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October-December, 2023

Refrain from Complain!

by Rev. Vicki Evans, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

My journey of working towards healthy relationships: I woke up one morning and I sat outside in a humid temperature of 101 degrees. I started a verbal complaint of feeling singled out by the weather. Then a domino effect started when I tried to turn on the coffeemaker while hoping to listen to some music and the weather on my smart speaker. The coffee maker did not respond to the start button and the sound of music never materialized.

It seems as if I could go on and on about the discomforts of life both physically and technologically as I realized that not even Alexa listens to my requests! I decided I needed a peace break to go to Holy Spirit and delve within myself to take a new direction for a new perspective! A phrase came into my mind: Refrain from Complain! I challenged myself to trade a positive statement for a complaint and made the commitment to try this activity for the next 12 hours so by evening time, I could evaluate my mood and outlook from the day.

I started with the simple act of mentally thinking that I could work with the summer heat by making an iced green tea and setting up an umbrella. I added cold water to the bird bath to create a water ripple effect while being mindful to find one positive aspect of the environment with each of my five senses. I became aware of the environment of nature that I previously overlooked when in a complaining mood. I heard cicadas, which sounded a little like some of the sounds I listen to on the relaxation apps that are available to facilitate peace! The sound of the cicadas was so loud and intense that any negative thoughts were blocked out of my mind!

Then I felt the sensation of gentle wind and focused on the effects of breeze such as swaying branches of green leaves and purple blooms of a crepe myrtle tree before they completely leave the tree to take a flight of purple rain blossoms. I had to work a little harder for aromatherapy but decided to try some new lavender incense sticks to repel (not harm) insects. The overall effect of my homemade nature spa was a moment of peace where I could reset my day towards grace and gratitude, instead of complaints and cursing fates!

I also wanted to continue to connect my learning from lesson 5 from Creating a Spiritual Relationship — Removing the Blocks regarding healthy relationships. I chose to ask myself what is behind my complaints.

I realized that anger and blaming can surface and fuse itself with complaining to ruin a mood. Along with refraining from complaining, I paired the thought of creating a thought of gratitude to replace an angry thought to lighten my mood and to nurture my relationships with others.

As I learned in Lesson 3 — Openness, Willingness and Patience, I embraced the ideas that, “Openness and willingness are important ingredients to healing any relationship. This means being open to new ideas and willing to try new ways of perceiving and interacting.” (¶ 2; sentences 1-2 on p. 12) I accept the need to change the way I think and learn new skills. I realize that my internal critical parent can set me up for complaining and blaming.

Now I practice relaxation breathing and mindfulness to take these thoughts to my wise Inner Teacher. “Your Inner Teacher always radiates a deep feeling of peace.” (¶ 8, sentence 3, p. 12)

I want to practice being the change that I want to see in my life. Along with practicing being aware of the five senses for mindfulness, I also make it a practice to speak in “I” statements, where I take ownership of my feelings and requests, instead of getting angry and blaming others for not reading my mind regarding my needs.

I practice openness by accepting awareness to help me be open to new perspectives and lay down defensiveness along with letting go of impulsive reactivity fueled by competitiveness. I look forward to the pure joy of a relationship with the wonder of how the day will unfold. If I feel anxious, I can always take a deep breath and say a positive mantra such as “we are all connected”; “we help heal the whole” (¶ 12, sentences 2-3, p.12)

We are all love. So, I aspire to start each day with a thought of gratitude, going to mindfulness to create focus and end each day with the joy and wonderment of looking forward to tomorrow to continue my journey of learning and purpose as a minister and forever student of life’s lessons!

© 2023, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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