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July-September, 2012

The One About Employees

by Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C.

I didn’t see this one coming…

For the past six months, the project I am working on has been a 10-12 hour a day commitment. In addition to work, I am involved in several Pathway’s 900 courses, have two teaching/learning slots on ACIM Gather Radio per week, and regularly meet with another 5 or 6 people for an hour at a time, and meditate every morning. My life seems full!

You might think that with all this constant “spiritual stuff” being poured into my brain on a daily basis, I should be getting a break from my ego. Not happening!

The other day I was planning the content of a meeting I wanted to hold with my employees — in which the end result would be that they would find much motivation in my inspired words, and work harder, more productively and show a little appreciation for what a great boss I have been. It is almost like they have forgotten the promises they made me when I hired them.

“Why can’t my employees be like I want them to be?” This was the thought that I ended up identifying as my main problem. I did try and word it differently because even to me it didn’t sound like a very spiritual description of a problem; in fact it seemed completely crazy. That thought was however, an exact reflection of my belief.

At home, sitting in my meditation chair, I quieted my mind and examined all the evidence carefully and dispassionately and came up with the same conclusion, “My employees need to change, or I will make some changes they won’t like.”

I drew up a list of the changes I wanted to see from the work crew and was prepared to call a meeting the next morning. Nancy, (my mighty companion,) came over to my house after her work. I explained the dissatisfactions I was experiencing with my employees, and my reasons for the upset. Nancy gave me what I thought was an odd look. As I was preparing to repeat the whole story again, in case she wasn’t paying close enough attention, she said, “The only problem is that you are insane. What’s for dinner?”

Because I care so much for other people, I have noticed that occasionally I am very sensitive to criticism, perceived or real, from others and especially from Nancy. As dinner ended my thoughts about how I was being unfairly treated were interrupted when Nancy said, “Why don’t you read lesson 5 in the Workbook while I do the dishes? Then maybe we can have a sane conversation for a change.”

Lesson 5 in the course reads, “I am never upset for the reason I think.” The word “never” was what caught my attention. Okay, all joking aside, I really consider myself a serious Course student. My goal is to be sober, which means to me, that I see the truth and only the truth as being true. (Some call it awakening, some call it enlightenment and some call it living in bliss.)

I again tried to quiet my mind, set everything I thought was happening to me aside and ask for a new perspective. The first thing I did was admit I was upset and did not want to be upset. I wanted peace in my mind.

Pretending I saw the truth about my situation was not an option I exercised. “My employees need to change” was the idea I just could not get out of my mind. By now I was also agreeing with my ex-wife. “I am insane!” What happened next is the whole point of this article.

After writing and rewriting several more drafts of the employee meeting I wanted to hold, I gave up. I simply asked the Holy Spirit to help me and then watched an episode of “Law & Order” with Nancy before going to bed. (I probably don’t even need to mention that the episode dealt with some maniac who thought he was right and everyone else was wrong.)

Anyway, the next day at work, I actually forgot I was going to hold a meeting. Everyone, including me, seemed to perform their duties just fine and I ended up feeling at peace. I “did” nothing.

Why am I still going through these periods of ego beliefs, after all these years of trying to discern what the truth is? I don’t have an answer. The Course, and Course related materials continually show me where there is still a need to heal my mind… Hey, maybe that is the reason! Perhaps I just answered my own question!

I didn’t see that one coming either.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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