stepping up and I am saying yes. Every morning now I am stopping for a moment to renew my commitment by saying yes, and by spending a few moments allowing the Holy Spirit to work in me. I don’t know what He is doing as I sit there, but I trust it is an essential part of the Second Coming.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-12-13

IV. This Need Not Be, Paragraph 9I
8-12-13
9 You are a mirror of truth, in which God Himself shines in perfect light. To the ego’s dark glass you need but say, “I will not look there because I know these images are not true.” Then let the Holy One shine on you in peace, knowing that this and only this must be. His Mind shone on you in your creation and brought your mind into being. His Mind still shines on you and must shine through you. Your ego cannot prevent Him from shining on you, but it can prevent you from letting Him shine through you.

I am so grateful to know that I am a mirror of God’s perfect light. I have been aware for awhile that everyone and everything my eyes show me is a reflection of what I believe about myself. But it is not the truth of what I am, only the ego’s dark dream of itself. If I am actually a mirrored image of God, what I see can only be an illusion born of idle wishes to experience something else. I am not that.

What does the ego’s dark glass show me? I see my brother or sister as guilty. How could this be? God created them innocent and what He creates is certain and never changing. When I see guilt in my brother or my sister I know this could not be true. Then I sit in peace and allow the Holy Spirit to shine on me and the darkness is gone. I see my brother and sister as they truly are.

When I seem to be in pain, or someone else I know seems to be in pain, I am looking at the ego’s dark glass and I can change my mind knowing that this could not be true. Pain is not part of God and so it cannot be. Let me sit in peace and allow the Light to shine away this dark vision. I feel rejected and abandoned. I know this cannot be a true reflection so I ask that the Light of God shine away the darkness. Rejection and abandonment are reflections from a sick mind, and I gladly accept healing from the Holy Spirit.

God’s Mind shone on me in my creation and brought my mind into being. If God’s Mind shone on mine then it must still shine on my mind because God does not take back His gifts. Everything in our world is unreliable, unpredictable, and unstable and so we have trouble envisioning something that does not vary. We have nothing with which to relate it. What in this world can we depend on? Even the earth itself is heading toward its own annihilation. But God is and that will never change. What God creates remains as it was created.

Because God created us like Himself, we are free and so while we cannot undo creation, and so we cannot prevent God from shining on us, we are free to deny it. When we deny the light we are unaware of what it would show us. This is the reason I can pretend to feel something God did not create and then convince myself that it is really happening.

My denial blocks the light that reveals the truth, and heals the mind that has blinded itself. But since I am the one who chose to be unaware of the perfect light that never ceases to shine on me, I am also free to change my mind. I do this by looking away from the dark reflection, refusing to believe it in spite of appearances. I look away from what I have done, and toward what God has done.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-9-13

IV. This Need Not Be, Paragraph 8
8-9-13
8 Have you really considered how many opportunities you have had to gladden yourself, and how many of them you have refused? There is no limit to the power of a Son of God, but he can limit the expression of his power as much as he chooses. Your mind and mine can unite in shining your ego away, releasing the strength of God into everything you think and do. Do not settle for anything less than this, and refuse to accept anything but this as your goal. Watch your mind carefully for any beliefs that hinder its accomplishment, and step away from them. Judge how well you have done this by your own feelings, for this is the one right use of judgment. Judgment, like any other defense, can be used to attack or protect; to hurt or to heal. The ego should be brought to judgment and found wanting there. Without your own allegiance, protection and love, the ego cannot exist. Let it be judged truly and you must withdraw allegiance, protection and love from it.

“Your mind and mine can unite in shining your ego away, releasing the strength of God into everything you think and do.” This is my job, my purpose, my goal. This is what I do all day, every day. I am alert for the ego thinking and am willing to step away from it when I notice it. Often it is my emotions that let me know I am thinking with the ego mind rather than with God. Jesus says that judging how well I am doing in my vigilance is the right use of judgment.

Last night I had an opportunity to do this. I was part of a group text with my girls and one of them said something that triggered a reaction in me. It seemed to me she was being critical and unkind, and her comment felt like a knife piercing my heart. I felt angry and hurt. At the same time I felt these emotions, an “ego alert” went through my mind and so as I was experiencing these feelings, I also watched my thoughts.

I questioned my reaction. My daughter seemed to be deliberately rude and unkind. Is that true? I don’t know but it seems unlikely since normally she seems to love me. Maybe she was simply expressing herself in the same way she does to other people. Maybe sarcasm and sharply pointed words are just her way of making a point. Actually, I think these things are true about her, and I think maybe I had touched on something that triggers fear in her and she doesn’t like it so she tries to shut it down quickly and completely. It is not about me, but about her.

So why is it that I reacted so strongly to her comments? I didn’t know and had to ask the Holy Spirit what He wanted me to see. Suddenly I remembered that I used to do this to my mom. Also, I remembered how I thought I knew so much more than her when I was younger and I often spoke to her disrespectfully and unkindly. Two things were being triggered by my daughter’s comments to me.

One was the guilt I obviously still carried concerning my mother. I let that guilt come up and had a good cry. Such strong emotion! I could have sworn I had forgiven all that, but there it was, undeniable in its strength of emotion. I asked the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the belief in guilt. This is how we shine the ego away.

The second thing that was triggered was a result of the guilt I felt about my behavior to my mom. I was always afraid that my kids felt the same contempt for me that I had sometimes felt for my mom. This was why I had such a visceral reaction to my daughter’s comments. I was afraid I was guilty and deserving of punishment, and my daughter’s words seemed to prove I was right. This fear is very strong in me. When my kids treat me with the love and respect that I don’t believe I deserve I am at the least, surprised, and sometimes even suspicious.

Once the Holy Spirit helped me to look honestly at my feelings and my thoughts I asked Him to help me see differently. I had wanted to change the way my daughter speaks to me but now with the Holy Spirit joining with me I felt the strength of that joining and right minded thoughts came to me. The solution to my problem was not going to be in blaming my daughter or changing her mind. The solution was to forgive myself and to accept the truth that I am that I am, and that does not change according to someone else’s judgment of me, or even my own judgment. I can choose to feel bad about myself, but I remain forever innocent.

After giving myself time to accept God’s judgment of me, I was able to see my daughter differently. I was able to see her need for me to be different with compassionate understanding. Didn’t I just go through the same thing with her? I had wanted to make her see me differently, or at least to talk about me behind my back where I wouldn’t have to look at my own fears and guilt. It always amazes me that simply forgiving something takes all the sting out of it. Suddenly hurtful words are just words.

Last night I withdrew my allegiance and my protection from the ego. I accomplished my one goal. I did this because I have learned to be vigilant for the ego, and I have carefully nurtured my willingness to be healed. I gladly joined with the Holy Spirit for this purpose and together our strength overcame the part of me that was still attached to the story and the ego thinking in this situation. I am grateful.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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