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July-September, 2013

The One About Anger

by Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C.

I opened the Course the other day and was drawn to the conditions necessary for anger to manifest; “Anger cannot occur unless you believe that you have been attacked, that your attack is justified in return, and that you are in no way responsible for it.” (T-6.Intro.1:3)

With curiosity, I contemplated how those words might be helpful to me. Lately my life seems to be pretty much anger free. (Hey, sometimes it happens — don’t be so surprised!) Because I really believed there was a message for me, I felt much opened to receive.

For 25+ years I have been active in a 12 step program. Every week, and sometimes it seems every day, I meet with people in this program. The recent complaints brought to me for discussion can be summed up like this; anger at my partner, anger at my boss, anger at my adult son, anger at a physical disease and anger at life in general. It sure didn’t take long for me to see that the teachers in my life currently seem consumed with anger.

The manner in which the stories were presented to me was remarkably similar. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and bad things started happening to me. I had to retaliate because I was wronged. Others need to realize they can’t treat me like they do. How can I make others change?” Inside, I smiled at their complaints. I have entertained every one of them many times. On the outside, I looked interested, attentive and sympathetic. The thought, “Someone/something outside of me made me angry,” is the barrier that will forever keep healing at bay.

Confusing my uninterrupted listening with support, my friends repeated their stories of “justified anger.” Like a closing courtroom statement, the evidence of justification was again presented. (Apparently they must have thought the fifth time telling the story would be the charm.) What was really going on here? How could I be helpful, if help was even being asked for? What should I say to them?

I noticed an interesting state of mind in myself. The feeling of being “separate” from them was strong, in the sense of, “I am looking at situations differently than you are.” But also the feeling of “connectedness” was present too. “I know exactly how you feel, because I have believed as you do.” Recalling that these people came to me, I asked, “Are you suffering because of the situation you think you are in?” To a person, after a brief pause, the answer was a form of “Well, I really wouldn’t call it suffering, it’s just that I am being treated unfairly and I need to make it stop.”

Trying not to laugh out loud, my guidance became perfectly clear. “Am I harboring any resentment? The Holy Spirit, the Voice of Reason, assured me I was. The judgment I was making regarding my friends was the judgment I was making on myself. Almost 27 years in a 12 step program, 10 years of studying the Course, an ordained minister and I can still meet the conditions for anger perfectly and not see it. I too can experience hell and deny it. Any resentment I hold is proof positive.

As it turned out, these friends of mine were not asking for any help at all, although they did “thank” me for help. Remember, all I did was listen and notice that at the end of the conversation they stated, “All is well, as long as others will change.” Now, “as it turned out” looked at differently, I was the one who was helped. Spirit showed me through friends, how blind I can be to Reality. Do I still believe that some anger/resentments are justified? (Yes.) Do I still believe I can be unfairly treated? (Yes.) Do I still believe I am in no way responsible for these thoughts? (Yes.) Am I willing to have my thoughts corrected and live in peace? (Hell yes!)

Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Seattle, Washington.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2013

My Experience of the “Gift of Lilies” Conference

by Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C.

I have attended several ACIM conferences over the past 5 years since my retirement from teaching high school history classes. This recent conference in Chicago, however, was a particularly special treat for me. I felt honored to be a presenter with Myron Jones representing Pathways of Light.

Myron and I split the two 75 minute presentations, telling our stories of how turning to Holy Spirit has affected our experiences in life. I spoke for the first half of the presentation followed by Myron. We had not coordinated our presentations in any way ahead of time — but somehow our message seemed unified. Our connection to Holy Spirit has given us strength to handle tragedy with love and forgiveness (the Gift of Lilies) — instead of fear and guilt (the crown of thorns). We both put Spirit in charge and then talked from the heart. And it felt good.

Primarily because I was a speaker at the conference, I had the opportunity to meet and talk with many more people than I did in previous conferences. I felt a special charge going through me throughout the entire weekend in Chicago. The Congress Plaza Hotel, built in 1893, was impressive and its location on Michigan Ave. put much of the city’s highlights and beauty right on our doorstep. I felt excited by everything inside and outside the hotel.

The biggest impression that remains with me, however, was the love I felt from the people in attendance. The people who study ACIM are certainly not cut from one mold. The more time I spent getting to know a person, the more interesting and unique each one became. They all seemed very different from each other. But as we have learned, we all are the same. We all share the same Mind, the same Source. That concept was in my mind more that weekend than, perhaps, ever before.

The style of the presenters was certainly not the same but the core message always was. In different ways the speakers encouraged their listeners to trust that their Inner Teacher was always there for guidance. The personalities were very different from each other. For example, Pathways’ own Mary Gerard Lenihan may have a totally different approach to reaching her audience than does, let’s say, Earl Purdy. Despite this difference in style, the message remained consistent: We are focused on attaching to the Love of which we are all a part.

It seems natural that we might resonate with one approach better than another. Certainly my ego personality starts to judge and become a critic. My heart might be wide open to one speaker while struggling to stay focused with another. In speaking with others later about the presentations, I was often surprised to hear that their favorite was not mine at all. It made me remember that there are many ways to extend Love. Only the Truth is true — but the presentation of the Truth comes in a variety of ways.

My lasting impression was of the gratitude I felt for having A Course in Miracles in my life. There was a joy that came from seeing the Love in my brothers and joining with them. There was an increase in the trust that I am gaining in this process of handing my thoughts to Spirit for purification.

Through the leadership of Rev. Tony Ponticello and the staff from the San Francisco based Community Miracles Center, the ACIM community joined together and put out a quality product — three powerful days of ACIM spirituality. It charged up my battery and further developed my trust in the process of joining with my brothers to receive and extend Love. I made some new friends and I am grateful for such an experience.

Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Long Beach, New York.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2013

The Last Betrayal

Rev. Cathy Doran, O.M.C.

Recently I experienced a betrayal. Someone I love did something so hurtful that it changed our relationship forever. My heart was broken. For days, in fact, I thought the relationship would be ended. When I first discovered what had happened, I shook violently for hours. I cried from a deep well in my chest. In the midst of this, though, I found that I could not name the emotion. It was not anger. Looking back, I think it was a great sadness. I felt lost. I reached for Holy Spirit, not really knowing what to ask for, only knowing the answer lay with Him.

The next morning I saw the traitor and was overcome with disgust. Accusations unspoken filled my mind. I planned the confrontation, playing it over and over in my mind, wanting to be clear. I was miserable.

Holy Spirit, I know this is not Truth, let me see this differently.

I recalled times when I had been betrayed, my best girlfriend, my first husband.

Holy Spirit, why do I attract cheaters?

I recalled times when I had been the betrayer of friends and husband. And then I remembered myself, as a little girl in the third grade.

She loved God and wanted to be a nun when she grew up. She always wanted to do what was right. She knew all of her prayers and studied the catechism diligently. Then one day, in catechism class, she couldn’t remember the answer to a test question. She remembered studying it, and knew she knew it, but she couldn’t remember. Her eyes wandered to her neighbor’s paper and there it was. As soon as she wrote it down the guilt enveloped her. That was the first time I ever felt guilt. I was never able to speak this horrible sin in the confessional. I carried it with me.

Knowing that I was now unworthy of God, I lost my dream of living the cloistered life, though I have never lost the desire for it. I had many friends, but I always saw their failings as greater than their strengths. I became a liar and a cheat, all the while despising dishonesty in others. I became an adulterer and the victim of infidelity. So, there it was, ego’s evil thread of separation weaving through my life.

Ah, thank you, Holy Spirit. I see now. I but betray myself.

And so the time for confrontation came. Exposed, the traitor admitted the deed but with justification rather than remorse. I was seething with anger and threatened separation. The traitor’s head hung low with the realization of consequences to be paid. He later likened himself to the fabled farmer’s dog: Once upon a time there was a farmer who had a dog. One day the farmer heard a commotion in the barnyard and went to check it out. There was his trusted, loyal dog with a mouth full of feathers and a chicken limping away to the Hen House. Moral: If you lose the trust of a friend, you may never get it back.

And I came across a quote from Lady Gaga about trust: “Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that %$#** *&^%$#’s reflection.”

I don’t want to see a crack in the mirror. I wanted to be able to trust again, completely, without seeing the scar where it had been broken. It came to me that a mirror can only reflect. It cannot show reality. My mentor once said, “If you smear your lipstick, do you try to fix it by wiping the mirror?” The cracked mirror reflected only the special relationship. The Holy Relationship can never be broken. I felt the heaviness of separation and longed for healing.

Oh, Holy Spirit! I cannot see my brother’s innocence. I cannot see him with the eyes of Christ. I see only the lies of this world that I have made and I do not know how to see this differently. Holy Spirit, take this from me. I do not want this. It serves me no more. I want only the Will of God.

I felt moved to send the betrayer a message of love and forgiveness, but did not. The desire to extend love to my brother grew and I finally sent the message. The response was miraculous, the most intimate message of vulnerability he had ever shared with me. In that moment, in that very moment, I saw the innocence. My brother had forgotten who he was and my only purpose is to remind him. My judgment of him was immediately lifted and I heard then, the Song of Prayer in my heart and remembered my holiness. 

Thank you, Holy Spirit. Thank you for showing me that I can never be betrayed.

Lesson 265: I have indeed misunderstood the world, because I laid my sins on it and saw them looking back at me. How fierce they seemed! And how deceived was I to think that what I feared was in the world, instead of in my mind alone. Today I see the world in the celestial gentleness with which creation shines. There is no fear in it. Let no appearance of my sins obscure the light of Heaven shining on the world. What is reflected there is in God’s Mind. The images I see reflect my thoughts. Yet is my mind alone with God’s. And so I can perceive creation’s gentleness.

In quiet would I look upon the world, which but reflects Your Thoughts, and mine as well. Let me remember that they are the same and I will see creation’s gentleness.

The little girl in the third grade is forgiven. I shall never again experience betrayal.

Rev. Cathy Doran, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Hot Springs Village, Arkansas

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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July-September, 2013

Radical Empathy

Rev. Kimberly Beck, O.M.C., C.Ht.

A Course in Miracles teaches us that we can read and apply the Text and Workbook lesson exercises in complete silence and still make a HUGE impact on the world. However, we discover and learn about ourselves in relationship to each other. As we interact with each other, we become aware of the areas in our mind where we need healing and ask for assistance from Holy Spirit to show us the way home to His truth.

Hmmm… We learn in Relationship with each other. Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes it’s not. I attended a Unity Church service some 20 years ago and I remember the Minister, Jack Boland, saying one Sunday… “You can go to all these workshops, read spiritual books, meditate and attend seminars… I‘ll tell you the secret… ”Get into a relationship. It’s the best seminar in town!” At first I thought it was funny… until I got married. We were married in December and I was in counseling by the following March. Being so uncomfortable and unhappy, I knew I had to do something. The first thing I learned was: We were both so unhealed emotionally that it was going to be a long and hard life unless things changed. I started my real journey then, believing I had to do my own individual healing before we could come together and heal as a couple and as a family.

I began to realize that my individual work was the key. The key to knowing who I am on all levels — physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Our emotions are life-lines to self-awareness and self-preservation that deeply connect us to ourselves and each other. The more connected we are to ourselves, the more available we can be to others. The more vulnerable we allow ourselves to be, the more powerful we become because we are bringing all of ourselves to the relationship. When I know who I AM (physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally) I AM in my truth. As my healing process unfolded, my mind and emotions were healed. My ability to communicate my feelings and needs in all of my relationships improved tenfold. I changed on the inside, which ultimately changed my life for the best possible outcome for all of us.

Radical Empathy means that we have to simultaneously acknowledge, understand, and manage our own thoughts (ego) and needs (emotions) as developing beings, as well as holding the space for Truth with deep compassion and understanding of another person’s individual journey.

There is no higher calling than to become fully you. There is no greater source of empowerment and peace than comfort with our own individuality. Communicating from that place is the greatest gift we can give each other and ourselves. The ripple effect of my healed mind is the love that I share with all people I encounter on a daily basis. For me, it is affirming through our individual work with the Course we truly understand that Self-love is the bridge to Universal love.

Rev. Kimberly Beck, O.M.C. is a Pathways of Light minister living in Huntington Woods, Michigan

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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