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Study of Text, C 15: VIII. The Only Real Relationship, P 2. 5-11-18

VIII. The Only Real Relationship, P 2
2 Hear Him gladly, and learn of Him that you have need of no special relationships at all. You but seek in them what you have thrown away. And through them you will never learn the value of what you have cast aside, but still desire with all your heart. Let us join together in making the holy instant all that there is, by desiring that it be all that there is. God’s Son has such great need of your willingness to strive for this that you cannot conceive of need so great. Behold the only need that God and His Son share, and will to meet together. You are not alone in this. The will of your creations calls to you, to share your will with them. Turn, then, in peace from guilt to God and them.

Journal
Oh my! I want to answer this call from Jesus. I want to desire that the Holy Instant be all that there is. I want to share my will with my creations. I want to turn in peace from guilt. Turning from guilt is the answer to the rest and it is so simple that anyone can do it. And yet, I seem to struggle with this. It is not a struggle to notice guilt and turn away, but the struggle is that I seem to pick it back up again almost as fast as I let it go.

Even as I was thinking how much I want to do what Jesus is asking us to do in this paragraph, I realized that the moment before I was thinking that my daughter ignored my last two texts. She texted me, but it was not in answer to my questions, it was to ask me a favor. I felt resentful. This is the same thing as saying that she is guilty. It feels frustrating and discouraging that I keep doing this.

Would I turn my back on God, on Heaven, and on my creations just so that I can resent my daughter and see her as guilty? Apparently so, at least for a time until I come to my senses. Of course, I am not going to stop being vigilant for opportunities to choose again, but I will be so happy to finally convince myself that I never want to see anyone guilty again.

My efforts are making a dent in the belief in guilt. I don’t actually experience guilt as often as I used to and I always turn from it eventually and usually soon, so that is encouraging. Holy Spirit, I ask You for help. I want to give up on guilt as some kind of solution. I know that transferring my own sense of guilt to others isn’t helping and I even know that I am not guilty. How could I be? I am as God created me…still… regardless of appearances. Please purify my thoughts and heal my mind of all that is not truth. Thank you.

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Manual for Teachers: 10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P 5. 5-9-18-18

10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P 6
6 It is not difficult to relinquish judgment. But it is difficult indeed to try to keep it. The teacher of God lays it down happily the instant he recognizes its cost. All of the ugliness he sees about him is its outcome. All of the pain he looks upon is its result. All of the loneliness and sense of loss; of passing time and growing hopelessness; of sickening despair and fear of death; all these have come of it. And now he knows that these things need not be. Not one is true. For he has given up their cause, and they, which never were but the effects of his mistaken choice, have fallen from him. Teacher of God, this step will bring you peace. Can it be difficult to want but this?

Journal
I agree that it is painful to hold onto judgment. Clearly, I have no way to judge. Everything I know is just a perception and not really knowledge at all. And worse of all, when I do judge, I cause suffering. I don’t need to judge because I have within me One Who knows everything and will judge for me if I ask. Sometimes, though, it seems I will never get over this bad habit of judging. I notice so many judgmental thoughts in my mind during the course of the day.

This morning, I have decided to be more mindful of these judgments. In the past when I have noticed these thoughts, I have been giving them to the Holy Spirit to correct, but I dare say, I have not paid enough attention to this effort. Probably, I have fallen into the habit of giving lip service to the words and have not always given my attention to the importance of releasing the judgments. In releasing the judgmental thought, I am teaching myself that I want to let go of the desire to judge.

Today, I am asking the Holy Spirit to bring these judgments to my attention, and when He does so, I am fully committed to accepting correction for my errors. I don’t want to add to the misery we suffer as we keep these thoughts in our mind. I want to do this with enthusiasm and with joy knowing that I am helping us all awaken through my efforts. Letting go of the desire to judge will bring us all to the peace of God. It might seem like work to be vigilant, but the most important element in this decision is the unequivocal desire for freedom from the burden of judging. As Jesus says, “Can it be difficult to want but this?”

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Study of Text, C 15: VIII. The Only Real Relationship, P 1. 5-7-18

VIII. The Only Real Relationship
1 The holy instant does not replace the need for learning, for the Holy Spirit must not leave you as your Teacher until the holy instant has extended far beyond time. For a teaching assignment such as His, He must use everything in this world for your release. He must side with every sign or token of your willingness to learn of Him what the truth must be. He is swift to utilize whatever you offer Him on behalf of this. His concern and care for you are limitless. In the face of your fear of forgiveness, which He perceives as clearly as He knows forgiveness is release, He will teach you to remember that forgiveness is not loss, but your salvation. And that in complete forgiveness, in which you recognize that there is nothing to forgive, you are absolved completely.

Journal
“The holy instant does not replace the need for learning…”

Jesus talks about the holy instant in two ways. There is the holy instant in which we are momentarily free of all attack thoughts, all guilt and fear, that instant in which we choose forgiveness instead of guilt. We can have many of those and they seem to be cumulative in their effect. They eventually lead to the ultimate holy instant in which we see the real world. But even then, we are still learning and so we need the Holy Spirit to teach us. Jesus says this continues until the holy instant has extended far beyond time.

“He must use everything in this world for your release.”

Any little bit of willingness we give Him is used for our healing. When I first started doing the Course, I had very little faith, my willingness was weak, and my trust wavered all the time. But, the Holy Spirit used it, small that it was, and now I am strong in willingness, faith and trust. He taught me every chance He got, and I learned from Him as I was able.

“His concern and care for you are limitless.”

I cry when I read things like this in the Course, probably because I have spent so very long believing that I was not worthy of love. I think the tears are a mixture of hope and relief, hope that I am loved and relief that He won’t give up on me. The alternative is a very scary thought, indeed.

“He will teach you to remember that forgiveness is not loss, but your salvation.”

I cannot tolerate grievances anymore and I release them as quickly as I find them… for the most part. Sometimes fear gets in the way and it takes me a little longer than right away. ~smile~ But even when the ego mind is so certain that forgiveness is not warranted or even possible, I know this isn’t true. I know that this is my story, and so my responsibility. No one can write in my story except me, so there is nothing to forgive of another person. On another level, I recognize that there is no other person in my story, only projections from the mind. Either way, there is no one to be guilty of anything, just choices made and opportunities to change my mind.

“And that in complete forgiveness, in which you recognize that there is nothing to forgive, you are absolved completely.”

The only way to know you are forgiven is to forgive.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 14. 5-3-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 14

14 It is through the holy instant that what seems impossible is accomplished, making it evident that it is not impossible. In the holy instant guilt holds no attraction, since communication has been restored. And guilt, whose only purpose is to disrupt communication, has no function here. Here there is no concealment, and no private thoughts. The willingness to communicate attracts communication to it, and overcomes loneliness completely. There is complete forgiveness here, for there is no desire to exclude anyone from your completion, in sudden recognition of the value of his part in it. In the protection of your wholeness, all are invited and made welcome. And you understand that your completion is God’s, Whose only need is to have you be complete. For your completion makes you His in your awareness. And here it is that you experience yourself as you were created, and as you are.

Journal
The holy instant is the moment in which we choose forgiveness instead of guilt. I have had many instants in which I noticed guilt in my mind and brought it to the Holy Spirit. This is a regular practice of mine, something I do all the time. Do I always mean it wholeheartedly? No, probably not. But it does have a cumulative effect and each decision to do this increases my desire to be free of guilt.

I have made a number of forgiveness decisions that stand out in my mind. These were times when I wanted forgiveness rather than guilt more than anything else and the result was a true holy instant. To be honest, those times felt like a miracle because they were the ones I resisted until I had suffered so much that I had to forgive.

There is another way Jesus uses the term “holy instant” and that is the ultimate holy instant in which we choose the real world. When I say that I want to awaken or that I recognize that someone has awakened, this is what I mean. The ultimate holy instant is the moment when we awaken from the dream and experience what we are. This typically occurs when we have consistently chosen forgiveness, the realization that there is nothing to forgive. This is what Jesus is talking about in this paragraph.

In awakening completely from the dream, we no longer choose guilt and with guilt gone, there is no fear. Realizing that we are truly one, we no longer desire to have private thoughts and happily choose full communication. There is no one we would exclude from our completion. In this ultimate holy instant, we discover that we are in love, in love with God, in love with everyone and everything. We are in the real world, living the happy dream. I am very grateful to those who have gone before me in accomplishing what seemed impossible to that I would know it is possible.

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Manual for Teachers: 10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P 5. 4-30-18

10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P 5
5 Therefore lay judgment down, not with regret but with a sigh of gratitude. Now, are you free of a burden so great that you could merely stagger and fall down beneath it. And it was all illusion. Nothing more. Now can the teacher of God rise up unburdened, and walk lightly on. Yet it is not only this that is his benefit. His sense of care is gone, for he has none. He has given it away, along with judgment. He gave himself to Him Whose judgment he has chosen now to trust, instead of his own. Now he makes no mistakes. His Guide is sure. And where he came to judge, he comes to bless. Where now he laughs, he used to come to weep.

Journal
I really am convinced that I want to release judgment to the Holy Spirit. I understand that I am either receiving guidance from the Holy Spirit or the ego and I don’t value the ego’s opinion anymore. And still, I find myself judging with the ego sometimes. I don’t understand this in myself. I mean, why would I do that?

All I have to do is to ignore the ego mind and turn to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to decide for me what everything means. Then I would be free of all error, free to enjoy my life and free to awaken from the dream. Is it just a habit, or perhaps it is a lack of awareness. We make decisions continuously so it does take some vigilance to be sure I am making them with the Holy Spirit, not with the ego.

I went shopping for a new bedspread last week. It was not pleasant. I went to several stores and I had a hard time deciding. I finally settled on one that I wasn’t sure about. After bringing it home and putting on my bed, I didn’t really like it, but I felt depleted from trying to figure out which to buy and from all the running around.

Yesterday, I talked to the Holy Spirit about it. I asked Him for help in shopping so that I didn’t have to waste a lot of time on it. I had a picture in my mind about what it should look like. I went back to the same store I got the first quilt from and looked for only a few minutes when I found exactly the one I wanted. I brought it home and put it on my bed and it looks great. It is so much better if I ask Him to decide for me, even in the little things.

On the other hand, as I was asking Holy Spirit to help me find the right quilt, I had the thought to bring the one I had previously bought with me. Then I could return it at the same time I got another one, but I made the mistake of thinking about it. The ego mind couldn’t decide if that was a good idea. Maybe I wouldn’t find another one and would have to make do. It was a lot of trouble folding that heavy quilt up and … Well, I don’t even know why I didn’t bring it just in case.

Ego is not all that helpful. Now I have to make another trip. But you see what I mean about not always asking for help or not listening when I do. Could it be that there is just some bit of desire for self-determination left in my mind, some belief that deciding on my own is a really valuable thing and I don’t want to give it up? Maybe the thought is that I made Myron and I want her to be a success. God, save me from such foolish ideas.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 13. 4-27-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 13
13 Forgiveness lies in communication as surely as damnation lies in guilt. It is the Holy Spirit’s teaching function to instruct those who believe communication to be damnation that communication is salvation. And He will do so, for the power of God in Him and you is joined in a real relationship so holy and so strong, that it can overcome even this without fear.

Journal
I was watching a YouTube of Byron Katie this morning (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0YaHxO5A8k&feature=youtu.be) She began the talk with an example of a mother being angry with her child for spilling her milk. The mother says, “I told you to be careful. What’s wrong with you.” Katie points out that the child hears, “There’s something wrong with me.”

I’ve done this before. I used to do it when I was younger in pretty much this same way. I had to forgive myself for my error, and through forgiving myself for what I did, I am able now to not do this as much. I say as much because I still do it in a different way. I won’t tell my friend or child that there is something wrong with them when they make an error, but I might show my disappointment in some way that lets them know they are not living up to my expectations.

This behavior now is much rarer and is going away completely as I continue to forgive. But, as Katie pointed out, doing this is a form of violence and I don’t want to contribute to violence by letting my violent words to go out into the world. Violence is not communication; it is the opposite of communication. I had to ask myself a question this morning. Why it is that even though I know better and want to do better, sometimes I still use words that condemn rather than communicate.

As a young mother, I was afraid of failing at my job. I was afraid that I would not bring my child up right and I had good reason to be afraid. I had no idea how to be a mother. I just copied what my mom did even though she often wasn’t a good role model for motherhood any more than her mother was for her.

I often yelled at my kids, especially the first two when I was especially young and ignorant, and I said things that didn’t help. I failed to communicate with love because I didn’t understand that love is powerful and the only real form of communication there is. I stuck with fear and guilt because I understood fear and guilt and it was love that I was afraid of.

Those times when I still use fear or guilt to control, it is still out of fear. It is because I think I must. For instance, if I think my daughter is not protecting her child the way I think she should, I might point out this error, or try to find a way to say it that will not upset her. Maybe I will just frown. But the point is that I want to control her as a mother and I seem to think that making her feel inadequate to the job is a good way to do this. Jeez!

So I treasure the miscommunication and fear communication. But I am learning to see this in myself, to recognize what is happening and why, and to realize that I no longer believe that fear and guilt and control will make me happy. When I see I have failed to communicate, I stop myself right there if I can, or I undo what I had done as soon as I notice it. Thanks to God, I do not have to do this alone. The Holy Spirit will instruct me and as Jesus says, “He will do so, for the power of God in Him and you is joined in a real relationship so holy and so strong, that it can overcome even this without fear.

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Manual for Teachers: 10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P4. 4-26-18

10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P 4
4 Remember how many times you thought you knew all the “facts” you needed for judgment, and how wrong you were! Is there anyone who has not had this experience? Would you know how many times you merely thought you were right, without ever realizing you were wrong? Why would you choose such an arbitrary basis for decision-making? Wisdom is not judgment; it is the relinquishment of judgment. Make then but one more judgment. It is this: There is Someone with you Whose judgment is perfect. He does know all the facts; past, present and to come. He does know all the effects of His judgment on everyone and everything involved in any way. And He is wholly fair to everyone, for there is no distortion in His perception.

Journal

I really get this. I agree that I don’t have all the facts, not ever, and so I have no way to judge accurately anything. I accept that I do have the Holy Spirit right here in my mind and He does know everything and will judge for me. I have had that experience and often. I know how to become still and let Him remove what is not true from my mind. I know how to relinquish my own judgments and surrender to Him. I do it a lot

I would say at this point in my life, judgment is just a bad habit, and one I am working to break. I am asking the Holy Spirit to help me be aware of any judgmental thoughts in my mind today. I ask that He show me judgment in whatever forms it might take. I know that sometimes I judge myself more harshly than I ever would anyone else. I know that sometimes judgment sounds like an attack thought, and sometimes it sounds like fear.

I want to be aware of these judgments so that I can allow them to be removed and I can be free of them. This produces an emptiness into which the Holy Spirit can reveal the truth. Since I am having to ask for this help even in being aware of the desire to judge, I suspect that in addition to habitual thinking that there must be some belief left in my mind that judging is a valuable right that I don’t want to give up. Holy Spirit, please remove that belief from my mind. It doesn’t even make sense.

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