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Study of Text, C 14: III. The Decision for Guiltlessness, P 2. 2-24-17

III. The Decision for Guiltlessness, P 2

2 Perhaps you are accustomed to using guiltlessness merely to offset the pain of guilt, and do not look upon it as having value in itself. You believe that guilt and guiltlessness are both of value, each representing an escape from what the other does not offer you. You do not want either alone, for without both you do not see yourself as whole and therefore happy. Yet you are whole only in your guiltlessness, and only in your guiltlessness can you be happy. There is no conflict here. To wish for guilt in any way, in any form, will lose appreciation of the value of your guiltlessness, and push it from your sight.

Journal
This was an interesting paragraph when I first read it, because it had never occurred to me that I was deliberately choosing to use both guilt and guiltlessness and that I found value only in having both at my disposal. I believed that they each offered me something that I needed and so I needed to keep both. I am learning that this is not true. And I see that I cannot live with only guilt, and since I must choose only one, it is guiltlessness I choose to value.

I discovered that guilt is a surprisingly stubborn belief for something that is so painful. First I had to look at the reasons I think guilt has value to me. I asked the Holy Spirit to clarify this for me and over a period of time He pointed out my perceived need for guilt. For instance, I would get angry with my son for his behavior and think he should do better. This was me making him guilty. What was really happening is that I was afraid for him and I didn’t know what to do with my fear so I projected it onto him as guilt. This made my peace his responsibility

For a long time I didn’t know another way to deal with my fear. I just kept trying to throw it out onto someone else. Another time I saw this happen was at work. I would be concerned about losing a customer and this would make me afraid. So then I would think how ungrateful that customer was, because after all, I had done so much for him. Or I would worry about my boss’s reaction and think how ungrateful he was that he would get mad at me for something I couldn’t prevent, because after all, I had been such a good employee.

Now when I see these ideas in my mind, it is really obvious to me what I was doing as I tried to rid myself of my fear, but at the time, it wasn’t so clear. The fear clouded my mind and made a different choice difficult. It really did seem that guilt was valuable. Otherwise, what would I do with all that responsibility? I would just turn the guilt inward and that would be crushing. I couldn’t see a world with no guilt at all.

There was an underlying reason for the guilt, one that I was oblivious to for a long time. The ego mind wants to continue to exist. That part of my mind likes the stories and likes the idea of being a separate individual with separate goals and separate needs. It likes the idea of competition, of winners and losers. It likes the idea of being its own god. And this desire to play around in the separation idea, which seems to be in defiance of God, creates a lot of unconscious guilt.

The ego mind deals with this guilt through projection. It makes up guilty stories about the self or others that seem to explain away the guilt. Anything I could do, any guilty act would be more acceptable than thinking that I am guilty of defying God. Even better is if I could find someone else to blame for the guilt, but either way, projecting the guilt as a story in the life of Myron seems essential to the ego. Giving up the idea of guilt is not an option to the ego mind because guilt is the glue that holds the whole illusion in place. Ending guilt would end the ego.

The solution to guilt in whatever form it takes is simple. When I notice that I am indulging in guilt, however that might look, I ask the Holy Spirit to show me another way to see it. I ask for mind healing. After doing this for a while now, it seems the more natural response and I do it all the time. I no longer have to work at it, trying to talk myself into it. I just want peace of mind and guiltlessness will give that to me. It requires only vigilance and trust, and it requires that I choose only guiltlessness and forever give up guilt. I am willing.

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Study of Text, C 14: III. The Decision for Guiltlessness, P 1. 2-23-17

III. The Decision for Guiltlessness, P 1
1 The happy learner cannot feel guilty about learning. This is so essential to learning that it should never be forgotten. The guiltless learner learns easily because his thoughts are free. Yet this entails the recognition that guilt is interference, not salvation, and serves no useful function at all.

Journal

I have often wondered if other people have had as much trouble giving up guilt as I did. There is not a lot of belief in guilt left in my mind, but I still find some there. I did yesterday. My daughter comes to my house nearly every day right now and spends some time with me. We talk and enjoy each other’s company, and I take responsibility for the baby at least part of that time. It is a welcome relief for her.

Yesterday she was doing something with the baby and I took a few minutes to take care of some business on the computer. She came in while I was doing it, and told me she was leaving. I felt for a moment like I was guilty for making her feel less than welcome. I might have felt guilty because I was tired and wanted some alone time and it was like she read my mind. It was silly, but there it was. So I released it and went back to peace.

That is the difference now. When I see guilt, I am willing to let it go. I have been doing this study for a long time and mind watching is a big part of it. For a long time it was painful as I saw so many dark and ugly thoughts in my mind, thoughts I had never before allowed myself to acknowledge. It didn’t have to be painful. I could have looked at the thoughts like I do now, as simply something that is not true and needs to be released.

I did eventually come to realize they were not even personal, not “my” thoughts, simply thoughts within the mind that represented certain unquestioned beliefs. They looked like my thoughts because of the form they took, which seemed to apply to my particular story. They seemed like my thoughts because Myron was thinking them. As I let go of the personal aspect of the thought it became easier to let go of the guilt associated with them.

Now I no longer struggle with guilt thoughts like I used. I notice them but I don’t feel a sense of shame or fear. If any of that shows up, I realize it is just a shadow feeling, a memory of guilt. It is easier to use mind watching for healing now and I learn faster without guilt slowing me down.

The main reason I know there is still the belief in guilt in my mind is that I still think others are guilty. I will read some article in the paper or read a political statement on Facebook, and there will be a brief flirtation with guilt. No problem; I see it as an opportunity to ask the Holy Spirit to help me see differently. Accepting healing is so much easier without having to overcome the idea I am guilty for needing healing.

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Study of Text, C 14: II. The Happy Learner, P 8. 2-21-17

II. The Happy Learner, P 8

8 Behold your brothers in their freedom, and learn of them how to be free of darkness. The light in you will waken them, and they will not leave you asleep. The vision of Christ is given the very instant that it is perceived. Where everything is clear, it is all holy. The quietness of its simplicity is so compelling that you will realize it is impossible to deny the simple truth. For there is nothing else. God is everywhere, and His Son is in Him with everything. Can he sing the dirge of sorrow when this is true?

Journal

Just as Jesus tells us over and over that the darkness that seems to imprison us is nothing, he also tells us over and over that we find our release in our brother. How does that work? We release our brother and then we are released. We see in his freedom our own freedom. When we hold our brother hostage to our beliefs about him, we imprison our own mind and fail to see our own freedom.

Here is an example. I had an upsetting thought about my son yesterday. For awhile now I have been free from these kinds of thoughts. I gave them to the Holy Spirit over and over and finally left them there. But for some reason yesterday one of those negative thoughts found a sticking place in my mind. I had one unkind thought that had no basis in truth, not even in the shifting perceptions of the world. Just a stray thought, a memory of past transgressions and a “what if it is happening again” fear.

Suddenly I was right back there, judging and feeling anger and resentment and I lost the vision of my son. I traded it for the screwy perception of the ego mind. I was afraid, unhappy, sad and guilty. In other words, I saw darkness in him and I was suddenly standing in darkness and it felt awful. It only lasted a few minutes because I saw immediately what had happened and I let it go to the Holy Spirit. But for those few minutes I put him in hell and followed him there.

The opposite happens as well. Someone asked me for prayers. Their situation would seem impossible to the ego mind, but I see in that person something else, something not in trouble, not afraid, not guilty. I see them with a vision much closer to knowledge of who they really are. In that moment of clarity, I see myself with a vision much closer to knowledge of who I am. The words for this came later, but the feeling was happiness. I felt at peace and happy.

So now when I see someone behaving badly, or when I see someone depressed or angry, whenever I see someone who has forgotten who they are, I realize that is me over there. That is me expressing my untrue nature as if it is reality. That is my anger or depression being acted out by another part of the Sonship. I ask that my mind be healed of what I see in them. I ask for vision to see past the ego behaviors and to know who that is that I am looking at. And surely it is God, because God is everywhere and His Son is in Him with everything. And so It must also be in me.

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Study of Text, C 14: II. The Happy Learner, P 7. 2-20-17

II. The Happy Learner, P 7

7 The happy learner meets the conditions of learning here, as he meets the conditions of knowledge in the Kingdom. All this lies in the Holy Spirit’s plan to free you from the past, and open up the way to freedom for you. For truth is true. What else could ever be, or ever was? This simple lesson holds the key to the dark door that you believe is locked forever. You made this door of nothing, and behind it is nothing. The key is only the light that shines away the shapes and forms and fears of nothing. Accept this key to freedom from the hands of Christ Who gives it to you, that you may join Him in the holy task of bringing light. For, like your brothers, you do not realize the light has come and freed you from the sleep of darkness.

Journal

Over and over Jesus is telling us that all the darkness that holds us prisoner is nothing. It doesn’t exist except in our minds. And even there it exists only in a past which itself does not exist. There is only truth and nothing else and the truth will surely set us free. The truth is that we are holy, we are safe, we are free, we are Gods. This truth is the key that sets us free, it is the light that shines away the dark forms that make up this experience we think is our lives.

When I got a earache last week, I did not for a moment believe it was real. It felt real and hurt as if it was real, but it was simply the effect of the belief in pain and suffering. It was the ego mind’s defense against God. The earache was meant to convince me that I am a frail and vulnerable body, and that the truth is not true at all. And here is all the proof. The ego mind says that all this pain is what is real, not the nonsense about holiness.

I felt the pain and I remembered that there is nothing my holiness cannot do. I was at war only within my split mind. The part that is clinging desperately to the idea of a separate and unique and very special self, would gladly suffer pain if pain would prove its existence. But, alas, the ego mind is doomed to lose this battle. My awareness has moved slowly but steadily from the ego part of the mind to its true home, the part of the mind where the Holy Spirit resides.

There are many such skirmishes in my mind, but most are very brief and sometimes over before I have time to give it much thought. There are, however, ego strongholds that I still must stand against. I am never alone though, as the Holy Spirit is ever present in my awareness and ever at my side, answering my slightest desire for healing.

It is funny really. All this effort and all this distress, and it is already done. I have been freed from my sleep of darkness. It was done by Jesus, and in that accomplishment it was done for me as well. I fight shadows only, and all that is required of me is that I accept my brother’s gift. Dear God, please, wake me up. I long to know my freedom.

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Study of Text, C 14: II. The Happy Learner, P 6. 2-17-17

II. The Happy Learner, P 6

6 If you would be a happy learner, you must give everything you have learned to the Holy Spirit, to be unlearned for you. And then begin to learn the joyous lessons that come quickly on the firm foundation that truth is true. For what is builded there is true, and built on truth. The universe of learning will open up before you in all its gracious simplicity. With truth before you, you will not look back.

Journal

“…you must give everything you have learned to the Holy Spirit, to be unlearned for you.”

In my experience, this is the key to salvation. If I want to be saved or released from my former decision for separation, then this is the path I must take. It has worked very well so far. I learned to vigilant for my thoughts and to release each ego thought as I noticed it to the Holy Spirit for correction.

The more I did this the easier it became. As my mind got clearer, I was able to hear guidance that helped me along the way to discern the ego thoughts that before were confusing to me. I learned to recognize guilt and fear when it showed up in subtle ways. I was guided to helpful processes like the Rules for Decision.

Now I that I have accepted his help in unlearning, I am beginning to receive the joyous lessons. I am beginning to understand and accept the lessons that before were not meaningful to me, or at least that the meaning was only partially seen, and now I am seeing with a lot more clarity. For instance, the holiness lessons have taken on a power they never had before. I am learning the happy truth of who I really am. I could not accept that until I let go of a lot of who I am not.

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Study of Text, C 14: II. The Happy Learner, P 5. 2-16-17

II. The Happy Learner, P 5

5 When you teach anyone that truth is true, you learn it with him. And so you learn that what seemed hardest was the easiest. Learn to be a happy learner. You will never learn how to make nothing everything. Yet see that this has been your goal, and recognize how foolish it has been. Be glad it is undone, for when you look at it in simple honesty, it is undone. I said before, “Be not content with nothing,” for you have believed that nothing could content you. It is not so.

Journal

Jesus is telling me that the world I see is nothing and not worth my effort. It will never content me. I can try to manipulate it and control it, learn enough to overcome it, and it is all wasted effort. This is not a sad or depressing thing to learn, it is good news! I can give up all that wasted effort and turn it toward what will actually bring me joy and peace.

Here is what I have learned so far about this. When the world seems to be the problem, I turn my attention to my mind. It is the mind that makes the world and so it is the mind that must be changed if I want the world to change. I used to be confused about this. I came to accept that the mind was the cause of all I see, but if all I see is an illusion, then why change anything? Why do I care? Why do I want to change anything in the world?

Now I see that changing the world is not my goal, but in changing my mind, the world seems to change as well. This only makes sense. If the world as I see it now is a reflection of the state of my mind, then the healed mind will show me a healed world. I will have a much happier dream and that is good. I am the Son of God. I am not meant to live in poverty, chaos and despair. I am meant for love, joy and peace.

As I change my mind about the world, as I begin to accept my true nature and release the separation thoughts, the world I see will witness to this change. I have seen this happen and I know it is true. It is like the world is a perfect mirror of my mind and so I look at it to see how I am doing. Does it still reflect a desire to attack and defend? Then there are thoughts in my mind that are not healed. Is the body in pain or sick? Then there are still beliefs that need to be undone.

Because the Sonship is one whole and indivisible creation, this transformation must be inclusive. I have come to believe that it is my function to save the world through saving myself. But salvation cannot occur if any are left out. It would be like saving the body but not including certain organs because I don’t find them worthy. The body will not function and so will not be saved. I see the body of Christ in the same way. It must all be included, no part left out or it will not be saved.

So this defines my function. This perfect mirror that I think of as my life and my world will allow me to know my own salvation in relationship to the salvation I offer all parts of the Sonship. Here is an example. When my ex-husband showed up in our life recently and in a way that was uncomfortable for us all, I felt resentful. I tried to avoid him. I tried not to think about the situation when I didn’t have to. My reaction to him was like cutting the heart out of the body and then wondering why it was no longer functioning.

In trying to cut this man out of our life, it was like I was trying to cut him out of the body of Christ. Then I was trying to act as if I was still whole and functioning when I was actually limping along, and feeling the effect of my foolishness. I lost the sense of love and joy and peace that is mine when I meet its conditions, and really, there is only one condition. I must love unconditionally and universally. Excluding someone from that love is not unconditional and universal love.

When I was tired of this miserable dream, I invited the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the belief I needed to deny love to this one integral part of Self, or even that he needed to meet certain demands to receive welcome in my heart. I stopped thinking he was the problem and amputation was the answer. I stopped thinking I knew anything at all. Instead I welcomed him into my circle of love and I began to take him and the entire situation to the altar. There I allow my holiness to do its work without my input or my interference.

Will my world change because of this decision? It already has. I am at peace and that is my goal. Will the situation shift? Yes it will. I don’t know what that will look like, but I know it will be in the best interest of everyone concerned, because the Holy Spirit answers for all, not knowing us in parts. I can’t see how this will happen, but I don’t need to. I trust the process. I trust the Holy Spirit to know what I cannot know.

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Study of Text, C 14: II. The Happy Learner, P 4. 2-15-17

II. The Happy Learner, P 4

4 Like you, the Holy Spirit did not make truth. Like God, He knows it to be true. He brings the light of truth into the darkness, and lets it shine on you. And as it shines your brothers see it, and realizing that this light is not what you have made, they see in you more than you see. They will be happy learners of the lesson this light brings to them, because it teaches them release from nothing and from all the works of nothing. The heavy chains that seem to bind them to despair they do not see as nothing, until you bring the light to them. And then they see the chains have disappeared, and so they must have been nothing. And you will see it with them. Because you taught them gladness and release, they will become your teachers in release and gladness.

Journal

I know this is true but I asked Holy Spirit how to talk about it. I asked for an example and He reminded me of a time when I was dating a man I was going to later marry. He and I had a very serious disagreement on the way to play volleyball with friends. When we got there I was still reeling from our argument and I couldn’t get into the game.

The couple who lived at the house where the game was taking place were not playing either and when I went in to use their restroom, we introduced ourselves and struck up a conversation. It was a bit of a struggle for me to be friendly at first because I was still upset, but the conversation somehow turned to my study of A Course in Miracles.

This was not something I talked about casually and I cannot remember how it even came into the conversation, but they were interested and so we talked about it for a good while. They began to study it themselves, and though they soon moved away and I did not have the pleasure of joining them in the study, I felt very blessed to have been given the opportunity to introduce them to this path.

This was early in my own study and I was not accustomed to this. It made a strong impression on me, though. For one thing, once we started talking about the Course, all upset fell away as if it was nothing. Up to that point, the argument seemed like the only thing that mattered, and suddenly it lost its hold on me.

Another reason it was important is that I saw how uplifting it is to share what I am given, and how the act of sharing automatically brought me out of my ego thinking and into Spirit’s influence. I was teaching them what I had been taught, and in the process, I was learning it again, having what I knew reinforced in my mind. This is something that would be repeated many times until I knew without doubt that what I teach, I learn.

And I have often, since then, had the experience of being uplifted as I allowed the Holy Spirit to work through me. This would happen even when, or maybe especially when, the ego mind was bringing me down. I would, sometimes reluctantly, step out of myself long enough for the Holy Spirit to help me remember that the ego is not myself. I would see this happen when the words simply came and they hit their mark, and this at a time when I could not seem to help myself, much less someone else. And suddenly we are both receiving the help we need.

“And you will see it with them. Because you taught them gladness and release, they will become your teachers in release and gladness.”

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