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Study of the Text, II. The Voice for God, Paragraph 7. 10-10-13

I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 4
4 Assault can ultimately be made only on the body. There is little doubt that one body can assault another, and can even destroy it. Yet if destruction itself is impossible, anything that is destructible cannot be real. Its destruction, therefore, does not justify anger. To the extent to which you believe that it does, you are accepting false premises and teaching them to others. The message the crucifixion was intended to teach was that it is not necessary to perceive any form of assault in persecution, because you cannot be persecuted. If you respond with anger, you must be equating yourself with the destructible, and are therefore regarding yourself insanely.

I remember a Star Trek story in which Captain Kirk and party visit a planet where people don’t care that they die. If I remember the story line correctly, they volunteer for death at a certain age so as not to over populate the planet. Captain Kirk is incensed that they are not upset about this. The reason they don’t fear death is that they don’t believe in it. They know that at death they simply return to life.

As my mind heals I believe in death less and less. This healing is not complete for me. There is still the seed of doubt, the fear that I am indeed this body, or that this body has some intrinsic value and I wouldn’t want to lose it. If someone held a gun on me and threatened to kill me with it, I doubt I would be calm. But what I understand is that there is no reason not to be calm. Once again, the truth is slowly making its way from my head to my heart.

I don’t get a lot of chances to practice my belief that there is no death, at least not in this one life time. I did have an occasion when I thought I was dying, and before I passed out this is what I felt. I realized something was very wrong. I wondered if I was dying. I felt panic. I decided to continue to trust Holy Spirit that He knew what was best for my next step toward awakening. I passed out. This all happened in seconds. So maybe I would be, finally, calm if threatened with death.

On the other hand, we practice death all the time. Life is joy and peace. Life is love. If we are experiencing something else, we are not experiencing life. So I guess when I feel pain or sadness, anger or jealousy, I am practicing death. Each time someone says or does something to me that feels like an attack, I practice death if I feel persecuted. If I see it differently, I practice life.

Someone I know “attacked” me. He was someone who I have given the role of caring about me, and he did something that wasn’t caring. My first feeling was of betrayal. I told the Holy Spirit all about it. I told Him what this person did, and I told Him how I felt about it, how sad it made me, how unsafe, and ultimately how angry that he should do this to me. Then I asked Him to help me see it differently and to heal my mind.

The Holy Spirit showed me that nothing happened to me. He showed me that I felt betrayal because of the story I told myself about this person. Even if he meant to betray me, he was only betraying his thoughts about me. My thoughts are betraying me. This is a lesson the Holy Spirit has been teaching me a lot these days and now when He shares this with me, I get it very quickly. Nothing really happened to me, I but did this to myself.

Additionally, I see that there is really no such thing as betrayal. The whole idea of betrayal is something I made up in my mind to explain my fear of God, and to give myself a place to project that fear so I don’t have to confront it. As I allowed my mind to be healed, all the feelings of betrayal and the desire to retaliate dissolved and I felt only compassion and understanding.

What if this person carried their antagonism to another level and started beating my body? Well, I don’t think I am healed of the belief in the illusion to the point that I would not be affected. I am learning that pain is not real, but I have not put it to that kind of test. I am asking that the Holy Spirit heal my mind of the belief in fear, but I have not fully accepted that healing.

I do see that I would not feel pain without the belief in the body and I would not be afraid without the belief that this body and this life are real and matter. No matter how I felt and what I felt, my purpose remains the same; I am to deny the denial of truth. I would use the situation to see where I need to heal my mind and accept the Atonement to the degree I am able. That purpose never changes.

Death is not real. Only the illusion can give us an experience of death, and an experience of something unreal, no matter how real it feels, can never be true. I can only dream of death while I dream that this illusion is life. I am now aware that everything in this illusion that does not reflect the truth is a dress rehearsal for the chapter on my dream of death. Let me remember to use those moments to accept the Atonement for my beliefs.

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Study of the Text, I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 3

I. The Message of the Crucifixion
3 You have probably reacted for years as if you were being crucified. This is a marked tendency of the separated, who always refuse to consider what they have done to themselves. Projection means anger, anger fosters assault, and assault promotes fear. The real meaning of the crucifixion lies in the apparent intensity of the assault of some of the Sons of God upon another. This, of course, is impossible, and must be fully understood as impossible. Otherwise, I cannot serve as a model for learning.

I want to focus on the first part of this paragraph. I see that I have been reacting for years as if I were being crucified. Only recently have I begun a consistent practice of reminding myself that I but do this to myself, and what makes this effective is that I don’t make exceptions no matter how tempting. If it is in my world, in my awareness, then I did it to myself, and no one else is responsible.

Here is what happened in the past. I will take something simple like being sick last week. The doctor said it was probably a virus. In the past I would have immediately wondered where I picked up a virus. I would have felt helpless against the world and a victim to this fragile body which can get sick in an instant no matter how careful I was or how good I took care of it.

I could let this make me feel hopeless and depressed, or if I was mentally healthier than that, I would accept that this is just the way things are and work harder at making a healthy body that could at least resist the worst of the diseases. In the back of mind where I didn’t have to look at it all the time, but where it still poisoned me, was the fear that there was nothing I could do but hope for the best and expect the worst. Maybe next time it would be cancer or something like that and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

It was very easy for me to think of myself as a victim. There really seemed to be nothing I could do about this. I could pray that I would be special to God and spared pain and suffering, but that seemed wrong somehow, to ask God to keep me safe while allowing bad things to be visited on others and this fostered more guilt in the mind.

I would have to deserve special treatment and this is a road that I often went down. It leads to more specialness, more separateness, and I was never good enough in my own mind to be deserving of God’s special love. This is an example of how I felt I was being crucified and that was just a relatively small thing. And I did it to myself.

Taking that same situation as it happened to me last week this is how I did it this time. I saw I was sick and I asked Holy Spirit to help me use this situation to heal my mind. From working with pain and suffering before I have learned that the body is neutral and that it is an effect of the mind and therefore cannot make effects.

This means that the body cannot get sick. It cannot even feel. So the sickness must be in my mind. The pain and suffering must be in my mind. The first thing this does is stop me from looking for someone or something to blame for the symptoms I am experiencing. This body did not catch something from someone else. This mind is simply projecting onto the idea of a body, and you don’t catch beliefs, nor do you treat the body to rid the mind of beliefs.

I know this must be true, but I don’t know it in the way that is instantly healing. It is in my mind, but not yet in my heart, so I continue to use every chance I get to accept the Atonement for my false beliefs about the body. Each time I do this, the knowing moves more completely into the heart and one day I will try to remember exactly what it was like to believe I could be harmed and to believe it was done to me and could be undone through fixing the body. I know it will be like that because that is the way it has happened with other things as I fully accepted the Atonement and allowed my mind to be healed.

Here is something neat that happened while I was sick. I was having very painful stomach cramps and this went on for a couple of hours. Suddenly I realized I was making this sickness special, like it was somehow different than other pain I have felt. This sickness, despite the symptoms which seem very real and centered in the body, could only be in my mind. I chose not to suffer. Instantly the cramps stopped. Instantly.

So I had to wonder, after the fact, why it is that I was willing to see that the really bad pain was not real, but allowed the lesser pain of mild nausea, headache, and tiredness to continue. I wonder what value sickness has for me. I had a lot of ego thoughts during this week long sickness. The ego voice in my head wondered if it was something serious and I listened to that voice and took the body to the doctor.

While there I realized that this was going to be a waste of time. He asked me questions about how long I had stomach cramps and how serious the pain was. What do I say to him? “Well, Doc, I had pain until I remembered pain is not real. Does that help you diagnose me?” I lost interest in the doctor as I realized that going to the doctor was just a response to listening to the ego instead of Holy Spirit.

That’s ok though, and I’m not guilty for that. In fact the doctor gave me something for the symptoms that I was not willing to let go any other way. I may be confused about what is real and what isn’t, but I am no longer willing to suffer like I used to. I am also no longer willing to accept the ego’s judgment of me. I am innocent when I learn my lesson about the body, and I am just as innocent when I choose to pretend that medicine is what I need.

The difference in what happens now when I get sick is that no matter what I do about it, I am not confused about my purpose. I don’t waste as much time trying to find someone or something to blame. I don’t ever fully believe the ego thoughts about it. I still waver about medicine and doctors or accepting the Atonement, but really, I know that it is in my mind, not my body and that the mind is my responsibility.

I know I have not been crucified, but I still crucify myself. I just get down off the cross much sooner now. And I don’t waste these crucifixions. I look at them with the Holy Spirit and allow Him to show me a different way. Actually, this is pretty exciting. While I accepted the false belief that I was sick, I didn’t suffer much because I didn’t completely believe in the sickness. I would waver from suffering to just watching, but mostly I didn’t suffer. I noticed how unstable I am when I have one foot in the truth and one foot in the ego.

I am willing to learn these things without the discomfort of sickness. “Holy Spirit, I see that I still value the idea of sickness and I am willing for the Atonement for that false belief. I am willing to learn without pain. I am willing to know my worth and my innocence. Please heal my mind.”

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraphs 1,2

I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraphs 1,2
1 For learning purposes, let us consider the crucifixion again. I did not dwell on it before because of the fearful connotations you may associate with it. The only emphasis laid upon it so far has been that it was not a form of punishment. Nothing, however, can be explained in negative terms only. There is a positive interpretation of the crucifixion that is wholly devoid of fear, and therefore wholly benign in what it teaches, if it is properly understood.
2 The crucifixion is nothing more than an extreme example. Its value, like the value of any teaching device, lies solely in the kind of learning it facilitates. It can be, and has been, misunderstood. This is only because the fearful are apt to perceive fearfully. I have already told you that you can always call on me to share my decision, and thus make it stronger. I have also told you that the crucifixion was the last useless journey the Sonship need take, and that it represents release from fear to anyone who understands it. While I emphasized only the resurrection before, the purpose of the crucifixion and how it actually led to the resurrection was not clarified then. Nevertheless, it has a definite contribution to make to your own life, and if you will consider it without fear, it will help you understand your own role as a teacher.

I must confess that the crucifixion caused extreme fear in me for a very long time, even after I began studying the Course. I was greatly relieved when Jesus said that his crucifixion was the last useless journey the Sonship need make. I might hurt myself but at least it isn’t a mandate from on high. I have a choice and I am not guilty for choosing pain, and I am not guilty if I don’t choose pain.

Second confession: The crucifixion is not wholly devoid of fear for me. There is still a seed of fear in me, and I understand that this is because I still believe in fear and so everything I perceive has passed through that filter in my mind. This is true of everything, not just crucifixion. When something lovely happens, it still passes through that filter and picks up a bit of fear.

The best things that ever happened to me in this life story were the births of my children. I remember each one and the feeling of joy as I first held them, but with the joy came fear. I gave that fear stories of loss and danger, but those were just stories, explanations the mind could use to explain the fear. Nothing was actually happening to cause the fear; it was just there, painting the landscape of my illusion because it was in my mind.

At one time my fear filter was predominant in my mind and I saw everything through a heavy haze of fear. I trusted nothing, and expected the worse even as I prayed for something better. My prayer for something better did not go unanswered, though the answer was different and far better than I could have imagined. My mind began a slow but steady healing process.

I imagine it like this. I have a lovely thought or experience and it is like a brilliant and beautiful light. This light passes through my mind and its dark filter of fear and comes out much dimmed. As my mind heals, the filter gets cleaner and the light passes through with less obstruction so that when it gets to my conscious mind it is still bright.

Now I ask for healing every time I feel the fear in my mind and so fear does not have as many opportunities to take me hostage like it used to. Something happens and I notice fear and instead of just believing the fear, I ask that my mind be healed of the untrue thoughts. The part of my mind that knows no fear is stronger in my awareness now.

I do have some hooks, things that fear can hang its hat on, but there are fewer and fewer of those as I continue to ask the Holy Spirit to purify my mind. What I know is that fear is not a natural state for the Sons of God. It occurred when guilt entered the mind at the thought of our perceived betrayal of the Creator, and since nothing of the sort actually happened, the fear has no basis and is no more real than the illusion of separation. But until I have laid the guilt aside completely, fear will still haunt me and I will not know my Self.

This is why I try never to simply accept fear, but to always look at it with the Holy Spirit. I don’t ask Him to take the fear away which implies that it is real and dangerous and out of my control. I ask Him to heal my mind of the belief that the Son of God could ever be afraid. I ask Him to heal my mind of the core belief in fear, which is that my Father is angry and vengeful and so I am in constant danger.

The Holy Spirit has helped me to see that I am not afraid of things in my life, but that the circumstances of my life are the effects of my core fear. I think I am afraid of heights, but I am afraid that God hates me. I think I am afraid my children will suffer, but I am afraid that God wants our suffering. I think I am afraid of not having enough money to retire on, but I am afraid that I deserve to suffer because I betrayed God.

It is a relief to understand that I don’t have hundreds of little fears to get through and find healing for, but really I have one fear, which takes many forms. I need only be healed of the one fear, the fear of my Father. This morning I read this on Facebook. It was posted by Brian Longhurst, who receives lovely messages. It said, in part:

You have followed from afar off in faithful commitment. Now shall I draw you unto Me, into the secret place, the Holy of Holies. There shall you receive the mantle of purification (because of your heart’s desire and your faithfulness).

I just cried and cried when I read this. I cried because I recognized that I don’t believe in my worthiness, and I cried because I know this is true and I am so relieved to know it is true. God does love me, still, and holds me dear. The split mind at work again. The good news is that the part of the mind that knows the truth is much more in my awareness now and while I am still aware of the ego mind, I have no doubt that I will change my mind about that and change it fully.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text, The Lessons of Love: Introduction, Paragraph 2. 10-21-13

The Lessons of Love: Introduction, Paragraph 2
2 You have been asked to take me as your model for learning, since an extreme example is a particularly helpful learning device. Everyone teaches, and teaches all the time. This is a responsibility you inevitably assume the moment you accept any premise at all, and no one can organize his life without some thought system. Once you have developed a thought system of any kind, you live by it and teach it. Your capacity for allegiance to a thought system may be misplaced, but it is still a form of faith and can be redirected.

This is the sentence that stands out for me: Everyone teaches, and teaches all the time. Understanding that this is true, I want to always teach for God, but since I teach all the time, the only way to always teach for God is to always think only the thoughts that I think with God. If I am thinking about how angry I am with someone, or if I am blaming someone for something, this is what I am teaching. I am teaching anger and blame. If I am worrying about money or running out of time, I am teaching lack and loss.

I stay aware of my emotions and my thoughts and this lets me know what I believe. I can say the words that I am responsible for my world, but if I am angry that my neighbors trash blew into my yard, then I know that I am not taking responsibility for my world no matter what I think I say or what I think I believe. My anger tells me that I am upset and assigning the reason for the upset to my neighbor tells me that I think that neighbor is the cause of my upset.

If I bring the problem with the neighbor to my ego mind, it will prove to me that I am right to be angry. It will offer to protect me by having a discussion with my neighbor. Since I have a spiritual ego, it will think of words to make my neighbor feel guilty that sound “nice.” But the anger and blame are there and that is what I will be teaching.

Even if I chose to pick up the trash and not confront the neighbor in any way, I would still be teaching anger and blame if those beliefs are in my mind. I would be teaching it to myself. I will be reinforcing a wrong-minded thought and making it even more real, and so harder to let go. The only way not to teach anger and blame is to accept the Atonement for the belief that someone is guilty. From a healed mind I will hear the Holy Spirit’s guidance about what to say, if anything. And with my mind healed of the belief that I am victim to my neighbor, I will be at peace.

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Study of the Text Chapter 6: The Lessons of Love, Introduction

Chapter 6: THE LESSONS OF LOVE
Introduction
1 The relationship of anger to attack is obvious, but the relationship of anger to fear is not always so apparent. Anger always involves projection of separation, which must ultimately be accepted as one’s own responsibility, rather than being blamed on others. Anger cannot occur unless you believe that you have been attacked, that your attack is justified in return, and that you are in no way responsible for it. Given these three wholly irrational premises, the equally irrational conclusion that a brother is worthy of attack rather than of love must follow. What can be expected from insane premises except an insane conclusion? The way to undo an insane conclusion is to consider the sanity of the premises on which it rests. You cannot be attacked, attack has no justification, and you are responsible for what you believe.

I’ve got this one down. I never get confused about where my urge to attack comes from. If I feel like attacking someone it is always because I am afraid. I am afraid because I think I am vulnerable to attack and I am justified in defending myself. My attacks these days seldom get past the thought phase because I am good at catching them, realizing my fear is baseless, or at least being willing to be taught that, once again, my fear is baseless.

Here is an example. I went past a turn-off that would take me to a customer of mine. I didn’t take it because he was not on my schedule for that day, but I noticed a pang of resentment toward him, and then I had one of those mental conversations that I sometimes indulge in. Everything he said to me was an attack and everything I said to him was a defense (which is an attack). All of this was in response to a story I made up in my mind about a phone call he did not return.

Giving this to the Holy Spirit, I understand that I perceived his failure to return my call as an attack. Maybe he is talking to my competitor and is thinking of switching suppliers, in which case he becomes my enemy, someone to overcome. I must convince him that I am valuable to him, but because he is now a threat to my income stream, I resent him and anything I say to him will come from fear and not from love. How do I appear valuable to him when I come with sword and shield in hand?

The ego mind is fixated on fear, fear of loss and lack. Maybe I will lose a customer and my boss will value me less. I could lose money and not have enough for all I think I need. I fear not being valued. The ego solution to being afraid is to fight back through whatever means, but always it is some kind of attack and defend strategy in which I am separate from this other person. I see us with different goals and to achieve my goal, the other must relinquish his. Now I am enemy to my customer as well as to my competitor. I feel as if I am surrounded by the enemy.

Of course none of this has actually happened except that he failed to return my call. But as I allowed the scenario to play out in my mind I could see how the ego works to keep separation in place. I feel a pang of discomfort and the ego weaves it into a story in which I am surrounded by the enemy. The ego offers to protect me by giving me ways to defend myself. Now I am making everyone separate and am attacking my brother and so the underlying feeling is that I am guilty, and don’t deserve to win. The ego lies about being able to protect me.

When I offer it to the Holy Spirit for interpretation He reminds me that my customer and my competitor are innocent, just as I am. We are none of us guilty for our thoughts or our actions. He reminds me that we have one common goal and that is to feel safe and happy and we achieve this through forgiveness. As I regain my equilibrium and remember the truth, I remember that this is my function and my only function.

The feeling of being less than, attacked, of loss and lack, all of these are just different forms of believing I am separate from God, and thus cannot be true. All of this is turned around as I accepted responsibility for my thoughts and beliefs rather than seeking someone else to blame. I was afraid because of the meaning I gave a call not returned, not because of anything else.

Even if I was right about the failure to return the call and I did lose that customer, I am the one who decides what that means. No matter what seems to be happening in my story, I give it all the meaning it has for me, and I am free to remember that forgiveness is my only function. When I remember my function and focus on my forgiveness work, I trust the rest to work out as it will. The ego says I must be forever on guard but the ego is such a liar. I am perfectly loved and perfectly protected. When I remember this I am perfectly at peace with whatever is occurring.

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Study of the Text, II. The Voice for God, Paragraph 12. 10-17-13

II. The Voice for God, Paragraph 12
10-17-13
12 I have enjoined you to behave as I behaved, but we must respond to the same Mind to do this. This Mind is the Holy Spirit, Whose Will is for God always. He teaches you how to keep me as the model for your thought, and to behave like me as a result. The power of our joint motivation is beyond belief, but not beyond accomplishment. What we can accomplish together has no limits, because the Call for God is the Call to the unlimited. Child of God, my message is for you, to hear and give away as you answer the Holy Spirit within you.

I often make a mistake that I think is common to many of us. I notice that my behavior is not like Jesus’ behavior and I feel guilty for it and try to change it. The harder I try the more frustrated and anxious I become. Jesus says right here that I should behave as he behaved. The thing I forget is that he goes on to say that the way to do this is to let the Holy Spirit teach me how to think like Jesus and then my behavior will automatically be like Jesus. “What would Jesus do?” should be “What would Jesus think?”

Anytime I become upset or discouraged with myself it is always because I have put the horse before the cart. I have tried to drive my life through the behavior and that is backwards. This part is absolutely simple. I notice the thoughts that need to be changed, looking at them with the Holy Spirit and accepting His correction. Easy peasy.

If it is not easy, it is because I have, once again, become confused about my part. If I am anxious about my behavior I must believe that I should control it and am not doing so. Otherwise, I would simply be happy to see an effect of an unhealed mind because this means I have an opportunity to accept the Atonement for us. I think that right now in my life this is my most frequent mistake. I still sometimes look at my behavior and judge myself rather than seeing my behavior as an opportunity.

When I compare how I feel when I do this as to when I remember my function, it is clear that my happiness lies in forgiveness, not judgment. As I forgive myself for my errors, realizing that nothing is really happening because the entire illusion is nothing, I know I cannot be guilty. Now it is just a matter of allowing the Holy Spirit to heal my mind.

It is a matter of trust. I trust Jesus, I trust the Holy Spirit, and so I am learning to trust myself. I anticipate a peaceful mind as I do this more and more. But even more exciting is the promise Jesus makes that what we can accomplish together has no limits. Holy Spirit, please heal my mind today. I will trust you to do that according to my desire. I step back and allow you to do your part.

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Study of the Text II. The Voice for God, Paragraph 11, 10-16-13

II. The Voice for God, Paragraph 11
10-16-13
11 When you are tempted by the wrong voice, call on me to remind you how to heal by sharing my decision and making it stronger. As we share this goal, we increase its power to attract the whole Sonship, and to bring it back into the oneness in which it was created. Remember that “yoke” means “join together,” and “burden” means “message.” Let us restate “My yoke is easy and my burden light” in this way; “Let us join together, for my message is light.”

I have often called on Jesus to help me remember how to heal. The average day is sure to have many times when I will first see things from the ego perspective, realize my mistake, and ask for healing. The wrong voice tempted me, but now my goal is oneness, and I seek to make that goal stronger and stronger, so I seldom miss an opportunity to change my mind. I change my mind about what I want, and the Holy Spirit changes my mind. We are a team.

I spent a couple of days watching myself as I experienced my body as if it were sick. I know that this cannot be true. The body does not feel, so how can it feel sick? The mind was sick and needed healing. By the middle of the day yesterday I was feeling better, and by 5:00PM I was well enough to enjoy a movie. The body seemed to be getting well. That was the appearance, but it was the mind that being healed, and so projected that effect, just as it had projected the effect of sickness.

I noticed this morning that I woke up looking for symptoms and some part of me was hoping to find some. I think I wanted another day at home. I wanted some mild symptoms that would give me an excuse to stay home but not so serious that my day was spoiled. That is one of the ways that sickness is valuable to me. Another way is that I have believed that sickness proves I am not really waking up, that I am not worthy of God. It is, as the Lesson tells us, a defense against God.

I am willing to be healed of both those beliefs. If I want to stay home, I am just going to take a vacation day. I’m not going to give sickness value in my mind. If I feel unworthy, I am going to notice that thought in my mind and ask the Holy Spirit to change my mind, to correct my thinking and heal my mind. In other words, I ask for the Atonement and accept it.

Before I got sick and for awhile during the sickness I got caught up in feeling like the ego instead of just watching the ego. I think that this happens when I judge myself and others. Usually, I watch my “life” from at least some detachment, then other times I am fully in the story. When that happens I suffer and if it happens long enough the ego projects it; the ego tries to throw the suffering in the mind out onto the world, sometimes onto my body and I think I am sick.

I will tell you the truth, I am amazed that I can still get so caught up in the story as to forget the truth, even for a short time, much less for several days. When I am sane, I can’t imagine doing this, but when I forget my self and get hooked by the story, I am right back there. The difference, though, is that I am not completely there, not ever.

All the time it is happening, I am asking for healing. When I am less insane, I watch myself being lost and asking for help. When I am very insane, I just feel lost and ask for help. I will be glad when I wake up completely. I am tired of the conflicted mind syndrome. I am happy, though, to do my part in healing the mind. I am willing to do it with less suffering is all I am saying. I know it is not a necessary part of awakening for it to be painful, so I ask for the Atonement for that.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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