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Study of Text, Chapter10: V. The Denial of God, P 3. 7-7-15

V. The Denial of God, P3
3 Allegiance to the denial of God is the ego’s religion. The god of sickness obviously demands the denial of health, because health is in direct opposition to its own survival. But consider what this means to you. Unless you are sick you cannot keep the gods you made, for only in sickness could you possibly want them. Blasphemy, then, is self-destructive, not God-destructive. It means that you are willing not to know yourself in order to be sick. This is the offering your god demands because, having made him out of your insanity, he is an insane idea. He has many forms, but although he may seem to be many different things he is but one idea;-the denial of God.

Journal
Sometimes as I read what has actually occurred in the mind in order to experience separation, I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry. When I deny God, which I do every time I indulge in ego thinking, the drama, the guilt and fear, the pain and suffering, I deny not only God, but also my Self. I deny what I am.

I have been looking at a lot of thoughts and beliefs that I have in the past hidden from myself. I see the belief that I am unfairly treated and I feel so sorry for myself that it makes me cry or it makes me so angry I lash out. Then I feel discouraged because it seems I will never get to the end of these beliefs. I forget that it is only one belief taking many forms. I am looking at the forms in order to make a decision as to whether or not I am ready to finally release the belief to the Holy Spirit.

When I remember what I am doing, I am able to detach somewhat from the emotional reaction, but when I forget the purpose of this work, I just feel helpless. The ego mind is very attracted to the drama of hopelessness, and will go there if I don’t stop the mind from doing so. I saw myself doing this yesterday, forgetting why I am looking at these thoughts and getting caught up in the beliefs and their effects.

One thing happened at work, and while it seemed a minor thing, it triggered a deeply rooted fear in my mind. I reacted to it, and then the ego mind dredged up more fears and it all just cascaded. There was enough detachment for me to realize that this was an ego reaction and so meaningless, but the emotion was really strong.

Last night when I went to bed I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me in my sleep and to heal my mind. When I do this, and especially when I listen to the Course in my sleep, my dreams reflect the Holy Spirit’s teaching in a very helpful and comforting way. I wake up from my sleep happy and encouraged.

This time, though, I had the strangest dreams. It was about people coming back from awakened states and saying that it isn’t all its cracked up to be. These people were angry and there was struggling and gun play involved, and when I woke up I was just confused. I didn’t understand how this was helpful, but I didn’t feel upset about the dream, so I knew it was symbolic.

I see now that this was the ego fighting against awakening. It was the ego version of waking up, finding it unsatisfying, and wanting to return to the world of high drama. I see that this is what is happening in my mind now, the reason I keep falling into the rabbit hole and seemingly losing my way.

I am doing the work that needs to be done to release myself from the dream, and the part of my mind that is attached to the dream is doing what it can to keep me engaged. This is very wearing but as I become more cognizant of what is happening, I am less affected. Just like yesterday, I would feel upset and weepy, then I would pull myself away from that emotion and remember that I have a purpose.

I would get angry and then remember that this is just the ego judgment of the situation and the ego belief in defense through attack, and I would pull myself away again and focus on my purpose. Not so long ago, it might have taken me days to disengage, and now it usually only takes minutes. The work is working.

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Study of Text, Chapter10: V. The Denial of God, P 2. 7-6-15

V. The Denial of God, P2
2 Do not forget, however, that to deny God will inevitably result in projection, and you will believe that others and not yourself have done this to you. You must receive the message you give because it is the message you want. You may believe that you judge your brothers by the messages they give you, but you have judged them by the message you give to them. Do not attribute your denial of joy to them, or you cannot see the spark in them that would bring joy to you. It is the denial of the spark that brings depression, for whenever you see your brothers without it, you are denying God.

Journal
When I read the words that say I deny God, it seems like that can’t be true. Yet, when I think about all I do, say and feel that is opposite to God, I realize it must be true. When I express guilt in any way, I deny God because there is no guilt in God. When my Internet went out on Saturday, I was frustrated because I had plans to work on my computer. There is no frustration in God so I was denying God in that moment. I was worshipping at the ego’s altar.

As Jesus says, when I deny God, I will inevitably project, and this is what I did. I projected onto the Internet people. I thought about how it seems every time it rains my Internet goes out. They have one job to do, to keep the Internet working and they can’t seem to do it. As I had these thoughts, I felt worse and worse. I felt heavy and dark.

A part of my mind was aware of this, noticing the guilt thoughts, the projection, the inevitable effect of projecting guilt. But I was caught up in my stories of guilt and had a hard time letting them go. When I talked to the Internet technician I felt like I was talking to the enemy, like it was his fault my life took a wrong turn. In so doing, I failed to see the spark in him that would have brought me joy. As Jesus says: “It is the denial of the spark that brings depression, for whenever you see your brothers without it, you are denying God.”

Then Sunday morning, I was reading this posting by Paul West and in which he reminds us that there is a beautiful and completely neutral world out there over which we have placed our guilty thoughts. I had to laugh because that is what I did. I made the Internet folks guilty for screwing up my day. The more I thought about it the more I realized I could have asked Holy Spirit what this was for. I could have listened to guidance about what to do next, and had a really good time.

When life sucks, all that means is the thoughts in our mind suck, that we are splattering guilt all over a perfectly neutral world. I had a good laugh about the whole thing Sunday morning and felt a lot of gratitude to ‪Suzanne Weaver, for sharing this, and ‪Paul West, for writing it. Finding this posting on Sunday morning was like Spirit was high-lighting the whole incident so I would really get it.

Once again, I remind myself that I am not the victim of my world, but the maker of it. Listening to the ego mind is always going to make a depressing world, just as allegiance to God will always show me the beautiful world that exists just behind my projections. My internet went out again on Sunday and I did other things.

When I eventually called in, the technician was helpful and I told him he was a genius. He laughed and we said goodbye. That happy ending was there all along, but to experience it, I had to desire the happy ending more than I desired the right to be unfairly treated.

Here is the part of Paul’s posting that was especially helpful to me when I read it.

“What this also reveals, as ACIM would confirm, is that just because the world currently looks a certain way, or the people seem to be in a certain mood, or I’m experiencing it in a certain mindset, or I have a certain feeling about it, this does NOT mean that these things are objectively real. If I am perceiving that other people are unloving, unkind, hateful, fear-inducing, etc. ... this shows me simply that there is content IN MY OWN MIND that I am seeing overlaid on my experience of ‘reality’, making it seem as though the world sucks.

The Course speaks of the forgiven world - a world that you see when YOU have forgiven yourself. It is a neutral world, with no false meaning given to it. It is a lovely world, a beautiful world, a world of such clarity. If we are NOT seeing that world, it is because we have blocks in our awareness. We have blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, and that is what ACIM aims to help remove.

So I should remember, that no matter how the world looks right now, or what content it seems to have, if I am not seeing a completely beautiful neutral world then what I’m seeing is MY OWN STUFF interfering with my perception. It’s not allowing me to experience reality clearly. It’s blocking my view and interfering with what I’m seeing ‘out there’. What I see out there is my own content reflected in a completely clear mirror, showing me my own ego. So if I think this world sucks and am seeing reasons for it sucking, it’s because I suck. Conversely, when I forgive myself for what I have not done and remember my innocence, I will ONLY be able to experience innocence and happiness all around me.”

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Study of Text, Chapter10: V. The Denial of God, P 1. 7-1-15

V. The Denial of God
1 The rituals of the god of sickness are strange and very demanding. Joy is never permitted, for depression is the sign of allegiance to him. Depression means that you have forsworn God. Many are afraid of blasphemy, but they do not understand what it means. They do not realize that to deny God is to deny their own Identity, and in this sense the wages of sin is death. The sense is very literal; denial of life perceives its opposite, as all forms of denial replace what is with what is not. No one can really do this, but that you think you can and believe you have is beyond dispute.

Journal
I went through a period of relinquishing fear and then another of relinquishing guilt. Both were very intense and while in the middle of doing this I would often forget that looking with Holy Spirit at guilt and fear was what I wanted. I would get caught up in these beliefs and think that I was guilt or that I was fear. I would think that I had forgotten everything I ever learned and that I had no way out.

Then I would remember the truth and it was like a drowning person surfacing and gasping for breath, and so thankful for air, then looking around and realizing I was drowning in a foot of water. I would have to laugh. Then I would be immersed in fear or guilt again and the process would start over. Eventually, I stopped believing in fear and guilt so much and the process was gentler and lasted for a shorter period. I won’t say that I never experience guilt or fear anymore, but I never completely believe in them, and now I extricate myself more quickly.

Lately, I have been looking at grief, sadness and depression. I thought I was through with depression, but evidently, the belief in depression is still rooted in my mind, and so it is coming up for me to look at and to release, just as I did guilt and fear. I didn’t realize what was happening at first. I would just get washed away in these feelings and wonder what was happening. But I have done this kind of work before, so I began to recognize it for what it is. This makes the process easier and less frightening.

Here is what I have learned through going through this. First, it is not a sign that the truth is not true. It is not a punishment or proof that I am not loved by God. It is not reason to be upset. It is actually a good thing that these beliefs are surfacing, to be looked at and released. I remind myself of this when I start to feel upset by them.

Looking at them with the Holy Spirit means feeling them, and noticing how much I believe them, so it is not pleasant, but it doesn’t have to be scary. So the second thing is that I welcome them, as much as I can do that. I don’t push these feelings away. I don’t deny them. I don’t project them. I don’t try to bury them. At least I do my best with this and when I notice I am in denial or I am projecting, I stop. These are ego strategies and they do not work.

Thirdly, as I become aware of the feelings and the beliefs that source the feelings, I release them to the Holy Spirit. I cannot undo this on my own. This is His function and so I give it to Him. The ego will try to take over and offer suggestions to get rid of the feelings. It will suggest medication, therapy, blame, and eventually will suggest self-annihilation, as its true desire for me is death. The Holy Spirit, on the other hand, will offer true healing and so I reject the ego solutions, and release the problem to Him.

And finally, as I sit with these feelings, releasing them as best as I can, I notice how hard the ego mind tries to cling to them. The ego just loves all this drama, this focus on separation and misery. So I choose the opposite. I remind myself of the truth of my being. I direct my mind to look away from the darkness and toward the light. The more firmly I make this choice, the more quickly I experience relief, and the less intense the feelings when they surface.

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Study of Text, Chapter10: IV. The End of Sickness, P 8. 6-30-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 8
8 In many only the spark remains, for the Great Rays are obscured. Yet God has kept the spark alive so that the Rays can never be completely forgotten. If you but see the little spark you will learn of the greater light, for the Rays are there unseen. Perceiving the spark will heal, but knowing the light will create. Yet in the returning the little light must be acknowledged first, for the separation was a descent from magnitude to littleness. But the spark is still as pure as the Great Light, because it is the remaining call of creation. Put all your faith in it, and God Himself will answer you.

Journal
I think that most people, when they pick up A Course in Miracles, are aware of a small spark, and as we study and practice, the small spark begins to grow into a brighter light. Eventually, the light becomes a Great Light and then we move from healing to creating. Right now, while it is nice to know my ultimate goal, my concern is in keeping my eye on the spark. I want to see that spark brighten.

Jesus says the way we do this is to start with what we have and work from there. He says that separation was a descent from magnitude to littleness, so we start at littleness and work our way back to magnitude. I do this every day as I notice my thoughts and ask for healing when I see that I am descending into littleness again. I direct my mind to focus on what is true about me and what is true about my brother, rather than giving my attention to error.

Yesterday, I let my mind stray to the ego and when I did, the ego mind, the belief in separation, took over for awhile. This is the problem with giving my attention to the ego, it is easy to become entangled with it and then it is hard to find my way out again. Thank God for that spark of light that is the beacon that guides me back to reality. Then when others add their light to mine, there is more light, and everything becomes clear once again. The mind is healed and healing is our goal at this time.

The most encouraging thing is to realize that the spark, small though it might be, is just a pure as the Great Light. And that as I put my faith in that spark, God Himself answers me. Oh my goodness! This is motivation to keep my eye on the goal and not let my attention stray to the illusion. What in this story is as important as this?

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Study of Text, Chapter10: IV. The End of Sickness, P 7. 6-29-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 7
7 The miracle is the act of a Son of God who has laid aside all false gods, and calls on his brothers to do likewise. It is an act of faith, because it is the recognition that his brother can do it. It is a call to the Holy Spirit in his mind, a call that is strengthened by joining. Because the miracle worker has heard God’s Voice, he strengthens It in a sick brother by weakening his belief in sickness, which he does not share. The power of one mind can shine into another, because all the lamps of God were lit by the same spark. It is everywhere and it is eternal.

As I read this I am, of course, reminded of the miracles Jesus performed as a man. He healed many without any distinction between the seriousness of the illnesses. He healed the cripple and the mentally ill. He healed those who were in front of him and those he did not actually see. He raised the dead, and he calmed the seas and he walked on water. He died and rose from the dead. If Jesus joined us in this world to be the model we would use to follow him out of the world, then these things we, too, can do; these things and more according to our brother.

Jesus accomplished these miracles because he believed only the truth. He laid aside all false gods, all ego beliefs. He joined with the Holy Spirit in his mind. He joined with the minds of his brothers and sisters in whom he had perfect faith, because he knew them for who they were. What Jesus did, we can do. We can look past the ego belief in separation, weakness, sickness, suffering and death. We can see these for the lies they are and know that these things cannot be God’s Will, so they cannot be.

We can know our brother for the Son of God he is and not be deceived by his words or actions in this dream world. We can know that what God creates is eternal and eternally exactly as it is created. Knowing this truth and only this truth about our brothers we do not share in their confusion. We know that sickness is only an illusion and cannot stand up under scrutiny. Because we do not believe in the sickness, we weaken our brother’s belief in the sickness.

Can I heal another? Apparently, l can. I can heal him with my unwavering faith in God and in my brother. If the light in my mind is sufficiently strong, I can do this. Jesus says that the power of one mind can shine into another. It is possible that my mind can be powerful in its faith, but it is not always so. I still see levels and degrees of sickness. I still believe that I can heal certain things and not others. My faith in some of my brothers is strong and in others is weak, because I still see them as separate.

When my faith wavers, I call on others to join me in my prayer. Our joining with each other strengthens the light in all our minds. This light helps us to overcome our fear and see past the guilt that blocks the awareness of loves presence. I trust this joining in purpose, and I trust the light in my brothers.

We are not meant to suffer and be sick, to be in pain, nor even to die. This morning as I write this, I am also thinking about doing a stress test today. It is part of the “chest pains” episode from a couple of weeks ago. I am dreading the whole thing. I don’t want to find out there is something wrong with my heart. When I think that I can choose healing I notice I feel afraid of that, too. It is like I would rather just give into the sickness than face the possibility that I will not be healed.

What if I am not worthy? What if my faith is not strong enough? What if God does not love me? What if the truth is not true? That seems so much worse than clogged arteries. Having clogged arteries or even dying of a heart attack is better than discovering that I really am just a body, rejected by my creator and destined to live a pointless life and then die.

The ego gets very dramatic when I think about this. But I know I need to look at the thoughts in the mind, because looking at them makes it possible for me to release them to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps you would like to join me in remembering the ego cannot be the truth of me, of us. I will join with the Holy Spirit in our mind, and you can strengthen my faith by joining with me in this. Thank you.

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Study of Text, Chapter 10: IV. The End of Sickness, P 6. 6-25-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 6
6 When you have experienced the protection of God, the making of idols becomes inconceivable. There are no strange images in the Mind of God, and what is not in His Mind cannot be in yours, because you are of one mind and that mind belongs to Him. It is yours because it belongs to Him, for to Him ownership is sharing. And if it is so for Him, it is so for you. His definitions are His laws, for by them He established the universe as what it is. No false gods you attempt to interpose between yourself and your reality affect truth at all. Peace is yours because God created you. And He created nothing else.

It can be difficult for us to not feel threatened by the idea of a God that we belong to, one that rules the universe and whose laws we must live by. This can be frightening as the ego mind rebels and says that we are each independent and that independence is a point of pride. Ego says that we are separate and distinct and our uniqueness is what makes us what we are, and to lose that is to lose our self. And if God makes all the laws and we must live by them, what if we don’t? What if we fail to do this? In our world of time and space, when someone fails to live by a law they are punished, so punishment is what we expect.

But Jesus tells us that for God, ownership is sharing. This is meaningless in our experience, but it is the way of Reality. And while we cannot have that experience in the ego mind, we can infer its meaning.  What God is, He shares with us. So if we belong to God, if we are His creation, we share all that is God. We share the Mind of God and His laws are our laws, and His power is our power, and His safety is our safety. The inference is that in Reality, there is no loss in belonging to God. All that God Is, He gave to us in our creation because that is the very definition of creation.

And could we fail to obey the laws of God? In the illusory world of time and space we act as if we can do this, and we see the effect of our imaginative play. This effect is the reason, the motivation, to awaken from this dream of separation. As we pretend we can make laws different from God’s laws we suffer pain and death. But we are not bound by those laws and can step out of the stories of separation at any time because they are not reality.

God’s laws are not optional. They are like the law of gravity here. We can thumb our nose at gravity, but the moment we step off a cliff we will plummet to the ground. Gravity is gravity. This is the way God’s laws operate. They simply are and nothing undoes them. We are one. That is a law of God, as immutable as our law of gravity, and as irreversible. We are one, we are love, we are mind, we are part of God and in God. We create as God creates. We are eternal. These are laws of God and nothing can change this. Anything else is just a thought, an idea that we are free to explore, but that changes nothing.

We can make an anti-gravity chamber and float around as if nothing holds us to the ground, but when we step out of that chamber we find that the law of gravity has not altered. That is how it is for us. We have made an anti-oneness chamber and we are hanging around in it and playing at separation. We won’t stay forever because this is not natural for us. We will get tired of suffering or just get tired of the restrictions, and we will wake up to our true and perfectly free Selves. We will step out of the chamber we made and the laws of God will still be in effect.

And thank God for that!

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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The End of Sickness, P 5. 6-24-15

IV. The End of Sickness P 5
5 You are not free to give up freedom, but only to deny it. You cannot do what God did not intend, because what He did not intend does not happen. Your gods do not bring chaos; you are endowing them with chaos, and accepting it of them. All this has never been. Nothing but the laws of God has ever been, and nothing but His Will, will ever be. You were created through His laws and by His Will, and the manner of your creation established you a creator. What you have made is so unworthy of you that you could hardly want it, if you were willing to see it as it is. You will see nothing at all. And your vision will automatically look beyond it, to what is in you and all around you. Reality cannot break through the obstructions you interpose, but it will envelop you completely when you let them go.

Journal
I am free regardless of the experience I have chosen. I cannot undo my Self. I can only choose to experience chaos instead of my natural state, which is peace. I am not being asked to re-make what I destroyed in my choice for separation, because nothing was destroyed. I am only being asked to accept what remains perfectly intact.

It cannot be difficult to simply accept what is true. And yet, I see that my sight is often determinedly fixed on the illusory state of being that I chose as my experience. I see separation everywhere I look. I see its affects; I see anger, fear, guilt, jealousy, sickness, all manner of suffering, and death. I see it as if it is real and true and the mind balks at the idea this is only an illusion and that the truth is its exact opposite.

This is the reason I give workshops and write about releasing guilt and accepting responsibility for our lives. I talk about how Jesus starts early, with Lesson 15 that tells us our thoughts are images we have made, and Lesson 152 that tells us that the world is a representation of our wishes. I remind myself all the time that Jesus says that we but do this to ourselves. I go back to Lesson 325 that describes the process we use to make the images that seem to be our lives.

I focus on this in my teaching because it helps me to learn to believe what Jesus tells us all through the Course. God creates the eternal and the unchanging. Nothing about us has changed even in the slightest. We remain as we were created. We are part of God and in God. Our minds are very holy, and there is nothing our holiness cannot do. And everything else is an imaginative representation of an idea that entered the mind of the Son. It is not real and could never be real no matter how realistic it seems.

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