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Healing by Seeing Your ‘Life’ as a Movie

I started with the concept of the world not being real and then I studied and practiced what I was learning. I did these Miracles Practitioners courses, some of them many times. I did the processes and read the explanations. I did the Daily Lessons and contemplated and wrote about them and the rest of the Course. Most importantly, I kept practicing in my everyday life what I was studying.

What has occurred is that I have gone from believing a concept to being true to knowing it is true. Seeing this life as a movie or a dream is a way of expressing what is happening. Here is the story I like as a way of understanding it. There really was a tiny mad idea to experience separation and specialness. From that idea, there unfolded a way to make this happen. Using the power of creation that is ours because we were created like God, we made a world we can use for our experiences and bodies that will carry us through this world.

It is a temporary experience and was never meant to be anything else but I think it has been going on for so long that we have lost track of its temporary nature. We exist in another illusory or temporary dimension and from there we decide on the experience we want to have. Maybe we just want to play and so there may not be a meaningful outcome for us.

Like going to an amusement park. You don’t hope to learn something from the experience, you just want to scared by the roller coaster and thrilled by other rides and eat too much junk food and throw up, maybe win a trinket and then go home. I think this is what we have done so many times but eventually, the alarm that we set to wake us up goes off in in our mind.

When that happens, awakening stories begin. We might still choose something fun and interesting but we have a goal in mind. We are learning to retrace our steps, to back out of the illusion and return home. So, our stories become our classroom and we choose scripts that will give us the lessons we need and that will lead us out of the stories completely at some point.

As each story reaches its natural conclusion, we pop out and return to this other dimension and probably think about what we learned. Maybe we have Helpers there, people who are a bit higher on the ladder much like the helpers we have here, teachers and those who awaken before us. Maybe they assist us in planning our next life so that we can get the most out of it and move closer to awakening.

In that dimension, we are still in the illusion but with a bit more clarity. It must be such a relief to be free of the body and to realize that these life adventures are not real and so we haven’t been hurt. We might think we are in Heaven at first. Especially, to be met with such love, this must be so wonderful after spending time in the world. But this level is not the ultimate goal either. Until we move past this, we continue the cycle of birth and then death. Eventually, we will move past even that heavenly retreat and into God.

Right now, though, it might be nice to realize that we are part of God and that this is our destination, but where I put my attention is on the work that is before me. I know that this world is something we made up just as we make up theme parks here, and I know that I am not the character I chose to play while here. I also know that what I am is invulnerable and eternal. This makes a huge difference in how I live in the world and what it feels like while here.

For instance, if someone dies, I feel compassion for those left behind who don’t know this is a temporary experience. And really, even if they understand this, it will still be very hard on them to be without that character because almost no one here is so detached from the experience that they don’t grieve the loss of a close loved one. But I am certainly not concerned for the one who died. It doesn’t matter what kind of life he lived here since it was all just a play or movie and not reality. He is fine. He is back in that dimension planning his next adventure. No one has actually died, anyway. We just pop in and pop out.

Another way this affects me is that I don’t have too many big deals anymore. Why would I think something was a disaster when I know it is just a ride at the carnival and I’ll be getting off soon? And guilt starts to seem ridiculous. Who is there to be guilty? I wrote the script and it is one that I wanted to experience. I invited all the players to join me and gave them their lines. Now I will be mad at them for doing their part? Ridiculous.

And something else that is happening is that where fear used to have a home in my mind, with few exceptions, now there is love. I didn’t make that happen. I just let go of the fear and love showed up. I feel a connection to everyone and I feel love toward most. If I don’t feel love, I wonder why and that question is generally resolved right there and I feel love. The way all of this happened was simple. I just kept looking at all the magic thoughts (ego thoughts) in my mind and I kept deciding that I wasn’t interested in them anymore. The rest just happened naturally once enough of them were gone.

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Fear Is a Concept

I had a root canal a couple of weeks ago and today I got a crown which took 2 hours. The thing is, I dislike going to the dentist and I always feel anxious when I have to go. So, I looked at that fear today. And here is what I realized. Fear is just a concept that we can choose to believe or not.

I took that idea with me and when I started to feel anxious, I would ask myself what was actually happening that made me anxious. The thing is, each time I questioned the fear it was always anxiety about something that might happen.

He would push harder or there would be a drill that was especially shrill and I would tense up waiting for pain which was not going to come. When I realized this, I began to enjoy the process of questioning and discovery. It is interesting to realize that fear is not a real thing, just an idea and that we don’t have to indulge it.

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Manual for Teachers, 7. Should Healing Be Repeated? P 5. 8-18-20

7. SHOULD HEALING BE REPEATED? Paragraph 5,6
5 The real basis for doubt about the outcome of any problem that has been given to God’s Teacher for resolution is always self-doubt. And that necessarily implies that trust has been placed in an illusory self, for only such a self can be doubted. This illusion can take many forms. Perhaps there is a fear of weakness and vulnerability. Perhaps there is a fear of failure and shame associated with a sense of inadequacy. Perhaps there is a guilty embarrassment stemming from false humility. The form of the mistake is not important. What is important is only the recognition of a mistake as a mistake.

6 The mistake is always some form of concern with the self to the exclusion of the patient. It is a failure to recognize him as part of the Self, and thus represents a confusion in identity. Conflict about what you are has entered your mind, and you have become deceived about yourself. And you are deceived about yourself because you have denied the Source of your creation. If you are offering only healing, you cannot doubt. Doubt is the result of conflicting wishes. Be sure of what you want, and doubt becomes impossible.

This is very helpful. Any time I doubt the outcome it is because I am confused about who I am. I have identified with the ego-self and separation is the opposite of healing. When I heal it is the Holy Spirit within me rising to answer the Holy Spirit in the “other.” It is true joining, true union. There is no place for ego in this.

If I return my attention to the ego-self, I have placed a gap between us and healing is no longer possible because union is no longer possible. I fill this gap with thoughts of self; “how do I do this,” “what if I fail,” “what will people think?” It is no longer about healing, about joining. It is now about me in exclusion of the other.

When I offer healing, that is my prayer. When I doubt who I am, I now have conflicting prayers. My prayers are that I will look good, I will be successful, I will not fail. Where is my prayer that my brother and I will join in truth and wholeness and the perfection of creation? How can I expect this outcome when I am confused about who I am?

The solution to this is very simple. Let me recognize the mistake as a mistake. When I was dealing with the situation with my son’s sickness, I see that I made this mistake. I began by praying for his healing, but when I became distracted by the appearance of continuing symptoms, I fell into ego thinking. I was no longer joined in healing with him but became egocentric. It was all about me; it was about my fear of failure, my pain, my sense of helplessness, and my guilt. 

When I finally saw this as the error it was, I surrendered as ego and allowed the Self to fill me instead. As I let go of identifying with ego, all of that self-doubt fell away, too. As Self, there is no room for doubt and no room for “me” as separate from him. As I heal, he heals because there is no separation. 

It occurs to me that this is equally true of all forms of healing, not just physical. I think of a friend with a problem and I pray for her healing. I know she is healed and I have no problem with doubt. I don’t need to see her accept the healing, because I know she is healed and will accept it when she is ready to. 

Another time she has a problem and I pray for the perfect resolution to that problem, but I notice doubt and confusion in my mind. I have the same kind of egocentric thoughts in my mind that Jesus describes; fear of failure, guilty embarrassment. 

I realize that I have the same problem she does, and so I believe in the problem and not the solution. Now it is my mind that needs to be healed. I have forgotten who I am, and am identified with the ego-self. I recognize it is just a mistake, and I ask that my mind be healed. In my acceptance of the healing, it is offered to my friend who will accept it when it is time for her to do so. 

As I consider the contrast in those two instances, I see very clearly what Jesus is telling me in these two passages. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing me this additional clarity.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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How We Use the Body

The body is proof that we are not one with each other or with God. It proves separation. It proves we are not like God or it proves that God is as vulnerable and vicious as we are. Mostly, we use the body to prove that we can undo what God has done and thus set ourselves up as our own gods, conquering even our Creator.

To keep this belief in place requires constant vigilance and reoccurring proof. Sickness, pain, suffering, and death are useful for that purpose. We can pretend that they just happened to us and thus prove we are not the Son of God after all, but the son of ego instead. Sickness and pain allow us to turn cause and effect on its head. Instead of the mind being the cause of all that happens, the body seems to be the cause of what is happening to us. Death allows us to usurp God in the ultimate sense as we destroy ourselves before He gets the chance to do so.

All of this we hide from ourselves until the Course helps us to uncover it. I don’t believe any of this anymore and yet, there must still be a desire to see the body as the decision maker because I still get sick. I still experience pain. I used to feel distressed when I thought about this. If I hadn’t yet been able to disregard this ego belief, would I ever? I am no longer impatient or concerned. I know to continue to see what is happening and to ask that my mind be healed. I want freedom. I want to remember what I am and I want to remember God as He Is.

Forgive, love and be grateful. Do this in everything.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Manual for Teachers, 7. Should Healing Be Repeated? P 4. 8-15-20

7. SHOULD HEALING BE REPEATED? P 4
4 One of the most difficult temptations to recognize is that to doubt a healing because of the appearance of continuing symptoms is a mistake in the form of lack of trust. As such it is an attack. Usually it seems to be just the opposite. It does appear unreasonable at first to be told that continued concern is attack. It has all the appearances of love. Yet love without trust is impossible, and doubt and trust cannot coexist. And hate must be the opposite of love, regardless of the form it takes. Doubt not the gift and it is impossible to doubt its result. This is the certainty that gives God’s teachers the power to be miracle workers, for they have put their trust in Him.

When I read this section, I think about the time my son was very sick. I prayed for his healing, and was discouraged because his symptoms continued. I became confused and thought I had not prayed right or that my prayer was not being answered. My confusion came from thinking I knew how the prayer should be answered. It also came because I forgot that I was praying that my son’s my mind be healed, and so was looking to his body for proof. I was also insisting he accept the healing whether he was ready for it or not.

While he was still experiencing symptoms, he would call me to talk about it. He was so sick and was also afraid because he didn’t know what was wrong or what to do about it. I felt really bad for him and expressed my concern because that is what love does. But is that true? Does love doubt? Does love fear? What if I put my fear and doubt into words? What if I gave my feelings words? It would sound like this:

“Toby, you want to be whole and perfect but I don’t see that happening for you. You just don’t seem willing to accept this. Maybe if you were stronger and less vulnerable. Maybe if you were not so weak. As it is, I have prayed and prayed and you just won’t get well. I’m started to feel like you are proof that my prayers are inadequate, and I resent this. I’m tired of feeling helpless before your helplessness and fearful before your fearfulness. Please get well or stop torturing me with your stories of refusing to get well. Oh God, what a horrible mom I am. I can’t help you and now I resent you.”

Of course, I didn’t say these words or even think them, or at least I didn’t let myself realize I was thinking them. That’s a nifty trick of the ego, that instant amnesia when the thoughts are too revealing. But even without my active participation in the thoughts, they do their job of keeping me in hell. And looking at them like this, seeing what it means to doubt a healing, I have no trouble understanding what Jesus tells us. Continued concern is attack, not love. If doubt is not love, and clearly it isn’t, then it must be hate.

I came back to this situation because it is a very clear example of an unhealed healer attempting to heal. When finally, through surrender I prayed truly with my friends, I received a healing. It was my own healing. I let go of the need to see any change in my precious son. I let go of the need to see him meet my expectations, and gave him, instead, the gift of my acceptance. I released him to be sick or even to die if that was important to his lesson. This was my healing. His followed shortly after.

I often write about this situation because it was such a profound healing for me and was rich with many lessons that transfer in my life to other situations. When it happened, I didn’t see how all the lessons at once; I only felt the deep peace that comes from healing. I see that all my errors stemmed from one. I doubted the gift. I doubted its Source. As Jesus says:

“Doubt not the gift and it is impossible to doubt its result. This is the certainty that gives God’s teachers the power to be miracle workers, for they have put their trust in Him.”

Does this mean that to be a healer, we must be completely healed? Not at all. We all have moments of clarity and in those moments, we are healers. If we use the body’s eyes to detect proof of healing we have moved into doubt and now the healer becomes the patient. We can then correct the problem by surrendering to the Holy Spirit and once again remembering that we are instruments of healing.

That we retreat back into fear does not negate the moment when we were in Love. And neither is it a lost moment because the feeling of being even a shadow of the true self is a powerful inducement to continue the practices. Failing to stay in a more awakened state is not a failure at all, just another step toward total realization, as we use it to ask for healing.

“Holy Spirit, please help us to remember Who it is that heals. When we are tempted to think the personality self is doing this, shake us awake. OK? Then we’ll have a good laugh.”

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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True Forgiveness

I am working on a course through Pathways of Light. There is a prayer in it that I like very much and the course asked me to try this and write about it. This is what I wrote.

True Forgiveness

This thought of distress

or conflict is a lie.

I am willing to let it go.

It was fathered by fear

And will not protect me.

It is a defense

against the Truth.

I no longer need to make

this form of separation real.

I had to get my car serviced today and there were several people not wearing their masks or not wearing them properly. My first thought was one of judgment and that judgment caused me immediate distress. I decided to let it go because it was obvious it was fathered by fear. My judgment could not protect me. In fact, my judgment against my brothers was a defense against Love. It only resulted in making me feel separate and vulnerable and did absolutely no good for anyone. I have been asking the Holy Spirit to point to these errant ego thoughts so I could decide if I want to keep them or not. Definitely a “not” this morning. I relaxed and opened my heart to love and acceptance of everyone. I was happy and peaceful. This is such a better choice.

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Manual for Teachers, 7. Should Healing Be Repeated? P 3. 8-10-20

7. SHOULD HEALING BE REPEATED? P 3
3 It is in this that the teacher of God must trust. This is what is really meant by the statement that the one responsibility of the miracle worker is to accept the Atonement for himself. The teacher of God is a miracle worker because he gives the gifts he has received. Yet he must first accept them. He need do no more, nor is there more that he could do. By accepting healing he can give it. If he doubts this, let him remember Who gave the gift and Who received it. Thus is his doubt corrected. He thought the gifts of God could be withdrawn. That was a mistake, but hardly one to stay with. And so the teacher of God can only recognize it for what it is, and let it be corrected for him.

I understand that as I am healed, that is, as I accept the Atonement for myself, I am a healer. I heal all the time simply by my presence and my certainty.  My mind is a light that shines away the darkness of sickness as it shines away the darkness of false beliefs. If I doubt, this is no longer true. My doubt would take me out of the state of clarity that allowed healing, and that means I am the one that needs healing. As the saying goes, “Physician, heal thyself,” or more correctly, “Healer, heal thyself.”

Does this mean that to be a healer, we must be completely healed? Not at all. We all have moments of clarity and in those moments, we are healers. If we use the body’s eyes to detect proof of healing we have moved into doubt and now the healer becomes the patient. We can then correct the problem by surrendering to the Holy Spirit and once again remembering that we are instruments of healing.

That we retreat back into fear does not negate the moment when we were in Love. And neither is it a lost moment because the feeling of being even a shadow of the true self is a powerful inducement to continue the practices. Failing to stay in a more awakened state is not a failure at all, just another step toward total realization, as we use it to ask for healing.

Holy Spirit, please help us to remember Who it is that heals. When we are tempted to think the personality self is doing this, shake us awake. OK? Then we’ll have a good laugh.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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