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July - September, 2006

My Grievances Hide the Light of the World in Me

by Rev. Maria Kingsley

What a true statement I have come to understand this Lesson to be! I recently took a trip to India to attend a beautiful celebration of the 25th anniversary of the Foundation called The Art of Living.

It was a wonderful celebration, and I support their loving work that goes all around the globe. The teachings of the founder, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, are not really in conflict to the ACIM, even though they have a touch of Hinduism to it.

However, it was the plain people of India who really taught me the big lessons. So I bless them for their so very valuable teachings that they give just by being who they are.

India is considered by some to be a third world country, and indeed life is very very different from what we are used to in the western world. Most people know this, of course, but to experience this in the physical is a powerful teaching tool. I did not know this when I signed up for this adventure to India, and I did not realize the full extend of the gifts I would receive until I came back to the U.S. and started processing it.

Before I left, I met several people who had been to India or similar places, and they all had very good advice for me: “Don’t drink the water, bring a lot of toilet paper, don’t eat the food that is offered by street vendors, don’t eat anything that is not boiled, cooked or can be peeled; don’t give much to beggars, don’t tip but a very small amount, etc.” Along with every bit advice there were horror stories of what had happened to people, why this approach was the right one, or who got sick for how long.

So, when I arrived at the airport in India late that long traveling day, I was immediately suspicious when I was offered roasted peanuts by street vendors, and refused to accept any from fellow travelers who had bought some. The little metal bowl in which the vendor was heating the peanuts looked very dirty to me; the loud clanking noise he made with his ladle to advertise his goods was made by hitting another part of his metal cart that looked even more suspect, and so I was on high alert. No wonder that I continually was exhausted.

I felt relatively safe at the Ashram. The food was prepared for an international crowd, and my concerns for safety overall were reduced by smiling faces and English speaking people, but I was still very watchful. It took a lot of energy to maneuver myself around, and I dozed off the moment I was able to relax during meditation times.

The entire trip was very hectic, and with a very loaded schedule and being away from my room for 12 to 16 hours, I was glad for every meditation time that was on the schedule. I had taken with me the ACIM Lessons that I was doing during this time, and so I stayed in touch with these daily reminders in an abbreviated version.

The really strenuous part of the trip was the sight-seeing tour I took around Delhi. These five days were not buffered by the happy faces of the Ashram, but instead I was looking at beggars and vendors in droves. They gathered at every tourist attraction, and were more persistent than flies at a picnic. It was amazing how many different things they could sell you. Making eye contact would assure you that they would follow you more closely and shout more loudly to buy their very special items. This was my perception. I blessed the beggars and cripples who hung around the bus, but somehow that did not make me feel any better. I truly felt beleaguered and also very guilty.

I considered myself lost three times when my group suddenly disappeared, and I felt left without a hint of a clue where I was, or how to get back to the group, the bus, or the hotel where we dropped off our luggage.

Once I was lost at some huge palace. We had stopped along the route with our bus. There were around 5-6 other buses that had stopped there, and the usual huge number of vendors with or without animals were all around us. It was almost like a circus, because there were painted elephants and colorfully dressed camels. Monkeys on a leash were performing, and cobras coming out of baskets.  All their keepers wanted to sell themselves to you to take their picture. We took small Jeeps up the steep cobble stone road into the palace and were guided to view the important and beautiful parts of this ancient place.

I was certain to stay with the guide because previously I had lost the group, and so when we returned to the main court yard, the guide and I were early and waited for the rest of the group to catch up. I mentioned that I would use the toilets, and he said, “OK, but hurry.” I did hurry, but when I returned to the square, there was no one from my group there. They had all left, and I was totally clueless as to which direction to turn.

There were several roads leading down this hill, but which was the one my group took? Nothing looked familiar. I walked in one direction, thinking I might see someone I know, or recognize the road, but the further I went, the less sure I was that this was the right way. I started to panic and realized I did not even know what to ask for… if someone were to understand me. And I did not really know where our bus trip was going, because the guide only shared so much at a time, and it often did not mean anything to me because I did not know these places.

I knew that they would leave if I was not there… they figured that I would find my way somehow.

As I went further and did not see any familiar sight, I knew I had to call on the One Who Knows. So I called on the Holy Spirit to guide me to where I was supposed to be. It took the edge off my panic, but I certainly did not give it all up. There was too much at stake, I thought.

I found my way back to the bathrooms, and I thought really that I had been left behind, because so much time had passed. I prayed continuously. What else can you do? 

And then I saw a familiar face. It was someone who was on the bus with me, actually looking for me. I shouted, “Oh, a familiar face!”  We walked over to where the jeeps were to take us down to the bus. Whewwww! That was close. Thank you, Holy Spirit!

There were several occasions when I called on the Holy Spirit to guide me. I am glad to report that nothing serious ever happened to me, and even though I got sick for a couple of days, it was manageable and not debilitating.

After returning home, it took me a while to adjust. I could not sleep at night and was not totally physically present. Many people asked me about my trip, and I was not sure what to say.

I was not balanced. I needed to process and meditate on what happened. As I looked back, I felt that I had not really been in touch with India. I would describe my experience as resembling a feeling of floating above the ground by about 50 feet, and that there was a layer of parchment paper separating me from the ground, or what was really going on around me. I definitely felt separated.

This word ‘separation’ was the key to my understanding what really happened. I had separated myself from these people out of fear. I looked at them all as my enemy, a threat to my health and my welfare, as well as my pocket book. And to think my caution was only based on stories other people told me.

Nothing negative ever happened. I was just afraid that it would happen. “My grievances hide the light of the world in me.”

What was I doing when I refused to look at these people as ‘real people’? I only saw them as irritants who wanted something from me. They irritated me and I felt I needed to look away, to not see them, to not acknowledge that they were my brothers and sisters right in front of me.

Yet, the Course tells us that everyone is my brother, that we are all one. I was not seeing my Self. I was ignoring Me, I did not recognized Me in another form than what I am used to. And I was not extending Love.

I usually tell myself every morning that it is my intention to extend Love. Yet, somehow I did not see love. In my anxiety I forgot to love them. When I realized the error of my perception, I felt like a huge load fell off of me.

I FORGOT TO LOVE THEM! I can love them now. And I cried for a long time that I could put that much separation between me and my beloved brothers and sisters. What a lesson that was! I will never forget this. And for this lesson, it was worth traveling around the world.

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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