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July-September,  2023

I Fell into a Fantasy

by Rev. Daniel Cratcha, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

I fell into a fantasy. I was a famous musician, accepting accolades and awards and acting all humble. I may have let it go on a bit too long. At some point in this daydream, I came back to the present. I came back to Spirit’s time and snapped out of it.

I had temporarily allowed ego to hijack my mind with one of its endless supply of fantasies and day dreams. It loves fantasies about power and sacrifice and revenge or, like in the above example, the humble hero. It loves fantasies about who deserves punishment, because of something they did that was over the proverbial top. Ego is always the hero in these fantasies and likes them because they’re all about winners and losers, victims and perpetrators, an endless supply. And of course, all these fantasies are based upon a distorted view of the past.

What is an ego fantasy but an attempt to bolster the body and strive for separation? It tries to brainwash us into thinking we’re either better or worse than everyone. “Specialness” is its magic elixir.

I have come far in handling these ego thoughts. I do this through self forgiveness. J whispers, “Hey Buddy, give these thoughts to Spirit and don’t let them leak out into your behavior.” This is the first step after consciously catching them. They usually come when I’m upset about something.

Self forgiveness also means I don’t have to punish myself anymore for the ego thoughts that pop into my mind. Ego used to beat me up twice, once, for having the thought and then again, chastising me for having it! Ego can’t hurt me, it can only threaten to hurt me. That’s really all it ever does. It cries wolf ad nauseam and I’m done with the insanity of it. With Spirit’s help, I can look beyond these clouds of madness, the ego beliefs that I’m awful for having awful thoughts. I can now see the madness in its messages, which always contain some type of fear.

There’s one other component I needed to learn that goes hand and hand with self-forgiveness — humor. I am getting to the point where I see mostly humor in ego’s moves, a major blessing, because it isn’t going away, not in this world. As I learn to discount it, I am practicing forgiveness of the ego’s insane thoughts by smiling at them, handing them off to Spirit, and giving them no power in my mind.

Ego still sneaks in like in the above example and sometimes I let far too much mind chatter sneak in. But I’m catching it like never before. I’m not with Spirit 24/7, but my Christ vision continues to grow, bringing me to new levels of peace.

And now I’m learning to let go, to practice judgment of very little I had judged before and not letting ego fool me into thinking certain judgments are worthy, especially of me! God doesn’t judge, He only loves. Spirit will show me everything I need to understand when I am in a place of peace. I am blessed with His presence and His guidance.

Self forgiveness is no different than forgiveness of others. Spirit asks that we do both as One, while showing us that all of His lessons turn into One as well.

I am Your Son, Father, and I am filled with gratitude.

© 2023, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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