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Accepting with Enthusiasm

I was thinking that I am solely responsible for my life and that my thoughts are the cause of all I experience. Then I wondered what I would like to experience differently and what thoughts I would change to see this happen. I had just written a blog and my thought was I wish I had more time to write. This led to the thought that I wish I had more time for teaching and counseling. So I started thinking which thoughts have created this situation where I spend most of my time at work rather than doing what I would rather do. But then I stopped because somehow this did not feel right.

I remembered that I don’t know what is best for me, or what will make me happy. So I asked Holy Spirit what I should ask for. The answer I got from Him is to ask for acceptance. He said to ask, in each situation, “for acceptance with enthusiasm and without judgment.” I knew I had heard right because it felt good to think of this. I thought about this idea for awhile and I really began to warm up to it. I notice that He did not say “accept going to work today with reluctance”, or “accept this situation with a sigh of resignation.” Ha ha ha. He said “accept with enthusiasm!”

I must have fully embraced His words because I felt immediately happy at the thought. I really did feel enthusiastic about getting to work. I wondered how I would use this during the day and how my customers would react to my enthusiasm. I was really looking forward to this day.
One of the things that happened during the day was that I had to visit a customer I have a grievance against.  At first I didn’t notice anything different about this visit. I just did what I needed to do, but then I noticed I was no longer happy. I didn’t really want to be there. I also noticed how I was using the business of the work to obscure my true purpose. I was so busy getting things done that I barely noticed the grievance. If I had not begun the day with a firm intention to accept with enthusiasm what came my way, I would have missed this forgiveness opportunity.

Once I allowed the grievance into my awareness I realized what caught my attention. The grievance was draining my enthusiasm. So as I spoke to him I started this little background program going in my mind. I asked, “What would he look like if I saw him as the Christ?” I kept that program going while we got on with our business. I wish I could say that he began to glow with the light that he is, but I never seem to have those kinds of neat mystical experiences, but what did happen is that I regained my enthusiasm for the task at hand. I felt the grievance melt away and I was happy to be just where I was.

As the day began to wind down and I got closer to home, I began to wonder how much work had been done on my house while I was gone.  I am living with my daughter while a house is being prepared for me. It has been an extended project and has gone on for much longer than expected. My daughter and grandchildren are easy to live with and it is very comfortable in their home, but as the house gets closer to being finished I have started wishing I could be in it. This time as I noticed this desire I stopped myself and thought about it. What would happen if I set aside this longing to be someplace else, and just accepted with enthusiasm the fact that I am going to be living with my daughter today? As I did this I noticed how happy I was.

I realized that wishing for things to be different than they are was keeping me from experiencing the joy of sharing my time with my grandchildren. They are such neat kids, and it is a very fortunate thing that I have had this time with my grandson as he is nearly grown now, and this opportunity won’t happen again. My granddaughter is nearly three and such a loving and fun child.

Since I have been living with my daughter I have gotten to know her better than I ever would have. I know her as an adult and mother rather than as my daughter. I think of her as a friend now and a fellow soul on the journey home. This would never have happened if I had not lived with her. Why would I want to rob myself of the joy of being with this truly delightful family by choosing to be restless and dissatisfied? By the time I got home my enthusiasm had been restored and I enjoyed the evening with my family.

I’m really looking forward to today. I am going spend this day watching my mind for signs of discontent, and gladly, enthusiastically, choose acceptance instead.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Fear is Just a Story

I was reading the single quiet thought that the Holy Spirit gave Regina Dawn Akers and I thought about how I have used these ideas.  The following is first the thought, and then an example from my own life.

Fear will hold you back from forgiveness.
Fear will hold you back
from letting go of
a false idea as false.

Fear will tell you
that it protects you from harm
and to let go of the idea in question
is to open up to complete vulnerability
and harm.

But fear is just a story.
Fear is an illusion itself.
It promises to care for you,
but what it says isn’t true.

Look at the idea of fear.
Look at its counsel
until you see it isn’t true.

You are free to practice forgiveness
when you’ve learned
not to listen to fear.
Holy Spirit through Regina Dawn Akers

When I take my mistaken thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction I am forgiving them. This is what forgiveness means to me; it is the undoing of ego or separation thoughts. As I read this single quiet thought from Holy Spirit many instances I have experienced this flashed through my mind. The one that grabbed my attention was from the situation with my son’s sickness. He was very sick for weeks and the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with him. He was weak, losing weight and becoming dehydrated every few days. It was very frightening to me.

I experienced so much fear as this situation dragged on and on, but at the same time, I kept going to Holy Spirit with this fear. There were a lot of thoughts that I did not want to keep, and each one I brought to Holy Spirit only to notice that in a bit the thought was back in my mind. Now I know that Holy Spirit isn’t failing to do His job, so it must be me that is failing to let go of the thought. I imagine myself handing a thought to him but then clutching the thought so that He cannot take it.

Clearly, the reason I was not letting go of these fear thoughts is that I thought they held some value to me. I was listening to the stories the ego was telling me and I was believing them. I was afraid to examine the stories, because I was afraid that this would lead to not believing them, and the stories were all that I had to protect me. Writing this out here I can see how absurd this reasoning really is, but at the time I didn’t see it because I was afraid to look too closely.

But each time I brought these thoughts to the Holy Spirit it helped me move a tiny bit closer to trust. Each time my willingness grew a little and I became a little more willing to forgive myself and this situation. Finally, when a friend suggested we pray as a group for Toby, I was ready to finally accept Holy Spirit’s gift. I agreed and in the moment I joined with my friends in praying I felt the shift from fear to acceptance.

I was finally able to look at the fear and see what it was telling me. I said I wanted to give the fear thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction. The ego said that if I did that I would have nothing to protect me from the Holy Spirit. I said that the Holy Spirit would give me only what would be helpful. The ego said that maybe the most helpful thing would be for Toby to die. This is where I had always shut down before. This time I stayed with it and continued to look at the ego story. I gave my trust to the Holy Spirit and surrendered completely.

This part is harder for me to put into words because there were no words involved. In my willingness to surrender to trust, the ego story dissolved. Well, the story was still there, but it became meaningless to me. I simply didn’t believe in it anymore. This did not mean I knew Toby wasn’t going to die. I surrendered to that possibility, too. I accepted that I did not know what would be the next step in his and my awakening, but that I wanted it. If this is the time when Toby let go of his story and moved on to the next one, then that is what would happen. What I let go of was the meaning I was giving that possibility.

I thought about what that would feel like, and as I think of it now I feel intense grief, but I still do not feel fear about it. I don’t know what it means and I am not interested in making up a meaning. Without my meaning clouding the picture I find it easy to trust. Fear was promising to care for me. I see that very clearly now, and I also see that when I was able to really look at what fear was offering me, I knew that was a lie. I am very grateful for where I am now. Toby began healing after we all joined in prayer and so did I. I am very glad that he is still here in this story with me, but I am even more grateful to be free of the fear. I am grateful for the experience I had which taught me so much.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Better Question

This message is an answer to a question posed on a Yahoo discussion group site. I thought it was of general interest so I am posting it here as well.

—- In NTIDiscussionGroup@yahoogroups.com, “julieta_in_bcn” <julieta_in_bcn@...> wrote:
> At the end of the third paragraph you wrote: As I was persistent in my asking, I was giving myself time to form the right question, or perhaps to finally really want what I was asking for.
I really get that last bit about really wanting what we ask for, but
could you please elaborate on the forming of the right question?
Do you think the words are important or can I just trust that HS will
> see my true intent regardless of how I express it?

Julieta, thank you for asking and giving me this opportunity to clarify in both our minds what I was saying.

I know that I can truly and completely trust the Holy Spirit. He will never give me what I do not want. So I can pretend to want something, or think I want it and ask for it, or I can be less than clear in my asking, and it does not matter. He disregards my words altogether and answers my heart. So you see, I cannot mess this up, and I will never receive what I do not truly want. The reason I want to ask the question, to clarify the question and to ask the right question is for my own benefit. This helps me to see what it is I truly want.

Asking the right question can look different at different times, but here is an example. Yesterday I had to work in the rain. It was cold and wet and I was slipping and sliding in the mud. I was miserable. The question (which I had not formulated into words as a question, but which was the question of my heart) was, why do I have to be out here and why does the weather have to be this way, and why do I have to be miserable?

Suddenly I remembered that I am committed to acceptance and allowance and this would be an excellent time to practice it. So my question changed. I told the Holy Spirit I was willing to accept the weather and my condition exactly as it was, but that I didn’t know how to do this. I offered to open my mind. This was an entirely different question. Since my goal is to awaken, it was the right question.

I got out of the car to do the next job and just stood there getting wet and being cold. I was given the thought that I could withdraw the judgment that this is bad. So I just noticed how the wind felt on my skin. And how the rain fell gently on the hood of my jacket. I noticed how it smelled very sweet. I finished this job and got back in my car and noticed how it felt to be warm and dry. Then I went on to the next job and did it again.

I began to rejoice in the day that we had created and to rejoice in the power and creativity which produced this day just for my awakening. How extraordinary we are when we allow the Love of God to create through us. I am so glad that I decided to enjoy and appreciate the moment rather than to reject it.

My first question was “why am I in this situation?”, and the better question was “what do you want me to do with it?”, or another way to say it is “how do I use this for my awakening?” The better question was more helpful to achieving my goal and so that was why it was a better question.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Holy Encounter in a Store

I was at a store today and there was a woman standing at the counter. Her body was badly deformed.  When I was young I have been repelled by this kind of thing, and would turn away.  As I grew older I was still repelled but ashamed of my feelings and would cover them over with pity. As I matured spiritually, I began to learn that neither response was appropriate, but that was just learning, the collection of new ideas. How I felt had not really changed and so I was conflicted between how I felt and how I thought I should feel. I would still turn away and still feel guilty, the only difference is that I was now confused about my feelings..

This time when I saw the woman I felt that sense of confusion, but beneath it was something else, something new. However, it was not clear. But it was right there, like a word on the tip of the tongue that I could not quite grasp. So I showed my confused thoughts to Holy Spirit. I asked Him how to see past what the body’s eyes show me. Immediately this beautiful, perfect thought came into my mind. “The soul that animates this body looks exactly like your soul.”

I had spent a lifetime imprisoning myself within the ego, looking out of the body’s eyes and seeing only an illusion. I had tried to see differently using the body’s eyes and that had left me only confused and frustrated. I still saw a separate being, different than me, whose goals were different than mine. In that one instant, with this new thought, I saw truly for the first time and knew this woman as myself. I knew the body I thought of as myself was only a tool, a communication device, something useful for that purpose only. I had heard those words before, but this was the first time their meaning had come alive for me.

As I looked at that woman’s body I saw that the mind chose a different communication device to learn specific lessons. It was not a sad or frightful thing that had happened to her. It was soul choice to learn in a particular way and so it was perfect for that soul’s lifetime desire. She was not deformed, the body was deformed. Deformity was not bad, only useful for a time. It did not just happen, it was a choice. And as all of this fell into place within my mind, the judgment born of fear that had prompted past reactions fell away, and my vision cleared. I didn’t see an unlucky or cursed woman, but another part of myself having an experience. In that holy instant I saw no separation and wanted no separation.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Let Me Forget My Brother’s Past Today

The past is a lifetime ago, a year ago, even a moment ago. No matter what I said or thought or did, it is over. I feel guilt only if I insist on dragging the past around with me like a wet bag of sand. Each moment is brand new if that is what I choose. My life is recreated with each thought I have and it will be recreated differently if I choose different thoughts. This is why it so important that I notice my thoughts, take responsibility for them and for their effects, and then ask the Holy Spirit for a different way to see. I do not want to continue as I have been by thinking the same thoughts, making the same judgments. I am ready to be wrong about everything I think I know and to allow the Holy Spirit to replace it all with the truth.

I wonder what it would be like to release the past completely and to see each one in my life as if they were brand new to me. I don’t mean that I would forget everything about them; that would be Alzheimer’s. I mean, what would it be like to see each person as if they had never attacked me, never hurt my feelings, never disagreed with me, never abandoned me.

I was thinking about my father. When I think about him I think about all the labels I have given him. He was an alcoholic. He made our lives miserable and then abandoned us. He made me special then betrayed my specialness. When he wasn’t drinking he was the best dad in the world and somehow that made his drinking behavior all the more painful; his betrayal all the more unforgivable. He was a gifted speaker, a songwriter and singer. His heart was open and child-like, he was playful and fun.  Though he had little follow through, he had the capacity to dream things others could not fathom.

What if I could withdraw all my projections and surrender my perceptions. What if I could allow myself to see him without the armor of my judgments. Who would this man be? I imagine him not as my father, but as another brother using his ego story to help him wake up. I see him walking his path through addictions and mental illness. I see him trying on this mask and that one looking for something that fits, something that brings happiness and peace.

I see him presenting me with opportunities to look through my bag of ego tricks, to try first this one and then that one, to discard each as it does not work. I see him moving on to his next rendezvous in this play and me moving onto mine. Where is the attack now? Where is the betrayal, the abandonment? From this forgiven perspective I meet him again and I see him without those labels, those judgments, those projections, all that I had created as his past, and now I see only the innocent Christ.

Holy Spirit, what if I could do this for each person I encounter? What if I could withdraw each judgment, even as I make it, and withdraw it so completely that it leaves not a stain upon their visage so that each encounter with that person is brand new, completely untainted by the last encounter. What if I could encounter a brother on the street and he knock me to the ground and yet I see only my innocent self interacting with my innocent self? Could I ever be so free of judgment that the past would not follow me around? Could I encounter that person later and not flinch? If I can see it in my mind, I can live it in my life.

Holy Spirit: Do you feel the fear and resistance at this thought, my friend? Allow yourself to do so. Don’t try to bury it. (I stop for a moment and feel the fear and doubt. I notice I feel overwhelmed and think it is too much to even try. It feels hopeless.) Those feelings, dear one, are the ego defenses designed to keep you forever in its world of separation. The ego warns you that you are being asked to go naked and unprotected into a dangerous world. You do not have to believe its lies.

Today you will encounter many people on whom you have projected a history. Do not try to see them without this history. Do not try to do anything. As you meet them simply ask Me to show you what I see. Does this feel doable to you? Does this feel overwhelming and frightening?

Me: (I smile and then laugh.) Holy Spirit, I keep forgetting how easy this is. I keep forgetting that God is not asking for sacrifice. I can do this and I want to do this. Thank you.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Who am I?

The hush of Heaven holds my heart today.

This morning I woke up with a question: Who am I? The answer came quickly. I am Christ. I am moving up and through this vehicle, slowly displacing the ego as light displaces darkness with its very presence. I move slowly as not to startle, but I move inevitably for I am being made welcome. I do not force my way into conscious thought, but come quietly and gently at invitation.

Is it arrogance to think of myself as Christ? Or is it simple truth and only recognition of what has been known deep within all along? Is it only foolishness to pretend to be small and unlike my Creator just because I am playing at making a world that could never exist? The ego feels very sly today, truly the serpent in the garden slithering slowly into my awareness, whispering fearful warnings of overstepping my bounds, of drawing attention to my errors. “What will people think? I don’t act like a Christ. Who do I think I am?”

Could I turn my attention from the ego mind and let it hiss at dead air? Could I do this just for today and allow myself the respite of utter peace, the hush of heaven, as promised me? I am willing for that to be true for me this day. I am willing to set aside my guilt and fear and experience my Self as God created me. I get shivers at the thought, though I am not sure how much of it is expectation and how much fear.

Yesterday was so productive. I noticed many moments in which I was judging and was completely willing to see differently. I was more than willing; I was determined, and excited to see differently. I reminded myself often that I and my Father are one, and I began to include the one I had judged. I and my Father and David are one. Once, the group got rather large. 😊 Well, the more the merrier. All I could think about was how much light I was allowing into my mind every time I chose forgiveness.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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What limits can I lay upon God’s Son?”

Though they be only in my own mind, and far beyond the reach of Truth, I place limits on God’s Son so much that it is hard to keep up with it. I do it to myself and to those I know and to those I just happen to run across. It doesn’t matter since each different body is just a symbol of the separation thought. Sometimes the limit is obvious. I think someone is too fat, or dresses badly, or has a terrible haircut. I think someone is rude or obnoxious. I think someone cannot write well, or speak well. Sometimes it is just a fleeting thought, hardly in my mind long enough for me to notice, but it shows me that I believe in limitation and would impose it on myself and others.

I sometimes hide the limits behind humility, or behind a compliment. I limit as I compare one person to another. I could never do what you are doing, or look what an advanced soul she is. And right then I have limited everyone else and even her because while she has gone so far, she is not there. I hide it behind “love” as I tell my children they cannot do something by doing it for them, or giving unneeded advice.

I limit through worry. What if I cannot do this, or if that happens? How will I handle something? Will I have enough money or enough time? The implication always being there is a limit. How often have I said that I can no longer do that because I am too old, or my memory is not as good as it used to be, or I just tend to be that way or this way?

This morning I sat here thinking that I can’t understand why I hold onto the ego like I do. Why can’t I just let it go? I see what I am doing, and yet I keep doing it. The limitation implied is that I have no control over this, that something is keeping me in this place. I think of the many times the Holy Spirit has encouraged me to be patient and I think, there I go again trying to rush things; another limitation – I’m not able to be patient, never have been.

As I wonder how I can make all these changes, the Holy Spirit reminds me that there are not a million changes in behavior that I need to make, but only one change. In choosing the wrong teacher I learned to believe in limitation.

Holy Spirit: Dear one, you forget who you are and all that implies. You are the holy Son of God dreaming of bodies, pretending to be limited. You don’t need to learn to be unlimited, or even, as you were thinking, learn to not be limited. You only need to decide to be what you are instead of what you pretend to be.

Each time you notice one of the many forms that limitation can take you are deciding to remember who you are. Each time you use that moment to express your willingness to return to your true nature you are undoing the belief in limitation. It does not matter if the limitation seems to be on you or on someone else as it is not a particular behavior that needs correction, but the thought that caused the behavior.

Remember that you are completely responsible for everything you see in your world. If there seem to be limits everywhere you look, those limits are there because you want them there. Do not be discouraged by this discovery, but rejoice that you have decided to realize what is going on. Your willingness to accept responsibility is your freedom. It is the key to freedom from the belief in limits.

Me: Holy Spirit I feel very frustrated. I accept responsibility for my world. Well, really I don’t a lot of times, because as soon as I said that, I remembered just yesterday thinking I felt bad because of something someone else said. But I do understand the concept of self responsibility. What I don’t understand is why I cannot simply let go of the belief in limits. Why can’t I just wake up from this dream? I think I really want to and yet, if I wanted to I would. What is wrong with me?

Holy Spirit: Precious child of God, remember that I said you forget who you are. That forgetfulness is not accidental. You choose to forget that you are holy beyond measure, perfect in a way that in your forgetfulness you can no longer even imagine. You choose forgetfulness because you believe what you have now is preferable. You would rather be ruler of a broken and limited kingdom that to be part of God’s kingdom. As long as you place some value in being separate from God, you will remain (in your mind, only) separate from God. You are created to be free, and that means you are free to be miserable if that is what you want.

Remember, though, that you are equally free to be joyful. There are no magic words to bring you to your joy. I know you want Me to give you those words which will free you from your own choices, but you do not need Me to do this for you. I will not teach you that you are limited in this way by doing for you what you can do for yourself. That would not be kindness. Returning to your natural state, which I remind you does not change in spite of your dreams to the contrary, returning to your natural state is as simple as changing your mind. When you cease to value your dream it will end. Just like that.

And yes, again I will remind you, be patient with yourself. There are steps that must be taken, and you are taking them. Patience does not imply doing nothing. Continue to use every possible opportunity to become fully aware of your resistance. Continue to give me what willingness you have in every moment. Though it seems small indeed, you may rest assured I will use it. The little you do has a powerful effect on your mind. You are in the process of deciding differently. It seems to you to take a long time, but that is just an illusion.

Thank you, Holy Spirit. 

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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