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From Specialness to Holiness

This is something I am learning from 905: Special Relationships vs Holy Relationships

What I am learning about moving from specialness to holiness.

The main thing I have learned about moving from specialness to holiness is that we are all special and no one is less than or more than. When we believe that we are special in a way that is different from others, or when we make someone else special in a positive or negative way, we intensify the sense of being separate from God. We become more entangled with the separation stories and it is harder for us to leave them behind.

The way out of this is to become willing to see ourselves and our brothers as we truly are rather than as the ego sees us all. Our willingness for vision will assure that we receive it. The only thing standing between us and that gift is our desire to keep separation intact. We do this by placing value on our grievances and by insisting that guilt is real. We cannot remember who we are as long as we still believe in sin, not our own or anyone else’s.

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Manual for Teachers, Honesty, P 2. 2-20-20

II. Honesty, P 2
2 The peace of mind which the advanced teachers of God experience is largely due to their perfect honesty. It is only the wish to deceive that makes for war. No one at one with himself can even conceive of conflict. Conflict is the inevitable result of self-deception, and self-deception is dishonesty. There is no challenge to a teacher of God. Challenge implies doubt, and the trust on which God’s teachers rest secure makes doubt impossible. Therefore they can only succeed. In this, as in all things, they are honest. They can only succeed, because they never do their will alone. They choose for all mankind; for all the world and all things in it; for the unchanging and unchangeable beyond appearances; and for the Son of God and his Creator. How could they not succeed? They choose in perfect honesty, sure of their choice as of themselves.
 
What jumped out at me is the sentence that said;

No one at one with himself can even conceive of conflict.

The reason this caught my attention is that it perfectly describes our state in this illusion. Not only is everything we see in a state of separation, we see ourselves in a state of separation. The ego personification of Myron is just a gathering of disparate pieces brought together to appear as one. But what is different cannot be one.

As an example of what this means, I thought of all the ways I used to describe the personality Myron.
She was honest.
She was dishonest.
She was sad.
She was happy.
She was kind.
She was cruel.
She was forgiving.
She would hold onto grievances.

Everything in that short list was true and everything in it conflicts with something else. And each of those has a host of beliefs behind them, each bolstered with their own stories to make them seem more real. Now, most of this has resolved itself, though occasionally some conflicting belief still shows up temporarily.

For instance, I might notice I feel sad and so my mind starts scrambling for a story to explain the sadness. When that happens now, I ask the Holy Spirit what this is for and what He wants me to know about it. Sometimes there is nothing to look at, just the ego trying to interest me in a bit of drama, in which case, I choose peace and everything goes back to being fine. But it wasn’t always like that.

In the past, it might have gone like this. I would suddenly realize my son hadn’t called me in two weeks. I believed he needed to call me regularly and I would feel unloved when he didn’t. I would think of reasons he didn’t call me and eventually get to the one where I was not a good mother and now I think I am worthless.

If I felt bad enough the mind would start scrambling to find someplace else to put the blame and I would get a good story going about what a sorry son he is to ignore me after all I’ve done for him. It’s funny if looked at with openness, but not so funny if believed. Conflict is painful. It is suffering.

The solution was to disown all that is not truly Me. As I laid aside the beliefs that make the many facets of my little self, what is left is Self and without all the incongruent aspects within my mind I am at peace, and this is the honesty Jesus is talking about.

As I laid aside all that is not love knowing it cannot be me, then what is left is only love. From within this state when my son calls me, I love it. When he doesn’t call me, I love it. There is nothing but love because that is what I am and all I am, so there is nothing to experience but love. That is honesty.

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The Goal Is Union 2-13-20

Everything in the Course is trying to help us understand that our goal is to join. We are to join with our brother, to join with Jesus, to join with God, to know we are one with every living thing. Union is our natural state, our reality and to bring our mind back to this reality we must be aware of what we have chosen instead and choose again. It all starts to fall into place for me. I only thought I understood until this morning, and now I see that I had a bare glimmering of the truth until this moment.

Of course, I have seen that understanding is the very first, tentative step into reality. It is the cracking open of a door that I had once held firmly closed, but that crack lets in the light and I see so much more clearly now. I see the reason I am to join in every case and at every opportunity. It is in thinking that separation is even possible that caused the entire illusion to unfold.

Now that I understand reality is union, I am stepping backward, working my way out of the illusion. I do this as I see the ways in which I pretend that I am separate, and choose union instead. I am not doing this alone, and even saying that makes me laugh because what is “alone” except an attempt to keep the illusion in place. There is no alone. Alone is a dream of something that is not possible. I let go of separation as I join with the Holy Spirit and allow the false beliefs to be undone.

I want to stop thinking that I am separate. I want to embrace union in every way I can. I want to use time for that one purpose, to recognize that I am joined and in that joining, to know myself as part of God, with Whom I am joined forever. Because want this, I will get it; I always get what I want.

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Manual for Teachers, Honesty, P 1. 2-13-20

II. Honesty
1 All other traits of God’s teachers rest on trust. Once that has been achieved, the others cannot fail to follow. Only the trusting can afford honesty, for only they can see its value. Honesty does not apply only to what you say. The term actually means consistency. There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything. 
As I read this paragraph I thought of examples of how I am honest, and I thought of ways in which I have not yet achieved honesty.

There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do…

Here is an example of when my words and actions were not in accord. I was shopping one night to the background of a baby screaming his head off. I had thoughts about the mom needing to give it up and take that miserably unhappy child home.

Now that may have been true, but the meaning behind that thought was a judgment. I was really thinking that a “good” mother would take her child home. I didn’t say those words even in my head because I’m a good Course student and I know that she is innocent, but I obviously don’t believe it.

There was an inconsistency between my thoughts. I didn’t actually say any of these words out loud, but I said them to myself and I saw the inconsistency. I am not so interested in asking the Holy Spirit to heal my words, but rather I am asking that the belief from which the words came be healed.

I obviously did not see this woman as innocent. I saw her as guilty compared with someone who is innocent and so I am teaching myself separation. I felt annoyed with her because she reminded me of myself when I was in her position, shopping with a young child. I did not live up to my own expectations and felt guilty for it and I was projecting this old guilt onto her. I don’t want to teach guilt and so learn it, and yet, that is what I was doing. Inconsistency.

My lack of peace while shopping was not caused by a baby crying, but rather from my thoughts about the baby crying. My thoughts were inconsistent, my beliefs were inconsistent, and so I was conflicted. I was at war in my mind, and that was the cause of my unease.

I could allow this recognition to upset and discourage me, and at one time that is exactly what would happen and the war in my mind would escalate. That night’s incidence was different than it once would be, though. I was aware that I was not yet honest. I was happy to see the opportunities to look at the thoughts that point to inconsistent beliefs.

I am willing that all my beliefs be consistent with the truth, and so when I notice a thought that is not true, I am glad to have found it so that I can accept healing on behalf of us all. That, at least, is an honest statement.

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Manual for Teachers, Development of Trust, P 8. 2-5-20

A. Development of Trust, P 8
8 And finally, there is “a period of achievement.” It is here that learning is consolidated. Now what was seen as merely shadows before become solid gains, to be counted on in all “emergencies” as well as tranquil times. Indeed, the tranquility is their result; the outcome of honest learning, consistency of thought and full transfer. This is the stage of real peace, for here is Heaven’s state fully reflected. From here, the way to Heaven is open and easy. In fact, it is here. Who would “go” anywhere, if peace of mind is already complete? And who would seek to change tranquility for something more desirable? What could be more desirable than this?

For a long time, I had periods of undisturbed peace and I had times when joy simply welled up in me, joy that is not attached to anything, that simply was. For a very long time, the peace and the joy didn’t last. I would suddenly feel anxious or sad or guilty. There seemed always to be a reason for this, something that happened in my life that pulled me out of this happy state.

Of course, this could not be the case. I don’t actually react to what happens in my life. What happens in my life is a direct result of what happens in my mind. I then create the fiction that I don’t know why life picks on me, and I am just the innocent victim of circumstances. But I knew better, even as I lied to myself there was a place in me that knew better. I alone am responsible for everything in my life, so it must be that I kicked myself out of paradise. Again.

I’ve been teaching from The Obstacles to Peace, specifically, The Fear of God, and this week we were on The Lifting of the Veil. We stand before the veil that seems to hide from us the face of Christ, and yet we do not move it aside. We stand trembling in terror at the fear of God. And yet, this is what we have come for, to move the veil aside and remember God.

What remains undone? How do we overcome the fear of God? This is what the Course tells us.
Before complete forgiveness you still stand unforgiving. You are afraid of God because you fear your brother. Those you do not forgive you fear. And no one reaches love with fear beside him.

And so, I saw that my learning was not complete, my beliefs were not consistent if I still looked on my brother from time to time and saw him as the enemy. I realized that I would not awaken while I look at him with the body’s eyes and believed what they told me, completely forgetting that they only report back to me what I want to see.

I had to accept that I and I alone am responsible for everything in my life and I had to forgive all grievances if I were ever to awaken. I did this. I forgave the idea that there was anything to forgive. I forgave the idea that guilt is real. My final forgiveness was to release the guilt I held against myself and I did that with the help of Jesus. When that was done, when that miracle occurred, everything changed.

I awoke to the realization that this is not my life and I am not this character. Sure, I had been learning and teaching this for years and I believed it, but believing something is true is not the same as knowing it is true. The ego mind is like a clingy ex-boyfriend and tries to re-establish our relationship any time I give it a chance, so I have to remain vigilant for its insane thoughts. It’s not hard to reject them anymore because I’m not fooled by them and not interested. This state of being while in the world is worth everything it took to get here.

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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy, P 5. 2-5-20

I. True Empathy P 5
T-16.I.5. The triumph of weakness is not what you would offer to a brother. 2 And yet you recognize no triumph but this. 3 This is not knowledge, and the form of empathy which would bring this about is so distorted that it would imprison what it would release. 4 The unredeemed cannot redeem, yet they have a Redeemer. 5 Attempt to teach Him not. 6 You are the learner; He the Teacher. 7 Do not confuse your role with His, for this will never bring peace to anyone. 8 Offer your empathy to Him for it is His perception and His strength that you would share. 9 And let Him offer you His strength and His perception, to be shared through you.

Journal
Sympathy, constructed from the Greek “sym,” meaning together, and “pathos,” referring to feelings or emotion, is used to describe when one person shares the same feelings of another, such as when someone close is experiencing grief or loss. Empathy is a newer word also related to “pathos,” but there is a greater implication of emotional distance. With “empathy” you can imagine or understand to how someone might feel, without necessarily having those feelings yourself.

I seldom feel sympathy because I don’t believe in the world and because I know that the feelings that are triggered by the story we are reviewing are for the purpose of healing. I tend to feel happy for the person who now has a chance to be healed of some painful belief knowing that this is what it is for and that it is always possible to accomplish healing.

On the other hand, I do feel empathy in that I know how resistant we can be when faced with these deeply rooted beliefs and how painful it is when we resist. The problem is that the waters can be muddied in certain circumstances, especially if I, too, have the same belief, or if I had it for a long time and the healing is still new. The mind can slip back into old thinking if triggered. Then there is conflict in my mind. Part of my mind wants to feel bad and part knows this is not helpful.

This paragraph helps to deal with this kind of reaction. In fact, it can prevent the confusion altogether. Now when I notice I feel empathy, I am going to give it to the Holy Spirit straight away. I will let Him teach me how to perceive it and I will rely on His strength when I share. Now I never have to worry about what to say or do in any situation because I will be told. I will never add to someone’s confusion with my own. I will never weaken when I could strengthen. This is such a relief knowing I am not on my own; I always have Help.

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Manual for Teachers, Development of Trust, P 7. 1-28-20

A. Development of Trust, P 7
7 The next stage is indeed “a period of unsettling.” Now must the teacher of God understand that he did not really know what was valuable and what was valueless. All that he really learned so far was that he did not want the valueless, and that he did want the valuable. Yet his own sorting out was meaningless in teaching him the difference. The idea of sacrifice, so central to his own thought system, had made it impossible for him to judge. He thought he learned willingness, but now he sees that he does not know what the willingness is for. And now he must attain a state that may remain impossible to reach for a long, long time. He must learn to lay all judgment aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstance. Were not each step in this direction so heavily reinforced, it would be hard indeed!

My problem when I was at this step was that I thought I could do this on my own. Later, I came to realize that there is no me alone; there is me with the Holy Spirit and me with the ego. When I think I am doing something on my own, I am actually using the split mind to do my thinking. I have learned to use the holy mind instead.

Another problem I had was that I wanted to decide what was valuable and what was valueless. I wanted to decide what I would keep and what I would release. This, of course, brought the ego into the process and derailed it. I learned that I want the Holy Spirit to decide for me because I have no other way of making good decisions. I no longer say, “Here is an idea, please help me decide if I want to keep it.” I say instead, “Here is an idea. Is it helpful? If not, please remove it.”

I have learned that I don’t even know what anything is for and so how could I make good judgments? I am lost in my mind, dreaming of a world that could never exist. Christopher Nolan’s film Inception features a classic optical illusion called the Penrose staircase, which folds back upon itself in space. You can walk it forever and never get anyplace but on the staircase. This is a perfect metaphor for our life here. Until we choose to allow ourselves to be led out of illusion, we are just walking the Penrose staircase.

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