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January-March, 2020

Healing Relationships Is an Inside Job

by Rev. Cathy Silva, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

On a Saturday morning I went for my walk around the neighborhood and as I did I listened to the audio version of a book I learned about from Pathways of Light. The book is titled The Only Little Prayer You Need by Debra Engle. It’s a short read and I was able to listen to the entire book in just a couple hours. I love that. I also love that this short prayer is a way of practicing the true forgiveness referred to over and over in A Course in Miracles.

The prayer is:

Please heal my fear-based thoughts.

As in the steps in practicing true forgiveness, we first become aware of our fear based thoughts or ego, which is something I’ve been vigilant about doing for the past few months especially.

Once a fear based thought comes up, you say the prayer to Holy Spirit (Higher Power), Please heal my fear-based thoughts about… (whatever the bear based thought is).

The last step is you witness the miracle.

I’ve noticed lately as I acknowledge my fear based thoughts with at least the intent to let them go that my ego is having a hissy fit; like it’s hanging on for dear life, knowing its days are numbered. I have experienced such healing in my relationships from the inner work I’ve done with Spirit’s Guidance, especially in my relationship with my husband. With Love in charge, our conversations together while he’s away at work for two months at time and our time together while he’s home has been for the most part void of the bickering, struggle and strain that had become a regular thing when fear was running the show. Now most of the time we thoroughly enjoy each other even while we are apart. We miss one another but there is a new sense of peace and appreciation about the purpose of our relationship and we are happy to each have the opportunity to do work that feels meaningful and on purpose.

When I returned from my walk, I went about the house and did some chores while I finished listening to the audio book. At around 11 a.m. I received a FaceTime call from my husband. He’d been working nights so it was early for his call. I’d noticed lately he’s been calling right after he wakes up so he’s still groggy and especially so this morning since he had not gotten his desired amount of sleep. Now I could have interpreted this as he was excited to talk with me after he woke up.

However, my ego went right into judgment about him calling me while he was still tired and not alert enough to have a ‘good’ conversation. From this position of blame and judgment I got downright mean — poking fun at him and referring to him as Eyore, the donkey character from Winnie the Pooh who is portrayed as being down and negative all the time. Then I asked if he had downloaded the Love Languages app I’d sent to him, fully expecting of course that he still had not. He said he downloaded it but had not had time to do anything with it. Well, with my ego large and in charge, my fear based thoughts about not being a priority or important were triggered. All of these thoughts boil down to I don’t matter. I have learned that quite possibly that is what all our fear based thoughts boil down to.

I jumped to the conclusion that he really didn’t want to download the app; he was just doing it to appease me. And further- more he didn’t really care about our relationship or thought doing anything to make it better was worth his time.

I have been really craving connection and intimacy with him and I think I was grasping at any way we could achieve that together.

The fact is that the desire for connection and intimacy is one we all share. When we are not in our right mind, we look to get our needs met outside ourselves and from what the Course refers to as ‘special relationships.’ I was looking to get my need for love met from my husband and I felt using this tool together would be helpful toward that goal. Though when he didn’t respond the way I wanted him to then it confirmed the fear based thought — I don’t matter. We ended up falling back into an old pattern of blame and judgment and defense. We hung up the call with “I love you’s” that felt void of any real feeling of love at all.

It’s interesting that I have been so aware of my thoughts lately that even as I seem to be entrenched in the ego tirade I’m aware of it’s antics. As we were engaged in this hurtful exchange, there was that part of my mind that was observing it all play out, though in the thick of it I didn’t seem to have the power to stop it.

There is a line in ACIM Text, Chapter 2 Section VI Fear and Conflict, that stands out to me where Jesus says, “Fear cannot be controlled by me, but it can be self-controlled. Fear prevents me from giving you my control.”

To me this means that at any moment the decision maker part of my mind can make the choice to quiet the fearful ego mind so that I may be Guided by Love. It’s also important to remember that the ego is simply a mistaken identity. You are the decision maker, not the ego. This puts the control back with what is for our highest good and the good of all concerned.

My husband and I share the highest intention to be loving in the best way we can. We’ve made the commitment to one another to love unconditionally and support one another in our growth. Sometimes we just get off track.

Remembering that commitment was key to the shift I was able to make once we got off our call together, I made the decision to step back from the confrontation that still raged in my mind and remember the love we share and remember the prayer, “Please heal my fear-based thoughts.”

I surrendered to the Source of Love within me. Then what arose in my awareness was Ho’oponopono, the ancient Hawaiian practice for healing, and a prompting to send my beloved a text saying:

“I’m sorry. Clearly my ego was engaged and in charge. Please forgive me for allowing that to happen and affect our time together. Thank you for your love and being my partner in life. I love you.” I instantly felt peace. I wasn’t even concerned about how or if he would respond. It was a total giving from my heart to his without the need to ‘get’ anything in return.

I went on to enjoy my day and he got some more sleep. After a while I received a return text: “I’m sorry too. I love you.” He’s a man of few words (smile). In actuality there were no more words necessary. I felt his heart. The blocks to the awareness of our love for one another were removed. Later in the evening we had another conversation where we shared what had happened and what we learned from it from a fresh perspective.

Rev. Cathy Silva is Pathways of Light minister living in Punta Gorda, FL who specializes in being of help to heal our relationships. To learn more about working with her visit her website: cathysilva.org or reach out via email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or phone: 941-626-5551.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this copyright notice and website address are included.

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January-March, 2020

Transforming Guilt into Kindness

by Revs. Mary & Robert Stoelting

What is kindness? Kindness is an attribute of Love. How do we return to being aware of the Love we all are?

In A Course in Miracles we are told,

“Praise be to you who make the Father one with His Own Son. Alone we are all lowly, but together we shine with brightness so intense that none of us alone can even think of it. Before the glorious radiance of the Kingdom guilt melts away and, transformed into kindness, will never more be what it was.” (T-13.X.14:1-3, underline added)

Our journey is a journey of mind healing. When we forget the fact that nothing has happened to change the unity of God’s one Son, we are forgetting that everyone in this dream world is still changeless Love as God created them. It is not a happy experience to forget that only eternal Love is real. When we are not happy, we are not being kind to ourselves or others.

Over the years we have made it a practice of joining together to notice when we get caught up in the ego’s dream of seeing guilt outside us. One important clue that helps us is to pay attention to when we start judging and making a big deal in our minds about someone’s behavior. We have noticed that we are not happy or peaceful when we are judging another and we are only hurting ourselves by holding on to these thoughts.

Once we recognize that we are judging, we can then step back and invite the Holy Spirit to heal our minds. As we do this, we receive a change of mind about the situation. We experience the gentle truth that guilt gets transformed into kindness. We find that as we move into the mindset of kindness, awareness of Love’s presence returns to our troubled minds.

In the Course we are told, “The grace of God rests gently on forgiving eyes, and everything they look on speaks of Him to the beholder. He can see no evil; nothing in the world to fear, and no one who is different from himself. 

…The kindness of his sight rests on himself with all the tenderness it offers others. For he would only heal and only bless. And being in accord with what God wills, he has the power to heal and bless all those he looks on with the grace of God upon his sight.” (T-25.VI.1:1-2, 6-8)

Examples of Applying This in Our Lives

Mary: I found myself getting upset when I did not receive the product I ordered online for a recipe I wanted to make. It turns out that the product I ordered was sent to another address which also had the word “Oak” in it.

When we asked the company to send it to the correct address, they asked us to drive to the post office and request the needed proof that it wasn’t delivered to our address. I again found myself getting upset and thought that the 50 minutes it took for us to get verification from the post office of where the product was mailed was enough reason to be disgruntled.

After taking the time to go to an inner place of peace, the Holy Spirit helped me realize that I was not being kind to myself or my brother by getting angry about what I thought was going on. From this place of inner quiet it came to me that this was a perfect example of how I was judging the situation and was projecting guilt instead of extending kindness.

I mentally thanked the company for helping me with this important lesson to see when I was projecting guilt and to allow these thoughts to be transformed into kindness, an attribute of Love. I felt such gratitude that this experience, which I brought upon myself, was being healed as I let my mind be transformed by the Holy Spirit.

Robert: Last spring I spent 10 days in the hospital. During that time I was inspired to focus on appreciation for all that the experience presented to me. There were many opportunities. When nurses came in several times during the night, I felt happy to see them and naturally smiled. I felt and expressed gratitude for the help that the staff gave when I needed help.

Sometimes when I asked for help, the response seemed slow. But I remembered that I had no idea what caused the delay. It was not for me to have an opinion. I was reminded to be grateful that I was okay and help would arrive in plenty of time. I returned to an attitude of gratitude and felt peaceful.

One of the nurses talked about how stressful it was to her when patients expressed impatience and anger toward her. I was inspired to remind her that it was not personal. The patients were just afraid and feeling out of control, so they were projecting their fear on her. She could mentally let the projection pass by like a bullfighter says “olé.”

Another nurse who came in several nights during my stay said I was her favorite patient because I was always happy and smiling. I often called those who came to my room earth angels, from the janitors and plumber to the technicians, doctors and administrators. They all felt like angels to me.

In an environment where people come because they are physically uncomfortable and usually unhappy with their situation, it can be helpful for their caregivers to be offered the gift of appreciation for their service. They are there because they are motivated to give. Appreciation for their gifts recharges their motivation.

Though I remember I was there because of a physical need, I do not remember any pain. My focus on appreciation turned out to be a blessing for me as well. When I think of the experience, I remember the help and kindness of all those I met. And I smile.

Practice, Practice, Practice

As we continue to make it a daily practice of letting the Holy Spirit fill our minds with peace, patience and forgiveness, we become more aware of how much we are loved and how much we love every brother.

In Lesson 157 of the Workbook for Students we are told, “This day is holy, for it ushers in a new experience; a different kind of feeling and awareness. You have spent long days and nights in celebrating death. Today you learn to feel the joy of life.”

“From this day forth, your ministry takes on a genuine devotion, and a glow that travels from your fingertips to those you touch, and blesses those you look upon. A vision reaches every­one you meet, and everyone you think of, or who thinks of you. For your experience today will so transform your mind that it becomes the touchstone for the holy Thoughts of God.”

“…the Holy One, the Giver of the happy dreams of life, Translator of perception into truth, the holy Guide to Heaven given you, has dreamed for you this journey which you make and start today, with the experience this day holds out to you to be your own.”

Every brother is one with us in the Self Love created like Itself. Every thought we accept in our mind is heard throughout the Sonship. Our only real Thoughts are the Thoughts of Love we share with God. Thus our Thoughts of Love are a blessing to the world as much as they are a blessing to our Self.

We are unaware of the ongoing Thoughts of Love in our mind while we give our allegiance to the ego, which denies Love. This allegiance leads to dreams of guilt and fear. But we can choose to give our allegiance to the Holy Spirit, Who dreams for us a dream of expressions of Love, peace and happiness. We cannot serve two masters simultaneously. We serve either the ego or the Holy Spirit.

We enter into God’s presence by choosing the Holy Spirit to guide our dream. With His guidance, we learn to let go of the past, for His lesson teaches that the past is gone and cannot affect us now. With His help our dream becomes a dream of kindness, gentleness, peace and happiness. We join you in the happy practice of choosing this today.

Revs. Robert and Mary Stoelting, co-founders of Pathways of Light, reside in Ormond Beach, Florida, where they, along with a Pathways of Light team, continue to operate the office and publish the quarterly Miracles News magazine. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this copyright notice and website address are included.

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January-March, 2020

Chronic & Critical Illness Support Teleconference

by Rev. Maria Kingsley, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

When: First Saturday of each month 12:30 p.m. eastern, 11:30 a.m. central, 9:30 a.m. pacific time.

Call 605-475-4927, access code: 181133# (Call a few min. ahead)

This free teleconference is for anyone who has a Chronic or Critical Illness and caregivers.

We discuss questions from those attending the meeting plus the issues brought up through requests during the month. We also work with course 909: Wellness Through Mind Healing.

Rev. Maria Kingsley is a Pathways of Light minister living in Tucson, Arizona. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  P.O. Box 35122   Call: 520-780-0170

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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January-March, 2020

One More Kiss Goodnight

by Rev. Mike Atkins, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

My partner, Mike, died last summer at the age of 56. He was diagnosed with end stage COPD in September of 2009 and told he probably had three to four years left. With a lot of love, and a willingness to explore all options, we were blessed to have ten more years together. It wasn’t easy, but somehow we managed to take care of it all, and I know we both did everything we could.

A few weeks ago, I was cleaning up his office and found a notebook on his desk. Inside, there were several pages where he had written down some random thoughts, as if he were brainstorming the problem and trying to figure out what to do. It was all an explanation as to why everything was his fault. There was even a page that said “my fault,” with arrows drawn to every item in a list of problems.

I was very upset when I found this, and I reached out to my spiritual counselor, Rev. Barbara Siegel, who always inspires me to do my best. She suggested that I might write a letter to Mike.

Dear Mike,

Today, I found what you had written in the little yellow notepad on your desk. It breaks my heart to think that you could believe those things about yourself. It’s not true.

You didn’t deserve this, Mike. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were never a burden, and you were not a parasite. You couldn’t take anything from me that I wouldn’t give you. I gave you what I had. That’s all. That’s what it was for. That’s why it was there when we needed it.

You’ve never been anything but good to me. You saved my life, when I didn’t even know that’s what I wanted. The only thing I could ever possibly regret is if we didn’t do everything we could to save yours. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I love you. I’m so grateful for every moment we had together. I don’t regret a single second, and I don’t miss a dime. I miss you.

You are, so far and above, the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much. I miss you more than I ever could have imagined. Every day, I still wake up thinking of you, and every night I walk into your room and say “Goodnight, Mike” and “I love you” to an empty bed. Then I bend down to say goodnight to Cooper, because Cooper doesn’t sleep in my room anymore. He sleeps on the floor at the foot of your bed, and spends most of his day guarding the front door, waiting for his best friend to come home.

It’s still so hard for me to believe you’re not just in the other room right now, sitting in front of your computer. It’s strange you’re not there. Nothing is real. It’s like I’m sleepwalking through a bad dream. Months have passed, but I still don’t know what to do without you. The house is too quiet, and you’re not here anymore. That wasn’t supposed to happen for a long time. I don’t wish for things. But I have confessed to God in prayer, many times over these past few months, that I would give anything just to hear your voice again.

A few days ago, while I was in the middle of a run, I was suddenly aware of pressure around my forearm right above my wrist, which, after just a few seconds, slid down into my hand, and I felt your hand in mine. I stopped and grabbed my wrist and froze, staring at my hand. It wasn’t your voice, but I knew it was the comfort I had asked for. Overcome with joy and relief, and with tears in my eyes, I began thanking you and God and Holy Spirit, loudly and profusely. I’m sure it was quite the sight, but that didn’t matter. Feeling blessed and reassured on so many different levels, peace and happiness were with me, and the rest of the day was a very good day.

That same night, I lay in bed and cried and asked Spirit to please let me hear your voice again if He could.

I was so confused and disappointed. I felt broken. I didn’t understand how I got back to the tears. There was something wrong with me. How could I be feeling this pain again, mere hours after a miraculous healing experience? It was hopeless. I remember thinking, “This is not getting any better,” and then everything stopped.

Just like that, the pain was gone, and I was calm and got very quiet. I closed my eyes. I thought of your hand holding mine. This perfect gift I’d been given. An answer to my prayers. What more did I want? What was I asking for? And then it came to me; “Why the voice?”

As soon as I heard the question, I knew the answer was because I wanted to hear you say that everything was going to be okay. I knew I was just making the same old mistake again. I believed I knew, all on my own, exactly what would bring me peace, and I was insisting on having it my way. I was blind. You held my hand. What could I be unsure of anymore?

The answer came again, and it surprised me: I’m not. That’s why I’m here. I’ve agreed to salvation and that’s why I’m experiencing it. So now I see a world where “all things are lessons God would have me learn.” Sometimes it’s most helpful to repeat lessons. That’s okay. It’s all part of His Plan. It’s all practice, and everything I experience can only bring me closer to the truth. Whenever I pay attention, I can see this is true.

My path seems very difficult to me at times. I’ve got a lot of company. We all have help that cannot fail. I think back now on all the miracles I’ve received throughout my life. So many of them could be dismissed as coincidence, I suppose. But just the other day, you held my hand. I’m sure that can be explained away as well, but it would be a much harder sell.

The world says you’re gone, but you’re still lighting my way. You’ll always be there for me somehow. You’ve shown me that love can never die. That you did do. That is the truth; I am so grateful to know that you’ll remember that, and not something you wrote down at, what almost certainly was, the worst possible time. As always, you deserve nothing but all my love and appreciation, and that you will have forever. And when my time comes, I’ll think of you, and I’ll be able to close my eyes with a smile and know that everything’s going to be okay.

Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.

Rev. Michael Atkins, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister in Georgetown, Texas. Email:mea35tx@hotmail.com

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this copyright notice and website address are included.

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