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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 8. 4-10-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 8
8 Yet they only seem to be together. For relationships, to the ego, mean only that bodies are together. It is always this that the ego demands, and it does not object where the mind goes or what it thinks, for this seems unimportant. As long as the body is there to receive its sacrifice, it is content. To the ego the mind is private, and only the body can be shared. Ideas are basically of no concern, except as they bring the body of another closer or farther. And it is in these terms that it evaluates ideas as good or bad. What makes another guilty and holds him through guilt is “good.” What releases him from guilt is “bad,” because he would no longer believe that bodies communicate, and so he would be “gone.”

Journal
I remember believing that only bodies communicate. Even after studying the Course for a long time, I believed that, though, I didn’t realize it at the time. When one of my sons came home for a visit I would be happy because his body was here and when he left I would be sad. Same thing happened with my daughters, but the feeling wasn’t as intense because their bodies lived nearer my body and I could see them anytime I wanted to.

It’s different now. I know that they live in my mind and so I never lose them when their bodies are not here. I do miss them if it has been a long time since I have seen them, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all. I long to look at their sweet faces and to hug them close, but it isn’t that sickening sense of loss I used to feel and the feeling passes quickly. I can envision the day when this belief is completely healed.

I can also remember a time when I still tried to hold a person through guilt. I felt the loss of the body of a loved one so acutely that I was willing to use guilt or fear or anything else to keep him tied to me. Those were dark days and I am so grateful for what I have learned through the practice of the Course. It seems those days are behind me.

Still, I put my belief that only minds truly communicate to the test. I think what it would be like for me if I knew for a fact that my children loved me deeply, but never again saw me or spoke to me. Would the communication afforded by that love be enough, or would I feel bereft, and I know I would so there is still more healing to be done.

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Manual for Teachers: 9. ARE CHANGES REQUIRED IN THE LIFE SITUATION OF GOD’S TEACHERS? P 1. 4-9-18

9. ARE CHANGES REQUIRED IN THE LIFE SITUATION OF GOD’S TEACHERS? P 1
1 Changes are required in the minds of God’s teachers. This may or may not involve changes in the external situation. Remember that no one is where he is by accident, and chance plays no part in God’s plan. It is most unlikely that changes in attitudes would not be the first step in the newly made teacher of God’s training. There is, however, no set pattern, since training is always highly individualized. There are those who are called upon to change their life situation almost immediately, but these are generally special cases. By far the majority are given a slowly evolving training program, in which as many previous mistakes as possible are corrected. Relationships in particular must be properly perceived, and all dark cornerstones of unforgiveness removed. Otherwise the old thought system still has a basis for return.

Journal

I remember when I first started getting serious about the Course and fully committed to it. One thought that caused me distress was the idea that God would take me away from my family. I worried about that until I finally came to peace about it, having given the issue to the Holy Spirit and having decided that I step out on faith and with trust and would go where I was called to go. As it turned out, I was not one of the few who was called to change their outer life drastically. But I am glad that I dealt with that fear and watched it disappear as I let go of the outcome.

I still would not like to leave my family, but I am still committed to being fully available to the Holy Spirit, but not to any person. If a teacher said I needed to upend my life and follow him or her, I would ask Holy Spirit what He would have me do, and follow my heart, which always follows Spirit.  There is no need to travel anywhere to find God because He is already in me and I am in Him.

What has been necessary is that I follow the training program given me for the purpose of healing my mind. I am completely dedicated to that. I want to correct as many mistakes as I can. I welcome the situations that trigger my thinking errors because it is now that I undo what was done in the past. These situations arise in my mind for that purpose alone.

There is no room in my mind for grievances or attack thoughts or judgments. When I see evidence of defensiveness on my part, I immediately sit with the Holy Spirit until I feel that I have left it with Him. I do my best to heal all relationships and it is a joy to do this. Sometimes I think it would take a miracle to heal a relationship and that is very exciting because, through the Love that is God within me, I have access to just such a miracle.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 7. 4-6-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 7
7 In such insane relationships, the attraction of what you do not want seems to be much stronger than the attraction of what you do want. For each one thinks that he has sacrificed something to the other, and hates him for it. Yet this is what he thinks he wants. He is not in love with the other at all. He merely believes he is in love with sacrifice. And for this sacrifice, which he demands of himself, he demands that the other accept the guilt and sacrifice himself as well. Forgiveness becomes impossible, for the ego believes that to forgive another is to lose him. It is only by attack without forgiveness that the ego can ensure the guilt that holds all its relationships together.

Journal

This is an interesting paragraph. I was talking to someone this morning about forgiveness in relationships. I used my own past relationship with my ex-husband as an example. I had grievances against him for several behaviors and even though I knew I needed to forgive him, I resisted for a long time.

In examining my resistance it seemed to me that it was fear driven. I thought that if I forgave his behavior, I would be defenseless against future behavior of the same sort. It would be like saying to him that his behavior was acceptable and I was all right with it. Then I would only be hurt again. Of course, my decision he was guilty and my defenses against him never changed anything so they were ineffective, but for a long time, I clung to them as if they were my salvation.

That explanation does make sense on the level of the world. But Jesus is telling us that there is a hidden agenda. He is saying that the entire relationship was founded on sacrifice, which leads to hate. The whole thing is glued together with guilt. And this is what we call love in this world.

My story was that I found him attractive in various ways and fell in love with him. Then I discovered all these unattractive traits in him and felt betrayed by him as if he had lied to me about who he was, and so the relationship ended. He probably had a similar story. What actually happened is that I saw in him something I wanted and so I took that. He saw something he wanted in me and he took that. Each of us felt like we had sacrificed ourselves to the other and what we called love was revealed as hatred.

I was trying to understand this through my past relationship. When I met this man, I wanted a number of things from him. I wanted to be taken care of, I wanted loyalty, I wanted to be his one and only, I wanted to be special to him. He liked being with people and having a good time, and since I was not very social, this was intriguing to me. So I also wanted him to take me into his circle of friends so that I could have that experience, too. My hidden agenda was to have someone to blame and project onto, and someone to receive my sacrifice.

I don’t know what he thought he wanted from me, but he had his own list in addition to the hidden list. Everything was fine as long as we were satisfying each other’sso needs, but as often happens, the special love eventually revealed itself for the sacrifice and hatred that it really always is. He got tired of me being his everything and tired of proving to me how special I was. The social affairs and the parties began to feel less intriguing and more of a bore to me.

We were not holding up our end of the bargain and so the bargain began to fall apart. Instead of the sacrifices we made for each other feeling like love, they began to feel like a burden and the resentment soon turned to hatred. He would behave badly and I would try to manipulate him with guilt and shame. It all seemed so reasonable and even necessary when I was lost in my fear, but looking back on it, I see only the inevitable fate of a special relationship that has not been surrendered to the Holy Spirit for healing.

Not all special relationships end up in divorce and some end fairly amicably and others are far worse than mine, and some continue. But the elements are all there if we care to look; there are sacrifice and hatred, fear and guilt. Even in my closest relationships, I have seen this. My relationships with my children are very special and while there is real love there, there is also sacrifice, hatred, and guilt.

For instance, I have thought that my child should sacrifice his time to me, call me visit me, and I have hated him or her when they didn’t. Hate seems like such an ugly word, but resent is just another more acceptable way to say hate.

In lesson 21, Jesus says, “You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury.” The same idea applies here. Resentment is nothing but a veil drawn over intense hatred. And I have even tried to control and manipulate through guilt in order to keep the sacrifices coming.

The special relationship is an ugly thing when we really look at it and that is probably why we don’t like to look. But, I did look and I keep looking and when I find the elements of fear, guilt, rage, hatred, and sacrifice in my relationships, I forgive it. I give the relationship to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to purify it so that only the love is left.

Now, that relationship with my ex-husband is healed and I feel nothing but love for him. My relationships with my children are mostly healed and I stay vigilant for any indication that there is something to forgive in the relationship. I still find myself slipping back into sacrifice and guilt, but practice accepting the Atonement for that has made the job easier and the exchange of specialness for holiness so much more desirable.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Manual for Teachers: 8. HOW CAN PERCEPTION OF ORDER OF DIFFICULTIES BE AVOIDED? P 6. 4-4-18

8. HOW CAN PERCEPTION OF ORDER OF DIFFICULTIES BE AVOIDED? P 6
6 The body’s eyes will continue to see differences. But the mind that has let itself be healed will no longer acknowledge them. There will be those who seem to be “sicker” than others, and the body’s eyes will report their changed appearances as before. But the healed mind will put them all in one category; they are unreal. This is the gift of its Teacher; the understanding that only two categories are meaningful in sorting out the messages the mind receives from what appears to be the outside world. And of these two, but one is real. Just as reality is wholly real, apart from size and shape and time and place-for differences cannot exist within it-so too are illusions without distinctions. The one answer to sickness of any kind is healing. The one answer to all illusions is truth.

Journal
I love how simple Jesus makes this. In sorting what we see there are only two categories, real and unreal. When my eyes show me a sick body, the ego mind makes a series of decisions to determine that it knows something about that person. What is the sickness, how sick are they, is it contagious, who is guilty, and other things. It uses these categories to decide if the person can be or even should be healed.

When my mind is healed my eyes still show me a sick body but the mind ignores that. It doesn’t acknowledge any distinctions in form or severity. The healed mind decides it is not true and therefore sees only God’s unchanging creation. The healed mind sees only the Will of God. As I am able to do that, I consider it a prayer. If I am completely unaffected by the ego image of a sick body, then the light in my mind can ignite the light in the other person’s mind and a miracle is given.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 6. 4-3-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 6
6 In one way or another, every relationship the ego makes is based on the idea that by sacrificing itself, it becomes bigger. The “sacrifice,” which it regards as purification, is actually the root of its bitter resentment. For it would prefer to attack directly, and avoid delaying what it really wants. Yet the ego acknowledges “reality” as it sees it, and recognizes that no one could interpret direct attack as love. Yet to make guilty is direct attack, although it does not seem to be, For the guilty expect attack, and having asked for it they are attracted to it.

Journal
How is it the ego attacks indirectly? I had to think about this because it was not immediately obvious to me. So I considered a relationship with a friend. She is a good friend and I love her. But sometimes, she calls me at an inconvenient time and I answer because she is my friend, but I really don’t want to talk. In other words, I sacrifice my desires to her desires, and even though I will probably enjoy the conversation, I feel resentful of the sacrifice. This is an indirect attack, which Jesus says is really a direct attack.

The problem with attack is that it is not discreet. If I have attack thoughts in my mind, I will expect attack and those are the images that will make up my life. I will interpret the actions of others as attack because I believe in attack. Here is a time that happened to me. I had a visit from a relative and I enjoyed our time together, which was very loving. But when she left, something she said and her general attitude made me doubt her sincerity. I began to feel like she didn’t really care about me and was just visiting out of duty.

This was crazy. There was no real reason to think so. But once the mind got going, I imagined all sorts of reasons this would be true and there was a lot of guilt involved. I saw this happening and knew that I had asked the ego to interpret her parting remarks and this is what it came up with because the ego always attacks and always finds guilt. It was easy to turn it around, and I did so. But, it was a good reminder that attack begets attack and destroys peace. This is why I cannot have attack thoughts and why I am vigilant for them and quick to bring them to the Light for healing.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 5. 3-30-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 5
5 It is this chain that binds the Son of God to guilt, and it is this chain the Holy Spirit would remove from his holy mind. For the chain of savagery belongs not around the chosen host of God, who cannot make himself host to the ego. In the name of his release, and in the Name of Him Who would release him, let us look more closely at the relationships the ego contrives, and let the Holy Spirit judge them truly. For it is certain that if you will look at them, you will offer them gladly to Him. What He can make of them you do not know, but you will become willing to find out, if you are willing first to perceive what you have made of them.

Journal

All relationships are special until we look at them and decide that we want the holy relationship instead. We have no idea how to do this or even what it looks like once accomplished, but if we are willing to find out, it will be done for us. It seems to take some time and some effort on our part; at least that has been my experience.

Our part is to first look honestly at the relationship in its present state. What is the relationship for? So many times when I have looked into my own mind in complete honesty, I have seen that the relationship was a way to get what I thought I did not have. There was no way this could end well unless I let that neediness go to the light, which is our other part of shifting the relationship.

I used to be so proud of my children’s accomplishments. I am sure I bored everyone to tears as I extolled on their virtues. I thought this meant I loved them, but I finally understood that I was using them to prove what I didn’t really believe, that I must be a good mother since they turned out so well. I did not get in touch with the actual love until I saw what I was doing and allowed the Holy Spirit to heal the mind of my need. Then I was free to simply love them without these conditions.

As I look back at all the relationships I have had in my life, I see that they were all special and they all filled some perceived need I imagined I had. It is not pleasant to look like this. I seemed to be a selfish person but I was only a confused and frightened person. As I kept bring these relationships to the Holy Spirit, they began to heal and I am having different experiences.

As the relationships shift, they have a new purpose. Instead of using them to prop up a sagging ego, my relationships are beautiful shared experiences, perhaps not the love that is of God, but a much closer reflection of that love.

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Manual for Teachers: 8. HOW CAN PERCEPTION OF ORDER OF DIFFICULTIES BE AVOIDED? P 5. 3-29-18

8. HOW CAN PERCEPTION OF ORDER OF DIFFICULTIES BE AVOIDED? P 5
5 There can be no order of difficulty in healing merely because all sickness is illusion. Is it harder to dispel the belief of the insane in a larger hallucination as opposed to a smaller one? Will he agree more quickly to the unreality of a louder voice he hears than to that of a softer one? Will he dismiss more easily a whispered demand to kill than a shout? And do the number of pitchforks the devils he sees carrying affect their credibility in his perception? His mind has categorized them all as real, and so they are all real to him. When he realizes they are all illusions they will disappear. And so it is with healing. The properties of illusions which seem to make them different are really irrelevant, for their properties are as illusory as they are.

Journal

This makes so much sense. An illusion is an illusion regardless of the form it takes and so healing is simply choosing to disregard the appearance of the illusion and to insist on the truth being made manifest. Maybe, like this: There is no headache, just the appearance of a headache, which I am not interested in. There is only Love and Love doesn’t hurt. Love is joyful and peaceful and that is all that is really going on right now and all I care to have in my awareness.

So if it is so simple and so easy, why does healing often feel so hard? Why is pain so persistent? I have let go of the belief in a number of different pains and after I worked my way through the first one, just being vigilant and persistent in what I knew must be true, the rest have been a lot easier. But, sometimes, I can’t do it. Why is that?

Jesus assures us that the illusion is the effect of a belief and one hallucination is as easy to deny as the next. What is the problem, then? I know it is not that I still believe that I “catch” sickness or I react to my environment in painful ways, or even that my DNA caused it. My mind just doesn’t go there anymore, not with any degree of conviction, anyway. I know that the only thing that can cause sickness are my beliefs. So, just change my beliefs, right? Easy-peasy!

Only sometimes it is not so easy. One thing I noticed is that I do believe that some hallucinations are harder to dispel or maybe it is just that I still identify with the body to such a degree that I can’t quite believe that the pain is not there, that the pain is actually in my mind as a belief in pain. For instance, I can almost always dismiss headaches and small burns and cuts. The pain fades and the injury heals easily. But when the pain is severe, I become afraid and my fear drives me rather than my holy mind.

Another thing I notice is that sometimes I still value the sickness. I think the sickness has something to offer me. It provides me with proof that I am loved and cared for as my family expresses sympathy and offers to help. I have had to discuss this ridiculous notion with the Holy Spirit more than once, along with the idea that being sick is the only way to get any rest, another value sickness holds. When I catch myself doing these things, I laugh it off and get on with things.

A harder one to catch though is the belief I am guilty and guilt calls for punishment. Simply put, I might still believe that sickness and pain can act as self-inflicted punishment that wards off even harsher punishment from God. Could I still believe that?? Surely, not. But, I think that unconsciously, I use pain and sickness as a defense against God. It keeps the story going and my personal self will intact. Sigh.

Nothing is happening with this story and this body right now, nothing at all. It is just an ancient memory playing over and over in my mind. There is no sickness or pain-filled body. There is just the memory of one. What I can do and what I am supposed to do is to recognize that this is true. I am remembering something that only appeared to happen eons ago.

Now, I can stop participating in this seemingly endless groundhog day by refusing to believe in it. When I have the opportunity to choose to believe in the sickness or the pain, I turn from the illusion and ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of all these forms of sick thinking, and, very likely, the body will follow suit. Even if it doesn’t, I am lessening the burden of the belief in sickness from the collective mind every time I make that decision.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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