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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-2-12

Day 62
6 It is not difficult to relinquish judgment. But it is difficult indeed to try to keep it. The teacher of God lays it down happily the instant he recognizes its cost. All of the ugliness he sees about him is its outcome. All of the pain he looks upon is its result. All of the loneliness and sense of loss; of passing time and growing hopelessness; of sickening despair and fear of death; all these have come of it. And now he knows that these things need not be. Not one is true. For he has given up their cause, and they, which never were but the effects of his mistaken choice, have fallen from him. Teacher of God, this step will bring you peace. Can it be difficult to want but this?

I can imagine how all this is true. I have judged everything I see and know based on false information. No judgment I make will bring me to the truth and only the truth will bring me peace. My judgment has convinced me that I am in constant danger and must always be on the defense if not actually on the attack.

I saw someone I know at a restaurant with a woman I don’t know. I know this man as a customer, so only casually, but I have known him for a number of years. He’s friendly, smart, very nice, a genuinely kind and helpful person. As I walked away a different view of this man began to form in my mind as I wondered if he was cheating on his wife. I wondered if he saw me and if he was concerned about that. I wondered what is going on in his marriage and if he does this sort of thing a lot. I took him out of the category of nice guy and put him into one of philandering spouse.

All of this happened at the speed of thought, and had little impact on me since I don’t know him or his wife very well, but since I asked Holy Spirit to help me let go of judgment, He called my attention to this judgment. Yikes! It all had happened so quickly and with so little emotional attachment that I hardly noticed I was judging.

I made a decision about him that was based on an assumption which I came to based on things that have happened in the past, in books I have read and movies I have seen. I based that judgment on the flimsiest of evidence since he could have been sitting with his sister for all I know. Even if he was cheating how could I know what his story is supposed to look like.

It is tempting to believe that this kind of “minor” judgment is not really important. I didn’t act on it and I may not even think of it again. But judgment is judgment and the story I tell around it is not important to the effect of judgment on the mind. In my judgment of this man I made him separate from me. I am not one who would cheat on a spouse and he is. In my judgment I added to the illusion when I could have added to the Kingdom. In my judgment I turned my back on my Self, and walked away from peace, love and eternal joy. And I thought this judgment was unimportant.

Even my previous view of him as a really nice man was based on all sorts of false criteria. It was merely a judgment based on perception and projection and thus not reliable. The only judgment that is true is the judgment of the Holy Spirit, which says this man is the Son of God, perfect and whole and exactly as he was created. I notice that neither this man’s actions nor his words nor personality have any bearing on the judgment of the Holy Spirit.

As the burden of judgment slid from my shoulder, I felt relieved. I felt such gratitude! Later when I was walking to my car, I saw two people that would have normally elicited a judgment from me, but all I felt was loving curiosity. I wondered what their story was, and how it fits into the plan of Atonement. I felt grateful to them for their part in helping us all wake up. Then I realized how different this was for me and how much happier it made me not to judge. This feeling of love that flows in me and through me in the place of judgment could be mine all the time. I pray for that grace.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-1-12

Day 61
5 Therefore lay judgment down, not with regret but with a sigh of gratitude. Now are you free of a burden so great that you could merely stagger and fall down beneath it. And it was all illusion. Nothing more. Now can the teacher of God rise up unburdened, and walk lightly on. Yet it is not only this that is his benefit. His sense of care is gone, for he has none. He has given it away, along with judgment. He gave himself to Him Whose judgment he has chosen now to trust, instead of his own. Now he makes no mistakes. His Guide is sure. And where he came to judge, he comes to bless. Where now he laughs, he used to come to weep.

I feel such a relief that I am free to lay aside all judgment. I am very far from perfect at remembering to do so, and sometimes still, I feel a stubborn resistance to give it up. But I have done it often enough to be convinced of what Jesus says. While I was still in thrall to the ego belief that I should and even must judge, I had become so accustomed to the burden that I didn’t realize how heavy it was.

When I first started trying not to judge, I had trouble getting past the person’s behavior or their words. If it was a situation I was judging I had trouble getting past what I thought I knew. When I began to truly understand projection, I realized that I was never judging the other person’s behavior anyway, but only judging my thoughts about their behavior. I began to accept that I would never know anyone, only what I believed about that person and that was not really about that person, but about me. So really, I was learning to forgive myself my projections onto others.

What relief it was when I took the next step, and began to accept that I am innocent, and so is everyone else. Within that perfect innocence what is there to judge? Now when I notice I am judging someone, I don’t have to find some way to love them anyway (spiritual ego), or torture myself with “trying” not to judge them even though I still believe in their guilt (impossible). I just have to be willing to accept the simple truth that they are innocent. This sets the ego aside, and invites in the Holy Spirit. There is so little for me to do to be at peace.

Not only is my mind at peace because it has already reached the only true conclusion there is, it is now free to love and be loved. Without judgment blocking love, it flows naturally as is its nature. It flows through me and to everyone else. Without my judgment standing between us, my brother feels this freedom, too. Though he may not realize why, he feels a natural attraction, a desire to be in the presence of love. If he is too afraid of love to accept it he may retreat, but a seed is planted, and will one day grow.

As I have learned to accept that I cannot really judge anyway, and have been more willing to give up trying, I have learned that I don’t want to make my own decisions about what to do, where to go, what to say. The happy truth is that there is something outside the mind that moves through the mind to direct my decisions at the slightest invitation. It felt scary at first, to trust this “seemingly” alien presence, but slowly as I have continued my practice, I am learning to not only trust the Holy Spirit, but to realize it is the ego who is the usurper, and Spirit that is at home in my mind.

It seems I am not fully convinced that I want to live in uninterrupted peace and love. I often trade it for the dubious “right” to judge my brothers and allow the ego mind to make the decisions. But having tasted freedom, I am developing a strong desire to keep it, so I continue my vigilance and strengthen my willingness.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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