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April-June, 2015

My Story

by Maura Williams

Something happened to me in my 50’s. I’d been married to the same wonderful man for a very long time. We’d raised two girls, and by all appearances had a very nice life. There was only one problem. I was not happy. I bounced between content and miserable but I never felt truly happy. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was that was bothering me. It seemed like my unhappiness was caused by so many different things. I tried to laugh it off as a mid-life crisis until someone told me I was well past middle age. Somehow that didn’t seem funny to me.

Finally I decided to do something different. I went back to school part time and I started reading A Course in Miracles. This was my second attempt at reading it. Someone suggested I find a study group this time, so I looked online and found a group that met at our public library. Rev. John Vise was the facilitator. I shot him a quick email with my contact information and he got right back to me and invited me to attend. I had no idea my life was about to change.

I experienced a lot of conflict in myself when I started studying the Course. I was no longer comfortable in the church I’d gone to for twenty years. I no longer understood myself or God or my friends in the way I had before. I could no longer sit through a sermon where the pastor preached to me about sinfulness and the decent of man. Even the Sunday school class I had enjoyed in the past, now felt like a place I had to hold my new beliefs to myself. I felt lost but afraid to take a stand and say, “I no longer believe this.”

John eventually started the Center for Spiritual Oneness here in Hot Springs. I wanted to join, but I lacked the courage. I was afraid to let go of my old church, my old friends, but most of all to say to my husband of 35 years, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Gradually I came to see I was living a lie in many areas of my life. I had spent the last 50 plus years making myself into the wife I thought my husband needed me to be and the mother I thought my now grown children needed. I had made myself stay in a church I no longer fit into and I was holding on to a job I had long ago outgrown. I was always pushing myself to be something or someone I was not. More than anything I wanted to start being honest. I wanted to be who I was and not some made up version of myself. I realized in order to be honest I had a lot of letting go to do. 2014 was my year of letting go. 

• I let go of a long held concept of myself. I let go of every single concept of My self and My life and how it could or should or would be.

• I let go of “if only” and “when” and I accepted now and what is.

• I let go of a job and my perception of who I was in that position and I accepted my real job as a teacher of God.

• I let go of my belief in God as I was taught (by well meaning people) to believe in God. I realized what I believed about God told me a lot about what I believed about myself.

• I let go of my concept of marriage and what I thought a marriage is or should be and I accepted myself as I am and presented that self to my beloved husband.

• I let go of my sister as a body. She transitioned the day after her 55th birthday. She may be the longest living person with her disease. Letting go of Betsy was hard, but I learned we really are one. She is part of me. I thought I imagined this while she was living here on earth, but now that she is gone I hear her voice and know she is part of me. Yes, I still miss her physical presence, but her Spirit is right here. Her sense of humor, the happy way she looked at things, they are all here and part of me.

Today I have a new part time job I love. I joined the Center for Spiritual Oneness and regularly attend. Sunday mornings I facilitate a study group on the Workbook for Students. I’m involved in a 503c non-profit group called Adamah Kedoshah — The Sacred Space and I write for their blog. Things are really looking up for me and this week I decided to start the Pathways of Light ministerial training.

I asked John if he’d be my facilitator. He was my first A Course in Miracles teacher and now he’s my pastor, my study group leader and my Pathways of Light facilitator for my ministerial training. I’m no longer telling God “no” and I’m no longer afraid. I’m in His hands, I’m at peace and I’m very, very happy.

Maura Williams is a Pathways of Light ministerial candidate living in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2015

Living in the World While Waking Up

by Rev. Tarra Bennett, O.M.C.

My husband and I were returning from our Christmas vacation by car, which is not exactly the time of year for exploring as the back roads are sometimes blocked by snow. However the scenery can be very beautiful along the ocean towns where we live, even in wintertime, so we decided to treat ourselves as we had the entire day.

The first three towns we visited had easy access and the drive through each town was relaxing and scenic.

However, the fourth town that we decided to check out was on a dirt road that extended twenty-five kilometers off the main highway. My husband, Steve, was having second thoughts due to the distance and the road. However, he decided to go along with me since I really wanted to explore. Knowing that it was a dirt road, it would be more remote and more inviting for me.

The road was very bumpy with a few potholes and we were surrounded by the freshly fallen untouched snow. As we got within a kilometer of the town, my husband suddenly stopped the car and said, “I need to check something.” He got out and walked around the car. I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw him standing, looking off in the distance.

I knew that he wasn’t just enjoying the scenery. I asked him if everything was okay and he responded with, “we have a flat.”

I got out of the car to assess the situation with him. We decided to put air in the tire, but it didn’t hold because of the split in the side. We both looked at each other and smiled, feeling a little nervousness in the pit of our stomachs. My husband knew that we had a donut, but the closest garage that we knew of was 100 kilometers away and we didn’t want to drive that distance on a donut, especially since it was late Saturday afternoon, Christmas time, the weather was beginning to look increasingly stormy, and if we didn’t get a new tire today, we’d likely have to wait until Monday.

We decided to walk into town because maybe there would be a garage that could either sell us a new tire, or fix our deflated tire. We walked along holding hands and enjoyed how the silence evoked a peaceful feeling.

As we approached the town there was a man walking in his yard. He stopped and looked at us and asked if we needed anything. We asked if there was a garage in town. He replied, “No, no one lives here. This is one of the towns that was relocated forty years ago. My wife and I had no intentions of being here today, but we decided to stop by anyway and check on our cottage.

We asked if we could phone a garage nearby and he said, “There is no cell service in this area.”  He asked us where we were located. We told him about a kilometer down the road. He offered to help us and said he would come by with his truck.

John arrived about ten minutes later. He too tried putting air in the tire and didn’t succeed. He then tried to fix the tire with a kit he had; it didn’t work either. Steve was trying to remove from the trunk of our car the tools to remove the tire, but it was full of luggage so John suggested using his tools. John removed the tire, tried to fix it, and couldn’t.

My husband dug out the spare. He had all contents on the ground in the snow. John decided to take over and replace the tire for us. Within minutes, he had replaced the tire, easily and effortlessly.

We offered him money for his efforts and kindness, he said, “I’m just happy to help you, and sorry I couldn’t do more for you.” He was great. Good east coast hospitality. We said goodbye and we were off.  It would be getting dark soon.

My husband started driving back to the highway, but we soon came upon a steep hill. It had been no problem on the way in going down the hill, but going back up the hill with a donut to replace one of our front tires (our car is front-wheel drive), and in the snow, wasn’t quite so easy. We had trouble gaining traction and found ourselves stuck halfway up the hill.

Luckily, there were a few single lines of dirt off to the side of the road. I suggested driving the car so that our good tire would hit those lines of dirt, thereby providing traction.

Steve backed up the car (a risky proposition on a hill that you can’t get to the top of) so that our good front tire was in line with the dirt. He then got out of the car and let me take over the driving.  He tried pushing while I tried to slowly give enough gas to get the car moving forward again. The donut was spinning madly in the snow, but the gravel managed to give our good tire enough traction that we could slowly start to build momentum and soon we were at the top of the hill. Thank goodness we made it.

Steve then got in the car on the passenger’s side and I continued to drive. We still had to drive about 20 kilometers to get back to the highway, but we soon made it. By now it was starting to get dark. The closest town was still an hour’s drive away and it was starting to snow again. We knew that in order to get to there, we would have to drive another eighty kilometers on a spare, which you are only supposed to travel fifty kilometers on.

It was snowing heavy, drifting, and the snow was collecting rapidly on the road. I was alert and very focused on driving.

We made it just in time. We pulled up to the garage at five p.m. closing time. The mechanic had washed up and was removing his coveralls. The garage had just closed, but the lights were still on.

I knocked on the window so the mechanic could see me. He stepped outside to see what I wanted. We explained our situation and he said, “If you check with the front office and they approve it I will fix it for you.”

Steve stayed with the mechanic. I quickly drove to the front of the building and ran inside to speak with the attendant. He said, “Sorry, we are closed.” I responded with, “The mechanic is willing to fix it, if he has your approval.” He sent one of the other workers out to approve the work order without much convincing.

The mechanic removed the tire, checked it, and said that we needed to replace it. He checked his stock and found that he had one tire that would fit the car from last year’s stock. He sold it to us for half price.

It was fixed, and we were finished in half an hour. We thanked the mechanic and off we went feeling happy. We still had another thirty-minute drive to get home. Steve drove, and as we drove home we reflected on how beautiful the day was, and how everything unfolded with such ease and grace. Not once did either of us blame each other. We stayed supportive and in good spirits all the way through the ordeal by applying the principles of “A Course in Miracles.”

My husband and I are both avid students of A Course in Miracles.

There was a time in our lives when the same situation would not have flowed so easily.

Rev. Tarra Bennett, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Grand Beach, Newfoundland Canada.
Email:tarrabennett@gmail.com Website: http://www.healingfromwith.ca, www.schoolofforgiveness.com

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2015

Being Drawn In

by Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C.

Why have I been so strongly drawn to the teachings of A Course in Miracles? I had no previous strong spiritual beliefs. Although I attended Sunday school and became confirmed at age 13 as a Presbyterian, I stopped attending church and praying shortly after.

When I was a kid, I prayed for certain outcomes to take place that didn’t happen. Looking back, the things I prayed for were insignificant. I lost faith, however, that God was listening or watching me. Later on, the dogma of organized religion turned me off, as did the long history of violence in the name of God.

For the next 30 years I developed an agnostic philosophy. I basically professed that I didn’t know the truth about God but I certainly did not believe in any of those religions with their stories and their rules. I also didn’t believe there was any connection between a Higher Power and me. Sadly, I held on to thoughts like that for a long time.

My first “crash and burn” experience was my divorce. It unexpectedly brought me to a place where I recognized I needed spiritual help. A friend handed me an audiotape of Marianne Williamson. It was not the type of material that I would have been open to previously. She spoke of a different way of seeing the world.

Soon after, I went to see her speak in NYC and I bought the three books of A Course in Miracles following her lecture. I read Lesson 1 on the way home on the train.

I started with the Workbook. Marianne had said that doing the ACIM Workbook could be compared to lifting weights. You don’t have to believe it or like it. You just have to do it. And you will get stronger … spiritually stronger. For some reason that message resonated strongly in me.

I cannot say I liked the Workbook lessons right away but was determined to give them a fair shake. Looking back, somewhere in the first 50 lessons I had developed a connection to Holy Spirit. I did as the lesson suggested and connected to it throughout the day as instructed.

The Workbook was working me in a way I did not yet understand. I can’t explain my devotion to it but it was a strong calling. That was more than 20 years ago. I can say with conviction I never really put the book down.

I sometimes wonder what made me keep going back to the book? I was confused by what the Course was saying. I had no background in metaphysics. “What does that mean?” was my constant refrain.

There was something else, though. I had this unmistakable feeling that I had stumbled upon the Truth and it was being spoken to me in this modern document as a form of spiritual psychotherapy. I felt like the Author was talking to me personally a on a deeper level. He asked me for a little willingness. I felt I wanted to give Him more than that.
Although I did not yet understand the Course intellectually, my heart felt that I was holding the Truth in my hands. Holy Spirit reached deep inside me. I did not know what was happening but a transformation was taking place.

Through those Workbook lessons I developed a relationship with Holy Spirit that has continued to grow and give me the strength I need to navigate through this “dream” with Love. Although the challenges of this dream of mine continue and even intensify, I feel the power of forgiveness working in me.

I try to be aware of which teacher’s hand I am holding in the moment. I try to notice when I am with the ego … and to pause … step back … step aside … let Spirit guide me. I try to forgive myself or “let it go” when I choose the ego. I try not to judge my brothers when it seems obvious that they have chosen wrongly. “Progress, not perfection” seems to be an appropriate slogan for me here.

Practicing the Workbook lessons builds trust in the process. Healing is the result. Fear dissipates. Spiritual strength transforms the world into the Happy Dream. I have been drawn in by the Love in ACIM. It has been the Love all along and it is serving me well.

Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Long Beach, New York. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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April-June, 2015

The One About Lesson 2

by Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C.

“I have given everything I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] all the meaning it has for me.” (W-pI.2)

It was Sunday, February 1st, about noon. I was up at our cabin on Whidbey Island preparing for my partner, Nancy, (who was in Seattle picking up my granddaughter,) and about a dozen friends, who were coming over to watch the Superbowl. I had the big screen TV on the pre game activities. Company was starting to arrive with enough food and treats to party through the evening, and Nancy made the 1:30 ferry. This game was going to be the most watched event in history! All was well! All was perfect!

By the time the game started the cabin could scarcely hold in the merriment, camaraderie, joy and hysterical screaming as we all cheered for our Seahawks. No way were we going to lose! In the midst of our gathering, I looked around at everyone and felt so much peace. It was just a Sunday afternoon and the unity and fellowship and singleness of purpose were expanding the energy of love immeasurably. Were we in the company of the Holy Spirit or hanging out with the ego? Guess what meaning I assigned to the day! The lead in the game changed several times, but no worry — our combined faith, would overcome any score deficit.

Twenty some seconds left, we were 34 inches from the goal line. We had three chances to score. All we had to do was give the ball to our running back, the greatest running back in all of football this year, get out of his way and the victory would be ours! The second Superbowl win in two years! We were near riotous with joyful anticipation! Then came what is now referred to as the worst play call in Superbowl history. We passed the ball and it was intercepted. Game over. The impossible became possible. We lost.

Heaven became hell. Discouraged, resentful, angry and disbelieving what we just witnessed, everyone left. I apologized to my granddaughter for such a debacle, Nancy had to catch a ferry, a couple of friends glanced at the mess everywhere and offered to help clean up, but I said, “No.” I wanted to be alone. How could this have happened? What a terrible day, what a terrible game, what a terrible coach to call such a terrible play. Hey, I know it was only a game, but I was almost sick to my stomach.

I sat on the couch to go over again what happened; apparently I was planning on making myself even feel worse, when I thought of lesson 2. Didn’t I just spend one of the happiest afternoons of my life with loved ones and friends? What happened to the love? It wasn’t even in my consciousness. Did the outcome of a game destroy the joy we all felt for seven hours? When you are mentally ill, the answer seems to be “yes!”

Did I (and only me) give the day all the meaning it had for me? I went from heaven to hell by a perception? Why would I do that? I physically felt peace flow into me. I looked around the cabin again and saw no mess at all, only remnants of day filled with love. What power to be able to give anything and everything at anytime whatever meaning I want to! I didn’t lose anything, I won! Can happiness really be as easy as, “seeing things differently?” That almost sounds like a miracle, huh!

Just this morning I was asked at a coffee shop, “Where were you at that horrible moment?” I smiled and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about, that was one of the best days of my life!” (Believe me, I’m used to people looking at me as if I’m crazy.) PS. For the record, the Patriots didn’t really win, we handed them the game!

Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Seattle, Washington. E-mail: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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