Together, We Light the Way

Click link to go to:
Together We Light the Way Index

Study of Text, Chapter 9, VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P 3. 4-9-15

VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P
3 The ego does not understand the difference between grandeur and grandiosity, because it sees no difference between miracle impulses and ego-alien beliefs of its own. I told you that the ego is aware of threat to its existence, but makes no distinctions between these two very different kinds of threat. Its profound sense of vulnerability renders it incapable of judgment except in terms of attack. When the ego experiences threat, its only decision is whether to attack now or to withdraw to attack later. If you accept its offer of grandiosity it will attack immediately. If you do not, it will wait.

Journal
This morning I am thinking about grandiosity as attack. Why are these two ideas connected? Is attack always associated with grandiosity? I thought about the idea that I am a very good sales person. I saw that just that thought is an attack on myself. As soon as I say it, I think of times when I haven’t succeeded in sales, and I feel a tinge of fear that it is not always true or that I will fail in the future. I have defined myself in a way that is not shifts and changes and so it will always produce fear.

Then there is also the attack on others. When I see myself as a good sales person it is a comparative judgment. I am good compared to someone who is not so good. That is a subtle attack, but attack always produces fear. What if someone better comes along, as inevitably happens? Then comparatively, I am not so good.

Sometimes the attack is more overt as I try to make the other person look incompetent, so that I look better. When that happens I feel worse, but then project it onto the competition so that I can see it as someone else’s fault, which is just another way to attack. Regardless, I must always be trying harder so that I don’t lose my standing. My life will have a constant low level of stress even when things are going well.

More important than any of that is that competition increases the sense of separation that is the source of all attack. To be better than, I must be separate from, and this is painful even when I am not aware of the source of the pain. Separation in any form is separation from God and even though that is an impossibility, that feeling of being separate from God is the cause of all suffering. Clearly, anything that causes stress, anxiety, fear or suffering of any kind or degree is an attack. Anything, which increases my sense of separation, is an attack. Grandiosity does both things.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Study of Text, Chapter 9, VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P 2. 4-8-15

VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P 2
2 Grandiosity is always a cover for despair. It is without hope because it is not real. It is an attempt to counteract your littleness, based on the belief that the littleness is real. Without this belief grandiosity is meaningless, and you could not possibly want it. The essence of grandiosity is competitiveness, because it always involves attack. It is a delusional attempt to outdo, but not to undo. We said before that the ego vacillates between suspiciousness and viciousness. It remains suspicious as long as you despair of yourself. It shifts to viciousness when you decide not to tolerate self-abasement and seek relief. Then it offers you the illusion of attack as a “solution.”

Journal
I have really been reviewing some of my uses for grandiosity since yesterday. Memories of past behaviors and present day attempts to counteract my littleness just pop up in my awareness and I see what Jesus is talking about here. “Thank you, Brother, for this help.” Here is a memory that was perfect for understanding what happens with the grandiosity and why it happens. I truly saw that it was a cover for despair, despair that I was lost and didn’t know how to be found.

The memory was from many years ago, long before A Course in Miracles. I used to study astrology through the courses offered by the Rosicrucian’s.  I was good at the study part, but only so-so at the ability to discern the deeper meanings. But it kept me busy and I enjoyed it. I was showing my sister in law a chart I had made and was explaining what each placement indicated.

There was something in the chart I was having trouble interpreting and she said something that was very perceptive. I distinctly remember feeling attacked. How could she know more than me when she had never studied and when this was her first look at astrology. I brushed her off and closed the book. The image that I had made for myself as “the one who knows” was threatened by her desire to join with me in this pursuit.

Immediately, I felt ashamed and for a long time after felt that shame acutely whenever I thought about it. I also came to regret the opportunity lost to share this study with her. Later, through doing the Lessons and studying the Course, I understood why I reacted the way I did and I forgave myself. Now when I think of that time, I see it as a valuable learning opportunity. Today, it is a good example, a way to understand this paragraph.

I still have moments of grandiosity, but as I notice them, I also realize why I felt that way, what I was trying to cover up, and I know that the littleness I am afraid of is an illusion. I am able to allow healing so much faster now, and am even able most times to undo what I did if in my fear I actually spoke aloud. For instance, if that incident with my sister in law had happened now, I would have very quickly turned it around and asked her to tell me more. I would probably even tell her how impressed I am with her.

Another time I have seen grandiosity in myself is after giving a good talk. My adrenaline would be going and I would feel so successful that I had done a good job and people liked what I said. Often afterward I would say something that I would later regret because it came from the excited ego.

This doesn’t happen as much anymore because I have become clear that the only thing I can say that matters comes not from me, but through me. I ask what it is I am to say. I remind myself frequently to check in to be sure I am being an open channel and not adding from my ego. I might still feel the physical affect of adrenal in the body and I often feel joy that occurs from that close connection with Spirit. But the ego part is not there and that is such a relief.

When the ego is running the show I am in grandiosity rather than in my grandeur. I might do just fine during the talk because I always do put Spirit in charge of that, but it is afterward when someone says how much they enjoyed it and how much it helped them that the ego tries to slip in and take credit for it and that is not a pleasant feeling, and the results are often disappointing as well.

When I am allowing only Spirit to be in charge, I don’t care about how it is accepted. I am there only to be truly helpful and I trust that I have been. Even if someone were to dispute what I said it would only mean that it was helpful in a way neither that person nor I could discern at this time. Basically, what anyone thinks, good or bad, is none of my business. When I know this, there is no desire to defend anything. What happens then is that whatever is said to me I see as love, regardless of the words.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Study of Text, Chapter 9, VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P 1. 4-7-15

VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity

1 Grandeur is of God, and only of Him. Therefore it is in you. Whenever you become aware of it, however dimly, you abandon the ego automatically, because in the presence of the grandeur of God the meaninglessness of the ego becomes perfectly apparent. When this occurs, even though it does not understand it, the ego believes that its “enemy” has struck, and attempts to offer gifts to induce you to return to its “protection.” Self-inflation is the only offering it can make. The grandiosity of the ego is its alternative to the grandeur of God. Which will you choose?


Journal
I have slipped in and out of grandeur, sometimes the “however dimly” type, and occasionally, something closer to reality.  I notice each time that it is the ego mind offering me its dubious gifts that draws my attention back to the illusion. I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting this, even the subtle call of the dream. I often remind myself of what is happening, even as it is happening. I say to myself, “This is the ego trying to entice me back into the dream.” Sometimes that snaps me out of it, and sometimes it is an opportunity to ask for help with it.

I have a card that I am carrying with me today. It has three statements of truth on it. I carry this with me today to reinforce this truth. I will look at it periodically, and especially if I notice myself choosing ego. It says:

Spirit am I, a holy son of God, free of all limits, safe and healed and whole, free to forgive, and free to save the world. And, God Himself is incomplete without me. And, My mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.

Since I wrote that card out and contemplated the power of those words, the ego has been working overtime to get my attention. As I was getting ready for work, I became aware of the ego chatter that still goes on in my mind, especially at times like this. That chatter is the ego attempt to pull me away from the truth of my being and back to the ego idea of life.

I was thinking of work, and I was having this imaginary conversation with my boss defending my image as a really good sales person. The ego likes this one because it has actual proof that this true and because I used to care so much about this. Because I have lost interest in seeing myself as a good sales person, I soon grow bored with this inner conversation and that’s when I notice that this is the ego offering me grandiosity in place of the grandeur of the words in the statement of truth on my card.

As soon as I stop listening to how great my salesperson image is, the ego tries its scare tactics. If I stop caring about sales, I will suffer for it. I will lose customers and wind up getting fired before I am ready to retire. And anyway, who would I be without my salesperson image? And that’s when it offers me another grandiose image; you would be an awesome minister and course teacher. You would write books everyone would want to read. People would be lining up to become your student.

Well, I am exaggerating because if it were that blatant I would just laugh. But though it is subtler, that is the image the ego offers. It would make of my ministry just another way to be separate and attack my brothers. It says that it will be worth my soul to be seen as grand. There was a time when I believed everything the ego promised and every threat it made. There was a time when I lived for the achievements regardless of the cost to my brothers, no matter who I had to attack to get that win. And I suffered equally when I failed as I inevitably would, because an achievement made at the expense of another is no achievement.

What is helpful to me is that I now recognize the ego chatter about my image and how I must defend it for what it is. I might get briefly interested in what it has to say, but I always change my mind. Even its fear tactics are not enough to pull me away from my purpose, at least not for long. I have seen the light, as they say. And in that light I see that it is easy to distinguish the difference between grandiosity and grandeur.  I am willing to know the truth and accept it. I am going to remind myself often, today, of what I am. I am going to be vigilant for the ego chatter that offers me something else and I am going to release it.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Study of Text, Chapter 9, VII. The Two Evaluations P 8. 4-6-15

VII. The Two Evaluations, P 8
8 Whenever you question your value, say:
God Himself is incomplete without me.
Remember this when the ego speaks, and you will not hear it. The truth about you is so lofty that nothing unworthy of God is worthy of you. Choose, then, what you want in these terms, and accept nothing that you would not offer to God as wholly fitting for Him. You do not want anything else. Return your part to Him, and He will give you all of Himself in exchange for the return of what belongs to Him and renders Him complete.

Journal
How do I stop hearing the ego voice? I remember that God Himself is incomplete without me. What could the ego say that could matter to me, that could mean anything? The ego is busy telling me how separate and alone I am, and thinking of ways to make that better. Invite folks over, finagle an invitation to a party or out to eat, manipulate folks into being with me. But the problem is made up as are the ineffective solutions. How could I be alone when I am one with all of creation and with the Creator of all?

The ego tries to convince me that I am guilty and brings up bad behavior from the past and possible sins of the future. Then it tries to fix it all, by rewriting the past in my mind, by making it someone else’s fault, by planning carefully, thinking ahead what I will say or do so I look innocent. But again, the problem is not real and needs no solution. I am innocent because that is how God created me. Nothing in this illusion can alter that fact. As I am innocent so is everyone else.

The ego points out all I lack and all I have lost. It warns me of losses to come. It offers me all sorts of plans to compensate for losses and to ward off future loss. But how can the Son of God lack anything? How can he lose anything? Let me remember always to turn away from these foolish thoughts of loss, lack, guilt, loneliness and all the other “gifts” of the ego. I would bring nothing to myself that I would not share with God.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Study of Text, Chapter 9, VII. The Two Evaluations, P 7. 4-2-15

VII. The Two Evaluations, P 7
7 I have said that the ego does not know what a real question is. Lack of knowledge of any kind is always associated with unwillingness to know, and this produces a total lack of knowledge simply because knowledge is total. Not to question your littleness therefore is to deny all knowledge, and keep the ego’s whole thought system intact. You cannot retain part of a thought system, because it can be questioned only at its foundation. And this must be questioned from beyond it, because within it its foundation does stand. The Holy Spirit judges against the reality of the ego’s thought system merely because He knows its foundation is not true. Therefore, nothing that arises from it means anything. He judges every belief you hold in terms of where it comes from. If it comes from God, He knows it to be true. If it does not, He knows that it is meaningless.

Journal
There are two things I want to take away from this paragraph. One is that to question any part of my current thought system is to question it all, and to keep any part of it is to keep it all. If I believe that the neighbor who turns out to be a pedophile is guilty, then I will never believe that I am innocent, even if I believe that every other being on earth is innocent.

If I believe that my neighbor who doesn’t cut his grass often enough is guilty then I will never know that I am innocent, even if I believe that everyone else is innocent. If I judge either of those two neighbors, and only those two and no one else, judgment is still part of my belief system and I will always judge myself and believe others are judging me.

Thought systems are not a buffet line. I don’t get to pick and choose, to believe in one moment and when inconvenient to believe, in the next moment, disbelieve. Belief systems are whole. To believe any part of it is to believe it all. I have moments when I wholly believe what Holy Spirit tells me about my true nature and in that moment I am in Heaven, both figuratively and actually. But in any one moment I cannot hold two different systems in my mind, and to be happy, I must stop jumping from one to the other.

The other thing I will take from this paragraph is the simplicity of Holy Spirit’s judgment. He has one criteria to judge my beliefs. If it comes from God it is true and if it comes from ego it is meaningless. Because it is simple and straight forward it is easy to understand and simple to live by. The ego mind would make it very complicated and impossible to understand as it argued for exceptions and justifications. The spiritual ego would throw out desperate excuses for the one it could not forgive instead of simply knowing that if it did not come from God it is not real and so there is nothing to forgive.

I cannot yet reliably know what is real and what is not within my thought system because I am still too identified with ego. But the Holy Spirit is the truth in my mind and He will choose for me if I ask Him to. That is His function and He never fails to respond when I ask. I only need to notice when I am unhappy and realize that is not God’s Will so I must be thinking something God would not think. Then I ask that my mind be healed. I ask that my thoughts be corrected and that I see differently. I ask for the Atonement.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Study of Text, Chapter 9, VII. The Two Evaluations, P 6. 4-1-15

VII. The Two Evaluations, P 6
6 You cannot evaluate an insane belief system from within it. Its range precludes this. You can only go beyond it, look back from a point where sanity exists and see the contrast. Only by this contrast can insanity be judged as insane. With the grandeur of God in you, you have chosen to be little and to lament your littleness. Within the system that dictated this choice the lament is inevitable. Your littleness is taken for granted there and you do not ask, “Who granted it?” The question is meaningless within the ego’s thought system, because it would open the whole thought system to question.

Journal
I understand what Jesus is saying about not being able to evaluate an insane belief system from within it. My ex-husband, Charlie, who was schizophrenic would experience his illness in cycles. There were times when he was perfectly sane (or at least as sane as any of us) and then he would go into a cycle where his brain misfired and he thought everyone was out to get him. He would imagine things and believe them. He would hear voices that no one else heard and he thought they were real.

When he was in a good cycle he would be able to recognize that he had a mental illness and that his behavior had been erratic at best. He knew that he did not think straight when this happened. He even asked me to put him away someplace if that became necessary because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. But when he went into the cycle where he didn’t think straight, all that went out the door. He couldn’t, from within that insane thought system, realize that he was not thinking clearly. From within that strange thought system it seemed as if everyone else was insane.

I see that his condition is not uncommon, simply extreme. When I have become caught up in an ego storm of some sort, I became very confused. I forgot what it is like to be sane. In those times I thought that fear and guilt, anger and depression were not only normal, but absolutely justified. I thought that there was nothing else to feel.

This is not so extreme for me now, but that is because I have been out of the ego system enough that even when I get lost in ego, I can still remember enough to know what is happening. For this reason I can get out of it faster and not suffer so much while I am in it. I can even see that someday, maybe soon, I will no longer fall back into that thought system. Even now, I can laugh at it when I see what is happening, so perfect freedom can’t be too far off.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Study of Text, Chapter 9, VII. The Two Evaluations P 5. 3-31-15

VII. The Two Evaluations, P 4
5 If you choose to see yourself as unloving you will not be happy. You are condemning yourself and must therefore regard yourself as inadequate. Would you look to the ego to help you escape from a sense of inadequacy it has produced, and must maintain for its existence? Can you escape from its evaluation of you by using its methods for keeping this picture intact?

Journal
In the past my problem was that I would do unloving things, or have unloving thoughts, and I used this as proof that I was unloving. I held grievances against even people I loved. I avoided people I didn’t like. I laughed at unkind jokes and shared gossip at the water cooler. How could I see myself as good, when it was obvious I was not good?

Slowly, as I studied and practiced the Course, and lived it the best I could, I began to understand that what I do is not what I am. With just this little bit of understanding, I was able to start using the unloving acts and thoughts as indication there was still something in my mind that was sick and needed healing. Instead of being something that caused me shame, I was often able to see it as red flags, indicators, and know that it could change.

I was also able, eventually, to detach from these thoughts and their effects, knowing that we all share them. While I seemed to be healing me, I was really healing the Sonship, as I allowed the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking. I forget this sometimes, and there are times when I am unable to detach, at least at first. Eventually, I remember my function, and remember that I am the light of the world.

My part is so small, so simple. I desire to forgive all I think is true now. Just that. I desire. I notice when I desire something else and I release that to the Holy Spirit. I do this until all I desire is God. I disregard appearances, and follow my guide as if there was nothing to see but light all around me, because that is the truth.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

Tell a friend about this article.

Printable Page

Page 131 of 269 pages ‹ First  < 129 130 131 132 133 >  Last ›

<< Back to main page of Together, We Light the Way

Has this page been helpful to you?
Your contribution to support this site is greatly appreciated. To make a tax deductible contribution with a credit/debit card, click here.
Click here to donate from your PayPal account.
Or send a check to Pathways of Light, 12530 Lions Chase Court, Huntley, IL 60142.