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April-June, 2020

The First Five Lessons & Relationship Healing

by Rev. Cathy Silva, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

For me the journey of this lifetime is all about relationships — my relationship with myself, with others and ultimately my relationship with God. It’s through our relationships that we can experience tremendous growth and healing, if we are open and willing.

I seemed to have known this for quite some time and could clearly see a need in my own relationships. I felt a Call to help heal relationships through my coaching work. I didn’t quite know how but I did have the willingness. Not just the ‘little’ willingness that Jesus mentions in the Course. I was determined to experience a healing and find a way to bring us all back to love, peace, and harmony.

For years I muddled through seeking ways to achieve ‘my’ goal to heal. When things got to the level that I can only describe as a ‘war zone’ with my relationships, it was my breaking point. That’s when the Course found me. I do believe the Course finds us somehow. When we are ready, it finds us. Through the Course and the related Pathways of Light courses, the way to heal my relationship with myself and others has led to an experience of Love, Oneness, and true purpose.

I think it’s important to note that we are not actually ‘working on’ our relationships when we engage in this work. We are healing our mind through the process of undoing the fearful ego thought system that has been running the show in our relationships and life for long enough. It’s time to remove the blocks and let the Love that we are be revealed and extended in the world. We are healing the way we see ourself and others, which shifts our way of seeing, being, and interacting in the world. Ultimately we experience inner peace.

The goal of the Course and any relationship healing work is healing the mind and removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence.

The first five workbook lessons in the mind healing process applied to our relationship healing journey.

Lesson 1: Nothing I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place) means anything. 

This first lesson has us looking slowly around at objects in the room. I think this is a way to begin looking at everything I see with the body’s eyes as neutral. So we can apply this to anything we see and any actions or behavior in others as well. This can be particularly difficult when what someone does or says is triggering a negative emotion for me or I am perceiving them to be causing me harm in some way. At this point it’s easy for me to predict, judge, or psycho analyze what their motivation or intention is. But if I am able to simply observe and see that what they are doing is nothing, certainly nothing to do with any ill intentions against me, it opens up a space in my mind to another way of seeing them and their behavior. This leads us to:

Lesson 2: I have given everything I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place) all the meaning that it has for me.

This helps me see that I am interpreting what others do according to what I see from my ego mind. I have given it a meaning — good or bad. For example, if my partner doesn’t pick up his socks, it means he doesn’t care and further more he doesn’t care about me or respect me. I’ve noticed that I can go into a whole big ugly unloving story about the littlest things that are really nothing, but I’ve made them something.

Lesson 3: I do not understand anything I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place).

In the instructions for this lesson I am told specifically not to exclude anything in the application of this idea. It says, “These are not exercises in judgment.” It recognizes that some things I see will have emotionally charged meaning for me. It’s good to recognize what I am feeling and then do my best to lay those feelings aside.

We very often judge others’ actions and behaviors in relation to the past — specifically our judgments and ideas of the past. If we are invested in those ideas and judgments and stay focused on them, it blocks the ability to see the good in others and the true loving intentions they have.

No matter how covered or deeply buried, we all have the desire and intention to love and be loved. This exercise is to help us clear our mind of those past associations and blocks to see our brother and the situation as it is now and realize that there is so much we don’t know or understand about them or the situation. Ultimately the goal here is to keep an open mind.

Lesson 4: These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place).

In the instructions it states, “The aim here is to train you in first steps toward the goal of separating the meaningless from the meaningful.” I see this helping me separate out or letting go of any idea or thoughts that are not aligned with the Love we are as God created us. Another way to put it is we are sorting out the True and the untrue. Somewhere in the Course Jesus says, “Only loving thoughts are true.”

Since I am still not fully awake and there is so much I do not know, I depend on Jesus or Holy Spirit to show me what I am missing. I simply need to step back from making any thought about myself and others mean anything. This is another way of clearing my mind of the clutter so the truth of love and oneness with God and my brother can show up in my experience.

Lesson 5: I am never upset for the reason I think.

This idea is one that comes up over and over in my relationship healing work with clients as well as my own relationships. It is so tempting to place blame and judgment for our upset on people and circumstances outside ourselves. From our perceptions, the cause of our upset is what others are doing or not doing. And referring back to the prior Lessons, we have thoughts and ideas about what they are doing means.

The meaning we give it results in attack and defense and thinking we are justified in that. This is how the person that we love seems to become our enemy. This is done to defend a faulty, fearful thought system that has hurt me and others and keeps us in hell together. We are beginning to realize it’s just not working anymore. We want to live in Love not fear. We are willing to let go of the need to attack, defend, and get love. We are open and willing to find a better way. From here our relationship journey begins.

Rev. Cathy Silva is Pathways of Light minister living in Punta Gorda, FL who specializes in being of help to heal our relationships. To learn more about working with her visit her website: cathysilva.org or reach out via email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or phone: 941-626-5551.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2020

Disagreements? Pause

by Mary Lenihan, Founder of PauseForInspiration.org

There is probably not a day that goes by that we don’t disagree with someone on something. Is it possible that most disagreements will not amount to anything? Would it be such a big deal to simply let it go?

Five Job Corps students practiced Pause, Step Back, Step Aside and Let Inspiration Guide during a disagreement and experienced the following:

1. I realized that I don’t need this person’s approval.

2. It’s not worth the conflict, so I just walked away.

3. I saw where this could lead so I agreed to disagree.

4. I heard in the pause to not say what I was about to say, but I did and now I’m paying for it.

5. A friend brought someone I didn’t know to a party and they asked me to get in this guy’s car. We disagreed about what to do. I paused, heard in my mind not to get in the car and I didn’t get in the car.

Pause tips that may come in handy when disagreements arise:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Pause. It is up to you. Imagine pausing as absorbing a   moment’s peace. Let pausing restore you to your Inspired Mind.

2. Admit to Yourself How Your Thoughts, Words and Actions Contributed to the Disagreement. Usually the me-character is defending itself because it wants its own way; it doesn’t want to change. Pause for a change — for safe, wise and truly helpful thoughts, words and actions.

5. Ask Yourself, “What Am I Really Upset About?” Often we are upset about something else. Pause and ask your Inspired Mind to show you what’s really bothering you and listen for the solution.

The St. Louis Job Corps students are learning to use the practice of Pause when encountering disagreements to help prevent escalation and promote communication. We pause, not to deny the problem, not to shove down various emotions. Instead you are practicing getting out of your own way, which allows room to see another way, and being willing to see what would be truly helpful now.

Oh, when I don’t think I have time to pause, I pause twice as long!

Want to learn how to pause? Visit: PauseForInspiration.org  Mary Lenihan is the Co-founder of Pause For Inspiration, a 501(c)(3). Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2020

ACIM Text Questions and Answers

Pathways of Light staff

What is the ego’s idea of empathy?

In helping us look at the ego thought system with the Holy Spirit, one of the key sentences in this section is, “Having identified with what it thinks it understands, the ego sees itself and would increase itself by sharing what is like itself.” (T-16.1.2:4)

That is the ego’s idea of empathy. Because the ego is the idea of being separate from Love, of course it relates to stories of suffering, sacrifice and deprivation. It loves these stories because they increase its sense of a separate ‘self.’ They increase its sense that it has really made its world of specialness, of individuality, real. If we consistently practiced seeing past these stories with the help of the Holy Spirit, the ego would disappear.

How do we empathize with strength instead of weakness?

Jesus tells us, “To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand. That is the ego’s interpretation of empathy, and is always used to form a special relationship in which the suffering is shared.” (T-16.1.1:1-2)

This is like the saying that if someone has fallen down into a well, it is not helpful to him to jump down into the well with him. But it is helpful to hand him a rope so he has a means to get out of the well.

When we join with the Holy Spirit’s form of empathy, we do not decide on our own what true empathy means. Jesus tells us, “You are the learner; He the Teacher. Do not confuse your role with His, for this will never bring peace to anyone. Offer your empathy to Him for it is His perception and His strength that you would share. And let Him offer you His strength and His perception, to be shared through you.” (T-16.1.5:6-9)

It’s important to remember that the ego always wants to reinforce our belief in separation because that is what holds the ego in place. The Holy Spirit always returns us to the awareness of our unity. When we joined with the ego thought system, we believed we were a separate self identity which we thought was our “reality.” This is why we cannot know true empathy on our own. We need help from outside the ego thought system. This is why it is so important to learn “that to recognize and accept the fact that you do not know is to recognize and accept the fact that He does know.” (T-16.1.4:4)

Jesus tells us very specifically how to do this when he says, “If you will merely sit quietly by and let the Holy Spirit relate through you, you will empathize with strength, and will gain in strength and not in weakness.” (T-16.1.2:7)

To receive the Holy Spirit’s guidance we need to be in peace; we need to take time to quiet our minds and be receptive. The ego’s first impulse will always be to reinforce separation. Our vigilance to not follow this first impulse but to step back and open our minds to the Holy Spirit’s guidance allows us to be taught what true empathy is.

He tells us, “Focus your mind only on this: I am not alone, and I would not intrude the past upon my Guest. I have invited Him and He is here. I need do nothing except not to interfere.” (T-16.1.3:9-12)

As we diligently practice this stepping back and not interfering, we will experience the Holy Spirit’s empathy through us and thus learn what it is. The form in which this empathy is expressed will vary according to each situation but the feeling of unity will be the same. As always the Holy Spirit will use every situation to teach us of the reality of oneness, if we let Him.

The ego thought system is belief in weakness — separation from the strength of Love. The ego uses relationships in order to reinforce belief in weakness and loss. But we are told here that the opposite is true.

“The meaning of love is lost in any relationship that looks to weakness, and hopes to find love there. The power of love, which is its meaning, lies in the strength of God that hovers over it and blesses it silently by enveloping it in healing wings.” (T-16.1.6:1-2)

What is everyone’s true need?

In this world of separation, it appears that we have different needs. The truth is that we all have only one real need and that need is to return to remembering our one identity as one Self in the Mind of God. When our brother asks us to empathize with him by reinforcing his belief in weakness, he is asking a foolish thing. It is only the Holy Spirit in our mind that can recognize the difference between foolish needs and our only one real need, which is to wake up from the trap of belief in individuality. In our current state of mind we do not realize that our belief in weakness, lack or loss is inherently tied to our belief in specialness or individuality. That is why Jesus tells us, “No needs will long be left unmet if you leave them all to Him Whose function is to meet them. That is His function, and not yours.” (T-16.1.7:4-5)

What is Jesus’ advice regarding all our relationships?

The Holy Spirit remembers we are all one and that we all still remain the same as we were created by God. We could never be weak in truth and we could never get sick and die. As we learn to step back and not think we know anything on our own, we leave room for the Holy Spirit to work through us. That is why Jesus gives us this advice in reference to all of our relationships: “What you give through Him is for the whole Sonship, not for part of it. Leave Him His function, for He will fulfill it if you but ask Him to enter your relationships, and bless them for you.” (T-16.1.7:8-9).

Click here to view Questions and Answers for the full ACIM Text.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2020

Finding Inner Guidance — Your True Self,  Free Weekly Teleconference

by Revs. Cindy Bartholome & Mike Atkins

A support group for the Pathways of Light program ”Listen & Receive” and for anyone interested in strengthening their awareness of their own Inner Teacher.

All Are Welcome!

Join us every week in a safe, loving and healing environment where we can share our thoughts and experiences, ask questions, experience beautiful and inspiring meditations and practice listening to the One True Loving Self within us all. For more information about this teleconference, click here.

Tuesday Evenings
at 7:30 p.m. Eastern time, 4:30 Pacific time
Call 605-475-4927, access code: 181133#
(Call a 10-15 minutes ahead)
Click here for tips for easy teleconference access.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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