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Study of the Text, Chapter 9, I. The Acceptance of the Atonement, P 4. 12-2-14

I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 4
4 You have imprisoned your will beyond your own awareness, where it remains, but cannot help you. When I said that the Holy Spirit’s function is to sort out the true from the false in your mind, I meant that He has the power to look into what you have hidden and recognize the Will of God there. His recognition of this Will can make it real to you because He is in your mind, and therefore He is your reality. If, then, His perception of your mind brings its reality to you, He is helping you to remember what you are. The only source of fear in this process is what you think you will lose. Yet it is only what the Holy Spirit sees that you can possibly have.

Oh my! Do you see what Jesus is saying here? In my mind is the truth, in my mind is my true will, the Will of God, and as I am willing to accept His help, the Holy Spirit looks with me and I see it, too. Because the Holy Spirit is in my mind, I become aware of my true will which is the Will of God. The only thing standing between my awareness of the truth and the separated will of ego is the fear that knowing my self is a loss.

When I think of salvation in these terms, it all seems so simple and so accessible. I hear the Voice for God very clearly and I hear it every day so I am convinced that the Holy Spirit is in my mind. Now Jesus is telling me that all He has to do to bring me to full awareness is to look into what I have hidden and recognize the Will of God there. It feels so close and so possible when I think of this. I’ve cried three times just writing this.

So this is what has been happening in my practice! I look at the thoughts and feelings that seem to make up my life and I invite the Holy Spirit to look with me. To the degree I am willing to be known, the Holy Spirit finds God there and shows It to me. I feel like a blind woman whose sight is beginning to return. Or maybe like an insane person who is coming out of her psychosis.

I have been doing exactly what I need to be doing, and I never gave thought to the miracle that is occurring. It was just a practice, and yes, it was changing everything so it was the best practice in the world, but never did I realize the true significance of that practice. It just seemed too simple to be this important.

Now the immediate ego reaction to this is to find someone to make guilty. As the rush of discovery begins to fade, the ego mind starts asking what is wrong with me? What am I waiting for? It begins to insert doubt. It starts saying that if it was really this easy, I would already be awake. Or I must not be worthy or I would already be awake. And I’m guilty for being unworthy. I am unwilling to buy into its party line, so it agrees that this can be done and someday if I keep at it, I will wake up. Same old, same old.

I am so on fire with this new understanding that I am not even interested enough to listen to the ego this morning! Look into my mind, Holy Spirit, look with me at the ego beliefs there. Show me the Will of God that is also my will. What have I got to lose? Life as I know it? That is a loss I am willing to incur, if it is a loss at all.

Here are the objections my ego self has. I am afraid I will give up reading my novels, and that I will never find out what happens next on Blue Bloods. I will never again have a normal relationship with my kids because there will be no specialness in it. They won’t feel loved by me. What else is the little self afraid of, Holy Spirit?

What if my whole life changes and I feel lost and I don’t know my place in the world? I don’t know what to expect and I am afraid when I don’t know and don’t understand and have no control. My head begins to hurt as I think about this. Holy Spirit, look with me at these thoughts and find God in them. I am showing you my thoughts, and I am waiting for you to show me the Will of God in me. Show me that the Will of God is my will. What am I? Show me the truth in my mind.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text, Chapter 9, I. The Acceptance of the Atonement, P 3. 12-1-14

I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 3
3 If you do not know what your reality is, why would you be so sure that it is fearful? The association of truth and fear, which would be highly artificial at most, is particularly inappropriate in the minds of those who do not know what truth is. All this could mean is that you are arbitrarily associating something beyond your awareness with something you do not want. It is evident, then, that you are judging something of which you are totally unaware. You have set up this strange situation so that it is impossible to escape from it without a Guide Who does know what your reality is. The purpose of this Guide is merely to remind you of what you want. He is not attempting to force an alien will upon you. He is merely making every possible effort, within the limits you impose on Him, to re-establish your own will in your awareness.

I would like to argue that I am ready for reality, to know the truth of what I am, to accept my own will in my awareness, and yet, it seems that I am not. I still sometimes cling to the ego will as if my own holy will were something to be avoided, to fear and to defend myself against. I can say this, though. I am no longer completely opposed to accepting reality. In fact, I am far more open to the truth than I ever have been.

It seems that this is all that the Holy Spirit needs from me. He simply needs me to allow Him to reestablish my own will in my awareness. I say this is what I want, but then I stop Him. My reality is that I am one with all my brothers, but when I get too close to that memory I choose to imagine a brother is my enemy.

I make an image of this desire and insert it in the life of Myron. Suddenly there is a story of betrayal and I am all into that story, hiding from myself that I chose it and put it there. Instead I get all confused, and spend time trying to see it differently, feeling victimized because it all seems so unfair, feeling discouraged because it all seems so hard.

I might ask how this is better than it ever was before, but you see, I know what I am doing. I might spend some time in confusion because I am afraid to admit my culpability, or because I simply don’t want to admit it,  but I know. I know it in my heart of hearts, and pretty quickly, I know it in my aware mind. I am learning not to fight this, but to relax into it and I’m learning not to judge it, just to be aware of it and remember that I don’t value the “right” to be a weak and miserable victim anymore.

I really am coming to my senses. I really am deciding for God more and more often. As I make this choice more often I become comfortable with it and my resistance is falling away. Something I have noticed is that I used to be totally focused on vigilantly watching my mind, learning to discern the ego thoughts from my true thoughts.

I used to be very focused on developing my will to see differently and to allow the Holy Spirit access to my mind. Now I don’t feel that hyper vigilance in the same way. I know that I want to wake up, and I am just learning to master that decision. There is no way I could back out of this now. I could never go back to ignorance. I could never want to.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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study of the Text, Chapter 9, I. The Acceptance of the Atonement, P 2. 11-28-14

I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 2
2 Your will is not the ego’s, and that is why the ego is against you. What seems to be the fear of God is really the fear of your own reality. It is impossible to learn anything consistently in a state of panic. If the purpose of this course is to help you remember what you are, and if you believe that what you are is fearful, then it must follow that you will not learn this course. Yet the reason for the course is that you do not know what you are.

“What am I?” is the question I ask the Holy Spirit frequently. I ask it whenever it comes into my mind. I especially ask this question when I feel trapped in my own beliefs. I have experienced some major shifts recently, and the ego response has been very strong. It can be very discouraging to move forward only to meet that wall of resistance.

It was helpful this morning to find a quote from Mooji on Facebook. This is what it said:

Very often, when you are guided into the direct experience of the Self
the mind rises up for its biggest fight.
But just stay put and feel the turbulence without identifying personally. 
You are likely to get annoyed with this advice as you are still inclined to protect your relationship with the mind, but try and follow my pointing and just observe with detachment.
Now is the time where you must discern what is the mind and what is You.
What is so disturbed? What is rebelling so much?
Is this your true Self? 
At this point, many give up, because the mind becomes unbearable. 
It rebels more on this path than on any other path, because on other paths the mind is included not threatened. 
But do you want to be spiritual or free?
~ Mooji
24th of November, 2014

The ego mind will fight against awakening. When I identify too closely to the ego, I forget that its thoughts and feelings are not mine. Then I become confused. Of course I become confused! It is like being two people at once, and the two people are completely opposed. I wake up with the thought that I give this day to Holy Spirit, and that thought is immediately followed by a feeling of anxiety for the coming day.

I reject the second feeling as being ego resistance to surrender. It is the ego demanding its right to make plans and decisions, and to decide what everything means. But “I” seem to be having the thoughts and the feelings and so I become discouraged.  This continues until my mind is muddled and I start to believe the ego “proof” that I am just kidding myself that I am awakening. And back and forth I go in this insane attempt to find peace in a split mind.

I pull myself out of this with the question, “What am I?” I want to know. I really want to know. I want to know my Self. I want to remember what it is to be in God and part of God, to be so completely loved that nothing can touch the certainty of love. I want this more than I want to be the director of my little kingdom of separation. While the ego insists that I am wasting my time and that I should just give up, at least for this life time, I just keep asking, “What am I?” I am not that obstinate and frightened voice of ego, that’s for sure.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text, Chapter 9, I. The Acceptance of the Atonement, P 1. 11-26-14

Chapter 9: THE ACCEPTANCE OF THE ATONEMENT

I. The Acceptance of Reality
1 Fear of the Will of God is one of the strangest beliefs the human mind has ever made. It could not possibly have occurred unless the mind were already profoundly split, making it possible for it to be afraid of what it really is. Reality cannot “threaten” anything except illusions, since reality can only uphold truth. The very fact that the Will of God, which is what you are, is perceived as fearful, demonstrates that you are afraid of what you are. It is not, then, the Will of God of which you are afraid, but yours.

The words here are very clear. I am the will of God and so to be afraid of the Will of God is really to be afraid of my own will. The confusion occurs because I still identify with ego, and the ego mind would rather incur what it thinks of as the wrath of God than to relinquish its hold on the idea of a separate will. It recognizes that to know what it truly is would end its tenuous hold on this illusory separate will.

While there is still some identity with ego, I am awakening to my true self. I am remembering what I am. My desire for that memory is growing stronger each day. It is the craziest thing to have these two voices in my mind and to be fully aware of both. When this first started happening I experienced the conflict more acutely than when I didn’t know what was going on, and it seemed things were getting worse. Over time I learned to trust the process. I then moved through the conflict to greater awareness of the truth and so to a more peaceful place.

I stayed there for awhile, and then I began to feel like I had lost it all. What seems to be happening is that I am returning to the confused mind to allow more unconscious guilt and fear to be uncovered and undone. It is not as hard now because I understand what is happening, though sometimes I get caught up in the ego story and temporarily lose my detachment. Then I become discouraged by what looks like a loss of what I had gained, but I always receive help when I ask.

It appears to be very important now that I am open to the true thoughts in my mind, and that I allow my focus to remain there as much as possible. I am not afraid of the ego thoughts I find in my mind, but I notice the tendency to be discouraged and to feel like giving up. That’s laughable when I think about it.

What would I give up, to? How would I not know the truth now that I know it? It is a ridiculous notion and so I know it is just another ego strategy to maintain the separate will. When I start feeling frustrated, I ask the question, “What am I?” This question tends to break the circular thinking of the ego. Sometimes I receive thoughts from Holy Spirit when I ask this and sometimes I receive the peace of God. But however it comes, I am reassured that I am the Will of God and there is nothing else I could be. This is true in spite of what my confusion seems to tell me.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text, Chapter 8, IX. Healing as Corrected Perception P 9,11-24-14

IX. Healing as Corrected Perception, P 9
9 The unification of purpose, then, is the Holy Spirit’s only way of healing. This is because it is the only level at which healing means anything. The re-establishing of meaning in a chaotic thought system is the way to heal it. Your task is only to meet the conditions for meaning, since meaning itself is of God. Yet your return to meaning is essential to His, because your meaning is part of His. Your healing, then, is part of His health, since it is part of His Wholeness. He cannot lose this, but you can not know it. Yet it is still His Will for you, and His Will must stand forever and in all things.

I have a chaotic thought system because my thoughts are always conflicted. There is very little that I want wholly. I want to wake up, but I also want to dream. I want to be happy, but I also want my drama. I want to be right more than I want to be happy. Now, I am moving toward a single purpose, but I have not fully accepted that this is what I want, and it is absolutely necessary that I do so. I cannot have a healed mind unless I choose a single purpose.

There really is not any question about the purpose I choose. No one can choose only ego, because reality is in my mind. In fact, the only thing in the mind that is real is God, and in spite of our desire to experience something else, we have never lost what is true. We remain as we were created, part of His Wholeness.

The healing that occurs is the release of all that we dreamed and the acceptance of all that is Reality. I am beginning to dream of a mind without conflict. Can you imagine? I know this is possible because it is what God created and it is His Will for me. Over and over I choose peace over conflict, I choose a single purpose.

How do I do this? I have spent the weekend with my brother and his wife. Mike had surgery and Rebecca has MS. He didn’t want Rebecca to be alone at night while he was in the hospital so I stayed with them. Being at the hospital with him during the day offered many opportunities to look at my belief in the body, and my belief that something outside the body could actually be cause.

This environment is built around just that concept, and as we sat there and watched the nurses and doctors and as our own stories of pain and suffering were triggered, I saw that my mind was conflicted and I had more than one purpose. At one time, my mind would have looked like a pin ball machine, with the ball bouncing all over the place leaving me confused and anxious. But through the healing of the mind I was able to do this differently.

I simply watched. I watched my desire to join in the one up-man-ship as each person told their story. I watched all the old stories in my mind that seemed to prove sickness comes from something in the world. I watched the memories of feeling frail and vulnerable. I watched all this and I was not altogether surprised at what came up, but I was also pleased to see that I also saw the truth. I gave the dark thoughts to the light. I remembered that I have one purpose and I was able to let everything else go.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text, Chapter 8, IX. Healing as Corrected Perception P 8,11-20-14

IX. Healing as Corrected Perception, P 8
8 You have surely begun to realize that this is a very practical course, and one that means exactly what it says. I would not ask you to do things you cannot do, and it is impossible that I could do things you cannot do. Given this, and given this quite literally, nothing can prevent you from doing exactly what I ask, and everything argues for your doing it. I give you no limits because God lays none upon you. When you limit yourself we are not of one mind, and that is sickness. Yet sickness is not of the body, but of the mind. All forms of sickness are signs that the mind is split, and does not accept a unified purpose.

I have to admit that sometimes it feels like I am being asked to do more than I can do. But when I think about it, I know that can’t be true. Jesus asks me to do only what he has done, and if he can do it, so can I. He is looking at it from the other side, from a point of completion, so he knows far better than I what it is that I need to do and I do trust that. Common sense, if nothing else, tells me that this is true.

When I think that I cannot do something he asks of me, I limit myself. That limit is a sickness and that sickness expresses through the body, through my relationships, my finances, all facets of this story of mine. It is the result of a mind split. It is the reason we waste our time when we try to heal the body, repair the relationship, earn more money. The sickness is not in the world, it is in the mind.

Heal the mind of the belief that it has a dual purpose, and all else is healed. I have one purpose and that is to awaken from the dream of separation and return my full mind to God. Everything that happens in my life is for that use. I become confused when I think it has another use. For instance, if I have a grievance against someone, I have a choice about how I see that grievance, that is, what purpose I give it.

If I think that the purpose of the grievance is to defend myself against this person that is one purpose. It is not in alignment with God and with my good. I also want to wake up and know only what I think with God. So my mind is split. I want two completely opposed results from this situation. I want to be free while holding this one imprisoned in the guilt I imagine is true for him. I want to be one with God while holding this guilty one outside God.

“You cannot stand in the presence of God if you attack His Son.”

This split in the mind, the attempt to hold two opposing purposes at the same time, creates enormous conflict, or sickness. This sickness is then projected outward onto my world. To heal the sickness in whatever form it takes requires that I hold only one purpose. I cannot be without my true purpose because that is fixed in my mind by God. The other purposes must go if I am to be healed. I must do this and I can do this. That is a fact. I give my faith and my trust to this fact. I am asked to do it and therefore I can do it.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text, Chapter 8, IX. Healing as Corrected Perception P 7,11-19-14

IX. Healing as Corrected Perception, P 7
7 The Bible enjoins you to be perfect, to heal all errors, to take no thought of the body as separate and to accomplish all things in my name. This is not my name alone, for ours is a shared identification. The Name of God’s Son is one, and you are enjoined to do the works of love because we share this Oneness. Our minds are whole because they are one. If you are sick you are withdrawing from me. Yet you cannot withdraw from me alone. You can only withdraw from yourself and me.

This is a very powerful paragraph as it reminds me that I and Jesus are one. We share the same identification and that identification is God’s Son. We are so much one that when I withdraw from him, I withdraw from my self. There is only one Son of God dreaming that It is many. So Myron is a dream in the mind of the Son as are all the other characters in this strange play, I am the Son of God dreaming I am Myron and every one else. This is hard to take in since I cannot imagine the vastness of the mind that can do this, and yet it is my Mind. Thus when I, as Myron, withdraw from Jesus, or from anyone else, I withdraw from my Self.

This withdrawal is no small thing. I have been given the function of saving the world. When I identify with Myron as my self, this seems like an impossible job. It seems absurd. How can I save the world when I cannot even save myself? That is why I must accept the truth of my being. I must accept that I am an eternal, Divine Being, that I am Christ, playing at being Myron. This seems mildly ridiculous to me when I am in my confused state of believing in Myron, and it seems downright scary when I am in fear. But, Jesus is telling me here, right now, that this is so. He and I are one whole, and he needs me to accept this because we have a lot of work to do.

I sit here as this body I think of as Myron, and I accept that this is an illusion. I accept that I am actually Christ and that I am the light of the world. I accept that I am perfect, and that today I heal all errors. I accept that I am one with Jesus and that our true Self must accomplish all that we are asked to do. When I get up from this writing and I go about my day, I ask that my mind be healed of the doubt that already wants to creep into the mind. I ask that the Holy Spirit, the truth in my mind, choose for God for me.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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