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January-March, 2022

The Healing Power of Love

by Rev. Kelly Lewis, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

As I opened my mind to be shown what to write for this quarter’s edition of Miracle News, I knew immediately that I would share my recent practice using Holy Spirit’s Love to bring healing to myself. We are told in ACIM that by bringing illusions to truth, our minds are healed. The illusions are ANY fear-based thinking and the Truth is the Loving essence that we ARE.

I found out at the beginning of October that my ex-husband of 11 years took his life. After we had divorced in 2010, we made amends to each other and both found much forgiveness and healing at that time. We were aware that while there were struggles in our marriage, that it was not awful like some marriages, but we were simply not a good match. Beyond that however, we both had our own baggage/issues that we struggled with through the marriage and that ultimately ended it. Just prior to separating I had gotten out of a four-month treatment facility. Having returned from treatment and witnessing the disparity between the lives that we both wanted, I knew that while I still felt a love for him, that I could not stay with him if I wanted to remain in recovery from multiple addictions.

It was after the divorce that I began my deep dive into spirituality and soon found ACIM. I also ended up marrying my high school sweetheart quite quickly. My focus was solely on recovery, spirituality and my new marriage. At no point did I pause to grieve the end of my first marriage. I recall feeling at times that I was on automatic pilot and that I could not pause to feel because it was simply too scary; I was actually quite terrified of my emotions as my addictions had numbed them out for so long.

There were also times that I found it peculiar that I had not experienced any emotion around the dissolution of my marriage, given I never felt at any point that I could not stand him, or held any intense anger or hatred towards him as I have witnessed with many divorces. I wondered at times if I was heartless. But when I got the news that he had taken his life, my heart sank. I could not believe what I had just heard. He had always presented as a very happy, fun and playful person. His family and friends evidently had no indication that he had been having suicidal ideation.

My initial feeling was guilt. I immediately began blaming myself for his death, feeling that it was due to things that occurred throughout our marriage, although we have been divorced for 11 years now. I struggled with this for several days, despite telling myself and hearing from others that it was not my fault.
I know from the Course that guilt is always a cover up for the guilt that we unconsciously feel because of our belief in separation from our Source/Creator. But this wasn’t helping me at all. I was also, of course, struggling significantly with sadness over the pain he must have been in to do this and the pain that his family is now experiencing. After a few days of this, I realized I needed to go with Holy Spirit with the pain, and find healing.

For about one and a half weeks I spent time each day allowing myself to feel the sadness, the shame, guilt, and the pain. I allowed myself to recall good and bad memories from our marriage. And with each emotion and memory that came up, I brought the pain fully to my awareness, and then asked Holy Spirit to please heal it. I would then feel love washing through me and witnessed the pain dissolve. I did this repeatedly.

After only a few days I stopped feeling the guilt and sadness for his pain. I stopped consistently feeling the grief of the marriage and all that occurred in it. When it comes to mind now, which is most days still, I don’t feel overwhelmed by emotions and can quickly bring love and peace to it for healing/transformation. While his decision has brought a lot of pain for many people, including myself, I see it now as a gift as it allowed me to acknowledge so much pain that I had buried. Each experience can be used for healing; they can ALL be used to choose Love over fear. In choosing Love in each experience, we are giving everything a joint purpose, which heals the split mind (negative ego vs. one mind of Love/Truth).

As I continue to practice allowing the “darkness” in my mind, all of its pains and secrets to be brought to the healing Presence of Love within my mind (Holy Spirit), I am noticing increased peace and joy. I am recognizing an ease in life and practically no fear. My level of trust increases as I realize that Love is truly always present, that it is only my pain and fear that have blocked It from my awareness. It is only my willingness to turn to Love that allows It to step up and transform me. The following passage from ACIM makes these lessons very clear:

“The Holy Spirit asks of you but this; bring to Him every secret you have locked away from Him. Open every door to Him and bid Him enter the darkness and lighten it away. At your request He enters gladly. He brings the light to darkness if you make the darkness open to Him. But what you hide He cannot look upon. He sees for you, and unless you look with Him He cannot see. The vision of Christ is not for Him alone, but for Him with you.  Bring, therefore, all your dark and secret thoughts to Him, and look upon them with Him. He holds the light, and you the darkness. They cannot coexist when both of You together look on them. His judgment must prevail, and He will give it to you as you join your perception to His.” (T-14.VII.6)

“Seeing with Him (Holy Spirit) will show you that all meaning, including yours, comes not from double vision (split mind), but from the gentle fusing of everything into one meaning, one emotion and    purpose. God has one purpose which He shares with you. The single vision which the Holy Spirit offers you will bring this oneness to your mind with clarity and brightness so intense you could not wish, for all the world, not to accept what God would have you have. Behold your will, accepting it as His, with all His Love as yours. All honor to you through Him, and through Him unto God.” (T-14.VII.7)

Am I completely over this whole experience? No. But I have the capacity to trust that Love can and absolutely will continue to heal all of the pain. I do not fear painful emotions as I used to, but welcome them, for I know that in meeting them with acceptance and Love, that I am welcoming the healing grace of God and in that there is peace and beauty.

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