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July-September, 2019

Heaven Is the Decision I Must Make

by Rev. Maria Kingsley, O.M.C.

Heaven, what is Heaven to me? To me, Heaven is Life itself, and so I want to be sure to know how to choose Life. I have recognized at times that Life is the Oneness with Spirit that brings me joy, freedom, peace of mind and all Guidance in the many different situations I find myself in. But I need to choose to be connected more often, more certainly; I want to remember where all things come from. And so I decide that Heaven is my Life. And yet, I don’t always remember to choose or decide. How do I stay connected and feel the clarity of Life with me at all times?

In Lesson 138 we are clearly told that we need to make a decision, and it must be for Heaven. This lesson describes how we will come to make the right decision, and what the path to Heaven is while we are in bodies.

I can say, with my small mind, that I make a decision and it is for Heaven. However, it is not just a simple thought that I can follow and stick with easily because the ego will have no part of it. I first need to gain control of my desires and know what I truly value, and I have not put any discipline into learning how to do this. The ego is much better at following its ways, and we are familiar and comfortable with this. How can we choose to follow our divine Guidance when the ego is so quick to mislead us, so insidious in its ways to deceive us, so vicious in attacking our true thoughts, and so pervasive in our mind and feelings while hiding its own goals and objectives? It takes effort on my part to take control away from that ‘thought of separation’ and again trust the Oneness of Heaven. 

First, we need to unlearn all that we thought we needed to know, all that we think keeps us safe, brings us the attention and love we thought we needed from our parents and the world around us. We have already decided what that is, and we trust our decisions we made with our small mind, usually as children, and on our own. We first have to realize that we did not get what we wanted. And then choose to make the right decision.

How can we make decisions we are still unclear about, don’t know really where it will lead, and then to stick to them?

Lesson 138, 1:3 says: “If Heaven exits, there must be hell as well, for contradiction is the way we make what we perceive, and what we think is real.”

And so we have to remember that we are in hell, but there seem to be two choices: Heaven or hell; love and fear are two different worlds which cannot join, and so we have two choices. However, how do we know that we choose the right one when it is sometimes not clear at all whether we are in hell or Heaven — because some part of our lives can feel like heaven temporarily, yet we have just been deceived?

Lesson 138, 2:1-8 continues: Creation knows no opposite. But here is opposition part of being ‘real.’ It is this strange perception of the truth that makes the choice of Heaven seem to be the same as the relinquishment of hell. It is not really thus. Yet what is true in God’s creation cannot enter here until it is reflected in some form the world can understand. Truth cannot come where it could only be perceived with fear. For this would be the error (that) truth can be brought to illusions. Opposition makes the truth unwelcome, and it cannot come.”

When we are faced with the decision to choose Heaven, we often think that we have to give up our lives, to sacrifice something we hold dear, to be afraid of the unknown that may be the real hell. We’ve accepted the idea that we have some kind of control over our lives; that we have learned well and we can rely on our learning from the past and so we feel at least familiar with the choices we have made so far.

What we seem to not fully realize is that Heaven has only the best and happiest of experiences in mind for us. It will guide us, protect us, tell us what to do, where to go, what to say and to whom, and be with us closer than our own breath. And yet, we need to learn that we want to follow guidance and trust the Holy Spirit. And that means we decide, we make the choice for Life, for Heaven.

“Choosing depends on learning. And the truth cannot be learned, but only recognized. In recognition its acceptance lies, and as it is accepted it is known. …Ours are teaching goals, to be attained through learning how to reach them, what they are, and what they offer you. Decisions are the outcome of your learning, for they rest on what you have accepted as the truth of what you are, and what your needs must be.” (W-pI.138.5.1-3, 5-6)

This tells me that I need to pay attention to my experiences, to be curious what will happen whether I decide for love or fear, or even whether I have decided to follow fear or love. The goal of Heaven is achieved by learning what the results are, what I truly want, what my needs must be. And who is asking these questions? When I can see that my Identity is not with my personality, my body, this physical life, then I can find ways to help me be more confident in choosing for Life, for my true Self.

The first 50 lessons of the Workbook are so helpful to recognize the truth. Among the many lessons, we learn and find out that we cannot rely on our old learning, on our small self, or on the ego, who just wants to keep us in the dark. We truly don’t know what anything means. Our thoughts are meaningless and preoccupied with the past and we are never upset for the reason we think are just a few of these lessons’ teachings.

At some point we begin to see that we are frequently choosing the wrong path. We begin to see that our fears, maybe anger, maybe embarrassment or anxiety have not taken us to where we want to go, and we are experiencing more and more problems in our lives. And so we begin to consider our choices. Time is on our side here, because that is what time is for. We walk slowly; we take baby steps and try to discern as best as we can, asking for guidance, listening and making some progress.

“Heaven is chosen consciously. The choice cannot be made until alternatives are accurately seen and understood. All that is veiled in shadows must be raised to understanding, to be judged again, this time with Heaven’s help. And all mistakes in judgment that the mind had made before are open to correction, as the truth dismisses them as causeless. Now are they without effects.” (W-pI.138.9:1-5)

This is what our journey through this earthly experience is. Life has been veiled and hidden, creating shadows in our mind. We are on an exploration of the truth. We must ask for Help in clearing our mind, in overcoming our fears of what we may find. All judgments we have of ourselves and others must be questioned and corrected. These are the anchors that hold us down, the hidden pulls that make us vacillate and fluctuate in our desires and allow old habits to trip us up.

“There is nothing so frustrating to a learner as a curriculum he cannot learn. His sense of adequacy suffers, and he must become depressed. Being faced with an impossible learning situation is the most depressing thing in the world. In fact, it is ultimately why the world itself is depressing. The Holy Spirit’s curriculum is never depressing, because it is a curriculum of joy. Whenever the reaction to learning is depression, it is because the true goal of the curriculum has been lost sight of.” (T-8.VII.8)

It is Joy that I want. I have learned that Joy is like pure currency: it gives me energy, it uplifts my mood, it clears my head, and I hear Guidance much better.

And so the Lesson ends with this:

“Heaven is the decision I must make. I make it now, and will not change my mind, because it is the only thing I want.” (W-pI.138.12:5-6)

And should I slide into doubting, Jesus suggests these lines:

I must have decided wrongly because I am not at peace.

I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.

I will to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.

I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.

I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me.” (T-5.VII.6:7-11)

And so I choose Life; I choose Heaven for it will bring me what I truly want.

Rev. Maria Kingsley is a Pathways of Light minister living in Tucson, Arizona. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  P.O. Box 35122 520-780-0170

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2019

Merely Look

by Joyce Peebles, Ministerial Candidate

Part of the definition of forgiveness is to merely look. To merely look sounds simple. Throughout the text of A Course in Miracles, Jesus asks us to “merely Look.” What does this mean? Merely looking does mean to see the deception, fear, or turmoil the ego portrays. It does mean for us to see that the ego’s guidance leads to attack thoughts, feelings of victimization and pain. It does not mean we see the treachery of the ego and recoil or try to get rid of it. It does not mean we see its ugliness and try to make it “better” as if we could improve it. Jesus is not asking us to let the ego go. He is asking us to realize that the one looking at the ego is not the ego. We are looking at what we have made, it is not us. This realization gradually ends our identification with the ego.

To understand that the ego does not have any power, does nothing, and is nothing, is everything. The ego made up this world of separation. We are literally pretending that it is real and suffer because of what we see in it. Holy Spirit helps us remember it is not real. We can choose to “merely look” and not suffer. We don’t have to believe what the ego tells us is real.

Lesson 93 tells us, “It (the ego) does not battle with the Son of God. It does not hurt him, nor attack his peace.” We don’t need to be afraid of it. We do need to recognize our desire to give it power and meaning. In the process of ‘Merely looking” we don’t engage, there is no efforting.

If I decide to do more than “merely look” my ego gets busy analyzing. As soon as I try to analyze something based on form I am wrong. In the gospel of Thomas, there is a verse that says, “Be a passerby.” Sounds like “merely looking” to me.

I am presently practicing merely looking at what I consider “big deals” in my life. When I remember that not for one instant is the body real, merely looking is much easier. Most of the time I actually need do nothing physically. However, in my Mind, I am doing plenty.

I remind myself that if what I think I’m seeing is not love, then love is being asked for. I remind myself who I really AM and who they really are. I remind myself that I want peace instead of conflict.

When Jesus asks us to merely look he never intended for us to do it alone. He states and promises He is with us at all times. This is comforting because what I see in this made-up world can be vicious and frightening.

There are times when it seems the thought that Jesus is with me is “not enough” and I want some comfort with “skin on it.” This is when I call or go see a like minded friend who I know will help me see this situation differently. I am grateful for all of the Sonship, even the ones who appear to be separate from me. When I pause and merely look, I remember we are all One. This is salvation.

Joyce Peebles is a POL student from Hot Springs, AR. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2019

Well, Son of a Gun

by Kethy Croy, Ministerial Candidate

Yep, that’s the title, or theme I heard after an intense session with the Holy Spirit this morning. He uses terminology like that to amuse and astound me. And, astounded I was!

Just to set the stage, let me give you the cliff notes of “my story.” It’s a psychological mind-bender with only small doses of wild romance and very little in terms of thrilling. It’s important for me to share the “highlights” or, more appropriately “lowlights” of this saga for perspective. However, I would hazard a guess that my story is not unlike every other story with different names, faces, and zip codes.

I was born into a family, second of eight children, alcoholic abusive father and emotionally passive mother.

I was raised Catholic and was determined to be the very best at my catechism and church attendance.

I was never popular in school, but then none of us believe we were.

When I was a senior in high school, I met the man of my dreams, became pregnant, gave the baby up for adoption and attempted to proceed with my so-called life.

Shortly after I returned to my hometown after the baby’s birth, I met a guy who thought I had nice legs. I figured that must be my savior out of shame since he didn’t judge me for my “sin,” so I agreed to marry him just a few months later.

Over the past 50 years we had six children and 14 grandchildren, all accomplished, bright, beautiful, and achieving the level of success I always dreamed of.

As far as the marriage goes, he has acquired many expensive cars (his version of love), more than a couple of extracurricular relationships (his version of acceptance) and has been emotionally absent.

I have had many prestigious jobs (my version of love and acceptance) through the years, and have been quickly relied upon and promoted, even though I only have a high school education.

My current dream job has been eliminated and I have experienced physical, emotional and spiritual upheaval since.

This morning as I sat with the Course, straining for comfort and a level of peace, I cried out to the Holy Spirit about my plight. The agony was in my belly, the grief was on my lips, and my thoughts were swirling like a tornado. I had been reciting Lesson 109 throughout the night as I attempted to sleep. “I rest in God.”

As I sat contemplating my role in the Sonship, details of the above story presented themselves in living color. I remembered instances while raising my children when they needed items of clothing, or school supplies and my husband would always make me feel guilty and ashamed for asking for money. I still recall the heaviness in my gut as I knew none of his cars ever wanted for anything. Then came the shame. The shame for having remained in this relationship when we were always the last priority.

After this parade of horror had passed through my awareness, I kept my head bowed as I handed over the grief, the shame, the guilt and asked for healing. That was all it took. The Holy Spirit gently unfolded Reality to me in that moment.

I have done this to myself.

At the very beginning of the Course in Chapter 1 we are told: 

“Perfect love casts out fear. If fear exists,Then there is not perfect love. BUT: Only perfect love exists. If there is fear, It produces a state that does not exist.”

So, if I’m not feeling this “perfect love” the situation I think I’m in is not real. Well, that’s what I’ve been learning and “believing” for the past 10 or so years I’ve been a student of the Course. But today I heard it loud and clear.

The litany of offenses heaped upon me by “others” over the years have been my own construct. My own fabrication. I authored it. I accomplished it. And now I’m going to proceed on with business as usual as if the storyline is true and I’m the suffering heroine? The absurdity sat down hard on my awareness today. Thank you, God!

If I continue to not only believe the drama I’ve written, but also portraying my “role” with all the offense and victimization that the story holds, how can I be victorious? How can I fulfill my function here as God’s son? Inconceivable!

In section VII of Text Chapter 1 the Course is very clear about this fantasy vs. reality:

“Fantasy is a distorted form of vision. Fantasies of any kind are distortions, because they always involve twisting perception into unreality. Actions that stem from distortions are literally the reactions of those who know not what they do. Fantasy is an attempt to control reality according to false needs. Twist reality in any way and you are perceiving destructively. Fantasies are a means of making false associations and attempting to obtain pleasure from them. But although you can perceive false associations, you can never make them real except to yourself. YOU BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU MAKE. If you offer miracles, you will be equally strong in your belief in them. The strength of your conviction will then sustain the belief of the miracle receiver. Fantasies become totally unnecessary as the wholly satisfying nature of reality becomes apparent to both giver and receiver. Reality is “lost” through usurpation, which produces tyranny. As long as a single “slave” remains to walk to the earth, your release is not complete. Complete restoration of the Sonship is the only goal of the miracle-minded.” (T-1.VII.3)

Well, son of a gun. I finally got it. I got it experientially this time. I had been making the truths and precepts of the Course fit into this dream and they just didn’t fit. Rightly so!

I’m going to give the disclaimer you see in movie credits: “The people, places, and circumstances depicted here are completely illusory. There is absolutely no reality to any of it.”

“I will forgive, and this will disappear.” (Lesson 193)

THE END of my false accusations and ridiculous illusory stories. Enough of my ridiculous perceived needs. I rest in God!

Kathy Croy is a POL student from Cedar Rapids, IA. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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July-September, 2019

Angels to the Rescue

by Tacey Reese, Ministerial Candidate

The day started out calmly enough. I was riding with a friend, Leslie, to visit some friends of hers at their vacation cabin in the mountains above the Buffalo River here in Arkansas. It was early Spring and the trees were just starting to green out and the mountains were coming back to life after a long winter sleep. We talked as we drove, sipping coffee and enjoying the peacefulness of the rural countryside. Little did we know how dramatically the day would change in just a few hours.

We arrived at Melissa and Gwen’s cabin shortly before noon and sat down to a scrumptious lunch of home-raised ham and salad. I was enjoying getting to know these two women. They both worked as ER nurses and had lots of stories to share. I didn’t know then how fortunate we would be later to have an experienced nurse at hand.

The atmosphere was comfortable and lively and we all enjoyed our meal and conversation. After lunch, we walked around their property, seeing the sights. Grapevines starting to bud, the apple orchard, an enchanted forest grove in the far pasture where you were fairly certain fairies must come to play just because of the magic that hung over that secluded, private place.

Melissa and Gwen had brought their horses with them and it was decided we would take a horse and buggy ride. What fun, I thought! I had experience in riding astride when I was younger but had never been in a horse-drawn carriage. A draft mare named Bella was chosen to pull the buggy and then Gwen picked out another horse to ride astride as there was only room for three of us in the buggy. We piled in and set out for the river, clip-clop, clip-clop, a gentle breeze blowing and the sun shining brightly in a blue sky.

How much more perfect could a day in the country get? Just as that thought crossed my mind, Bella spooked and started bucking a little. I wasn’t alarmed at first. After all, Melissa was an experienced horsewoman and she had the reins. But Bella was not responding to the reins nor to commands. She suddenly started galloping full speed down the mountain. We were on a narrow gravel road with large rocks lining one side and a steep drop-off down the side of the mountain on the other.

By now the buggy was bearing down on Bella as she kept galloping faster and faster down the mountainside. She started rearing, then kicking the buggy. I could hear Gwen yelling behind us as she tried to keep up, “Rein her in!” I saw Melissa hand one rein to Leslie and now they were each using both hands to try to rein Bella in. But Bella was having none of it. I saw her hooves flash in front of my face as she continued kicking at the buggy. I drew back and realized she had kicked both of my buggy companions already.

We were careening down the gravel road now and the buggy itself was starting to fall apart from Bella kicking it. It was obvious this situation was not going to end well. I felt terrified and totally helpless. At least Melissa and Leslie were doing something even if it wasn’t working. I wanted to take action but I had no idea what to do. I moved into panic.

I wondered if we should take our chances and jump out of the buggy but that didn’t seem wise with all the big rocks along the road, or the possibility of tumbling down a jagged mountainside. Then I heard, “Call on your angels.” It wasn’t an external voice. It was an internal one.

So I said, “Angels, thank you so much for enfolding your wings around us and protecting us from further harm.” That’s when the miracle occurred. I suddenly felt totally peaceful and accepting of the situation and the outcome.

Now, we’re still flying down the mountain road and Bella is kicking the buggy apart and my friends are screaming and cursing (Leslie would later call it her F-it prayer which made us all laugh) and Gwen is galloping to catch up to us and I can hear her yelling too.

I’m totally still and perched on the buggy seat (there’s no longer a front board between us and Bella), hanging on for dear life, and somehow I know that everything is okay, that there is nothing I can do in this situation and that that’s okay too. As strange as it sounds, it may have been the most peaceful I’ve ever felt. Peaceful and certain. I was absolutely certain that no matter what happened, all was well. The thought did cross my mind that was an odd way to feel considering that it appeared we were heading for certain disaster, yet the feeling was so overpowering there was no way my mind could argue with it. I surrendered to the peace of God.

Next thing I know I’m flying through the air and I hear the internal voice again. “Hold your head up.” I do and then I hit the ground. I would have landed face down if I had not been given that instruction, and broken my glasses for sure and maybe worse.

I’m breathless and can’t speak because the wind has been knocked out of me but I can move gingerly so I look around to find my friends. All three of us had been thrown out and landed close together in a six foot area on the roadside where there were no rocks. We’re covered in mud, Melissa’s glasses are broken and she and Leslie have obvious leg injuries but we’re all alive! Bella had broken free somehow and she was out of sight although we could still hear her galloping down the road.

Gwen came running up, checked us all out, got back on her horse and retrieved Bella, then went for a vehicle to pick us up. She took us back to the cabin where she pulled out a top notch first aid kit and attended to our wounds. We were hours away from a hospital. Gwen saw the entire accident and couldn’t believe that we were not hurt more badly or killed. The buggy was totaled but Bella was unharmed (we never knew what spooked her) and we suffered no broken bones. Later I would find out that I had dislocated my collarbone and bruised my liver but I was in absolutely no physical pain at the time.

I know the angels saved us from further harm. I recalled these lines from A Course in Miracles: W-Epilogue.6:6-8, “You do not walk alone. God’s angels hover near and all about. His Love surrounds you, and of this be sure: that I will never leave you comfortless.” I experienced the truth of these words that day.

Those moments of peaceful transcendence are priceless to me and I recognize the metaphor for our lives. When we let go and trust and allow ourselves to be at peace and know that all is well no matter the appearance, we thrive and grow and embody more fully who we really are. God’s Precious Child.

Thank you, Angels. Thank you, Brother Jesus. And thank you, God.

Tacey Reese is a Ministerial Candidate from Benton, Arkansas. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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